I cannot believe you actually have something this cool in your house!
Batman Onstar Commercials
Ok, so I’m putting my money on the fact that most of you batmaniacs out there have seen this already but I’m going to imbed it anyway. My father and I were really impressed when we first saw these Batman Onstar commercials. The production values and the look of all the actors was superb. One of the best aspects of these commercials is that they use the Michael Keaton style of the costume and the ’89/’92 film version of the Batmobile. I’ve been watching this video probably since the user uploaded it! The video links all 6 commercials together to make a mini Batman Onstar movie! Check out the Riddler!
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xen9Ylz5GoY&hl=en&fs=1]
Batman Party Invitation
It’s July 13th which means The Dark Knight is only a short 5 days away! It will actually be shorter for those of you seeing sneak previews on Wednesday and Thursday. You lucky bastards! I’m trying to torture myself even more by waiting until noon on Friday, but that’s how I’ve done it since Batman Returns. For the Batman premiere in ’89 I had to wait until my parents could bring me so I couldn’t go until a packed evening showing. I’ll never forget that night because it was so unbelievable to me. Even before the movie started there was this feeling of excitement going through the theater. The theater we went to in town had lines wrapped around the building to buy tickets and each showing was sold out. Several years later the the theater turned into an Office Max. Apparently now it’s going to become an Irish Pub. Damn real estate! That building should be listed on the historic registry as “THE BUILDING WHERE JAY SAW BATMAN ON OPENING NIGHT IN 1989.”
As Casey Kasem used to say….”And now…On with the Countdown…”
I already covered Batman birthday cakes so far in the Dark Knight Countdown so now let me backtrack to the invitation. This is a Batman party invitation from 1989 which I kept as part of my collection. This is the comic book version of Batman who I grew up with. I always loved this version of Batman the best especially since I was introduced to him way before the Tim Burton version was even thought of. All throughout Batmania of the late ’80s and early ’90s this was still the “go-to” Batman who appeared on everything from t-shirts to party plates to puffy stickers. Forget about continuity, Batman wore gray and blue in the comics and black whenever he was on the big screen.
The Batcut
Harry Potter has been a phenomenon with young kids and adults for years now, but does that mean people have been going to their local hair salon and asking for “The Potter?” Kid and Play and Vanilla Ice have had influence on trendy hairstyles but neither of them had the type of impact to make a guy do THIS:
Aside from Beatlemania, I doubt anything will ever be bigger than Batmania. I’m glad I was around for it. Sure, we’re all eagerly anticipating The Dark Knight’s release but the feeling is nowhere near the feeling that came over the world in 1989 when Batman starring Michael Keaton and Jack Nicholson was released. It could have been that it was almost 20 years at that point since Batman was blasting onto the small screen. The Batman TV show was cancelled in 1968 and Tim Burton’s version didn’t hit theaters until 1989. It’s almost legendary how bad producers in Hollywood wanted to get a Batman movie going after the success of the Superman saga.
Like Tom Petty once said, “…the waiting is the hardest part” and I guess finally getting what we were waiting for made us do some pretty outrageous things like shaving bat symbols into our heads. It’s possible I might get reprimanded at my job if I pulled a stunt like this, so in honor of The Dark Knight’s release I’ll continue to obsessively write Batman related entries until the films release. Pictured above is a clip I scanned from my collection. It was printed in a local newspaper in ’89.
The Chronicles of the Jersey Shore: The Boss, The Boardwalk, and the Batman Poster
Despite rumors you might have heard around the country, there’s nothing really great about the Jersey Shore. Except for a few sections of extreme wealth, the Jersey shore has always been pretty shitty truth be told. Now don’t all you Jersey Shore Enthusiasts get all upset now, admit it…in the back of your saltwater-logged heads you know I have a point.
One of the main attractions for families to head “down the shore” has always been the boardwalk and the amusements. I’ll cut the crap, you’ve never seen shittier rides. You might as well dangle your kid from the landing of your 3rd floor walk up because that’s about as exciting as it gets. Not to sound like a PSA, but often it does get as dangerous. I’m being overly critical mind you, since I’ve been lucky enough to experience Disneyland, Disney World and all the related parks, Universal Orlando and Hollywood, etc. The list is long and distinguished and I don’t doubt that most of you reading this are able to say the same and then some. Once you’ve been to IMAX movies, mountain climbing, and met Nikki Sixx you’ll have no chance of rousing your spirits at the Jersey Shore. But you can clog your arteries with plenty of funnel cake and sausage sanwhiches, and fried oreos. (When did Satan buy stock in the Jersey Shore?)
