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Classic WWF/WWE Event Cards From New Jersey #7

Posted on June 15, 2011 by sexyarmpit

Pretty convincing, huh? I made this in the style of the old WWF Event cards

that were slipped into the WWF magazine programs at live events. They no longer print
these up so feel free to print your own if you’re going to the show!

This WWE event card can’t possibly be considered classic. So, before you go running your mouth, keep in mind that not only did I create this event card myself in Photoshop, but the event hasn’t even happened yet! You’ll notice the event card lists the matches that will be taking place at Saturday’s WWE show at Izod Center in East Rutherford, NJ. I’m bringing my nephew to his first WWE event so I’m hoping it’s a good one, although I have my doubts. My main objective with making my own WWE event card for this show is to highlight an aspect of WWE that I absolutely abhor.

What makes you want to see a movie? Most times it’s a simple preview trailer that you see before another movie or on TV while other times you may have just heard good things about a film from a friend. Either way, a professional wrestling event is fairly similar to a movie in that way. No matter how much the WWE tries to distance itself from the word “wrestling,” that’s what it is and that’s what it always will be. If there ever comes a day when WWE Superstars actually cease wrestling in a ring, then it will simply become a TV show. But even the best TV shows air previews of their new fall season, their next episode, their season finale, etc. How else will viewers decide if they want to watch? How else will they even know about a new show or an upcoming movie?

Somewhere in the late ’90s, WWE stopped airing their Pay Per View promos that informed the audience all about what matches they would see at the next event. For instance, The Wrestlemania Report, was merely a few minutes and was hosted by Gene Okerlund, Sean Mooney, or Todd Pettengill…take your pick! The reports were fun, well produced, and always geared me up for the next big event. Seeing the card of matches being reported in a serious newsworthy way added significance to the matches. Occasionally just the sheer amount of matches would get me excited.

The modern day WWE could use help in selling their Pay Per Views, so bringing back a report like this would help. I want to know who’s going to be wrestling, why they are wrestling, what belt is on the line, what stipulations are in the match, and drop some history on us about previous bouts involving these competitors. This isn’t rocket science, this is the lowest common denominator! Why do you think people actually read Amazon reviews? Because they are trying to decide whether to buy a product. Why should I buy the WWE’s next piece of shit Pay Per View?

Capitol Punishment is the next WWE event and it happens live this Sunday. Unfortunately, I can only tell you 2 or 3 of the matches. Why is that? Mostly because WWE consistently fails to promote the matches at the next event unless it’s a week before the event, and they’re also miserable at making me care about any of the feuds going on at any time. This time around all we got was an abysmal, choppy, and lame attempt at humor where WWE Superstars were cut into press conference footage with Barack Obama. It told us nothing about the event AT ALL! Until the 2000’s, I was known to get really excited about the upcoming Pay Per Views because the matches were usually must see and WWE touted them as such every chance they had. Even the under cards added value to the events. Nowadays, I turn on Raw without knowing any matches, and it seems like they come up with them as the night goes along. They sure as hell don’t bother telling us what matches are going to happen next week on Raw, that would be too much to ask. Usually they don’t even know themselves.

We WWE fans continue to watch even though we have no idea what’s in store for us. Unless you’re a 6 year old kid like my nephew, you’re probably going to walk away underwhelmed. I suppose they don’t want to back themselves into a corner. I still think that a simple Wrestlemania Report would work better than telling every commentator to say “It’s going to be the GREATEST Wrestlemania in HISTORY,” because they say that every year, they just don’t tell us why it’s going to be.

Santino Sunday Morning!

Posted on April 3, 2011 by sexyarmpit

Santino Saturday Night!

Posted on April 2, 2011 by sexyarmpit

From The WWE Fall Preview 2007: “From Paterson, NJ”

“Wrestlemahnia” as Santino Marella pronounces it, is upon us! Whether you’re a wrestling fan or not, it’s the Super Bowl of sports entertainment. That isn’t some cliched pop culture analogy either, it’s true. No matter how many cringe worthy moments there usually are at Wrestlemania, I still get excited for the event after all these years. And I’m sure you’ve heard by now that Snooki from Jersey Shore will attempt to channel her fiery cat fighting skills as well as her horrific fake tan to help John Morrison and Trish Stratus subdue Dolph Ziggler and Lay-Cool at Wrestlemania 27.

