Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon at Six Flags Great Adventure

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Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon about to be whisked away by El Toro on May 13th 2012

Six Flags Great Adventure always attracts the stars. Usually they are the brave stars, those who aren’t afraid to ride roller coasters! G.A’s proximity to New Jersey, New York, and Long Island make it not only the closest theme park to the metropolitan area, but also the biggest one packed with the most thrill rides. On Mother’s Day, Mariah Carey, her hubby Nick Cannon, and his mother visited the park. They rode Kingda Ka, El  Toro, Green Lantern, and Superman: Ultimate Flight.
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NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 97: A.C Is Always Turned On

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Now that the new Atlantic City tag line is DO A.C, the old one is being relegated to t-shirts. Solid Threads, an emporium of awesomely original NJ T-Shirts, has a new Atlantic City T-Shirt for sale featuring A.C’s former tourism tag line.

Always Turned On never appealed to me. It was supposed to be edgy because of the double entendre, but didn’t sufficiently evoke the energy of the city. It was weak and fell flat. This year, A.C’s marketing brain trust came up with a new campaign, DO A.C, which is simpler and more effective. The new DO A.C commercials are enticing and I’m glad they finally formulated a memorable slogan.

I had a hard time adjusting to it at first because it seemed a little generic, but compared to it’s older and wordier predecessor it has a much better capability of going viral, such as a on bumper stickers, billboards, and t-shirts. Although I’m in favor of the new campaign, they can’t please everyone since this editorial is pissed to see the old slogan go. Would you have thought that tourism slogans meant that much to people? Apparently to Donna Andersen, they mean a lot – and I’m writing a post about it as well, so go figure.

Always Turned On is old hat (or shirt in this case), but the retro vibe of this t-shirt is enhanced with the addition of the already nostalgic slogan. It’s apparent that the tag line works best when paired with a Jersey girl sunbathing on the beach!

Check out Solid Threads new Spring clothing line in their Hoboken store or online.

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Guns and Roses…Literally!

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On our drive back up the Garden State Parkway after a night in Atlantic City, Miss Sexy Armpit and I were looking to stop in a store and get some flowers to bring home for Mother’s Day.

We stopped off in Toms River which is a really large town in South Jersey. I thought there were a few places we could stop at, but as we got off the Parkway I started to realize there weren’t as many stores as I thought. Miss Sexy Armpit said “Hey, look, Guns and Roses!” “That’s an awesome name for a flower shop,” I replied to her. We really hit the jackpot because it’s located so close to exit 81 and we figured we could avoid the ridiculous weekend crowds of grocery stores and big name shopping centers.

It turns out that the shop’s name wasn’t necessarily a reference to the recent Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductees of the same name. After walking in and shopping around Miss Sexy Armpit told the owners how cool we thought the name was. The woman behind the counter explained that there’s actually a gun and ammo shop in the back. If the one stop shop for all your firearm and flower arrangement needs is a becoming a thing, then Guns & Roses is the place you want to go to. The owners were super nice and our mom’s loved their flowers (which were very reasonably priced compared to most other places and online shops by the way.) They even personally thanked us for our business – something that doesn’t happen much anymore.

It’s always better to support local independent businesses, so I was glad that Miss Sexy Armpit saw the GnR sign! Next time you to need to buy flowers and a badass Smith and Wesson .45, you know where to go!

Guns and Roses
298 W. Water Street
Toms River, NJ 08753

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NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 96: New Jersey Generals

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Although it only lasted a few years, the USFL obviously left quite an impression. Think about it, people aren’t necessarily clamoring for NY/NJ Hitmen t-shirts from Vince McMahon’s ill-fated XFL. Even though it was short lived, the USFL created enough of a stir that the NFL wound up bringing up many of the star players and even incorporated some of the rules of the game we are accustomed to today.

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Wikipedia notes that the NFL was clearly influenced by the USFL. Several rules and practices of the game we watch today were taken from the USFL game play such as the two-point conversion, challenging officials rulings using instant replay, and even a league salary cap was introduced. The main difference between the two leagues was that the USFL played their games in the spring and summer.

The local team for the NY/NJ area was The New Jersey Generals. After their abysmal first season, (the team went 6-12) the team was bought by Donald Trump. Aside from their rough start, their bright spot was running back Herschel Walker. The Generals breakout star won the rushing title in ’83 and ’85. The following year, Walker was snatched up by the Dallas Cowboys and then bounced from the Vikings to the Eagles and then to Giants for one season before going back to the Dallas Cowboys. Another major star who played for the Generals was quarterback Doug Flutie. In 1985, he helped boost the team to 2nd place with an 11-7 record before heading to the NFL.

