Production Blog 4: The Halloween Special 2014 Premieres FRIDAY!

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In case you haven’t seen it around on social media, The Sexy Armpit Halloween Special hits YouTube on Friday night!

My previous production update included the colossal bummer of discovering that a full days worth of footage we shot didn’t come out. That’s the less technical way of putting it, and to keep this post from being 6 pages long, let’s leave it at that. Things are a lot more upbeat this time around and I’m psyched to announce that the Halloween special premieres on YouTube this FRIDAY night!

After having our schedule pushed out a week, I can still say that even after getting thrown off by a full week, I am planning on premiering the Halloween special a full week ahead of last years premiere date!

Aside from our schedule being thrown out of whack, I was equally as concerned that the video would surpass 30 minutes. Fortunately, it’s not 30 minutes, but it’s about as long as a TV sitcom. Now, this would all depend on the way you look at things, but some fans and friends of the site, and even I could lodge the argument that even if we did come in at 30 minutes, it would be 30 minutes of free, independent Halloween goodness that you won’t see anywhere else. Plus, it has some of our online cohorts in it as well. Most of the time I prefer 20 minutes to be the absolute maximum, but this time there’s more of an actual fleshed out storyline to get wrapped up in.

If you enjoyed our previous 2 Halloween specials, you won’t be disappointed! From a personal standpoint, I can’t yet comment on which one is my favorite until I watch the finished product on the big screen TV with friends and family to really capture the feel of it. As it stands now, last years Halloween special is my favorite, and possibly my favorite video I’ve ever made, but in only mere days I’ll find out if the 2014 installment edges it out.

For your Halloween enjoyment, I highly recommend you try to watch it on your TV, whether it be a Smart TV or if you have a PS3/4, XBox, Apple TV or Roku. I feel like Michael Cole berating you with information, but in this case, I have this feeling that your experience will be so much better than watching it on a tablet or a phone.

I thank you for reading along with the production updates, and I appreciate all of you who showed support on Twitter, IG, and Facebook! This whole thing, including my site, videos, and everything means so much more when I run into people who legitimately enjoy it. This year the special has been a lot more work and sucked up way more time than ever, but I am proud of it. It gives me the chance to present you with a little something extra during my favorite time of the year. Literally several quarts of sweat went into this video, and I also stained my face, pissed a lot of people off, burned the entire interior of my mouth including my tongue, almost had the cops called on me, and probably gained 7 lbs sitting on my ass writing and editing, but it was worth it.

A huge thanks go out to our small crew of friends (you know who you are) and loved ones who helped make this special happen. Whether you’re here with me driving all around New Jersey or you sent me a recorded part your part from across the country, I have nothing but immense appreciation for you.

I haven’t had much time to do anything except work on this film for nearly 2 months. It’s hard to imagine the amount of hours we’ve spent making this film, and to consider that I’ve spent almost triple the amount of hours editing it than we took to film it is pretty nuts. It seems totally preposterous, and even though it’s a silly YouTube video, it’s still incredible time consuming. Getting back to a normal existence will be welcome. Next year the special is going to be 4 minutes lol.

What’s next for me? Most important, I am going to enjoy the rest of October and get right back into the Halloween countdown. I’ll be reading your blogs as well. Come back soon for a few more cool posts for the countdown and at least another video, maybe two if I have enough horror and caffeine in me!

BE HERE FOR THE PREMIERE:

FRIDAY NIGHT 10.10.14
THE SEXY ARMPIT HALLOWEEN SPECIAL!

AD JERSEUM 18: Ballantine Ale Halloween Party!

We all know there’s nothing scarier than…OLD BEER!

Growing up in the ’80s, there were plenty of Halloween and Beer ad tie-ins. We were pretty spoiled in that regard, although it’s been going on for many moons before Elvira showed up in a Coors Light ad. Above, you can see an example of such a thing from 1943, except without a beehive haircut and cleavage.

Today’s ad features one of the oldest beer brands in the country, Ballantine Ale, which is deeply rooted in New Jersey. I wasn’t around during it’s heyday, but growing up, we had a few pieces of Ballantine paraphernalia in my house, so I was familiar with it, even as its popularity throughout the country waned.

In the house I lived most of my life in, we had an actual bar in our house, not one that you would buy at a furniture store or at a place that sells bars, but an actual bar complete with leather stools transported from a real bar in Newark.

It was permanently installed in our den, which was basically our play room. Yes, we played in a room that had a giant full wet bar. Once the huge family gatherings started to become a rarity because family moved away to various parts of the country, the bar room eventually evolved into my own personal play room and wrestling arena for the better pat of my childhood.

We didn’t change anything in the bar so it pretty much stayed the same way since the late ’70s. There were colored lights and lots of authentic liquor trays coasters, branded glasses and mugs, and lighted fixtures with various brands of beer and soda like Schaefer, Carlsberg, Heineken, 7Up, and others.

I can’t really say I ever cared to sample anything until I got older. Maybe crème de menthe because it was green and looked somewhat more appetizing than say, Seagrams 7. The Frangelico bottle in the monk costume didn’t look to shabby either, mostly because it reminded me of the figural shape of Mrs. Butterworth’s, but I hadn’t developed a taste for it yet.

