Politan Points Out Casey Anthony’s Puppies

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Casey Anthony is being released from jail today. Regardless of being found not guilty, Anthony is still a low life for not reporting her child missing for such a long span of time and judging by how she treated her parents on the phone conversations and how she changed her stories constantly, she’s a scumbag in my book.

And because of her, our yearly 4th of July getaway consisted of being holed up in a hotel room glued to the TV. While the summer was officially in full swing my girlfriend and I deferred the typical activities such as fun in the sun and outdoor barbecues in order to be crazy glued to the old school CRT television in the hotel room. Not sure what we would’ve done if they didn’t have HLN network in the room. Previous to the case, I had no idea that Headline News streamlined to “HLN” for the past several years until Miss Sexy Armpit got me hooked on watching coverage of the Casey Anthony trial.

It was easy to get sucked into the case, especially when there’s nothing quite as riveting showing elsewhere on TV except for Regular Show on Cartoon Network. So there was a span of nearly 4 days where the most traveling I did was walk over to the bathroom and in an extreme case, down the hallway to get some ice. The rest of the time was spent sacked out on the bed watching live trial coverage and analysis from the various anchors on HLN.

The only good thing about this despicable bitch is that she actually was bestowed with a fairly bountiful chestal region. And should the media have faulted CNN’s Vinnie Politan for pointing that fact out when he was merely stating the truth? During coverage of the case on 5/31, Casey Anthony was asked to stand up in court. Politan commented “Only thing they’re gonna see now are her boobs sticking out today,” and it became a big controversy as if Politan didn’t know he was on mic. I say big f’n deal! Politan didn’t say anything wrong or offensive, he was commenting on the fact that her defense team is letting her dress like the skank that she is and her goods were on display.

Maybe the defense was hoping to get the lonely single guys in the jury on their side? Let’s be honest here, if Casey Anthony was a very masculine, overweight, and unattractive 25 year old female, this case would not be the media blitz it became. Politan was right in pointing out this aspect of the trial since as much as people were trashing her for being slutty, that was part of the cases mass appeal. America loves schlock! It was a soap opera, albeit an unscripted one.

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One of the shows I enjoyed watching the most was HLN’s Special Report hosted by former attorney and journalist Vinnie Politan. I wasn’t surprised when my girlfriend told me he’s from Jersey. I could smell my own, what can I say? Here’s the run down on Politan:
  • Graduated West Orange High School
  • Law Degree from Seton Hall
  • Former district attorney in Bergen County NJ
  • Former anchor Channel 10 News in NJ

Click HERE to read Vinnie Politan’s official bio at CNN

Salute Your Schwartz

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The Sexy Armpit is saddened to hear news of the death of TV Producer Sherwood Schwartz. Born in Passaic, New Jersey, Schwartz was a writer, creator, and producer of shows such as My Favorite Martian, The Brady Bunch, and Gilligan’s Island. Even before TV took over, Schwartz was a writer on radio shows like The Bob Hope Show and The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet. He lived to a ripe age of 94 and left behind a legacy in television that will live on forever in reruns.

Simon Cowell’s X-Factor at the Prudential Center in Newark

The X-Factor in Newark New Jersey



Reality shows bothered me since the first ever Real World on MTV aired in 1992. I’ll admit that I was into the first few seasons of American Idol, but then I dropped off like an Acme anvil over a cartoon cliff. Reality shows killed sitcoms and that is why I will forever hate them. “Give me Webster, or give me Death!” – Me.

My built in hatred of reality shows had me disgusted as soon as I heard that Simon Cowell was bringing The X-Factor to the U.S. There’s no need for another televised singing competition. Think about it, when did you watch Star Search? I remember flicking channels and seeing it when nothing else was on and I was bored out of my skull. Usually it aired at some weird time, like 1:00 PM on a Sunday. Nope, not X-Factor. I’m sure it will be front and center in Fox’s fall lineup.

The Sexy Armpit attended The X-Factor auditions held last night at the Prudential Center in Newark, NJ. After waiting outside for an hour in 95 degree heat on a line nearly as long as one for a Justin Bieber kissing booth, we were finally let into the building. From there we were told to choose our own seats, a task that could’ve turned into mass chaos, but went surprisingly smooth.

