Music Videos Archives - Page 4 of 4

Want a Savior But Don’t Need a Fake? Elect Alice Cooper!

Posted on October 2, 2008 by sexyarmpit

This just in from the Sexy Armpit News Desk:

The U.S Treasury is presently in discussions to officially remove George Washington from the dollar bill and replace him with the macabre rocker Alice Cooper. The country nervoulsy anticipates the outcome of such a monumental decision. When contacted for a comment Cooper just started yelling “I want to be elected.” Coming to you live from Washington D.C, I’m Jay Amabile for The Sexy Armpit.com

Here you can sign the petition that will hopefully get Alice Cooper elected president which will hopefully lead to him getting his face on the one dollar bill. Let’s take a look at his resume and see why he’s more qualified than both of our candidates in this presidential election:

As it turns out, much like Wayne and Garth, we’re not worthy! Not only has Alice partied with the Muppets, Jason Voorhees, and Slash but he’s also got himself a mean golf swing. I’m sure he’s trying to forget his moment accompanying Jake “The Snake” Roberts to the ring at Wrestlemania 3 so we won’t make him re-live that one.

Before we get to the videos, I actually caught this Alice Cooper One Dollar Bill at his Brutal Planet concert 9 years ago today. Alice kicked off Fright Fest at Six Flags Great Adventure on October 1st 1999. It wasn’t the only time I saw Alice but seeing his show on a cool, eerie October night in the middle of an amusement park didn’t get much better! I caught the dollar bill and Ryan Roxie’s guitar pick; could the night get any more memorable? Just after that thought ran through my head I saw Alice come over to us (we were in the front) pointing his cane at my then girlfriend as he sang to her “…You’re Poison runnin’ through my veins!” I chuckled to myself as if he knew my pain! Thanks for relating Alice! Now onto the videos!

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol. 4: WWF’s Land of a Thousand Dances

Posted on September 1, 2008 by sexyarmpit

Sometimes I sit and wonder why I feel like I haven’t reached my full potential in life. Moments later it occurs to me that I could recite all the banter from “The Wrestling Album.”

Back when WWE was called The World Wrestling Federation, 1985 to be exact, not only was I pretending to dodge bullets from the Libyans’ van, but I was also playing the shit out of this album cut by all the WWF wrestlers. In between songs, Vince McMahon, Mean Gene, and Jesse “The Body” Ventura provided color commentary which made the album quite original. I used to pose in the mirror to “Real American” ( Hulkster’s theme but originally for the U.S Express’ Mike Rotundo and Barry Windham) dance around like a maniac to JYD’s “Grab Them Cakes,” and pretend I knew how to line dance when “Don’t Go Messin’ with a Country Boy” by Hillbilly Jim kicked in. And sure, I’ll admit that I used to listen to Jimmy Hart’s “Eat Your Heart Out Rick Springfield,” and Rowdy Roddy Piper’s catchy tune “For Everybody” incessantly.

So what, maybe I have a few of these songs on my iPod. I’m sure you have some incriminating shit on yours too. Some TMNT “Pizza Power” anyone? I’ll forgive that because at least mutated super hero turtles were involved. But Ini Kamoze’s Hotstepper and Right Said Fred? C’mon, it looks like you need some higher quality embarrassment so you better start downloading The Wrestling Album. You see, I don’t really care if someone’s in my car and my iPod starts to play the WWF wrestler’s version of Land of a Thousand Dances. You’d be surprised at what a blast it is. I used to stare at the album cover and pick out who was singing each line.

You’ll never see anything like this again. All the wrestlers were together, singing and clapping in tandem. It was like the WWF version of We Are the World only not for charity and the opposite of touching. So how does this tie in to New Jersey? Well, Piper goes off on The Goonies, The Iron Shiek spits, Bundy threatens to squash us with his Avalanche, and perhaps the greatest manager of all time Bobby “The Brain” Heenan brilliantly warns: “I’m gonna stretch ya from here to New Jersay!” (3:18) Look out for cameos by Meatloaf and Mona Flambe aka Cyndi Lauper! As Jesse “The Body” Ventura said: “I’m gonna crush ya and ill see you lata!”

Harrah’s Phone Sex Customer Service Center

Posted on August 15, 2008 by sexyarmpit

I experienced another strange moment in Atlantic City recently. I was attempting to cancel a reservation I had at one of the hotels so I got my card, glanced at the phone number, and dialed.
What I was expecting to hear was “Thank you for calling Harrah’s Entertainment reservation services” in an overly exuberant female voice. This is basically the one stop phone call you need to make if you need some customer service regarding the various Harrah’s owned hotels. To prove that this isn’t made up, that number is 1(800)473-9273. Being the inebriated guy that I was was that night I lackadaisically punched in 1(800) 473-9277 into my phone instead.

“mmmm get it hot and wet with the naughtiest girls around…ooooh just sit back relax and whip it out baby!”

I had quite a few Amstel Lights at that point and I lacked the proper amount of brain capacity to realize that I dialed the wrong number. Naturally, my mind had wandered a little bit.

“mmm uhhh all calls $1.99 – $5.99 per minute!”

Are they freaking out of their minds? Once the sexy voice elaborated on the pricing options “$7.99 for all one on one and virtual chat sessions,” that is when I felt like I was hit in the head with one of the phone sex operator’s giant dildos. But I actually wasn’t hit with it. It was actually the realization that I needed to be on the phone with Harrah’s, not some overpriced phone sex line. Harrah’s didn’t mention anything in their F.A.Q to beware of similiar phone numbers. It’s kind of like the guy who buys similiar domain names to the popular ones and hordes all of the erroneous traffic.

Is this sex line trying to prey on drunken Atlantic City goers? Are they assuming that they’ll misdial and fall into the trap of the $5.99 per minute phone sex line? Well, I didn’t fall for it, I snapped out of the “Dream Weaver” sequence that was going on in the cloud to the left of my head and immediately hung up. It’s common practice for me to scratch my head and say “What the hell?” when stuff like this happens. Most times when you dial the wrong number you wind up just getting some unsuspecting common person. This obviously is not the case when dialing the wrong number to a gambling establishment! They’ll suck you right in. There’s a lot of shmucky guys that would totally buy into that. Personally, I don’t need a phone sex line to assist me in my quest, especially when their charging such astronomical amounts of money! Up to $5.99 per minute? WTF? Gas per gallon isn’t even that much!

I bet every combination (look they got me..I just said “I bet”) of wrong #s to that service center will lead to 1) get yourself out of debt schemes, 2) timeshare sales 3) and more phone sex lines. Take my advice, don’t be weak and get sucked in. Go get sucked for real. If you don’t, you might wind up on the line with the woman at the end of the Aerosmith video!!!

I’ll have you know, this is not the first time this happened either! Click here to read about the last time this happened to me!

Hark the Hair Bands Sing!

Posted on December 13, 2006 by sexyarmpit

A friend of mine, Steve, once said that everything in my life ties back to Hair Bands. While my hair is the furthest thing from being “hair band” status, the hair band flavor runs deep within my soul. I don’t have much of a choice either because it’s something I grew up with. Hair Metal was all over MTV and on the radio when I was a kid. It just seemed like the culmination of pop and metal was a perfect mix. It was only an added bonus when they threw in the spandex, leather tassels, HUGE hair, and the uncomfortable closeups of the guys in the band creepily smiling at you through the television.

After years of being glued to MTV watching videos for hours, I’ve come to despise videos that have been made within the last ten years. The hair band video mentality was that of a party and the escapist themes sucked you right into the plot. Was Tawny Kitaen dancing for us? As far as I knew she was. Who cares if she was porking Coverdale. Was Bret Michaels a complete woman in the “I Want Action” video? Hell yes, but the guys weren’t paying attention to that because we actually rocked out to it. The women ate it up because for some reason women seem to be attracted to guys that look like women. Alas, it was a great time for music videos.

Nowadays I’d be hard pressed to find you a video that I actually enjoy unless its some wacky homage to the hair band era. The ones that are actually cool aren’t even shown on TV. If you have VH1 Classics you can catch alot of these bands, but I don’t have the time to watch for 18 hours to see the new Quiet Riot video. Luckily with the existence of official band websites, we can now enjoy great Hair Band videos online including the ones that are made TODAY!

If you like to dabble in the hair band scene, you must check out “Oh Come Oh ye Faithful,” the latest video from Twisted Sister which appears on their Christmas album. It hearkens back to the golden days of Hair Metal videos when no one gave a shit about anything but having a good time and checking out some hot ass. Whether you love the genre or not, the videos are completely over the top and much more entertaining than the majority of videos made in recent times.