Sure go ahead, call me a Jersey Snob. I live here, I work here, so why am I going against the legendary iconic Jersey Shore? Because of how I was berated by Linda the middle aged, overly tan, overly fat, heavy, heavy smoker, who owns a small one bedroom plastic monopoly game sized house in Belmar, with the gigundo gold necklaces, wreaks of tanning oil and sounds like Donald Duck.
LINDA: Hey Yooh! (like she was a husky butch lesbian mafia member) Wasn’t ’da great Bruce Springsteen sprung to stahdom heeah (here)? Wasn’t the first Gweedo spotted heeah (here)?
So talk to da hand!
ME: Yeah, but does that really matter? I mean you can look at pictures of the Stone Pony on the internet.”
LINDA: Oh no you didn’t you sunavabitch! You think yaw funny don’t yooh? Well you know who ain’t think yaw funny? The Chairmen of the Bawd that’s who. Now what? You wanna say sumthin? I didn’t think so you scumbag, I was in ‘Nam, why do you think I’ve gotta an aircast on my right ankle and I walk with a limp? But that won’t stop me frhum kickin yaw ass ya sunavabitch!
Back to your regularly scheduled program,
put the needle on the record…
…The board walk and rides were nowhere near as cool as the big boardwalk in The Lost Boys, which seemed so grand almost like a carnival type atmosphere. I used to want to visit the city of “Santa Carla” just because I secretly wished we had a setup as cool as theirs. But I doubt I’d be able to stomach all the damn vampires. How great was the comic store Sam (Haim) was browsing at? There’s no comic book stores on our Boardwalk! Just a ton of lame gift shops and the occasional pizza, and ice cream joints. Not even a good haunted house!
What we do have a ton of are the games of chance like the spinning wheel and the water gun/balloon game. Those are the games that you rarely win anything that cool. At the corner there’s always a spinning wheel game that for some reason gives away full cases of candy and snacks. It’s like the folks who run the game just went to Costco to buy there giveaway prizes for the night, and they were so damn lazy to open the cases of candy that they just figured they’d give each winner a full case. I can say that I’ve won way cooler stuff from those same games in Six Flags then I have at the Jersey Shore. Actually the Batman poster pictured above is the only great thing I’ve ever won at the Jersey shore.
Almost 15 years this Batman poster hung in my room. I can’t remember if a family member won it for me or I won it myself, but either way I was thankful to get this poster. It originally came in a wooden frame that I still have housing a collage of photos. There were a ton of Batman posters to choose from at that Boardwalk game, but I zeroed in on this one. I loved the colors of the background and the building. The artwork is well done and I appreciate the fact that Batman is wearing the blue and gray, since everywhere you looked that summer had Batman in his new black costume.
Batman Fruit Snacks and Fruit Roll-Ups
The good ol’ Dark Knight must be tight on cash lately because it seems as if he sold his soul to Betty Crocker. Not only has there recently been Batman fruit snacks but now there are Batman The Dark Knight Fruit Roll-ups on the grocery store shelves. Something about fruit roll ups changed throughout the years. It’s like the Jello-O pudding pops conspiracy where the pops that are available now taste almost exactly the same as the old ones except for a minor detail that I can’t pinpoint. When I was a kid fruit roll-ups seemed like they had more of a real fruit consistency and they were less plasticy and chewy than they are now. It’s like eating a slab of strawberry flavored vinyl. On the fruit roll ups themselves are faces of all the characters from the new Dark Knight movie. The pictures that are stamped on really suck. It’s not as easy as it would seem to figure out what the hell you’re looking at. It’s almost like looking at one of those Rorschach tests. (an ink blot…remember that in Batman Forever?!) The roll-ups come in strawberry and berry cool, both tasted sickeningly sweet to me.
As for the fruit snacks, personally I think you can never go wrong with fruit snacks even though I have my reservations about them also. Out of the fruit snacks and fruit roll-ups, the fruit snacks are the clear winner because of they taste better than the roll up and they are more fun to eat.
Batman on Blu-Ray Giveaway!!!