Last month, what was first thought of as an April Fool’s Joke was actually dead serious. The USFL issued a press release stating that they would be back in business by Spring 2013. There’s no news yet on which 8 cities will have teams in the league.

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GREAT GEEK GORGE #2

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Welcome to the 2nd installment of the Great Geek Gorge. My latest rundown includes cool stuff I’ve procured, movies I’ve seen, and food I’ve devoured. I’m getting to a point where I have so much media to take in I don’t know where to start. Between DVD’s to watch and books to read there’s not enough time in a weekend to enjoy it all. The real question is, where do I begin?

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Thunder Punch He-Man and WWE Rumblers – For several years I had my toy habit in check. I was in total control. The downward spiral began when I became the owner of one of Miss Sexy Armpit’s best friend’s old curio cabinet. The illuminated cabinet had shelves with glass doors and it gave me the perfect excuse to run rampant down virtual toy aisles and ebay to fill up any open space on the shelves. Folks, trust me, this is not a good idea and I don’t recommend it unless you just won the Mega Millions. If you were the winner, you go to sleep with a smile on your face, while I go to sleep knowing that I have the brand spanking new Thunder Punch Punch He-Man. We both win in extremely different ways.

One of the things that soured me on collecting figures and toys was because the items you really want are always impossible to find in stores and then it’s off to ebay or an online toy shop where it’s going for triple the price of what you could’ve bought it for at Target or Wal-Mart. The sick part is, it’s always dudes like me in their 30s looking for this crap. I never see little kids searching through any of the pegs in the toy aisles. That’s precisely why in the extremely rare instances, when I actually do find a certain figure I’ve been searching for, then it’s reason for mini-celebration. I did indeed hold an small inner celebration when I found Cody Rhodes’ WWE Rumbler figure. He was advertised on the card backs of Rumblers that have been out for a long time, but the face masked Rhodes figure was nowhere to be found, not even online. For a second I thought it was only smoke and mirrors, but finally, hanging on a peg all the way in the back at Wal-Mart was none other than the present WWE Intercontinental Champion Cody Rhodes/Rey Mysterio 2-pack.

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Naughty and Nice: The Good Girl Art of Bruce Timm – If you were a geek before it was cool to be one then you probably adore the art of Bruce Timm. If you aren’t familiar with his sublime art you are definitely missing out. Timm is responsible for various DC Universe animation including perhaps the most pure incarnation of Batman ever, Batman: The Animated Series. Timm’s accomplishments don’t end there, but you can be delighted by all his further artwork via a Google image search. Recently, a dream came true for Timm fans in the form of Naughty and Nice: The Good Girl Art of Bruce Timm. It’s quite a hefty tome, but one you can go back and gaze at all the time.

Archie Meets KISS Collector’s Edition – I don’t care if it’s KISS Meets Scooby Doo or The Phantom of the Park, KISS meets anyone is good by me. It could be KISS meets Balki Bartokomous or your Aunt Laura and Uncle Arthur, it won’t matter to me. KISS appearing in Archie comics is pretty damn cool and this hardcover collector’s edition includes the whole comic series with art by the awesome Dan Parent and story by Alex Segura as well as a ton of exclusive content. Oh and did I mention there’s ZOMBIES???

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Fanta Kolita – I’m usually not one to go into detail about the lengths I go to in order to get my hands on stuff I want, ahh who am I kidding? Yes I am! A friend of The Sexy Armpit described my recent acquisition as such: “You have your soda flown in?” HAHA! I guess I’m now in that pretentious category. I try to buy American as much as possible, but when the most ultimate tasting soda is only available in Costa Rica, well, sometimes there’s no choice, you just have to import that shit. It all began like this: A long time ago in Club Cool at Epcot Center, (you know the place where everyone samples various sodas from around the world?) I was whisked away to Costa Rica when the fruity bubble gum flavoring of Fanta Kolita first hit my mouth. Every time I go to Disney I can’t wait to get my brief taste of Fanta Kolita, it’s so good. I figured you only live once, so I bucked up the money for shipping and ordered it from Costa Rica. Some people dream of exotic vacations and living in mansions, while I occasionally like to have myself a tasty beverage.

