This Halloween Don’t Go Guido

Jersey Shore Wigs
Check out the Pauly D wannabe giving us the Blue Steel 

Halloween isn’t even here yet and I’m already preemptively sick of all the people dressing up as characters from MTV’s Jersey Shore. I can see the groups now, entering costume contests, lifting their shirts up to show their abs, comparing their poufs, and just being plain obnoxious. I live in Jersey so I don’t need to run into artificial guidos when there’s already enough real ones around as it is. Hopefully people thinking of buying these Jersey Shore costumes will think twice before making the purchase. Just a word of advice if you are actually thinking of going through with it, don’t you think there’s going to be a shitload of other people going as the same thing? Seriously people, this is Halloween not a Snook-a-like contest.

Guidette Kit
Because only people from Jersey like “Chewing Gum” right?

TNA Wrestling in Rahway, NJ



TNA Wrestling put on an unforgettable show at the Rahway Recreational Center on Saturday September 25th. I missed out on the TNA live event at Asbury Park’s Convention Hall several months back, so I wanted to be sure I caught the next one that came around. 
TNA’s live events are more personal than WWE’s. TNA creates an atmosphere that is more like a wrestling convention, think of it as a Monster Mania Con, or Chiller Theater of wrestling events. From autograph signings to photo ops you have plenty of shots at meeting your favorite wrestlers and knockouts. The highest ticket price was $50 dollars which is typically a less than average seat at a WWE event, but with the most expensive ticket at TNA event you will gain entrance an hour before doors open for a meet and greet with the wrestlers. Our tickets were $35 dollars and they were worth every penny.
Heel or face, all of the TNA wrestlers were personable and ready to sign your program or take a picture with you. To me, that is what people want, they the wrestlers to be accessible. Today’s generation especially, they document, take pictures, blog, and post on Facebook their every move, so TNA is way ahead of WWE in that respect. Many of WWE’s guys walk around after a show like snobby movie stars unless they are total babyfaces or just low on the card. 
Don West was presenting the crowd with all kinds of merch specials throughout the night. They made her an offer she couldn’t refuse, so Miss Sexy Armpit was sweet and bought me the special that included a TNA shirt, and a TNA bag with 4 mystery DVD’s for $20 bucks!  The t-shirt is awesome and I was happy to get the Christian Cage DVD!
Highlights of the night included Elizabeth NJ’s own Jay Lethal recapturing the X-Division title in front of his parents and the hometown crowd. His match against Amazing Red was the best, most exciting match of the night. There were tons of counter maneuvers and near falls all executed with the finesse that only these guys have. Also, we were lucky enough to get a preview of Robbie E. and Cooki, of The Jersey Shore inspired team, The Shore who will be debuting on TNA iMPACT in the next couple of weeks.
It wasn’t all sunshine and red ring ropes though. The guy they had wheeling around a cart selling TNA programs to the folks on line outside before the show was a total dick. I asked him if I could just take a quick look through the book before I purchased it and he replied nastily, “It’s a program, it’s got pictures of all the wrestlers in it!” NO SHIT, I know what a f*cking program is you ASSHOLE! I held back because I tend to loose it on people who state the obvious. This was a $20 book, not some little magazine filled you haphazardly pick up at a grocery store check out counter. I wanted to thumb through the damn thing first. He finally let me after I gave him a classic Armpit “Are you f*cking kidding me?” look. Even Amazon lets me preview a book before I buy it!
The worst part about the night was that there was no air conditioning! The gym in the rec. center was upwards of 90 degrees and extremely unpleasant. Everyone was sweaty and gross and there were various odors wafting around. Trust me, you don’t want fumes from some dudes hot dog burp going up your nose or God forbid, in your mouth! Luckily no one was farting by us, but for some reason whenever I go to an event, whether it’s wrestling or a concert, people think they can unload at will. BTW – that’s f*cking gross and you should cut that shit out. The action in the ring and all the various offshoot signings easily took my mind off of the tiny beads of sweat dripping down the sides of my head.

Elaine’s Dinner Theater in Cape May NJ

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Don’t give me that crap about summer being over! There’s still time to sneak down to The Jersey Shore and don’t worry, in Cape May you definitely won’t run into Snooki or JWoww. You’re exempt if you live too far away, but if you are within a reasonable driving distance you MUST venture down there to experience Elaine’s Dinner Theater. Miss Sexy Armpit planned it all and surprised me, and I was skeptical at first, but I already want to go back!

