NJ’s Kal Penn Becomes White House Liaison

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After marrying, having sex with, and committing domestic abuse against a gigantic bag of weed as Kumar in Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, actor Kal Penn has become the Associate Director of The White House’s office of Public Liaison. This piece of news gives hope to the millions and MILLIONS of New Jersey stoners out there who are just begging and toiling to acccomplish something this prestigious. It’s clear that one of the reasons the White House wanted Penn is due to his superior work ethic. In addition to his role in the Harold and Kumar series, Penn has also starred as Taj in the Van Wilder series, Superman Returns, and a stint on the TV series 24.

According to Wikipedia:
Penn was born in Montclair and attended Marlboro Middle School and Howell High school in New Jersey. His character on the Princeton, NJ-based show House, Dr. Lawrence Kutner, was recently killed off in order for Penn to begin his work for the White House.

Penn is surely making The Sexy Armpit proud, but I’ll always remember him this way:

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New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.19: Superman Endorsed Palisade’s Park, NJ!

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Until a recent Youtube search, I had no idea that Superman was depicted in ads for NJ’s illustrious Palisades Park. Here’s the original Palisades Park jingle from the ’60s thanks to user Wireman525, who features it on his channel.

Superman is no stranger to amusement parks and he clearly looks happy inviting us to “be his guest” at Palisades Park. For many years Palisades Park actually did reign as one of “America’s Greatest Amusement Parks” like the ad states. Since it closed in 1971, parks that house pulse pounding thrill rides have rendered all other theme parks extinct like dinosaurs. If you’re like me and frequent the Six Flags brand of theme parks, then you’re familiar with the various roller coasters based on good ol’ Supes. Here’s the rundown courtesy of SupermanHomepage.com:
Superman: Ride of Steel (S.F New England & S.F Darien Lake, S.F America, S.F Spain)
Superman: Escape (S.F Magic Mountain, & WB. Movie World, Australia)
Superman: Ultimate Flight (SF Great Adventure NJ, S.F Over Georgia, S.F Great America) Superman: Krypton Coaster (SF Fiesta Texas)
Superman: Tower of Power (S.F Dallas/Ft. Worth & S.F St. Louis)
Superman: The Ultimate Escape (S.F Mexico)
By today’s standards, the Palisades jingle probably seems cheesy to many people, especially those who grew up hearing the inordinately obnoxious “Sunday, Sunday, Sunday” Monster Truck spots. Those commercials pretty much obliterated the chance of any other commercials/jingles grabbing our attention ever again (unless it’s the annoying “gimme back that filet-o-fish” song.) In case you couldn’t make them out, here’s the lyrics to the Palisades Park jingle courtesy of PalisadesPark.com:
Palisades has the rides, Palisades has the fun
Come On Over
Shows and dancing are free, so’s the parking, so gee
Come On Over
Palisades from coast to coast, where a dime buys the most
Palisades Amusement Park, Swings all day and after dark
Ride the coaster, Get cool, In the waves in the pool
You’ll have fun, so..
Come On Over
Surprisingly, this isn’t the only time a DCU character has talked about Palisades Park. Click here to read NJ’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.7, which features Jonathan Osterman’s (Dr. Manhattan) trip to the amusement park from the pages of Watchmen!
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Doritos: Late Night – For Those With The Munchies

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Blissful moments are rarities in life depending on how you look at things. To some, a blissful moment might be watching their child blow a dandelion into the wind or taking a deep breath of fresh air on a sunny day while walking around the park. For the inner couch potato such as myself, that same wonderful feeling is captured when a crunchy, seasoned, triangle of corn gets placed on my tongue like communion. This triangle of corn I speak of is more commonly referred to as the Dorito. It’s pungent odor infiltrates my nostrils and it’s taste ignites my senses. No, you’re not reading a Dorito advertisement, but this is one of life’s grand moments and it should be described with proper sentiments. Hell, I don’t mind telling the world how much I love eating Doritos and they aren’t even paying me! But what I’d rather discuss is the lack of advertising for these 2 new additions to the Dorito lineup.

I found 2 flavors from the new Doritos line, “Late Night,” at the local Target store in NJ. When I saw them on the shelf, as always, my heart skipped a beat. It was as if I was running through a meadow and the bags had arms and legs and were valiantly dashing toward me. I didn’t just see 2 bags of Doritos, no way, we found each other and we didn’t even need Plenty of Fish. I gently placed the bags into the top of my shopping cart as if they were sexy twin Playboy playmates. I’m not gonna lie, I may have caressed the bags at one point or another throughout my 3-hour Target tour. I don’t want to hear about how weird you think it is…not even for a second! You would need some attention also if you had to wait for me to wander into the toy section, the DVD aisle, and try on all the lame hats.

