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NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 11: Atlantic City
Let’s take a look at 3 different Atlantic City shirts for this weeks installment of NJ T-Shirt Tuesday. It’s being said that Atlantic City is hurting and people aren’t gambling as much due to the economy, but every time I’m down there it doesn’t look that way to me! The casino’s are typically jam packed, especially on the weekend or when there’s a great concert going on at The Borgata. If you don’t believe me, jump on the parkway and head down there yourself!
The first shirt I found is a vintage ’70s black T-shirt that says “Atlantic City Board Walk Where the Stars Come Out.” It looks as if it was sold in one of those cheesy stores on the boardwalk that sells a bunch of crap and uses a hermit crab display as it’s way to sucker you into the store. Ahh, the Jersey Shore…classy. This one is available at Bonanzle. Oh, and don’t bother looking for the stars that supposedly come out to the A.C Boardwalk because no celebrity in their right mind would be roaming around the boardwalk, they’d be playing craps or in the lush suites at Harrah’s and The Borgata.
The next 2 offerings come from Retro Duck. I was pleased to see the unique designs on these old school decals as well as the various styles of shirts you can choose from.
The A.C Monkey is smokin’, drinkin’ and chillin’ and is available here.
RetroDuck has some cool designs for sure, but the unfortunate part about their site is that most of their shirt are created with custom ironed on decals. If you’re a t-shirt connoisseur like me, I’m sure you know all about the inevitable fate of these decals after several washings. Even with proper care and air drying, these babies are bound to deteriorate, but the decal is part of the appeal. I give credit to Retro Duck for selling these obscure vintage looking A.C shirts!
New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.23: Gene Simmons Comes to Old Bridge
I never thought the God of Thunder himself would grace Old Bridge, NJ with his presence. KISS sings about losing their minds in Detroit Rock City, and meeting girls in the Ladies Room, but apart from concerts, the hottest band in the world have not yet had an intimate encounter with the toxic waste capital of the world, until now.
After catching a glimpse of Gene’s sprawling mansion on A&E’s Gene Simmons Family Jewels, you’d never understand why he would want to leave the place, especially to fly to New Jersey!
GENE: “We’re going to the east coast”
SHANNON: “What’s it called Genie?”
GENE: “Old Bridge, New Jersey”
In the season 4 episode “Godfather Gene,” a friend of the Simmons family, Uncle Tony, asked Gene to be the Godfather of his grandchild. Being the nice, sweet Demon that he is, Gene accepts. When landing in Newark Liberty International airport, the first impression of the state is far from favorable. The industrial backdrop visible from the NJ Turnpike is not exactly an accurate example of how the rest of the state looks. In sum, NJ’s hellish compared to sunny California.
Aside from the areas of the state you’ll see when landing in Newark, there are actually plenty of beautiful towns, gated communities, and mansions here. Uncle Tony clearly lives in one of these ritzy areas. It’s a part of Old Bridge that I’ve never had the privilege of driving through before.
Uncle Tony welcomes Gene and Shannon with a “Welcome to New Joisey.” Here’s the thing about that: If you aren’t from New Jersey then you should be aware that NOBODY talks like that in this state. In fact, somehow, we NJ folks get blamed for the terrible offenses against the English language that New Yorkers and Staten Islanders have committed. I’ll admit, there’s certain idiosyncrasies in the speech of Jerseyites, but they aren’t as prevalent as the rest of the population has been made to believe.
The episode is chock full of terrible Jersey stereotypes, a Soprano’s-esque intro montage signalling their arrival in NJ, and too many bad Godfather impressions to count! It’s also worth noting that Uncle Tony is a not a good representation of males living in Jersey. Not all of us walk around the house pretending to be “Goodfellas” to our guests, and surprisingly, we’re all not living in the past.
Shannon Tweed left NJ with the idea that the women in the state are all backward and still living in “barefoot and pregnant days.” In the episode, the ladies of Uncle Tony’s family served the men, waiting on them dotingly until Shannon helped them turn the tables on the guys. Shannon baffled, said, “Why can’t them come out and get it themselves?” Shannon also stated that “The women’s movement hasn’t hit home there because it’s not welcome…no one opens the door for it.” Shannon, please, take it from a guy who knows first hand, the women here in Jersey are quite independent and you don’t want to mess with them! It’s a safe bet that the producers of the show urged everyone to play up the “old fashioned Italian” angle for the show, but they claim it’s “reality” right?
Tony’s 1st question: “Can you smell my meatballs?”
Residents of California, New York, and Florida are numb to hearing their sports venues, addresses, and local establishments named dropped on TV and in movies. For example, if you’re a life long New York City resident, then it’s no big deal for you to pass by a film crew or to turn on HBO and catch a scene in a movie that was filmed in the building you live in. Although Jersey has a rich history in entertainment, and it’s the birthplace of the earliest films, we’ve never enjoyed the prominence that the aforementioned states have in the media until The Sopranos premiered.