The M.C, who happened to be a Jersey guy, went through his shtick and told us NOT to BOO the singers. WHAT? Isn’t that what we all do at home when watching these lame shows? If we don’t like someone we should be able to communicate that. I hear the Idol audience booing all the time. Aw, how sweet, The X-Factor is being all tender and compassionate. Simon Cowell is running the damn show! Simon, you better not have instituted this stupid no Booing policy.

The judges, Simon, Paula, Nicole Scherzinger, and L.A Reid, all walked out to their table in a swirl of lights and maniacal applause to Guns N Roses “Live and Let Die.” Simon wasn’t nearly as entertaining as he was on Idol, hopefully it’s because it was merely the audition phase. Paula’s responses were still all over the place, but more constructive. Nicole sounded like she was stoned out of her mind on crystal meth. Everything she said sounded like she was on a higher plane of existence. Maybe she was nervous since it was her first time judging on the show. L.A Reid was actually the best part because he cut to the chase. He’s an icon of the music business and someone who can provide an expert perspective to the singers.

Did they find any talent in Newark, NJ? Hell yeah they did! Some of the singers actually thrilled the audience to the point of standing ovations. One Brooklyn woman resurrected Billy Vera’s “At This Moment,” and blew the roof off the Pru Center. Needless to say, she made it through as did many other superb singers, many of whom hailed from The Garden State. But don’t you worry, there were enough laughable performances to drop into those promos that will suck you into watching the show.

Will MTV Shed Some SKINS?

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Featured Sexy Armpit writer N.J Holden is back, and this time he’s offering his editorial expertise 
on MTV’s controversial show, SKINS. He also explores two of the cast members’ Jersey roots.

With television saturated by so-called “reality” shows, MTV cheerfully bathes in it from head to toe. At any given time on any given day, shows such as True Life, Teen Mom, The Real World, and (ugh) Jersey Shore can be seen and have, in a sense, become the network’s standard in terms of programming. But when it was announced that it was producing Skins, few could have anticipated such a myriad of hype and controversy about a hand-me down drama from England about teens up to their eyeballs in sex and drugs. Forget its other show The Hard Times of RJ Berger (whose geeky high school protagonist has the endowment of John Holmes); Skins seemed to have a bulls eye on it from the get-go. After its initial airing, major sponsors pulled their ads and the Parents Television Council (PTC) called for its cancellation, citing that the nudity amongst its cast was dangerously near child pornography (despite the brief nude scenes, it never becomes graphic or sexual in context) since most of its cast was under the age of 18. But if you look past all the cries of denouncement, one would find that MTV has finally put on a good show, but one that seems destined for a brief life.

Using a talented cast of unknowns (including New Jersey natives Sofia Black D’Elia and Daniel Flaherty), the show follows the lives of a small clique of teens with a penchant for anything bad. From scoring legal and illegal drugs to switching sexual partners on a dime, this is KIDS (that cult classic from 1995) for the new millennium, but with more sympathetic characters than their New York counterparts (hell, even more sympathy than those Jersey Shore clowns). Stanley (Flaherty) is the group’s warm heart and soul, an aloof kid with marijuana smoke for brains who is torn between his best friend’s girlfriend and his own girlfriend, all of whom carry their own sorts of baggage. Meanwhile, Tea (D’Elia) is an open lesbian who questions her sexuality after a forbidden tryst with her friend’s boyfriend Tony, the clique’s macho leader whose swagger is only matched by his appetite for destruction, sometimes at the cost of his own friends. Along with the group, the show features subplots as a student-teacher relationship, a disastrous class trip into the woods, homelessness, and ill-equipped parents either not ready to deal with their kids or are too busy being kids themselves. For one hour each week, all of these ingredients are stirred together to give people a reason to forget “reality” shows and see a grossly (but not too distorted) view of why teenagers are revered and abhorred in today’s society. Every teenager seems to have feelings of superiority and invincibility and combined with irresponsibility and a lack of remorse, nothing good can come of this which is what the show demonstrates.

