Friends With Benefits (2011) Review

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Dylan and his father, pants-less, eating in Newark Liberty Int’l Airport

Friends With Benefits was just an excuse to maximize Timberlake’s on-screen butt time. Will Gluck really sold out. I expected a lot more out of him. Many of you are probably thinking, “Who the hell is Will Gluck?” and rightfully so. Unless you are film fanatic or someone who pays close attention to film director’s resumes, that name probably passed you by.

Sold out sounds so cliche, but it’s what Gluck did to a degree. The director was hired to make a larger budget movie with big name stars. Too many writers spoil the script and in the case of Friends With Benefits, it took 3 people to write the story, and Gluck and 2 other writers to write the screenplay. Seriously? And even with all those writers, it was all just a bunch of romps in the sack.

If a movie company was throwing obscene amounts of cash at me to make a movie exactly the way they wanted it, I’d do it too. Gotta make a living, right? Gotta pay for that new hot tub. Gotta buy that hot new Acura NSX. Gotta build that reputation in order to make more Hollywood crap. You go Gluck! I genuinely loved Fired Up, his cheerleading comedy, and Easy A with Emma Stone, but in terms of freshness I give this an Easy F. His previous films were creative and current, yet Friends is exactly what you’d expect from a romantic comedy…not much.

Friends really wants to mean something to the teens and twenty-somethings of this generation, but it’s ultimately just corporate garbage. It’s another “insert hot young star here,” and “insert another sex scene there.” Why was there 2 flash mob scenes? TWO!!! The film’s finale desperately wanted to be poignant and as memorable as when Lloyd Dobler held up his boom box in Say Anything. There’s a reason why you know that scene even though you may never have seen the movie and that’s because because it was a meaningful scene that reflected the time and has since been parodied to death. Is wooing a girl via flash mob going to be looked at the same way 20 years down the road?

Mila Kunis is certainly hot and Timberlake is truly talented but commingling them didn’t ignite any spark. Much like the embarrassing Love and Other Drugs, if you watch Friends With Benefits in mega high speed it would just look like a series of awkward sex scenes. If your Grandparents saw this movie they’d say “What are ya watchin’, porno ya pervert?!?!” It’s the typical Hollywood formula featuring a hot male actor to grab the girl moviegoers and a sexy young female star to lure in dopey guys like me. They had me at Jackie from That ’70s Show. Boy did I fall for it.

It wasn’t all boner pissing though, Friends with Benefits did deal with some serious issues. Although I had a barf bag next to me the whole time, I appreciate how the Alzheimer’s angle was handled. Unfortunately, it seemed conveniently shoehorned into the script in order to give some human qualities to its characters. The best scene of the movie is when Timberlake takes his pants off and joins his father (who’s afflicted with Alzheimer’s and has his pants off) at a restaurant for a steak dinner in Newark Liberty International Airport. I can watch Mila Kunis stare blankly into space and be content for an hour, but this scene actually had some depth.

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DYLAN: “You have a boat?!?!”
TOMMY: “I live in Jersey and I ain’t takin’ no ferry…unless it’s out to dinner and a show!”

I always enjoy Woody Harrelson and this time around was no exception. He excels in random supporting roles and here he played a gay online sports journalist who constantly advertised his love of men’s genitalia. He also takes his boat across the river back to New Jersey where he lives which kicks ass because he doesn’t have to sit in traffic.

Friends with Benefits should be a sequel to The Breakup where Vaughn and Aniston really do just become friends after their breakup and one thing leads to another and they each lose their jobs at different times while the other is still working and since they aren’t dating anyone they have to angle to get put onto the others health benefits. Listen, it may sound ridiculous now, but when Universal green-lights it in 2 years you’ll be having deja-vu. But, in all seriousness, I spent the whole movie wishing that it turned into the kooky love story of Andy Samberg and Emma Stone who actually appeared in the beginning of the film. It would’ve been so much more Glucking awesome.

Did You Buy a Crummy Christmas Tree?

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yaCYIKwavY?rel=0]

You may not have known that Newark NJ native Fred “And bring your jukebox money” Schneider of the B52’s has a side band called The Superions. The song “Crummy Christmas Tree” appears on the whimsical synth pop act’s 2010 Holiday album called Destination…Christmas! We used to call them Charlie Brown Trees but “Crummy” is definitely another way to describe one.

