t-shirt Archives - Page 6 of 14

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 69: Monstrous Wildwood Energy

Posted on November 9, 2010 by sexyarmpit

When I take a sip of that bubbly Monster Energy Drink it makes me feel like I’m splashing in the ocean at New Jersey’s premiere, moderately priced resort town, Wildwood. And on the flip side, just the sheer idea of being in Wildwood transforms me into a ferocious energized beast. You know what activates me even more than sipping an energy drink on a sunny summer day at the Jersey Shore? Blatant displays of trademark infringement! Whaddya know? If you turn the clawed out letter “M” on the Monster can upside down, you have a “W,” which stands for Wildwood!

When I’m on the boardwalk and I slip this t-shirt on, it propels me to a ridiculuously high level of primal savagery. Inhaling 7 full paper plates of funnel cake in mere milliseconds is only the tip of the iceberg. Instead of standing aside and just “watching the tram car,” I started huffing and puffing and sprinted right towards it head on. I wasn’t playing a game of chicken with the tramcar either. I actually tackled a moving tramcar at full speed and then swung it around over my head at least 2 or 3 times just because I had so much energy to expel.

I’m telling you, these Monster style Wildwood t-shirts need to come with some kind of surgeon general warning: “PLEASE DO NOT WEAR THIS T-SHIRT IF YOU ARE ALREADY AWESOME AT WRECKING SHIT UP BECAUSE ONCE YOU PUT IT ON YOU WILL BE DOUBLY GOOD AT WRECKING SHIT UP AND THAT’S NOT COOL BECAUSE YOU ARE CLEARLY ALREADY RECKLESS AND YOU WILL BE A DANGER TO THE OTHER FINE CITIZENS ON THE BOARDWALK OR WHEREVER YOU MAY BE, ALSO, THIS T-SHIRT WILL NOT PROTECT YOU FROM ANY SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES, OH, AND DO NOT WEAR IF YOU ARE PREGNANT.”

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 68: NJ Zombie Walk 2010

Posted on October 26, 2010 by sexyarmpit

www.njzombiewalk.com

People are dead serious about zombies. All over the country zombie walks will take place on Halloween weekend, and you will be in danger unless you take the proper precautions. It may be wise to order yourself, your significant other, and your kids some protective tees which will make it clear to the zombies that you are NOT breakfast, but merely horrendous tasting innocent bystanders. The survival tee was cool last year, but this year there are 2 versions! The first is for men (or women who like to wear men’s t-shirts) and shows a male zombie ripping through a Garden State Parkway sign, and the second is a babydoll tee for women that features a female zombie tearing through a New Jersey Turnpike sign.

The last t-shirt is splattered with an exclusive bloodied New Jersey ZOMBIE license plate which is available with a $25 dollar donation. There’s a lot more to look at and purchase, so visit the official New Jersey Zombie Walk website where you can get all the info you need to join in the walk and get other awesome NJ Zombie merch. If you can swing it, try to make a donation because proceeds will go toward offsetting the cost of putting on the event. Their website explains that there are rental, permit, and insurance fees, so shell out the cash muthatruckas! The 3rd annual NJ Zombie Walk kicks off at Asbury Park Convention Hall on the afternoon of October 30th!

Top 5 Scariest Things about Bon Jovi: NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 67

Posted on October 19, 2010 by sexyarmpit

It struck me as odd to see a Bon Jovi Halloween T-shirt being advertised at their official web store. A band like KISS can never be questioned for having a Halloween shirt because their whole persona is built on their macabre costumes, especially Gene Simmons. You won’t go to a Halloween party this year without seeing at least one person or an entire group dressed as KISS. Yet, even if you see a group of guys dressed up as Bon Jovi, they will easily be mistaken for “any ’80s hairband,” unless they’re the minority who decide on the “early ’90s Bon Jovi, after they all cut their hair.”

