NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 17: Eastside High School, Paterson NJ
EXXXOTICA NY comes to The NJ Expo Center 9/25 – 9/27!!!
Real Housewives of New Jersey with Jamie-Lynn Sigler
http://player.ordienetworks.com/flash/fodplayer.swf
Here’s a spoof on the abysmal show “The Real Housewives of New Jersey,” from www.FunnyorDie.com. The sketch stars Jamie-Lynn Sigler doing her best Marisa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny impression. I despise The Real Housewives of New Jersey show and any of its geographical variations, but this is hysterical and I hope it never disappears from the Internet.
Doritos Collisions: Cheesy Enchilada & Sour Cream
These may be old news to you, but the appearance of a different variety of Doritos Collisions at the nearest Hess Express store got me all pumped up. Obviously, Captain Lou Albano didn’t have to put me in an arm ringer to get me to try a new Doritos offering. After completing my bag rip/savor smell technique, I enjoyed this new flavor mash-up immensely, even though they don’t beat the original Nacho Cheese flavor.
Flavor accuracy on these Doritos are mediocre at best, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t phenomenal. Not many artificially flavored foods successfully replicate the taste of Enchiladas and Sour Cream, but if we needed at least one to meet a quota, that’s where these Collisions come in.
How does the Cheesy Enchilada and Sour Cream combination fare against the competition? They have easily edged out the frat fav. Hot Wings/Blue Cheese variety and they manage to tie it up with Zesty Nacho/Chipotle Ranch. The Enchilada flavored chips have a really nice kick to them, and the Sour Cream provides a creamier balance, so in that respect they are similar to the Hot Wings/Blue Cheese Collisions.
The title of best Collisions flavor still belongs to the Pizza Cravers/Ranch, but I’ve yet to test out the Habanero/Guacamole. Have you tried them? If so, let me know how they rate! You might as well weep for The Last Call Jalapeno Popper and Tacos at Midnight because they’d never be asked to appear in a shameless product placement moment in the upcoming, imaginary Wayne’s World 3.
NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 16: Retro DC T-Shirts
Fellow Jersey blogger Tommy Salami of Pluck You Too tipped me off to this weeks NJ T-shirt Tuesday offering. Tommy sent me the link to the Retro DC T-Shirt Shop which is run by Steve Jencks of the horror/b-movie blog Lost Highway: A Detour Through B-Movies and Cult Films. Steve is a versatile graphic designer who specializes in illustration, web design, and logo branding. Jencks has created many awesome T-shirts available online through his Retro DC T-Shirt Shop.
In addition to his other Zombie, Lost Highway, and Pinball Playtime designs, Jencks offers 2 New Jersey related T-Shirts. The first, “New Jersey ate my Neighbors,” features a graphic of a green, throbbing, one eyed monster reeling in a nice lady from the neighborhood. He gets hungry, can you blame him? The 2nd one is the “Jersey Devil Dark T-Shirt,” and it’s badass. The skeletal remains of the Jersey Devil look as if they are buried in the state like dinosaur fossils! It’s an original take on the Jersey Devil legend, one that I have yet to see, especially in t-shirt form!
The majority of shirts offered at Retro DC are available in a slew of different colors so you aren’t limited to the black ones I’m showing you here. Also, at the top of his online shop, Jencks mentions that you can contact him for your very own custom t-shirt design.
I was curious to find out if Steve Jencks is from Jersey because many people who aren’t from Jersey despise this state and would probably never spend the time designing a shirt inspired by the most toxic state in the U.S. Who can blame them? I was able to ask Jencks through his Twitter page (twitter.com/Losthighway) and his reply was “Nope, I’m not from Jersey, just a big fan. I love Weird NJ and all the legends. Hope to visit someday!” Right on Steve!
10 Things I Love About Rob Zombie’s Halloween
I’m shocked that Rob Zombie’s Halloween 2 didn’t fare too well at the box office this past weekend. Are people still skeptical about this beloved horror franchise being in Zombie’s demonic hands? I figured they would’ve gotten over that by now. Or is it just that moviegoers would rather watch crappy, uninspired retreads? If you saw Halloween 2 this weekend here’s my question to you: Would you have been more satisfied by a run of the mill Halloween film on par with every installment released from ’88 – ’02?
Zombie’s Halloween 2 didn’t live up to my expectations as a Halloween film nor as a Rob Zombie film. The film was well made, but the atmospheric tension and creepiness that the 1978 original had in abundance seemed to be tossed aside. Even Zombie’s first Halloween outing retained some of that mood. Halloween 2 didn’t even feature John Carpenter’s Halloween theme music until the end. This sequel served as an excellent follow up to Zombie’s Halloween reimagining, but not for the franchise as a whole.
In contrast to 2009’s Friday the 13th reboot, Zombie’s Halloween 2 seems to grant Michael Myers freedom to grow, whereas Jason Voorhees remains basically the same. Is that what we want? One dimensional horror icons? We want them to be what we expect them to be, nothing more, nothing less. They should kill, they should be scary, and they need to maintain a consistent look. In Halloween 2, that Shatner mask started to look like someone actually SHAT on it. Like in Nolan’s Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, every facet of the film is based in reality to help refresh Batman’s story and supply the franchise with endurance to last far into the future. Clearly, Michael Myer’s mask wouldn’t have stayed pearly white with all the schmutz he gets all over it. Zombie gave it a valiant effort, and no matter how derided, his vision for the Halloween films served to inject new life into the franchise.
To bring the greatness of Zombie’s first Halloween into focus, here’s a list of what made it so frigging cool.
10. Sherri Moon is ridiculously hot.
9. The opening scene blasts KISS’ “God of Thunder,” aside from the usual KISS songs, this underrated track hasn’t appeared in many films at all. Zombie deserves credit for having the balls to showcase it in his movie, which means he’s not embarrassed about being a KISS fan. White Zombie covered the song for an EP and on the VH1 Rock Honors Rob Zombie sang lead vocals on the track while joined by a supergroup including Ace Frehley, Slash, Tommy Lee, Scott Iian, and Gilby Clarke. Even young Michael Myers is wearing a KISS Destroyer t-shirt.
The KISS t-shirt is a sign of the times and it adds to the macabre tone. One of the underlying themes of the film involves Michael Myers’ reliance on masks to cover up his tortured soul, so it’s appropriate to make reference to KISS’ ghastly faces.
8. It’s clear that Malcolm McDowell was a fine choice for Loomis. McDowell puts a very different and interesting spin on the character. F-cking Shirtuckers!
7. Not taking anything away from the 1978 original since it’s the best film of it’s kind, but there’s more layers to this films story. We discover that Michael Myers has an Oedipus Complex which is ripe for dissection in film class.
6. Shit, I would have an Oedipus Complex too. Look. OMG. OMG.
5. In this film we come to realize that Michael Myers is quite a ladies man! Look how he fondles sister’s leg:
4. Ben Tramer = the male horror movie version of Gwendolyn Pierce. Ben Tramer must’ve been one dreamy heartthrob.
3. Annie Brackett (Danielle Harris) delivers the sluttiest line of the movie: “Do you want to f-ck me? Let me hear you say it.”
2. The doucher Paul (Max Van Ville) who Annie’s making out with follows that line up with “It’s so fucking warm” WTF??? Before that Annie scolded him for almost ruining her expensive sweater, “…hey, don’t pull it like that, you’re gonna stretch it all out! Stop it…this is expensive idiot!”
1. The who’s who list of cameos include Clint Howard, Sid Haig, Mickey Dolenz, Sybil Danning, Ken Foree, Dee Wallace, Bill Mosely, Leslie Easterbrook, Danny Trejo, Courtney Gains, and Adrienne Barbeau. That about covers every guest at your next horror convention.
If Dimension films wants to continue the exploits of Michael Myers at this point, they sure as hell can. Michael Myers always comes back, and at this point perhaps the fans would enjoy a more traditional take on the character. But after we’ve seen Zombie’s tragic and psychotic look behind Myers’ mask, would an archetypical Halloween film really impress us?
Bob The Goon: Jersey’s Number One Guy!
As if being known as a nondescript “henchman” was bad enough, Bob was known as ‘The Joker’s Goon,” or “Bob The Goon.” He was the highest level henchman The Joker had, hence “THEE GOON,” this guy wasn’t 2nd GOON or 6th GOON. That title was officially bestowed upon him when the Joker told Bob that he was his “Number One Guyyy.” Bob was a shabby man who looked as if he was freshly plucked from catching some zzz’s in a dumpster in a Crime Alley. Coming from those humble beginnings, having the Joker take him on as his henchman infused him with confidence. He felt like he could conquer the world, or at the very least, finally get his G.E.D. He was as loyal as they came, and he possessed a shimmer in his eye that showed us that a little part of him wished someday he could be half the criminal mastermind that The Joker is. He clung to that hope, even if it was all in vain.