In honor of the funniest man in WWE, Santino Marella, I’ve dubbed tonight Santino Saturday Night. I’m sure you can guess what tomorrow morning is! Why would I dedicate an entire post to The Tortellini of Temptation? Aside from constantly making me laugh, when Santino was first introduced in WWE he hailed from Paterson New Jersey, which is spelled with one T contrary to it’s spelling in the picture above. Nowadays, he’s announced as being from Calabria, Italy, but he was actually born in Canada. No matter what, I still fondly recall the days that the WWE writers got a kick out of claiming he was from New Jersey. Tomorrow, Santino will team up with his partner Vladimir Kozlov, The Big Show, and Kane to take on I-C Champ Wade Barrett, Ezekiel Jackson, Heath Slater, and Justin Gabriel.

TNA Wrestling Comes Back to Rahway NJ!

Posted on February 10, 2011 by sexyarmpit

Click Here for Ticket Information

Whether you are a hardcore McMahon disciple or you’re strictly into ROH and other indy organizations, the fact is that TNA Wrestling puts one hell of an awesome house show. Presently, the Nashville TN based wrestling organization has their show on the road and will be hauling it up to The Rahway Recreational Center in New Jersey on March 12th. The last time TNA came to The Rahway Rec Center in September, the air conditioning wasn’t working and the place was like a sauna. Words can’t describe to you the melange of smells wafting around that gym. I temporarily changed my name to The Sweaty Armpit that night.

Luckily they weren’t lying and the show they put on actually was full of non-stop action. If TNA could only capture that excitement and put it on TV, they would probably see a ratings boost. It reminded me of the old days of ECW, it was simple, no ridiculous pyro or lasers, just wrestling! Perhaps the reason why the Rahway TNA shows are successful has something to do with their association with the local Jersey All Pro Wrestling organization.

The best part about a TNA house show is that they actually follow the story lines and occasionally you’ll witness a title exchange. At the last show Elizabeth NJ’s Jay Lethal won back the X-Division title from Amazing Red in front of his hometown crowd! As Gorilla Monsoon used to say, the place went bananas! Mick Foley also showed up and ignited the crowd upon dropping some trivia that Randy “The Ram” Robinson from The Wrestler was from Rahway just before he confronted the team of The Shore (Robbie E. and Cookie). Unlike at WWE shows, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to try and get autographs and maybe a picture with your favorite TNA star. And don’t be concerned about ticket prices either; starting at $23 bucks, they are very reasonable. It definitely beats listening to Michael Cole and watching The Miz.

Introducing Robbie E. and Cookie: SHORE on TNA

Posted on September 2, 2010 by sexyarmpit

I have no qualms about admitting that I’ve enjoyed TNA Wrestling much more than the crap WWE has been putting out for the last several months. There’s a bunch of reasons why I’ve basically jumped ship like Nash and Hall did when they went to WCW. If you can’t possibly comprehend why I feel this way, I’ll explain.

Foremost, the feel of TNA programming overall reminds me of how wrestling was when I first became obsessed with it. The roster is a crew of extremely talented individuals. Whether it’s the stellar tag teams, the X-division, or the ladies, they all have proven their talent and they didn’t need no stinkin’ reality show! Their new stars aren’t being forced down our throats either, they are genuinely making fans interested via awesome matches and cutting attention grabbing promos. TNA’s ranking system adds some legitimacy to the title race, while the unscripted promos are more natural and lend realism to the characters.

Since Hogan and Bischoff joined the company, TNA has been on a slow, but steady incline. There’s certainly a handful of veteran stars, but the focus is predominantly on new talent. Personally, I find it more exciting to watch wrestlers that come from the indy scene rather than those who have been scooped up after Vince fired their asses.

One of those wrestlers who has had an extensive run in several independent companies as well as occasional spots in WWE is New Jersey born Rob Eckos. Eckos, the former “Platinum Poppa,” was recently signed to TNA as Robbie E., a guido type character inspired by MTV’s Jersey Shore, which happens to be TNA’s direct timeslot competition. Do not judge him by his upcoming tongue in cheek take off on the Jersey Shore crew, Eckos is a profoundly talented wrestler who already has over 10 years of in-ring experience. An entry in The Top 10 Reasons to Watch The Wrestler on Blu-Ray here at The Sexy Armpit was that Eckos’ name was mentioned in it! I think it’s the coolest thing to be name dropped in one of my favorite movies of all time, and one of the best Jersey based films ever.

