Sludge Central

GREAT GEEK GORGE #6: Christmas 2012 Edition

Posted on January 1, 2013 by sexyarmpit

A few friends have asked me what kind of cool stuff I got for Christmas. I told them that in due time they’ll be able to read all about it at The Sexy Armpit. See, that’s the beauty of having a blog. I avoid having to rattle off the same list of things at different times to handfuls of people. I decided to incorporate a run-down of some of the awesome 2012 Christmas gifts I got into one of my favorite columns here, the Great Geek Gorge.

I can’t say that I actually had anything specific that I wanted for Christmas this year, but I did indeed drop a few hints at some items that were bouncing around in my brain.

It’s hard for my family and Miss Sexy Armpit’s family to buy me any kind of media. Buying me a DVD or a CD will usually be futile since I have thousands of them and it will most likely be a duplicate. I’m maturing a bit though. Or should I say I’ve been practicing restraint? I waited on buying The Dark Knight Rises and the WWE’s C.M Punk documentary on Bluray because I knew Christmas was coming up, so I threw that idea out there to Miss Sexy Armpit and her mom got them for me! It was like magic.

Miss Sexy Armpit did a great job picking up cool gifts for me as always. She got me a Batman plush “pillow” and throw blanket. I don’t see how the plush doll is a pillow but maybe since it’s geared toward boys they didn’t want to explicitly describe it as a doll or plush toy. Either way, it’s pretty awesome and I had a similar Superman doll like that but from the Knickerbocker company when I was a kid.

Before I get to the big crowd-pleasers there were a few things that I didn’t ask for, but I was still very happy to receive. First I got an awesome black cross with a diamond in it on a chain as well as a pair of work out pants. There was also an awesome K’nex KISS set, a USB salt rock lamp for my desk, and a knit hat with ear buds built in. Then, there aren’t many other ways to describe it but here it goes – a Coach “man purse,” It’s more like a mini backpack, but really there’s no other way around it. At the end of the day it’s still going to be referred to as a man purse. It’s pretty swank though. It’s a step up from my old TV Guide duffel bag that they sent me for free. I can understand not wanting to be seen in public with a guy carrying that around, especially while on vacation.

For those who know me or follow me on Twitter (@sexyarmpit) I’ve been obsessed with A&E’s Storage Wars for the last few months. I’m not into the other variations on the show, just the original incarnation. My favorite is Barry Weiss – that guy cracks me up. He always puts on these black skeleton gloves before he picks stuff out of lockers and I wanted a pair of my own.

The gloves and the next item you’ll read about were the only items I actually threw out as ideas for Christmas. I was a little sad that I didn’t get the gloves after my girlfriend and I exchanged gifts, but then, soon after, I was ecstatic when Miss Sexy Armpit’s mom got them for me!

One KISS collectible that I always wanted but never got my hands on was a limited edition 24-inch Gene Simmons statue by a budding (at the time) New York toy company called Art Asylum. The statue was part of the full band collection and created in the comic book style of the Destroyer album cover art. When pushed in, the statue’s base plays “God of Thunder.” The 24 inch line was sold at Spencer Gifts in 1999 and they each retailed for about $150.00. Back then it was too pricey for me. Nowadays a full set mint in box would probably go for close to $1,000. although I’m no Toy Hunter. Jordan Hembrough would probably ask $1300!

Around the time their big comeback record Psycho Circus, the KISS craze was on again worldwide. Toys, t-shirts, and comics filled stores like Spencer’s and KISS fans were going nuts buying everything in sight. The 24 inchers were the highest quality figures at the time, but with KISS fans you have to pick and choose what to spend money on, especially back then. There were concert tickets to be purchased, and plenty of other items that I lusted after, so I tried to ignore the most ultimate Gene Simmons figure I’d ever seen. Then, years later, at KISS cons and on eBay, the prices increased a bit.

Aside from my KISS fountain that spews blood out of Gene’s mouth, dubbed “The Gene Simmons Vomitizer” by Sebastian Bach on an episode of MTV Cribs (which coincidentally Miss Sexy Armpit ALSO got for me for Christmas one year), this giant limited edition figure is the Holy Grail of Gene Simmons collectibles in my opinion. It was hot on my mind and I figured I’d tell Santa, Miss Sexy Armpit, or anyone who would listen that I wanted this giant Gene for Christmas. So what if I was 14 years late on the mark?