Elaine’s offers such a unique night for those who appreciate superb food and live entertainment. The entertainment isn’t a burlesque show or a male revue either, but it does offer lots of laughs and a taste of the macabre. I was in luck because the show I witnessed had zombies, surfing, and even some magic mushrooms.

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The Zombie Beach Party was a fun throwback to the ’60s beach movies starring Frankie and Annette, only with a horror comedy twist. Think of it as Off Broadway…160 miles off Broadway. A couple of the actors played multiple roles, but that’s one of the most entertaining aspects of the production. The cast clearly loves to perform since they were having a blast up on stage. After inhaling an unbelievable meal and kicking back and laughing at the great stage show, I couldn’t believe what a great time I was having.

The entire cast was extremely talented and had excellent comedic timing. The main character, Jeanette (pictured surfing above), not only made me laugh the entire time, but she also created such authentic mannerisms. It was as if Judy Garland killed some brain cells and started hanging out with the girls from the movie Clueless. Her singing voice was so precise during her performance of “Be My Baby” she sounded exactly like Ronnie Spector.

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Dinner Theater seems like an old fashioned concept, but Elaine’s has brought it back. People want something fresh and sometimes it doesn’t have to be revolutionary, but perhaps just an existing idea re-imagined. For example, movie theaters aren’t bringing in as many people as they used to because of ticket prices, on demand, and the sweet home theater they have set up in their living room. The fancy AMC Fork and Screens are morphing theaters into movie theater/restaurant hybrids in hopes of attracting more business. In this landscape of sitting at home watching blu-rays, going to a dinner theater was an enjoyable change of pace.

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Included with your reservation is a full course dinner and then when you are nice and full, the show begins. To start off, I had Cream of Broccoli soup and then the amazing Eggplant Roulade for my main entree. For the price, Elaine’s Dinner Theater is an unbeatable night out.

In addition to their Dinner Theater, Elaine’s also offers a haunted mansion, murder mystery weekends, ghost hunters weekends, and ghost tours. Beginning in November through December, Elaine’s will be presenting Scrooge The Musical.

Elaine’s Dinner Theater
www.twitter.com/ElainesCapeMay

Jersey Circus

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Often there are times when people wonder “where do people come up with this shit?” Many of those times people in my life say that about me. This time, I’m saying it about the highly amusing new blog, Jersey Circus. They’ve enjoyed a lot of press lately, but if you’ve somehow missed it, it’s simple: “…Jersey Shore and Family Circus Come Together.”

Introducing Robbie E. and Cookie: SHORE on TNA

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I have no qualms about admitting that I’ve enjoyed TNA Wrestling much more than the crap WWE has been putting out for the last several months. There’s a bunch of reasons why I’ve basically jumped ship like Nash and Hall did when they went to WCW. If you can’t possibly comprehend why I feel this way, I’ll explain.

Foremost, the feel of TNA programming overall reminds me of how wrestling was when I first became obsessed with it. The roster is a crew of extremely talented individuals. Whether it’s the stellar tag teams, the X-division, or the ladies, they all have proven their talent and they didn’t need no stinkin’ reality show! Their new stars aren’t being forced down our throats either, they are genuinely making fans interested via awesome matches and cutting attention grabbing promos. TNA’s ranking system adds some legitimacy to the title race, while the unscripted promos are more natural and lend realism to the characters.

Since Hogan and Bischoff joined the company, TNA has been on a slow, but steady incline. There’s certainly a handful of veteran stars, but the focus is predominantly on new talent. Personally, I find it more exciting to watch wrestlers that come from the indy scene rather than those who have been scooped up after Vince fired their asses.

One of those wrestlers who has had an extensive run in several independent companies as well as occasional spots in WWE is New Jersey born Rob Eckos. Eckos, the former “Platinum Poppa,” was recently signed to TNA as Robbie E., a guido type character inspired by MTV’s Jersey Shore, which happens to be TNA’s direct timeslot competition. Do not judge him by his upcoming tongue in cheek take off on the Jersey Shore crew, Eckos is a profoundly talented wrestler who already has over 10 years of in-ring experience. An entry in The Top 10 Reasons to Watch The Wrestler on Blu-Ray here at The Sexy Armpit was that Eckos’ name was mentioned in it! I think it’s the coolest thing to be name dropped in one of my favorite movies of all time, and one of the best Jersey based films ever.