Robby E’s valet will be a send up of Snooki, aptly named Cookie, whose previous ring name was Becky Bayless, a spunky female wrestler also pulled from the indy scene. Make sure you check out TNA Thursday Night iMPACT! on SPIKE TV in the coming weeks to see the premiere of Robbie E. and Cookie!

TNA’s Hardcore Justice Reunites Original ECW Crew

Posted on August 10, 2010 by sexyarmpit

I keep hearing “F*ck You Vince” chants linger in my head. The ferocity and passion of ECW fans fueled that anti-Vince McMahon chant, even though he IS the father of modern day professional wrestling. Why was the crowd audibly burying the Vin-man during the finale of TNA’s Hardcore Justice pay per view on Sunday night? Because Vince refused to give ECW the proper send off they deserved. After WWE consumed ECW they downgraded it into another secondary show. Do you think ECW was going to give up and die that easily? It turns out they didn’t need the name recognition of WWE Superstars, they didn’t need their own ring names or company name, and they didn’t even need their leader Paul Heyman to reign supreme.

Former co-host of The Sexy Armpit Radio Show, The F.B.I’s Big Sal E. Graziano

makes his summer residence at The Jersey Shore in Snooki’s pool house

Most of the guys who were called to appear at the TNA event were enthusiastic to relive a night of glory, and you know what? They deserve it. After Vince McMahon made ECW into a generic, stripped down WWE show, it ended the ECW legacy on a strange note. Do you even remember that Ezekial Jackson went out as the last ECW champion? The Abraham Washington Show? WWE Diva Tiffany as GM? It was definitely NOT a fitting send off. Regardless of what some “critics” are saying, Hardcore Justice succeeded. Aside from not hearing Joey Styles call the matches and the absence of Paul Heyman, for fans of ECW, this was a proper reunion.

TNA wrestler Matt Morgan talked about how he used to be a bouncer at Bar A in Belmar, NJ when they held an ECW show in their volleyball sandpit. “People came by the drones,” Morgan said. Did you mean droves, Matt?

Although playing second fiddle to WWE is not TNA’s mission statement, it’s a title they have been living with for several years now. Dedicating an entire pay per view to ECW was a risky manuever by owner of TNA, Dixie Carter. It was a chance to say “Hey, we’re not only a wrestling company, but we are fans of wrestling history as well.” Even the most superficial fan has to respect that the company handed over the booking for an entire pay per view to Tommy Dreamer and told the rest of their roster to take the night off. Or is it just that TNA was in a paralyzing submission hold desperately reaching for the ratings rope? Whatever their reasoning, I had fun watching the event.

“Kahoneys” aka Balls Mahoney hails from NUTley, New Jersey

The fact that the ECW guys were reuniting on a show run by a company who is hungry to finally establish themselves lent a more genuine feel as opposed to having Vince throw tons of money at the ECW alums just to have an artificial moment and higher buy rates. In fact, this was almost too genuine. Some of the competitors haven’t missed a step. Seeing The F.B.I cut a rug…I mean a ring mat, hearing that Simon STILL has a problem, Kid Kash’s spring board off the top rope, and the extreme drama of Raven and Tommy Dreamer’s final showdown showed that these guys are still as entertaining and bookable today.

Raven was born in Short Hills, NJ

Can MacGruber Save WWE Raw at The Meadowlands from SUCKING?

Posted on April 19, 2010 by sexyarmpit

The stars of the upcoming SNL movie, MacGruber, will be guest hosting WWE Monday Night Raw tonight on USA which emanates from The Izod Center in East Rutherford, NJ.

