Sludge Central

Tawny Cypress is August’s Garden State Playmate

Posted on August 21, 2009 by sexyarmpit

heroes,tawny cypress,new jersey,point pleasant

When I first noticed Tawny Cypress on Heroes a few years ago, all I could think of was “There’s ANOTHER Tawny out there besides Tawny Kitaen?” Yes, it’s unfortunate, but I seriously thought that. Why should we all become more acquainted with Tawny Cypress? Unlike Kitaen, a typical California girl, Cypress hails from Point Pleasant, New Jersey and she’s appeared in an episode of one of the funniest shows ever, Stella. Perhaps she’s not as well known as Kitaen, but Cypress is exceedingly more sophisticated than a glorified hair metal groupie who made a habit of dancing on hoods of cars.

Cypress has built up a strong TV background starring in All My Children, Third Watch, Law & Order: SVU, and recently Rescue Me, while Kitaen has had a publicized cocaine habit and an affinity for domestic violence. Possibly working against Cypress is the fact that she doesn’t have an ’80s classic starring Tom Hanks on her list of credits, (Bachelor Party!) Now raise your hands if you remember The NEW WKRP in Cincinnati? Great! All 2 of you remember that show! Ironically, Tawny Kitaen played Mona, the smarty pants nighttime DJ. Cypress may not be a future Nobel Prize nominee like Kitaen, but she can back up her habit of snagging intellectual roles since she’s studied at Boston University, Westminster Choir College in Princeton, and Mason Gross at Rutgers University.

Tawny Cypress’ character Simone did her damnedest to get her boyfriend Isaac Mendez into rehab for his heroin addiction in the first season of Heroes while Tawny Kitaen appeared on the 2nd season of VH1’s Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. And once again, The Sexy Armpit poses the age old question to you, which are the more appealing qualities: class, sensuousness, and talent or starring in a RATT video and being a former love interest of O.J Simpson? You decide!

The Sexy Armpit appreciates Tawny Cypress for representing New Jersey! Not to take anything away from the lovely actress, but her brother is an accomplished comic book artist who has worked on Image Comics’ Jersey Gods! You can view his art right here at his blogspot page: http://tobycypress.blogspot.com

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 14: The New Jersey Giants

Posted on August 19, 2009 by sexyarmpit

Courtesy of XL3 Vintage Clothing

Last night the New York Giants won their first pre-season game against the Carolina Panthers at Giants Stadium. Depression sets in every time I watch a Giants game and I’m forced to fixate on that silly “NY” logo on the players’ helmets. Growing up in the ’80s, the Giants helmets simply read “GIANTS.” It was sleek and concentrated on the team name without any implication of geographical ownership. It’s a simple fact of life that the Giants will never change their name to the NY/NJ Giants, regardless of the fact that everyone in the country knows that their official headquarters, training facility, and home stadium are in East Rutherford, New Jersey. In a non-sports related argument, there’s no reason why a New York/New Jersey feud should even exist since their relationship is symbiotic. There’s no way the Giants would even exist without New Jersey, and their new stadium affirms that they’ll be sticking around for quite a long time.

During the ’80s and ’90s (and I’m sure it’s probably still happening) there were many bootleg “New Jersey Giants” shirts printed up. If you bought or wore one of these throughout the years, your fake boobs or juiced pecs were clinging to a lie. Wearing a shirt or an illegally created jersey that purported the Giants to be a New Jersey team was like falling in love with a girl who was already married. It’s a fruitless affair. New Jersey doesn’t want the Giants to be ours exclusively, we’re happy sharing Big Blue, but hell, we just want some credit! What’s the sense of having a fierce custody battle when we know that the Giants have lived in the swamps of New Jersey since ’76? I wonder how it would pan out if the Boston Red Sox stadium was actually in Rhode Island? The Rhode Island Red Sox has a better ring to it…and so does the Jersey Giants!!!