Trust me, just because this thing was in my house didn’t drive me to boozin’ at an early age. If anything it removed the temptation that a lot of my other friends had. Why would I beg my sister or ask an older friend to go to a liquor store for me when I stared at these dusty bottles that no one ever drank every day of my life? Eventually, as I got a little older, there were a few times when I had to enlist some help, similar to the Goldslick Vodka fiasco in Superbad.

While clicking through eBay, and definitely not intentionally looking for Ballatine Ale memorabilia, I came across a vintage Halloween themed ad for this beer which is perfect for our column AD JERSEUM. Print ads are rarely this enticing anymore and finding one oozing with so much old school Halloween spirit makes it even more tremendous!

The ad is pure persuasive Halloween magic. The kickass bar didn’t drive me to drink, but this ad makes it seem like the most fun and appealing activity that anyone could ever take part in. Whenever a product or company completely embraces holidays and makes them the basis of an entire ad campaign, that’s gold in my book.

The ad recalls a time before I was born when parties with a slew of guests were a common practice and entertaining on a weekly basis was the thing to do. Finger foods were a hot commodity and quirky adult beverages were always on the menu.

Let me break this scene down for you. A spooky witch, A knight, and Mr. Pumpkinhead with the argyle shirt are all at a dinner party. It looks as if the witch is attempting to scare the letters in the word BOOO and those letters are shooting back sarcastically with one of those “shakin’ in their boots” mocks back to her as if her attempts are not really scary at all, cause he knows the drill. Boo has been around the block many times with this witch. Cannot pull the wool over his eyes anymore…or the sheet.

The main focal point, of course, is the beer, which looks so damn appealing. It almost looks more like an ice cream soda with whip cream swirled on top than a plain old beer. And look how this brew is making these m’fers HAPPY. You can almost hear Pharrell Williams singing the background song of this ad.

The Knight is completely psychotic and will without a doubt KILL Mr. Pumpkinhead after the first round of hors de ouvers. Hopefully he’ll let everyone grab a cocktail wiener on a toothpick before he chops this poor guys head off and puts it over his head to reenact the legend of Sleepy Hollow out front to the delight of the snobby drunk well-to-do folks who attended this soiree. I just realized, cocktail wieners were completely out of the question for this party, CORRECTION – Crab Puff pastries, my bad.

If you can read the very tiny verbiage, it describes talking with our hands as if it was an ancient thing, which is interesting. Jerseyans and New Yorkers are often described as people who talk with their hands, so this part of the ad works on two levels. Here, hand gestures are referred to as a “Handy.” Stop smirking. This is serious beer business.

The handy mumbo jumbo doesn’t make much sense to me, but I chalk that up to it’s age. Maybe at one time it made perfect sense to readers. We don’t really need to connect with this lingo, because apparently, all we need to know is that the “OK” hand signal means this Ballantine stuff is a superlative beer.

According to Wikipedia The new Ballantine is not the same exact brew as it once was because the original recipe from over 100 years ago has been lost to the ages. Presently, it’s been said that the brew is reminiscent of it’s original flavor. I’ve tried it actually found it enjoyable, and easy to drink. If you want to add a vintage flair to your Halloween party this year, give Ballantine a shot, look how happy it made the Knight and Mr. Pumpkinhead!

*Long after I wrote this, a coincidental thing about this beer happened. I was driving home last weekend from Weehawken, NJ on the NJ Turnpike with Miss Sexy Armpit and we saw a giant Ballantine billboard. It looks like this beer is attempting to make a comeback! I had no clue about that either because this post had been in the can for about a month before I even saw that billboard!

Facts about Ballatine from Wikipedia:

– Founded in Newark in 1840, the company stayed in the Ballantine family until the brewery close in 1972.

– Ballantine, based out of Newark, exists in name only nowadays. The brand is owned and marketed by Pabst while the actual brewing is outsourced to Miller.

– Ballatine was a longtime sponsor of the New York Yankees

– Martin Crane on Frasier was a fan of Ballatine beer

Production Blog 3: Halloween Special 2014, Catastrophe!

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Now is the most logical time to impress upon you that you should check out our 1st and 2nd Halloween specials if you’ve never watched them. They do have aspects that will continue in our upcoming 3rd special, so watch ’em on your smart TV right before you view your next horror movie!

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOhL19V-TfM][youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJ_R7kXLGZc]

Please subscribe and check out our other videos at: https://www.youtube.com/user/thesexyarmpit/videos

Back to the production update:

There was a lot of positivity and momentum going on in the last production update.