Batman, A Jersey Boy?: The Sexy Armpit on Star Ledger Live!

Check out this awesome article from Brian Donohue that gives us a phenomenal shout out!

Although I don’t wear a cape (well…not on a daily basis, but probably bi-monthly), I AM on a crusade so I guess that would make me a sort of occasional caped crusader. If you are a frequent visitor to The Sexy Armpit you already know that my goal is not to rid the Jersey streets of crime and supervillains, but to bring to light New Jersey pop culture.

Previously on the site, I’ve written about my stance that Batman’s Gotham City is actually in New Jersey. After seeing my article and realizing that The Dark Knight rises would be filming in Newark, Brian Donohue, the host and reporter of Star Ledger/NJ.com’s Ledger Live online show, asked me if I’d be interested in being a guest on the show to defend my case.

Brian and his Ledger Live show along with other members of The Star Ledger and NJ.com have put together an incredible barrage of coverage on this awesome pop culture moment in NJ history. I never thought we’d be lucky enough to have the Batman franchise film mere miles away from Sexy Armpit Headquarters! And to think that my best friend Frank and I used to pretend our basements were our batcaves and we fought imaginary villains all over the neighborhood! 20 some odd years later, it’s official! After the Dark Knight Rises in summer 2012, Newark will forever be connected with Batman and Gotham City.

Being on The Ledger Live show was a lot of fun and I was able to take a little tour of The Star Ledger which is a New Jersey media institution. A big thanks to Brian and Bumper from Ledger Live for having me on! I am very appreciative that after 8 years of working on this site that The Sexy Armpit has been recognized as the best NJ Pop Culture blog!

Photos from the filming in Newark courtesy of NJ.com:
http://photos.nj.com/4504/gallery/the_dark_knight_rises_in_newark/index.html

Gotham City Subway map:
http://www.nj.com/ledgerlive/index.ssf/2011/11/gotham_city_subway_map.html

Further video from The Dark Knight film shoot:
http://videos.nj.com/star-ledger/2011/11/newark_becomes_gotham_city_dur.html

It Will Be A DARK KNIGHT In The Old Town Of Newark

PhotobucketGotham is now truly in New Jersey. Next Thursday and Friday, The Dark Knight will be filming on Broad Street in Newark. Both City Hall and the Military Park Station will be utilized. New Jersey’s largest city will receive over $40,000 for the use of City Hall. Newark residents and shop owners are being told to expect extensive delays around the city and downtown. The Dark Knight Rises has also filmed scenes in Pittsburgh and New York. The next Batman installment will hit theaters in July 2012.

Many mainstream news articles about The Dark Knight Rises filming in Newark mention that Gotham was based off New York City, and while that is probably true, there is also documented proof that Gotham was once (and sometimes still is) considered to be in New Jersey. Read the previous Sexy Armpit post about Gotham City being in New Jersey:

Classic WWF/WWE Event Cards From New Jersey #9: Hell in a Cell

Hell in a Cell 2009 - New Jersey

A sub par, 2 year old pay per view event is by no means a classic, but that’s the name of the column so I’ll work within it’s confines. On the night of October 4th, 2009, WWE wrestlers also worked within confines, but not of a blog column, instead they were closed inside of a 20 foot high steel cell. It all went down at the Prudential Center in Newark, NJ. It was the first Hell in a Cell Pay Per View event and also the first WWE PPV to emanate from the home arena of the New Jersey Devils.