This shirt is a small, and it’s from the ’80s when everyone was the size of Napoleon, so I’d bet it’s only going to fit small children and girls without much in the boob department. Regardless, this sporty slice of retro heaven is ideal for those who love the G-Men, AND New Jersey!

To check out the listing click here: XL3VintageClothing.net

Superman Ultimate Flight: Six Flags Great Adventure

Posted on August 17, 2009 by sexyarmpit

This video makes me laugh.

Don’t let any of your friends who consider themselves “hardcore coaster enthusiasts” knock this ride because it’s one of the best in the park! It’s the closest I’ll ever get to flying, unless I score some peyote.

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.24: Donna Pinciotti’s Uncle from Hoboken

Posted on August 15, 2009 by sexyarmpit

“Plenty of classy men wear rings, Wayne Newton, the Pope, my Uncle Carmine from Hoboken…you lose his ring, you wake up in a dumpster! And that’s just a warning!”

Regardless of the era it’s set in, That ’70s Show is ageless. I can watch it on DVD, YouTube, or anytime it’s reruns are on TV. It was a comedy that succeeded thanks to its talented actors and writers who never let it get stale. There’s no way that I’d ever be able to pick a favorite episode, but one episode that sticks out in my mind for several reasons is Season 5’s 5th episode, “Ramble On (aka Promise Ring Redux).

Featuring the cast in a Super Friends parody, “Ramble On” also throws in a New Jersey reference! That ’70s Show was set in Wisconsin, so who woulda’ thought that Donna Pinciotti’s (Laura Prepon) uncle was from Hoboken?

The funniest line from this episode is when Red reprimands Eric about his man ring: “…well take it off, you look like some fruity magician!”

Fez compiments Eric on his man ring: “What’s not to like it’s hypnotic, it looks like you have super powers.” We then get to see Kelso have a momentary daydream where the cast enters into a full on parody of Super Friends with Red as Lex Luthor, Hyde and Jackie as incestuous Wonder Twins, Kelso as Batman, Eric as Superman, Donna as Wonder Woman, and Fez as Aquaman who wasn’t in this shot.

Honest Scrap Award from Enter The Man-Cave

Posted on August 14, 2009 by sexyarmpit

A big thanks to Geof at Enter The Man-Cave for awarding The Sexy Armpit and several other blogs the Honest Scrap Award!

Geof C. is a really cool guy who writes his posts from his kick-ass man cave. Topics discussed in the Man Cave are movie reviews, sports, and Geof’s personal experiences, among other amusing stuff.

Now it’s my turn to choose 9 other blogs to bestow this honor. It may not seem like a difficult task at first, but considering I read about 480,000 blogs a week, it was a little bit of a challenge.If I didn’t mention your blog that I doesn’t mean I love you any less! Thanks again to Enter The Man Cave! Stop over there and pay Geof a visit! Enjoy your weekend!

WIN A Klondike Bar and Michael Ian Black’s Book My Custom Van!

Posted on August 12, 2009 by sexyarmpit

In this post we hope you’ll learn a few life lessons like how to double knot your shoelaces, how to unscrew a cap from a 2-liter soda bottle, and how to enter to win a Klondike Bar, and as if that wasn’t sweet enough, we’ll throw in a copy of Michael Ian Black’s book, My Custom Van And 52 other Mind-Blowing Essays That Will Blow Your Mind All Over Your Face!!! Michael Ian Black grew up in New Jersey and isn’t afraid to admit it:

page 223 of My Custom Van as Black discusses Doritos

Here at The Sexy Armpit, the esteemed humorist Michael Ian Black is held in very high regard, and so are Klondike Bars. Smooshing the two of them together might be heavenly, yet kind of weird when you think about it. Black would probably get really cold and fairly sticky, not to mention that he probably won’t taste anywhere near as good as the thicker, chocolaty Klondike Bar does, (sorry ’bout that Michael). Plus, we’d have to shrink Black down so he wouldn’t be inordinately larger than the ice cream filled Klondike Bar.

