“Don’t Go To Sleep” (1982) is a pretty cheesy made for TV thriller that conjures up all kinds of great memories for me. When I was a kid I would watch ANYTHING that was promoted as remotely frightening. As a kid from suburbia there wasn’t much excitement going on so basing my entire night around a movie that was showing on TV wasn’t unheard of. Luckily my big sis was usually as motivated as I was to watch something scary so it made it more fun. Don’t get me wrong I was completely obsessed with horror icons from Frankenstein to Freddy, but I took what I could get if my mother hadn’t taken me to the video store to rent a tape that weekend. Local stations like WPIX 11 and others would show horror movies all throughout October. (See Matt at X-E for a great article on this) Other times even when it wasn’t “Shocktober” they would have Saturday Night Cinema or something to that effect. As a kid television played a much bigger role for me as “must see TV” than it did at any other point in my life. Damn, my whole family gathered for shows and movies and even Married With Children!
The Izod Center
As an update to this post: It’s Anybody’s Meadowlands, you won’t be calling it the Continental Airlines Arena much longer since it’s name will be changed to the Izod Center.
Elvis Reese’s and Jeff’s Orange Dream Soda
During this spooky time of year I feel right at home having a blog. When I check out all of my favorite blogs and websites many of them such as X-Entertainment and Brandedinthe80s.com feature countdowns where most of the posts throughout the month of October are Halloween related. This kicks alot of ass if you’re a fan of the holiday which I most definitely am. I’ve always been a huge fan of horror movies and thrillers and I’ve already started playing the Halloween playlist on my iPod which I spend all year tweaking because I’m a super geek. Unfortunately I’m not writing this to inform you that I’ll have a Halloween related post every day this month, but I’ll do my best. First you’ll notice that I’ve changed the header on the site. This is a classic scene from one of my favorite movies of all time, Ghostbusters. I don’t consider it a “Halloween” movie but Slimer and The Sexy Armpit are “perfect together.”
The second product we’ll take a look at is Jeff’s New York Egg Cream in it’s special Orange Dream flavor. This is a creamy style soda that tastes like a Creamsicle. If you’ve never tasted an Egg Cream you’re really missing out. If you’re lactose intolerant then I feel sorry for you because these sodas are so unbelievably delicious. Jeff’s egg creams precisely replicates these old school sodas. If an “Egg Cream” sounds disgusting, it really isn’t since according to Wikipedia, they don’t contain egg or cream and they were basically described as a “poor man’s ice cream soda.” Think Seltzer mixed with orange and vanilla cream and you have Jeff’s Orange Dream. I’ve also been a big fan of their plain vanilla flavor as well.
Fruit Snacks Freakout: Shark Bites!

*Update – the fighter plane version was called THUNDER JETS FRUIT SNACKS! Hooray!
Gross Observations #1
Allow me to introduce you to a new column here on TheSexyArmpit.com. It’s one I’ve been waiting to unveil and now I finally can. It’s a post where I can shoot off all of my random ponderings from the outright stupid to the strange and bizarre. I hope you enjoy it.
Why does it seem that girls always love bread?
Have you ever been watching a movie that had lightning and thunder in it and the weather outside is the same and you can’t differentiate which one is real?
Tomes and Talismans
For me, elementary school kicked ass. Besides being in a constant dream world at the time, I got introduced to alot of cool things. Much of this coolness was because of our librarian, Mrs. Gnadinger. Librarians are pretty much underrated as school personalities go. They don’t get much credit but in this case our librarian went above and beyond and genuinely enjoyed enlightening us.
Shittiest Songs of All Time
I’m undoubtedly going to piss some people off with this one. But what’s the sense of writing a blog if you can’t offend at least a few people, right? This entry compiles as many songs that I loathe as I could think of in no particular order. I’m sure there are a million more but who says I can’t do a Shittiest Songs part II? Please feel free to comment with songs that you can’t stand either. At that point I’m sure Diddy or some other rapper will sample all of them and have huge hits.
Hocus Pocus by Focus – I never even heard of this one until I worked as a D.J at a rock station. This has got to be the most annoying song of all time. Oh wait, I have 19 more. With lyrics you can’t even understand and even some yodeling thrown in there, this takes the cake for making you want to punch your stereo speakers in the groin. Dutch rock sucks and has always sucked. According to Wikipedia, Helloween and Iron Maiden covered this song. To have 2 of the most well respected metal bands ever giving this song props, it must have some merit i just can’t hear it.
