Why I Traded Transformers for Megan Fox

Jay Getting Optimus Prime
That’s me receiving Optimus Prime as a birthday gift

Through the years it was easy to get bogged down in the excessive amount of Transformers incarnations through the years. I have to give credit to the property though, it’s enjoyed a long evolution and hasn’t ever really gone away.

Transformers would not have enjoyed the same type of resurgence if the 2007 big screen adaptation was never released. I doubt there would be the same type of clamor for Transformers stuff if Michael Bay never got his filthy rich hands on them. But what has shocked me most about the franchise is how much of a difficult time I recently had getting into the original ’80s animated series. I noticed that Hub network has been airing reruns of the original Transfomers. Just for nostalgic purposes and for the fact that the 3rd Transformers film, Dark of the Moon, is being released, I set a couple of episodes on my DVR and tried watching them.

As much as I felt I would be in for some ’80s fun, sadly, the episodes were borderline boring and even a bit hard to understand. Although I’m a sucker for old cartoons, especially those I loved as a kid, going back and watching Transformers just didn’t hold my attention at all. Expecting a 25 year old cartoon to enthrall and entertain me seems totally unrealistic, but even the silliest episodes of He-Man and She-Ra still mesmerize me. It’s a shame too because I was a fan of Transformers as a kid, and so were most of my friends, since we were the Prime (pun intended) audience for it. I had my Transformers lunchbox and a bunch of the toys, but it was never a full on obsession for me.

Attempting to pretend like I was a transforming robot was awkward and not nearly as fun as holding aloft my magic sword and becoming the most powerful man in the universe. Now, I know that a lot of people will vehemently disagree with my sentiments, but I have my reasoning. Subconsciously perhaps, I made more of a connection with human or human-like characters. I always preferred GI Joe over Transformers and although I enjoyed Thundercats immensely too, He-Man and She-Ra always edged them out if I had to choose what show I liked better.

In my eyes, the best part of the original animated Transformers series is Megatron. he was the reason I watched the show. I always liked villains and I appreciated how he looked, sounded, and acted in the original series way better than how he is in these new films. That’s not to say I didn’t also love Optimus Prime. What boy in the ’80s didn’t think Optimus Prime was awesome? He’s the quintessential character of the franchise. Even in the new films he still kick ass. The hero has a modernized look but is thankfully still voiced by the iconic Peter Cullen. Anyone else would be 2nd rate.

Regardless of how the original series holds up, the film franchise and even the recent Transformers Prime are both well done and easy to get into especially if I was 7 years old right now. I have yet to watch Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen, so hopefully I’ll get to it before Dark of the Moon disappears from theaters, which will probably be in about 3 weeks. Then it’s straight to DVD and Bluray by the end of August. Maybe if Megan Fox played her cards right she’d be in Dark of the Moon and I’d make it more of a priority. Damn her and her Hitler comments. Funny how when I was a kid, I wanted Optimus Prime, and now I need Megan Fox to hold my attention.

Greatest Mask EVER…

Diabolical Disc Demon Mask

I was literally stunned to see this mask at a booth at the New York Comic Con this year. For those of you who are not familiar with who this mask is supposed to be, you need to take a trip back to your childhood! The slab of rubbery glory is a triumph for Scooby-Doo fans, well, for me at least. The mask is based off of The Diabolical Disc Demon, a villainous knockoff of Gene Simmons from one of my all time favorite episodes of Scooby Doo: Where Are You? that first aired in 1978. I’m pretty sure The Disc Demon could’ve gotten away with it if it wasn’t for those meddling stoners and their dog! Other classic Scooby villains are also available in case you for some reason haven’t figured out what to dress up as for Halloween.

Click below to read all about The Disc Demon episode and the appearance of KISS on Scooby-Doo in a classic Sexy Armpit post:

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 60: Bluto and Wimpy

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I grew up knowing him as Brutus, but he’s more commonly known as Bluto. No matter what he’s called I bet he’d fit in quite nicely with the sweaty, juiced up guidos down at the Jersey shore. In today’s first t-shirt, Bluto is pictured begging for you to hit him with your best shot, because he’s from New Jersey and obviously he loves pumping Pat Benatar’s Crimes of Passion CD while cruising up and down Ocean Avenue.