Classic WWF/WWE Event Cards from New Jersey #5

Posted on January 19, 2010 by sexyarmpit

Have you ever seen an interrogation scene? You know that sort of scene where the hard edged, no nonsense detective won’t let up and shines that excessively bright dangling light down at the suspects face? Well, that would be the serious method of finding out whodunit. The other way to find the culprit would be to hire Leslie Nielsen, no, not Frank Drebin, but the actor who starred in Police Squad, and Naked Gun and about 200 other movies and TV shows. What kind of missing person would warrant a Vince McMahon making a phone call to Leslie Nielsen? The Undertaker, of course! (BTW, Nielsen is also available for finding lost astromech droids)

Back in 1994, one the WWF writers thought it would be cute to have various fans and celebrities claim that they spotted The Undertaker. Taker had been out since the Royal Rumble earlier that year when Yokozuna beat him at his own game, a casket match. After getting sealed into a double wide, double deep casket meant for the the 640 lb. Yokozuna, Taker soared up through the rafters to WWF heaven, or, vacation time as it’s commonly known to the nation’s work force. The Undertaker wound up facing The Undertaker at Summerslam 1994, and it wasn’t as bad as it sounds, and it’s nothing compared the shit the WWE regurgitates nowadays.

The Summer Sizzler Tour made a stop at the Meadowlands Arena on August 27, 1994, a couple of days before the biggest Pay Per View of the summer. Considering the climate in the wrestling world right now, it’s definitely interesting to look back on this card.

Bret “Hitman” Hart, who recently made a return to the WWE, tagged up with Razor Ramon, a.k.a Scott Hall, who is in TNA now, and in desperate need of some of that ICOPRO that they were always promoting back then, even on this list of matches! They took on the late Owen Hart and Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart, Bret’s former partner whose daughter Natalya presently manages the Hart Dynasty in WWE. You getting all this so far? This match was set to amp up the interest in the Bret/Owen feud and get the audience to buy the PPV. One of half of the main event at Summerslam 1994 was Bret facing his brother Owen in a steel cage. Hitman won the match and afterward he got beat up by Owen and Anvil.

I missed Two Dudes with Attitudes (Diesel (Kevin Nash) and Shawn Michaels) win the tag titles by one night. The night after this NJ house show they won the tag belts from The Headshrinkers and went into Summerslam with the gold.

Not much has changed in the WWF’s women’s division. It wasn’t as exciting as the Wendi Richter days after they brought it back in 1993. Around this time, WWF pushed the hell out of Alundra Blayze and they threw every female that was willing to compete at her. The freaky and formidable Japanese wrestler Bull Nakano challenged Blayze here. Apparently Nakano is a professional golfer now. It was just a natural progression I suppose.

There’s no question that the WWF pulls some atrocious crap out of their asses and this house show was no exception. Mabel aka Viscera teamed with Doink the Clown to take on Jeff Jarrett and the late great Jersey icon Bam Bam Bigelow. Talk about burying talent! Did they really have to embarrass Jarrett and Bigelow like this? I’ve been trying to erase the memory of Mabel’s purple and gold jumpsuit every since Men on a Mission first debuted in WWF.

As for the other garbage on this card, Bob Holly took on one half of the Quebecers, Pierre, who also wrestled as a pirate named Jean Pierre LaFitte. The only thing that could be said about this match is that The Bushwackers vs. The Heavenly Bodies was more entertaining. The opening match featured Adam Bomb vs. Kwang, the green mist spitting masked ninja or otherwise known as Savio Vega. I’ve said it plenty of times here on The Sexy Armpit, and that is that Adam Bomb was cool. I don’t care. He hailed from Three Mile Island!!! If only I had one of those little bomb squad football missiles he used to throw out to his Bomb Squad Members. That would’ve made The Summer Sizzler Tour a worthwhile outing.

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol. 28: Dennis Miller on WWE Raw

Posted on December 17, 2009 by sexyarmpit

WWE Monday Night Raw has taken a nose dive ever since they started with this special guest host garbage. Grabbing low tier celebs in attempts to surge ratings is a piss poor stunt. Whatever happened to improving storylines, actually training talent instead of just throwing them on TV, and instead of bragging about being the “longest running weekly episodic television show in history,” a factoid they announce ad nauseum, why not prove it on the show? Monday Night Raw used to have literally epic stuff happening. When WWF was ailing in the mid ’90s, before Stone Cold and The Rock brought a big boom back to the wrestling biz, WWF Monday Night Raw was revolutionary wrestling programming. The last few years Raw has plummeted and last Monday’s episode did not help to raise the bar.