The Avengers – Possibly the best superhero movie ever and definitely the best superhero team-up movie ever, especially since there isn’t much competition in that department. Unfortunately, for us DC’ers the only live action Justice League movie you can watch is the 1997 piece of crap made for TV pilot that’s buried somewhere in the depths of YouTube. As a DC fan it’s embarrassing. I’m more proud of the cheesy live action 1979 Legends of the Superheroes and The Superhero Roast. One of these days DC will capitalize on The Justice League. Until that time, The Avengers sure did kick some serious ass.

Kettle Corn – When watching movies you can’t forget the popcorn. For my Wrestlemania gathering this year, Marcelo, a good friend of The Armpit, brought over a bag of kettle corn. I’ve had kettle corn before and thought it was pretty good, but when I ripped into this bag of Popcorn, Indiana Kettle Corn I was completely blown away. This is kettle corn at it’s best. What made such an impact on me was the fact that I was just expecting plain old popcorn with a bit of sweetness, but this just has that special something. Now I’m on a mission to check out some locally made kettle corn such as Kemp’s Kettle Corn of New Jersey. If I get my hands on it I’m sure you’ll read about it.

Don’t go thinking that I’m at all proud of myself after drinking sugary soda and inhaling full bags of popcorn. I cry myself to sleep at night because I’m contributing to America’s terrible eating habits. It just means that I’ll have to do more Sweatin’ To The Oldies.

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The Dirty Pearls Record Release Party, May 5th 2012

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[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebptLYZRiwo?rel=0]

Enchiladas can be eaten all freaking year, so I opted for some Rock and Roll instead. 2012’s Cinco De Mayo, a night usually reserved for chips and salsa and doing tequila shots off muffin tops, will go down as a major milestone for New York City’s prodigious party bringers The Dirty Pearls.

In his writings, Nostradamus once prophesied that there would one day be a mass of people who will experience full-length phonic exhilaration at the hands of five defiled gems. Ages later, actually, as of last night, the prophecy has come true. The five defiled gems Nostradamus spoke of were The Dirty Pearls and the full-length record finally came. Okay so Nostradamus didn’t predict any of that, but lead singer Tommy London has been promising a full length record for quite a long time and now it’s finally available! On Saturday night, the band celebrated the culmination of all their studio work with a huge concert at The Gramercy Theatre. London described the album to the packed house as “…our f*cking Chinese Democracy…but it actually sounds good.” It was a big night for The Dirty Pearls and I didn’t want to be anywhere else.

Not only did I try to squelch my insatiable lust for Mexican cuisine all night, but I was also missing Eli Manning hosting Saturday Night Live. See, Rock and Roll is all about sacrifice my friends…and DVR’ing shit. Only the hard working bands were playing out that night, all the others were stuffing their face with quesadillas and mainlining Patron. All the way across the country, The Black Keys were playing a concert in Sacramento. The Red Hot Chili Peppers were playing in Newark at The Prudential Center, (a venue I’d love to see The Dirty Pearls play at, but one step at a time here) but the most monumental show in the entire country was happening on East 23rd Street in NYC.

My ability to really go out and rock hard has decreased exponentially since entering my 30’s. For instance, my tolerance for annoying people is very low, hence I drove rather than took the train. Cinco De Mayo indicated to me there might be a lot of drunken idiots on the train. It turned out to be the right move because the night began with one of the quickest and most stress free rides into Manhattan I’ve ever driven. Emptying the bladder was first on my to do list, as I said, at this advanced age rocking can only happen after all these details are taken care of. Next, I set up Miss Sexy Armpit, our friend Lori, and myself up with a beer. As we caught the tail end of Ariana and The Rose’s last song, we found ourselves in an overwhelming predicament. I stood in a crowd of people and Miss Sexy Armpit’s gaze was fixated on the rows of stadium type seating in the back of the theatre. We were now faced with a huge decision. Do we completely lose our credibility and get our rock licenses revoked by sitting in those seats like a bunch of geriatrics? When the opportunity presents itself, we usually choose seats. Unless it’s Gwen Stefani and she might have her crotch in my face.

