R2D2 is now an Awesome Astromech Aquarium!

I just read about an R2-D2 aquarium on Boing Boing that’s available at Hammacher and Schlemmer. I hope R2 doesn’t forget about the fish he’s storing in his “rusty innards!”

here’s the item summary from Hammacher and Schlemmer:
Modeled after the most well-known astromech droid in the galaxy, this R2-D2 holds a 1 3/4-gallon aquarium tank in his central compartment, ideal for a small freshwater family of goldfish, gouramis, or tetras. The domed head rotates with any vocal command you issue and he utters his familiar “bleeps” from the Star Wars movies. His radar eye houses the eyepiece to a built-in periscope that provides an intimate view of the aquatic activity below, allowing you to watch your charges swim towards the food you’ve dropped in from the dome’s removable feeding door. Includes filter and overhead LED tank lights that randomly morph between red, blue, and green (lights can be disabled). Includes a two-sided waterproofed cardboard insert depicting scenes from the movie as a background.

Battle Damage He-Man T-Shirt Winner!


The rules of the He-Man T-Shirt contest:
1) If you were He-Man, what Eternian/Etherian girl would you want to bang and why? ***This can include anyone from Queen Marlena (but your my mo—) to Frosta

2) What would you (as He-Man) for your first date with her? I love being Chuck Woolery, he’s an idol of mine.

Obviously I’m not eligible to enter my own contest, but if I was, it would definitely be a toss up between Glimmer and Frosta. I’m good either way. Glimmer’s deceiving because she’s a goody two shoes on the outside but she’s a hardcore party girl so don’t let her fool you. At least Frosta is blatant about her sexual attraction to He-Man. I think if I had a date with Frosta we might go to a nice little dinner at The Melting Pot just to be ironic. From then on it’s over the top perversion, so I won’t even go into detail. See, I almost had you! You thought I was going to settle for just Frosta? Silly you! If you can recall just a few sentences back I described how Glimmer was a real party whore, so she’s obviously going to be down for an “etherian ethreeway” as it’s known in those parts. All while you’re trying to tag two Etherian dames, you need to keep your eyes peeled because somewhere around your bedroom Loo-kee is hiding and you have to find that cagey, multicolored motherfucker.

Even though I only received 3 “official” entries it was difficult choosing a winner. By official I mean your entry isn’t eligible if you tell me your answer when I run into you while I’m at the grocery store picking up milk. The winning of He-Man T-Shirts is serious business! I came to my final decision today and I thank the 3 people who participated. I feel honored that my Sexy Armpit T-Shirt giveaway during Halloween was a runaway success compared to this one. I really thought more people would be clamoring for an obscure He-Man Tee, but who knows…the winner may just have this baby up on eBay as soon as they receive it! And now let’s take a look at the entries:

Laura from New Jersey wrote:

Since I’ll assume that I’m probably one of the only girls who entered this contest, I decided to take a few liberties. Sure I could pick any of the “hot” ladies in the world of MOTU but to the chagrin of many guys out there reading this, I’m just not into chicks. So, while I’d like to say that Catra is a dirty little minx and I want her paws all over me, that’s sadly not the case. I’m sorry.

I’m going to change the rules a bit since Jay didn’t think that a girl would want to enter. With that said, any guy reading my entry will automatically think I’d pick He-Man or Bow to go out on a date with but that’s surprisingly not the case at all.

My answer would be Orko. Just thinking of him working his magic on me gets me HOT! Even though his spells usually turn out disastrous I definitely give him credit for trying so hard. Not too many guys out there give such an incredible effort like Orko. Sometimes, it’s more charming when a girl sees a guy really trying and being creative rather than a jerk who acts like he’s God’s gift and everything he does in bed is perfect. OK, ok, the real reason why I chose Orko? He had THE BIG “O” on his chest!

Eric “Bubba Shelby” from California wrote:

Here are my answers (as He-Man of course!)

1) Madame Razz. I watch “Desperate Housewives,” I have every Teen Beat magazine issue
that features Ashton Kutcher, and my favorite film this summer was “Sex and The City,” so I know all about the Cougars! Rowr!

2) Obviously it would all begin when I held aloft my magic sword and said “I have the Poweeeeeeerrrrrr!!!!” I would then point my throbbing power sword at the quivering pussy and ZAP – That pussy will ROAR! After that I’ll strike a quick manly pose, glance from side to side, and run away.