You too can be guest host of Monday Night Raw, but only if you have something to promote. Dennis Miller was promoting USA Cares, the non profit group that provides financial assistance to military families, which he’s the spokesperson for. From a programming standpoint, there was no better time to feature Miller on the show since WWE’s Tribute to the Troops airs this week. Also, many viewers watching may be more apt to donate money during the holidays. While I’m on the subject of things unrelated to wrestling, Dennis Miller’s weak shtick was chock full of random, forced pop references. Name dropping Amy Winehouse, Courtney Love, and MTV’s Jersey Shore all in the same joke was kind of a stretch. Half of the fans in the arena in Corpus Christi, Texas that night weren’t even alive when Hole was popular. Now Jersey Shore on the other hand really grabs people.

Miller also made another reference to New Jersey as he sent a dig to Mr. McMahon. Miller said “Vince will be at The Chuckle House this Friday, Route 67 in Paramus New Jersey.” The best thing about New Jersey is that no matter whether it’s Saturday Night Live or WWE Raw, New Jersey almost always provides a winning punchline. I don’t care if we are the brunt of all the jokes because it provides me with more fodder.

If you Google “The Chuckle House Paramus New Jersey,” you won’t find any info on a comedy club in New Jersey. As much the NJ connoisseur that I am, I could not find any info on The Chuckle House. This may have been a comedy club back in the day, or it still operates with absolutely no web presence whatsoever, which is unheard of. Of course, there’s the other possibility that Miller just made this joint up out of thin air. Although, in case you were wondering, Route 67 is a real road in NJ.

Instead of being relevant to the wrestling industry, the guest hosts have been B-list celebs and people who aren’t even connected with the Raw audience. Wouldn’t logic dictate that they should feature WWE HOF wrestlers, managers, valets, and former commentators as guest hosts? I can understand if a celebrity plays into a storyline, but asking a guest host to be on the show just for the hell of it or to get onto more headlines on the Internet is a good ploy, but really f-cking stupid. Since Miller has veered toward politics rather than making people laugh, he seems like an odd choice for guest host. I’m happy they teased the upcoming appearance of Bret “The Hitman” Hart hosting Raw since he’s an icon in the business. That leaves me with only one question: Where the f-ck is Craig DeGeorge?!?!?! Now he’s my choice for guest host!

The Headbangers: Lazer Tag Champions!

Posted on November 15, 2009 by sexyarmpit

This late night WWE program aired from 1997-1999

Unlike today, WWE had quite an array of tag teams in the late ’90s. One of those teams hailed from New Jersey and comprised Glen Ruth (Thrasher) of Camden and Charles Warrington (Mosh) of Cherry Hill. Before they were heavy metal punks, The Headbangers (Mosh and Thrasher) were first introduced as “The Flying Nuns” on WWE Shotgun Saturday Night. They lacked the cuteness of Sally Field so naturally that gimmick didn’t last.

Nowadays, for some reason, the WWE tries to pretend the former tag team champions never existed. I don’t see why. Maybe it was because they wore kilts and sports bras over their shirts? The Headbangers weren’t on par with say…The Hart Foundation in the ring or anything, but they had a great deal of presence and a cool gimmick in my book. It was good to see a couple of guys whose entire shtick was tailored to the fact that they were into metal and punk music. Whether they actually listened to Wayne Newton or Pantera on their own time was their business.

If you were a WWF/WWE fan up until that point you’d know that the company barely acknowledged any type of outside entertainment unless it was an artist or band that was appearing to sing the national anthem at Wrestlemania. It seemed to me as a young kid that the WWE writers took us all for shut in morons who didn’t know what was going on in the world around us. They came a long way from the Rock N Wrestling connection that was ushered in by Hulk Hogan, Cyndi Lauper, and Captain Lou. Thankfully, WWE realized their mistake and now uses music to their full advantage in advertising and in the wrestlers theme songs.

It just seemed like The Headbangers didn’t get a fair shake. If their gimmick was tweaked a bit they may have been taken more seriously. At least they’ll always have this kick ass Lazer Tag advertisement they starred in to hang on the wall in their dining room forever.