A Twisted Sister Christmas at The Nokia Theatre in Times Square 12-5-08!

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Twisted Sister decked the halls of the Nokia Theater in Times Square REALLY HARD on December 5th, 2008 for their Christmas show and The Sexy Armpit was in attendance! If you’d like a visual aid, check out the video montage I edited up for you at the bottom of this post!

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I was impressed with opening acts ZO2 and The Dirty Pearls, both from Brooklyn. I’ve seen ZO2 live before, and their afroed frontman Paulie Z has a dynamic voice and a likeable personality. Bassist David Z and Drummer Joey Cassata are abundantly talented and make the tunes sound rockin’, even though they’ve got a run of the mill ’70s retro rock vibe. Regardless, I found myself wanting to come home and download “Isolate” and “Ain’t it Beautiful.” Their TV show Z-Rock airs on the Independent Film Channel, and it’s also available on iTunes.

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I’ve heard songs from The Dirty Pearls before but last night was the first time I saw them live. They’ve got plenty of hard rock swagger and sleaze but thankfully they don’t chince out on the great chorus’ and hooks. What’s with all the afros in rock music? Both of the aforementioned openers have bandmembers with afros. Didn’t we get the memo? The afro thing was over a few years ago!

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Hearing that Twisted Sister is playing Christmas music might seem cheesy to elitist music snobs, but they pull it off with cool to spare. You’d be surprised at how unbelievable Dee Snider’s voice sounds, it might be as strong as it was 20 years ago. I couldn’t make it to last year’s Twisted Christmas show, but I’m glad I was at this one because the entire band chewed up the Nokia Theatre and ate it for a midnight snack. Twisted consists of all original members (Dee, J.J, Mark, A.J, and Eddie) who effortlessly shred, hit, and berate their instruments yielding primal musical results. The band slashed through all their classic crushing tracks as well as the holiday fare from A Twisted Christmas, released in the fall of ’06. 
The Twisted Christmas extravaganza became nothing short of holiday TV variety show! Mini Kiss ushered Santa Snider’s sleigh onto the stage. And still looking sexy, Lita Ford strutted onstage in a skintight red hot vinyl body suit to sing “I’ll Be Home for Christmas,” with Dee. Another surprise was TNA Wrestling star, Mick Foley, who graced us by his presence disguised as Santa Claus offering to give the band members anything they wanted for Christmas. Naturally, Dee answered: “I WANNA ROCK!”
At the show, Dee announced that Twisted will release an album of all new material in ’09! And now onto my video montage of the show:

MINDGAME: “A Comic Psycho Thriller” Review 12/3/08

On Wednesday December 3rd, 2008 I drove into lower Manhattan, to review Mindgame, a play billed as a “comic psycho thriller” at the Soho Playhouse. When I see a play or movie I try to refrain from doing too much research prior to my experience in order to go into it without any preconceived notions. I won’t spoil too much and if by the end of reading this you decide to check out the play for yourself, I suggest going in with an open mind.

Mindgame is no mere mortal of a play, and while immersing yourself in it you’ll feel like you’re stomping up and down the stairs of MC Escher’s painting Relativity, never really reaching a destination. Although, those who persevere through this rich Mindgame will feel rewarded. You’ll be left with a lingering fallout of thoughts, possible conclusions, and a multitude of unanswered questions. If you don’t consider that a reward, then you should think of going to see Shrek the Musical instead.

In the lore of the play, best selling writer Mark Styler has come to a mental hospital in hopes of interviewing Eastman, a serial killer. Styler’s book Bloodbath chronicled the exploits of 9 notorious serial killers, but an interview with Eastman eluded him. Styler first has to meet with Dr. Farquhar, the head of the hospital, in order to get clearance to meet with Eastman. The enigmatic and seemingly dignified Farquhar is not aware of who Styler is, nor is he familiar with his apparent written request to interview one of his patients. The play’s comic tone grows eerie as the quest to figure out exactly what the hell is going on begins. Farquhar calls for his assistant, Nurse Plimpton, a couple of times until she finally arrives. In what seems like an outlandish ornament to the play in her pink wig, white vinyl nurses costume, fishnet stockings, and silver hooker boots, the sexy nurse isn’t just eye candy as you’ll find out. The nurse is noticeably uneasy judging by her uncomfortable chuckles that follow her dialogue.

