NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 45: Popeye at The Jersey Shore
Popeye Jersey Shore T-Shirt available at 80’s Tees.com
When mashing up MTV’s Jersey Shore with a cartoon property, Popeye is not the first to pop in my head. But, this T-Shirt mash up actually brings an amusing idea to the table. Could this be a novel way to breathe new life into Popeye for a whole new generation of young viewers? A guido version of Popeye could definitely be funny and it’s not improbable to think that Adult Swim, Comedy Central, or even Fox would jump on airing it. For the next few minutes, just imagine that Popeye’s crew got shipwrecked and washed up on somewhere on the Jersey Shore.
First, we’ll need to see if we can compare the stars of MTV’s Jersey Shore to the characters in Popeye. Ronnie could pass for Bluto (or Brutus as I knew him from reruns as a kid), and for Olive Oyl you can take your pick between Snookie, JWoww, and Sammi because they are all annoying enough to fill that role. Unfortunately, there’s no debate that Vinny would have to be the hamburger eatin’ straight man, Wimpy, and finally Popeye would be The Situation, although he’s nowhere near as heroic, and instead of ripped abs, Popeye’s got killer forearms, gee, I wonder if it’s because Olive Oyl doesn’t put out enough? Oh, and as for DJ Pauly D, we’ll let him create the modern fist pounding theme song for the show.
Classic WWF/WWE Event Cards from New Jersey #6
Following Royal Rumble ’94, Undertaker went bye bye. After losing his casket match at the Rumble to Yokozuna, he (or someone made up to look like him) literally floated up to the rafters of the arena. When Undertaker returned by Summerslam ’94, he faced an Undertaker impostor who The “Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase claimed was the real phenom. The real Undertaker defeated his doppleganger and all was well in the WWE Universe, or so we thought.
Back in the ’80s and ’90s, the WWF was a much different place than it is now. Pay Per View events only took place a handful of times throughout the year, which left several months of anticipation and live house shows to build up the excitement for the next huge event. The pay per view events were filled with drama and action, and none of it was spoiled by the modern day method of blowing their load on Raw and Smackdown. House shows back in the day were even more interesting because if you attended one, you almost felt as if you were in on something that only the people in the specific arena were privy to. Most of the time nothing groundbreaking happened, but once in a while something very cool or spur of the moment occurred. For instance, Diesel won his first WWF championship at a house show shortly after Survivor Series ’94, but the event we’ll be discussing today, The WWF Hart Attack Tour, was pretty routine. It all went down at The Meadowlands Arena in East Rutherford, NJ on Thursday, October 27th, 1994.
As a build up for Survivor Series 1994, The Hart Attack Tour featured a double main event. In what technically should have been the main event since it was for the WWF Championship, (before there were two main title belts) Bret “Hitman” Hart took on his former Hart Foundation tag team partner Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart. The other main event pitted The Undertaker vs. Yokozuna, which gave Taker a chance to exact some revenge on Yokozuna for beating him in the casket match several months prior at the Rumble. It also served as a nice build up for their rematch casket match at the upcoming Survivor Series.
The amazing thing about this card is that the two main events feature 2 WWE Superstars who are main attractions at Wrestlemania 26 which will take place later today in Phoenix, Arizona. It’s wild to think that with all the talented mofos in WWE like John Morrison, R-Truth, Christian, and others, that the WWE opts to feature Superstars who were headlining events back in 1994. Way to keep the new talent down Vince, you basterd! As for the rest of the card, not many of them compete on a scale as grand as the WWE anymore. If anything, you’ll be able to see guys like Doink the Clown, Tatanka, and Billy Gunn on the indy circuit, and chances are you’ll see one of them get inducted to the WWF Hall of Fame somewhere down the line. Jerry “The King” Lawler, I.R.S aka Mike Rotunda, and Abe “Knuckleball” Schwartz aka Steve Lombardi are still employed by WWE in various capacities.
The 1-2-3 Kid, aka X-Pac, appeared recently in TNA, but the others seem to have disappeared. Where has the obscenely awesome Adam Bomb been? Full fledged Bomb Squad members such as myself deserve to know! Lex Luger has been in a quadriplegic state for several years. And of course, we know that the Beast from the East, Bam Bam Bigelow left us too soon.