To celebrate the kickoff The Sexy Armpit’s DARK KNIGHT COUNTDOWN Fox Home Video has been gracious enough to supply us with a Blu-Ray disc of the original Batman The Movie (1966) Special Edition starring Adam West and Burt Ward to give away to a lucky reader. Batman was released today on Blu-Ray so THANKS Fox Home Video!
HOW TO WIN THE BATMAN BLU-RAY DISC: E-Mail sexyarmpit@comcast.net subject line: BATMAN. Just for fun, try to answer one of the 2 following questions: What was Catwoman’s Moscow Bugle Alias OR answer Riddler’s riddle What’s Yellow and Writes? One winner will be picked randomly and the deadline is 7/20.
I’ve always been obsessed with the ’60s Batman TV series. It’s so bad that I can tell you the episode name, what season it was in, who played each villain, etc. So basically it’s going to be difficult for me to give away the new Blu-Ray transfer and not try to hold onto it for dear life.
As any legit Bat-fan knows, the ’60s live action TV series brought us some cool bat crap but my favorite of all time comes from this film: SHARK REPELLENT BAT-SPRAY! When I was a kid my friend Frank and I made all kinds of accessories for our toy utility belts but the one thing that he never had that I DID was a mini can of Shark Repellent Bat Spray that my dad made for me. Alot of you remember the times that your dad taught you how to spiral a football, throw a slider, or change the oil in your first car. Well, I remember my dad fashioning me a kick-ass aerosol can that would repel sharks in case one decided to “pull my leg.”
In the film you’ll see all the classic villains masterfully portrayed as well as the entire cast of Batman regulars. There’s so many extras on this disc they couldn’t even fit on Commodore Schmidlapp’s yacht!
Features include: Commentary by Adam West and Burt Ward, Isolated musical Score in DTS, several featurettes including: Batman: A Dynamic Legacy, Caped Crusaders: A Heroes Tribute, Gotham’s City’s Most Wanted, The Batmobile Revealed, Batman on Location, original trailers, still galleries, trivia, and lots more! Take a look at one of the featurettes from the new Batman Blu-Ray disc:
Review: The Incredible Hulk
While many folks schedule their vacations to the Bahamas or Mexico this summer, I base my vacation time off release dates of super hero movies. It’s something I’ve always done, even as a kid. Well, let me correct myself, we weren’t lucky enough to be able to schedule our own vacation time when we were in school but I did it anyway. “Mom, Batman Returns comes out on Friday and I want to take off of school so can you take me?” Surprisingly, my mom was always supportive of that kind of thing. Even as I went through High School I never ditched class, I just had my mom call me in sick. Then my friends (who all pulled similar strings with their moms) and I went to the theater whenever a MUST SEE movie came out. Most of the time it was a Batman movie. You can just imagine how pumped I am for THE DARK KNIGHT! I’ve already scheduled my day off and booked a room in Atlantic City so I can see it in an IMAX theater. To a lot of you those plans might seem a little excessive just to see a movie. The sun, palm trees, a frozen cocktail…a Jedi crave not these things. Today my vacation day entailed a trip to the theater to see The Incredible Hulk. Here’s the recap:
Six Flags Dark Knight Coaster: A HUGE LETDOWN
If you’re into the whole brevity thing and you simply can’t stand my never-ending tangents, then here’s the short version: I’ve had more exciting rides on a compact John Deere Gator. Better yet…I’ve taken my life in my hands on numerous occasions reaching speeds 30 to 40 times faster than the Dark Knight Coaster on my Mongoose BMX bike. And yes, you CAN ride on my pegs.
A new ride at a local amusement park is usually pretty damn exciting. It gives us even more motivation to flock to the park and shell out zillions on season passes, parking passes, hopper passes, etc. This season, Six Flags Great Adventure in N.J capitalized on the popularity of the Batman Begins sequel, The Dark Knight, and threw up a dark ride in it’s honor. Naturally, like any die hard insane Bat-Fan, I needed to ride it.
I got there before the park opened because I knew I wasn’t going to want to stay in line for an hour and a half to ride it. Even though it was the Dark Knight, I don’t have the patience that I used to. Waiting for Kingda Ka was the biggest letdown because we must’ve waited 2 hours for a ride that seemed to last 7 seconds. The anticipation was high judging by how fast everyone sprinted to the Dark Knight as soon as the security guards let down the rope to get into the rest of the park. Don’t you hate it when you’re in a holding pattern in an amusement park waiting for it to open and you realize people actually work there and it isn’t just a fantasy world? There’s guys filling cold cases with soda and iced tea, opening up the doors to the various memorabilia and candy stores, and others are sweeping up. I always thought that stuff was done by the amusement park fairies that live in the old Victorian house at the front gate.