This one is more filled with rage and furious anger.
What I intended on being the final day of filming actually turned out to be disastrous, aside from an wondrous trip to Smashburger (had the chicken avocado club in case you were wondering!) It was no fault of the people involved like Mike, his wife Lauren, and Miss Sexy Armpit. It wasn’t my fault either, it was the camera. It seems to gave gone bye-bye. Not disappeared, but more accurately, gone to shit. It’s a realm that I don’t think it will ever return from.
Regardless, after I transferred the footage the computer, I watched it back…stupefied at what I was viewing. Each piece of footage was incredibly pixelated and distorted. If I was making a found footage movie that was recorded on a half broken GoPro camera, this would’ve been tops. I even tried converting the footage, but there was no fixing it since it seems to definitely be an issue within the camera itself.
So, the footage was fucked, and I felt that I was as well. Nothing like a catastrophe like this putting a huge damper on forward progress and what little motivation I had at that moment. I won’t feel fully in the game until we get back on track with the all the footage in the can.
Looking back, it makes this whole thing seem like more of a struggle, and it definitely IS. There’s no embellishing here. Considering there’s no budget, and a fair amount of arguing, the resentment of Jay factor is rising amongst those involved. The only thing I can promise is that when it’s done, the crew and YOU will be moderately entertained. That is what will redeem me here, I hope.
Fingers crossed, tomorrow we’ll complete our re-shoots with a brand new cam. After that it shouldn’t be too long before I can unleash The Halloween Special 2014 to all of you. 
As far as running time, we are looking at pushing 25-30 minutes and I previously mentioned in the last post, that is way too long in my view. But there’s too much good stuff that it’s not getting chopped to hell. Let’s face it, we don’t get a limited edition Scream Factory blu-ray so I’m gonna make this one count! 
Also, it’d be great if you want to incorporate it into an October horror-thon, like watching it before ohhh, say…Halloween 2 or something, of course that’s just a suggestion, I don’t mean you should actually do that, except no, I DO MEAN EXACTLY THAT. PLEASE.
Cursed footage. Raging tension. Heated arguments. This could be the basis of next years Halloween special. Bah, who am I kidding, I already have 5 ideas for it.
I truly appreciate everyone coming together to help out when this really brought down all of our moods. On a lighter note, I can report that this has been a real team effort. Lots of our online friends have pitched in to help, and even some surprise guests that went out of their way to make appearances both on camera and off. You know who you are, and you will all be thanked heavily in the credits! This aspect of it is really going to make this special the most monumental installment so far. My original vision for these was exactly that – a throwback. I’m all about including guest stars and hijinks much like some low budget TV special you might have seen in the ’70s.
Stay Tuned and thanks for hanging in there! I will not rest until it’s complete!

Production Blog 2: Halloween Special

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Since we won’t be filming the next half of the special until the weekend, I decided to begin cutting the footage we’ve already shot. I always find an insane amount of joy in watching the raw footage back while editing, it’s one of the more enjoyable phases of the process.

Although, even basking in this glorious almost-Autumn weather hasn’t been enough to rescue me from feeling a bit distraught. The excitement of Halloween has not yet fully hit me yet because this mammoth undertaking IS A LOT OF DAMN WORK!

I blame myself.

Honestly – writing, “acting,” filming, and editing are aspects I certainly adore, but they’re all a free-time leech, and prove to be a major distraction from being able to fully enjoy the early part of the Halloween season. By time the season is in full swing, I’m beat up from lack of sleep because I’ve been editing for weeks and staying up until 2am and then waking up at 5am for work. When Halloween is over, I look back and have no idea where it all went. One of these days I just want to sit back and take it all in. Maybe I’ll start recording the special in the spring time? Nah. It just wouldn’t feel right.

Like so many of you, Halloween inspires me. The span of September 1st all the way until October’s big 3-1 is one huge overload on my brain. I can’t even reign in all the ideas I have, nor could I possibly ever execute all the trips, blog posts, and videos that I have on deck. There’s just not enough time, especially when one is biting off more than he can chew with a full time job, trying to blog, AND creating a Halloween special for YouTube.

I’m sure there were many people out there who probably watched our last two specials and got nauseated, but I am not here to beat them into submission and staple their eyelids open to watch our ridiculous YouTube video. I’m appreciative and happy about those out there who genuinely enjoy them and plainly see in them the obvious outpouring of love that I have for Halloween, horror films, and pop culture in general. All 3 of those things have literally consumed my entire life, and so has making videos.

For those of you who read blogs in our circles and elsewhere and see the term “labor of love,” well, I can tell you for damn sure that that is a real thing.

A crazy expensive professional video camera was first placed in my hand when I was 8 or 9 years old…in the ’80s. This thing was GIGANTIC and HEAVY. Seeing a similar reference on The Goldbergs last season was surreal. I’m sure there were others who felt the same way, but I said to myself “Holy shit, that was me!” Hauling around what felt like a 90 pound video camera on my shoulders interviewing family members, recording backyard wrestling events, and acting out movie scenes was common content found on a blank VHS tape at our house. That stuff never stopped, it just evolved. Next it was 8-millimeter, digital cams, and transitioning from old school editing on decks to editing right on the computer, it’s been a long journey.

So, to bring that all together, what I’m saying is, as wacky as our videos might be, they actually represent the culmination of many years of passion for horror, comedy, screenwriting, editing, and amateur filmmaking.

Enough of this schmaltzy B.S! Onto the actual production update!

As I mentioned in the first production update, I enjoy the editing process immensely. While the rest of my productions are usually created in a slightly haphazard way, the editing is very methodical.

For only the first half of scenes, we had over 90 minutes of footage. That’s deceiving though, because a large chunk of this is raw footage for the intro credits. To clue you in, I’ve dwindled this all down to 28 minutes, but we have another 2-3 days of filming left. My hope is never make these specials longer than 15 minutes, but it’s a major challenge to tell a story properly in such a quick amount of time. I’m hoping this special will be in the range of 15-20 minutes max. If it’s more, I’m going to get cranky. Since this is our 3rd special, I owe it to myself to not rush the story and make it the best it can be. Who knows, maybe it will be the best one we’ve done so far. What I can tell you is that we have some super special cameos that are really icing on the cake.