Afternoon Delight by Starland Vocal Band – To believe this was a #1 hit in 1976 blows my mind. It’s amazing how much music has changed. A country artist Johnny Carver also had a hit with his cover of the song the same year. I’m am damn happy that I wasn’t around for that. What’s more surprising is the amount of TV shows and movies this song has been featured in. I have to admit that it’s cameo in Anchorman was classic. Back when I worked at the local movie theater it grated on my nerves every time the credits of Good Will Hunting rolled.
From Wikipedia: It’s as if it was the devil’s song. Another piece of evidence
that appears to support a dark interpretation of this song is the fact that in
some places such as Austria, it was at one time commonly sung in a minor key, rather than a major key, giving the song the quality of a funeral dirge.
Also from Wikipedia: In this vein, some have suggested that this verse might not refer to sleep, but to the death of a friar or monk, or perhaps a member of one of the religious military orders. For example, it is widely believed in France that the renowned Frère Jacques de Molay of the Templar Knights, who was
executed in 1314, is the subject of the Frère Jacques song.
Leavin on a Jet Plane by The Mitchell Trio
Send me On My Way – Rusted Root
What’s in a Blog Name?
It’s important to be honest with your audience. This is precisely why I’m going to share with you an idea that I’ve been wrestling with in my head for a while now. I’ve been torn as to whether or not I should change the name of this blog. It’s a month or so shy of being THREE years that I’ve owned and operated some form of TheSexyArmpit.com. As a guy who enjoys the peculiar and offensive, I thought it was a perfect name for the website that I was running. Following an egotistical name like “jayontherocks.com” I had to rebound with something original but not as focused on myself or my former radio career.
I’m pretty definite that I’m sick of explaining the meaning of “TheSexyArmpit.com.” Even though it’s always made perfect sense to me, people just don’t get it. Once I got smart and jumped on blogger, I wrote a quick synopsis in my profile. New Jersey or several towns in N.J have always been referred to as “The Armpit of America,” or “…of the Universe.” It just sounded funny to call a place that’s relentlessy dissed for being so filthy and grimy, SEXY!
Unfortunately ArmpitofAmerica.com was already taken. What the hell does that address link to anyway? NOTHING GOOD THAT’S FO SHO!! I could have done so much more damage with that name. I would’ve been inducted to the blogging hall of fame, I would’ve had rip away shirts with the name on it, I would’ve thrown frisbees out to the crowd with blog entries printed on them. In fact, ArmpitofAmerica’s satirical nature would’ve even tickled President Bush’s fancy and I would’ve already dined at the freakin’ White House wit ‘dem dare Bush folks. Now, of course, I will eat happily at White Castle instead of the White House. As you know there are many White Castles in the Armpit of America, that’s what’s so great about America. We can eat Burgers in a Castle in the middle of an Armpit. It’s pretty damn amazing. But when you have even your own father telling you to change the name of the blog, it kind of makes you wonder.
If you’ve read this far into the blog, I am basically in love with you regardless of your sex. As the British electro-pop icon extrordinaire D.J Shanks describes it “My small cult of underground fans.”
Rescued Marshmallows Swim to Freedom
If last weekend’s kitchen disaster was any indication, I can’t imagine what’s going to happen this weekend. Let’s recap. Saturday morning I was still on a high from seeing Halloween, and the sun was shining. I woke up and took a few half full cereal boxes out to see if I could make some room. I broke out some Crunchberries and a box of Franken Berry.
I really despise Frankenberry. I know, I know, its sacrilegious. It’s just one of those cereals that always enticed me in the store and when I actually bring them home and start eating them I wonder why I keep buying them every year. The same thing happens with Boo Berry except with a deeper level of abhorrence. I’m just mesmerized by the packaging and the art on the box. The characters from that particular General Mills line of cereals are the best but the taste of Count Chocula is the only one that actually lives up to it’s reputation.
