Strip Monopoly is Fun and Entertaining
Monopoly is said to be the most played board game in the world. I’m sure there are still at least a few folks out there who have no idea that many of the streets and a couple of the railroad lines on the classic Monopoly board were named after ones that actually existed in Atlantic City during the time the game was conceived in the 1930’s. Many of the streets are still there, so the next time you go to A.C and you blow all your cash, you can then take your own Monopoly driving tour for FREE! Just a word to the wise – don’t pull a Clark Griswold and ask a random stranger to give you directions back onto the Expressway. That’s a bad move.
In honor of the new Monopoly header that I made, here’s a clip of a game of Strip Monopoly – the version not endorsed by Hasbro. Monopoly does tend to get a little boring after you’ve been playing for 3 1/2 hours and no one has gone bankrupt yet, so why not spice it up a bit? Maybe getting stuck in this jail won’t be so bad! Remember to wear a thimble though!
A Sexy Game of Strip Monopoly by Liv Films – More amazing videos are a click away
Bob Bodanski Sells New Jersey: Funny or Die
New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.40: Suburban Girl
Why was I even watching this film, you ask? I can’t think of a more appropriate query – pun intended. There were two motivators that compelled me to watch this. Naturally, the most prominent reason is Sarah Michelle Gellar, the one actress who I have maintained should star in every film ever. Secondly, the humorous cameo by Audra Blaser as Petal. I met her back at the premiere for The Toxic Avenger at the George Street Playhouse in New Brunswick. I just wish she had a larger role in Suburban Girl, since she lights up the screen in one of the few scenes that actually made The Sexy Armpit laugh.
The only movies my girlfriend and I agree on are usually those starring Paul Rudd, Jason Segal, or an iron clad Robert Downey Jr. Just like many women out there, she loves a good silly no-brainer romcom or a tear inducing drama, so once in a while I’ll meet her halfway. I found a movie starring SMG and Alec Baldwin that didn’t seem super cheesy, so it was a win-win.
In Suburban Girl, Alec Baldwin seems comfortable in the role of Archie Knox, a middle aged well known writer. The fact that Baldwin gives a sincere performance is not surprising since his role involves philandering, daughter issues, and alcoholism. Those aspects of Archie helped Baldwin provide the character with a very realistic quality.
Sarah Michelle Gellar plays Brett Eisenberg, a young associate book editor who falls for Archie. The much older Archie is noticeably taken by Brett and the two get their bang on. Their relationship is pretty weird, and almost uncomfortable in a father/daughter sort of way. That’s not some unfounded comment either, because Archie is looking to fill a void since his daughter doesn’t speak to him, while Gellar feels like her Dad, who has a terminal illness, was a bit cold and not as involved in her life when she was growing up. Subtext? It’s pretty blatant to me.
Not to diss a profession, but watching a film about an editor is almost as boring and tedious as learning the ins and outs of the editing process itself. Ultimately the film is not very interesting, nor does the “com” part of romcom exist aside from a few clever instances where you’ll definitely chuckle (i.e Solo Hacky Sack in Central Park, etc). As with many of the films I discuss here at The Sexy Armpit, this one has a few saving graces. The fact that it’s set in New York City is not one of them, but let’s take a look at the rest:
BRETT: “You were about to offer some advice?”
ARCHIE: “Well, when it comes to writers, there’s only one rule. Patience. Of course, if that fails, I know a very discreet hit-man who would spread the body parts all over Jersey.”
Later in the film, while flipping through a photo album of all the girls he’s bedded in the last 25 years or so, Archie mentions how he met his ex-wife at Princeton where he was a professor.
PETAL: “…I’m on hiatus right now…doing a play in the Village about the life of Eva Braun.”
I guess I’ll qualify Maggie Grace as one of the saving graces for the “Grace” correlation as well as the cool character Chloe who she brought to the screen. As Brett’s friend Chloe, Grace reminded me of a modern day version of Helen Hunt’s Lynn Stone from Girls Just Want to Have Fun, only less wild.