In an attempt to grab the attention of late night munchie maniacs, the lettering on these bags glow in neon lights. It was difficult, but I was fairly positive that I was staring at a bag of chips, not at a drive-thru like Taco Bell. Close but no Chalupa said the chiuaua. Are you one of those people who get excited at knowing Taco Bell and White Castle are open late so you can soak up all the alcohol you just downed? Then these tortilla chips may just be perfect for you.

Tacos at Midnight: I’d say the flavor accuracy is dead on in these chips. Heavily dusted, they truly give off an immediate taste of eating classic crunchy tacos. It brought me back to when I was a kid and we had taco night at my house. It was fun because my mom would set out bowls of toppings and we’d jam pack the crunchy shells. As soon as we took the first bite everything would fall out. From that moment it was only soft tacos for me. I give Doritos credit for engineering a truly genuine taco flavor, I can’t say I really enjoy them though. They didn’t taste zesty at all and lacked the punch I was hoping for. I can only consider these to be a mediocre addition to the Dorito line.

Last Call Jalapeno Popper: All I have to say is thank the LORD that these weren’t called “Last Call with Carson Daly Poppers.” That would be theeeee worst TV show tie-in in the history of the world. What the f–k kind of flavor would they give Carson Daly? Probably “ass” flavored Doritos, but if we’re lucky it would be NyQuil flavored so we’d fall asleep soundly before his show even went on! Jalapeno Poppers as an appetizer always sound great in theory, but after you have a bunch of them, you realize they weren’t such a good idea. I can handle hot food, especially Jalapenos, but there’s something about mixing them with various rich cheeses that gets me queasy after forcing down Jalapeno Popper #11. I try to stick to small doses of J.P’s, but when it comes to Doritos, as I’ve stated numerous times, I can typically eat a half bag of Doritos without even thinking. That didn’t bode so well considering that after eating a bunch of these I was left feeling really gross. With Nacho Cheese Doritos I always finish feeling like I could easily annihilate 16 more bags. If your eating something called “Last Call Jalapeno Poppers,” it’s probably because there were 3 or 4 poppers left on a baking sheet that fell on the floor in the kitchen of Bennigan’s and they figured it would be a nice gesture to bring out some FREE SNACKS! Obviously people drink more when they’ve just eaten a bunch of hot, salty balls. More beer please! Unfortunately, I can only rate the Last Call Jalapeno Popper a half a step above the Tacos at Midnight variation.

I don’t see a proclamation on their bags stating these new Doritos are for a “limited time only,” or a “special edition.” That’s usually just another way of stating, “this is just a test.” Even though they aren’t anywhere near as good as Doritos Collisions, why not exploit these bad boys?

www.SexyArmpit.com

MEME: 6 Random Things

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The Rules:

1) Link to the person who tagged you.
2) Post the rules on your blog.
3) Write six random things about yourself.
4) Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
5) Let each of the six persons know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
6) Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

I was tagged by Chris at When is Evil Cool?, an awesome pop culture blog that I’ve been reading for a few months now! Check it out! Thanks for tagging The Sexy Armpit Chris!

Pets

The only pets I’ve ever owned were a bird and fish. I would love to own a dog or cat but ultimately something always hinders me. Could it be because the bird and the fish died? It feels like a pet wasn’t meant for me even though I’d love some cuddly Gizmo type creature to hang out with when I get home from work. I’ve been looking into adopting a genetically engineered purple lynx named Bubastis. Hopefully Craigslist will have one…

Traveling

I’d like to do all of my traveling within the U.S via a Winnebago a la Lone Star. Many people I talk to put so much emphasis on visiting other countries, and I can understand why. There’s an abundance of beautiful places and cultures to discover around the world, but we in the U.S forget about our own 50 states. I love California, especially San Diego and Los Angeles. I would own property there if I had $$$. I’m thinking of borrowing Lone Star’s Winnebago and enlisting Barf to pilot the thing. Once we get some Jovi cranking, I’ll grab a few of my friends and make our way around the country. If Lone Star won’t give up his ride, then I’ll hit up David and see if he’ll let me borrow his alien ship Max from Flight of the Navigator. At the end of our country wide tour we’ll make our way home, which for my entire life has been right here in The Sexy Armpit aka New Jersey.

Childhood

My favorite period of my life is early childhood. No surprise there, right? I’d say from age 3 through 9 were my all time best years of my life. When gauged, my friends and co-workers frequently tell me that middle school, high school, and college are their favorite eras of their lives. The amount of great memories I have from childhood are innumerable. It’s not just hindsight, but I truly feel that it was just about as perfect as it could have been. I was able to enjoy everything from Three’s Company to the A-Team, He-Man and Thundercats, Back to the Future, The Goonies, Ghostbusters and the resurgence of Batman. The toys I got to play with will never be beaten. I was always using my imagination and people actually encouraged me to do so. I was on the cusp of the computer generation. I became familiar with computers from a class at school but my family didn’t own a PC until the mid ’90s. I was fortunate enough to have a mixture of influences from the late ’70s and the early ’80s.