Donovan Jacob S. from Gloucestershire, England:
I chose Zilora:

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1) Zilora…isn’t it obvious? She’s got hypnotic spiral breast coverings!

2) I would lure her to Zodac’s sex dungeon: Zodac’s Pleasure Shack, where Fisto would be waiting to perform his “trademark specialty” and Modulok would be ready with his “Mod-u-cock.” I’d take pictures and make a special ViewMaster disc to commemorate the event…

It was a close call between Eric and Donovan. Thinking of Madam Razz as a cougar is pretty damn funny but I ultimately had to go with Donovan’s genius creation of Zodac’s Pleasure Shack and the Fisto mention (he’s one of my favorites). How awesome would it be if we had cameras that took pictures directly to a Viewmaster reel? That would kick ass! Congratulations Donovan, you are a visionary and the winner of the He-Man Battle Damage T-Shirt! I had no idea The Sexy Armpit was being read in England! Unfortunately, the only parting gift I have for the contestants is a sincere THANK YOU to Eric and Laura for entering! I know…that’s a pretty lame parting gift, but it’s pretty low budget here at the Armpit.

BetaMaxmas brings you Holiday Specials Retro Style!

My friend Steve alerted me to this awesome site called Betamaxmas. As you can see from the screenshot, it’s a late ’70s or early ’80s living room fully equipped with a Christmas tree decorated with BIG BULBS, a TV set with rabbit ears and a remote control, and a Betamax player. On the TV set you can watch all different vintage holiday specials. If they come in a little fuzzy…just click the rabbit ears to adjust the reception! It’s amazing how fast technology has been “museumified.” A bonus is the classic TV guide listing on the top right.

A Twisted Sister Christmas at The Nokia Theatre in Times Square 12-5-08!

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Twisted Sister decked the halls of the Nokia Theater in Times Square REALLY HARD on December 5th, 2008 for their Christmas show and The Sexy Armpit was in attendance! If you’d like a visual aid, check out the video montage I edited up for you at the bottom of this post!

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I was impressed with opening acts ZO2 and The Dirty Pearls, both from Brooklyn. I’ve seen ZO2 live before, and their afroed frontman Paulie Z has a dynamic voice and a likeable personality. Bassist David Z and Drummer Joey Cassata are abundantly talented and make the tunes sound rockin’, even though they’ve got a run of the mill ’70s retro rock vibe. Regardless, I found myself wanting to come home and download “Isolate” and “Ain’t it Beautiful.” Their TV show Z-Rock airs on the Independent Film Channel, and it’s also available on iTunes.

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I’ve heard songs from The Dirty Pearls before but last night was the first time I saw them live. They’ve got plenty of hard rock swagger and sleaze but thankfully they don’t chince out on the great chorus’ and hooks. What’s with all the afros in rock music? Both of the aforementioned openers have bandmembers with afros. Didn’t we get the memo? The afro thing was over a few years ago!

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Hearing that Twisted Sister is playing Christmas music might seem cheesy to elitist music snobs, but they pull it off with cool to spare. You’d be surprised at how unbelievable Dee Snider’s voice sounds, it might be as strong as it was 20 years ago. I couldn’t make it to last year’s Twisted Christmas show, but I’m glad I was at this one because the entire band chewed up the Nokia Theatre and ate it for a midnight snack. Twisted consists of all original members (Dee, J.J, Mark, A.J, and Eddie) who effortlessly shred, hit, and berate their instruments yielding primal musical results. The band slashed through all their classic crushing tracks as well as the holiday fare from A Twisted Christmas, released in the fall of ’06. 
The Twisted Christmas extravaganza became nothing short of holiday TV variety show! Mini Kiss ushered Santa Snider’s sleigh onto the stage. And still looking sexy, Lita Ford strutted onstage in a skintight red hot vinyl body suit to sing “I’ll Be Home for Christmas,” with Dee. Another surprise was TNA Wrestling star, Mick Foley, who graced us by his presence disguised as Santa Claus offering to give the band members anything they wanted for Christmas. Naturally, Dee answered: “I WANNA ROCK!”
At the show, Dee announced that Twisted will release an album of all new material in ’09! And now onto my video montage of the show:

MINDGAME: “A Comic Psycho Thriller” Review 12/3/08

On Wednesday December 3rd, 2008 I drove into lower Manhattan, to review Mindgame, a play billed as a “comic psycho thriller” at the Soho Playhouse. When I see a play or movie I try to refrain from doing too much research prior to my experience in order to go into it without any preconceived notions. I won’t spoil too much and if by the end of reading this you decide to check out the play for yourself, I suggest going in with an open mind.