Tickets were pricey considering that the card didn’t excite me at all. Regardless, I knew I wanted to be part of the historic event. I questioned what the hell the company was doing when they announced DX vs. “The Legacy” Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase as one of 2 main events of the night. There was no way that should’ve been the last match. Of course, DX won so it was a good ending to the show, but at least have a title match as the main event. 
What’s worse is that the Cena vs. Orton matchup happened AGAIN, since that was during the time that they wrestled on every WWE TV show, every Pay Per View, and just shoved those two guys down our throats for a freakin’ year. Orton won the title from Cena, which was a crowd pleaser, but what should’ve been the last match was actually the first match of the night. In a bizarre move that I’m sure a wrestling insider could provide me with the reasoning behind it, The Undertaker took on C.M Punk for his world heavyweight championship in the opening match. I was so pissed when I realized this match was actually happening first.
I was following this feud on Smackdown like crazy and it was one of the best story lines they had going in a long time. Punk was in top form during his promos and there was an old school Undertaker promo quality to it also. When I heard Punk’s music hit I was hoping he was just coming out to draw some heat and boy was I wrong! Since Undertaker was on the poster for the event and the fact that he’s one of the superstars fans think of when they think of Hell in a Cell, this match should’ve been last. Taker won the World Heavyweight Championship – a big win that should have properly capped off an event called HELL IN A CELL and paid respect to the phenom!
Morrison retained the Intercontinental title against Dolph Ziggler. It’s a shame that 2 years later these guys are still languishing. They are not excelling to the levels they should be, whereas a guy like Sheamus is already one of the biggest stars in the industry in a shorter amount of time. Mickie James retained her Divas championship against Alicia Fox in an abysmal, sleep inducing match. Jeri-Show beat Batista and Rey Mysterio to keep their unified tag team titles. Drew McIntyre beat R-Truth, and Kofi Kingston defeated The Miz and Jack Swagger in a triple threat match for the U.S Championship. Overall, the DVD of Hell in a Cell is a little flat, and the commentary was unenthusiastic, but offers superbly produced recaps of the events leading up to each match as WWE always does. It was a disappointing event, but hey…at least I got this cool chair that collects dust in my kitchen!

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Simon Cowell’s X-Factor at the Prudential Center in Newark

The X-Factor in Newark New Jersey



Reality shows bothered me since the first ever Real World on MTV aired in 1992. I’ll admit that I was into the first few seasons of American Idol, but then I dropped off like an Acme anvil over a cartoon cliff. Reality shows killed sitcoms and that is why I will forever hate them. “Give me Webster, or give me Death!” – Me.

My built in hatred of reality shows had me disgusted as soon as I heard that Simon Cowell was bringing The X-Factor to the U.S. There’s no need for another televised singing competition. Think about it, when did you watch Star Search? I remember flicking channels and seeing it when nothing else was on and I was bored out of my skull. Usually it aired at some weird time, like 1:00 PM on a Sunday. Nope, not X-Factor. I’m sure it will be front and center in Fox’s fall lineup.

The Sexy Armpit attended The X-Factor auditions held last night at the Prudential Center in Newark, NJ. After waiting outside for an hour in 95 degree heat on a line nearly as long as one for a Justin Bieber kissing booth, we were finally let into the building. From there we were told to choose our own seats, a task that could’ve turned into mass chaos, but went surprisingly smooth.

The M.C, who happened to be a Jersey guy, went through his shtick and told us NOT to BOO the singers. WHAT? Isn’t that what we all do at home when watching these lame shows? If we don’t like someone we should be able to communicate that. I hear the Idol audience booing all the time. Aw, how sweet, The X-Factor is being all tender and compassionate. Simon Cowell is running the damn show! Simon, you better not have instituted this stupid no Booing policy.

The judges, Simon, Paula, Nicole Scherzinger, and L.A Reid, all walked out to their table in a swirl of lights and maniacal applause to Guns N Roses “Live and Let Die.” Simon wasn’t nearly as entertaining as he was on Idol, hopefully it’s because it was merely the audition phase. Paula’s responses were still all over the place, but more constructive. Nicole sounded like she was stoned out of her mind on crystal meth. Everything she said sounded like she was on a higher plane of existence. Maybe she was nervous since it was her first time judging on the show. L.A Reid was actually the best part because he cut to the chase. He’s an icon of the music business and someone who can provide an expert perspective to the singers.

Did they find any talent in Newark, NJ? Hell yeah they did! Some of the singers actually thrilled the audience to the point of standing ovations. One Brooklyn woman resurrected Billy Vera’s “At This Moment,” and blew the roof off the Pru Center. Needless to say, she made it through as did many other superb singers, many of whom hailed from The Garden State. But don’t you worry, there were enough laughable performances to drop into those promos that will suck you into watching the show.