I can also add that for every tense moment during filming there’s about 5 or 6 that make us all laugh and prohibit us from continuing for a few minutes. This type of absurdity has already given us about 5 minutes of outtakes that I really wanted to weave in during the credits, but we shall see how long the film itself is. If the run time is already 20 minutes, I’m going to have to make a separate outtake reel and upload that on it’s own.

Another thing I’ve noticed as I look back on this footage is that I am certainly not Stanley Kubrick, but I just wind up acting like him when we’re making these specials. During filming I have no idea that I become a total dick, but it’s like I’m possessed. I think I said “let’s do it one more time,” about 67 times in the first half of footage. Plus that makes editing that much more grueling because for a 3 word sentence I’ll have 43 takes filmed. Talk about driving myself mad!

I’m hoping to have all the filming in the can by Monday, save for a few little bits of the intro and a few other very minor details. Once I load that footage in, I’ll begin the second phase of editing. Time-wise we seem to be pretty much on target. Thanks for reading and come back again soon to track our progress!

Production Blog 1: Halloween Special 2014

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You might be wondering how I could have the audacity to start a Halloween countdown and then not post a damn thing for a week? Trust me, there’s a good reason, and it’s well worth it!

Thanks for baring with me folks. We’re about halfway into production of The Sexy Armpit Halloween Special 2014! This is our 3rd Halloween special and to make it even remotely entertaining (and I use that term loosely) we have to put a lot of thought and actual hard work into it. Since I’ve had to turn my attention away from the Halloween countdown in favor of our annual Halloween video extravaganza, I figured, why not present you some inside info about it right here on the blog?

Although I consider the content of these specials to be a complete farce, I still infuse them with the utmost care and attention to detail. Ahh yes, details…that’s where Mike (@IdiotAtPlay) comes in. He’s always our continuity expert. Of course, we’ll still have one or two minor flubs in that department, but it’s no fault of his. This is multiple levels below even a Troma level of production, so keep that in mind. A few pumpkin beers and everything’s thrown out the window!

As I mentioned, we’re about halfway through filming and things are going well. The second half of filming will continue later this month, and that will contain more arduous scenes in terms of dialogue, props, and “scenery.” While I enjoy the process of directing and “acting,” they are my least favorite part of all this.

Having gone through so many film and acting classes, it became apparent to me over the years that I gain the most enjoyment out of two facets of the filmmaking process. I have an affinity for scriptwriting, but editing is my strong suit and it’s what I have the most passion for. So, I’m definitely anxious to start editing. Matter of fact, I may begin loading the footage we’ve already shot and dive right in to get a jump on things.

As for a premiere date, unfortunately, it’s still too early to tell, but I’ll be announcing one soon. Once we get the rest of the filming is complete, I’ll have a better idea of when it will hit the YouTubes. It will obviously be sometime in October. Typically, I aim for early to mid-month, so stay tuned!

Halloween Countdown 2014, Halloween A-Z

Velcome to Castle Sexy Armpit! Just changing that W to a V made a world of difference, and it’s those little details that have completely transformed The Sexy Armpit into a virtual house or horrors, a terrifying realm of text in tribute to our favorite time of the entire year, HALLOWEEN!

For the past several years, The Sexy Armpit has taken on Halloween motifs that were parodies of stuff like famous horror film posters, and band themes like The Misfits. We continue the tradition with the parody you see above. This header is inspired by a brochure advertising the greatest haunted attraction of all time, Castle Dracula.

Castle Dracula is legendary among those of us who frequented the Wildwood boardwalk as kids. Although it burned down so long ago, it still lives on via the Internet. It’s been paid tribute many times by Matt from Dinosaur Dracula. He’s also gone on record to state  that “Last year’s Halloween season was one of the best ever,” and I am in full agreement with him. I’m not sure if 2014 will be able to surpass 2013, especially when the actual year number was an eerie one itself. Just from a commentator’s perspective, 2014 is going to have to pull off a big swerve to reach the haunted heights of last year.

So, the Halloween Countdown 2014 is on! On the horizon is our 2014 Halloween special which is categorized as “in production” as we speak.

It’s all a bit overwhelming for me. My brain is absolutely flooded with ideas. What will my costume be, will I have to drive all over creation to find the limited edition crap? It’s all about antici—PATION. My mind is racing with all the cool Halloween stuff, products, food gimmicks, events, attractions, costume parties, etc. We wait for it all year and then it just creeps up on us and BAM it’s officially here and I feel like I can’t possibly be ready. Glad this thing starts September 1st, otherwise it would be over with a snap of a monstrous finger.

There’s a moat around Sexy Armpit Castle, we’ll call it Crystal Lake, and we’re diving right in. The lake of course, is made of Ghoul-Aid, hopefully laced with some psychedelics.

So it’s here, we’re living it right now. It seems like everyone else is ready, while I feel ill prepared. It’s like those dreams that you show up late to class on a test day without studying for it. Well, that’s me right now and I’m in that Amazing Stories episode “Go to the Head of the Class” with Professor Beanes.

Every year I typically kick off The Sexy Armpit’s side of the Halloween countdown with a recap of the best posts of the previous years countdown. Since the blog is in it’s 10th year, I’m going to do it a little differently this time. Although I haven’t been doing the countdown for 10 years, I’ve still accumulated so many posts that I feel are worthy enough to present to you once again, especially since you may be new to the site. These are posts that include personal stories from life events, movies, attractions, trivia, monsters, and a homemade comic book among other things. Do a little digging and maybe you’ll unearth something spine tingling.

To get A through Z, I had to do some finagling to get it to work out. You’ll notice some repeats, for instance, it felt like I had 23 “H” entries and there could’ve been at least half of these starting with “S.” And you’ll also notice THAT I HAVE AN ENTRY FOR Q and Z! Hell yes.

Trenton Punk Rock Flea Market Yields a Terrifying Trinket!

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Trenton’s Punk Rock Flea Market has endless vendor tables selling everything ranging from original art and toys to random knickknacks and vinyl record collections. On Sunday August 3rd, we were on our way back from Atlantic City for the KISS show and I’m glad we decided to stop into this array of randomness. Read on to see what I came home with!

The PRFM takes place inside the nationally registered historic Roebling Machine Shop, which was built in 1890 and is dusty, sort of decrepit, and chock full of charm. There’s no better place for this type of event, unless there’s another available historic machine shop in New Jersey that’s twice the size and offers air conditioning. Doubt it. It was quite steamy in this place, and the incredible turnout of people only made it feel warmer. I felt like Janosz Poha in Ghosbusters 2, only I was drippingz with sweat, not goo, but judging by the photo below, you can see why we toughed it out.

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Attracting a ton of people into Trenton who may not normally venture into the city, the PRFM has become a hotbed for people to buy and sell STUFF. I had a blast just gazing around at aisles upon aisles of it all… the stuff that is. As enticing as it was, and with Monster Mania coming up in matter of weeks, I promised myself I would keep my purchases to a minimum. Thankfully, I stuck to my guns.

Out of all the old records, posters, jewelry, comics, and toys, the only thing my eyes locked onto was a small Dracula figure. I was mesmerized by it for a few seconds, but instead of being overzealous, I waited on it because I had no idea what I’d find at the rest of the tables. What if I blew my minimal amount of cash on this small Dracula figure and then had nothing left if I ran into the Holy Grail item to end all Punk Rock Flea Markets?

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The Art of Bob Burke!

It was right around this moment that I actually stopped in my tracks as I noticed one table full of glow in the dark canvases of horror art. What really got me was the homemade Halloween 3 TV setup behind their table! Talk about eye candy! My eyes were salivating over all these amazing pieces that were based on everything I like including Joker, Orko, Skeletor, Frankenstein, Fright Night, Dark Helmet, Jack Torrance, The Misfits, and Cobra. Every character and movie I’ve ever liked was here at this table and it was INSANE. Who is this mysterious incandescent artist you ask? His name is Bob Burke and he’s without question one of the coolest artists I’ve ever met.

 My new glowing Halloween 3 art by Bob Burke!

I couldn’t leave without this beautiful Halloween 3 piece. It will be perfect hanging in my place just in time for Halloween and beyond! Check out Bob Burke’s Facebook page and give him a LIKE! and Follow him on Instagram http://instagram.com/bobburkeart

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Without forgetting my little vampire figurine from earlier, I kept him in the back of my mind as we made our way to the rest of the vendor tables. Miss Sexy Armpit picked up an NJ tank top from True Jersey, and she also got me the Jersey Batman T-shirt that I’ve had my eye on for a long time. Thanks to Miss Sexy Armpit for adding to my massive t-shirt collection! I’ll get a lot of wear out of it that’s for sure. True Jersey is a shop that I usually just hand my bank account number over to every time I see them at an event like this. When I pass their setup at Monster Mania I’ll have to put my head down and move along or else I’ll go bankrupt!

At this point we were getting a little antsy from the heat and we needed some food. Headed toward the front, I navigated over to the vendor that had the little old vampire guy. He was still there waiting for me. I inspected him further and noticed he was dusty, and far from mint condition. I also saw that he had a button and a battery compartment in the bottom, but he wasn’t working. “How much for this?” I asked the young girl behind the table. “I’m asking $10.” Seemed a bit steep of a price for a small figure with dead batteries that was in shabby condition, yet I had exactly $10 dollars left. Typically, I would’ve asked to go a little bit lower, and the girl even offered to go lower, but with two fives in my hand, I just felt it was meant to be. I exchanged the cash for the Drac and we swiftly made our way toward the exit.

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from Instagram.com/sexyarmpit

Just before leaving, I ran into Robert Bruce who you may know from AMC’s Comic Book Men. I busted his chops because he still has my heli-pad from my Kenner Hall of Justice that I got from him a while back. While bullshitting, he gave me the inside scoop that, the week before, Comic Book Men had been filming a show guest starring KISS when they were in the area playing a show at the PNC Bank Arts Center in Holmdel, NJ. Shh…exclusive info for the 4th season!

There were about 5 or 6 different food trucks and the lines for each one were pretty intense. We got tired of waiting, and it was hot and humid out, so Miss Sexy Armpit suggested we try this little restaurant adjacent to the machine shop. Our impatient asses walked a few steps over to Mario’s Bar & Grill. Despite missing out on the food truck cuisine, we went home happy and with full stomachs.

There were some Mexican entrees featured in the menu, and although I didn’t see them listed I asked the waitress if they had empanadas. She said they aren’t on the menu, but they could certainly make them for me. So the secret super special unlisted empanadas were a GO! They were delicious and the entire bill for the both of us cost less than $20 dollars.