Bon Jovi Jack O’Lantern and Dagger T-Shirt

All of this leads me to wonder about this bizarre Bon Jovi/Halloween correlation they are touting on this cool Jack-O-Lantern T-Shirt which goes for an astounding $29.99! While you’re scrounging up the cash to pay for it, take a look at the Top 5 Scariest Things about Bon Jovi:

5. Sure he’s a talented songwriter but David Bryan’s hair is insanely ludicrous. Listen buddy, it’s time to go to whatever store in France that Bret Michaels did. Shit, even Gene Simmons hair, which looks like licorice flavored cotton candy, is better than that preposterous crown of curls. Dear Dave: this isn’t 18th century Europe!

4. Jon Bon Jovi’s veneers. Those are some humongous white chompers! His childhood dream of becoming the next Dr.Teeth and the Eletric Mayhem band is one step closer to realization, except for the good rocking music of course.

3. Jon Bon Jovi’s acting. If you ever need to kill any vampires, call Jon Bon Jovi: Freelance Vampire Slayer. He eradicates vampires with the power of his jazz hands.

2. Jon Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora are Italians from Jersey. (Just in case you were wondering what happened to Alec John Such.)

1. What’s truly the scariest thing about Bon Jovi is that somehow people are buying their newer music. Every time I’m finished doing my business on the toilet, I look down at the water flushing into the black hole, and all I think of is “The Circle,” Bon Jovi’s latest atrocious album. If you happen to be rich and really cool and you decide to give out those ancient relics known as CD’s instead of candy for Halloween this year – don’t bother giving out any copies of Bon Jovi’s “The Circle.” Kids might throw it back at you.

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 66: Friday the 13th Part 3

Posted on October 13, 2010 by sexyarmpit

No you aren’t imagining things. I did indeed post about Friday the 13th Part 3 previously in the Halloween Countdown. Not to slash a dead horse with a machete, but the film does a hell of a job honoring the Jersey history of the franchise even though it wasn’t filmed there. Thanks to that I was able to squeeze a whole other post out of it! There’s never a shortage of Jersey related t-shirts for me to write about every Tuesday, but it definitely gets repetitive. When I come across obscure finds like this one in the background of a movie, that’s when this column is most interesting. Think about it, how many people are blogging about that t-shirt in Friday the 13th Part 3? The answer is probably only 1 person, because anyone in their right mind who wants tons of hits wouldn’t give two shits about that t-shirt…but I do.

I came across the shirt when the young and attractive Vera (Catherine Parks) and prankster Shelly (Larry Zerner) head to the local convenience store in the fictitious town of Green Valley, NJ. There they attempt to buy some crap from this rotten bitch of a cashier who is in the running against Shelly for possibly the worst mop of hair in history. OK, we get it, you “don’t accept no food stamps.”

They’re just trying to get some munchies but then they run into an evil biker gang who attempts to steal Shelly’s wallet. Maybe if the movie wasn’t in 3-D then Shelly wouldn’t have recklessly tossed his wallet directly toward the camera only to have it fall on the floor. The wallet was on the floor so it was fair game, and in a strange twist of events, the felonious biker gang opted NOT to steal that luscious Green Valley Has Everything t-shirt that is seductively hanging on the wall enticing all the customers with it’s over the top sexual innuendo but grabbed the wallet instead.

Now, I’m not positive, because no human being can see lettering that tiny and blurry, but it looks like in parentheses the shirt says (including wildlife), which is completely unfunny if read literally. Hopefully that is what it says and we won’t have to go and solve some 28 year old mystery.

In case you’re about to click over to Expedia to plan a trip, don’t bother. There is no town called Green Valley in New Jersey, but there is a campground named Green Valley Beach in Sussex County. For the Google Maps enthusiasts out there, Camp NoBeBoSco (Camp Crystal Lake) is about a half hour away from there. Now enjoy that freaking awesome song by Henry Manfredini and Michael Zager (from Passaic, NJ!) that plays while they’re shopping in the convenience store:

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 65: More Jersey Devil

Posted on October 6, 2010 by sexyarmpit

Since we are fully into The Halloween Countdown, let me share not ONE but THREE Jersey Devil T-Shirts that I came across for NJ T-Shirt Tuesday. When you’re finished looking and putting your jaw back into place from all the coolness, click on the links toward the bottom of the post and they’ll bring you to even more Jersey Devil T-Shirts that appeared previously here at The Sexy Armpit!

