Novelty Nosh: Ninja New York Japanese Restaurant

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If being served sushi by a waiter dressed as a Ninja is on your list of things to do before you die, then you need to visit Ninja New York. No, Ninja New York is NOT a ninjutsu academy that trains you to be part of the Foot Clan, but it IS a Japanese restaurant in downtown Manhattan. It’s unique atmosphere makes you feel like you’re walking through dark, ninja infested alleyways in Japan. Keep your eyes peeled and always look over your shoulder because you never know when a stealth Ninja will sneak up on you.

Japanese music, dim lighting, and cavernous walls help create the ambiance. Upon entering the restaurant you’re welcomed into a descending elevator with gradually dimming lights. After a ninja surprise, you must choose whether to take the normal path or the shortcut. From there, each group or couple is seated at a table in their own little cove where they are greeted by a Ninja waiter who tends to your every whim. Be careful though, because those whims are pretty damn expensive! The prices are fairly steep but you’ll most likely be going for the experience rather than the food. Do you go to Medieval Times for the food? Hell no! You go to root on your knight, get your hands greasy, and drink some beer.

Even though from a culinary aspect, the food is masterfully prepared, beautifully presented, and very flavorful, I still left unimpressed with the cuisine considering the prices. If you choose to order one of their multi-course, price fixed meals, then you could be spending anywhere from $50 – $200. Compared to some other ritzy places in Manhattan, that’s actually getting off cheap. Ordering one of the price fixed meals will provoke a ninja to come to your table and do some sort of trick. We had one ninja create a spark that lit one of our friend’s dinner on fire. In fear of having my face burned off, I opted for a few selections from the ala carte menu.

Here’s what I ordered:

The Spicy Tuna Roll consisted of “tuna and tobiko mixed in a spicy sauce and cucumber rolled in rice cubes.” The rolls were not traditional spicy tuna rolls, which disappointed me. Certain foods can be “reimagined” or modified, but please don’t f–k with spicy tuna rolls. If they look and taste different, give them a new name! I give the chefs credit for creativity but, unlike Barack Obama, spicy tuna rolls are not ready for change. Don’t mess with a successful formula. Your local sushi place most likely has better tasting, less fancy, and surely less expensive sushi. That’s the way to go if you’re just out to grab sushi.

The Creamy Shrimp is a “Chinese style battered fried shrimp mixed with a creamy mayonnaise sauce combined with condensed milk and dry gin, sprinkled with cashew nuts and coriander leaves.” The sauce that the shrimp was drenched in was delicious, but the texture of the shrimp was kind of creepy. It seemed as if the shrimp was only halfway cooked, so it had a very soft, mushy texture. This entree would’ve been perfect if the shrimp was more firm.

Choco Wasabi Salmon was “grilled salmon served with wasabi honey sauce decorated with basils.” Just like my shrimp, I enjoy my salmon to have some firmness. In firmness levels, the salmon was like a bean bag chair when it should’ve been a Tempur-Pedic mattress. This salmon could’ve taken some lessons from a Tuna Steak. MAN UP YOU STUPID LIMP SALMON! The sauce that it was bathing in had a very deep flavor but was overpowered by struggling sweet and salty flavors. There wasn’t much trace of the wasabi flavor either.

Ninja New York is an excellent novelty restaurant, and perfect for a night out with a group of friends. It offers a superior atmosphere and great service. Pay a visit for the experience rather than it’s Japanese fare. I would’ve enjoyed my selections more if they weren’t as fancy schmancy. I could also do without the cameo from the magician before dessert. I despise that almost as much as having a girl come over to my table to make balloon animals.

ninjanewyork.com
25 Hudson Street
New York, NY 10013

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.12: The Karate Kid is “Goin’ Back to Jersey…to Jersey”

In 1989, The Karate Kid starred in his own short lived animated series. In the 2nd episode, Homecoming, Danielson heads back to his home state of New Jersey to search for a mystical shrine. Sadly, there’s no sign of Johnny Lawrence aka the legendary William Zabka. Although all isn’t lost, since much of the episode’s action takes place at an amusement park. As far as I know there are no amusement parks in Newark, so who knows? Maybe they were at Six Flags Great Adventure?

It was announced last week that a new Karate Kid film may go into production starring Will Smith’s son Jaden.

Finding this video on Hulu was a big score. If you haven’t visited Hulu then get on it! I signed up when it was in beta and it was well worth it. Hulu is my first stop for SNL sketches, full length movies, and TV episodes. It gets me caught up on shows and some ’80s classics during my lunch hour at work.

http://www.hulu.com/embed/MI-D0wH3ZP6DF-_H7YrcGQ

Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree is from New Jersey!