Miss Sexy Armpit came through and continued to feed my KISS habit! She also came up with the idea to customize a pair of Sexy Armpit sunglasses for me. These are very cool pilot style sunglasses made by a company called Vaunt – check them out! The Sexy Armpit logo and name are etched into the lenses! The company can put anything you want on the lenses so it’s a cool gift idea!

Thank you to everyone who made this Christmas kick ass for The Sexy Armpit!

The Sexy Armpit’s Christmas Address

Posted on December 25, 2012 by sexyarmpit

No The Sexy Armpit isn’t dead. And no, I haven’t given up on the site.

Not too long ago I was getting over a head cold and then I just fell into a lazy funk the past few weeks. It happens to the best of us. Slacking is especially easy at the end of the year. After a pretty f’d up year filled with tough times for everyone comes the shopping, the holiday traffic, and the aggravation that goes along with it. So now it’s time to enjoy the hard work we put in this year, and soak up as much of the quality family time we can.

From my perspective here in New Jersey we dealt with one of the most disastrous hurricanes ever in the U.S. In addition to that, all we’ve heard about this year are heart wrenching news reports on the mass shootings happening around the country as well as reading every single stupid journalistic spin on the “fiscal cliff” that fills our quota for a lifetime. As with every ball drop in Times Square, 2012 started out positive, but definitely didn’t end that way. Whether these things effect you personally or not, these are stressful times. I didn’t even come up with a wish list for Santa Claus like I did last year.

As bleak as this post seems, I’m definitely looking forward to 2013. I’m still attempting to gather a small cast for the rest of the scripted YouTube shows I have in the can. As I’ve stated here in the recent past, I don’t have any lofty goals for this site. It’s not a place where I just post photos that you can find anywhere on the Internet without rhyme or reason and if you don’t see a post for a few days (or weeks) that means I’m not inspired by anything lately. It may sound silly that I refer to inspiration when dealing with New Jersey t-shirts and movie references, but it’s all about motivation, the fuel.

I don’t give a shit about awards, peer acceptance, or credibility. This blog is not a “jumping off point,” and after 8 years I don’t expect to gain anything from it, especially cash. It is what it is, and that is The Sexy Armpit. If you dig it, I consider you a friend and thank you for being on board. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and appreciate every second you spend with your family!

Amy Locane is November’s Garden State Playmate uhh I mean Cellmate!

Posted on November 28, 2012 by sexyarmpit

Ohhh boy have I been keeping this one on the back burner for about 2 years. I’ve wanted to bestow the honor of GSP to Jersey girl Amy Locane for a while now, but there’s no more appropriate time to dub her the first ever Garden State Cellmate than the day she got convicted of vehicular homicide.

While the quality control department here at The Sexy Armpit strives to maintain the proper policies and procedures, sometimes we have to just throw the rule book out the window. I’m in no way commending the blonde actress, a once up and coming star who never rose above supporting roles, for driving drunk and killing a 60 year old woman in a car in front of her. In fact, she probably should serve more than the 5-10 year sentence she will be receiving. But I’m not a judge, I’m a blogger, and I will give her my own sentencing.

Clearly this woman is an idiot. Obviously, Amy is not too bright when it comes to decision making. After drinking at a cast party and then some more at a family barbecue, she got into her S.U.V to drive herself home and eventually crashed into a couple of cars. According to this story at The Daily Record, her blood alcohol level was nearly 3 times the legal limit. If she was at a family BBQ, why didn’t someone offer to bring her home? I’m sure alcohol is never in short supply in that family since Locane’s husband, Mark Bovenizer, owns a liquor store in Princeton.

Regardless of it being an accident or not, the real tragedy here is that an innocent mother and wife was killed. The accomplishments of Locane’s glamorous former career were quickly washed away thanks to her poor judgement. With that said, this post recalls Amy’s glory days one last time before she serves her time in prison.