The good people at Klondike have not only provided us with a coupon for a FREE Klondike Bar product but also a fine collection of entertaining “man on the street” sketches starring Michael Ian Black! What would you do-oo-oo for a Klondike Bar? It turns out, you don’t have to do all that much! Who needs an overly complicated giveaway anyhow? All you have to do to enter is view the set of 5 videos and tell us which one you like the best. The winner will be chosen at random and announced right here at The Sexy Armpit. Deadline to enter is 9/1/09.

To watch the videos go here: www.klondikebar.com/mancave and click on the TV set, then e-mail sexyarmpit@comcast.net which one you like the best.

While serving as Klondike’s man on the street, Black resides in “the library of treats” where he concocts cold, delicious Klontinis while being waited on by cute snack girls. It’s a life we can all envy. In case you haven’t heard about it, you can watch Michael Ian Black’s latest comedic exploits in Michael and Michael Have Issues, Wednesdays on Comedy Central.

As for Klondike Bars, they’re still cold chillin’ in the freezer section of the supermarket, but I wasn’t aware of the various flavors they’re now offering. My upcoming mission is to try the Oreo Cookies and Cream, Dark Chocolate, and Reese’s varieties of the Klondike Bar. If you’re trying to watch your girlish figure, then I suggest you pick up a pack of the no sugar added or 100 calorie versions. You can follow @The_Klondikebar on Twitter.

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 13: Bon Jovi at Giants Stadium 1989

Posted on August 11, 2009 by sexyarmpit

No joke: This shirt was $199 bucks on eBay. The auction offered free shipping though, as if that was any incentive to buy a 20 year old, used t-shirt.

Internet, oh Internet, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways! 1) you make it easier to pay my bills 2) you provide me with an occasionally biased, poorly edited, publicly written encyclopedia that has become the Britannica of the modern age. 3) you’ve made it so simple to find pornography at little or no cost to millions of men around the world (and excessively horny women…you know who you are!) 4) Where would we be without social networking sites? Actually speaking to each other on the phone, or better yet interacting with someone IN PERSON? OK, so the Internet is a blessing, but it’s also a curse because now we rely on it like a drug.

Above all of the aforementioned reasons why I love the Internet, the reason I love most is that we can find cool shit that isn’t for sale in any store, not even a thrift store or a flea market. You see, there are just some things that no one in their right mind would actually sell to you in person. That is where the Internet comes in. Places like eBay, Craigslist, and other auction sites have afforded us the opportunity to buy entire series bootlegs of TV shows that will never have even a minute chance of getting an official release. The Internet, and Google has opened up doors for us that lead to toys from our childhood that mysteriously disappeared from our den when we were young, only for us to find out that our father’s got rid of them so we can grow up and become men. You want Castle Grayskull mint in box? eBay! How the f-ck does someone still have that, you ask? Well, I have no idea because I ask myself that same question.

Where do our old hand-me-downs wind up? Remember that Kiss Animalize tour shirt you wore constantly back in ’84? Well, you can buy it on eBay for upwards of $200! Who would spend that kind of scratch on an old ratty, smelly, shirt that’s probably been soaked in someone elses beer puke once or twice? There’s someone out there who will, I guarantee it! Would you spend it on that Bon Jovi t-shirt that you had from their homecoming concert at Giants Stadium back in June of ’89? Even if it was a special shirt produced and sold that night only?