Wimpy is seen on the second tee defying all Popeye comic rules and regulations. Wimpy only eats hamburgers, not pork roll sandwiches! The front of the shirt claims that you can’t get REAL PORK ROLL anywhere else but New Jersey, and for some mysterious reason, that is true. Maybe if he was from Jersey he would be hooked on the previously posted Jersey Burger, that’s the best of both worlds. In the end, that cheapskate wouldn’t last a second in a Jersey diner because they wouldn’t stand for his wily hamburger scams.

For more of Popeye’s adventures in New Jersey check out Volume 45 of NJ T-Shirt Tuesday!

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 53: Aqua Teen Jersey Shore Shirt

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Aqua Teen’s “Greetings from The Jersey Shore” T-Shirt
It won’t be long before people everywhere want to literally vomit at the mere mention of the names Snooki, JWoww, and The Situation. With the 2nd season of MTV’s Jersey Shore creeping up on us, it won’t be long before your cable channels are infested by guidos again. Don’t worry though, when their 15 minutes is up, you can always fall back on the original crew to hang out down at The Jersey Shore, The Aqua Teen Hunger Force. The cult Adult Swim series is still going strong, in fact, just last week Aqua Teen Hunger Force Volume 7 was released on DVD. Personally, I’d rather listen to a talking ball of meat than JWoww.

http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=thesexarm-20&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=B00330WP6Q&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=000000&bg1=FFFFFF&f=ifr

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 45: Popeye at The Jersey Shore

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Popeye Jersey Shore T-Shirt available at 80’s Tees.com

When mashing up MTV’s Jersey Shore with a cartoon property, Popeye is not the first to pop in my head. But, this T-Shirt mash up actually brings an amusing idea to the table. Could this be a novel way to breathe new life into Popeye for a whole new generation of young viewers? A guido version of Popeye could definitely be funny and it’s not improbable to think that Adult Swim, Comedy Central, or even Fox would jump on airing it. For the next few minutes, just imagine that Popeye’s crew got shipwrecked and washed up on somewhere on the Jersey Shore.

First, we’ll need to see if we can compare the stars of MTV’s Jersey Shore to the characters in Popeye. Ronnie could pass for Bluto (or Brutus as I knew him from reruns as a kid), and for Olive Oyl you can take your pick between Snookie, JWoww, and Sammi because they are all annoying enough to fill that role. Unfortunately, there’s no debate that Vinny would have to be the hamburger eatin’ straight man, Wimpy, and finally Popeye would be The Situation, although he’s nowhere near as heroic, and instead of ripped abs, Popeye’s got killer forearms, gee, I wonder if it’s because Olive Oyl doesn’t put out enough? Oh, and as for DJ Pauly D, we’ll let him create the modern fist pounding theme song for the show.  

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 36: Bugs Bunny in Atlantic City

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WB Bugs Bunny Atlantic City T-Shirt courtesy of eBay member imasin1978
“Ehhh…what’s up slots? That’s probably what our favorite wabbit Bugs Bunny says when he’s gearing up to play in A.C. I wonder if he rubs his own foot before he hits the tables? On the front of today’s t-shirt, Bugs is all duked out in a tuxedo, but when he hightails it down the Garden State Parkway for a weekend filled with booze, hookers, and baccarat, I’m almost positive Bugs dresses like a total schlub as not to attract attention to himself. Remember, not only live action celebrities strive to conceal their identity in public, but you can bet your ass that anthropomorphic cartoon characters do as well.

You might think that Bugs would get mobbed when visiting a casino in Atlantic City, but actually it’s only the tourists that bother him. You see, Bugs is a Jersey boy. I know what you’re thinking right now. “Oh my Lord! Here he goes again, bragging about how everyone is connected to New Jersey!!!” It is true though, aside from the Easter Bunny, the hometown of the most famous bunny of pop culture is Perth Amboy, NJ! If you don’t believe me, start Googling!