Lady GaGa Likes THE BOSS

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Zz5wxYj7RY?rel=0]
Lady GaGa’s enthralling Monster Ball Tour stopped at the Prudential Center in Newark on April 22nd, 2011 and The Sexy Armpit was there to witness the spectacle. Since I previously saw GaGa in Atlantic City, I wasn’t surprised when I saw her dramatic Monster Ballads type performance of “You and I,” during which she pounded away on the keys of her flaming piano, even occasionally foregoing her fingers to use her stiletto heel. She usually dedicates “You and I” to someone and this night it went out to her grandfather, a New Jersey native. I’m glad that YouTube member music4life324 captured GaGa’s intro to this song because here GaGa elaborates on her other associations with New Jersey. GaGa always makes it well known that she’s from New York, but it’s interesting to see how many New Yorkers have plenty Jersey connections as well.
Even several years after her debut, GaGa is still winning fans over. Recently, HBO premiered their presentation of The Monster Ball Tour taped at Madison Square Garden. Even the queen of glam rock on the Internet, Allyson from Bring Back Glam recently described GaGa’s latest video for “Judas” as “Metal,” and I fully agree. Of course there was a barrage of comments left on her post, many of which took exception to putting the pop icon in this category. Unfortunately, there aren’t many rock or metal bands who are badass enough to be called METAL nowadays! Isn’t it sad when our pop icons have more metal attitude in their petite 5’1 firecracker of a body than most actual metal bands today? I’ll take GaGa’s stiletto heels, pyro, and exposed butt cheeks any day.
It’s also pretty cool to know that GaGa knows who the BOSS is and I’m not talking about Judith Light. Many of the tracks on GaGa’s latest album “Born This Way” (available today) are influenced by Bruce Springsteen. She even had “The Big Man” Clarence Clemons do a guest spot on “Edge of Glory.” The following GaGa quote from an article on Billboard.com is taken from an upcoming MTV documentary, Inside the Outside, airing 5/26:

“Springsteen had such an influence on our home,” she says. “My father gave me, I believe it was for Christmas, a Bruce Springsteen songbook for the piano and on it was ‘Thunder Road,’ which is my favorite Bruce Springsteen song. My dad said, ‘If you learn how to play this song we will take out a loan for a grand piano, a baby grand.’ So I remember it was the hardest thing for me. I was playing these huge (classical) pieces, like 15 pages long, … and then there was this Bruce Springsteen song. I opened up the book and there was like chords, guitar chords. I was so confused. I didn’t understand it, so I just started to read it and eventually, eventually I got it down.” – Lady Gaga Reflects on Springsteen Influence for ‘Inside the Outside’ Doc by Phil Gallo 5/18/2011 Billboard.com

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.54: Hatchet

Hatchet NJ DMV
Samuel Barrat a.k.a Shapiro Driver’s License in HATCHET

In Hatchet (2006), the character of the pseudo filmmaker scumbag Shapiro (Joel Murray) was somewhat of a genius if you ask me! Shapiro went around with a video camera recording hot “Girls Gone Wild” type exploits of Misty and Jenna who frequently flashed their goods to the camera.

Shapiro convinced airhead girls that he was a film producer so he could amass his own little porn collection. He was basically a hornball whose name really wasn’t Shapiro after all. There’s nothing worse than a guy who goes around calling himself a filmmaker when he’s actually never worked on an actual film before, but I guess I can let it slide since low budget porn does actually count.

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“So he really didn’t work for Bayou Beavers?” – Misty

In this quick scene, Ben (Joel Moore) finds Shapiro’s wallet. Inside there was an American Excess credit card, $10 bucks, a condom, and a couple of business cards. Ben also pulls out his drivers license to discover that he’s really Samuel Barrat from Newark NJ! He must have been pretty desperate for girls to film if he had to travel all the way down to New Orleans. We also find out that Barrat is a senior marketing manager for Whitman Diagnostics located in Hoboken, NJ. Of course, that was before Victor Crowley made him a headless marketing manager.

Hatchet Shapiro
Northeastern areas of NJ have the (201) area code

Star Killer Causes a Stellar Explosion in Newark

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xhnv2vbKVcw?rel=0]

Crime was the least of my worries on Saturday night as I ventured to QXT’s in Newark NJ to check out the NYC industrial metal band Star Killer in their first official New Jersey appearance. Lead singer Jasin Cadic grew up in New Jersey, so putting on a show for us here in his home state was a priority.