In the events that follow, a scalpel, a vintage 1966 bottle of wine, a shopping bag from Marks and Spencer, and a straight jacket all come into play. You may have to call upon your days as household champion of Clue to sift through the conundrums that makeup Mindgame. In this case though, you can’t be sure Colonel Mustard is actually Colonel Mustard and you most definitely will not be able to rely on the old standby and blame the butler “Didit.” When we reach what seems to be a turning point in the play, there’s a revelation about one of the characters. At that moment it occurred to me that I may not have been mentally raising the right questions. I had to fine tune my thinking. After more revelations occur, it’s not obvious which one we’re supposed to believe. The play’s finale is left open to interpretation, and for that reason Mindgame is the epitome of clever and thought provoking.

Coming from a former English major, I’d say Mindgame is quite a juicy subject from a literary standpoint. I did not read the novel by Anthony Horowitz, but solely based on what I saw in the play, there’s a profuse amount of themes imbedded in it’s layers. So exactly how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of mind game? Chances are, the center will probably turn hard as a rock before you can even crack the candy coating. Don’t bite it and walk away or you’ll miss out on fully enjoying and appreciating the finer details. Here are just some of the themes of Mindgame: influence, identity, insanity, perversions, murder, contradictions, incest, homosexuality, liberation, psychoanalytic methods, cannibalism, BDSM, role reversal, deformity, self perception/public image, mind over matter, and the arousing nature and glorification of murderers like Jack the Ripper. Or it could be about none of those things. Confused?

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It’s hard to believe that only 3 actors created Mindgame onstage. Keith Carradine (Will Rogers Follies, TV’s Deadwood and Dexter) seamlessly stepped into the shoes of the doctor of the mental hospital, Farquhar while Lee Godart (Skylight, Copenhagen, and TV’s All My Children) vivified Mark Styler, the writer. The pair exchanged lines with artful elegance. Both actors utilized their superb comic timing while occasionally the play’s unpredictable nature forced them to erupt into skillfully executed volatile rages. Upon her entrance, Nurse Plimpton was a welcome addition to the stage, and my nether region. The nuances of her performance are to be savored. Kathleeen McNenny has starred in Richard III for the NJ Shakespeare Festival, TV’s Law and Order, and the film School of Rock, as well as numerous other TV and stage productions. Without this incredibly adept cast, Mindgame wouldn’t have been nearly as enjoyable.

Ken Russell directs the fine cast through the taught script of Mind game. Russell states in the director’s note in the playbill: “By the end of Act I on my first reading of Mindgame, I was ready for a small scotch. By the time I reached the grand finale, I was in need of a large one.” No matter how bemused by the script, Russell’s inspiration shines through in this well conceived production. Helping the translation from script to stage was Beowulf Boritt who has designed yet another exceptional set. The stage was set as Farquhar’s office and it contains several props and decoys of varying importance. Be perceptive and especially take a glance over at that morphing painting on the wall!

You’ll find Mindgame to be funny and suspenseful, yet mind boggling. It’s not as simple as it first seems. The play relies on atmosphere and dialogue so don’t expect big huge ensemble dance numbers. If you’re not down with perverse subject matter, or some scalpel slashing then you may want to sit this one out. The material is a bit challenging for someone who’s not a theater goer, it can be repetitive at times. The methodical nature of the script may just get you frustrated. But if you’re “all in” then pay attention to the subtle details, you may or may not need them! Is this not making sense to you? Good, that’s the point! It’s refreshing to know that much passion went into the production of Mindgame and it’s not just some slapped together stage show starring some already forgotten American idol reject. Even though it’s more to digest than recycled clichéd fare, it’s an experience you’ll be talking about for a long time so allow yourself to be engaged in the Mindgame! Back to The age old question What does it all mean? Carpet. Envelope. Wallpaper. Cigarette. Jelly. Yeah…that’s it! Intrigued?

MINDGAME
Soho Playhouse
15 Vandam Street
BTW 6th Ave & Varick

Paris Hilton Sprinkles New Jersey With Her Fairy Dust

Unbeknownst to me, Paris Hilton made an appearance at Macy’s in Woodbridge Center Mall yesterday to promote her new Fairy Dust perfume. Apparently she didn’t want to rekindle our old flame. The linked story at MyCentralJersey.com says there was about 300 fans on line to meet her. Someone needs to tell me this crap BEFORE it happens! She never returned my Masters of the Universe Season One Volume 2 DVD box set that I let her borrow. Bitch.

Trixter Rocks Dexter’s in Riverdale, New Jersey!