Street Fighter On NJ Sign
via SodaHead and Mike Fireball
NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 44: New Jersey RUN DMC Style
If you want to look like a pioneer of hip-hop music then you may want to buy a classic Run DMC t-shirt and slip on a pair of shell top Adidas sneakers. Then pick yourself up a ridiculously over sized gold chain and some sunglasses, prop your ghetto blaster up on your shoulder and you’ll be good to go. Or, if you’re aiming much lower and you want to look like a complete dork from New Jersey, then sub out the Run DMC tee for this NEW JRZ tee, get your hair blown out, and whammo…you be illin’! You’re on your way to the anals of NJ dorkdom. That’s right, I typed anals. All you need now is to have The Sexy Armpit loaded up on Safari on your iPhone and you’ll be official.
Run DMC has made a huge impact on not only hip hop, but rock music as well. There’s a film about Run DMC’s career in production, and one half of the group stars in his own cable TV series. The reality show about Joseph Simmons, aka Reverend Run, has aired on VH1 since 2005. Parts of VH1’s Run’s House is filmed at his actual house in Saddle River, New Jersey. Merely a 20 minute drive from there, Darryl “DMC” McDaniels resides in Wayne, NJ.
*Greg Epstein’s store on Zazzle also features this t-shirt design in New York, Boston, and Chi-Town variants.
New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.36: Superhero League of Hoboken
More info on Superhero League of Hoboken at Moby Games
If it’s got adventure, New Jersey, and a sexy blonde bimbo who clearly cares more about posing for the camera than she does saving the Tri-State area, then I’m all about it! OK, so the dude on the cover looks like Thor’s mentally challenged younger step brother, but that doesn’t keep me from being utterly intrigued by the 1994 video game Superhero League of Hoboken, which I discovered while perusing the Moby Games website. The game was released in CD-Rom format and on an archaic 3.5 Diskette! Compared to PS3 and XBox games, this one is laughable, but as I found out, that’s exactly how it was intended.
This satirical RPG is set in a “post apocalyptic wasteland,” aka the Tri-State Area. The game features several New Jersey locales in addition to other points of interest in New York and Pennsylvania. The game map depicts The NJ Turnpike, Newark, Edison’s Laboratory, a Radioactive Wasteland, The East Orange Marketplace, Newark Airport, and Atlantic City.
The heroes in Superhero League of Hoboken sound more like The Mystery Men rather than The Super Friends. Check out some of these character descriptions listed at Moby Games: Captain Excitement “his aura of lethargy and dullness can put opponents to sleep instantly,” Iron Tummy “capable of eating spicy foods without any distress,” and Mademoiselle Pepperoni “capable of seeing inside a pizza box without even opening it.” If anyone decides to dress up as this valiant crew at Comic Con or for Halloween, then you have no choice but to forward me some pics. One thing is for sure, NOBODY will have the same costume as you! Your welcome. Leave a comment if you’ve played this game! Is it a Troma Production in the making? Should I get on the horn with Lloyd Kaufman? If Walt Disney can transform Prince of Persia into a movie than why not let Troma have a crack at Superhero Leauge of Hoboken?
Ad Jerseum 5: Absolut Jersey
Ad Jerseum: So much Jersey advertising it’ll make you vomit!
For many people, diners are immediately associated with the state of New Jersey. This Absolut ad depicts the Vodka bottle in the shape of an old fashioned stainless steel Jersey Diner. You can hit up this diner next time you are hungover from too many Vodka tonics. I’m sure you can order a pork roll, egg, and cheese sandwich there. You can find pretty much every Absolut Vodka advertisement ever created over at www.absolutad.com.
NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 43: St. Patrick’s Day in Hoboken
Limited Edition St. Patty’s Day in Hoboken 2010 T-Shirt available at Solid Threads
Every day in Hoboken is a big drunkfest, so I bet Hoboken will transform into one big geyser of puke on St. Patrick’s Day. It was that exact reason why I did not attend The St. Patrick’s Parade in Hoboken on March 6th. There’s too many people acting like idiots and I have a feeling I would have wound up getting angry and turning green like The Incredible Hulk. Where do you think we are, Cancun? Join me as I suck the life out of St.Patrick’s Day.