To me, the pinnacle of Locane’s career and perhaps the role that guys of my generation remember her for the most, is her role in Airheads as Chaz’s annoying, but hot girlfriend Kayla. Years earlier, the glimpses I caught of Locane as Sandy in the previews for the first season of the original Melrose Place were the only reason I tuned in. If I could get the time back that I spent watching those episodes when I was a kid, I would spend them more wisely. What can I say, I was easily distracted by blondes back then.

Vital info from IMDB tells us that Locane was born in Trenton, NJ. She lives in Hopewell, NJ with her husband and 3 children. Some of her other film credits include School Ties, Cry Baby, Going All The Way, and Bongwater among others. Her birthday is coming up in December and she’ll be blowing out her candles in the slammer.

Mary Horror Hysteria: Indie Horror In Bernardsville, NJ on Tuesday!

Posted on November 20, 2012 by sexyarmpit

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8HFDaHcvEo?rel=0]

MARY HORROR is showing on Tuesday November 20th at 9 PM

at Clearview Bernardsville Cinema – Admission is $5 Bucks!

http://www.maryhorror.com/

All these lame horror clones that make it to theaters not cutting it for you? They’re all crap if you ask me. I haven’t been satisfied with mainstream horror output in years. Setting my sights on indie horror has yielded much more entertaining results. Indie horror out of New Jersey is even better, it must be something in the water, or better yet, the tomatoes! The most recent film out of Jersey that I had the chance to check out was Mary Horror, a Ryan Scott Weber production. For horror fans, this film literally has it all: murder, a psychiatric hospital, a witches spell book, and someone even loses and eyeball!

Synopsis from the Official Mary Horror website:

Mary Horror is a normal high school senior who has just moved from Salem, Massachusetts to a small corrupt town in New Jersey. Mary’s life has not been going the way she planned. Her grandmother has passed away, her best friend Kelly has been missing for almost two weeks, and she suspects her boyfriend of cheating on the eve of her homecoming dance. A distraught Mary comes home to witness her family being brutally murdered. Being the only one to survive, she is put in a psychiatric prison to be “protected.” As two years pass by, Mary realizes what really happened that night wasn’t what she thought. As the plot unravels, so does Mary. Her time in the ward has changed her into something evil, a member of the walking dead. She realizes the truth and takes revenge on the town and on everyone that wronged her. Follow the life of Mary Horowitz, as she becomes Mary Horror!

Mary Horror exhibits some of the most technically sound independent film work I’ve seen. Writer/Director Ryan Scott Weber and cinematographer Ryan Coyle soar when it comes to shot composition and incorporating the subtle lighting and Jersey exteriors. Since the movie was filled with interesting settings and the use of real locations such as a hospital and Bernards high school, it all contributed to the realism of the film. The filmmakers were able to build the viewers anticipation as they used their production techniques to suck us into a world that we all could relate to – high school. But that’s only the beginning before things spiral out of control for Mary Horowitz. Yes, I said Horowitz…you’ll see.

The actors took their jobs very seriously and it was clear that they were all in sync with Weber’s vision for the film. Susie Duecker, the actress who played Mary Horror herself, was quite good. It was fun to watch her become so involved in her character. Her transition from typical high school girl to an extremely unhinged one was ghastly and sublime. In my book she really understood the character which is a delicate balance since another actress may have gone on screen acting like a complete over the top psycho and that wasn’t the idea. Credit must also go to Ryan Coyle for the makeup as well as the crew in the costume and wardrobe department. Duecker was creepy as hell when she officially became Mary Horror. I only wish mainstream horror filmmakers could take the hint that simplicity can leave such an impression and we don’t need to see an hour and a half of lame CGI for the film to be unnerving.

The kickass makeup and practical effects were not used frivolously. The film has an old school horror flair, and although it doesn’t take itself too seriously in some scenes (like the one where Weber himself plays an EMT who beats up his co-worker while being interviewed on TV by a reporter) it still retains it’s spookiness. Without a huge budget, Weber managed to use subtle lightning and dutch angles to create the eerie atmosphere of the film. I especially dug a scene that utilized a strobe lighting effect as Mary was about to “interact” with 2 other characters. What tied it all together like The Dude’s rug was the cinematic quality of Scott Vincent’s score. Some parts were so triumphant and joyful, but still sent the message that all is not going to be well.