Well this book is obviously not a compendium of Archie’s sexual conquests, it’s Blubber a classic book written by Elizabeth, NJ born author Judy Blume!
NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 52: Jersey Shore Variety Pack
No, these tees aren’t actually available in a variety pack, don’t be so literal! If they did come in a pack it would be pretty awesome, I’d be having flashbacks to the days of the Wise Chips variety pack in the long box which included Bravos, popcorn, Potato chips, and Cheez Doodles; there were so many possibilities! What would I discover in my lunchbox, or should I say treasure chest? Back then, I had my favorite, and I know you did too. Bravos were the best because even though they were flimsier than a Dorito, their flavor was more subtle. So, much like tearing into a lunchbox sized bag of the second string nacho chip, if you can’t actually be at the Jersey Shore this summer, at least you might as well pretend you’re there with these t-shirts.
Even though MTV’s Jersey Shore brings a lot of attention to New Jersey, it’s not the best kind of attention. With guidos there is a lot of obnoxiousness, a melange of stenches made up of gallons of cologne mixed with body odor, terrible dancing, and tees with sweaty pits. All 12 of you who aren’t from Jersey originally and never lived in Jersey at one time or another, please understand that the experience of going “Down the Shore,” isn’t as much of a train wreck as you see on MTV’s stereotypical reality show. It’s nothing like walking around Malibu, California mind you, but we love it anyway for some f-cked up reason. Trust me though, except for certain bars and clubs, the actual Jersey Shore has nothing to do with the lobotomized guidos who have popularized it.
*Out of these tees, the Palm Tree shirt is my favorite because believe it or not, you’d be hard pressed to find a palm tree amongst all the refineries and toxic waste. At first glance The G.I Joe parody is pretty cool, but I would never step out of the house wearing it. Which one is your favorite?
Lea Michele is May’s Garden State Playmate
Even though her face looks like she’s trying to force out a really pesky dump whenever she sings, Glee‘s Lea Michele is May’s Garden State Playmate. She’s not full fledged Jersey though, she was born in The Bronx but grew up in Tenafly, New Jersey. Previous to scoring big with her role as high school singer Rachel Berry, Lea Michele was a promising young stage actress (showing your boobs really displays your acting chops), starring in productions of Spring Awakening and Les Miserables.
Since debuting last year, it didn’t take long for Glee and it’s stars to skyrocket to fame. I admit watching the original preview of the show in Hulu but I couldn’t get through the first 10 minutes. It seems like the country is obsessed with hearing people perform music that isn’t theirs. It’s like everyone has the Karaoke virus. I blame American Idol. Hearing the cast sing Madonna and Lady Gaga songs doesn’t impress me. OK, so I’m a party pooper, but sue me if I’d rather pop in my ear buds and listen to the REAL songs.
And for the record, in the world of The Sexy Armpit, “Gleek” can only describe a rambunctious blue monkey who hangs out with The Wonder Twins, but now, crazed fans of the hit Fox TV show are also calling themselves Gleeks. Zan and Jayna need to call their lawyer!
Worst Drivers in America: NJ Takes 2nd Place!
It was to be expected. New Jersey strives to make the top 5 of lists like this year after year. Coming in 2nd place in GMAC’s Worst Drivers in America report, is a loss in our eyes. We didn’t invent road rage to be in a crappy 2nd place.
Why do cable networks continue to create shows based in NJ about salons and guidos when they so should be creating a quality program about what Jersey people are clearly superior at, being shitty drivers! NJ came in 2nd behind New York on GMAC’s report, one that doesn’t exactly measure how many accidents or violations we’ve had, but merely a survey of driving knowledge. The website WalletPop cites from the study that “nearly 1 in 5 licensed drivers — roughly 38 million Americans — would not pass a written drivers test exam if taken today.” So, before the rest of you go getting all braggadocios, it’s not just us Tri-State area folks who are complete maniacs on the road!
Newark State of Mind
NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 51: Bon Jovi Hard Rock Signature Series
It’s fitting that after Bruce Springsteen and The E-Street Band closed Giants Stadium, tomorrow night Bon Jovi will open up The New Meadowlands Stadium in East Rutherford, NJ. Throughout the shiny new facility I’m sure there will be vendors galore selling swag, thongs, cds, hats, bumper stickers, and whatever else they can slap a Bon Jovi logo on, especially T-Shirts.
