Gondry – Be Kind, Don’t Ruin The Green Hornet!

I have to admit, I wasn’t quite sold on Michel Gondry after seeing Be Kind Rewind. Certainly, that doesn’t mean I dissapprove of him being at the helm of next year’s Green Hornet film. Gondry chose to set Be Kind in New Jersey and in my world that’s like a Julius Erving baseline scoop even if the film sucks. Want proof? I spent over an hour writing about Dark Ride.

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“…she couldn’t get the doors open.”
In Be Kind Rewind, the “odd couple” buddy team of Mike (Mos Def) and Jerry (Jack Black) put their heads together to figure out how to save Mr. Fletcher’s (Danny Glover) dilapidated old corner video store in Passaic, NJ from being turned into the town’s newly constructed center of commerce.

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“…Look, i just want to improve the life of people in Passaic, that’s all.”

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“…you must never slam the door or the building will collapse?”

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Mike gets electrocuted while attempting to disable an electrical plant that’s apparently melting his brain, and then walks into the video store. His proximity to the rental tapes erases them all. In reaction, Mike and Jerry have a novel idea to record their own films and rent them out to customers. The “sweded” versions as they’re known as, inadvertantly get so popular with the customers from around town that they begin raising alot of money to save the store. Unfortunately, the amount of money raised wasn’t nearly enough to save the store.
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Mike and Jerry replicate a scene from Ghostbusters as they bolt through the doors of the Passaic Public Library
Be Kind Rewind sparkled only occassionally and ultimately failed to showcase the skills where Gondry excels (see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind). The plot to Be Kind Rewind was inventive, but stock in many ways. Gondry used several typical movie conventions but I was expecting a far more cryptic affair considering Gondry’s innovative rep. Mike and Jerry could’ve been trying to save Average Joe’s Gym in Dodgeball or the South Harmon Institute of Technology (S.H.I.T) in Accepted. This scenario is overused, but otherwise the film was light, and enjoyable. It’s not one I’d watch multiple times though. Was Gondry attempting to win the mainstream? The film is not without merit, but the New Jersey backdrop is what turned me on the most.
The Green Hornet From Sony Pictures
Gondry had previously worked on a Green Hornet script around 1990. He wanted to be involved in the latest project so badly that Seth Rogen, in an interview with MTV, revealed: “To convince the studio to let him do it, he filmed a fight scene on his own.” Rogen expressed his awe of the short, action packed footage which leaves me with peace of mind. Hopefully Gondry will muster up all that avant-garde talent he’s got and use it to assemble a truly standout action film about the green cloaked vigilante. I trust that we Green Hornet fans are in good hands.
To many people, Seth Rogen seemed to be an odd choice at first. I feel like the team on this film must be inspired by the characters and the story of GH to come out with their Hornet Sting’s blazing. They are banking on a character who was popular in the golden age of radio, and during the ’60s when superhero campiness was at an all time high. Just like Evan (Michael Cera) says in Superbad: “I’m not too worried about it, really. I wouldn’t worry about it. Don’t worry about it. I’m not worried at all.” If you’re still worried after that, just keep in mind how much Rogen seems to have slimmed down for the role of Britt Reid/GH since he was announced. He looked as if he was never even a chubster at the Academy Awards last week, so perhaps he will fit through the door of Black Beauty after all!

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Film Review: The Spirit

“…I guess you guys aren’t ready for that yet…but your kids are gonna love it!” – Marty McFly, Back to the Future (1985)