With Jersey Shore as its lead-in, Skins seemed to be a guaranteed success, not to mention the heavy promotion the network put behind it. But with its numbers far below expectations and the viewers dwindling week by week, the fate of the show (at the time of this writing) was still up in the air. An online petition was formed in the hopes of keeping it alive at least for another season if not more. While MTV thrives on controversy, the backlash may have worked against it. Is the show racy? Yes, but it never crosses over into sleaze territory, and those who have cried foul over the show’s depiction of sex and drugs failed to realize that the show never glamorizes or promotes it. Whatever the outcome, Skins has introduced NJ’s own D’Elia and Flaherty into the mainstream; two actors who are sure to become stars sooner or later. Let’s hope sooner.

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.45: Man vs. Food

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In the past few years New Jersey has been shoved down TV viewers throats to the extent that I’m sure it makes them want to regurgitate. I doubt the fine folks in North Dakota want to constantly see New Jersey pop up in every show they’re watching. Aside from contrived reality shows, food shows have also been wrapped up in a love affair with the Garden State. I’m not sure why though, since much of our native cuisine consists of deep fried, artery clogging crap just like what Adam Richman encountered in Season 2 of his show (because naturally we weren’t good enough for Season 1), Man vs. Food on The Travel Channel.

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Adam Richman responds to food challenges all over the country and this time around he visited The Grease Trucks in New Brunswick NJ, a legendary spot serving the perfect selections to cap off those nights of binge drinking. If you’re not familiar with the local food phenom, it not only serves Rutgers students, but even out-of-staters come to chow down on some deliciously unhealthy food.

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In this episode, Richman answered the “Fat Sandwich Challenge” at RU Hungry “The Original Grease Truck,” in which he must eat 5 overstuffed sandwiches in 45 minutes. Some of the renowned sandwich amalgamations pile on chicken fingers, mozzarella sticks, pork roll, cheesesteak, french fries, and other heavenly items into a sub roll. To psych Richman out, the owner informed him that only around 16 people out of approximately 250 have risen to the challenge and successfully downed the big 5 before the clock stopped. If Richman wins, he gets to create his own sandwich which will be named after him.

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SPOILER ALERT!!! Richman didn’t win, but he went down swinging. I could have done without the little side interviews with the onlookers that the production crew shot and intercut between the tense scenes of him wolfing down the sandwiches. It was obvious that they were fed some terribly cheesy lines.

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Richman also stopped at Harold’s New York Deli in Edison, NJ, which serves only monsterous, supersized meals. I’ve been going there since it opened in 1997 and my first reaction upon seeing the waitress bringing me my food is always “No human being could finish this.” In the above picture, Richman is seen with one of Harold’s Deli’s signature sandwiches, a foot tall, 10 pound corned beef and pastrami sandwich!

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I couldn’t believe that Richman had more room in his stomach to cram even MORE food into it! There’s not a more appropriately named restaurant to accomplish that than Stuff Yer Face, also in New Brunwick, NJ. Open since 1977, Stuff Yer Face is known for their stromboli or just “bolis.” They have 30 different ones to choose from and the option to make your own. Richman customized his own boli, and after it was finished baking, he sat down to eat it. Let me say that damn thing looked so delicious that The Sexy Armpit is now looking to stuff his face there very soon!

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.44: Lois & Clark

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GRANT GENDELL: “Forgive me but we have a few routine security questions to ask you…have you visited a foreign country in the last 7 months?”
LOIS LANE: “Does New Jersey count?”

This line comes from the Season 4 episode of Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman titled “Bob and Carol and Lois and Clark.” The episode originally aired on November 17th, 1996 and features Antonio Sabato Jr. as Deathstroke, a character loosely based on the DC comics assassin, although here, Sabato’s alter ego is Bob Stanford instead of Slade Wilson.

Lois and Clark was merely a stepping stone for Teri Hatcher, but unfortunately it was a career pinnacle for Princeton graduate Dean Cain. The show never matched up to my high expectations and I stopped watching the series after it became an average soap opera which also just so happened to star a major superhero. As crazy as it sounds I enjoyed the often shat upon Superboy TV series much more.

So Long Shark Month!