The Sopranos brought several NJ towns, a local ice cream parlor, and an average strip club into the minds of millions of viewers everywhere. It made us feel important. So, when I heard Uncle Tony tell Gene Simmons that “there’s two malls, the East Brunswick Mall on 18 or Freehold Mall take 9 south,” my face lit up. The thought of The Demon stomping around The Sexy Armpit is so cool. Even Shannon paid a visit with the other women to the popular Ciccone’s Italian Deli in Old Bridge.
Of course the episode wasn’t without wacky hijinks. Gene ran into a speed bump on his mission to become Godfather. Tony’s church prohibited Gene from being a Godparent because he’s Jewish. In an attempt to prove himself to the priest who handled the baptism, he not only unleashed all of his religious knowledge onto the priest, but he also frantically served as safety patrol for local school kids. Those kids have no idea how lucky they were to have had the legendary Dr. Love help them into their cars that day! In the end, all the loose ends were tied up and Gene was able to become Godfather. If only Gene spit the Holy water onto the babies head while churning out a bass solo, that would’ve been an awesome ending.
Gene rocking NJ designer Marc Ecko’s Cut & Sew shirt
Old Bridge, NJ is also known for being the town where the metal band Overkill formed, the hometown of Brian O’Halloran, Dante from Clerks fame as well as pop singer/actress Vitamin C.
Darth Vader Balloon at The NJ Festival of Ballooning
“Don’t be too proud of this technological terror you’ve constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of a hot air balloon.” – Darth Vader
Are you into hot air balloon rides? You will be. You will be. Unless you’re like me and you can’t be spending over $200 bucks to take a Darth Vader balloon ride. But hey, if you’ve got a shitload of republic dataries to burn, then go for it!
The NJ Festival of Ballooning
7/24 – 7/26 in Readington, NJ
New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.22: The State
The entire series of MTV’s The State was released on DVD last week, and as Chris Gore of AOTS says: this one is a definite BUY!!! If you feel at all compelled to get the collection but you don’t have the money right now, then get a second f–king job! Everyone should own one of the most pants pissingly hilarious shows ever. The State’s fresh, offbeat humor remains considerably different than other sketch comedy shows such as SNL. As I watch these episodes nearly 15 years after they first aired, I wonder what kind of anachronism occurred in this world that The State isn’t still in production.
In the first season of The State, former Hillsborough, NJ resident Michael Ian Black provides us with valuable insight on how to get laid at a Youth Conference in the sketch “On-Air Personality”:
“A couple of pointers for when you’re looking to dip your wick. First off…drink up, everybody looks alot better after a couple of cocktails. And nothin’ works better for loosening up lips or legs than a few well timed Harvey Wallbangers.”
“…And finally, afterwards, when she’s done telling you off, don’t give her your real phone number, I like to use the number of an Arby’s in New Jersey. You don’t have to use an Arby’s, it’s just something I like to do.”
I’m laughing just typing this.
NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 10: The Sopranos T-Shirts
I woke up this morning…had a T-Shirt idea in my eyes. Allright, so the lyrics to Alabama 3’s Sopranos theme song don’t necessarily translate into a winning blog post joke. But it has been on my mind that The Sopranos has not been represented here on T-Shirt Tuesday. What a crime! One might think that I was roughed up a little by Mr. Silvio Dante in order to keep my mouth shut, but who cares? Do you think I’m going to listen to those guys? Let them try beating me again because I have a mind of my own, one that veers off frequently throughout the day into daydreams where I am a guy named Kevin Finnerty. Jeez, maybe all those beatings have taken their toll! Now fix me a capicola sand. with peppers so we can get down to business, and make sure this room isn’t tapped!
Word has come down that ChasingTheFrog.com has assembled quite a haul of links to stores that sell Sopranos shirts, hats, and other collectibles. This stuff fell off a truck so it’s hot! Let’s take a look at some of the T-Shirts they’re featuring:
You can find about a hundred different Bada Bing variations on Cafe Press, but this version is from the store Funny T-Shirts from seller “ybiaw.” Next is the Barone Sanitation shirt from Cafe Press seller “strk3.” One of my personal favorite T-Shirts shops is Stylin’ Online. They can be a little pricey at times but they’ve got an awesome selection. This Sopranos shirt they are offering specifically mentions New Jersey! Of course these are only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Sopranos tees, so we’ll delve deeper in future posts.
Buzz F’n Aldrin’s “Rocket Experience”
In honor of the 40th anniversary of Apollo 11 landing on the moon, I present to you Buzz Aldrin’s “Rocket Experience” rap, straight from FunnyorDie.com! At first, Aldrin’s rap skills may seem rudimentary, but after a couple of listens and a hefty helping of freeze dried ice cream, you’ll come to respect his skillz. Assisting Aldrin on his “Rocket Experience,” were Qunicy Jones, Snoop Dogg, Talib Kweli, and Soulja Boy.