The St. Patty’s day parade in Hoboken and St.Patrick’s Day in general is another excuse to drink heavily and wear my least favorite color. I don’t care if I sound like a party pooper, but the holiday never appealed to me. When I was a kid I was fond of the Main Street Electrical Parade in Disneyland, but, for the most part, I’m not really a fan of parades unless they involve The Joker and free money. Maybe if Lucky the Leprechaun personally knocked on my door with a few of his green string bikini clad leperhoe’s bearing gifts such as a lifetime supply of Lucky Charms awaiting me in an 18 wheeler outside then perhaps I would have more of an affinity towards the 17th of March. By the way, did I mention that a 16 oz. Shamrock Shake at McDonald’s contains 550 calories and 50 milligrams of cholesterol? When they concoct a healthier version maybe I’ll get excited for the perennial frozen treat.
It seems that the St. Patty’s parade in Hoboken is held just so the city can collect money. It’s another occasion for buzzkillers, err, I mean cops to hand out tons of tickets. An NJ.com article, 555 ticketed in Hoboken, 25 arrested St.Pat’s Day, was published a week after the parade took place and details the huge monetary loss from hosting the event. According to the story written by Mark G.Maurer, the cost of the parade “exceeded $125,000.”
Sure, public safety is paramount, but recouping at least a percentage of the wads of cash was also high on the city’s priority list. The entire police force was on duty as they awarded 476 summonses, some for open containers, jaywalking, disorderly house parties, and 41 of the instances were for public urination! Why do I even want to go to a parade where the streets are filled with walking disasters who are puking and pissing all over the streets? No wonder New Jersey gets made fun of all the time.
Back to the Future in New Jersey
NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 42: Jersey Girl Corona Logo
The Corona Style Jersey Girl T-Shirt
can be found at finer Shop-Rite locations throughout the Central Jersey Area
You will discover that many females indigenous to New Jersey (aka Jersey Girls) have an unabashed infatuation with alcoholic beverages. Don’t twist my words around, I don’t mean that all Jersey girls are alcoholics, I just mean that many species (i.e cougars) of Jersey Girl are just as attached to a bottle of Corona (don’t you dare forget the lime) or a cold can of Coors Light as they were to their little plush unicorn named Harriet that they held firmly by their side every night as their parents tucked them in.
Poor little Harriet was such a cute little unicorn. She had white fur and a lavender mane. Her horn sparkled pink and yellow. She was there for Jersey Girl throughout her young, vulnerable years. As time went on and Jersey Girl had her first beer, Harriet the Unicorn grew lonely and felt shunned. Jersey Girl’s world, which was once full of wonder and amazement, was now composed of 50 cent drafts and endless happy hours. Calling her a whore would be out of line, even though her mouth’s favorite pastime was chugging $2 dollar long necks. Instead of playing beauty parlor with her little girlfriends, Jersey Girl’s friends grew up to be in charge of holding her hair back when she had to make a routine trip to the vomitorium.
When she was just a little Jersey Girl, she was unaware that when she got older, Harriet the cuddly little Unicorn would have to go into years of therapy because she was ignored by her owner. Just so you know, Unicorns can grow very depressed when they are cursed at with slurred speech. Listen up ladies, remember who brought you to the party. It wasn’t a bottle of malt beverage that you rode on in your daydreams, it wasn’t cerveza that jumped over rainbows for you. Even though Harriet the Unicorn didn’t help Jersey Girl pick up that hot, tanned, juiced up Guido at Headliner last summer, she can still inflict a major puncture wound on him with her magical horn and deflate his pump after she gets wind of how he backhands you in drunken arguments about how you don’t like his stupid dancing and full body stubble.
This parody of the classic Corona logo is odd for a few reasons. First, there is a Jersey Shore reference. Think about how the marketability of anything “Jersey Shore” related has skyrocketed ten fold thanks to the MTV reality show. I also find it odd that this tee was not created in a baby tee style for a girl, as opposed to a regular male t-shirt style. I doubt a guy would walk around wearing this, unless he does all his clothes shopping in Shop-Rite. Would you wear this?