It looks like the public just wasn’t ready for an over the top spectacle like The Spirit. Screw The Dark Knight for ruining chances of another comic book themed film achieving any sort of success! I am fresh off seeing The Spirit and my first reaction is that it traveled right over people’s heads. The storytelling in the film isn’t typical, and it’s appearance isn’t easy to adjust to, but I found these aspects enhanced what might’ve otherwise been a generic film based on a lesser known comic book character. 
Gabriel Macht was a perfect choice for The Spirit, and pretty much seems like he could play ANY super hero for that matter and knock the role out of the ball park. The role was campier than I expected, but also serious, and thankfully not too serious. For guys at least, the eye candy is tremendous. We get to see Eva Mendes and Scarlett Johansson (among others) glam it up in old school style as they fog up the screen seductively. If you’re not convinced yet, The Spirit contains one HOT fleeting Eva Mendes ass-shot which I found to be highly agreeable. But if for some reason you’re not into hot ass shots and Scarlett Johansson’s voluptuous…uh…lips, then by all means, go and enjoy the fine work of Samuel L. Jackson as The Octopus! Even though Samuel L. will be Samuel L. whether he’s playing Jules Winnfield or Mace Windu, it really doesn’t matter because he’s just a lot of fun to watch because he enjoys his job so much. 
Don’t go into it expecting Superman, or Iron Man, because this is a very different film. The Spirit is highly stylized and at first you aren’t sure if you’re supposed to laugh or cringe. When in doubt, laugh! This is a movie based off a comic book dammit! I’ve read critics’ reviews that have bashed this film for every detail including “I didn’t like the fact that The Spirit had to punch Octopus so many times.” Are you kidding me? If you can’t handle how a comic book would look on the big screen, then don’t waste your time. This is a comic book movie etched in retro style that isn’t brooding and marinated in realism, so if that appeals to you, I suggest you see The Spirit before it disappears from theaters. Well, I’m not pressuring you to go to the theater of course, especially since the DVD will probably get released in a few weeks. Still, I plunked down the cash to see it and I’ll definitely be shelling out more when it hits on Blu-Ray.

Nocturna Mission #4

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As part of my 4th Nocturna Mission, let’s take a look at Detective Comics #547 from February, 1985. 
This issue’s cover is yet another classic Batman comic book cover. The background color, even though faded in this scan, is very eye catching in contrast with the light blue and white Batman logo. The blood orange background color makes this issue seem like a great companion to the earlier installment, Detective Comics #543, which shares a similiar background color.
My curiosity surged as I wondered why Batman would be revealing his secret identity to Commissioner Gordon and Harvey Bullock. Even more of a conundrum was the gang’s response of “You?!?” Settle down kids…It wasn’t Lance Bass under that cowl, but there was a Batman imposter like there’s been many times before.

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In this panel we learn that Nocturna has a penthouse. I can’t help but make the adult magazine comparison and hope that one day Penthouse realizes the goldmine that is Cosplay. Get some hot skanky broads to dress up as some super hero chicks and villains. Perhaps one of them can be a certain ghostly white mistress of the night? Do it Bob! I SWARE you’ll be seeing sales in the range of the Vanessa Williams issue.
“Finding Nocturna and Jason was a nasty surprise” Now, if that’s not the kinkiest thing Batman’s ever said! Here we see Nocturna cheating on Batman with that rotten, no good, weasly Jason Todd. They weren’t just messing around either! That was some good ol’ S&M they’re getting into, they were bound and tied to chairs! I wonder how many seconds later “The Gimp” entered the room?

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Oh Crap. You know it’s the ’80s when Batman’s rocking a finely manicured goatee…oh wait…it’s not really Batman, it’s actually Anton Knight/Night-Slayer, Natalia Knight’s bro. Natalia looks just as savvy as Batman and Robin on those grappling hooks, but her legs are way hotter. If you glance at this panel really fast it looks like Robin is out on patrol with Elvira. I could do without Nocturna’s queer choice of ballet slippers though. 

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According to this panel Batman apparently starred in some late ’70s Blaxploitation films. That Batman is Baadasss! Either that or he’s actually motivational speaker Tony Robbins when he was rockin’ that insane goatee.  He encouraged it to grow and it did…and you can do the same! All you have to do is persevere. 
In the top left of this next panel, Nocturna’s showing off her serious set of moves moves specifically the superkick or “sweet chin music,” that she blatantly stole from Shawn Michaels. Better yet, this is action that should’ve showed up in the Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe game if the game developers had any clue as to what the people really wanted:

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If Nocturna was in that damn video game I would’ve bought it. If you’ve got some sort of code to make her magically appear, for the love of God please post it in the comments section. I’m sure many of you have already made her appear in the game taking on Kitana in a silky bathrobe wearing nothing underneath but a few dabs of that fancy fragrance Coco Chanel. I hear she doesn’t leave her penthouse without putting it on, but between you and me, I’m fairly certain that she buys the knockoff bottle from the mall kiosk. She claims you can’t tell the difference, but then again, she also wears cubic zirconia jewelery.
Whoa, whoa…”I know your every move intimately” ?? That’s borderline Luke/Leia makeout scene. You know what they say in Gotham City, nobody’s more of a player than Nocturna’s brother Night-SlayerThere she goes with the cheap costume jewelry again. Nocturna removes her plastic, yellow, star earring that she bought earlier that day at Claire’s in the lower level of the Gotham Center Mall (right near the women’s knockoff fragrance kiosk) and chucks it at her bro’s chestplate. Now take that cowl off Anton, you look ridiculous!

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.15: Lex Luthor Aims Missile at Hackensack, NJ!

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In 1978, Hackensack, New Jersey increased it’s status to legendary as moviegoers heard the city’s name uttered from the lips of Lex Luthor in Superman. In a diabolical real estate plan, (one he possibly stole from that infomercial transgender, Dean Grazioso) Lex’s missiles were directed to hit the San Andreas fault in California and Hackensack, N.J. Let’s join the action after Lex puts a kryptonite chain around Superman’s neck:
Superman: You don’t even care where the other missile’s headed do you?
Lex Luthor: Certainly I do…I know exactly where it’s headed. Hackensack, N.J.
(Superman gets tossed into Lex’s subterranean pool)
Lex Luthor: I have to leave you now, no hard feelings. We all have our little faults…mine’s in California.
Eve: Lex…my mother lives in Hackensack.
In the single moment that explains why Hackman personified the character of Lex Luthor, Lex nonchalantly checks his watch and nods his head as if to say “not anymore she doesn’t!”

Wonder if Wonder Woman Spits or Swallows? Wonder No More…

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Sitting comically on a shelf at the nearest Five Below, Wonder Woman takes the form of some sort of bath foam. For that extra shot of perversity, Wonder Woman squirts, spurts, and regurgitates “crazy foam” in a completely blatant display of nerdcore porn. This isn’t the first time we’ve seen foamy soaps done superhero style, but in this case, we can place Wonder Woman “Crazy Foam” at the top of the peak of all children’s bath foam canisters. In a glaring contrast, I’m pulling for the KISS camp to license a Gene Simmons can that spews red shave gel. It may actually make me look forward to shaving and unlike this Wonder Woman can, it would be highly appropriate.

Don’t you wonder who over at DC Comics was responsible for the Wonder Woman Crazy Foam Canister getting a huge green AUTHORIZED stamp? While drunk at the DC licensing party, I wonder if some of the hornier employees approved the proposal for a Fleshlight-style “Wonder Woman’s Mouth” special edition. Some lonely guys out there would probably kill for one.

Bubba Shelby: Artist by Day, Toy Collector by Night!

Yeah, I knew you would like that one! The illustration above shows the awe and anticipation most of us felt for the Batman movies! This piece was done by friend and fellow blogger extraordinaire Bubba Shelby. He maintains several blogs such as my personal favorite, Toyriffic! and he also displays his art at bubbashelby.blogspot.com. His sketches and illustrations are bright, fun to look at, and filled with personality. Go there and you’ll see his Supergirl/Batgirl hybrid, his take on the ’60s Batmobile, and even Zatanna! If you’re not much of a fanboy then don’t worry! His subject matter doesn’t only include superheroes, you’ll also see some of his original characters and sketches as well. In the last couple of years he’s posted so many awesome illustrations that you’ll want to go through his entire archive! So pay him a visit Sexy Armpit style! Here’s 2 of my favorites:

Review: The Incredible Hulk

While many folks schedule their vacations to the Bahamas or Mexico this summer, I base my vacation time off release dates of super hero movies. It’s something I’ve always done, even as a kid. Well, let me correct myself, we weren’t lucky enough to be able to schedule our own vacation time when we were in school but I did it anyway. “Mom, Batman Returns comes out on Friday and I want to take off of school so can you take me?” Surprisingly, my mom was always supportive of that kind of thing. Even as I went through High School I never ditched class, I just had my mom call me in sick. Then my friends (who all pulled similar strings with their moms) and I went to the theater whenever a MUST SEE movie came out. Most of the time it was a Batman movie. You can just imagine how pumped I am for THE DARK KNIGHT! I’ve already scheduled my day off and booked a room in Atlantic City so I can see it in an IMAX theater. To a lot of you those plans might seem a little excessive just to see a movie. The sun, palm trees, a frozen cocktail…a Jedi crave not these things. Today my vacation day entailed a trip to the theater to see The Incredible Hulk. Here’s the recap:

Like so many other people, I was not impressed with Hulk’s last movie treatment in 2003. I was never an obsessive fan of the Hulk like I am with Batman, but I was a loyal fan of the TV show as a kid. That was the type of film I was hoping for when I saw Ang Lee’s version. The latest incarnation starring Ed Norton as David Banner reached such a level of satisfaction for me that I was entirely impressed. Ed Norton and the rest of the cast (Liv Tyler, William Hurt, and Tim Roth) seemed like they rocketed straight out of the comic books and onto the screen.

A couple of my favorite scenes featured the interaction between Norton and Tyler who had such a natural chemistry. One scene involves Betty Ross (Liv Tyler), attempting to nurture the Hulk with her soothing voice while Hulk is going balls out throwing boulders because he just saw some lightning and heard thunder. “It’s OK, it’s only the rain…” she says. In that scene, the relationship between Kong and Ann Darrow come to mind. In comparison, Ang Lee’s version seemed tragic while this rejuvenated Hulk evokes vitality. A Hulk film should not be dull and dreary and this film was the opposite and triumphed because of it. Thankfully, The Incredible Hulk maintainted the drama and action with occasional poignant moments.
Another scene that I adored, and actually laughed out loud, is a scene where David Banner and Betty Ross are taking a cab ride in New York City. The driver is completely reckless and driving like a maniac. Because they’re getting dangerously bounced around, Banner is about to go ape shit. They get out and the ever protective Ross gets irate on the taxi driver kicking his car and calling him an “Asshole.” I couldn’t tell if her character was just trying to protect Banner from hulking up or if the filmmakers were attempting a social commentary on the uptight aggressive nature of New York City? If any place in the world makes you turn into a super pissed off 9 foot tall green monster it will probably be the New York/New Jersey area. Represent.

Fans of the TV series and comic book will not be disappointed because it seemed very much an accurate mixture of the two. You’ll notice many references to the TV series such as Ferrigno as a pizza accepting security guard, Bill Bixby’s on the TV in The Courtship of Eddie’s Father, hints of the old theme song, and of course the Marvel staple Stan Lee is sipping a gaurana soda. Norton even begins to utter “You wouldn’t like me if I’m…” I’ll leave the rest to your imagination if you haven’t seen it yet. You may even hear a “HULK SMASH!!!” thrown in for good measure and a hint at Leader as the next villian.

The film had an excellent pace and didn’t drag, and the action scenes were skillfully created. And like the filmmakers promised, this Hulk film wasn’t bogged down with CGI. Even though Hulk and Abomination were CGI, they looked totally realistic and not like a video game. Hulk especially looked awesome.
If you’ve read articles on the Internet about the film or watched any TV spots, they couldn’t wait to spoil the Tony Stark cameo. I really wish it was a secret because seeing him at the end would’ve been more more of a surprise. But honestly, I was so wrapped up in the film that I totally slipped my mind that Robert Downey Jr. was about to drop in. How exciting will THE AVENGERS be? That one might necessitate a week long celebration, not just a day off!