Robby E’s valet will be a send up of Snooki, aptly named Cookie, whose previous ring name was Becky Bayless, a spunky female wrestler also pulled from the indy scene. Make sure you check out TNA Thursday Night iMPACT! on SPIKE TV in the coming weeks to see the premiere of Robbie E. and Cookie!

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 62: The Beachcomber in Seaside Heights

This past weekend I took a trip with my girlfriend and some other friends to The Beachcomber in Seaside Heights, NJ. I wanted to check out It Ain’t Pretty, a band churning out modern rock and pop cover songs. The band is made up of Dennis Zimmer, P.J Farley (Trixter, Ra), Shawn Mars, Mark Hall and Dave Clauro. They rocked the place and helped the Beachcomber live up to it’s renewed reputation as a fun place to go to drink and let loose.

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When your establishment’s claim to fame is “This is where Snooki got punched,” it’s easy to attract business. Even their t-shirt has become a collectible with the stamp of approval: The Beachcomber Bar and Grill: The Official Bar of MTV’s Jersey Shore.

While walking around the Seaside Heights boardwalk that night, I realized why MTV chose the Seaside Boardwalk as opposed to the other stretches of the expansive Jersey Shore. Why not Point Pleasant, Atlantic City, or Wildwood? The answer is because the Seaside Boardwalk is unbeatable. There’s so much crap to do! There’s games, stores, bars, and rides; you’re almost guaranteed to have some sort of fun. So, for those watching Jersey Shore repeats thinking that Seaside Heights has a cheap, shlocky mess of a boardwalk, well, you’re absolutely right and that’s why it’s awesome.

Jersey Shore Halloween Costumes

via Costume Craze and Fashionably Geek

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It’s inevitable that you’ll be seeing people at Halloween parties across the country dressing as Snooki, The Situation, and the rest of the Jersey Shore cast this year. Dressing as a member of the Jersey Shore cast is not only fairly easy to pull off, but you’re also guaranteed to get recognized and bothered to take many Facebook photos with party goers, no matter how ridiculous you look.

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You could probably slap together a more authentic costume based on your favorite Jersey Shore character on your own, but for the lazy ones out there, Costume Craze has whipped ’em out for you. The website is offering Snooki, The Situation, and DJ Pauly D costumes in deluxe and lower budget versions. For the cash strapped, you can be The Situation with the purchase of the cheap and easy equivalent of the Tuxedo T-Shirt complete with painted on abs.

I’m not surprised that nobody wants to dress as J-Woww. With that big shot attitude of her’s she’s not exactly inspiring a generation of J-Wowwnabes. Hey, if you really want to be original why don’t you just go as a giant grenade?

WELCOME TO SHARK MONTH!

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What if MTV’s Jersey Shore wasn’t about guidos? What if it was about the horrific and devastating string of shark attacks along the Jersey Shore that took place in July of 1916? All month long here at The Sexy Armpit, forget about living every week like it’s Shark Week, we are going full speed ahead into SHARK MONTH! All month long stop by The Sexy Armpit for posts that incorporate New Jersey and Sharks. Think that sounds preposterous? Think again! There will be posts at least 3 – 4 times a week throughout July so we would love for you to come back and enjoy the marathon with us! And if we have any difficulties luring in some Great Whites, Snooki would make perfect shark bait, don’t you think?

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 49: Guidon’t!

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The great Darius Whiteplume of Adventures in Nerdliness brought this tee to The Sexy Armpit’s attention. Guidos have been associated with Jersey since the dawn of time. When cavemen roamed the land, tanned, roided up, fist pounding, shaved beasts scientifically referred to as Guidos gallivanted around New Jersey. For the past several years anthropologists knew they weren’t officially extinct, but they definitely seemed dormant for a while, until now. Thanks to MTV’s Jersey Shore we’ve seen more and more guidos come out of the woodwork, almost as if they think it’s socially acceptable to be a Guido now. Go back and take refuge in the club where you belong! The Guido has become a mockery and this shirt sums up that sentiment perfectly. Regardless, they are more marketable now than ever because of Snooki, The Situation, and the rest of MTV’s Jersey Shore cast. The graphic on this tee would make a great logo for Guidobusters: The Movie, how much do you want to bet it gets greenlit before Ghostbusters 3?

**T-Shirt Bordello refers to this shirt as their “Fist Pumping Tribute to Jersey Shore” and it’s “made of 100% cotton for that comfy feeling you get after changing the channel from Jersey Shore.” Just before this post was published the tee was on sale for a rock bottom price of $2.99, so get it while you can! www.tshirtbordello.com