Sludge Central

Saturday Nightmares Horror Convention at Loew’s Jersey Theater

Posted on March 9, 2010 by sexyarmpit

The Saturday Nightmares Horror Convention comes to the Loew’s Jersey Theater in Jersey City March 19th through the 21st. The event will include autograph signings, a premiere of Document of the Dead, Twilight Zone marathon, Screenings of Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, and Creepshow, Q and A sessions, and a costume contest. If you’re a horror freak and live in the Tri-State area, you NEED to attend! Guests include George A. Romero, Ken Foree, Adrienne Barbeau, Tom Savini, and more.

For more info and a full list of guests go to their official site: www.saturdaynightmares.com
or their blogspot: http://saturdaynightmaresexpo.blogspot.com/

Ad Jerseum 4: AT&T on the GSP

Posted on March 5, 2010 by sexyarmpit

Ad Jerseum: So much Jersey advertising it’ll make you vomit!

I really don’t care if you can or can’t hear me now. I don’t give a crap that you think Luke Wilson got fat. Who’s the biggest, who’s the best, 4G or 35G, who has the iPhone killer; the answers to all of these questions are meaningless. If only our brain power went into important things rather than worrying about how to swindle your way out of your cell contract and bypassing termination fees so you can switch and get that phone you really wanted.

After seeing ads like the one pictured above, ATT may have convinced you to switch over to their service despite incessant complaints about it’s poor coverage. Perhaps seeing your future swayed your thinking a little bit. Millions of people drive the Garden State Parkway to head to the Jersey Shore in the summer, and God forbid you don’t have a cellphone! Do people forget the severe legal penalties that exist for talking on a cell phone while driving? I see about half of the people on the road yapping away without a care in the world. Ahh, who cares, right? In this advertisement, those cars are lined up in “full bars formation,” so as long as we have coverage to talk to our friend Melissa with the whiny Staten Island accent and the 4 foot long fingernails then all is right with the world.

Whether you’re using an iPhone, a Droid, a Blackberry, 2 tin cans with a string, or mental telepathy to communicate, it’s all B.S. The fact that I hear people on a daily basis engaging in heated debates about what cell phone carrier has the best service is complete idiocy. The bottom line is that all of the companies suck ass because they all provide mediocre service, atrocious customer service, and are ridiculously overpriced. You can buy the cheapest voice plan, but when you want a smartphone they tell you that you can’t have one unless you buy an unlimited or high priced data plan. You started out thinking you would save some cash by getting a cheap voice plan and then you wind up paying more than double thanks to the data plan and the various extra charges and fees. Who knows what those are for. At that point, you realize you’re paying $100 bucks a month so you can download one stupid ESPN app. What’s more important is the fact that many of us actually are paying over $100 bucks monthly for a single cell phone plan.

Please stop buying into all the hype. ATT vs. Verizon is like McDonald’s vs. Burger King and Pepsi vs. Coca Cola. We’ll never see the end of it, but can’t we stop with all the nonsense about coverage and if you can hear me know, and reliability, and missed calls? I personally don’t give a crap. IT’S A CELL PHONE FOR F-CKS SAKE! We’re not deciding the fate of the world here people! There are so many more important things that I’d prefer my mind get bombarded with during the duration of a day than having to listen to the public girl fighting between two ridiculously rich and greedy cell phone companies.

Wireless providers should have learned long ago that lobbing lame insults at each other only makes them look weak, and it’s NOT what I call advertising. Bitching about each other is what happens in high school. Get the f-ck over yourselves. So to all the cell phone providers out there, Verizon, ATT, T-Mobile, Sprint, etc, you all need to MAN UP and learn how to make a convincing case for your product without acting like little immature children. And obvious New Jersey puns are off limits as well.

I Love You Meatwad, but not for $80 bucks!

Posted on March 3, 2010 by sexyarmpit

Meatwad Beanbag chair available at The Adult Swim Shop

If this thing actually talked like Meatwad and said “Fudge You, Butthole!” every time I plopped my ass down on it, then it would immediately be on the floor in my living room. If I gave into my deepest desires, I would own this Meatwad Bean Bag Chair.

There are 2 reasons why I won’t blow the steep $80 dollars on it though. First, I might use it for 2 or 3 weeks, then I’d probably wind up right back on my couch, the same couch that has the indentation of my ass cheeks in it from constantly sitting in the same spot all the time (their ad describes this phenomenon as “butt deformation” lol). You must have a couch like that. I saw my couch on Sesame Street one time: “One of Jay’s couch cushions is flatter than the other, do you know which one it is? Oh yeah, the second reason is all about the price. I have been known to spend wads of cash on unnecessary crap, but I just can’t justify this one. Perhaps a Meatwad plush toy or pillow will be more cost effective.

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 41: Four Horsemen Studios

Posted on March 3, 2010 by sexyarmpit

t-shirt,action figures,four horsemen,new jersey

The Four Horsemen Studios T-Shirts

available at Store Horsemen

Are you basking in the detailed glory of your latest action figure issued from your Club Eternia subscription? You better kneel down and give a resounding “We’re not worthy!” to the design team of The Four Horsemen (That’s Chris, Jim, Cornboy, and Eric, NOT Ric, Arn, Ole and Tully). They are responsible for designing amazing figures for the Masters of the Universe Classics and DC Universe Classics line of figures as well as many other toys, busts, statues, and figures that run the gamut of fanboy properties. You name it, they’ve designed figures from it; Batman, The Crow, Ghostbusters, Hellboy, Harry Potter, Fantastic Four, Betty Boop, and Star Wars. Chances are, you have many figures in your collection that were designed by Four Horsemen Studios. Last year, they celebrated their 10th year of redefining the concept of an action figure.

The Four Horsemen revolutionized toy collecting for us “big kids,” and for you guys reading this they gave us ammunition to throw back at stupid people who call action figures dolls. You know there’s some idiot in your life who will not stop calling them that insidious term, occasionally just to piss you off. Do me a favor, the next time they pull such an egregious stunt, grab them forcefully by both ears and make them take a look at one of the Horsemen’s figures and the amount of painstaking effort that went into transforming a hunk of plastic into a striking likeness bearing minute aspects of the character.

The figures and busts created by the Four Horsemen should be considered “toy art” rather than just “toys.” For example, the new Masters of the Universe Classics line has helped evolve the concept of what an action figure is. They went from tiny hunks of assembly line molds to actually embodying each characters specific traits, authentic attire, and accessories. If you took a handful of He-Man figures in the early ’80s and popped their heads off, you’d have a bunch of the same exact plastic molds, save for a few with different skin colors. It’s a totally different game now. Now these figures look so damn good you just want to display them in a glass case rather than put them into battle. But, if the day does arrive that the good people of Eternia decide they must engage in an all out battle with the Evil Warriors, they full articulation will help them to kick even more ass. Those old figures couldn’t even bend their knees or elbows! How can He-Man defeat Skeletor when all he can do is rotate his torso?

Today, you can be proud to show off your action figure collection because these figures are worthy of admiring. I was actually able to show my appreciation to at least one of the members of the Four Horsemen, Eric “Cornboy” Mayse. When I worked in radio, I played tunes for Cornboy and the other Horsemen as they often tuned in during late nights at their design studio. You can check out more of The Four Horsemen’s unrivaled designs at their official site: www.fourhorsemen.biz.

The Fletchers – Lights Out Loud

Posted on March 2, 2010 by sexyarmpit

I could have sworn the only thing coming out of New Brunswick, NJ was the vomit shooting out of 2nd floor apartment windows like cannonballs over Hamilton Street after a night of partying, that is, up until the moment an old friend made me aware of a rock band called The Fletchers. They recently released their 2nd album Lights Out Loud, and from the moment of insertion (of the CD you scumbag!), the stereotypes of a repugnant college town cleared away like acne after being doused with Proactive. I can’t guarantee that listening to The Fletchers will work wonders on that jock itch of yours, but hey, it’s worth a shot!

The Fletchers’ Lights Out Loud ascends to heights that their debut album Bright Blue Lights did not. Lights Out Loud is a more focused outing and it’s accessibility makes it apparent that the mind and the voice of The Fletchers, Gary Kaplan, has created possibly the finest work of his musical career. What makes Kaplan different from the host of other songwriters and lead singers coming out of New Jersey is that he’s enjoyed success in bands before. In the ’90s (the ancient times), Kaplan was the singer and songwriter behind two indie bands, Dandelion Fire and Rotator Cuff. His former bands have opened for other big name bands, and Rotator Cuff’s video for “Alfa Romeo” scored airplay on MTV, way back when they still didn’t play music videos, except for a little show at a hideous hour called 120 Minutes.

On Light’s opening track, “Beaches,” Kaplan’s distinct voice almost seems too strong for it’s airy background vocals and breezy, top down instrumentation, but it all comes together less than a minute into the song. Unlike the secretive Coca-Cola brand, The Fletchers formula comes right out of your speakers for you to savor. It’s the juxtaposition of Kaplan’s raspy voice, resonant backing vocals, and music provided by Dan Coffey on bass, Rob Freda on guitar, and Cliff Heaton on drums that provides quite an addictive blend.

Kaplan’s wisdom from his invaluable exposure to the music business has undoubtedly helped The Fletcher’s hone in on their signature sound. Fresh indie rock radiates from Lights Out Loud. Rob Freda’s superb guitar work plays an integral role, but the tunes are also replete with fun choruses, harmonies, and other pop sensibilities. The band’s influences can surely be detected, but The Fletcher’s are not begging to be noticed by the similarities they bare to the groups they listen to on their iPods. Several reviews and critics have cited similarities ranging from Brit-Pop acts to XTC, REM, and The Kinks. A more prominent musical connection, at least to The Sexy Armpit’s ear, is to another New Jersey rock band, The Smithereens. To be clear, The Fletcher’s are definitely not a Smithereens tribute band, but if you punch “The Smithereens” into a Pandora playlist, The Fletchers may very well come up next.

Lights Out Loud was produced and engineered in Hopewell, NJ and mixed in East Brunswick, NJ.

The Sexy Armpit says Download these tracks: “Beaches,” “Maybe,” and “Wasted.” BUY the MP3 album of Lights Out Loud at CDBaby for only $7.99 or the CD for $9.99.Find out more about The Fletchers at their official site: www.thefletchersmusic.com. Friend them on Myspace: www.myspace.com/thefletchersmusic or Become a Fan on Facebook.

The Fletchers play The Loop Lounge in Passaic Park, NJ this Friday, March 5th.

Joker, Joy Buzzers, and Jersey

Posted on March 1, 2010 by sexyarmpit

I’ve just discovered that we actually are just a bunch of ball busters over here in Jersey. The man partly to blame for that is Soren Sorenson Adams. You can thank his company, S.S Adams Co. for cheap gags such as the stink bomb, itching powder, and my personal favorite, the snake nut can! The S.S Adams Co. is also responsible for creating one of The Joker’s most memorable and ruthless pranks.

Adams was born in Denmark in 1879 and came to the United States at age four. His family moved to Perth Amboy, NJ where his father owned a bar. Sorensen was working as a salesman for a dye company when he discovered that the dyes he was selling had an ingredient that made people sneeze. Sorensen detected which additive created the effect and launched The Cachoo Sneezing Powder Company in Plainfield, NJ. In his Wikipedia entry, it actually claims that there was a “sneezing powder craze that swept the country.” Can you imagine walking around town and everyone is frantically snorting sneezing powder and sneezing like crazy everywhere you turn? That sounds gross. I wouldn’t walk out of the house without a motorcycle helmet on. I hate when people sneeze on me. What the f-ck is a “sneezing powder craze”? Was there actually a time when people thought getting sneezed on was so commonplace that they thought it was much weirder if they WEREN’T getting sneezed on? How did America end this craze is what I want to know. This is proof that Wikipedia is no Funk and Wagnalls.

Antoine got a little hot under the collar!

Batman’s arch enemy The Joker should be indebted to Adams for providing him with one of his trademark lethal gags. The prototype to what would become known as the Joy Buzzer was designed in 1928. Then, in 1932, Adams copyrighted the final product and, unlike The Joker’s version, it wasn’t deadly. The Joy Buzzer brought S.S Adams Company huge success which lead them to move into a new factory in Neptune, NJ. In addition to the Joy Buzzer, Adams is said to have invented over 600 items, and patented around 40. Adams has a long list of tricks and puzzles to his credit as well as other novelty items such as the squirting nickel, the money maker, and the bar bug in ice cube. Adams died in Asbury Park, NJ in 1963.

Go to http://csadams.com/ to read more about The S.S Adams Company.

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol. 35: Moving

Posted on February 25, 2010 by sexyarmpit

Somehow everything in my life reverts back to Batman, KISS, and Pro Wrestling. In this instance, wrestling motivated me to want to see Moving back in 1988. If not for the pre-release coverage in WWF magazine, I would not have been as remotely interested in seeing the Richard Pryor comedy. Thanks to New Jersey’s “Walking Condominium,” King Kong Bundy’s role in the film, I suddenly became unusually geared up to see it. At that time I was just a kid and it would be a long time before I started obsessively writing little globs of inconsequential New Jersey drivel on the Internet. A private goes through boot camp to advance in the ranks of the Army, while other people let WWF Magazine be the handbook of their life.

In Moving, Richard Pryor stars as Arlo, an engineer living in New Jersey who loses his job and has to take a new one in Boise, Idaho. There’s one tiny stipulation though, his family has to move with him. Throughout the film, there’s appearances by Rodney Dangerfield, Dana Carvey, and Jay and Silent Bob’s favorite lead singer…Morris Day! Terrorizing Arlo is his neighbor, Frank, played by Randy Quaid, who is a little more sadistic than his trademark role of Cousin Eddie. This time Quaid plays a creep with a brain tumor instead of a metal plate in his head. There’s wacky hijinks galore as Arlo attempts to relocate his family and start his new job.

After noticing that Richard Pryor has starred in 2 films set in New Jersey, it lead me to coin the term Pryor Points. Feel free to use the term to commend an actor, singer, band, writer, etc. who involves themselves in a Jersey related project, for example, “Writer Robert Siegel and director Darren Aronofsky scored major Pryor Points for setting their film, The Wrestler, in New Jersey.” Moving was unabashed about it’s Jersey setting as you can tell by it’s tagline: On the New Jersey Turnpike, no one can hear you scream. I’ll attest to that, but only if you are driving with your windows closed and nobody is in the car with you.

I’m positive I’ll draw some flack for this, but Moving beats Brewster’s Millions any day. Sure, Moving might be accused of being sillier fare than Brewster’s Millions, but it’s a comedy dammit! Did I mention that motherf-ckin’ King Kong Bundy has a role in the film? It was worth bringing up again because knowing is half the battle, and awareness might save you from being smashed by an unexpected Bundy Avalanche. How could such a big cuddly Hawaiian-shirted teddy bear do such a thing?

Ohhh…that’s how.
You know the shit’s gonna hit the fan when Bundy makes his angry face.

I suppose offering him up a Pupu platter would be a futile maneuver

See how everything relates to wrestling? All it takes is a 445 lb. ginormous badass from Atlantic City to get you to see it my way regardless of the Hawaiian shirt. Wait…what’s that you say? You still aren’t convinced that Moving is better than Brewster’s Millions? What if I throw in a young Stacey Dash, bound and tied in a suburban New Jersey basement? Ding ding, ding! WINNER!

Jersey Shore Cast on Ellen

Posted on February 25, 2010 by sexyarmpit

via imbringingbloggingback

http://wbads.vo.llnwd.net/o25/u/telepixtv/ellen/us/video/player/embed.swf

Scarfin’ It with The Armpit

Posted on February 23, 2010 by sexyarmpit

Blitzburgers in North Brunswick

Regardless of America’s obesity epidemic, hamburgers seem to be more popular than ever. Blitzburgers is capitalizing on this popularity with their own eclectic array of burgers, along with chicken burgers, hot dogs, salads, sandwiches, and paninis. Perusing the Blitzburgers menu will give you a case of the old momentary “decisions, decisions” disease. You’ll really have to use process of elimination to determine which burger you’ll order since the menu, specifically their burger repertoire, is so huge. I ordered #21, The All American Burger with American Cheese, pickles, tomatoes, onion, ketchup and mustard, although I was secretly fantasizing about #19, the Jersey Shore Burger which includes pork roll, fried egg, and american cheese, mmm…aka The Burger that WON’T get you abs like The Situation’s. The burger was awesome, but the only aspect of it that disappointed me was that it had two patties in it. I was only expecting one and two slabs of meat not only make the burger sloppier, but I also felt kind of disgusting after eating such a gigantic burger. Blitzburgers also has another location in New Brunwick.

Blitzburgers Grill and Cafe

468 Renaissance Blvd. East

North Brunswick, NJ

Sliders Bar and Grill in New Brunswick

The Tex Mex Chicken Slider with avocado and monterey jack cheese was a perfect sized portion so I didn’t feel stuffed before heading to The Stress Factory later that night. The chicken patty was cooked just right and was very flavorful, but my only gripe with this slider was that the bun was too small for the patty. I understand the concept of a mini burger, but the roll did not cover the circumference of the patty, which bothered me. As you can see, the presentation is trendy and more upscale but the prices are very reasonable. The decor at Sliders is very cool, equipped with TV’s all around, they boast an awesome bar, and bubbly waitresses who aim to please.

Sliders Bar and Grill

378 George Street

New Brunswick, NJ 08901

My Cuban Rose in Kenilworth

We started with a couple of empanadas and then what was delivered to me was the most massive, gigantic piece of breaded chicken I’ve ever seen in my life. I originally wanted a pork dish but they were out of the breaded pork entree so I played it safe. The chicken was brought to the table and my girlfriend noticed that it looked like the shape of the United States. At first I wasn’t sold, but when you really look at it, it does bare a resemblance, although conspicuous by its absence is Texas. The chicken was crispy, delicious, and very thin. On the side they give the option of black beans and rice, but I recommend the option of the black beans and rice mixed together. I wound up taking much of the dinner home because there was so much food. I think I got another 2 meals out of the leftovers! There’s a laid back atmosphere at My Cuban Rose, although the waitresses seemed like they were too busy to pay proper attention to each table. I also had a hard time understanding our waitress since she had a very thick accent. My Cuban Rose also offers catering, takeout, and hand rolled cigars.

My Cuban Rose

625 North Michigan Avenue

Kenilworth, NJ 07033

Thai Thai Cuisine in Edison

Thai Thai Cuisine’s service was top notch and the food was right on par with the best Thai food that I’ve had. My girlfriend and I started off with an awesome appetizer of Chicken Satay with peanut sauce. For our meals we ordered the Pad Thai, and I requested mine HOT. It was an exceptional meal and did indeed provide a good amount of heat, but of course I had a gripe. All of the shrimp pieces still had their tails, and that pissed me off because if the tails were removed I could’ve scarfed down the whole meal without having to pinch out the shrimp meat. I like when that stuff is taken care of by the restaurant before I dig in. It was a minor annoyance but it grew worse when I realized that I ate a piece of shrimp with its tail and I didn’t care much for that at all. Overall, Thai Thai Cuisine is a definite winner if you’re fan of Thai food. You can also visit their other location in Old Bridge.

Thai Thai Cuisine

Shop Rite Strip Mall

Route 1 and Old Post Road

Edison, NJ 08817

Toxic Avenger vs. Jason Voorhees by deadhunterkd

Posted on February 18, 2010 by sexyarmpit

new jersey,tocie,toxic avenger,jason,jason voorhees,friday the 13th

Toxie vs. Jason by deadhunterkd on Deviant Art

Horror buffs pined to see Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash in a Triple Threat Match. Eventually they got their chance in comic book form, but even as a huge horror fan I was never too interested in seeing Ash take on Freddy and Jason. I was actually left quite satisfied with the 2003 film, Freddy vs. Jason. It never seems to get much credit, but it stands up nicely with the rest of the respective films in each series. That was a feat considering it was made basically 10 years after the final films in the Freddy and Jason series (except Jason X).

After Freddy vs. Jason, there isn’t much more ground to cover. As the character of Freddy trades down to being inhabited by a new actor in the upcoming reboot of Nightmare on Elm Street, Jason is left scratching his hockey mask with his machete. Who better to face off with Camp Crystal Lake’s Jason Voorhees than New Jersey’s own superhero, The Toxic Avenger? As previously detailed at The Sexy Armpit here and here, the Friday the 13th series has several ties to the Garden State, so this sounds like a dream match to me! Of course, when you bring Lloyd Kaufman’s Toxie into the equation, there’s bound to be comedy involved, which works perfectly because Jason is usually the straight man. Imagine the possibilities? We may have the first Abbott and Costello of the horror genre on our hands.

Notice how Toxie sort of looks like Jason without his mask on? At the very least, I’d love to see this play out in a late night HBO animated movie or an online comic book mini series. Who do you think would win this freakish face off?