Without giving too much away, murders take place in the town of Bernardsville, NJ and it creates a hysteria all over town. I’ve always liked that aspect of horror movies when the whole town is petrified of a killer or going crazy acting like animals because all hell has broken loose. That’s captured and mentioned in Mary Horror and now life will imitate art as we have the chance to see a showing of Mary Horror in a Bernardsville movie theater as if we were actually IN THE FILM! The cast and crew will be there and so should you!

Mary Horror is filled with cool cameos. Some of the quick scenes were filmed at Monster Mania while others were full on roles! You’ll see Patricia Quinn, Troma’s Lloyd Kaufman, Jersey girl and Bernards H.S graduate Deanna Russo, as well as a hilarious cameo from Ghostbuster Ernie Hudson in the film.

Up next from Weber is the sequel to Mary Horror, Sheriff Tom vs. The Zombies. You can see the preview to this if you go to the showing in Bernardsville on 11/20!

Popsic Art For The Holidays!

Posted on November 16, 2012 by sexyarmpit

Use coupon code thesexyarmpit10 at

www.PopsicArt.com

*Holiday Gift Idea Alert!*

Often I just cruise around the Internet searching for Jersey related paraphernalia. Occasionally I find some really cool items. A while back I was browsing Etsy and I found Joshua Zaitz’s POPSIC ART based out of NJ. His 3-D style art is colorful and has an cartoonish vibe which appeals to me. What I thought was cool was that among a host of pop culture pieces, his online store offered several iconic Jersey related prints like Springsteen, Asbury Park’s Tillie, and the Atlantic City skyline. Popsic Art makes a great gift for an office, den, or game room.

At Chiller last month I had the chance to meet the man behind Popsic Art. Joshua is awesome and he set up The Sexy Armpit with a discount code for our readers to utilize in preparation for the holidays – THANKS JOSHUA! Browse around his store and I’m sure you’ll find something perfect for a gift and yourself at the same time.

Use the coupon code thesexyarmpit10

for 10% off your entire purchase. This offer is good until 11:59 PM on 11/30/12.

Joshua Zaitz creates 3D Pop Art featuring vibrant colors, fun themes, and a fresh look at some of the most beloved icons we’ve all grown up with. Each piece of art offers viewers a unique 3D experience. Hand-cut pieces are glued layer by layer to the background picture. Since every piece of artwork he creates is hand-cut, constructed and embellished differently, collectors of his artwork each receive a unique piece of art.

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.71: The Oranges

Posted on November 14, 2012 by sexyarmpit

Our featured writer N.J Holden is back and this time around

he’s providing his thoughts on the 2011 film The Oranges

This is what happened when House and Gossip Girl visited The Oranges (Well, sorty of). With fall comes not only the changing of the leaves and temperature, but a crop of films, from the ones that litter the multiplexes like poppies on a bagel to the smaller fare that fly under the radar. The Oranges has just opened in limited release in theatres scattered about the Garden State, and one should think that New Jersey would be proud. An acclaimed cast led by everyone’s favorite angry doctor House and a semi-serious look at the middle aged would be cause for celebration. But aside from the cast, the film is probably the first pro-Jersey film NOT filmed in Jersey. As witnessed by the end credits, New York stands in for nearly the entire film save a fleeting glimpse of the Atlantic City Boardwalk and the nice hand-painted sign that welcomes the visitors to the Oranges. But regardless, one should find time to check out this rare oddity.

David and Paige (Hugh Laurie and Catherine Keener) and Terry and Cathy (Oliver Platt and Allison Janney) are neighbors on the same block in the NJ suburbs of the title, both well to do and constantly enthralled with the latest gadgets on the market. But when Nina, Terry and Cathy’s free-spirited, nomadic daughter, Nina (Gossip Girl Leighton Meester) returns home after a failed relationship, everyone’s happy existence is thrown into chaos. David and Paige’s daughter Vanessa (Alia Shawkat) is embittered by her sheltered life and fleeting dreams of being a designer and their son Toby (Adam Brody), who was thought to be a perfect fit for Nina, is conflicted when the free spirit instead finds a kinship and romance with the older, but miserable, David. What ensues is a comedic look at how marriages survive and wither as well as an insightful look into how happiness eludes people in favor of normalcy and comfort.