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Andrew Zubko’s Batman vs. Shark

Thank you for joining The Sexy Armpit for Shark Month!
Some people have been calling me crazy, while others say I’m just a total geek. Most of the time I can’t figure out what I consider myself. Is spending countless hours of my precious time researching, brainstorming, creating graphics, writing, and editing posts about New Jersey related nostalgia a worthwhile pastime? As if the work week doesn’t deplete my life of free time as it is, I then sink whatever time I have left into trivial bits of New Jersey nonsense. Would it sound completely moronic if I narrowed my blog topic to be even more specific? The answer is YES, and I just spent the last month writing discovering the many relationships that New Jersey has with Sharks. Yes, you really just read that.
While it may not have been as bloody or pulse pounding as the actual upcoming Shark Week on Discovery Channel, for those who enjoy the occasional obscure fact or finding out about a little known film, you probably enjoyed it along with me and I thank you for that. Did Shark Week get monotonous? Hell yes, of course it did. Was a month too long? Definitely. Was Radiation Scarred Reviews right in only doing their own Sharkathalon for 8 days? Absolutely. Now, I know you’re thinking, “But Jay, isn’t the Halloween Countdown a full month long?” Yes sir, but that isn’t nearly the arduous task of uncovering the connections of Jersey and Sharks. Halloween is a much more broad affair, when almost anything spooky, including movies, personal photographs, and memories get shared. So I guess I am a total geek because I can’t wait to get back to my regularly scheduled programming here. And I’m even more excited for The Countdown to Halloween with all of you!
Before I kicked off Shark Month, I had it in the planning stages for several months. I gathered so much material that I’m even thinking of starting and infrequent recurring column on the subject. Would you want to see that? Did you enjoy Shark Month? 

Lea Michele is May’s Garden State Playmate

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Even though her face looks like she’s trying to force out a really pesky dump whenever she sings, Glee‘s Lea Michele is May’s Garden State Playmate. She’s not full fledged Jersey though, she was born in The Bronx but grew up in Tenafly, New Jersey. Previous to scoring big with her role as high school singer Rachel Berry, Lea Michele was a promising young stage actress (showing your boobs really displays your acting chops), starring in productions of Spring Awakening and Les Miserables.

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Since debuting last year, it didn’t take long for Glee and it’s stars to skyrocket to fame. I admit watching the original preview of the show in Hulu but I couldn’t get through the first 10 minutes. It seems like the country is obsessed with hearing people perform music that isn’t theirs. It’s like everyone has the Karaoke virus. I blame American Idol. Hearing the cast sing Madonna and Lady Gaga songs doesn’t impress me. OK, so I’m a party pooper, but sue me if I’d rather pop in my ear buds and listen to the REAL songs.

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And for the record, in the world of The Sexy Armpit, “Gleek” can only describe a rambunctious blue monkey who hangs out with The Wonder Twins, but now, crazed fans of the hit Fox TV show are also calling themselves Gleeks. Zan and Jayna need to call their lawyer!

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.39: Dallas

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Dallas spent 13 years on the air and in its 14 seasons, New Jersey was mentioned only once. Regardless of being mostly Jersey-less, it’s still one of my favorite TV shows of all time. One NJ namedropping seems like one too many since The Garden State is probably the furthest thing from the wheelin’ and dealin’ of a Texas oil company. In Season 13, Sasha Mitchell (Cody on Step by StepKickboxer sequels, and Slammed) joined the cast as James Beaumont, J.R’s illegitimate son. In this scene he reveals a bit of his past to J.R’s assisstant, Sly Lovegren, just after applying suntan lotion on her back.

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“Are you sure you don’t want to take this off?” 
– Good ‘ol James – always worried about those tan lines!

JAMES: “I was kicked out of 3 different schools in 3 different countries.”

SLY: “You don’t sound very European.”
JAMES: “No, when I was 10 my parents sent me to a military school in New Jersey…”

*Just in case you want to model your kid after James Beaumont from Dallas, two of the most popular military schools in New Jersey are The U.S Military Academy Prep School at Fort Monmouth aka West Point Prep, and Cedar Bridge Military Academy in Toms River, NJ.