So far this has been one helluva summer for movies. I’m traditionally let down by “summer blockbusters” but many such as Indy, and Hulk have blown me away. I can’t imagine what THE DARK KNIGHT is going to do to me. It might make me Hulk up and SMASH stuff! Have you seen The Incredible Hulk yet? Did you enjoy it? I’d like to hear YOUR thoughts!

Super Hero Dance Sequences

OK, so this article is a bit BAT-HEAVY but these entries deserve to be on the list! Feel free to leave a comment with any ones I forgot! I know there’s many others, but here’s the most notable ones…

Spider Man 3 – Upon its release I remember there being quite an uproar that Sam Raimi decided to feature a dance sequence in a Super Hero movie. I’ll sling myself out on a web here and risk my reputation by saying that I actually enjoyed this part of the film. You have to remember that Peter was still in the black suit and it was doing weird primal stuff to his psyche. So naturally, the way that it manifested itself was by jazz dancing with a hot blonde. Who better to piss off your ex-girlfriend with than Gwen Stacy! While jazz dancing! C’mon, lighten up…it was fun.

Smallville actually seemed to have “bit” off Spider Man 3 or “taken the lead” from it so to speak. In season 7, Chloe, one of the best characters in the show, goes and hangs out at a club and heats things up with Jimmy Olsen on the dance floor.
Mystery Men – Perhaps it’s not a classic superhero movie but it was hard to resist. In yet another brilliant role, Geoffrey Rush plays criminal mastermind Casanova Frankenstein. We hear the Bee Gee’s Night Fever, and see the gigundo disco ball hanging from the ceiling while Casanova takes it all in: “Ah The old disco room, just as I left it…” His cohort Tony, played by Eddie Izzard, prances around disco dancing and doing the macarena. He later proclaims “Disco is NOT Dead!”
Plastic Man Cartoon – I don’t know if you’re on board but I had really fond memories of watching Plas as a kid. It was such a fun show! Plas was accompanied by his cute blonde girlfriend Penny, his Hawaiian best bud Hula Hula, and Baby Plas. Here‘s part of the intro of the show where Plas boogies down: “…he can spring…he can stretch..he can fly…he can bounce…he can change his shape…and he can even dance!” Plastic Man doesn’t get enough accolades. He’s one of the better comical super heroes and that combo usually doesn’t work well but it does for him! I always thought Jim Carrey would be an awesome choice to play Plastic Man in a movie.
Batman Returns – Michael Keaton and the super smoking hot Michelle Pfieffer slow dance to Siouxsie and the Banshees’ haunting Face to Face while having the type of conversation I’ve only dreamed of having with Catwoman. “Mistletoe could be deadly if you eat it…A kiss could be even deadlier.”

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Batman 1996 TV episode Hi Diddle Riddle – Rules went out the window for Batman in the ’60s. Batman was not only getting a little wacky in the comic books but also on prime time TV. Adam West’s brilliantly dry portrayal of Batman gets alot of flack and it may mostly be due to the fact that he wasn’t afraid to dance the “Batusi.”

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Return to the Batcave – Adam West and Julie Newmar get together for old time sake in this made for TV reunion to dance one last Batusi.

Transformation Fascination

The other day I had a revelation. I realized that since I was a kid I always enjoyed watching the transformation of a character in TV or movies. I can’t say for sure which transformation I witnessed the earliest but I know that it’s all derived from the Jekyll & Hyde theme. There’s always been cartoons like Looney Tunes, O.G Readmore, and others that have featured characters transforming into and evil one. In other instances a hero would transform from a normal everyday person into a Superhero like Clark Kent running into a phone booth to come out as Superman. Those montages always had great appeal to me so I searched You Tube to feature some of the best transformations right here. There’s many more so feel free to leave a comment with some of your favorites!

Probably one of the most memorable transformations belongs to the Incredible Hulk:

Here’s what happens when Barbara Gordon opens her secret revolving wall…

I can’t leave out Michael J. Fox’s “changes” in Teen Wolf. Also, Michael Jackson’s transformation into the werewolf in Thriller is classic.

The forming of Voltron!

Prince Adam becomes He-Man:

Mumm-Ra, The EVER LIVING!