NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 61: Jersey Girl Cola

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jerseygirlcola
The Jersey Girl/Coca-Cola T-Shirt 
available at finer Shop-Rite stores in New Jersey

Is there someone out there who really always wanted a Jersey Girl t-shirt that parodied the Coca-Cola Classic logo? I’d sincerely love to know how many women across the country had this one at the top of their Christmas wish lists last year. Actually, I take that back because there are quite a few collectors of Coca-Cola paraphernalia who would probably hurl me out of the way to get to the rack of these babies. I would imagine that if you are a female obsessed with Coca-Cola, and hail from New Jersey, this mashed up tee is a divine offering.

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Get Tanked This Weekend…SHARK Tanked!

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Selected from the Drink Menu
If you’re in Atlantic City and you are looking for a place to eat but you aren’t interested in paying $50 dollars a plate, head over to The Reflections Cafe at Harrah’s. It’s a pretty swank moderately priced restaurant that also features a noodle bar that serves all kinds of Asian dishes. The decor amused me, especially the cool and furry cow skin chairs and booths tucked into coves with slate walls . Whoever decorated the place needs to come and redo my condo. Out of the several times I have eaten there, the food has been delicious. They also managed to supply me with an entry for Shark Month. The drink menu has the Shark Bite which you can try mixing up at home when you’re getting hammered this weekend. The drink provides a cool visual effect of “blood in the water” when you drop in the final ingredient.
Shark Bite
Captain Morgan 
Bacardi Rum
Blue Curacao
Sweet and Sour Mix
Small Splash of Grenadine
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Ad Jerseum 9: Coca Cola in Wildwood

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Ad Jerseum: So much Jersey advertising it’ll make you vomit!

During last year’s trip down to Wildwood, NJ, I snapped pics of Coca Cola ads specially made for Wildwood. All you need to do is walk up and down the boardwalk for merely a few seconds before you get the feeling that the Coca Cola company may actually own the entire city of Wildwood.

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Banner ads hung from every light pole, and every single soda machine and beverage freezer was plastered with Coca Cola ads. I haven’t been down there yet this year, but I’ll wager that they rolled out a whole new ad campaign. Last year’s ads had a cool retro sensibility that I think Coca Cola should use more often.
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This ad lacks the vintage look of the previous banner, but gains a girl in a bikini. If you look at her right boob, you’ll notice that the ad began peeling off. I found it on the side of a refrigerator in a convenience store on the boardwalk. Hopefully I’ll make it down to Wildwood this summer to see if all the ocean water was replaced with Coca Cola. 
*Not only does Coca Cola have several bottling facilities in the southern NJ area, but Maywood NJ is home to The Stepan Company which produces the non-narcotic cocoa leaf extract used in the soda.
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Bret Michaels’ Diet Snapple Seen on Celebrity Apprentice

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iced tea,bret michaels,trop-a-rocka

I opened up and said ahhh, and took my first sip of Snapple’s latest tea, Trop-A-Rocka, a Celebrity Apprentice tie-in. Donald Trump must have loved all the press Bret Michael’s recent health issues stirred up because it only meant a colossal rating for the season finale of his TV show. As the world now knows, even though he was always claiming to be “discombooberated” on the Apprentice, the Poison frontman overcame adversity and triumphed as the winner of The Celebrity Apprentice.

The final project on The Apprentice involved marketing a new Snapple Iced Tea geared toward the contestants prospective charity. Holly Robinson Peete’s (aka Officer Hoffs from 21 Jumpstreet) Compassion Berry Tea did not interest me in the least, while Bret’s Blend Diet Trop-A-Rocka sounded a little off the wall and right up The Sexy Armpit’s alley. My girlfriend had a hell of a time finding the tea driving all over creation, but my suggestion was to go to the local Shop-Rite, and wall-a, that is where she found it!

Bret noted that he wanted the tea to be refreshing and taste great even though it is Diet, and it definitely fits that description. I can’t say that I’ve had a Snapple variety that tastes anything like this. The tea is an oddball bunch of flavors and they are easily detectable. In fact, the fruits on the label aren’t even all the flavors that my taste buds were picking up. Pear is clearly the dominant flavor, while there actually is a nice amount of cinnamon, which sounds like it wouldn’t ever be an ingredient in a Snapple beverage unless it was something like Thanksgiving Apple Pie Spice, but it works well. Instead of the mango flavor that is advertised on the label, I got some mellow coconut and banana undertones instead.