Considering he’s a Jersey Bunny, Bugs is no stranger to the ins and outs of Atlantic City. Keeping with the anonymity thing, Bugs rolls down to A.C in his piece of shit 1996 Ford Aspire which he bought new when he received his huge windfall from signing on to star in Space Jam. It turned out to be quite a good investment since no one really ever thinks to look over at a Ford Aspire on the highway to see if an animated rabbit is driving it. The only downside is that it doesn’t drive too fast. While the Aspire plods down the GSP, adjacent in the EZ Pass Express lane, Road Runner meep meeps right passed him leaving Bugs in a cloud of dust digging for change to pay the toll.

Welcome to Atlantic City! Maybe the initials on this shirt should stand for “We’re Broke,” because that’s what many people are saying when they leave, much like this couple:

DAN: “Umm…honey?’
DAN’S WIFE: “Yes Dear?”
DAN: “I’m not sure how to tell you this, but I gambled away all of little Emma’s college money…but I bought this really cute Bugs Bunny shirt with my comp dollars! It’s a little big, but you can wear it to bed!”
DAN’S WIFE: “WHAT?!?! Are you f-cking kidding me?!?! Do I have to call Rocky and Mugsy to fix this? And what in the name of Speedy Gonzales made you think I’d want a freaking Bugs Bunny t-shirt? You know my favorite is Hippety Hopper you broke bastard!”

*If you did any Googling to see if there is any truth to Bugs hailing from Perth Amboy, I commend you. If you didn’t and you simply don’t believe me, then believe this: Bugs Bunny Land resided at Six Flags Great Adventure in Jackson, NJ from 1988 to 2004. Presently, Six Flags Great Adventure features Bugs Bunny National Park in addition to a couple of rides in the Looney Tunes Seaport. So how do ya like them carrots?

American Dragon: Jake Long – “The Lost Weekend”

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American Dragon: Jake Long features one of the coolest animated appearances of The Jersey Devil. Season 1 Episode 12 “The Lost Weekend,”aired in 2005. Unfortunately, The Disney Channel cancelled American Dragon: Jake Long in 2007, but the episodes are available on iTunes. The animated Jersey Devil looked less threatening than usual, but still as ominous as it can get for a cartoon geared toward young kids.

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Jake is a teenage skater kid from New York City who has the ability to turn into a dragon to fight evil creatures. I’ve seen the show before on Toon Disney, but never watched a complete episode until now. I was surprised by how much fun ‘The Lost Weekend” was. It brought me back to the days of watching cartoons on Saturday mornings as a kid. Much of the dialogue was cheesy, but I can’t expect Tarantino here.

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Jakes dad Jonathan was a leader of the Cougar Cubs, and he wants to relive some of those times by bringing Jake and his 2 friends camping in the woods of New Jersey. Punning it up with word play like tents and tense, Jonathan was the classic goofy dad who has no idea that he’s in a family of dragons.

There are some moments where the show is clever and other times its totally cliche. For instance, in a joke that was probably lost on the youthful demographic, Jake tells his dad that he doesn’t want to take part in singing during the car trip because “public domain songs make me nauseous.” Jake fears he’d embarrass his friends if he did, but they joined in and belted out the songs with Jakes dad. Jake’s friend Spud is basically the Jeff Spicoli of the crew. In a most stonerrific scene, we see Spud trying his best to muster up the will power to deny himself another S’more, but he gives up and shoves it down the hatch anyway.

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“…cannot…resist…marshmallow…”
Their other friend, Trixie, is completely annoying. Her whiny voice grated on me the entire show, especially when she attempted rapping. It didn’t help that she uttered stereotypical lines like “home girls don’t hold it” after finding out there is no bathroom in the woods.
A bunch of fairies summon Jake in hopes he can help defend their village. Once every hundred years “a great evil” appears from the woods and terrorizes their land for 7 straight nights. That great evil they referred to was The Jersey Devil! The stars also tell them that a great hero will show up to defeat the great evil.