Tattoos/Piercings

I have 3 tattoos and if they weren’t so damn expensive I’d have at least 3 more. Presently, a lightning bolt resides on my left shoulder, there’s a burst of flames shooting up from my lower abdomen, and I have a star with green fire on my right bicep. Both of my ears are pierced – my left ear has 2. There was no rhyme or reason to that, I just gave up on piercing after a while. I’d love to have my lower lip pierced on one side, (not in the center) I think it looks cool but my boss at work nixed the idea. In today’s world it doesn’t seem like a big deal considering all the different wacky things people are doing, but it’s a corporate environment so there’s supposed to be some sort of decorum. Boooo!

Fitness

I’ve been working out since I was 13 but I despise every second of it. I’m not one of those people who is all smiles after a workout. Sure, the endorphin rush makes me feel good, but who in their right mind wants to work out? Isn’t it so much more fun to vegetate, eat some snacks on the couch, and watch TV after a grueling day at work? I have to literally drag myself to the gym after work and it’s only a short trip down the street from my place! I actually do enjoy running and riding my bike, but only if it’s not cold outside. I’ve become quite the pussy over the years. Oh yeah…and I still watch cartoons and wrestling so SUCK IT!





Rock Band

I don’t ski, snowboard, rollerblade, or take part in rugby, but I do enjoy playing Guitar Hero and Rock Band. My Rock Band 2 band name is The Big Titheads. I played for 3 hours straight the other night. I’ve got some pretty rad hair and a ridiculously slim waistline. It looks totally unhealthy come to think of it. I’m really into the hot female drummer I’ve enlisted. She’s got blonde hair with pink highlights and long pigtails. I don’t find it strange at all that I’m attracted to a girl made of pixels, they make those chicks hot on purpose! One of my favorite songs to play is “Pump it Up” by Elvis Costello, among others. I’ve also come to realize that my pinkies are completely useless.

You’re tagged!

Jason at Sonic Dork

Chunky B from Eclectorama

Reis from Geek Orthodox 
www.SexyArmpit.com

Blondie’s “Union City Blue” Video

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The video for Blondie’s “Union City Blue,” released in 1979, was filmed right on the docks in Union City, NJ. The track was featured in Oliver Stone’s 1981 horror film The Hand and it’s also been covered by Radiohead and The Black Kids w/ Cut Copy. Blondie frontwoman Debbie Harry grew up in Hawthorne, NJ and was once a dancer in Union City. If you’ve never visited New Jersey, this video provides you with some magnificent scenic visuals. Note to self: that didn’t sound anywhere near as dryly sarcastic as intended. Also of note, Union City is the site of The Park Theater where a few of New Jersey’s most prominent pop culture moments have taken place, namely the recording of George Carlin’s “What Am I Doing in New Jersey?”

www.SexyArmpit.com

Cinderella’s Golden Carrousel from Maplewood, NJ

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You don’t need EZ-Pass to go on this ride, and probably not even a Fast-Pass. The handmade golden carrousel actually spent close to 40 years in New Jersey before becoming dedicated to Cinderella as part of the Magic Kingdom theme park in Florida’s Walt Disney World. **The above excerpt was scanned from The Walt Disney World Trivia Book Vol.1: Secrets, History, & Fun Facts Behind the Magic by Louis A. Mongello.

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The Dirty Pearls Reign Over NYC’s Rock Scene

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Bret Michael’s Rock of Love Bus Tour truly made a “‘pit stop” as they pulled into Montclair NJ’s Wellmont Theatre on 3-22-09. Kicking off the show was New York City’s own The Dirty Pearls, who I was lucky enough to see open for Twisted Sister back in December. The Pearls’ “dirty” yet gleaming aura recalled bands from an earlier, more carefree era of rock. Although electric and unruly, The Dirty Pearls aren’t flamboyant like early Poison, but just as raucous. With Bret Michaels more concerned about his expensive European wigs, and reality shows geared toward middle aged women, The Dirty Pearls have swooped in to fill the gaping void of loud, rambunctious, party band.

Rock bands who have grabbed the opening slot on a tour are frequently more entertaining than the band you’re actually there to see. It’s a challenge to even catch a new band live unless they’re opening for an established act who phones in their performance every night. Just based on sheer desire and enthusiasm, the fairly unknown opening band is more apt to blow you straight through the back wall of venue. That said, The Dirty Pearls have been added to my list of “must see” bands, the ones who let their appetite for stardom erupt onstage.