Some internet sites have received feedback that the beverage has a peach cobbler taste, while others have ripped it claiming it tastes like medicine. For a diet drink that’s also a rare TV tie-in, you can’t get much better than this, especially for a possibly limited edition fruity summer tea. I would pick it up again because it’s not as sickeningly sweet as other Snapple flavors and The Donald’s mug is on the label so you can’t go wrong. Better track down a bottle for yourself if you want to try it because it’s going for $4.25 a bottle with $9.00 shipping on eBay right now!

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Jersey Girl Cocktail

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beverage,jersey girl,new jersey
from the menu of Windansea in Highlands, NJ

After having dinner at Windansea in Highlands, NJ recently, I noticed The Jersey Girl was the first specialty drink listed on the menu. If you’re feeling creative, here’s the ingredients to make your very own Jersey Girl drink. Keep in mind, this sounds super sweet so it will most likely cause hangovers galore.
Laird’s Applejack

Triple Sec

Pineapple Juice

Cranberry Juice

Lemon-Lime Soda
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Jersey’s Own Soda

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I read about Jersey’s Own Soda‘s in a magazine almost a year ago. Since then, my purpose in life has been to taste every flavor. Almost a year has passed and I totally forgot about trying to get a hold of a few bottles. They are only available in a short list of stores in Jersey, so not seeing them in a local 7-11, and not being bombarded with advertisements caused me to easily forget them.
Recently, I remembered to visit the company’s website so I placed an order. Of course, I had to order every flavor they had available. The flavor offering doesn’t consist of the typical fare like Cola, or Orange, nope, all the names are Jersey related. It’s a cool gimmick for myself, and the 16 other people who read this blog, dig obscure beverages, and actually revere this state for some reason. Unfortunately, I was disappointed because these are just bottles of soda with the Jersey’s Own sticker slapped onto them.
After ordering a complete set of flavors, I waited close to 2 months to receive the shipment. The owner explained that there was a glitch in their system or something along those lines. Whatever, it didn’t matter since I was really excited to sample some new sodas. I was under the impression that they might be something special or different than other brands on the shelves. I was definitely wrong, except for one of the flavors, which I’ll get to shortly.
My main gripe with Jersey’s Own Soda is that they are plain old run of the mill sodas. The latest trend in soft drinks is that healthier is in. Many of the companies are touting their use of cane sugar and other natural ingredients in their drinks because of how satanic high fructose corn syrup is. I hear it actually causes you to piss out of your nipples and poop out your nose. What are they thinking using high fructose corn syrup? Shit, they might as well be a frigging store brand like Dr. Thunder or Mountain Lightning.


Here’s a breakdown of the flavors, all imported from New Jersey, and infused with all natural toxins:
Passaic River Punch – the only flavor that impressed me. At first glance, you’ll notice why the name is humorous. Passaic River Punch is a murky green color, almost as if you were gulping down handfuls of water from the polluted river, which is home to many a mutated fish. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed this punch, because aside from the random trip to Taco Bell for a cool Baja Blast, I rarely drink soda. And that’s the nearest comparison I have for you. From what I gather, Baja Blast is made up of pineapple and lime flavors and that’s the only guess I have as to what this bold and refreshing mystery flavor consists of.
Route 46 Root Beer – One of the better tasting entries in the collection. This brew was bordering on being too sweet and had subtle hints of Vanilla, just like many of the great Root Beers out there, but I wanted it to be creamier.
Jersey Devil-Berry – The 2nd original flavor of the bunch pays tribute to the Jersey cryptid. I don’t understand why it’s blue though. I would have preferred a blood red soda to rep J.D, wouldn’t you think? Maybe it was cheaper to buy the banned blue food coloring? They should have just used a knock off of Mountain Dew Code Red or even a generic Fruit Punch Soda. Better yet, an angry, devilish soda that tastes like the Fireball candies. But nooooo, that would have been too perfect, right? If you’re thinking this tasted like Pepsi Blue, don’t, because it doesn’t taste anywhere near as good as that crap. Consider this a teeth rotting melange of Blueberry Windex and Raspberry Ajax.
Bada-Bing Black Cherry – A fun fact: In the Sopranos, none of the dancers at Bada Bing were cherries. Regardless, Bada-Bing Black Cherry works ridiculously better as a fun play on words or as the answer to a puzzle on Wheel of Fortune than it does a soda. Unlike hanging out for a night at Satin Dolls, this soda was just medicore.
South Orange – It seems like the soda namers at Jersey’s Own Beverages gave up on the naming process by this point. The home of Seton Hall University also serves as an appropriate name for Orange soda, except this one is the runt of the litter. Not sure if they were trying to go for a tangerine vibe or even a tangelo, I have no clue. The orange flavor was weak and so inaccurate. You are better off grabbing a can of Shop-Rite brand Orange soda.
Jersey’s Own Soda has the cliche phrase that is synonomous with Jersey, “How You Doin’,” printed on the label. I think it’s cool that we’re such a marketable state that we’ve got our very own soda, but for a higher quality soft drink experience, I recommend Boylan’s. They have the popular vote for being Jersey’s best soda, hands down. They’ve been doing it since 1891! Check them out at www.boylanbottling.com. Do yourself a favor and get your hands on a bottle of their renowned Creamy Red Birch Beer, it’s glorious.
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Yoo-hoo vs. Nesquik (Vote for Your Favorite at the End of the Post)