November Fire is an online store that offers merch that falls into the category of “horror, halloween, antiestablishment, underground, punk, metal, gothic, and drug culture,” and as SNLer Vanessa Bayer’s Miley Cyrus says it’s “Pritty Cool.” The site offers a ton of original art designs that can be printed on a variety of different t-shirts, sweatshirts, and tanks tops. Their Jersey Devil looks sort of like a ram and it’s only in black and white, but who cares, it’s still J.D!

Artist and Designer Nick Horvath’s website features photos of all his work and if you scroll down the front page of his blog you’ll see the awesome Jersey Devil shirt he designed which is pictured above. On the front is The Garden State colored in Jersey Devil red, outfitted with horns and a spiked tail. Unfortunately there is no info on where to buy it!

Finally, in the logos archive of Think Tank Creative they have presented two original labels they designed for a local NJ microbrew. The first depicts a sexy punk rock chick as The Jersey Devil while the other was a completely different take on the legend. The artist wanted to stay away from the typical look of The Jersey Devil and actually used Lou Reed as their inspiration!

Previous NJ T-Shirt Tuesday Posts Featuring The Jersey Devil:
Artist Tom Krohne’s Unparalleled Jersey Devil Illustrations on T-Shirts
Retro DC features a Jersey Devil Fossil T-Shirt

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 64: Hoboken and Beer

Posted on September 15, 2010 by sexyarmpit

Heineken and Budweiser Hoboken T-Shirts

I spotted these tees in a window somewhere on Washington Street in Hoboken. What comes to mind when you think of Hoboken, NJ? I wager it’s either Frank Sinatra, The Cake Boss, or On The Waterfront. If none of those options came to mind, there’s a pretty good chance that something alcohol related popped in your head. A favorite past time of folks from the NY/NJ area is to go to Hoboken and get shitfaced on really expensive drinks, or if you’re the frugal type, you might stick with beer. This post is for those beer lovers, whether they actually hail from Hoboken or they just like to go and get trashed there.

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 63: Muscle Maker Grill in Warren

Posted on September 1, 2010 by sexyarmpit

Just last week a new Muscle Maker Grill opened in Warren, NJ and The Sexy Armpit was lucky enough to get an invite to their celebration. The original location in Colonia, NJ provided me with many awesome meals and snacks throughout the years, but I haven’t been to another one of their locations until now. For me, the best part about Muscle Maker is that none of the food ever tastes processed or frozen, it all has that fresh, home made taste. And at the risk of sounding like a commercial, it’s good for you too!

I stuck with my favorite item on the menu, The Rocky Balboa Wrap, which you will never go wrong with since it’s packed with grilled chicken, turkey meatballs, low-fat mozzarella, and marinara sauce. I had a side of broccoli and I was also tempted to order an appetizer of the Honey BBQ Chicken nuggets but I didn’t want to be a gavone. That all went to shit when I caved in and ordered a Chocolate Banana protein shake. It sounded like a good idea at first, but I didn’t realize it was going to be delivered to our table in what looked like a half gallon cup! I did what any red blooded American male would do in a situation like this…I cleaned my plate and downed the entire protein shake like it was nobody’s business. Miss Armpit opted for the European Wrap which consisted of grilled chicken breast, spinach, and roasted peppers in an herb tortilla. She also had the cucumber salad on the side. It was her first time ordering that specific wrap and they were both delicious according to her.

The brand new Warren location is one of the sleekest Muscle Makers in Jersey. From the flat screen TV’s on the walls to the expanded seating area, this is a fine place to eat your meal in. If you’re in a hurry you can order take out or call to have your food delivered! If you haven’t been to a Muscle Maker yet, check their official site for the location nearest you. New locations are popping up all the time, and they aren’t only in Jersey, they also have locations in New York and Florida too.