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The face off between The Jersey Devil vs. Jake Long ruins Jakes fathers camping trip that he was so excited about. Jake and the fairies fortify the village with traps Kevin McCallister style, while Trixie and Spud actually get the true camping experience with Jakes dad. Even after hearing Trixie deliver antiquated phrases like “this breakfast is OFF THE CHAIN,” I still enjoyed it. I’ll go so far as to say that I was even moderately entertained by the ridiculous subplot involving Jakes mom and sister mistakenly going to a weight loss camp rather than a spa. There are worse ways to spend time with the Jersey Devil, and we’ll be taking a look at them in future posts!

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.20: The NJ Parallelogram

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To celebrate the 20th installment of New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments, we’ll be joining the Real Ghostbusters once again! Surprisingly, in both their live action and animated forms, The Ghostbusters have a monopoly on NJ references. What has always appealed to me even more about The Ghostbusters is their seamless mix of humor and the supernatural. Whether they’re talking about particle reversal, ionization rates, or crossing the streams, their ideas always seem loosely based on scientific fact.

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In the episode “Venkman’s Ghost Repellers,” (aired in 1986) a rash of ships have been disappearing into a part of the Atlantic Ocean referred to as The New Jersey Parallelogram. I suppose the writers of this episode thought “If The Bermuda Triangle was closer to New York, where would it be?” Why it’s got to be the most maligned state in the entire country, New Jersey of course! Ships have been floating along, minding their own business, and then BAM! right into another dimension through a wormhole that looks like something right out of Tron. Mysterious fog and “luminous spirits” were reported before the ships vanished. Inside the parallelogram there was no sign of Jimmy Hoffa, although the battleship Bismarck was spotted.

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Also in this episode, Peter Venkman’s con man father pays the crew a visit at their firehouse HQ. He’s been manufacturing ponchos and calling them “ghost repellers.” One old kooky guy, Dr. Mulch, wants to charter a ship directly into the NJ Parallelogram while he and all of his mates wear the “ghost repellers.” They think if they wear the ponchos they’ll be safe from whatever supernatural forces exist inside the parallelogram. Once the Ghostbusters catch wind that the ship has disappeared, and the ponchos clearly don’t work, The Ghostbusters are on the job!

No Doubt Will Kick Off Tour in New Jersey!

No Doubt Borgata Atlantic City
To the dismay of Anaheim, California, No Doubt will kick off their ’09 tour at the Borgata in Atlantic City NJ on 5/2! A day later, they’ll also be headlining the 2nd day of the Bamboozle music festival at the Meadowlands in East Rutherford NJ!

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To celebrate No Doubt picking NJ to start their trek, The Sexy Armpit has grabbed screen shots from the bands animated appearance on King of the Hill! The episode “Kidney Boy and Hamster Girl: A Love Story,” aired on May 13th, 2001.

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Gwen Stefani is hot even in animated form
The ‘toon version of No Doubt performed at Arlen High School’s prom. Throughout the episode, their songs “Ex-Girlfriend,” “Don’t Speak,” and “Bathwater,” can all be heard.

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Tom, Tony, and Adrian
No Doubt will also be appearing at the PNC Bank Arts Center in Holmdel, NJ on 6/26!

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.12: The Karate Kid is “Goin’ Back to Jersey…to Jersey”

In 1989, The Karate Kid starred in his own short lived animated series. In the 2nd episode, Homecoming, Danielson heads back to his home state of New Jersey to search for a mystical shrine. Sadly, there’s no sign of Johnny Lawrence aka the legendary William Zabka. Although all isn’t lost, since much of the episode’s action takes place at an amusement park. As far as I know there are no amusement parks in Newark, so who knows? Maybe they were at Six Flags Great Adventure?

It was announced last week that a new Karate Kid film may go into production starring Will Smith’s son Jaden.

Finding this video on Hulu was a big score. If you haven’t visited Hulu then get on it! I signed up when it was in beta and it was well worth it. Hulu is my first stop for SNL sketches, full length movies, and TV episodes. It gets me caught up on shows and some ’80s classics during my lunch hour at work.

http://www.hulu.com/embed/MI-D0wH3ZP6DF-_H7YrcGQ