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What comes to mind when you hear the word Yoo-hoo? All I hear is Janosz Poha interrupting poor Oscar’s sleepy time when he dropped by Dana Barret’s apartment unexpectedly. “YOO-HOO!” What a jerkoff. Only if he came bearing gifts, such as a six pack of cold delicious Yoo-hoo in glass bottles then he’d be forgiven.

Recently a few coworkers and I got into a heated debate as to which chocolate beverage is better, Nesquik or Yoo-hoo. If you’re one of the folks out there who thinks “milk was a bad choice,” then you may not enjoy chocolate milk to begin with. In that case you may take a pro-Yoo-hoo stance since it’s not technically full fledged chocolate milk, but “drink.” During my days of lunchboxes and brown paper bagged lunches, a Yoo-hoo drink box was always there to bring my mouth some chocolatey happiness. The one characteristic of Yoo-hoo that I’ve always enjoyed over typical chocolate milk is that it never felt like it weighed me down, it wasn’t thick and creamy like drinking a can of paint. Yoo-hoo’s lighter consistency helped broaden its drinkability to more situations than your average chocolate milk.

Yoo-hoo’s origin goes way back to the 1920’s when Natale Olivieri and his family sold his Tru-Fruit beverages out of their grocery store in New Jersey. Soon, Olivieri came up with a method of making chocolate flavored drinks that never went bad thanks to a special bottling process that eliminated spoilage. So if you have old Yoo-hoo in your pantry, if it’s sealed it will never go bad! Boosting it’s stock even more, Yoo-hoo sticks to its Jersey roots as it operates a plant in Carlstadt, NJ.

Here’s one of my favorite Yoo-hoo commercials from the ’80s. It was pretty cheesy then, but now it’s classic.

As far as nutrition goes, Yoo-hoo offers more vitamins and minerals than Nesquik. In that contest, Yoo-hoo wins 7-5. Nesquik contains saturated fat and cholesterol while Yoohoo has ZERO in those categories. For the health conscious, Yoo-hoo is the better choice. Like Nesquik, Yoo-hoo offers a variety of flavors in addition to chocolate, but they are more of a challenge to find considering the hunt you need to embark on to find plain, original Yoo-hoo.

Baseball fans may jump on the Yoo-hoo bandwagon since legends Mickey Mantle and Yogi Berra have both hawked the drink. Simpsons loyalists know what Yoo-hoo is all about since Yoo-hoo promoted a sweepstakes in 2003 featuring The Simpsons, one of America’s longest running primetime shows.

For those who do consider artery clogging, mucilaginous milk to be refreshing, well there was always Nesquik or as I remember it…Quik. Can you even remember a time when Nestle wasn’t so egomaniacal that they didn’t feel the need to muscle their companies name into one of their products? It wasn’t until 1999 that Nestle Quik became Nesquik in the U.S and several other countries. Personally, I was fine with calling it Nestle’s Quik, I think it sounded better. Nesquik offers strawberry and vanilla varieties, and it’s still available in the classic powder mix.

Nowadays, Nesquik is widely associated with its yellow plastic bottles found in the refrigerated sections of 7-11’s and Quick Chek’s. Although, if you grew up in the ’70s or ’80s then you’re probably more familiar with mixing Quik powder into a glass of milk. Dane Cook’s bit about Nestle Quik’s “powdery magma” exploding in his face, and being all “hopped up on the Q” really sums up its appeal to children. My mom was always apprehensive to allow me to mix up some Quik, because something in her head told her it would be a disastrous event. She was usually right.