In 1995 the mastermind behind Muscle Maker Grill, Rod Silva, was operating a protein smoothie shop in Colonia, NJ where customers were noticing how great the food smelled that he brought in for his lunch and dinner frequently. Eventually, after getting many requests to actually BUY his food, he started making meals and selling them to customers, and so the Muscle Maker Grill became a reality. Muscle Maker’s innovative cuisine focuses on serving healthy meals for those with an active lifestyle as well as folks who don’t want to down a greasy burger made from who knows what. They make sure the meat is lean, the dressings and sauces are all low-cal, and the cheese is reduced fat. If you aren’t one to read food labels this all might sound horrid to you, but this food is incredible and it WILL make you doubt that you are eating healthy.

http://musclemakergrill.com/

twitter.com/muscle_maker

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 62: The Beachcomber in Seaside Heights

Posted on August 25, 2010 by sexyarmpit

This past weekend I took a trip with my girlfriend and some other friends to The Beachcomber in Seaside Heights, NJ. I wanted to check out It Ain’t Pretty, a band churning out modern rock and pop cover songs. The band is made up of Dennis Zimmer, P.J Farley (Trixter, Ra), Shawn Mars, Mark Hall and Dave Clauro. They rocked the place and helped the Beachcomber live up to it’s renewed reputation as a fun place to go to drink and let loose.

When your establishment’s claim to fame is “This is where Snooki got punched,” it’s easy to attract business. Even their t-shirt has become a collectible with the stamp of approval: The Beachcomber Bar and Grill: The Official Bar of MTV’s Jersey Shore.

While walking around the Seaside Heights boardwalk that night, I realized why MTV chose the Seaside Boardwalk as opposed to the other stretches of the expansive Jersey Shore. Why not Point Pleasant, Atlantic City, or Wildwood? The answer is because the Seaside Boardwalk is unbeatable. There’s so much crap to do! There’s games, stores, bars, and rides; you’re almost guaranteed to have some sort of fun. So, for those watching Jersey Shore repeats thinking that Seaside Heights has a cheap, shlocky mess of a boardwalk, well, you’re absolutely right and that’s why it’s awesome.

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 61: Jersey Girl Cola

Posted on August 18, 2010 by sexyarmpit

The Jersey Girl/Coca-Cola T-Shirt

available at finer Shop-Rite stores in New Jersey

Is there someone out there who really always wanted a Jersey Girl t-shirt that parodied the Coca-Cola Classic logo? I’d sincerely love to know how many women across the country had this one at the top of their Christmas wish lists last year. Actually, I take that back because there are quite a few collectors of Coca-Cola paraphernalia who would probably hurl me out of the way to get to the rack of these babies. I would imagine that if you are a female obsessed with Coca-Cola, and hail from New Jersey, this mashed up tee is a divine offering.

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 60: Bluto and Wimpy

Posted on August 10, 2010 by sexyarmpit

I grew up knowing him as Brutus, but he’s more commonly known as Bluto. No matter what he’s called I bet he’d fit in quite nicely with the sweaty, juiced up guidos down at the Jersey shore. In today’s first t-shirt, Bluto is pictured begging for you to hit him with your best shot, because he’s from New Jersey and obviously he loves pumping Pat Benatar’s Crimes of Passion CD while cruising up and down Ocean Avenue.

Wimpy is seen on the second tee defying all Popeye comic rules and regulations. Wimpy only eats hamburgers, not pork roll sandwiches! The front of the shirt claims that you can’t get REAL PORK ROLL anywhere else but New Jersey, and for some mysterious reason, that is true. Maybe if he was from Jersey he would be hooked on the previously posted Jersey Burger, that’s the best of both worlds. In the end, that cheapskate wouldn’t last a second in a Jersey diner because they wouldn’t stand for his wily hamburger scams.

For more of Popeye’s adventures in New Jersey check out Volume 45 of NJ T-Shirt Tuesday!