For over 20 years QXT’s has been the only club in the area where you could hear new wave, goth, 80s, industrial, and punk all in the same venue. As a lifelong Jersey resident, one of the reasons why I never went to the club wasn’t because of the crime in Newark, it was mostly because I doubted that I’d fit in. I listen to the genres of music that their DJ’s spin but visually I always figured I’d have to show up looking like I was the lead singer in a Cure cover band. But, upon hearing that Star Killer would be playing a show at QXT’s I threw all my apprehensions out the window because I knew I had to see them live. For months and months I’ve been listening to their EP (which is available HERE for a limited time free of charge) on my iPod and looking at a few videos from YouTube of shows that went down elsewhere. It was New Jersey’s time to feel the power of Star Killer live, and damn it was a spectacle.

I was in luck, it was superhero night at QXT’s. Glowing lights drenched the scantily clad Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy who were dancing all up on each other. It seemed like a typical night for them, although there was no trace of Batman anywhere. There were other girls dressed as characters from the film Kick-Ass as well as a couple of female Robins too. Holy supertight latex Batman!

As we arrived at the bar I noticed our female bartender’s costume. “Black Spiderman, right?” I asked her. “NO! VENOM!” she snapped back at me dumbfounded that I didn’t know who she was supposed to be dressed like. The Sexy Armpit cut her some slack and decided that her blood wasn’t made up of geekoglobin like mine and she was probably unaware of the origin of Venom. When she bought the costume I’m sure it said “Sexy Venom Costume” because every costume for a girl is “Sexy,” but this one really looked more like your basic black Spiderman costume from Secret Wars. Too confusing for untrue believers. Nevertheless, she was completely attentive and appreciative of her tips. My partner in crime for the night, Money Marc and I hung out and soaked in the scene until Star Killer finally stormed the stage.

Just before it was announced that the band was about to go on there were a few people who trickled out to the offshoot rooms in QXT’s. They really missed out because Star Killer stunned the crowd. For those in attendance who stayed to check them out, it was obvious from their banging heads and lots of crowd feedback that they liked what they were witnessing.

Star Killer’s aggressive onslaught of industrial metal featured songs that are immediately memorable and always get me pumped such as their single “As The Sky Is Falling.” As he introduced the song, singer Jasin Cadic even gave a shout to The Sexy Armpit for being big supporters of the band which was pretty f*cking awesome of him. The stage was lit up with green lasers and blue and red lights as Star Killer tore into many songs from their EP as well as an incredible cover of Joan Jett’s “I Hate Myself For Loving You.” If you are as unsure about getting into a new band as I was about heading to QXT’s, get over it and download their EP now! Star Killer will definitely appeal to hard rock and metal fans, especially those who are into Nine Inch Nails, Marilyn Manson and Korn. Click Here for our full review of Star Killer’s debut EP 

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvQYNy7geXE?rel=0]

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.50: Miracle on 34th Street

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MACY: “Well, we can cover the country too. Notify our stores in San Francisco, Atlanta, Toledo, and Newark to get going right away.”
This scene in 1947’s Miracle on 34th Street shows R.H Macy rattling off several store locations from his empire. In retaliation against Gimbel’s, Macy instructs a couple of his employees to expand the new referral policy that Kris Kringle started because it created so much customer loyalty and positive publicity for them.   
When I watch movies like Miracle on 34th Street and A Christmas Story every Christmas season, I find myself in awe of the department store scenes. Shopping in department stores back in the 1940’s seemed like such a larger than life experience in comparison to the horrific battles encountered at Targets and Wal-Marts around the country. If you were a kid back then, the wondrous store front displays were of utmost importance because they provided the chance to scope out all the toys that you might put on your Christmas list. Macy’s in New York still attracts huge lines to view their store window spectacle during the holidays, but there isn’t really anything that grand in New Jersey. 

In the above scene, the Newark location Macy mentions is actually a Bamberger’s, which was one of the premiere department stores in New Jersey. It was founded way back in 1893 and their flagship store was built in Newark in 1912. In 1929, Macy’s bought Bamberger’s, but it wasn’t until 1986 that they were officially rebranded as Macy’s. In addition to malls across The Garden State, Bamberger’s operated stores in Morristown, Plainfield, and Princeton as well as in New York, Pennsylvania, Delaware, and Maryland. An anonymous comment posted at The Department Store Museum blog summarizes exactly what Bamberger’s was: “Jersey’s version of Macy’s…”

Check out the Bamberger’s post at The Department Store Museum which offers pictures and info on many of their New Jersey locations. Also, several facts in this post were taken from the Bamberger’s Wikipedia entry.