The touring scheme has changed drastically. Not only are many tours evolving into mini festivals to boost ticket sales, but there just seems to be a total lack of bands that make you KILL to be at their concerts. There are several reasons for this epidemic. First, the headlining bands tend to lose their “eye of the tiger,” while the middle card bands’ ego inflates because they aren’t in the bottom slot anymore. It’s a lot like high school. This “rockarchy” seems solidified for good unless more bands like The Dirty Pearls stand up and usurp the rock reigns.

The Dirty Pearls merit sole billing. Out of what seems like millions of concerts I’ve been to, The Pearls deliver that one-two punch of old school rock and roll that I crave. I’ve always likened a rock show to a quickie. Wham-bam thank you ma’am. Rock bands should tear shit up, rock the f–k out, and disappear to the next town. Rock music should arouse feelings and by observing The Pearls performance, it’s clear they’re prime objective is satisfying the crowd. Here you can watch them perform “Sucker for a Sequel”

The Dirty Pearls have joined a new corps of bands who know what rock is all about. Instead of Hinder, Nickelback, or Theory of a Deadman, my dream festival would include bands like Endeverafter, The Binges, the Last Vegas, and of course The Dirty Pearls. These are not the types of bands who will spiral into their fat, bloated, Elvis stage where their minimal effort is flung like poo at your face in a 3-D imax movie. Of course, all that could change when they hit the big time and Paris Hilton totally uses The Dirty Pearls lead singer Tommy London to make a sex video just to keep herself relevant. During that time, drum annihilator Marty E. is in talks with Dreamworks to voice a character in their next installment of Monsters vs. Aliens. What happens to the music? Does it fall by the wayside? The bigger bands half ass it, and the hungry ones get the opening shaft, er…shift. Those are the scenarios that tend to worry me, but for some reason, newer bands like The Dirty Pearls are a smarter, bolder breed and I doubt they’d let such greatness slip away after all the hard work they’ve put in.

Drummer Marty E. introduces the band “Whether you like it or not… we are the Dirty Pearls from New York City!” They aren’t boasting like another sorta-famous band from NYC did. Even when they were rookies KISS first introduced themselves as “The hottest band in the world.” The Pearls aren’t making promises but they’re telling us they don’t give a crap and they’ll do whatever they want. From takeoff and throughout the entire set, The Dirty Pearls exemplified the classic rep of an up and coming New York City rock band with attitude.

The Dirty Pearls realize that grunge ended 10 years ago and now it’s time bring rock and roll back to it’s prominence. It’s about hard rocking music, big personalites, and hairstyles, all of which are reasons to see them play live. With his eyes cloaked with aviators, frontman Tommy London worked the crowd (and the ladies) like a rock version of Dean Martin, or even Dirk Diggler. Marty E.’s spun and/or chomped on his sticks like Animal from the Muppets. Doug plucked away on bass, while afroed guitarists Johnny and Richie stood at each side of the stage rocking out like two of those adorable troll dolls. If you’re unsure about seeing them live, you don’t have to worry, The Dirty Pearls are not somber or reflective, they don’t feel the need to enact bondage scenes on stage, and they’re definitely not storming off the stage in a giant temper tantrum.

As for the tunes, The Dirty Pearls lyrics were like gunpowder as London shot them out. They play a blend of rock and punk while injecting beautiful melodic undertones. In other words, you’ll remember the songs, hum them later, all while pumping your fist in the air. Already proving to be one of my favorite songs ever is “You’re Not My Lady, But You Can Stay If You Want To.” It was so rock, yet so pop at the same time. If the song existed in the ’60s, I could almost hear a British invasion band singing it. If early Beatles were more amped up and a little more crude, that song has John Lennon all over it.

When reading the various reviews from music mags and websites, the amount of bands that the Pearls are compared to musically is infinite. I’d rather stay away from pigeonholing them. How cliché is it to state that a band sounds like “a sleazier version of AC/DC?” That would be a disservice. The influences are loud and clear and easily identified if you take a listen to the tunes posted on their Myspace page. There you can also purchase their first two demos. I will tell you that there’s definite hints of Ramones, NY Dolls, and Thin Lizzy among many others. Check out their tunes: www.myspace.com/thedirtypearls

Have you seen Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist? If I was traversing New York City all night long on a scavenger hunt to find a secret concert, I would certainly hope the band we’re going to see is the The Dirty Pearls. Right now they epitomize the New York rock music scene and all other NYC bands need to take a lesson from them.

You can catch The Dirty Pearls headlining The Bowery Ballroom in NYC on 4/25.

www.SexyArmpit.com