This is not a Halloween related post, but there will be more of that on the way! Right now, it’s New Jersey’s Governor Corzine being interviewed on The Daily Show with the great Jon Stewart! Stewart is one talented m’fer. (I’m sure it didn’t hurt that he grew up in Lawrenceville, N.J!)
Cineplex Odeon Memories: The Night I Was Ghostface
In addition to donning the bat costume earlier that year for the premiere of Batman and Robin, I was also tapped to play Ghostface from the Scream series in honor of the premiere of Scream 2 in December ’97 when I worked at the local Cineplex Odeon Theater at the Menlo Park Mall. My coworkers were aware that I was a huge horror fan as well as completely obsessed with the first Scream film. Electing me to stalk the popcorn gorging, giant soda drinking filmgoers while threatening that that I’d “gut them like a fish,” was a given.
Compared to spending 6-8 hours shaking hands and sweating in the hot, awkward bat costume, I took much pleasure running around in the free flowing, comfortable Ghostface costume. Stalking theatergoers with a fake knife and sneaking up on unsuspecting girls coming out of the bathroom became my pastime for the evening. The most memorable part of being Ghostface happened during each presentation of the film. Right after the moment Jada Pinkett has her excessively dramatic death scene in the film within a film STAB, the Scream title slashes onto the screen. During the short fade to black, a theater usher slammed through the emergency exit door and up the aisle in the dark theater as if he was being chased. Seconds later, wielding a knife high above my head, I barreled through the door and sprinted up the aisle after him. When I reached the door to the lobby I blasted through it and had a laugh with my fellow employee, Victor. In the fleeting seconds that the stunt took place, I remember feeling quite a rush as I heard almost the entire crowd scream and gasp in shock and fear.
What made the occurence even that much more clever was the fact that that part of the movie featured a “film within a film,” which blurred the lines of fiction and reality. I like to believe that my performance magnified that idea and added a little more thrill to the atmosphere.
Would you expect something like that to happen when you’ve spent nearly 10 minutes immersed in a film that you payed $8 bucks (at the time) to see? Nowadays anything that can be classified as an “interruption” would start a line of 12 people complaining in attempts for free passes. As I noted in “The Day I Got To Be Batman” I give credit to the Cineplex Odeon theater staff for taking liberties and being creative as film exhibitors.
It’s not everyday you walk into a movie theater and see a cavernous homemade Batcave erected or a knife wielding killer from a horror film chasing innocent ushers through the theater at high speed. I would’ve liked to have been one of the people watching Scream on that Friday night. It was almost a throwback to gimicks like “smell-o-vision.” I would love movies to become more of an event, like when I go to see an film in IMAX. Do you think witnessing the killer chasing someone through the theater would intensify your viewing experience? Maybe if it doesn’t succeed at creeping you out, it would definitely make for a memorable bit of conversation!
Nocturna Mission #3
It’s nearly impossible to keep track of the sizzling love affair between Batman and the Mistress of the Night, Nocturna. Seriously people! In our last post they were just fighting over a Robin costume at a Halloween store! And now these two crazy kids are passionately sucking face on the cover of Detective Comics #556 from way back in November of 1985!
All I know is, if DC Comics ever released one of those Fabio type romance novels, then the cover would be exactly the same as the one on this issue! The cover art is truly fantastic with a very detailed version of the quintiessential ’80s Batman sticking his tongue down this goth bitch Nocturna’s throat. Makes me want to do it too. Good for him. Every guy has a fetish. At the time Batman was into thieving, underhanded goth chicks.
The skies are pouring with red rain and Nocturna’s babbling on about the night being “raped.” What the hell is going on? I’m convinced that this has to be the Anne Rice version of Batman. Then Jason Todd is having his little Oedipus complex with Nocturna. Heck, I probably would too, look at her cleavage! You know she’s sitting like that on purpose! And keep in mind BLOOD droplets are falling onto her ghostly white skin! It probably looked like a bomb pop when the red part started melting and dripping onto the white middle part. Yummy! Lick it up. It’s only right now!
Look at the way her legs are wrapped around that rope! Makes me feel kinda funny. Hey Papparazzi…where are you when we need some Nocturna upskirts? Who gives a shit about Lindsay Lohan? Where are those damn photographers when we have some real business to take care of? We have a certified klepto-goth hybrid chick with a hot bod climbing a friggin’ rope with her dress flailing all over the place and no photographers to be found. Useless creeps!
Whoa, wait a minute…was this Detective Comics or an episode of Passions? How does Batman even put up with her absurd rhetoric? Nocturna’s clearly only good for one thing: making out!
Oh man, I could feel the melodrama sticking all over me like it was marshmallow filling in a chocolate pumpkin.
Toxic Avenger Halloween Party!
Hey there Armpit Readers! The Toxic Avenger himself just sent me this Breaking News Bulletin in case you still don’t have plans for Halloween:
New Brunswick’s George Street Playhouse Celebrates:
A Toxic Halloween!
October 30 and 31, 2008
THURSDAY OCTOBER 30 – Toxic Avenger Filmmaker Lloyd Kaufman and K-Rock’s Street Team Will Be On Hand for a Monster Happy Hour
FRIDAY OCTOBER 31st – Audience Members Encouraged to Come Dressed to Thrill for Fun and Prizes
New Brunswick, NJ – Ghosts and goblins are usually the thing around the end of October – so why not add a mutant green freak to the mix? George Street Playhouse is celebrating the spooky holiday in a big green way with two holiday themed events: Toxie’s Monster Happy Hour on Thursday, October 30 and Toxic Trick or Treat on Friday, October 31.
The creator of The Toxic Avenger, Lloyd Kaufman, will be on hand following the performance on Thursday, October 30 to meet and greet party goers at Toxie’s Monster Happy Hour. In addition, members of K-Rock’s Street Team will be on hand to kick the party into high gear with music, fun and giveaways. Tickets to this monster of a party range from $39-$59, depending on seat location, and include both the 8pm performance of The Toxic Avenger and the party following the show.
GSP staffers will be on the prowl awarding prizes to audience members in costume Friday, October 31 as part of a rockin’ Halloween performance of The Toxic Avenger. Costumes do not have to be connected with the show; audience members of all ages are encouraged to don their costumes of any type.
Tickets to both special events are available through the George Street Playhouse Box Office 732-246-7717 by phone or in person, or by visiting the Playhous website: www.GSPonline.org. George Street Playhouse is located at 9 Livingston Avenue in the heart of New Brunswick’s Dining and Entertainment District.
New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.11: The Misfits Form in Lodi, NJ
I’m always amused when I see people’s reaction the first time they hear a KISS song. Throughout my entire life of being a KISS fan, everyone has always said “Oh I can’t listen to KISS, that’s like death metal.” Many people who have only seen KISS think their sound is more in line with their look. Aside from their typical “Rock and Roll all Nite” fare, take a listen to songs like “Hard Luck Woman,” “I Still Love You,” and “See You In You Dreams,” and you’ll hear that Kiss is the furthest thing from death metal. On the other hand, while they’re not death metal in the least, unlike Kiss, The Misfits sound is more in line with their image.
In 1977, The Misfits came together in Lodi, New Jersey. Named after a Marilyn Monroe film, their ghoulish, macabre makeup was attention grabbing and even more sinister than that of KISS and Alice Cooper. At first listen, their music sounds like simple guttural punk, yet it somehow perfectly evokes the nostalgic and eerie feeling of old horror movies. 30 years after the bands inception, The Misfits are credited as being the innovators of “Horror punk.”
A slew of bands cite The Misfits as one of their influences such as Metallica, and My Chemical Romance. Their skull logo can be seen everywhere, even if the kids wearing it don’t know what it stands for. It’s the MISFITS muthatruckas! Even with the departure of Glenn Danzig and various lineup changes, The Misfits are still terrorizing the country. Check out their tour dates to see when they’ll be in your neighborhood.
Now check out a few Misfit facts:
– Bassist, vocalist, and former WCW wrestler extraordinaire Jerry Only is known for inventing the “devilock” hairstyle seen here (2nd in from the left):
– The Misfits named their legion of fans “Fiends.” Their fiend club is their equivalent of the Kiss Army.
– This bit of interesting info comes courtesy of The Misfits website (www.misfits.com):
“The Misfits and their “Fiend Club” also became instrumental in petitioning for the release of the U.S. Classic Movie Monster Stamp series which, among other of their heroes, featured Bela Lugosi Sr., as Dracula, Ben Chapman as the Creature from the Black Lagoon, and of course, Boris Karloff as Frankenstein.”
– Here’s probably the most interesting thing I found about the Misfits:
The Misfits operate out of North Jersey where they own a machine shop and a knife factory. Not only do they make their own instruments but also their amps, studded straps and spiked leather jackets! The Misfits also fashion their very own stage sets and props!
– George Romero directed this Misfits video for “Scream” in exchange for letting Romero use 2 of their songs in his film Bruiser.
Video for “American Psycho” with an awesome intro:
Here you can see the craziness of a 1981 Misfits show as they perform one of their signature songs “Halloween”:
Here’s a really cool homemade video for their song “Vampira”:
The Sexy Armpit Goes to Nightmare: Bad Dreams Come True in New York City
After I wrote this entry I realize, “gee maybe I should Google this idea before I write it.” Of course, the same showdown appeared over at Geekanerd’s awesome blog in ’07. Luckily, I detailed this year’s Blood Manor in an earlier post and this review focuses mainly on Nightmare NY. Either way, I’m sure you’ll find this review helpful if you’re thinking of going to a haunted house in New York City. If you haven’t done so already, please read my review of BLOOD MANOR before you read this post.
Recently, The Sexy Armpit took a trip to the lower east side of Manhattan (CSV Cultural Center 107 Suffolk Street at Rivington) for Nightmare:Bad Dreams Come True. This haunted walk through bills itself as “New York’s Most Horrifying Haunted House,” and from my experience I can tell you that it definitely isn’t. This is one of the more hyped haunted attractions in New York City, and even though I commend it’s effort, it didn’t make me feel nearly as scared as Blood Manor did. Here’s why:
“Nightmare New York” attempts to make you feel as if you’re walking through someone’s bad dream. My major complaint is that each phase of the walk through seemed to fall flat without having a “home run” scare before you went into the next room. I realize not all of the rooms should have a major scare, but I felt myself wanting to be more scared. For instance, in one room there’s a small Asian girl (Asian girls have the monopoly on horror nowadays) getting out of bed while the covers and bedsheets come off of her by themselves. I didn’t find this very unsettling since it looked too mechanical. Then the little girl gets up and walks over to the door to coerce us into the next room. Now don’t think I’m being overly picky here, but as she got out of bed and started walking past the visitors in the room, it was a perfect opportunity for her to scare us or for something to happen to her. This was probably just a transitional room so I assume that the covers coming off the girl was the big scare. It just seems like there were missed opportunities for scares. What if she kept her head down the whole time and then when she was finished walking over to the door she moved her head up and her eyeballs are all white and she has black goo pouring out of her mouth. That’s one of the many possibilities that I’ve come up with. But they can call me if they’d like to discuss.
Please consider that I’m not the type of guy who likes to have constant extreme gore and loud noises battering my senses every second like the younger SAW generation. I love to get creeped out, but I think it’s the authenticity of the actors in Blood Manor that makes it the winner. Since when are gross hillbilly guys scary? It seems like there’s a heck of a lot of horror movies that feature redneck mutants and that’s just not scary at all. One of the rooms in Nightmare NY contains a platform where one of these rednecks resides. He looks like he’s into some kind of torture and he’s knocking back brews and crushing the cans and and dropping them on the platform. Once the full group enters the room he starts blathering on about something and says he’s got a surprise for us. He begins to motion toward his crotch as the the lights go out. Then, Johnny Redneck squirts water across the room at all of us as if he’s pissing on us. Real nice! That’s class. I’m not being stuffy, but when I think of haunted houses I truly want to feel frightened, not grossed out. I think the horror movies of today are to blame. If horror producers weren’t so concerned with cutting limbs and fingers off and torturing people maybe the climate in the horror genre would be different. Why did the “gross out” shift in horror occur anyway? If I was going to “Gross You Out NYC” then I’d probably have given them a good write up. I guess I’m just a purist when it comes to classic horror and psychological thrills.
Nightmare NY is the clear winner in the length of time it takes to go through the attractions. Nightmare NY actually contains 2 separate attractions for the price of one. I would say that it took about a half hour (give or take 5 minutes) to get through both attractions while Blood Manor was no longer than 20 minutes. In this case though, the length of the attraction doesn’t make up for the fact that I didn’t find it scary at all.
I was hoping that the the second part of Nightmare, called Nightmare Legends had some familiar movie characters. There were only a few but you won’t see your favorite characters like Freddy or Jason. Legends starts out with a room that has the corpse of Frankenstein’s monster moving his torso up and down as if he’s going to get up. What I didn’t like about the second part was that there were red buttons that had to be pushed to get the “action” of the room to engage. Naturally there were a bunch of goons in front of me who incessantly pressed the button if nothing happened instantly. Then they would start touching everything in the room thinking they were going to activate the specific room’s display. It was a big mistake giving the people the power to activate the displays because that not only allowed them to act like douchebags but also took away from the spontaneous feeling that these haunted attractions need in order to be scary. When you have to press a button then it seems like any old display in a seasonal Halloween store. “Hey kids! You can buy this life size corpse of Frankenstein’s monster for your front yard for only $800 bucks! Quick, yell for your parents and then press this red button to see me rise from the grave!”
The physical aspect of Nightmare NY turned me off. You’ll see warnings abound before you go into the attraction that there are a few instances where you will need to be “physical” to make it through to the next room. The first obstacle that I had to make it through was a door made up of 2 inflated walls smooshed together. I basically had to muscle my way through it. I’m a pretty claustrophobic guy and I really didn’t enjoy that part especially knowing that it’s been pressed up against a thousand other sweaty people. Keep in mind that it’s pitch dark and at first I didn’t even understand how to get through the contraption in the first place because even with my superior night vision (!) I didn’t see the slit that I had to force myself through. Finally, I realized what I had to do. I guess I was disappointed that I worked for a scare that never happened. Another room had visitors crawl onto and over some little girls bed. The scary part was supposed to be that the girl was actually kneeling on the bed spazzing out from a nightmare.
All I can say is that if you’re planning a “haunted house night” in the metro area, then do some online research first. Let Google help make your decision for you. It’ll help your wallet because admission to these attractions are usually quite a few doubloons. Usually these haunted houses are about $20-30 dollars admission and you may have to shell out more for transportation or gas depending on where you live. If you feel like you were just totally gypped after you come out of the haunted house then you just blew some cash you could’ve spent on a couple of DVD’s! You also may want to make a night of it and get a little tanked before or after the attraction. Both Nightmare and Blood Manor offer alcoholic beverages but Blood Manor features an actual swank lounge where you can sit and drink with your friends in style. In this grudge match of haunted houses, for me it’s no contest, BLOOD MANOR contains more higher quality scares, better actors, and it’s way closer to NY Penn Station than Nightmare NY.
Nocturna Mission #2
Tonight, The Sexy Armpit will take a look at Detective Comics #543 which features “The Battle of the Century! Nocturna vs. Batman…and the prize is ROBIN!” The cover of this issue is colorful and awesome. Nocturna’s ghostly skin and blueish/black hair really stands out. The Batman logo underneath the Detective Comics header has always been my favorite. To be real for a second, it looks like Batman and Nocturna are about to go at it for the LAST Robin costume at a local Gotham Halloween store before closing time on October 30th! Maybe there’s a kids in their extended families who really wanted to dress up as Robin this year?
NOCTURNA: “That’s my Robin costume Batman! Get your gloves off!”
BATMAN: “Nocturna, you’re unwillingness to let this Robin costume go will only get you further
into trouble. Stealing is a crime! You’ll spend the rest of your life in the Gotham State Penitentiary!
NOCTURNA: Your cowl has apparently stopped the oxygen flow to your brain because ain’t NO WAY IN HELL you’re getting this vintage Jason Todd era Robin costume. I’m calling Halloween store security.
BATMAN: Don’t bother, you won’t know which one is the real security guard or the store employee modeling their security guard costume, which is new this year. I’ve taken the liberty of ensuring that both of them were walking around at precisely this moment because I knew you and I might’ve had a run in. I’ve also taken the precaution of ingesting a special super strong bat-antidote pill just for the heck of it.
NOCTURNA: Do you know why we don’t have sex anymore? Cause you’re truly a bore, do you know that? Now give me this damn costume!
BATMAN: Possession is 9/10ths of the law Nocturna! Don’t make me call Chief O’Hara!
NOCTURNA: I will have anything I want, even if I have to steal it!
…the real store security comes running over to the scuffle…
SECURITY: Unhand that costume Nocturna! It belongs to Batman! You’re under arrest
for stealing store merchandise!
NOCTURNA: WHAT?
BATMAN: You see Nocturna, I obviously didn’t need another Robin costume, especially since I have about 75 extra ones in the Batcave that Alfred made up. This is just a little thing I like to call entrapment.
NOCTURNA: YOU SCOUNDREL!
BATMAN: Now maybe if you would’ve opened up those long cadaverous legs of yours for some bat-action once in a while then this wouldn’t have happened, you bloodless bitch!
Hey, check out that Fun House…it reminds me of the one from Dark Ride!
Pumpkin Orgasm, I’m Not Faking It!
Eating this Russell Stover milk chocolate orange marshmallow pumpkin was a strange moment in my life.
A close friend of mine codename: Ace Johnson recently posted a comment on my MySpace page that said “Jay loves pumpkin orgasms in his mouth.” I can’t deny it. I’m in a marshmallow pumpkin state of mind. This marshmallow happens to have used spray on tan. So what?
Occasionally a certain food or drink does something in your mouth that’s unexpected. Unless you try new food and beverages every day, it’s nearly impossible to be surprised by foods or feel like your presence has been altered by them in some way. A cheeseburger tastes like a cheesburger every time you enjoy one. Each time you eat a burger you know what to expect unless it’s on a different type of roll, has fruit roll-ups on it instead of lettuce, or it’s slathered in some special sauce that you have never tasted. The experience is usually pretty similar to the previous.
If you can say that your mouth has engaged in a sexual experience with a marshmallow pumpkin on more than one occasion, then that’s definitely something you’d want to Twitter.
I’m sure you hear about a lot of new products hitting the shelves. There’s new sodas that have lime infusions, or vanilla flavoring. There’s even new potato chips that taste like baby back ribs, while others have guacamole flavoring. In my time on earth I don’t recall ever hearing about a chocolate covered pumpkin that featured orange flavored marshmallow filling. Someone on LSD must’ve thought this combo up. It makes sense though…a pumpkin is orange, hence the marshmallow inside the choclate pumpkin should taste…ORANGEY! I found my previous interaction with a chocolate marshmallow pumpkin to be quite enjoyable regardless of the fact that the actual pumpkin looked more like a shit dumpling than a pumpkin. Rest assured, Russell Stover has presented a more accurate choco-pumpkin than the non-orange Hershey’s counterpart. They should be proud!
I sliced into the well formed choco-pumpkin with a semi sharp knife, as not to bruise the dainty treat. BEHOLD! Inside lies the most ooey-gooey bright orange marshmallow filling EVER!
It was time to do what I always do when I come in close contact with a chocolate pumpkin that has orange marshmallow filling, why that would be lick it up and down to make sure I can capture the flavor properly…of course!
I can’t believe what you’re thinking right now, you sick fuck!
Doesn’t it just SCREAM: EAT ME, BITCH!
I follow that up with a circular motion and then I do some fancy moves that Gene Simmons taught me. The pumpkin was so into it. I said to my little orange pumpkin “I know you like that you’re a little nasty choco pumpkin aren’t you? Naturally, it was delighted and begged and pleaded for me to insert itself further into my mouth.
Sinking my teeth into the soft, wet, mushy, orange center was a delight. Having the chocolate crumble into and mash together with the fluffy orangeshmallow while it was being chomped about felt like a flavor mushroom cloud exploding right inside my mouth.
Chocolate…
Pumpkin…
Wet…
orangeshmallow…
Oooohhhhh….
BOOM!
Explosion…
It was a strange moment in my life.
And I didn’t fake it.
NAME THE SEXY ARMPIT GIRL CONTEST!!!
The Sexy Armpit’s MONSTROUS HALLOWEEN PRIZE PACK is now up for grabs!!!
This is all you have to do:
1) Help me come up with a NAME for the hot chick on the top left of this screen, you know, the one wearing The Sexy Armpit T-Shirt, the one leaning up against a Turnpike sign covered in sludge, YES that one! I need to come with a name for her. It could be anything from Anastasia to Suzie, or from Margath to Mercedes. If you’re the winner, I can’t say that I will definitely wind up using the name you submit, but it will definitely help narrow my choices! The sexier and skankier, the better!! Remember, this is the type of girl you want to receive a lapdance from. That is…after she cleans off all that Jersey gunk. Or she can keep it on if that’s your bag. I don’t want to read any names like Mary, Kate, or Ashley. Try to give me some that even my outlandish mind wouldn’t think of! If you feel like throwing in some that will make me chuckle, feel free! Have some fun with it! REMEMBER, she’s a Jersey Girl!
2) E-mail your choice/choices to sexyarmpit@comcast.net
3) One winner will be selected and they’ll take home THE SEXY ARMPIT’S MONSTROUS HALLOWEEN PRIZE PACK!!!
The prize pack consists of:
– A Very Limited Edition Sexy Armpit T-Shirt!!! Very few were printed up since I literally had to take out a second mortgage just to pay for them.
– TWO (count ’em 2!) FREE PASSES to MONSTER MINI GOLF! The folks at Monster Golf were nice enough to send over some giveaways after they saw my review and You Tube montage that I made! Monster Mini Golf is an indoor glow in the dark 18-hole mini golf course with locations all over the country. The passes are good at all locations.
– Jack O’Lantern DVD – The worst movie of all time. Perfect watch with your friends while you’re drinking. DVD is brand new, bought specifically for this contest so some unsuspecting soul could be dragged into the depths of MOVIE HELL just like I was when I watched this piece of crap.
New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.10: What NOT to Watch This Halloween: Dark Ride
I should’ve known that any movie the Sci-Fi Channel airs that’s not an established classic usually sucks ass. I wish I would’ve watched their presentation of After Dark Films 8 Films to Die For: Dark Ride (2006) before I unwittingly purchased the DVD.
I admit I was enticed by hearing that there was finally a horror movie about a Dark Ride. Who doesn’t love Dark Rides? If it was up to me, when you walk into my condo you’re automatically invited onto a boat and take a dark ride through the place. The only catch is that the only way to get around the condo is to take the dark ride. I’d wake up in the morning with my pajamas on and my eyes half shut and take the boat over to the bathroom. I’d do my thing, wash my face, and then hop on again over to the kitchen for breakfast as I narrowly escape some robotic monsters trying to kill me. What? It’s time to go to work? This boat is damn slow and we aren’t even passed the walking corpses and the Pinhead animatronic display! I hope I make it to the front door in time! I know, I know…keep my feet and hands in the ride at all times. Forget that, we can do it cartoon style and I wouldn’t even have to take a real shower anymore. I’d hop on the boat and have water jets and soap spray me down after I go through the Dr. Satan exhibit. Shit, I may as well make the upstairs into a fountain of youth ride. Anything’s possible in dark rides, except for making a good movie about them.
Now that’s acting!
Jamie Lynn Sigler was the real grabber for me in this one. I think her performance would’ve resonated more if she video conferenced all her scenes in from her bedroom at home. Her work on The Sopranos is masterful and glorious compared to the hack job she turned in on this film. What a mess! I’m usually a fan of really bad movies like this one, especially of the horror genre, but so much of this movie let me down. It seems like the casting folks on this film tried to get Sigler because of her eternal connection to her starring role as the daughter of a mob boss from New Jersey.
Now that’s acting!
Now that’s acting!
Being a lifelong native of New Jersey, I was excited to see that the movie was based in Asbury Park. The dark ride itself was in a haunted house on the boardwalk. One dark and spooky night a bunch of “meddling kids” broke into the attraction to pull a prank on Jamie Lynn Sigler’s cheating boyfriend. But as it turns out, there’s a killer on the loose that lives inside the Dark Ride! How much more dull can we be here? The male stars are actually the better actors in the film and that isn’t saying much.
Now that’s acting!
Now that’s acting!
Now that’s acting!
Now that’s acting!
Oh, and if you thought I was too harsh on Sigler’s performance, you have no clue what you’re in for with David Clayton Rogers performance. Here’s another idiot that thinks he’ll get further in his career if he has 2 first names. This kid redefines that old addage “don’t quit your day job.” Before he decided to become an actor I heard he would sneak into public ladies rooms and steal the money out of tampon machines. What a dick! That money benefits autistic children, doesn’t he know that? Despitef his previous career as a complete loser, someone actually let him be an actor. The fact that Hollywood is still letting him practice this craft is completely beyond me. I hope and pray to the Gods of Film that I never have to witness an atrocity such as David Clayton Rogers ever again. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t wish anything bad to happen to him, I just wish that he would realize he sucks and try his luck at another career. Isn’t there a Jack in the Box or a Carl’s Jr. you can work at?
OK, I feel like I’m being too harsh. Dark Ride does have some redeemable qualities but what stunk most about this film is that it could’ve been so much more. Being from Jersey, I was blessed with some of the best haunted houses and dark rides ever. Take Castle Dracula in Wildwood or the haunted castle at Six Flags Great Adventure for instance would make great stories. Because of lame producers, filmmakers are constantly dumbing things down. This movie is not one that a fanboy, or an X-E fan would enjoy.
After feeling guilty that they didn’t film in Jersey,
they flew their film crew to quickly take some footage of Asbury Park and The Stone Pony
Why didn’t the producers hire Weird NJ to hop on as consultants? Let’s talk urban legends, local myths, etc. Any film about the Jersey Devil has sucked and now they’re sucking any coolness out of dark rides from Jersey as well! C’mon…The Jersey Shore used to be famous for it’s haunted houses! It’s interesting to note that the majority of this movie wasn’t even filmed in New Jersey, but in Los Angeles and at the Santa Monica Pier. That’s most likely because it’s so damn expensive to film in Jersey.
Horror Freak from Oregon on IMDB claims that he didn’t see the twist at the end coming at all. I think he may just be completely out of his mind. This was the most predictable movie, possibly as predictable as a Full House episode. I hate this movie so much, if I keep writing about it, I don’t think I’m ever going to want to blog again. So in an attempt to save my hobby from the clutches of the evil movie Dark Ride, my little boat ride stops here.