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Photo on the Left from eBay and photo on the right via Monster In My Pocket Wikia

Immediately after getting back home I had to consult with eBay and a Google image search to find out more about this unusually creepy looking Dracula figure. Most likely, there are many toy crazed maniacs out there who recognized this guy in .2 milliseconds, but I hadn’t the slightest clue what line he was from. The girl who sold it to me mentioned it was a Monster in My Pocket, but I thought that was odd because all I remembered about that line was that the figures were all M.U.S.C.L.E sized and each one was painted a different bright color. This guy was more detailed and had a different look than the Monster in My Pockets that I recall, and those crazy sinister eyes!

My reservations about her accuracy were debunked as soon as the Google Image search results returned (Approximately 0.41 seconds, in case you’re keeping track). He wasn’t Dracula technically, he was simply “Vampire,” and was indeed part of a 1992 offshoot series of Monster in My Pocket called Super Scary Howlers. This series of 4 figures featured Vampire, Wolfman, Swamp Beast, and Monster, each with eerie light up eyes and scary monstrous sounds!

Of course, I wish I had the packaging, but even if I did buy it Mint on Card, I probably would’ve taken it out, no matter how sacrilegious that sounds.

No idea how I missed this one when it was out, but according to at least a couple of sites that I perused, this line has become pretty rare, and a working set is even harder to come by. Presently, there’s a Mint on Card Vampire going for $44 dollars on eBay, which is obviously much more than what I spent on this loose version. Even better, a loose complete set of 4 is selling for $175 U.S dollars on eBay. That said, I’m already looking into financing my Master’s Degree in Ufology based solely off of what I make from selling this guy. Shit, I’m totally not serious about selling him. Way serious about the Ufology though.

This was an unexpectedly cool pickup! If you were wondering, I placed an order for LR batteries on Amazon so I can check to see if this baby works. If it does, he will be my official buddy for the 2014 Halloween season. Keep you posted on Twitter: @sexyarmpit.

Let’s break it down in case there’s a pop quiz. I brought home a glowing piece of Halloween 3 art from my favorite shot in the film, a Batman style Jersey t-shirt, got the inside scoop on an upcoming Comic Book Men episode, and have added a 22-year old light up Vampire figure to my collection. As you can see, the Trenton Punk Rock Flea Market was an overwhelming success, and if you can get there, I totally recommend going to the next one!

The WINNER of Our Halloween Giveaway Is…

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Alex D. from MA is our winner! Congratulations on taking home our 2013 Halloween Giveaway Haul! We compiled all of the entries from our Facebook page (a record amount of entries!) and used random.org to choose the number of our winner. Thank you to everyone who entered! There will be another giveaway coming up in November! Come back again soon! Happy Halloween!

HALLOWEEN 2013: Prime Evil and Jem!

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After a couple of Halloweens in Jersey full of shitty weather, including a hurricane, I set out to make this year’s Halloween more of a success. It doesn’t even matter what Miss Sexy Armpit and I wind up doing for Halloween, it’s more about the costumes for us. This year Halloween falls on a Thursday so most Halloween themed parties and masquerades happened last weekend. Adult Halloween activities usually involve alcohol in large quantities rather than tons of candy, but I kept my consumption to a minimum this time around, mainly because I was wearing a mask.

Whether you know me personally or you just enjoy reading the site, you know that I’m pretty serious about Halloween. Even before October arrives, I start looking at all the events and masqerades in our area and the costume making commences! Not since I was a kid have I actually purchased a costume at a store. I prefer to put together my costumes using my creativity. Miss Sexy Armpit and I tend to put a lot of time and effort into making our Halloween costumes. How do I decide on what I am going to be? Well, it’s 90% inspiration and 10% feasibility. If I’m overcome by a feeling about a character a couple of months prior to Halloween and pulling it off is within the realm of possibility, that’s how I arrive at my choice.

As a kid growing up in the ’80s, I loved villains. I still do. The 80’s had some of the best villains especially from cartoons. I was a fan of Real Ghostbusters, but I was also a huge fan of Filmation’s Ghostbusters. It confused a lot of my friends back then when we discussed Ghostbusters because you’d have to specify which one you were referring to. The thing with Filmation Ghostbusters is that it didn’t seem to have the same widespread appeal that Real Ghostbusters did, probably because it wasn’t connected to a blockbuster summer movie. It was popular for a short time, but I remember having the hardest time finding a Prime Evil figure (I still can’t find one unless I pay a fortune on eBay!).

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Prime Evil, the main villain, was so cool looking and he was my favorite part of the show. The fact that I have such great memories of the show and the character reminded me of something out of horror movie, Prime Evil was my choice for Halloween this year. He’s been on my mind for the past few years, but I didn’t think I could pull it off without looking too cheap. Intensifying my inspiration was the fact that Prime Evil was the most elusive figure to me as a kid. I rarely went crazy looking for a specific figure unless it was from LJN’s WWF line or later in the Kenner Batman Dark Knight Collection line. He’s the one that got away! My goal this year was to base the costume off of the action figure that I never owned.

Usually, Miss Sexy Armpit and I begin working on our costumes in early September, sometimes even late August. This gives us ample time in case we run into any unforeseen difficulties while creating the costumes. This year was no different.

One of the biggest challenges I faced was finding the right mask to use. Creating one myself wouldn’t have been the best idea because it would’ve looked like shit. Early in the summer I started scouring the Internet for online stores that had a proper mask that could work as Prime Evil mask. I finally found a couple on Amazon and ordered both.