When you’re down on your luck and you want some direction in your life, being the right hand to a super criminal like The Joker seems like an appealing and prestigious position. I’m almost positive The Joker didn’t offer any health benefits, and definitely no 401k. Perhaps dental? He did have one helluva smile. Love that Joker! In the case of Bob, The Joker granted him as much vacation time as he could ever possibly imagine when he blew him away point blank.
All other goons and henchman owe Bob a huge debt of gratitude for being such a superior role model. Bob was an icon, a go getter, and when he did hire a prostitute, he treated her with respect. It’s a shame that Bob was never able to take advantage of his fame. If he lived, he may have been able to ride the lucrative personal appearance circuit. Who wouldn’t want a B&W 8×10 of Bob signed “Bob, The Joker’s One and Only Muthaf–kin’ Goon!”
Bob The Goon was portrayed by Tracey Walter in the 1989 Batman film. It’s no secret that Jack Nicholson is a Jersey boy, but Walter also hails from the Garden State. He was born in Jersey City, NJ, and according to his IMDB bio, he “was working in a car parts store in Jersey City when he stumbled upon acting…” Walter’s impressive resume includes appearances in over 150 popular films and TV shows.
For more on Bob’s Toy Biz action figure, check out Cool Toy Review.
NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 15: Mickey Mouse Chillin’ in Jersey
WWE SummerSlam 1989 at The Meadowlands Arena
It was the year Indiana Jones went on his Last Crusade, it was also the year that brought us the sequel to Ghostbusters, and the first Batman movie since 1966. In the news we saw the Exxon Valdez Oil spill, Ted Bundy was executed in an electric chair, and the WWF was brave enough to stage their first pay per view event in the swamps of East Rutherford, New Jersey.
In my world, it wasn’t too soon after Summerslam ’89 that the ’80s wrestling blitz would begin to take a nosedive. I’ve been a loyal WWF/WWE fan since ’83, and never got caught up in the terrible mess that was WCW. Once the WWE proudly slid into 1990, it was obvious to true fans that the stories and ideas were beginning to run out of steam. Not to worry, because today we’re taking you back to ’89 when I was still a fan revelling in the drama and action created by these larger than life characters.
20 years ago, the 2nd SummerSlam marked the first time a live Pay Per View event would emanate from The Meadowlands Arena, then known as Brendan Byrne Arena. The Pay Per View intro was spectacular and made you want to jump into your TV set and inhale the exciting atmosphere. The SummerSlam music and logo graphics were the ones you got used to seeing, not some crazy trendy looking logo that bears no resemblance to the original and has no history tied to it like this years.
The Coliseum Video VHS copy of SummerSlam ’89 contains an intro that shows fans filing into the Meadowlands Arena, buying t-shirts, and a kickass little kid doing his best Ravishing Rick Rude impression. I was pissed when I bought the WWE SummerSlam Anthology DVD and this intro was completely cut out. Those minute details of the VHS release helped me remember the era. When the SummerSlam events were edited for the new Anthology, those scenes probably seemed unimportant and easily discarded. Seriously WWE, is saving 1 minute of time really that precious? The fans want the versions that they watched over and over again at home or rented from the video store, not some chopped up version. Thanks to YouTube member neilsmith207, we’re able to see the original introduction filmed in East Rutherford NJ.
For the first time since Rocky III, Hogan was on the big screen in No Holds Barred, which happened to be “the greatest movie of all time” if you asked me after I saw it. I remember my Dad taking me to the theater to see it, and it was such an event. My dad was quite a trooper when I was a kid, always taking me to WWE live events, fan festivals, and even shlocky movies starring Hulk Hogan and Kurt Fuller. WWE had a perfect opportunity to capitalize on the film’s feud between Tiny Lister and Rip (Hogan). WWE passed it off that Hogan and Zeus had real conflict on the set and it fell out into the WWE ring, making a perfect main event for SummerSlam. Hogan teamed up with his best bud Brutus The Barber Beefcake, to take on the fierce combo of The Macho King and Zeus with Sensational Sherri in their corner. To vote on the petition to get No Holds Barred onto an official DVD release, check out the bottom right of this page.
Jesse the Body Ventura and Tony Schiavone handled the commentary. Schiavone’s voice had energy and enthusiasm, but I still missed Heenan’s sarcasm and one liners, and Monsoon’s familiar voice and sayings like “it is deafening in here,” and “…the anticipation, you can cut it with a knife.”