New Jersey (despite not being shot in NJ) is shown in an appeal not seen in a certain shore show or long-off-the-air Mafia cable drama. The Oranges is an idyllic, decorative suburb with manicured lawns and a Rockwell-esque appeal that demonstrates that the Garden State is far more beautiful than it is given credit for, and kudos to the production team for finding locations that fit the state without making it too much of a distraction. It is odd that the film, while nowhere near a big-budget noisemaker, could not be filmed at least in a nearby location such as Montclair or Verona, towns that could easily fill in for the Oranges. But the film survives due to the appeal and witty exchanges between the characters, and Meester actually does a lot to distance herself from the bitchy society girl on Girl and makes you feel for and against her devil-may-care character who is far from the typical whore found in such fare, just a girl falling into unfortunate situation after situation. Another standout is Keener, a wife trying to (and ultimately, in hilarious fashion) put on a brave smile while her happily framed life falls apart all around her.

So, instead of the usual fare that is soon quickly forgotten just as soon as it has arrived, give The Oranges a view, a great Jersey film that isn’t and wasn’t at the same time.

by N.J Holden

The Sexy Armpit Turns 8!

Posted on November 12, 2012 by sexyarmpit

Since Hurricane Sandy hit, things have been stressful around here. Many friends and readers that I know through this blog have e-mailed me to see if I was O.K. That means more to me than anything. Thankfully, I am O.K. But, now is definitely not the time to be celebrating. My heart goes out to those who lost loved ones and had their homes destroyed. We’ll make a comeback, we always do.

Thank you. Seriously. If you’re reading this post you’re either a reader who stops by occasionally or someone who stumbled onto this site via a Google search for pictures of Elisabeth Shue’s ass. Regardless of why you are here, I thank you. It’s been 8 years since I started this site and what makes it all worth it is that there’s people that stop by to look around. There would be no point in doing it without you!

You’ve probably noticed that I’m more of a casual blogger. In the history of the site I’ve always tried to post at least a few times a week and for the most part, I do. There’s always a stretch of a few days where I’m feeling lazy. Once it starts feeling like I have to post something, that’s where it loses all the fun. So, I try to keep it simple. In trying to make sure that the majority of stuff I post about has some sort of underlying New Jersey theme, it actually alienates many readers, and I’m OK with that. That’s the point of this blog, otherwise it would just be a random blog with a funny name. Would I want to read a blog all about Kalamazoo, Michigan? Probably not. But the power of The Sexy Armpit lies in the fact that people come to this site from all over the United States.

“Anniversary of my blog” posts often tout milestones. I could probably list a bunch of awesome things that have happened because of this blog in the past several years, but honestly in the past year it’s been pretty much business as usual as far the actual blog goes. I’m not looking to reinvent any wheel or try to get picked up to write for other sites. I like doing what I do. Whenever I’ve written for other sites it’s taken away time from posting here. But posting every day isn’t proving anything to anyone and it’s not practical for me.

Plans for the future of the site are more than just writing posts. Putting up more of The Sexy Armpit shows for you to enjoy at our YouTube channel is what I’ll be concentrating on in the coming months. The posts won’t stop though, so please keep coming by!

Until then, follow me on Twitter @sexyarmpit and Subscribe to us on www.YouTube.com/thesexyarmpit

There’s several people I want to thank so I’ll give you a short list and if you’re not listed just know that I greatly appreciate all of your help!

@MissSexyArmpit
@LipsnCigs
@TheDirtyPearls
@NerdLunch
@ExiledinNJ
@RoadsideWonders
@BrianDonohue

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 103: Restore The Shore

Posted on November 7, 2012 by sexyarmpit

TEXT REDCROSS to 90999 on your phone or
visit The American Red Cross Donation Page to make a donation.