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I wasn’t about to travel to Pryor Creek, Oklahoma this past summer just to see a few boys from Paramus, New Jersey known as Trixter perform. For years, myself and many other fans of pop metal or the most insulting, heart wrenching adjective I can think of…hairbands, have been waiting patiently hoping that Trixter would reunite. Sure we’ve seen Warrant reunite with Jani Lane several thousand times, (FYI, Robert Mason is now lead singer) but what about Trixter? Steve (Stereo Fallout) and P.J (Ra) were in the successful local cover band Sugarbelly for years and they also released an extremely underrated CD as 40 Foot Ringo. Pete Loran and Mark “Gus” Scott haven’t been on the scene in quite some time, until now! It turns out that I didn’t have to head to Oklahoma to see a Trixter reunion after all!

On Friday, November 28th, all the original members of Trixter played their first show in New Jersey in over 13 years! Dexter’s Entertainment Complex in Riverdale was jammed and I could barely find parking. I’ve never been to Dexter’s so I wasn’t sure what to expect. I pulled into the lot and I thought I was Christmas shopping at the mall! After near endless attempts at finding a spot, I finally got one and made my way inside. I caught TNA’s performance which wasn’t bad. As TNA’s set came to an end, the place started filling up fast and I found myself getting moved closer to the stage.  

At around midnight, Trixter took the stage. It was a cool moment and I’m glad I got to be there. They tore through all of their staple songs like “One in a Million,” “Surrender,” and of course, ended their set with “Give it to Me Good.” If you’re into glam metal or hairbands and you’ve never listened to Trixter, then you definitely need to. “Heart of Steel” and “Bad Girl” are a couple of personal favorites. Also, their 1992 album Hear! features a slew of great songs that went criminally unnoticed. Trixter veers toward the poppier side of the genre much like Poison does, but Trixter’s musicianship and knack for upbeat pop is undeniable. The band has expressed their interest in recording a new album, and if that happens, I see it making more of an impact than many of the other hairbands enjoying this under the radar renaissance.

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Star Wars Gang Runway Modeling Ecko Line at Macy’s

Here’s some pics I snapped at Macy’s of Darth, Yoda, Boba, Chewie, and a Stormtrooper sashaying around in the new Marc Ecko Star Wars clothing line. I could almost hear Vader talking to Boba Fett “You’re money baby! You’re money!” Sucks for Ecko and Macy’s, but I think more people would actually want to buy the masks rather than the clothes.

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DAAAMN YODA! those are some big ass hands for one little dude! And Chewie looks like he’s wearing a toupe!

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He’s One Sexy Sith:
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Peculiar Food Habits

Most of us have our little food quirks. What better a day to discuss these eccentricities than on Thanksgiving? After you’re finished jamming the various courses into your stomach, please share with us some of your favorite weird, wacky food combos!
Some people I know can’t eat a meal if the food on their plate touches the other food. For instance if the broccoli hits the mashed potatoes in even the slightest way, or the potatoes got onto the steak they’ll freak the F out. Might as well throw the entire plate of food out! C’MON! I don’t mind if the food on my plate gets intermingled because of that old cliche “It all goes to the same place.” 
There’s also the folks that are obsessed with certain combinations of food. It’s not like they are just throwing different food or drinks together for the hell of it either. These are the type of people who have been creating these specific concoctions for their entire lives. Look at how popular Iced Tea & Lemonade has become! Shit, my Dad even created his own drink in the ’80s called Pep-Tea. Of course it sounded like some sort of gastric medication but I laughed my ass off after he purposely poured the remaining liquid at the bottom of a Pepsi bottle into his half full glass of iced tea. “Hey Jay, It’s Pep-Tea!” It was a one of a kind moment because he was genuinely proud of his comical creation. If it wasn’t violating tons of copyrights and infringing on trademarks, he would’ve marketed that shit. When I was a kid, while eating lunch at his house, my friend Greg dipped pretzels into strawberry ice cream. He asked if I wanted to try it and I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it, it just came completely out of left field to me. That reminds me of the outrageous practice of dipping french fries into a Wendy’s Frosty. That just seems like the work of Satan to me. Have you ever done that? As gross as I can get, I still won’t cross that line.
I have an abundant amount of food habits as well, but most of them consist of combining my food into a sort of witches brew. If I happen to be eating meatloaf and mashed potatoes I usually just mash the meat and some ketchup into the mashed potatoes into something similar to what KFC now sells as a “Famous Bowl.” In this instance, I feel like they’re pulling the old “let’s put water in bottles and sell it!” scheme. If someone ever told me that my cauldron of ketchup infused meaty mashed potatoes actually looked good, then I may have had a great idea on my hands. Of course, not one person ever said “Hey, that looks good!” or “I do that with meatloaf too!” I do the same thing if I’m eating Oreos which is super rare. I think it just seems more efficient rather than twisting the Oreo open and wasting time licking the creme. After that I’d have to dunk and wait until the cookie gets mushy, so I bypass all that and go for the gusto.  I’ll get a glass or a bowl of milk and just let the Oreos chill in there for a bit and then just eat them all soggy with a spoon as if it’s Oreo soup. Uh-oh…Oreo soup, get on it Nabisco!
There are also people that eat stuff that I just think is totally weird. Recently at work, I overheard a guy talking about how he enjoys eating pigs feet. He claims they taste “just like a juicy piece of steak.” The same guy says pickled eggs are great also. To me, these are fairly disgusting things to be putting in or around my mouth. Today especially, you’ll notice some of your friends or relatives eating the actual bones of turkey or chicken, and eating the marrow. Total barbarians!
Another whacked out concoction I’ve dabbled in occasionally when I was younger is Milk and Pepsi. At the time I had no idea that it was a favorite of Laverne’s from Laverne & Shirley. I used to watch reruns of it when I was very young but I never made the connection. My mother pointed it out one day and she got a kick out of it. Years later this lead me to try making a creamsicle type drink by mixing orange soda with milk. It may sound disgusting to some, but it’s actually pretty good. I’m actually not a straight milk drinker unless there’s some sort of dessert involved. I’ll never understand the Milk with Dinner abomination. Forget about coffee with lunch or dinner, that’s out of the question. Coffee is for breakfast or after a meal only!
It’s possible that I’m just lazy when it comes to food or I actually like tasting all the leftovers together at the same time. Sometimes I’ll take 3 different leftovers and throw them into one bowl, mix it all up, microwave it, and then throw some sauce on it (BBQ, ketchup, honey mustard etc). The less work I have to do to eat the better. I’m not passed throwing everything into a blender and drinking my meal either. My friend Steve used to make fun of my odd blending obsession by asking me “What are you drinking…a Meat smoothie?” I would never take part in ingesting something that disgusting, but if we can get closer to becoming the Jetsons in this world I’d be happy. I’d like to pop a “lunch” pill with all the important nutrients, vitamins, and protein my body needs to be operating at an optimum level. Think of how easy food shopping would become! We could probably just have a few bottles of tablets shipped to us.
Happy Thanksgiving! Let us know some of your weird food habits:

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.14: Nada Surf’s Popular Video filmed at Bayonne High School

The summer of ’96 saw N.J’s Bayonne High School make national headlines when rock band Nada Surf filmed their “Popular” video there. Popular is a track from their debut album High/Low produced by Ric Okasek featuring lyrics ripped from the pages of Penny’s Guide to Teen-Age Charm and Popularity (Gloria Winters 1964). The video featured some actual Bayonne High Cheerleaders, and several scenes where the B.H.S football team hits the showers, leering at each other.

After the video was a hit on MTV, Bayonne High publicly announced how offended they were and claimed that the video made their football team out to be gay. God forbid anything’s ever said about a high school football team. I can’t speak for other states, but in N.J high schools, football players are the golden children. They’re basically exempt from ever getting in serious trouble, and many of them get passed through classes they have no chance of ever passing. So take that football players! I busted my ass in high school while I personally knew players who didn’t put in half the effort I did, got horrible grades, and still passed with no problems. It’s looked at as if the players are doing the school a favor so the school pays it back.

The primadonnas who ran Bayonne High School 12 years ago couldn’t take a friggin’ joke. I bet this Nada Surf video is their biggest claim to fame. B.H.S’ case is irrelevant because we’re bound to notice a bit of homoeroticism anytime we’re shown scenes depicting male athletes showering together. It’s universal, not just in New Jersey. Nada Surf rebutted by explaining that the video wasn’t meant to poke fun at the football players and that the video actually maintained a heterosexual vibe. Leave it to a school system in N.J to come out with such a ridiculous claim. Can’t we take a damn joke? Many of the employees in N.J’s various educational systems (ASIDE FROM THE HARDWORKING TEACHERS!) are paranoid, corrupt, fogeys. If they had any reserves about filming a sarcastic rock video at their school, they shouldn’t have let them film there in the first place!

Notes on an ’80s Scandal: “Mr. Mom” Jack Butler’s Shocking Secret!

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How many times have you heard the statistic that 50% of marriages end in divorce? I for one have heard it so many times that it makes me wonder why people get married in the first place. I take Gene Simmons stance on the subject, he remains “happily unmarried.” One of the most prominent reasons for rampant divorce is infidelity. Even the model husband is still not exempt from having his will power melted by some hot lingerie clad minx who’s bent on bedding him down.