Summerlsam 89 was a solid event that kicked off with The Hart Foundation vs. The Brain Busters, and followed up with Dusty Rhodes vs. The Honky Tonk Man. I had no interest in Dusty Rhodes when I was kid, I just didn’t get his shtick. He didn’t have that special sheen that Vince helped create in his wrestlers. Dusty was a guy from “that other company” that I only read about in the black and white pages of Pro Wrestling Illustrated. He sure got the crowd pumped up though. I just scratched my head when I saw an older, overweight bleach blonde guy wearing yellow polka dots dancing around in the ring. It didn’t make much sense to me. I think if I grew up in the ’70s I might understand his appeal. Thrown for a loop after losing the match and getting hit in the head with his own guitar, Honky Tonk cut one of his funniest promos ever, acting completely like Elvis trying to get to his concert. “Somebody help me find the stage!”
Undefeated Mr. Perfect takes on…yes…wait for it…”The Red Rooster” Terry Taylor! Remember what I was saying about the WWF’s nosedive? Even as a kid, I wasn’t thinking about math tests, or little league, I was thinking “what the cluck was wrong Vince McMahon letting this gimmick get on TV?” I knew something was amiss when I saw Terry Taylor poking his head forward and back like a rooster with his red spiked hair. What a debacle. I don’t know what was more unnerving to me even at that age, an overweight middle aged guy wearing yellow polka dots and a police hat, or the fact that they tried to put a guy over as a rooster. The late great Mr. Perfect won the match, and as Jesse the Body said, “Mr. Perfect stays Perfect.”
In six-man tag action, The Rougeau Brothers and Rick Martel with Slick and Jimmy Hart took on the action packed team of The Rockers and Tito Santana. Santana is one of the most underrated Superstars in WWE history, and now he owns a hair salon in NJ! The Rougeaus and Martel got the W.
Ultimate Warrior was interviewed about his heated feud with Ravishing Rick Rude and he had this to say: “…Ravishing Rick Rude as i promised you will surrender to the gods above as i beat you ONE, TWO, THREEE!!!” Rude entered the ring and grabbed the mic: “What I’d like to have right now is for all you fat, out of shape, SummerSlam sweathogs to keep the noise down while I take my robe off and show the ladies what a reeeaal sexy man looks like, hit the music…” Rude’s robe dropped to reveal The Warrior’s face on his airbrushed tights. During the bout, Rowdy Roddy Piper appeared at ringside and lifted his kilt to moon Rude. Warrior took advantage of a distracted Rude and won the Intercontinental belt back only to swing it over his head like a complete maniac. Careful, those things are like $300 bro.
Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Demolition? What a ragtag group that is. Demolition was so much more effective as heels. It doesn’t seem possible that these guys could subdue 3 behemoths such as Andre the Giant, Akeem, and Big Boss Man but they were going to try. Jesse The Body ranted about Duggan’s face paint: “how disrespectful to the flag of America to have it on that ugly face.” Duggan’s 2×4 sealed the deal and scored the win for Demolition and Hacksaw.
The match between Hercules and Greg Valentine was an excuse to beef up the heat between Ronnie Garvin (who was curiously serving as ring announcer) and Greg “The Hammer” Valentine. Unbeknownst to the ref, Valentine put his feet on the ropes to secure the pin and got the 3 count. Regardless, Garvin announced Herc as the winner. BTW- who greenlit the “Garvin Stomp?”
Superfly Jimmy Snuka took on The Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase. Snuka was counted out during a scuffle with Virgil on the outside of the ring.
According to Hogan in an interview with Mean Gene, he was on his way to the Meadowlands on his Harley, and his 24-inch pythons parted the Hudson River on his way to get onto I-95. Hogan and Brutus discussed their secret weapon and doing some struttin’ and cuttin’.
Miss Elizabeth was introduced to even the playing field. As soon as she entered the ring, Jesse Ventura buries Elizabeth and proves why he was the best color guy WWE ever had: “She’s a little gold digger, Randy Savage made her what she is today. She was a hashslinger down the street in Jersey.” The main event had a predictable, yet satisfyingly fun result. Hogan hit Zeus in the face with Sherri’s purse, then a body slam, and ended it with the leg drop for the win. Then Hogan hit Scary Sherri with an atomic drop, and as she stumbled, Elizabeth hit her in the face with Sherri’s own purse. Next, The Barber took his hedge clippers and snipped off the end of Sherri’s pre-cut hair extensions.