Even with all the local bands that I talk to on a regular basis, I had not heard of Liquid Blonde, one of the bands on the bill. They seemed to have characteristics like Powerman 5000 and Orgy. Their look is a little bit futuristic/punk while their sound incorporates electro type beats with heavy rock. Maybe there’s a rap-rock revival on the horizon because a couple of their songs had that vibe. I just Googled them as I write this and see that their tag line is “Electro-Sci-Fi Rock Orgy” so I wasn’t far off. Their drummer is jacked bigger than any of the WWE Superstars and I think they had a topless keyboardist, so there’s that.

The “Super-Moon” was supposedly out on Saturday night, but it was Star Killer that stole its thunder. The band, lead by Jasin Cadic, exploded onto the stage bringing their usual madness. They tore it up with all their tracks from their EP and then some including “As The Sky Is Falling” “Out of Range,” “Too Wrong” and “Picture Perfect.” The winning element to Star Killer’s songs is their ability to transport you to another world. You really get the feeling you’re in some sort of apocalyptic planet when listening to their music. Cadic’s enigmatic style and the aura that the band evokes is almost haunting and resonates in your mind long after their performance is over.

Just when I thought things couldn’t get any weirder. It’s not often that you see one guy come out with no band and no crazy lights and merely sing along with a backing track. Whether it’s budgetary or just the way he wants to present himself, Breedlove made a statement. You don’t need all the glitz, you just have to sound great and be original. During his impressive vocal set, the long-haired, bespectacled free spirit Breedlove mentioned that it’s not all the time that he can get a gig as grand as opening for The Dirty Pearls at Gramercy. Pull up his song “I Never Had” and you’ll hear what Breedlove is all about.

As evident on the bill that night, there’s quite a scene going on in the lower parts of Manhattan. A pretty large chunk of credit for that needs to go to The Dirty Pearls who have no problem welcoming fellow bands and singers into their world. During the show, the ‘Pearls frontman Tommy London mentioned that they are all about mutual respect and helping other bands in the scene. Recently, London started up his own label, Rivington Records, which will be spotlighting bands from the New York scene and beyond. 

As far as performances go, I never expect anything less than the best from The Dirty Pearls. They pour with intensity, it’s as if they actually run on “Caffeine and Gasoline” (track 3 on Whether You Like It Or Not, in case you were curious). Marty E., Dougie, Tommy, Sunny and Tommy London ripped through all their staple tracks including “New York City Is a Drug,” “Sucker For a Sequel,” “Static,” “Luvsikluv,” “Whether You Like It Or Not,” and of course “Who’s Coming Back To Who.” After many promises from London about the album having no ballads, they relented and threw in “You Got Me Where You Want Me” at the last minute. As a dude who switches off his brain when bands perform ballads, I was enthralled by how cool this track is. I even fired up my Zippo lighter app on the iPhone. At one point soon after Tommy London thanked everyone for being there and mentioned that he read on his Twitter feed that there were people in the crowd who came from as far as Berlin, Germany and even…NEW JERSEY hahaha!!! Those of us from across the river appreciate the shout out!

For the long time fans they threw in a medley of some old school ‘Pearls tracks like “Rockstarlivin’, “Hollywood La La La,” and one of my all-time favorites “Gimme, Gimme.” After their set was over, fans in the crowd resoundingly chanted “ONE MORE SONG! ONE MORE SONG,” and The ‘Pearls did not disappoint. They indeed came back to give us one more, but it wasn’t theirs. They performed a cover that was indicative of what they were feeling at that moment and that was Aerosmith’s “Sweet Emotion.”

All these paragraphs aren’t enough to express how perfectly The Dirty Pearls capture the raw emotion of rock and roll. If Elvis is The King, Frankie is The Chairman of the Board, Bruce is The Boss, then The Dirty Pearls head up New York City’s Department of Rock and Roll in the 5th Precinct.  

The Dirty Pearls first full-length record Whether You Like It or Not is available HERE
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The Hindenburg Disaster: 75 Years Later

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[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSuR2IgnimA]
Writer Mike Frassinelli of The Star Ledger has written an insightful piece in memory of the Hindenburg disaster. 75 years ago today the German zeppelin burst into flames and crashed onto a field of the Lakehurst Naval Air Station in New Jersey. Frassinelli’s article catches up with survivors of the disaster and brings to light first hand accounts from people who watched the airship pass over their own towns in Jersey. It’s an excellent read and a fitting memorial to those lost in the horrific disaster.

Read it here:
The Hindenburg 75 Years Later: Memories Time Cannot Erase via NJ.com

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Mary McCormack is May’s Garden State Playmate!