Neither mask instilled me with any confidence that I’d be able to pull this off. One was latex that flapped around and got all bent up in transit and the other felt like it weighed about 40 lbs and hurt like hell when I put it on my face. The heavy one, which was basically a Terminator Series 800 mask, didn’t cover my entire head, but it did have a cool feature: red LED eyes! Actually the eye lights were pretty lame because they blinked incessantly which isn’t an attribute of Prime Evil’s. There was no mouth or nose holes either, so I was able to eliminate that one rather easily.

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Now, with the decision made on the mask, I began working on other aspects of the costume. At that point I didn’t worry about how I would doctor up the mask, I had a feeling I’d be able to bring it up to Prime Evil standards without too much difficulty and if I couldn’t it would just have to suffice.

In between working on her own JEM! costume, Miss Sexy Armpit lent her ingenuity to the creation of my costume. We picked up some red and orange material and cut it in a similar pattern as Prime Evil’s flowing red cape and gown. We used a picture of him I had on my iPad as a guide while cutting.

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Miss Sexy Armpit did such an awesome job with her JEM! costume. It was mostly homemade except for a few parts that were purchased. I picked up the wig for her and she worked her hair styling magic on it. With her dead-on balls accurate makeup job she looked truly outrageous!

One of the most important aspects of the Prime Evil costume is his pale yellow and sometimes neon skin. Fortunately, Green Man from Always Sunny made those second skin costumes super popular and it was easy to find a similar color to the one I needed. The only issue with that costume is that there’s obviously no eye, nose, or mouth holes, so I had Miss Sexy Armpit cut the face open. The “skin” is a main component to the costume because it pulls it all together. It really did give the impression that I had neon yellow skin.

As for the other details of the costume, I improvised. I found a reasonable long red cape with a big collar on a costume website. I don’t think it cost more than $20 bucks, which was great. As for the gloves, I found silver stretchy gloves that were probably meant for a woman to wear to some ritzy gala in the ’20s, but I got them because they were super cheap. When they arrived, I immediately cut the fingers off. I said “f*ck those fingers,” and bam, I had Prime Evil gloves. The mask took a few coats of acrylic paint. The yellow parts glowed in the dark too! Next I needed to create a fake oscilloscope for his mouth. I found a picture of Prime Evil online and opened it in Photoshop. I cropped and enlarged the sound wave in his mouth and printed it. I cut out a piece of cardboard that I bent on both sides. Then I taped the sound wave picture to the cardboard with black electrical tape. I finished it off by covering all the exposed cardboard with the black tape and pinning it to the mask. The red boots were actually repurposed yellow boots from my Kick Buttowski costume in 2011 that I spray painted red. Last but not least, a little black makeup around my eyes and my costume was complete!

Ultimately, our costumes were hits. Wearing the mask throughout the night proved to be quite a challenge, but provided much comic relief. I had to drink from a straw the whole night. This year’s outing was medicore at best and it definitely wasn’t the fault of our company though. We might as well throw a party at our place because we usually wind up having a better time just taking pictures, having a few drinks, and bullshitting before going out. I wasn’t able to eat with the mask on so I was starving by the end of the night. The best part of the outing was heading over to Hooters for a late night snack. By that time I had to take all my Prime Evil gear off because I wanted to eat without sucking my buffalo chicken sandwich through a straw. How the hell did Prime Evil eat? I wondered that while wolfing down my food. I didn’t really think that part through!

Hopped Up on Halloween: A Fright Fest Memory

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When reflecting on the Halloween season, the act of simply stepping outside and taking in a breath of fresh air could bring a flood of fall memories rushing back into your mind.

One memory that came to my mind was the time I headed down to Great Adventure during Fright Fest when I first got my license. I was actually still on my learner’s permit (shhh, don’t tell anyone). It was probably the first trip I ever took there on my own, so I felt pretty badass. Well, I wasn’t really on my own. I took my “girlfriend” at the time, Beth. At least, she was the equivalent of what teenagers considered a girlfriend at the time. We went to the mall and kissed in public. We thought we were cool. Taking her to Fright Fest though – that was the shit. If you asked me at the time, going there was my ultimate date night. Let’s pretend you’re Chuck Woolery and I’m the contestant on Love Connection. Here’s how the date went.

On the way down the New Jersey Turnpike I had the windows cracked and I remember there being a nice October chill in the air. Just cool enough for a light jacket, but still mild enough not to freeze our asses off. It was the mid ’90s, (I know, I’m old – fuck off) and the only entertainment in my car back then was the radio and a cassette player. Naturally, some people had CD players, but they were lucky bastards. Dopey teenagers hopped up on young love and Mountain Dew didn’t have the means for a CD player in the car, unless they were savvy enough to hook up a DiscMan to their car stereo, an enhancement that was still another year down the road for me. The stations get a little fuzzy as we get further south, so the only thing we had to listen to aside from the drone of the LeBaron and the awkward moments of silence on the 40 minute drive down was the cassette player.

If Beth had it her way she wanted to listen to Hot 97 the whole way down. To appease her and show her that I’m open to all kinds of music, including blazing hip-hop and R&B, we listened to it until Exit 9 and then I was called upon by the Gods of Rock themselves. There was no choice in the matter. It was time for the Holy Grail of mixtapes. THE ULTIMATE KISS MIXTAPE. Sure, back then it was fun to listen to The Misfits, Alice Cooper and White Zombie during October, but there was always something just as fitting about listening to KISS during Halloween time too.