Mindgame is no mere mortal of a play, and while immersing yourself in it you’ll feel like you’re stomping up and down the stairs of MC Escher’s painting Relativity, never really reaching a destination. Although, those who persevere through this rich Mindgame will feel rewarded. You’ll be left with a lingering fallout of thoughts, possible conclusions, and a multitude of unanswered questions. If you don’t consider that a reward, then you should think of going to see Shrek the Musical instead.

In the lore of the play, best selling writer Mark Styler has come to a mental hospital in hopes of interviewing Eastman, a serial killer. Styler’s book Bloodbath chronicled the exploits of 9 notorious serial killers, but an interview with Eastman eluded him. Styler first has to meet with Dr. Farquhar, the head of the hospital, in order to get clearance to meet with Eastman. The enigmatic and seemingly dignified Farquhar is not aware of who Styler is, nor is he familiar with his apparent written request to interview one of his patients. The play’s comic tone grows eerie as the quest to figure out exactly what the hell is going on begins. Farquhar calls for his assistant, Nurse Plimpton, a couple of times until she finally arrives. In what seems like an outlandish ornament to the play in her pink wig, white vinyl nurses costume, fishnet stockings, and silver hooker boots, the sexy nurse isn’t just eye candy as you’ll find out. The nurse is noticeably uneasy judging by her uncomfortable chuckles that follow her dialogue.

In the events that follow, a scalpel, a vintage 1966 bottle of wine, a shopping bag from Marks and Spencer, and a straight jacket all come into play. You may have to call upon your days as household champion of Clue to sift through the conundrums that makeup Mindgame. In this case though, you can’t be sure Colonel Mustard is actually Colonel Mustard and you most definitely will not be able to rely on the old standby and blame the butler “Didit.” When we reach what seems to be a turning point in the play, there’s a revelation about one of the characters. At that moment it occurred to me that I may not have been mentally raising the right questions. I had to fine tune my thinking. After more revelations occur, it’s not obvious which one we’re supposed to believe. The play’s finale is left open to interpretation, and for that reason Mindgame is the epitome of clever and thought provoking.

Coming from a former English major, I’d say Mindgame is quite a juicy subject from a literary standpoint. I did not read the novel by Anthony Horowitz, but solely based on what I saw in the play, there’s a profuse amount of themes imbedded in it’s layers. So exactly how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of mind game? Chances are, the center will probably turn hard as a rock before you can even crack the candy coating. Don’t bite it and walk away or you’ll miss out on fully enjoying and appreciating the finer details. Here are just some of the themes of Mindgame: influence, identity, insanity, perversions, murder, contradictions, incest, homosexuality, liberation, psychoanalytic methods, cannibalism, BDSM, role reversal, deformity, self perception/public image, mind over matter, and the arousing nature and glorification of murderers like Jack the Ripper. Or it could be about none of those things. Confused?

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It’s hard to believe that only 3 actors created Mindgame onstage. Keith Carradine (Will Rogers Follies, TV’s Deadwood and Dexter) seamlessly stepped into the shoes of the doctor of the mental hospital, Farquhar while Lee Godart (Skylight, Copenhagen, and TV’s All My Children) vivified Mark Styler, the writer. The pair exchanged lines with artful elegance. Both actors utilized their superb comic timing while occasionally the play’s unpredictable nature forced them to erupt into skillfully executed volatile rages. Upon her entrance, Nurse Plimpton was a welcome addition to the stage, and my nether region. The nuances of her performance are to be savored. Kathleeen McNenny has starred in Richard III for the NJ Shakespeare Festival, TV’s Law and Order, and the film School of Rock, as well as numerous other TV and stage productions. Without this incredibly adept cast, Mindgame wouldn’t have been nearly as enjoyable.

Ken Russell directs the fine cast through the taught script of Mind game. Russell states in the director’s note in the playbill: “By the end of Act I on my first reading of Mindgame, I was ready for a small scotch. By the time I reached the grand finale, I was in need of a large one.” No matter how bemused by the script, Russell’s inspiration shines through in this well conceived production. Helping the translation from script to stage was Beowulf Boritt who has designed yet another exceptional set. The stage was set as Farquhar’s office and it contains several props and decoys of varying importance. Be perceptive and especially take a glance over at that morphing painting on the wall!

