NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 2

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Our first selection this week is another offering from Solid Threads‘ New Jersey collection. The front of the shirt states “I’m From New Jersey but I Don’t Like Bon Jovi,” and the back makes it crystal clear: “I LOVE HIM.” Believe it or not, there’s many Bon Jovi haters here in Jersey. I consider myself a big fan, but if they don’t start cranking out some old school rock records I may lose my Faith in the band! What’s with the silly country music? Give it up already guys! Just play “In and Out of Love” over and over again and we’ll be straight.
Our 2nd and 3rd T-shirts come from Dirty Jerseys who exclusively offer New Jersey tees that are pretty friggin’ funny. The shirt on the top right riffs on the Garden State Parkway logo claiming “It’s My Way or the Parkway.” This shirt truly combines the old saying “My Way or the Highway” with the “F— off” Jersey attitude all wrapped into the immediately recognizable GSP logo. The next one I chose from Dirty Jersey’s says “I Blew My Load in Atlantic City.” The innuendos can’t get anymore blatant than that one! This shirt is hysterical and TRUE because people are blowing their loads in the casino AND with hookers up in the hotel rooms!

To The Jersey Shore, Robin!

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Many Jersey folks refer to the beach as “the shore,” it’s just something we do. Some people wear socks with sandles, we call the beach “the shore.” Some people still bring fanny packs fastened around their gut that’s hanging over their waaay too small seafoam green bathing trunks, while some middle aged women are parading around in front of other beach goers lacking the proper butt cheek coverage. You can tell when a woman isn’t from around here when she’s wearing what Paul Stanley refers to as “butt floss.” 

At the Jersey Shore, some people don’t give a crap if they kick sand in your face as they pass you. And then SOME PEOPLE BRING A MUTHAF–IN’ BATMAN TOWEL THAT THEY BOUGHT AT WALMART. (Me) So, I got news for you lousy people who have no common courtesy and kick sand around while walking: If you see a guy laying on a Batman towel, watch out because you might get a batarang flung at your ass. And nobody wants to see your gut, you beached whale.

Do you think I should soil this awesome rectangular piece of heavenly bat material by bringing it to the dirty Jersey Shore, or should I keep it sheltered in the linen closet at home as it anxiously awaits it’s chance to soak up the water particles off my squeaky clean body after I shower?
Summer is almost here so break out your bootleg of “Surf’s Up, Joker’s Under,” and as the Joker said…”Cowaboonga!”

Red Bank New Jersey’s Monster Magnet

We’ve all heard Monster Magnet’s “Space Lord” a million times, so today let’s change it up and check out the video for “Unbroken (Hotel Baby),” a track they scored a minor hit with from their 2004 album Monolithic Baby. The video’s over the top style and debauchery reminds me of how classic hard rock videos used to be. When I was a kid, I’d fall asleep on the couch at 12:30 a.m on Friday night and wake up later on captivated by the depraved revelry on the screen. I used to WANT MY MTV, where the hell did it go? We need more videos like this! Watch:

http://d.yimg.com/m/up/fop/embedflv/swf/fop.swf

See Monster Magnet w/ Bang Camaro at The Starland Ballroom in Sayreville, NJ this Saturday night 5/16!

From Our NJ Friend Tommy Salami @ Pluck You Too!

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And I always thought it looked like an outline of George Washington, boy was I waay off!
Tommy Salami of Pluck You Too! is a movie blogger from NJ. He sent this masterpiece over to The Sexy Armpit so I had it blown up, framed, and hung in my living room. If you got a problem with that I’ll break your legs and throw you in the swamp next to The Borgata. Yeah, I didn’t think so you sonofabitch! I’m not sure where Tommy got this pic or if he actually created it himself, either way, it’s a classic! And, NO, we don’t ALL look like that here in New Jersey. Be sure to check out Tommy’s film commentary and his “Hump Day” column, it’s f’n spectacular. 
What are you lookin’ at ya pricks? Get the f–k outta heeyuh, there’s nuttin’ to see!

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday

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There’s an infinite number of New Jersey t-shirts for sale on the Internet. Whether you’re into parodies, sarcasm, or you desperately yearn to elicit an “OH SNAP!” from your friends, you’ll never have to look too far for the perfect shirt. Today, let’s take a look at just a few of the endless supply of New Jersey t- shirts available. I’ll make this a frequent segment since it would be a crime to leave out some of the other brilliant shirts I’ve discovered while scouring the Internet. In this column you won’t see a typical shirt featuring the outline of the state that simply says New Jersey, I’ll be concentrating on t-shirts with original ideas or funny concepts on them.

Our first set is from Solid Threads, a New Jersey company whose business skyrockted in the past 7 years. They’re proud of their state and ballsy enough to dedicate an entire section of their website to that fact! Solid Threads even started the NJFU club (It’s not what you think! It stands for the New Jersey Fraternal Union), a highly exclusive club in which only elite Jersey peeps can gain membership.