At the time, Beth had absolutely zero clue who KISS was. What was even funnier was that she had less of a clue that the title of one of their biggest songs bared her name. She didn’t care either. She really, really, really didn’t care. Every girl I seemed to like had no interest in the music that I listened to, which made my heart sink to the depth of the murky Arthur Kill. As I shoved the tape into the deck, I vividly remember the tape started playing in the middle of “Got To Choose” from Hotter Than Hell. I can hear that grungy riff and that funky bassline in my mind right now. In fact I’m going to pull it up on my iTunes right now. It’s amazing, this whole technology thing, isn’t it? Ha. You should put it on too (if you have it), to get the full effect of this story!

To a non-KISS fan not only was “Got To Choose” one of the least interesting tracks on my mix tape, but to make matters worse, side one of the cassette always cut off about three quarters into it. Just as soon as my mind is rocking out and vibing to the tune, it clicked off and the awkward silence returned. I knew she wanted Hot 97 on, but I didn’t care. I was being selfish, I felt like it was my turn to really enjoy this drive. It was a cool October night, my favorite time of the year, and we were racing down to Six Flags for one of the most fun things to do in Jersey during Halloween. I was feeling pretty awesome needless to say. I turned the cassette over and popped it back in. “Beth I hear you callin’…”

BLANK. _______. Beth was completely blank when I told her about the KISS song that was playing called, “Beth.” In the back of my mind I thought “Didn’t your father or your uncle tell you about this?” I was shocked that another person wasn’t as obsessed with KISS as I was. I had a hard time remembering that this was the mid-90s, not 1977 mind you.

As we got closer and closer to Exit 7, our conversation began to pick up and I lowered the volume to a reasonable level (except when “Parasite” came on, of course).

On a normal basis she pretty much laughed at everything I said, which gave me a little boost, but truthfully, she just laughed at everything that was remotely amusing in general. I could act like an obnoxious ass and she would just eat it up. I appreciated it because she genuinely found me funny. From there, we started trading anecdotes about our favorite rides in the park. Although both of us had been going down to Great Adventure since we were kids, we both felt the level of excitement building up. We were getting a rush before we even went on any rides.

Our time was running out. By the time we arrived, found parking, walked a mile to the ticket booth, and then bought tickets, we had about 2 hours in the park if we were lucky. And as I said, I didn’t have a CD player in my car so I wasn’t necessarily the luckiest guy in the world. This lack of time definitely weighed on my mind because when it comes to theme parks and vacations I’m like Clark Griswold, always trying to maximize the fun.

Our spirits were so uplifted, among other things, that our dumbasses wasted even more time before actually heading into the park. After the long trek from the car to the entrance, we stopped at one of the planters and parked half of our butts for a minute to take in the night…and of course make out. So dumb, so simple, soo had nothing to do with romance. This was about HALLOWEEN. I wanted the bejesus scared out of me and my endorphins were runnin’ wild. Like I said, high spirits, otherwise HOT 97 and KISS MIXTAPE wouldn’t have been lip locked to each other the whole night as if we were the only two people left on the planet.

What was the attraction with Beth? I wondered to myself as I stood staring a hole through a nearby tree shedding frail pale orange leaves. She was a natural blonde, she had a cute smile with dimples, and had big boobs. At the time, coincidentally, as stereotypical as it sounds, that was all I wanted out of life. What can I say? I was a product of the times. Baywatch was a highly rated show, OK? So, back at Six Flags, Beth and I managed to detach our mouths from each others and we walked briskly inside with a little bounce in our step.

It was dark, breezy, the trees were bare, and Fright Fest was in full effect. Zombies and ghastly characters roamed about trying to scare us. Beth genuinely got scared a few times and grabbed a hold of me, then we just got overly hysterical about it as if we just heard the funniest joke of all time delivered by the most smart mouthed comedian of all time. Despite what many people might think of the lines, the atmosphere takes center stage and it’s easy to forget the rest.

The macabre elements such as the fog, the bloody fountain, and the costumed actors jumping out at you when you least expect it, help to far outweigh any of the typical theme park complaints. Being there is the fun. In fact, Fright Fest is such a part of my Halloween celebration every year that it actually makes me get that nostalgic fuzzy feeling. I didn’t get paid for that so let me get back to my story.

Beth and I went on every ride we possibly could, stopping at any chance we could to hug, hold hands, or take part in some other cheesy public display of affection. It was the spirit of the season that was getting us all charged up. And yes, we even went on the freakin’ ferris wheel. Remember when Mikey from The Goonies said ‘It’s our time down here!” well October is our time and I’ve always felt that way. Just hearing the Misfits lyric “Bonfires Burning Bright, Pumpkin Faces in the Night, I remember Halloween,” DUH, of course I remember! I remember Halloween and all the memories come rushing back every time I walk outside and breath in the fall air or gaze into the colorful fall foliage.

Halloween moments are the most memorable ones in my life. I can’t help but think that each of those moments wouldn’t still resonate today if they took place during any other time of the year. Intertwined in the calm and colorful fall backdrop are so many memories waiting to be conjured up. Be inspired. Go outside, close your eyes, and let yourself recall all that is spooky and sentimental to you.