Buzz Aldrin is from Montclair, New Jersey and attended Montclair High School! Thanks for reppin’ Jersey on the motherf’n MOON, Buzz!
Orange Cream Pop Tarts Limited Edition
Reviewing every odd flavor of Pop Tarts takes its toll. When my girlfriend picked up this box of Orange Cream Pop Tarts for me I was stricken with dejavu. Not a fatal condition by any means, but damn, after having too many obscure Pop Tart flavors infiltrate my body, they all seem to flow together. I’m now referring to my blood as “filling” and telling people that I’m not in the mood for their mouth because I haven’t been “toasted” yet. Fortunately, I’ve had the foresight not to let the “frosted” part come into play, especially on my hair.
If you’re a long time reader of the Armpit, you know that Orange Cream is a flavor that excites me. My hopes remain high for Orange Cream, even though many times they are shat on miserably. Sometimes you get a lemon, right? Not this time. These limited run Pop-Tarts basically scored an uppercut and said “AIN’T NO F’N LEMONS HERE!” They are a triumph for the orange cream genre. If there were an Orange Cream Emmy Awards show, these suckers would clean up big time.
If you’re a fan of the flavor you’ll enjoy the nice, mellow balance of orange and cream. Too often companies release some zany in your face limited edition flavor, whether it’s a soda or Fruit by the Foot, and it tastes terrible. Usually to blame for a bad tasting orange cream flavored snack or drink is its lack of flavor balance. If you’re bowled over by the offensive amount of orange in your first bite or sip, then you know it’s not going to be an orange cream dream. Subtlety is key.
The packaging is a bit curious. Would it make me happier to see a typical graphic depicting oranges and vanilla ice cream in a ’50s motif? Not really, since that’s been done to death already. I suppose I can live with the bizarre dragonflys, frogs, and birds, even though they have absolutely nothing to do with Orange Cream flavoring at all. Maybe Kellog’s is trying to say that these suckers are so delicious that they’ll make you feel like you’re floating around above some grassy meadow that has a garden that grow creamsicles? The packages intention was most likely designed so the super special flavor will greet you during those spring and summer mornings when you just can’t look at another bowl of Fiber One.
Orange Cream Pop Tarts obliterate the trendy/wacky flavors like Dulce Du Leche and Guava Mango (wha?). Regardless of their status as greatest limited edition Pop Tart flavor ever, to me, they are still just a “once in a while” treat. Even though they’re nearly perfect, they won’t be ones I’ll crave constantly which is probably why they were banished to the limited edition abyss. Frosted Cherry and Frosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon remain the pillars of the Pop-Tart fleet.
Warren, NJ Is One of the Top 10 Best Places to Live
Kip Winger Thursday: The Greatest Kip Winger Story Ever Told!!!
For those of you who aren’t familiar with Kip Winger Thursday, it’s a day that can alleviate some of the tension from the stresses of the economic crisis, the soaring unemployment rate, and other terrible atrocities. It’s a day when all we have to do is fondly recall the more carefree atmosphere of the days of ’80s hairbands. When the sunset strip was crawling with bands like Motley Crue and Guns N Roses and all was right in the world…well, my world at least. I think Stevie Rachelle said it best “When Def Leppard rocked and Skid Row Ruled,” in his song “American Hairband.” Grunge came in like a lion but it totally went out like a lamb. Nowadays who really cares about grunge anyway? Life is challenging, and depressing as it is so why would we want our music to make us even more angry and morose? Don’t you want to have fun and party?
During last week’s ’80s hard rock extravaganza aptly known as Rocklahoma, party is exactly what they did. For 4 days in Pryor, Oklahoma, fans of the genre relived the hairband glory days. It’s an opportunity to see your favorites from the era, as well as new bands who keep the scene alive like Wildstreet and Bang Camaro. Some of the classic bands that appeared this year were Anthrax, Overkill, RATT, Danger Danger, Kix, Nelson, Lizzy Borden, Skid Row, and Twisted Sister to name a few. The festival has been going on since 2007, and has been building up steam each year. The true fans show up hardcore, front and center for all 4 days! I happen to know one of those fans.
A friend of mine, Elise, wouldn’t miss Rocklahoma for the world. She takes her love of these bands to the next level.
On July 11th, 2009 at 1:04 AM, I received this text message from her:
“I just told Kip about u and KWT!!!!”
Apparently, Kip Winger was hanging out at the show and Elise had the chance to slyly slip in a mention for my ongoing Thursday meme dedicated to Kip Winger. To join in the fun, go to www.twitter.com/sexyarmpit. Kip was even in New Jersey a few weeks back and I had the opportunity to go to the show, but the idea of someone else telling Kip about Kip Winger Thursday felt so much cooler to me, especially coming from a girl who he was clearly digging! A BIG thanks from The Sexy Armpit, Elise!
Also, Bring Back Glam has an abundance of info on Rocklahoma and the reasons why it sucked this year, so head over and check out Allyson’s awesome blog.