Less Than Jake: “Never Going Back to New Jersey”

As a fan of bands who at one time wore tight leather pants, teased hair, and more makeup than your Aunty Sharon, you can see why I never got into Less Than Jake. Their upbeat ska influenced sound is bouncy and fun to listen to, which explains their legion of fans, but I just never connected with it. It’s possible that if Less Than Jake were a New Jersey sensation like Bon Jovi was 25 years ago, perhaps I’d be an LTJ junkie. What’s strange is how many New Jersey references a ska band out of Florida could be responsible for. Upon finding their track “Never Going Back to New Jersey” on the You Tubes, I was compelled to investigate further.
Vinnie Fiorello, drummer and lyricist of Less Than Jake, is the reason to LOVE Less Than Jake. Fiorello moved out of Jersey and down to Florida at 16, and soon became a founding member of the band. In what’s probably several million shades more angry than third wave ska, Fiorello has said his drumming is influenced by Dave Lombardo of Slayer, hence the 2 Slayer cover tunes LTJ has released. With his extensive musical background and savvy for the business, Fiorello co-founded the Fueled By Ramen record label in the late ’90s. The label rose to fame thanks to bands like Jimmy Eat World, Fall Out Boy, Panic at the Disco, Paramore, The Academy Is, Cobra Starship, Gym Class Heros etc.
Once the company was overran with faygeles like Pete Wentz, Fiorello, in a Jersey-style manner, told the label to F–k off. He left to start 2 of his own record companies, Sleep it Off Records, and Paper and Plastick. He’s also got Wunderland War, a company that makes radtacular toys and clothes. Right on Vinnie!

In an article published on Buzznet via Kerrang, Fiorello described how up and coming bands are better off trying to break into the business independently: “You don’t need Pete (Wentz) hyping you…It’s a brand new game out there kids, f–k the old model. Don’t believe the hype.” Hey Vinnie, just so you know, The Sexy Armpit wholeheartedly shares in your distaste for Pete Wentz! Just type in Pete Wentz Sucks in Google. That’s just a link to my article on Pete Wentz SUCKING!!!

I have no idea where he gets the time in his busy entrepreneurial schedule, but Fiorello has also written a children’s book called Sometimes Robots Are Happy Being Robots: 13 Stories Looking Into the World of Robots, and he keeps a blog: www.pickyourpoisons.com. Here’s a pic of a few of the cool things you can buy at Fiorello’s Wunderland War Online Store:

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The Hindenburg Disaster

Emil Salvini, author and fellow blogger over at Tales of the New Jersey Shore, posted a blog about the anniversary of the Hindenburg crash last week. Even though this disaster is permanently weaved into popular culture, many people may not be aware that it occured on May 6th, 1937 at Lakehurst Naval Air Station in Manchester Township, New Jersey. A slew of theories exist regarding what actually caused the German airship to ignite into flames, but the number of theories pale in comparison to the staggering amount of times the event gets mentioned in our everyday life.

As terrible as it was, the crash of the rigid airship Hindenburg is still a prominent pop culture reference and powerful visual. You can easily find mentions of Chicago announcer Herbert Morrison’s utterance of “Oh, the humanity,” or a picture of the flaming craft itself in commercials, TV shows, and and magazines. 

The Gods of Rock, Led Zeppelin, were brazen enough to use the image of the famous Hindenburg disaster as cover art on their debut album. Don’t go thinking that the mighty Led Zep had no class, it’s quite the opposite actually. According to Wikipedia, Keith Moon was once quoted that the band would “go over like a lead balloon.” What was merely a self-deprecating, off-the-cuff comment by Moon turned into one of the most indelible album covers ever and had a new generation of kids thinking the photo was simply “the cover of a Led Zeppelin album.”

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Artist George Hardie’s Rapidograph illustration of the famous photo 
of the Hindenburg crash from United Press International.
Recently, The Hindenburg has also crashed the late night TV circuit. NBC’s Late Night with Jimmy Fallon features a sharp sketch called the “Who Cares? Hindenburg” highlighting recent news pieces that Fallon rightfully deems irrelevant and need to die a horrible death. What better way to kill ’em than a send off in a flaming airship plummeting right into New Jersey? Funny shit…

12 Songs My iPod Spit Out Today

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My iPod picked out quite an awesome set of music for me during my morning commute to work today. This shuffle leans heavily on rock and manages to slide in some ’80s classics as well.

1) Try it Again – The Hives
2) Undone – Weezer
3) Shockwave – Black Tide
4) Back to Paradise – .38 Special
5) New Girl Now – Honeymoon Suite
6) Hot Girls in Good Moods – Butch Walker & The Let’s Go Out Tonites
7) Getting Away with Murder – Papa Roach
8) I Want You – Kiss
9) Fallen Angel – Poison
10) Now is the Time – Damone
11) Rockaway Beach – The Ramones
12) Guitar – Prince

Dallas: The Gathering Comic Mini Series

I’m not afraid to admit that I’m still a crazed Dallas fan, even though I live 1,500 miles away and the TV series ended close to 20 years ago. Thanks to the show’s massive popularity, it’s legacy continues.

Courtesy of UltimateDallas.com, here’s the online comic mini series Dallas: The Gathering, based on a script by Bryan J. Kinnaird. The online comic continues where the series and TV movies left off, and just like the classic episodes, it boasts a shocking cliffhanger! You’ll enjoy the comic’s realistic artwork and its page viewer has a smooth, seamless interface.