Recently on a trip down to Atlantic City, I stopped into the Hard Rock Cafe because I read about the exclusive Bon Jovi t-shirt only available at Hard Rock Shops. It’s the 26th edition in a line of Signature tees that Hard Rock began in 1990. The girl behind the counter showed my girlfriend and I the shirt, but it wasn’t impressive.
Since the Have a Nice Day Tour, Bon Jovi shirts have been extremely lame. During the bands heyday their shirts were just as cool as other hairbands of the era. Now all you see on the front of their tees are crosses, flowers, smiley faces, hearts, and yes…GRAPES! This is not a joke, that is what makes up any Bon Jovi t-shirt you see for sale, unless it’s vintage from eBay. The band opted to veer away from skulls and gangsters in favor of more women and children friendly designs which are frankly, WEAK. All of the characteristics of a typical Bon Jovi shirt are here, mainly the one that screams “If you’re a dude you should NEVER be wearing this shirt!” To add that extra special something that your wardrobe of other Jovi shirts may not have, there’s a silkscreen of Jon’s autograph on the bottom right of the logo!
Out of the $26.00 dollars you’re asked to shell out for this tee, 15% of the profits will go to the Jon Bon Jovi Soul Foundation, which will help create “affordable housing to those in need.” The Soul Foundation concentrates on serving the greater Philadelphia area rather than New Jersey, the state that provided the title for the band’s 4th album. There are still plenty of run down, low income parts of New Jersey, but no that’s fine Jon, go help the people in Philadelphia, the city that you didn’t grow up in.
www.jonbonjovisoulfoundation.org
Other Bon Jovi T-Shirt Tuesday Installments:
NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 13
NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 48
Bret Michaels’ Diet Snapple Seen on Celebrity Apprentice
I opened up and said ahhh, and took my first sip of Snapple’s latest tea, Trop-A-Rocka, a Celebrity Apprentice tie-in. Donald Trump must have loved all the press Bret Michael’s recent health issues stirred up because it only meant a colossal rating for the season finale of his TV show. As the world now knows, even though he was always claiming to be “discombooberated” on the Apprentice, the Poison frontman overcame adversity and triumphed as the winner of The Celebrity Apprentice.
The final project on The Apprentice involved marketing a new Snapple Iced Tea geared toward the contestants prospective charity. Holly Robinson Peete’s (aka Officer Hoffs from 21 Jumpstreet) Compassion Berry Tea did not interest me in the least, while Bret’s Blend Diet Trop-A-Rocka sounded a little off the wall and right up The Sexy Armpit’s alley. My girlfriend had a hell of a time finding the tea driving all over creation, but my suggestion was to go to the local Shop-Rite, and wall-a, that is where she found it!
Bret noted that he wanted the tea to be refreshing and taste great even though it is Diet, and it definitely fits that description. I can’t say that I’ve had a Snapple variety that tastes anything like this. The tea is an oddball bunch of flavors and they are easily detectable. In fact, the fruits on the label aren’t even all the flavors that my taste buds were picking up. Pear is clearly the dominant flavor, while there actually is a nice amount of cinnamon, which sounds like it wouldn’t ever be an ingredient in a Snapple beverage unless it was something like Thanksgiving Apple Pie Spice, but it works well. Instead of the mango flavor that is advertised on the label, I got some mellow coconut and banana undertones instead.
Some internet sites have received feedback that the beverage has a peach cobbler taste, while others have ripped it claiming it tastes like medicine. For a diet drink that’s also a rare TV tie-in, you can’t get much better than this, especially for a possibly limited edition fruity summer tea. I would pick it up again because it’s not as sickeningly sweet as other Snapple flavors and The Donald’s mug is on the label so you can’t go wrong. Better track down a bottle for yourself if you want to try it because it’s going for $4.25 a bottle with $9.00 shipping on eBay right now!