Right now I’m just thinking of how cool it is that we have a classic line of cereal that’s based on monsters. I’m very character oriented and I appreciate silly advertising mascots such as the Burger King, Noid, and of course Mrs. Butterworth’s especially when she’s coming alive informing me of how thick she is and telling me that I should pour her on my waffles. Breakfast food mascots have always rocked and they were a major part of my childhood. But all praise aside I need to get back to bashing the awful Frankeberry. How can a cereal that looks so cool taste so horrible? I suppose it’s a bit suspect that even as a child I was attracted to a cereal that was pink. That can’t be the reason for it sucking so much because Strawberry Shortcake Cereal was undeniably the greatest cereal ever invented and it was awarded the medal of honor for cereals by God. After he tasted it he personally spat in Purple Pie Man’s face and said to him that if he didn’t rebut Strawberry Shortcake’s cereal supremacy with a grape version of his own then his Pie Tin Palace would be foreclosed on and the land would be used as a golf course. But that’s just particulars, I heard it was messy trial – Pie EVERYWHERE.
To conclude this bumper car crash of an entry, I wound up rummaging through the box of Frankeberry extracting every luscious dried marshmallow that was left in the box and dropping them into my happy bowl of Crunchberries. It was a sensational breakfast event for me. I broke all breakfast rules and had my awesome little marshmallows swim to freedom. This moment would only be trumped if I saw the return of one of the following:
1) Strawberry Shortcake Cereal
2) Oops! All Berries
2) Smurfberry Crunch
3) C3Po’s
4) E.T cereal
5) Pac-Man Cereal
6) Rocky Road Cereal
Apparently this site sells boxes of Cereal Marshmallows only…not Cereal with Marshmallows…just the cereal-style marshmallows in a box. That’s pretty awesome. Hmm…tomorrow’s pay day. Just Got Paid…Friday Night…Marshmallow Huntin‘…Feelin‘ Right.
Film Review: Rob Zombie’s Halloween
I thought Rob Zombie might have overplayed his hand. Halloween hit theaters today and I was excited and intrigued by getting the chance to learn about Michael Myers back-story. Was the decision to delve into this killers past too risky? Would giving away too much of his early life make him less scary? At first, I thought it might have taken away from the big question mark that was Michael Myers. After all, Myer’s largely undefined past helps make him the ominous character he is. In this film it’s the realism of the character that makes him terrifying.
As I watched the plot develop it made so much sense when I understood where director Rob Zombie decided to go with the character. You may be a little bewildered by the mannerisms and unmanly behavior on the young Myers because he’s a character we know to be such a monster. All I can say is…have some patience. Early in the film we get to see so much striking footage of a young and messed up Michael Myers. I don’t want to give too much away, but he does some deranged things as a child and winds up in the mental institution where he’s cared for by Dr. Loomis (Malcolm McDowell). Loomis starts out long haired and youthful and as the film progresses we see Loomis in a more modern sense. (On a side note I left the theater and hopped in my car, only to have a white van with the company name of LOOMIS slapped right on the side of it!) The film advances periodically by one year and 10 year increments and then to the present. I enjoyed the jumps as it added not only to the sense of the plot but also the pacing.
Zombie used his “starting lineup.” You’ll see everyone from Sid Haig to Police Academy’s Sgt. Debbie Callahan! Bill Moseley turns up again and there’s even a cameo from The Monkee’s Micky Dolenz! Zombie’s wife Sherri Moon, who’s not playing Baby Firefly this time, turns in a potent performance as Michael Myers mother. For the past few months I’ve also been anticipating seeing Danielle Harris since she played Jamie in Halloween 4 & 5. Harris plays Laurie’s friend Annie. Annie’s a hot little number who has the honor of uttering one of the best lines an actress can ever say…“Ya wanna fuck me?” Harris’ delivery of that line will be ingrained in my head forever now. What is it with Zombie’s stuff that sticks in my head? I always have Baby’s line from House of 1,000 Corpses in my head: “You know we like to get fucked up?” And in White Zombie’s Thunderkiss ‘65 “I never try anything, I just do it. Want to try me?” Don’t be surprised if Harris’ “Ya wanna fuck me” sound byte turns up in one of Zombie’s songs. Hell I’d purposely write a song just as an excuse to use that sound byte. Ahh, Harris was such an innocent little girl. Now she’s topless and skanking it up for the majority of her performance. I love it. My one gripe is that all of the rumors lead me to believe that Sheri Moon was going to get naked but it didn’t happen. She does a stripping scene so I’m assuming there’s going to be an unrated DVD coming out with that scene extended for horn dogs like me. I had to settle for all the rest of the girls getting naked. It wasn’t so bad.