You’ll find Mindgame to be funny and suspenseful, yet mind boggling. It’s not as simple as it first seems. The play relies on atmosphere and dialogue so don’t expect big huge ensemble dance numbers. If you’re not down with perverse subject matter, or some scalpel slashing then you may want to sit this one out. The material is a bit challenging for someone who’s not a theater goer, it can be repetitive at times. The methodical nature of the script may just get you frustrated. But if you’re “all in” then pay attention to the subtle details, you may or may not need them! Is this not making sense to you? Good, that’s the point! It’s refreshing to know that much passion went into the production of Mindgame and it’s not just some slapped together stage show starring some already forgotten American idol reject. Even though it’s more to digest than recycled clichéd fare, it’s an experience you’ll be talking about for a long time so allow yourself to be engaged in the Mindgame! Back to The age old question What does it all mean? Carpet. Envelope. Wallpaper. Cigarette. Jelly. Yeah…that’s it! Intrigued?

MINDGAME
Soho Playhouse
15 Vandam Street
BTW 6th Ave & Varick

Paris Hilton Sprinkles New Jersey With Her Fairy Dust

Unbeknownst to me, Paris Hilton made an appearance at Macy’s in Woodbridge Center Mall yesterday to promote her new Fairy Dust perfume. Apparently she didn’t want to rekindle our old flame. The linked story at MyCentralJersey.com says there was about 300 fans on line to meet her. Someone needs to tell me this crap BEFORE it happens! She never returned my Masters of the Universe Season One Volume 2 DVD box set that I let her borrow. Bitch.

Trixter Rocks Dexter’s in Riverdale, New Jersey!

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I wasn’t about to travel to Pryor Creek, Oklahoma this past summer just to see a few boys from Paramus, New Jersey known as Trixter perform. For years, myself and many other fans of pop metal or the most insulting, heart wrenching adjective I can think of…hairbands, have been waiting patiently hoping that Trixter would reunite. Sure we’ve seen Warrant reunite with Jani Lane several thousand times, (FYI, Robert Mason is now lead singer) but what about Trixter? Steve (Stereo Fallout) and P.J (Ra) were in the successful local cover band Sugarbelly for years and they also released an extremely underrated CD as 40 Foot Ringo. Pete Loran and Mark “Gus” Scott haven’t been on the scene in quite some time, until now! It turns out that I didn’t have to head to Oklahoma to see a Trixter reunion after all!

On Friday, November 28th, all the original members of Trixter played their first show in New Jersey in over 13 years! Dexter’s Entertainment Complex in Riverdale was jammed and I could barely find parking. I’ve never been to Dexter’s so I wasn’t sure what to expect. I pulled into the lot and I thought I was Christmas shopping at the mall! After near endless attempts at finding a spot, I finally got one and made my way inside. I caught TNA’s performance which wasn’t bad. As TNA’s set came to an end, the place started filling up fast and I found myself getting moved closer to the stage.  

At around midnight, Trixter took the stage. It was a cool moment and I’m glad I got to be there. They tore through all of their staple songs like “One in a Million,” “Surrender,” and of course, ended their set with “Give it to Me Good.” If you’re into glam metal or hairbands and you’ve never listened to Trixter, then you definitely need to. “Heart of Steel” and “Bad Girl” are a couple of personal favorites. Also, their 1992 album Hear! features a slew of great songs that went criminally unnoticed. Trixter veers toward the poppier side of the genre much like Poison does, but Trixter’s musicianship and knack for upbeat pop is undeniable. The band has expressed their interest in recording a new album, and if that happens, I see it making more of an impact than many of the other hairbands enjoying this under the radar renaissance.

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Star Wars Gang Runway Modeling Ecko Line at Macy’s

Here’s some pics I snapped at Macy’s of Darth, Yoda, Boba, Chewie, and a Stormtrooper sashaying around in the new Marc Ecko Star Wars clothing line. I could almost hear Vader talking to Boba Fett “You’re money baby! You’re money!” Sucks for Ecko and Macy’s, but I think more people would actually want to buy the masks rather than the clothes.

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DAAAMN YODA! those are some big ass hands for one little dude! And Chewie looks like he’s wearing a toupe!