This year’s 8-ton Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree is from Hamilton, New Jersey! Jeez,the tree is going up already? Seriously? I’m still reeling from Halloween! How The Grinch Stole Christmas and The Wizard of Oz aired on TBS last night. I’m not prepared. I guess it’s time to kick my Christmas spirit into gear.

“Name The Sexy Armpit Girl” Contest Winner!

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A big THANK YOU to everyone who entered the contest and came up with such great names! I was excited to see how many responses I received. it was difficult, but after a painstaking elimination process I’ve chosen a winner! Even though I’ve chosen a name, (thanks Corinne!) I will be keeping the names on hand for possible use in other aspects of the site. I’ll announce the name of The Sexy Armpit girl in an upcoming post!

I find it funny that the He-Man T-Shirt contest hasn’t been anywhere near as successful as the Monstrous Halloween Prize pack giveaway was. It just goes to show, people would rather wear a shirt with an image of an unnamed hot chick leaning on a slimy N.J Turnpike sign than a Battle Armor He-Man Ringer T-Shirt. I suppose the action figure it’s inspired by has a real niche fan base. What am I saying? I nearly exploded with amazement when I saw that such an awesome shirt existed! That contest will be over at the end of the month if you’d still like to enter.

I can’t say I have any parting gifts to be announced by Johnny Gilbert or anything, but all of the names and ideas were very creative and made me laugh. If I had enough resources (money) you’d all get prize packs and then I can also save my house from being foreclosed on and having Troy’s father build a golf course over it. Trash the Goondocks.

Here’s some of the best entries:

Pitricia submitted by Richard

Obnoxia Grimm or get different chicks and number them after their TPK exits – submitted by Sal

Pike-slut Penny, The Jersey Swirl, Waxed Winona, Road Rash Roxy, Barbie Beefeater, Sin Sational, Janet “Slow Hand ” Jones, Siena Swallows, Sexy’s Squeeze, Connie Lingus, TeaBag Terry, Lolly Gagger – submitted by John from N.J

Felony Turnpike, Camden Bristol, or just…Jersey – submitted by Joe Sherlock aka Dr. Squid http://www.drsquid.net/ http://fandcproductions.blogspot.com/

Josey T. Urnpike submitted by Ace Johnson

There were several more but these were some of the most memorable. Based on creativity, number of ideas, and sheer determination of the contestant, the Monstrous Prize Pack goes to…

John from N.J! Congratulations! Thanks for being a part of The Sexy Armpit!

The Sexy Armpit Turns 4!

At the 11th hour, on the 11th day of the 11th month (there’s that number again!) World War 1 came to an end. 11/11 is now celebrated as Veterans Day, and in a completely unrelated coincidence…The Sexy Armpit’s birthday! Woooo-hoooo! The Big 0-4! I’ve taken the liberty to have Chef Allen of the Royal Palace whip up a special treat for all of us to enjoy. I figured it would help us celebrate such a momentous occasion!  

Jay: Yo, Chef Allen! Why don’t you have your guys roll that big mofo out here…

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King Randor: Um, Jay?
Jay: Yes, King Randor?
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King Randor: Don’t you think this ridiculously sized cake is a little much for only a 4 year anniversary?
Jay: Awww yeah! That’s the way we do it sucka! Hey Adora…are you impressed by it’s size? They say the size of a man’s cake is an indication of…
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Jay: WTF? 
(all of a sudden there’s a blinding flash of light and a cool beaming sound effect)
Holy Shit! What the hell was that? Damn, I was just trying to enjoy The Sexy Armpit’s 4-year anniversary and you had to make it an exploding cake didn’t you Chef Allen? You mutha-
 

Jay: DID SKELETOR AND HORDAK JUST JUMP OUT OF MY CAKE? Oh man, I can’t think of a better present, thank you all so much! They were my favorites growing up. Hey guys…when’s your little strip dance? You are here for that aren’t you? That’s usually what happens when people pop out of a cake, especially gigantic pink frilly ones! Now I think you’re obligated, you owe it to these fine people. You can’t let them down now! At least Kobra Khan cause he’s probably got some trouser snake…umm, OK…I guess I’ll shut up now…

…gulp…
Hey Hordak, I bet you’re going to spray confetti or party streamers out of that thing right? Maybe bubbles or something to that effect? That’s such a nice gesture, you fellas are tops!
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Upstate Farms Intense Mint Chip and Orange Scream Milk

I don’t scream for ice cream, I sort of give a half-assed whimper. Considering all the junk food and candy that I talk about here at the Armpit, I’m actually not a big fan dessert or candy. If I have to choose a dessert, I enjoy simple stuff like milk and cookies. Not surprisingly, chocolate chip cookies are one of my favorites, and if they’re homemade I like them even more. But when you’re dealing with a strange guy like me, it can never be that easy. Milk and cookies aren’t much work to whip up, but not in my case. I like my chocolate chip cookies homemade, and WITHOUT the chocolate chips! To me they just interfere with my favorite part of the cookie.

Amongst my profusion of hangups, quirks, and pet peeves, I also loathe the chips of chocolate in Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream. The funny part is, I’m not a chocolate hater, it’s just that the chips ultimately get in the way of my enjoyment of the dessert. The chips in mint chocolate chip ice cream always get stuck in my teeth and it’s super annoying. I’d like to enjoy the chocolate but I can’t because it makes a pit stop in my molars and doesn’t come out until I brush my teeth. If I could just get the pastel green mint ice cream sans the chocolate chips, I’d be a pig in shit. The only way I could take it to the next level is if I had mint (remember: no chocolate chips) in “soft ice cream” form rather than “hard.” 
When I was a kid I remember telling my sister that I liked letting my ice cream turn into “soup.” Once my ice cream liquefied I would just drink it right out of the bowl. Drinkable ice cream was my favorite, and still is. I even like to let my ICEE’s and Slurpee’s melt so I could get the prime flavor of the syrup without the minuscule ice pellets getting in the way and freezing my brain. To sum up what you’ve just read: I like my Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream melted and without chocolate chips in it.

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On my weekly trip to Wegman’s, I was waiting in line to check out but got distracted by a plastic bottle of green liquid in a refrigerated section near the exit. Wegman’s has an extra dairy section at the front of the store for convenience, in case you don’t feel like running all the way to the back of the store just to grab a gallon of milk. I grabbed the “Intense” Mint Chip flavor by Upstate Farms immediately as if I was the only person who knew this treasure was on the shelf! 

Aside from name dropping their own brand name about 62 times, (Intense!) the label on the back of the bottle describes the drink as “…a creamy and indulgent drink…” Then the label goes on to say “This is the drink of choice for the mint chip ice cream lover on the go.” It’s fairly awesome that they’re actually marketing a drink to a group of people known as “mint chip ice cream lovers.” I never realized I was part of that demographic, but I like it! The Intense Mint Chip contains the typical benefits of milk such as vitamins and protein, but unfortunately has 35 MG’s of cholesterol in case you’d rather not have a heart attack.

Intense Mint Chip is the type of drink you want to sip on a crisp moonlit night while you’re rolling down the highway as the street lights are streaking past you like your in light speed and the stereo is blasting Laura Branigan’s “Self Control.” It doesn’t matter that you’re sipping milk…you still feel really cool. Trust me.

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Considering how exalted the Mint Chip flavor is, the Orange Scream can’t come close to its greatness. Think of the Intense Orange Scream as the sub par sequel, or the redheaded stepchild of the Intense milk family. Upstate Farms falls short with their Orange Scream, which is yet another failed attempt at creating the classic orange cream flavor. (Sunkist also failed recently with their miserable orange cream float.) One of the major strikes against Orange Scream is that it substitutes what’s supposed to be a nondescript “cream” flavor for a strong vanilla flavor. The cream shouldn’t necessarily be defined as “vanilla” because then it has the chance to overpower the orange flavor. The vanilla flavor may be forgiven if it isn’t a true “vanilla bean” flavor since a regular “no frills” vanilla would work better. There’s an exact balance of orange and cream flavor that needs to be perfected to achieve orange cream paradise. On a positive note, unlike the mint chip, the orange scream is creamy yet still low fat. Its label is pretty exciting or should I say…INTENSE! Even though I didn’t enjoy their Orange Scream formula, I have to hand it to Upstate Farms just for their sheer variety of offerings such as Chocolate, Strawberry, Vanilla, Cookies and Cream, and Mocha Java. Now all us Star Wars fans need is an “Intense Blue: A New Hope Special Edition Milk.” I hear it’s going to be high in midichlorians. Come on, where’s the freakin marketing people now? Can I get some kickbacks for that?

Jersey City Councilman Urinates on Audience at Grateful Dead Concert

A drunken Jersey City Councilman Steve Lipski urinated on the audience from the balcony at a Grateful Dead concert in Washington D.C on November 7th. Lipski says he’s going to stop drinking and that he considers what he did “deeply humiliating, very embarrassing” and “troubling.” Click the link above for the amusing story, one that we can add to all the other factual yet defamatory stories involving dumbass politicians from New Jersey.