Points go to Nesquik for having a fairly cool bunny mascot. In a ridiculous move, the Quik bunny used to wear a “Q” on his shirt now wears an “N” to stand for Nesquik. The shit is still Quik!!! The f–king bunny needs a Q! The Nesquik Bunny also appears on the front of the Nesquik Cereal box which is something else Yoo-hoo doesn’t offer consumers. Nesquik cereal ain’t too shabby. Even if it’s similar to Cocoa Puffs, it’s got smaller balls, cocoa balls that is. Smaller balls aren’t the only indication that Nesquik cereal is basically a Cocoa Puffs knockoff, Sonny, the Cuckoo Bird is 50,000 times more insane that the non-threatening Quik Bunny. Talk about hopped up on the Q!

If you’re still undecided as to who should win this grudge match, take a further look at some Yoo-hoo and Nesquik related links:

OK so, I’ll admit that Yoo-hoo is lacking in the cool mascot department, especially one who happens to be really good at Atari and goes on adventures with Superman. Yoo-hoo has a lot of catching up to do in that category. May I suggest Dr. Janosz Poha?

Yoo-hoo’s official page

Creative Loafing’s blog The Daily Loaf has a fine post on how to make “The Hooville Martini,” a delicious sounding alcoholic concoction that incorporates Yoo-hoo.

Shawn Robare’s modern masterpiece at Branded in the ’80s: his discovery of what’s written on the underside of Yoo-hoo’s cardboard packing, its eventual conspiracy theory and the comic book it inspired.

Retro Planet’s Character of the week all about the Nestle Quik Bunny

5 Reasons Yoo-hoo Rocks My Socks, by Ken Tuccio

The Nesquik Bunny’s Bobblehead and plush doll

Nesquik’s official page

One of Quik’s best commercials, the bunny’s all strung out:


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Sucking Box: A Salute to Ssips!

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A recent visit to Beauty and the Robeast, one of my favorite blogs, brought to my attention that Ssips drink boxes feature philosophical quotes. I wonder if Ssips got some inspiration from the underside of Snapple caps? I have always found that an interactive, literary beverage is in fact a more refreshing one. What gives Ssips even more pizzazz, is the fact that they are made in New Jersey by Johanna Foods, Inc.! Throughout my youth, Ssips provided my mouth with many wet, fruity, and delicious adventures, and for that I want to repay them by dedicating a post to them here at The Sexy Armpit.
No matter if you brought a paper bag, or a Real Ghostbusters lunchbox, our school lunches back in the day had one common denominator: The drink box. For you sticklers out there, you know this isn’t totally true since the ritzier kids with major coin always had a shiny silver pouch of Capri Sun. But, whatever, fuck those pretentious bastards. Some kids’ parents went through the painstaking work of pouring an actual drink into a thermos! Now that was luxury! Still, even the most top of the line thermos lacked the ability to momentarily enchant your senses quite like Ssips did. The neat little artwork on your Darth Vader or Dukes of Hazzard thermos didn’t change from day to day, but the drink box DID!
In the ’80s, Ssips drink boxes were all white and featured an animated picture of its fruit flavored contents. The box was an indicator of the copious amount of fruit flavors that Ssips brought to the lunch table. You could suck down different flavors every day, or maybe if you felt more intellectual, an Iced Tea perhaps. It was like opening a pack of baseball cards and getting a card that you didn’t have. Whatever flavor you got, Ssips brought the party.
For the majority of us middle class suburban kids, lunch time was a guessing game. “What did my mom/dad put in my lunch today?” was a question we all asked at one time or another. The game grew dull rapidly, and at some point, we stopped paying attention and just mauled the sandwich, side dish (bag of chips), and dessert (Little Debbie snack cake) while fantasizing that we were really inhaling a big juicy burger or a nice big plate of Chicken Parm.
Now that I’m a big kid, the cliffhangers are gone. Leftovers in a Tupperware leave nothing to the imagination. The rather unexciting simplicity of finding a peanut butter and jelly sandwich wrapped in aluminum foil used to actually be a welcome surprise considering there were times when the contents of the foil yielded a slab of liverwurst in between 2 slices of bread. The real whammy came when you discovered what flavor Ssips was in store for you. 
We all had our little Ssips rituals, didn’t we? I remember some kids would finish their Ssips, then they’d take the box outside, blow into the straw until the box inflated and then throw it on the ground. Then with a powerful STOMP, the box would make a loud pop that would echo all over school property. Kids do some lame things for entertainment, don’t they? As for my Ssips technique, I’d rip the straw out from its confining cellophane, then unbend the flexible part, and proceed to stab the hole in the box with it. Most of the time it went in on the first try, but other times, it took some really furious pounding to get it in if you know what I mean. 
One of my favorite flavors was Grape which was so tangy that it burned my throat going down. It was like the young man’s Johnnie Walker Blue.
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