Even at their height of success, Bon Jovi was never known to have the best concert t-shirts. Proving that statement is the Jovi tee pictured above, created for their ’89 concert in East Rutherford. The graphic on the front of the shirt begs to be discussed. The first noticeable flaw is that Jon Bon Jovi is clearly not “Giant-Man: the all Mighty and Powerful Rock God.” It’s not humanly possible that all 5 foot 5 of Jon Francis could dwarf Giants Stadium! C’mon people! Whoever drew this must’ve been mistakenly drawing Jon Mikl Thor in Rock and Roll Nightmare, because Jon Bon Jovi is not that Herculean. I also had no idea Jon was the Intercontinental Champion, either that or he’s wearing a gold encrusted chastity belt. Dear Jon Bon Jovi, The Sexy Armpit wishes you good luck in defending rock and roll in East Rutherford, New Jersey from all the evil creatures attempting to stop you from playing your concert.

For more vintage, overpriced concert tees check out Power Seller “stormcrow-vintage.”

atom-bomb Bikini, the lurid art of Robert Ullman

Posted on August 10, 2009 by sexyarmpit

Sure, reading is fundamental, but it makes me doze off, so finishing an entire book is usually a challenge, unless it’s a book of full color art by Robert Ullman. Atom-Bomb Bikini, The Lurid Art of Robert Ullman compiles Ullman’s fun, retro styled eye candy into a nice, compact hardcover that may as well be a Little Golden Book for the adult admirer of humorous, and occasionally perverse “cute girl” art.

Ullman, who’s been reviewed on BoingBoing.com, maintains a blog here on Blogger. I discovered Ullman’s art through a Google search about 2 years ago. I felt I hit the jackpot when I clicked over to his blog since his art style is right up my alley. His site showcases his art as well as personal appearances and other exploits.

If any of the following appeals to you, then you’ll appreciate Ullman’s work: comic book style pinup girls, superhero chicks, girls in sports jerseys, boobies, and of course…BIKINIS!!! If you’re against nudity for some reason, don’t worry, it’s done so tastefully that it’s hard not to love it.

Ullman has an extensive body of work, much of which is collected in book form and for sale in his online store. I chose this book as the first to add to my collection because of it’s high quality. It’s hard cover and glossy pages make this book well worth the money, not to mention the content inside. Throughout the book, you’ll find everything from Star Wars characters to Batman and Robin, sandwiched in between tons of cute girls not wearing much at all. There are a few black and white pages but they’re still quite amusing so it’s not a big deal. If you can make it to the back of the book without drooling too much, you’ll be treated to several pages of truly phenomenal and sexy sketches. I was never a huge fan of sketches because I always felt, why look at a sketch if you can look at the finished product, but Ullman’s sketches obliterated that idea.

For more on Robert Ullman and to buy his books go to http://rkullman.blogspot.com/

I figured this one was highly appropriate for The Sexy Armpit

WWE Hell in a Cell Comes to The Prudential Center

Posted on August 7, 2009 by sexyarmpit

This photo of the Prudential Center appeared on WWE.com today

WWE brings their brutal pay per view, Hell in a Cell, to the Prudential Center in Newark, New Jersey on October 4th, 2009. The main event of Hell in a Cell takes place in a massive, roofed steel cage. Stars from Raw, Smackdown, and ECW will compete at the event. The last time WWE broadcasted a live pay per view from New Jersey was Summerslam 2007 at the Continental Airlines Arena in East Rutherford, which wasn’t as impressive as I hoped. I’m sure Hell in a Cell will squash the lame aftertaste Summerslam ’07 left.

Tickets go on sale this Saturday morning through Ticketmaster, but you may have been one of the lucky people to get in on the pre-sale that happened this week. The Sexy Armpit will be ringside for Hell in a Cell, the first ever WWE pay per view event to emanante from the 2 year old arena.

The Prudential Center shares a common nickname associated with WWE, “The Rock,” is not only Dwayne Johnson’s former moniker, but also refers to The Prudential Center as well.

For more info check out the official press release at The Prudential Center’s website.

Joe Piscopo on New Jersey

Posted on August 6, 2009 by sexyarmpit

Click the above link to go to The History Channel’s set of “States” videos where you can see Joe Piscopo’s thoughts on New Jersey and his impression of Rodney Dangerfield.