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She may have been one of the reasons why Howard Stern and his first wife were separated. I feel so damn old saying this, but, back in the late ’90s, during the making of Private Parts, Howard constantly proclaimed on his show that if he wasn’t married he would love to be with actress Mary McCormack. He called her his “movie wife,” as she portrayed Alison Stern in the 1997 film based on his best selling book.

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Any guy who has seen Private Parts remembers the screen shot I grabbed on the right

Since starring as Howard’s movie wife, McCormack appeared in a steady stream of films and TV shows. Some of her credits include Deep Impact, the underrated comedy Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star (Nuckin’ Futs!), K-Pax…yes K-PAX, and TV shows ER and The West Wing. McCormack also had a main role in 2007’s 1408, a pretty decent little thriller based off a Stephen King story.

Most recently the Plainfield, NJ-born actress starred in USA Network’s In Plain Sight. The series premiere in 2008 grabbed over 5 millions viewers. Despite its initial success, In Plain Sight’s five season run will be coming to an end with tonight’s episode.

IMDB provides some trivia on McCormack: She is friends with fellow New Jerseyan Chelsea Handler, she graduated Wardlaw-Hartridge School in Edison, NJ, and she obviously has milf qualities but settle down dudes…she’s married with children!

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Jersey Shore Shark Attack…Finally!

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[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eACzpD2FNos?rel=0]

That title might seem completely insane, but it’s not what you think. I’m not saying “Damn, FINALLY someone came up with the idea to merge movies like JAWS and Piranha with MTV’s JERSEY SHORE type buffoonery. I’ll reiterate: that’s NOT what I was saying. When I say finally, it means that it took so damn long to get a trailer for what at first glance looks be quite a piece of shit. Now, when I say possible…there’s like a 6% chance that it will totally kick ass. OK, I’m exaggerating. The truth is, it looks terrible in the most awesome way possible and I’m glad that we finally have a trailer after nearly 2 years of it’s initial announcement.

In the trailer we see all the typical stereotypes of how the country views people from New Jersey. Actually, we aren’t all mongoloids. I speak normally and don’t sleep in a tanning bed. These errors are inconsequential when I think about what an event this movie will be for me. I’m always excited to watch an unintentionally funny, shlocky horror movie takes place in New Jersey. As you can see, the clones of the Jersey Shore cast get guns and hunt sharks at the end of the trailer. The effects are terrible so I’ll be going in with extremely low expectations.
The casting bemuses me though. If I was a kid on Twitter I’d probably tweet this in reaction to the trailer: “That moment when you realize Joey Fatone is in Jersey Shore Shark Attack.” I was taken aback for a moment when I realized Fatone shows up on the scene. Including the heftiest member of N’Sync, all the main stars were born in Brooklyn, NY. What the hell is that crap? The casting director should’ve taken care that they hired Jersey born actors and actresses considering there’s a ton of them. It would’ve made it more authentic. One huge misconception is that people from Jersey do NOT talk like they are from Brooklyn unless they are from Brooklyn and moved to Jersey. We aren’t all Tony Danza clones here contrary to popular belief.
Joey Fatone, Jack Scalia, Paul Sorvino, Tony Sirico, and hold up a second…WILLIAM F*CKING ATHERTON!?!?! NOW I’M IN. I’M SO F’N IN. I’m front and center for what just turned into a magnificent piece of entertainment. Sold. *SPOILERS* Vinny from Jersey Shore plays a news reporter who spills the beans that Joey Fatone’s character GETS EATEN BY A SHARK! I bet the shark is TEARIN’ UP HIS HEART as we speak. No release date has been announced yet, so until then “Bye, Bye, Bye!”
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The Devils: Jersey’s Team

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As we say goodbye to our NBA franchise here in New Jersey, we can be thankful that we still have the New Jersey Devils in the NHL. They are presently the ONLY professional sports franchise with balls (or pucks) big enough to tout their Jersey affiliation.

The Devils home ice is at the Prudential Center in Newark, NJ. “The Rock” as it’s known is one of the coolest venues for sports and concerts in New Jersey. It’s accessibility from anywhere you are in the area is unmatched and the restaurants and bars all have awesome views of the arena action. You’ll see lots of Devils memorabilia and signage around the grand concourse level including the above pictured map of New Jersey that I snapped a picture of the last time I was there.

Presently, the New Jersey Devils are 0-1 in the conference semi-finals against the Philadelphia Flyers.

www.SexyArmpit.com