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Take the sexily milfish Joan (Ann Jillian) from Mr. Mom for instance. Her character was a divorcee whose main excitement consisted of grocery shopping, male revues, playing poker for coupons, and gossipping about daytime soaps. She didn’t fly into fiery jealous fits of rage and she never tried to make Jack’s wife Caroline’s life a living hell. She was slick and subtly made herself an accessible part of Jack’s life. Caroline wasn’t present that often in the household while she was pursuing her career, so Joan took advantage of a perfect opportunity to steal Jack’s affections away from her. She planned to be everything Caroline wasn’t. Unlike Caroline, Joan was enticed by Jack for who he was. She liked his beard, his old flannel shirt, and the fact that he gained a little bit of weight: “I like a man with a little meat on his bones.”

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It wasn’t long before Jack had a dream involving Joan seducing him. We all know that’s the first step in realizing you want to bang someone. Let’s face it though, considering how thick she laid on the seduction sauce, it would’ve been pretty damn easy for Jack to fall into her clam trap. Alas, in the film Jack wakes up and the viewers can rest assured that it was only a dream. Don’t worry, our male-mom hero hasn’t cheated on his loyal wife. But has he?

The FBI agents here at The Sexy Armpit took a trip to the archives to view footage from the cutting room floor of Mr. Mom, and we found some interesting evidence. Actually, what we came across was more of a sex tape. Believe it or not folks, long before the days of Pam and Tommy, and Paris and Rick, Jack and Joan made a sex tape. Unfortunately, I do not have lawful clearance to show the footage to you, but I can clue those in who have an insatiable lust for the juicy tidbits: There was tons of anal.

Would you have been able to resist Ann Jillian knocking at your door, then opening her trench coat to reveal some sexy lingerie? Are you sure? She was ready to tend to Jack’s every want and need. I’m sure whatever fantasy he conjured up in his head she would’ve made it happen, after all, she was the original desperate housewife.

It wasn’t until recently when I made the connection and started gathering evidence to make my case. I realized that a few years later, in the 1989 film The ‘Burbs we have living, breathing proof of the Jack and Joan liaison in the headbanging neighbor, Ricky Butler. Ricky lived in Mayfield Place and relished in watching the hijinks his neighbors got themselves into. Just by his physical appearance I noticed the similarities Ricky had to Jack and Joan.

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Ultimately, Jack Butler stayed with his wife Caroline but never admitted to her that he had actually bumped uglies with Joan. His sons Alex and Kenny grew up and were never aware they had a stepbrother. Listen up guys, your dad is a rotten cheating mr. man-whore! Joan never told anyone about her and Jack’s baby. Upon learning she was pregnant, Joan relocated to Mayfield Place when she realized she would never have Jack all to herself. (Incidentally, the set of The ‘Burbs is now used as the set for Desperate Housewives.) In her new neighborhood, she went on to become the town’s happy drunk and earned her title of town floozy. She decided that she wanted little Ricky to keep Jack’s last name in honor of her love for him. Little Ricky did not grow up to build cars like his dad, but he did become a skater/metalhead who obviously inherited ladies man status from his father: “Hey uhh Mrs. Rumsfield…no tan lines this morning…looks nice!”
Is it curious that we never actually see Ricky Butler’s parents in The ‘Burbs? In 1989, Michael Keaton was most likely too busy being Batman to make a cameo as Ricky’s estranged father. Let this be a lesson to all those bored homewrecking housewives out there: stop seducing your girlfriend’s hardworking husbands! Their almost non existent will power is no match for your shrewd womanly ways. A word to the wise: If you are going to pull a “Jack and Joan,” always keep in mind that you may just wind up with your own little mistake. Then again, who wouldn’t want a scraggly poster child for Vision Street Wear like Ricky Butler running around?

Barack’s in Bed with NJ: Mattress May Be Made in Jersey

Like several Presidents before him, President Elect Barack Obama may choose a mattress from Shifman Mattress Co. in Newark N.J. According to this NJ.com article, their luxury mattresses range in price from $3,500 – $21,000. I find that amusing considering I’ve been sleeping on the same shitty Sleepy’s mattress for the last 7 years.

The Wrestler starring Mickey Rourke filmed in New Jersey

In The Wrestler, starring Mickey Rourke, it seems that Marisa Tomei plays a stripper. I’m a big fan of her recent renaissance as an on screen sexpot. Anytime Marisa Tomei is nude or partially nude is a good thing (see Until The Devil Knows Your Dead). I’ve pondered how incredible she looked under those clothes since I was a kid watching A Different World and now I wonder no more. How does this work into The Sexy Armpit you say? Some scenes in The Wrestler were filmed in New Jersey and a new Bruce Springsteen track is featured in the closing credits.