We don’t waste a minute here in Jersey. Well, I sure as hell can waste minutes, but the state as a whole didn’t even wait for Hurricane Sandy to be over to start formulating plans to Restore the Shore. It’s already a well known catchphrase. So many people lost their homes and nearly 30 people lost their lives in New Jersey alone during this colossal storm. The damage along our coast is so extensive that it will take so much time and labor to get it to look remotely like how we are used to seeing it. We’ll need all the help we can get!

Immediately several companies jumped in to lend their help. Local independent t-shirt and graphics companies took to the Internet to sell t-shirts featuring original designs that would donate all proceeds to the American Red Cross Hurricane Sandy Disaster Relief effort. Some of the various tees are shown here in this post, but there’s even more floating around. Beware of knockoffs and companies that don’t seem like they are on the level. Some sites are scams capitalizing on this disaster – while many of them are totally legit and up front about where the money is going. Do some research before you buy! The ones listed below are the real deal!

http://restoretheshore.cowerking.com/

http://www.sandyaidrelief.bigcartel.com/

http://www.globaltechnj.com/restore.php

http://red-dog-apparel.myshopify.com/products/restore-the-shore-t-shirt

Halloween In A Hurricane

Posted on November 6, 2012 by sexyarmpit

Halloween actually took place today in many parts of New Jersey. Not to jump the gun, but I have to make a Christmas reference. After all, this is truly a belated Halloween post. You know when Springsteen talks at the beginning of “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town?” The line “the wind’s whipping down the boardwalk…” reminds me of Saturday October 27th, the night we celebrated Halloween. On the Atlantic City Boardwalk though, it wasn’t calm before the storm.

Down on the A.C boardwalk Miss Sexy Armpit and I were all dressed up for some Halloween fun. The night was chilly, the sand was blowing wildly off the beach right into our eyes, and the wind literally swept us into A.C’s newest resort, Revel, to hang out at their Royal Jelly club. We knew that the impending Hurricane Sandy was on it’s way, but this was just amateur night, the real thing wouldn’t hit until Monday night. Meanwhile, speaking of amateur night, at Royal Jelly, the costumes were optional, but most of the attendees did actually come in costume. I think that if you go out on Halloween weekend it should be required that you walk around with a costume. I was pleased with everyone’s participation.

Not many of the people in the club that night displayed the same kind of dedication we do to Halloween. We carefully pieced together our costumes, and took a lot of time and effort as always to make sure we looked excellent. This year I had an inkling of what I wanted to be for several months, but I wasn’t 100% sure. I’m usually all geared up to create a costume and wear it out somewhere to celebrate my favorite time of the year. This year I was apprehensive because I wasn’t sure I’d be able to pull off the costume. With the help of Miss Sexy Armpit, all of that was squashed because as usual she did my makeup and worked her magic on my wig. And in return, I helped her decide what she should dress up as.

This year I dressed up as the Johnny Depp version of Barnabas Collins from Dark Shadows while Miss Sexy Armpit dressed up as Draculaura, the Monster High Doll. Being one of the only people I know who enjoyed the new Dark Shadows movie, I knew while I was watching it in the theater that I wanted to be Depp’s Barnabas for Halloween. I also thought it would be neat for Miss Sexy Armpit to be a Monster High Doll, not only because I dig them, but also because there wouldn’t be many adults dressing as one of them. She picked her favorite character and went with it full steam ahead.

We left Atlantic City on Sunday. The very next day the tri-state area was obliterated by possibly the most destructive hurricane to hit our area in history. You’ve seen the photos and news reports. People were killed and people’s homes have been destroyed. On a personal note, the majority of our favorite places to go all along the Jersey shore have simply been annihilated. Even before we knew about Sandy coming to town, Halloween this year didn’t have that same feeling for us. It sort of felt like things were slightly off kilter. If that night happened to be the end of the world, it was exactly the way we would’ve wanted it to go down: all dressed up in our Halloween costumes and ready for anything.

*Donate to the American Red Cross Disaster Hurricane Sandy Relief fund or text REDCROSS to 90999 to make a $10 dollar donation.