For young park visitors, the Dark Knight is a fun attraction but for the majority of people expecting a thrill ride similar to the Aerosmith Rock n Roller Coaster, they’ll surely be disappointed. It’s the most boring, lame, and uneventful ride in the park. I didn’t have to wait on line, but if you do you’ll wait in what they are trying to make us believe is the Gotham City transit system. The lights are dim and the big screen is showing a press conference with Harvey Dent (actually played by Aaron Eckhart) answering questions about crime in Gotham. Then the lights get even dimmer and the Joker’s catchphrase WHY SO SERIOUS comes on the screen while random Jokeresque quotes scrawled on the walls illuminate. There was a short montage with jolts of James Cagney and melting celluloid that for some reason got me so pumped. We boarded the ride, and not soon after I was deflated. I realized that we rode the majority of the ride and I kept saying “I’m sure it hasn’t even kicked in yet.” Was I wrong! The ride was over and nothing happened.
The Dark Knight “coaster” as it’s called is far from a coaster. It felt like it went about 5 mph!! There’s nothing even going on inside while you’re in you’re little 4 person train. You see some blacklit/florescent markings on the walls to make you think Joker is around, and you hear someone who sounds like Heath Ledger trying to spook you out, but other than that there’s really nothing to the ride.
Leave it to Six Flags to make a shitty ride. They can work wonders with their roller coasters but when it comes to other rides and attractions they suck. They rarely show any creativity and it usually seems like they don’t want to offer a variety of attractions. If they wanted to create a throwback dark ride, why didn’t they make a haunted house? At one time Great Adventure had a haunted house but it burned down in ’84. Check out this great article at Dark in the Park about the old Six Flags haunted castle. I haven’t been to a good haunted house since Castle Dracula.
It seemed like they whipped up the Dark Knight coaster in 6 weeks so I’m sure Six Flags has the means to make the most kickass, scariest haunted house on the east coast. You’ll always hear them bragging on TV with their annoying ads about how much bigger Great Adventure is than Disneyland, and how they feature a safari. Who cares how much land they own? How about concentrating on making Great Adventure an awesome amusement park with awe inspiring rides? Isn’t that the point? Their coasters are kickass but they are seriously lacking when it comes to creating atmosphere. I want to escape when I go to a theme park. I want to be pulled into Metropolis when I wait for the Superman ride, I DON’T want to feel like I’m waiting an hour in the sweltering Jackson, N.J sun by the greasy haired kid dressed all in black, yellow converse, who’s blasting some metal song from his ruby red Razr phone.
With Six Flags association with the WB and DC characters, it’s a shame that they can’t get a grasp on the rides in their parks. How about a Marvin the Martian Space Mission? A Gossamer Funhouse? A Wonder Woman Invisible Jet ride? C’mon people…this is off the cuff here! Imagine what I could do if I really put my mind to it!
I love going on rides like Nitro (my favorite), El Toro, Superman, and The Scream Machine, but they don’t offer much personality. The rides themselves are awesome but what I value is the atmosphere. Six Flags chinces out and they don’t take the opportunity to sweep you into a different world as you’re waiting to go on the ride. That long wait is sometimes excruciating and could be made a lot more interesting. You know what I mean if you’ve been on any ride in Disney World and Universal like Spider Man, and Star Tours in MGM. I want to be transported and be so distracted that the greasy haired kid won’t even make it into my brain because I‘m seriously convincing myself into thinking that I‘m about to rocket into space. Maybe the people who run Great Adventure could go take a ride on Space Mountain, Tower of Terror, or even one of the awesome rides in Universal’s Islands of Adventure. They could learn a thing or two.
Have you gone on any terrible rides? If so, tell us about it!
From Bat-Bots to Bat-Pods
With the latest picture released of Batman’s new modified costume in next summer’s The Dark Knight, I figured I’d weigh in on something Batman related. If you aren’t aware I’m a Bat-freak and have been since the Super-Friends. The latest animated incarnation that debuted a few years ago called “The Batman” has it’s pros and cons. After 4 seasons I’m not completely sold on the show although I do enjoy it.