G.I JERSEY: G.I JASON On T-Shirt Tuesday

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G.I Jersey - The Sexy Armpit
In today’s post GI Jersey and T-Shirt Tuesday have joined forces to take on one of horror’s most notorious icons who happens to be from…NEW JERSEY!!!

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Some of the coolest, most collectible G.I Joe figures were those who weren’t actually Joe’s at all. For instance there was William “The Refrigerator” Perry, pro wrestler Sgt. Slaughter, and even writer Stephen King’s son had a figure in his likeness code name Sneak Peek to name a few. In this article, The Metal Misfit even revealed that the Italian Stallion Rocky Balboa was slated for his own figure and character on the show as well, but plans fell through when the Rambo toy line was put on shelves. I can’t be sure that there was ever a true villain or monster created in the image of a non-Joe related character before, until now. The Horror T-Shirt masterminds over at Fright Rags decided to bring Jason Voorhees to life on his own T-Shirt in the style of the old GI Joe action figure card backs!
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The REAL AMERICAN SLASHER, Jason Voorhees has never looked cooler. In this era of mash-ups, this is the ultimate ’80s indulgence. When I first saw the tweet from Fright Rags eluding to this t-shirt I lost my mind. Combining GI Joe and one of the greatest horror movie franchises of all time is one of the coolest ideas for a t-shirt I’ve seen in a long time. Not only does the shirt respectfully pay tribute to both properties, but it does it in such a way that if GI Joe was to actually release a Jason figure, this is EXACTLY how the card back would look. Please take note of Jason’s birthplace! That’s right folks, nobody in Jersey cares about Jersey Shore except kids in middle school. Who needs the shore when we have Crystal Lake to boast about! Who cares about the New Jersey budget? Governor Christie should be talking about how proud he is that Jason Voorhees now has his own official G.I Joe file card. This is the important shit, for real.

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If you are spazzing out like I did, don’t worry, the t-shirt is still for sale in limited quantities. Frankly, I’m surprised it didn’t sell out almost immediately, but now the site says there are only certain sizes left so get it while you still can! 
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Valentine’s Eve Starring Jason Voorhees?

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Many people say Valentine’s Day is lame and stupid, but they’re mostly single people. Even though it is a pretty hokey holiday (if you want to call it a holiday), I usually just embrace it as I do most other holidays. If you have even the slightest degree of appreciation for your loved ones, I’m sure you’ve scanned the selection of Valentine’s Day cards at the local grocery or convenience store and found a bunch of generic B.S. That’s why I looked to Zazzle this year. It’s where I found one of the coolest Valentine’s Day cards ever.

*Spoiler Alert – I probably should’ve given this to Miss Sexy Armpit last night, but I hadn’t finished writing the message inside of it yet. Maybe she can act surprised when she opens it! This is a perfect V-day card for horror fanatics out there, especially fans of Friday the 13th!  It’s a little late now, but order it for next year and you’ll be prepared. Keep in mind, you won’t find this Happy Valentine’s Eve card in stores. Click over to Zazzle where you can get this card or its graphic on a t-shirt as well.
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New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments 62: Christmas Evil

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I hope you’re not planning on asking Santa for a lifetime subscription to Penthouse magazine or you’re in for it. Released the same year as To All a Good Night, Christmas Evil is the true classic of Christmas horror films. If Psycho and Halloween are looked at as pioneering films in the genre, Christmas Evil holds the same honor when it comes to Christmas horror movies. Don’t get me wrong, I still love Silent Night, Deadly Night, but the majority of Christmas Evil was actually filmed right here in New Jersey. Originally released as You Better Watch Out and also known as Terror in Toyland, this largely overlooked horror movie offers dark humor and a creepy, yet yuletide atmosphere.

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Can you dig it? Santa traded in his sleigh for a custom van!

It’s a familiar story, one that has been copied numerous times after the release of both Christmas Evil and To All a Good Night. At the time in 1980, these two films just seemed like cheap throwaway horror film gimmicks, but to many horror film buffs they are classics now.

You can read about Christmas Evil all over the Internet, but the basic gist of it is that on Christmas 1947 little Harry loses his shit and starts cutting himself after witnessing Santa Claus getting naughty with his mother. When Harry realizes it was his father under the Santa suit he grows up wanting to be like the Santa he thought existed. Fast forward to his adult years, Harry has become straight up obsessed with Christmas and becoming Santa. He even keeps a book of all the good and bad kids around town. Dressed as Santa, Harry begins to go on a rampage around town to right all the wrongs he’s witnessed in various ways. The difference about this film and other Santa slashers is that Harry is actually playing a moral judge, he’s just not going around hacking up everyone in his path.

In the horror sub genre of Christmas or Holiday horror films, there aren’t too many that are worth revisiting. Christmas Evil is the type of perennial classic that you can go back to in the same way you re-watch A Christmas Story and How The Grinch Stole Christmas every holiday season. Every time I watch it I wonder why it hasn’t been labelled the quintessential Christmas horror movie yet. Is Silent Night Deadly Night better? I don’t think it is and neither do my fellow bloggers:

“It’s one of my favorite film endings of all time, the absolute perfect end cap to what is a madly magical film.” – Freddy in Space

“…the pedigree of most holiday-themed slasher movies isn’t very high, but Christmas Evil is pretty exceptional.” As perfectly summed up at Marcus’ Movie Life

And while I disagree with his Silent Night Deadly Night sentiment, I tend to agree with Charles Tatum’s Review overall which states that “Christmas Evil belongs just below Gremlins and Black Christmas and well above Elves and the moronic Silent Night Deadly Night when it comes to the unique Christmas horror genre.”

After a little girl says to him “Santa, your shirt’s dirty,” Harry replies “There’s a…a lot of pollution between here and the North Pole.” That sure is true, and although it’s never claimed outright in the film, the story itself takes place in suburban New Jersey. At least from my countless viewings over the years, aside from a couple of glimpses of NJ license plates, Christmas Evil doesn’t mention the state except for thanking Montclair and Glen Ridge in the closing credits.

Also check out Christmas Evil at one of our favorite horror blogs, Kindertrauma!

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Emma Bell is October’s Garden State Playmate

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There may not be a more appropriate candidate to bestow the honor of Garden State Playmate to this month than Stanton, NJ’s Emma Bell. Everything’s coming up bloody roses for this young actress. So far, a string of roles in horror films and TV shows have ignited her career. The graduate of Hunterdon Central Regional High School has appeared in TV’s Supernatural, Adam Green’s Frozen and Hatchet II, Final Destination 5, and of course as Amy on The Walking Dead.

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In an August 2011 article, Interview magazine’s Ilana Kaplan asked Emma about “weird things in New Jersey” to which she replied: “There’s the Jersey Devil, I remember my brother talking about abandoned shacks in the middle of the woods. We lived close to preserved lands. We would go in there and hike all the time. A few people lived in those woods.” Just like many of us who grew up in New Jersy, Emma Bell went on Weird NJ trips of her own! Next up for Emma is a Twilight spoof also starring Danny Trejo called
Breaking Wind.

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Halloween 2011 Events in New Jersey

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I’ve been complaining that it seems like there aren’t enough Halloween events going on this year in the Garden State, but as the month of October continues, I’m obviously dead wrong. There’s events popping up like zombies out of the ground. So, if you’re into some doing spooky stuff in honor of Halloween, Jersey is definitely the place to do it. I don’t know what I was thinking because we probably have more cool frightful events than most other states. Read on for the best ways to celebrate Halloween for the rest of the month. If you have an event that you would like to submit for the list, please send to sexyarmpit@comcast.net.

You may remember me mentioning The Home of Happiness before. They are New Jersey’s own Rocky Horror Troupe located in Montclair, New Jersey. Tonight, 10/15 they are having a Pre-Halloween costume contest and next Saturday is college night! If you miss it this week, be sure to get there on a Saturday night soon, it’s “truly beautiful to behold!”
WHEN: EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT!
WHERE: Bellevue Theater, Montclair NJ
And of course, we’ve got ZOMBIES! We’ll have enough ghastly zombies in Asbury Park’s UNDEAD FESTIVAL to take over Rhode Island. We broke a Guinness record at the last NJ Zombie Walk and I’m sure this year will be just as insane. Get your tickets to the Undead Festival which is going on all next weekend!
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UNDEAD FESTIVAL AND NJ ZOMBIE WALK

WHEN: OCTOBER 21st, 22nd, and 23rd! (Zombie Walk is 10/22!)
WHERE: Asbury Park Convention Hall, Asbury Park NJ
FEATURING: vendors, costume contests, fashion shows, screenings, meet and greets with horror film stars
HALLOWEEN HORROR DOUBLE FEATURE
FILMS: Frankenhooker and Basket Case
WHEN: 10/22 7:30 PM
WHERE: FORUM THEATRE, Metuchen NJ
I often write posts about The Landmark Loews Jersey Theater and their excellent film festivals. The theater is a gorgeous classic movie house which has been restored by volunteers who pour their heart and soul into the old movie palace. The theater is easily accessible, located in Journal Square in Jersey City. If you don’t have plans for Halloween weekend, there’s nothing better than watching a horror film in this theater while munching on popcorn.
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HORRORS, LAUGHS, AND CHILLS CLASSIC FILM FESTIVAL 

WHERE: Landmark Loews Jersey Theater, Jersey City, NJ
FILM SCHEDULE: 
Friday 10/28 8:00PM The House on Haunted Hill
Saturday 10/29 6:00PM Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein
Sunday 10/29 8:15 PM The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari
CHILLER THEATRE TOY, MODEL, and FILM EXPO
WHEN: 10/28 – 10/20
WHERE: Hilton, Parsipanny NJ
TICKETS: http://www.chillertheatre.com/c4tickets.htm

THE MISFITS
WHEN: 10/28 Doors at 6:30 PM
WHERE: Starland Ballroom, Sayreville
TICKETS: via this link at Ticketmaster

FRIGHT FEST AT SIX FLAGS GREAT ADVENTURE
WHERE: Six Flags Great Adventure, Jackson, NJ
WHEN: Weekends until 10/30
PARANORMAL NJ’s NIGHTMARE BALL
WHEN: 10/29 8 PM
WHERE: Asbury Lanes, Asbury Park NJ
http://www.paranormalbooksNJ.com and http://www.asburylanes.com/

ELAINE’S DINNER THEATER AND HAUNTED MANSION
Now Presenting “Gone With The Werewolves”
WHEN: Make Reservations at (609) 884-4358
WHERE: Cape May, NJ
http://www.elainesdinnertheater.com/dinner.html

WHERE: Willowbrook Mall, Wayne NJ
WHEN: Until 10/30
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Eddie Weinbauer’s Last Stand

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Before Trick R‘ Treat hit horror freaks like a ton of bricks made out of candy corn, 1986’s Trick OR Treat satisfied my Halloween movie watching tradition. This highly misinterpreted film was perfectly in line with 2 of my favorite things ever with the initials H.M: heavy metal and horror movies. If you just never bothered to watch it because you read bad reviews, you can’t take a film that stars Skippy Handelman seriously, or you’re just too young and it was before your time…NOW IS THE TIME for Trick Or Treat! One person’s cheesy movie is another person’s annual classic.

Once October rolls around I fire up my Halloween playlist which includes all kinds of spooky songs and hard rock tunes from horror movies. Fastway’s soundtrack is the nucleus of the film and if you enjoy hard rock from the ’80s, you’ll dig these songs. What makes this soundtrack better than so many others is that the lyrics and music fit the plot so well it’s almost eerie. At first listen, you might think it’s pretty generic hard rock from that era, but it’s way more than that once you get into the movie. The Halloween atmosphere is definitely in full effect when you start blasting songs like “Trick or Treat” and “Stand Up.”

I’ve already watched Trick or Treat once this month and I plan on at least one more viewing. With each viewing I notice another little detail that I may not have noticed before. This time, the dark comedy really hit me. Many people think it’s just a straight up horror movie, and that’s partly true, but there’s a few really funny scenes too. Now, I’m not joking with you here…it’s also a serious social commentary on heavy metal in the ’80s.

Back then, many parents were blaming heavy metal musicians for their children’s suicides or arson. Bad stuff was going on and parent groups and the government were actually trying to blame heavy metal musicians like Twisted Sister and Judas Priest among others. This was complete bullshit of course, but when you see the scene where rock God Sammi Curr was on the stand defending his music, it’s not far from how that all went down. Perhaps this film is more relevant now that we can look back at it and remember that heavy metal artists were looked at like Satanists. If you’re parents didn’t know anything about KISS, then just their posters would’ve given parents anxiety attacks knowing that’s the band their kid is obsessing over.

As you know, I can’t leave you without sneaking in a New Jersey tie-in! When you hit the 47 minute mark on the DVD of Trick Or Treat listen up for actor Marc Price’s audibly prominent New Jersey accent as he delivers a line in response to his mom’s question: “…Aspirin, and some soup.”

Other Trick Or Treat related posts:
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2Iv2vVIqng?rel=0]
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New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.60: Demon Knight

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“That’s right Mavis, yeah one of ’ems got Maryland plates and the other ones from New Jersey…10-4.” – Sheriff Tupper, Tales From The Crypt Presents Demon Knight

If not for The Cryptkeeper, the Tales From The Crypt series would never have spawned 3 movie spinoffs. Originally slated for a Halloween ’94 release, I remember waiting until January of 1995 to see the miserable Demon Knight. I sat in a fairly empty theater to watch this on a Friday afternoon, even dozing off a few times.

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N.J License Plate!

Since the Tales series had a bunch of memorable episodes, I had high expectations for this film. Call me crazy, but when I first heard that a new Tales from the Crypt movie was coming out back then I thought it was going to be more like an anthology similar to the original Tales from the Crypt film from 1972 Unfortunately it was nothing like that and it was later indicated through several horror magazines that the script wasn’t even originally intended as a Tales From The Crypt movie.

Aside from the Cryptkeeper introducing and capping off the film, the cool cameos by John Laroquette and Dick Miller are worth noting. Other than that, I couldn’t think of a more dull cast. Jada Pinkett bored me to death, but I was happy to see that John Schuck had a pretty large role. You might know Schuck as Herman in a show that I admittedly watched as a kid, The Munsters Today.

Without any hesitation, I’ve always stood by the fact that Demon Knight sucked. I was much more satisfied with the shlockier Bordello of Blood starring Corey Feldman, since it was a more fitting horror comedy. 
The Cryptkeeper needs to make a comeback! The Cryptkeeper can easily be created with CGI so he can continue hosting movies and TV shows forever. If the time comes when the voice of the Cryptkeeper, John Kassir, can’t do it anymore I’m sure it can be closely replicated in the same way that the Looney Tunes voices are. COME BACK CRYPTKEEPER…COME BACK…BUT ONLY WITH A GOOD MOVIE!
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Rumors of Jersey Devil Movie Are Bloody True!

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PhotobucketSince talk of the new big budget Jersey Devil movie, The Barrens, has proven true, now all we can to do is wait and hope that it doesn’t SUCK royally like it’s predecessors. Carny, and 13th Child were far from spine tingling and I hope that the producers of this film ensure that they do everything in their power to learn from previous train wrecks.

The plot centers around a father who takes his family to the vast woods of the Pine Barrens in New Jersey for a camping trip. While at Wharton State Forest, he believes they are being stalked by The Jersey Devil. All I can say is that if this gets a theatrical release I’ll be first on line, otherwise I’ll be pre-ordering it on Bluray!

Hopefully being released next fall, Stephen Moyer of True Blood will star in the film. It’s a shame that future Garden State Playmate Brit Morgan, who plays Debbie Pelt on True Blood, has not been cast in the film. She’s from Marlton, New Jersey and having a Jersey girl in the film would add to the authenticity.

The Barrens comes to you from writer/director/and producer, Darren Lynn Bousman, who was also the guy who brought us Saw II and Repo The Genetic Opera. Unfortunately though, The Barrens was filmed in Toronto, not actually in Jersey, but it’s still awesome news nonetheless!

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I Was A Teenage Werebear & Detroit Rock City presented by Dread Central

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Horror comedies aren’t for everyone. Many of my hardcore horror friends feel that there’s no reason to waste time on horror comedies when there’s a severe drought for some good old genuinely scary horror films. I think we have room for all kinds of horror related films, tongue in cheek or not. I adore films like Stan Helsing, Once Bitten, Transylvania 6-5000, and others. Chillerama, the upcoming horror comedy anthology, promises to be a modern crown jewels of this genre. You can have a sneak peak of it on Saturday in Metuchen, NJ.

Filmmakers such as Adam Green, Joe Lynch, Adam Rifkin, and Tim Sullivan will all direct shorts that will comprise Chillerama. One of those shorts is Tim Sullivan’s, I Was a Teenage Werebear, which he wrote and directed and it will make it’s New Jersey premiere this Saturday July 9th at Metuchen’s Forum Theater. If you’re a regular here you”ll remember that the Forum Theatre is where Geof from The Man Cave and I went to check out The Full Moon Pictures Roadshow and Evil Bong 3-D, and you can read the recap here. In Sullivan’s bio on IMDB, Werebear is said to capture his love for “camp and rock and roll”

Adding to the bonus sneak peek at the Chillerama short is a showing of Detroit Rock City which Sullivan was associate producer on! How did they know I am a HUGE KISS FAN as well? The 1999 film about a bunch of friends doing their damndest to get to the KISS concert at Cobo Hall in 1978. I saw the film when it hit theaters and loved it, regardless of the fact that it never made much of an impact with moviegoers.

Writer/director/producer Tim Sullivan hails from Plainfield, New Jersey, so this premiere is a homecoming for him. He’s responsible for such films as 2001 Maniacs, Driftwood, and 2001 Maniacs: Field of Screams. Sullivan will also be holding Q&A sessions after the films. The event is hosted by Dread Central’s Paul Nomad.

For more info and tickets go to the official theater site:
http://www.forumtheatrearts.org/
http://www.facebook.com/forumtheatrearts

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