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He’s One Sexy Sith:
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Peculiar Food Habits

Most of us have our little food quirks. What better a day to discuss these eccentricities than on Thanksgiving? After you’re finished jamming the various courses into your stomach, please share with us some of your favorite weird, wacky food combos!
Some people I know can’t eat a meal if the food on their plate touches the other food. For instance if the broccoli hits the mashed potatoes in even the slightest way, or the potatoes got onto the steak they’ll freak the F out. Might as well throw the entire plate of food out! C’MON! I don’t mind if the food on my plate gets intermingled because of that old cliche “It all goes to the same place.” 
There’s also the folks that are obsessed with certain combinations of food. It’s not like they are just throwing different food or drinks together for the hell of it either. These are the type of people who have been creating these specific concoctions for their entire lives. Look at how popular Iced Tea & Lemonade has become! Shit, my Dad even created his own drink in the ’80s called Pep-Tea. Of course it sounded like some sort of gastric medication but I laughed my ass off after he purposely poured the remaining liquid at the bottom of a Pepsi bottle into his half full glass of iced tea. “Hey Jay, It’s Pep-Tea!” It was a one of a kind moment because he was genuinely proud of his comical creation. If it wasn’t violating tons of copyrights and infringing on trademarks, he would’ve marketed that shit. When I was a kid, while eating lunch at his house, my friend Greg dipped pretzels into strawberry ice cream. He asked if I wanted to try it and I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it, it just came completely out of left field to me. That reminds me of the outrageous practice of dipping french fries into a Wendy’s Frosty. That just seems like the work of Satan to me. Have you ever done that? As gross as I can get, I still won’t cross that line.
I have an abundant amount of food habits as well, but most of them consist of combining my food into a sort of witches brew. If I happen to be eating meatloaf and mashed potatoes I usually just mash the meat and some ketchup into the mashed potatoes into something similar to what KFC now sells as a “Famous Bowl.” In this instance, I feel like they’re pulling the old “let’s put water in bottles and sell it!” scheme. If someone ever told me that my cauldron of ketchup infused meaty mashed potatoes actually looked good, then I may have had a great idea on my hands. Of course, not one person ever said “Hey, that looks good!” or “I do that with meatloaf too!” I do the same thing if I’m eating Oreos which is super rare. I think it just seems more efficient rather than twisting the Oreo open and wasting time licking the creme. After that I’d have to dunk and wait until the cookie gets mushy, so I bypass all that and go for the gusto.  I’ll get a glass or a bowl of milk and just let the Oreos chill in there for a bit and then just eat them all soggy with a spoon as if it’s Oreo soup. Uh-oh…Oreo soup, get on it Nabisco!
There are also people that eat stuff that I just think is totally weird. Recently at work, I overheard a guy talking about how he enjoys eating pigs feet. He claims they taste “just like a juicy piece of steak.” The same guy says pickled eggs are great also. To me, these are fairly disgusting things to be putting in or around my mouth. Today especially, you’ll notice some of your friends or relatives eating the actual bones of turkey or chicken, and eating the marrow. Total barbarians!
Another whacked out concoction I’ve dabbled in occasionally when I was younger is Milk and Pepsi. At the time I had no idea that it was a favorite of Laverne’s from Laverne & Shirley. I used to watch reruns of it when I was very young but I never made the connection. My mother pointed it out one day and she got a kick out of it. Years later this lead me to try making a creamsicle type drink by mixing orange soda with milk. It may sound disgusting to some, but it’s actually pretty good. I’m actually not a straight milk drinker unless there’s some sort of dessert involved. I’ll never understand the Milk with Dinner abomination. Forget about coffee with lunch or dinner, that’s out of the question. Coffee is for breakfast or after a meal only!
It’s possible that I’m just lazy when it comes to food or I actually like tasting all the leftovers together at the same time. Sometimes I’ll take 3 different leftovers and throw them into one bowl, mix it all up, microwave it, and then throw some sauce on it (BBQ, ketchup, honey mustard etc). The less work I have to do to eat the better. I’m not passed throwing everything into a blender and drinking my meal either. My friend Steve used to make fun of my odd blending obsession by asking me “What are you drinking…a Meat smoothie?” I would never take part in ingesting something that disgusting, but if we can get closer to becoming the Jetsons in this world I’d be happy. I’d like to pop a “lunch” pill with all the important nutrients, vitamins, and protein my body needs to be operating at an optimum level. Think of how easy food shopping would become! We could probably just have a few bottles of tablets shipped to us.
Happy Thanksgiving! Let us know some of your weird food habits: