Shamrock Shakedown Giveaway!

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2 FREE Shamrock Shake cards that have been provided by McDonald’s will go out to 2 Random winners!
TO ENTER:
subject: SHAMROCK
If you are chosen we will reach out to you for your mailing address
WINNERS ANNOUNCED ON 3/7/12

Many folks in New Jersey are pissed off that the St. Patrick’s Day parade in Hoboken is cancelled this year. Things usually get pretty out of hand so the city is taking a break from it. I don’t get involved in parades because they bore the shit out of me. Drinking tons of beer is of course fun, but not with thousands of other drunken boozers roaming the streets and getting behind the wheel. Aside from eating a bowl of me Lucky Charms, I have other plans this St.Patrick’s Day.

I don’t really participate in the yearly resurgence of corned beef and cabbage, but I need MINT in my life constantly. Usually the one time of year that everything becomes MINT is in March because St. Patrick’s Day turns everything green and green often means MINT! There’s no better mint offering than mint ice cream! And since I’m obsessed with using straws, The Shamrock Shake is like a magic pot of gold for me.

In addition to consistently bringing back the McRib, McDonald’s has been keeping it real with their classic Shamrock Shake as well. The best part: they are now available nationwide, not just in select mystery locations. Just as I write this, as the Irish say, I’m really gummin’ for a Shamrock Shake. The only thing that would make the shake experience even better is if McD’s was offering this green delicacy in  Uncle O’Grimacey collector cups! Now, REMEMBER, you only have until MARCH 25th before the Shamrock Shakes disappear, so get your arses to McD’s to enjoy one!

Monster Mania Con 2012

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I must be a glutton for punishment. Another year brings a new set of Monster Mania Cons to the New Jersey/Philadelphia area and regardless of all my usual complaints I already ordered a ticket for myself. Something in the back of my head always says parking will get better and lines for autographs will miraculously be shorter, but it doesn’t matter because I’m ultimately going to wind up right in the thick of things anyway.

Once again this year’s Monster Mania Con features another damn good lineup including Robert Englund, a Blair Witch cast reunion, Alex Winter, Anthony Michael Hall, a Walking Dead reunion, and many more guests! Check out the promo video posted below put together by Rob Dimension who will also be at the show! If you plan on going to the con let us know via Twitter @sexyarmpit !

Monster Mania Con takes place March 9th-11th 2012 at the Crown Plaza in Cherry Hill, NJ

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubtU3Q5Neww?rel=0]

G.I JERSEY: G.I JASON On T-Shirt Tuesday

G.I Jersey - The Sexy Armpit
In today’s post GI Jersey and T-Shirt Tuesday have joined forces to take on one of horror’s most notorious icons who happens to be from…NEW JERSEY!!!

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Some of the coolest, most collectible G.I Joe figures were those who weren’t actually Joe’s at all. For instance there was William “The Refrigerator” Perry, pro wrestler Sgt. Slaughter, and even writer Stephen King’s son had a figure in his likeness code name Sneak Peek to name a few. In this article, The Metal Misfit even revealed that the Italian Stallion Rocky Balboa was slated for his own figure and character on the show as well, but plans fell through when the Rambo toy line was put on shelves. I can’t be sure that there was ever a true villain or monster created in the image of a non-Joe related character before, until now. The Horror T-Shirt masterminds over at Fright Rags decided to bring Jason Voorhees to life on his own T-Shirt in the style of the old GI Joe action figure card backs!
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The REAL AMERICAN SLASHER, Jason Voorhees has never looked cooler. In this era of mash-ups, this is the ultimate ’80s indulgence. When I first saw the tweet from Fright Rags eluding to this t-shirt I lost my mind. Combining GI Joe and one of the greatest horror movie franchises of all time is one of the coolest ideas for a t-shirt I’ve seen in a long time. Not only does the shirt respectfully pay tribute to both properties, but it does it in such a way that if GI Joe was to actually release a Jason figure, this is EXACTLY how the card back would look. Please take note of Jason’s birthplace! That’s right folks, nobody in Jersey cares about Jersey Shore except kids in middle school. Who needs the shore when we have Crystal Lake to boast about! Who cares about the New Jersey budget? Governor Christie should be talking about how proud he is that Jason Voorhees now has his own official G.I Joe file card. This is the important shit, for real.

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If you are spazzing out like I did, don’t worry, the t-shirt is still for sale in limited quantities. Frankly, I’m surprised it didn’t sell out almost immediately, but now the site says there are only certain sizes left so get it while you still can! 

Giants, Devils, and Sexy Armpit Special Edition M&M’s

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Here’s the official Sexy Armpit mascot of M&M candy! I made this little guy at the M&Ms website where you can create your own character that can be put onto t-shirts and other swag. I wouldn’t normally go to M&M’s website, but not too long ago I walking down the Atlantic City boardwalk and took my typical stroll through the It’s Sugar candy store which prompted me to visit the M&M website. They have a dizzying array of various candy products as well as a humongous replica of the Jersey landmark, Lucy The Elephant. I definitely recommend paying them a visit next time you are in Atlantic City.

What I found really cool in the store was their color separated assortments of M&M’s. They even had M&M’s blended by colors that represent local sports teams. Below are two pictures I snapped and cut together to show off their New York Giants and New Jersey Devils M&M assortment. I’m sure if I go back I can make a special Sexy Armpit edition, but I’d prefer to wait until I can get the the limited dark chocolate edition!

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Wrestlemania 29: IT’S IN JERSEY THIS TIME!!!

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Vince McMahon’s goal in bringing Wrestlemania to MetLife Stadium was to beat the NFL to the punch by a year. In 2014 The Super Bowl will be taking place at MetLife Stadium, though it’s still referred to by most people in the Tri-State area as GIANTS STADIUM. Tomorrow, Vince and his crew of superstars will join Governor Chris Christie in East Rutherford NJ for the official announcement that WWE’s grandest event will emanate from MetLife Stadium on April 7th, 2013.

Rumors about this have been surging the past couple of months, so this wasn’t a surprise. To say I can’t contain my excitement is an understatement. Pro Wrestling sites, Twitter, and even real live actual people are buzzing about this. Considering that the New York Giants just won the Super Bowl, that makes this announcement even more monumental. There’s no telling how the G-Men will do next year, but either way, WWE chose the right venue.

But wait! The infant MetLife Stadium has no roof! As you may know, the weather in Jersey is whacked out. The first week of April will either be freaky freezies weather, torrential downpours, or swamp-ass city 90 degree heat. We rarely enjoy a happy medium as far as weather goes. I’m not complaining, WWE obviously has a plan for inclement weather. Either way, it’s revenue and publicity for New Jersey and that’s positive.

Now if we can get WWE to stop saying Wrestlemania is coming to New York/New Jersey. If WWE was holding Wrestlemania in Madison Square Garden, that would be New York. Of course it’s still too early to tell, but the fact that Wrestlemania 30 won’t be held in MSG boggles my mind. Since the major turn to stadiums for Wrestlemania, it would seem more appropriate to have the 30th Wrestlemania at MetLife Stadium rather than the 29th, but who knows, I’m sure they have a secret master plan.

This could very well be a once in a lifetime opportunity. As a hardcore WWF/E fan since 1984, I never thought there would be a Wrestlemania held so close to where I live. Now that there finally will be, it may not happen again for a very long time so I’m definitely going to do everything in my power to be a part of it. I have the memory burned into my brain of watching Hulk vs. Andre at the Pontiac Silverdome live on pay per view with my friends and fast forward 25 years later and now it’s blowing my mind that I might be in the audience of an event of a similar scale just mere miles away from home. It’s all come full circle for me. Now if only we can assure that Steve Austin returns for one last match against C.M Punk!

Valentine’s Eve Starring Jason Voorhees?

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Many people say Valentine’s Day is lame and stupid, but they’re mostly single people. Even though it is a pretty hokey holiday (if you want to call it a holiday), I usually just embrace it as I do most other holidays. If you have even the slightest degree of appreciation for your loved ones, I’m sure you’ve scanned the selection of Valentine’s Day cards at the local grocery or convenience store and found a bunch of generic B.S. That’s why I looked to Zazzle this year. It’s where I found one of the coolest Valentine’s Day cards ever.

*Spoiler Alert – I probably should’ve given this to Miss Sexy Armpit last night, but I hadn’t finished writing the message inside of it yet. Maybe she can act surprised when she opens it! This is a perfect V-day card for horror fanatics out there, especially fans of Friday the 13th!  It’s a little late now, but order it for next year and you’ll be prepared. Keep in mind, you won’t find this Happy Valentine’s Eve card in stores. Click over to Zazzle where you can get this card or its graphic on a t-shirt as well.

Friends With Benefits (2011) Review

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Dylan and his father, pants-less, eating in Newark Liberty Int’l Airport

Friends With Benefits was just an excuse to maximize Timberlake’s on-screen butt time. Will Gluck really sold out. I expected a lot more out of him. Many of you are probably thinking, “Who the hell is Will Gluck?” and rightfully so. Unless you are film fanatic or someone who pays close attention to film director’s resumes, that name probably passed you by.

Sold out sounds so cliche, but it’s what Gluck did to a degree. The director was hired to make a larger budget movie with big name stars. Too many writers spoil the script and in the case of Friends With Benefits, it took 3 people to write the story, and Gluck and 2 other writers to write the screenplay. Seriously? And even with all those writers, it was all just a bunch of romps in the sack.

If a movie company was throwing obscene amounts of cash at me to make a movie exactly the way they wanted it, I’d do it too. Gotta make a living, right? Gotta pay for that new hot tub. Gotta buy that hot new Acura NSX. Gotta build that reputation in order to make more Hollywood crap. You go Gluck! I genuinely loved Fired Up, his cheerleading comedy, and Easy A with Emma Stone, but in terms of freshness I give this an Easy F. His previous films were creative and current, yet Friends is exactly what you’d expect from a romantic comedy…not much.

Friends really wants to mean something to the teens and twenty-somethings of this generation, but it’s ultimately just corporate garbage. It’s another “insert hot young star here,” and “insert another sex scene there.” Why was there 2 flash mob scenes? TWO!!! The film’s finale desperately wanted to be poignant and as memorable as when Lloyd Dobler held up his boom box in Say Anything. There’s a reason why you know that scene even though you may never have seen the movie and that’s because because it was a meaningful scene that reflected the time and has since been parodied to death. Is wooing a girl via flash mob going to be looked at the same way 20 years down the road?

Mila Kunis is certainly hot and Timberlake is truly talented but commingling them didn’t ignite any spark. Much like the embarrassing Love and Other Drugs, if you watch Friends With Benefits in mega high speed it would just look like a series of awkward sex scenes. If your Grandparents saw this movie they’d say “What are ya watchin’, porno ya pervert?!?!” It’s the typical Hollywood formula featuring a hot male actor to grab the girl moviegoers and a sexy young female star to lure in dopey guys like me. They had me at Jackie from That ’70s Show. Boy did I fall for it.

It wasn’t all boner pissing though, Friends with Benefits did deal with some serious issues. Although I had a barf bag next to me the whole time, I appreciate how the Alzheimer’s angle was handled. Unfortunately, it seemed conveniently shoehorned into the script in order to give some human qualities to its characters. The best scene of the movie is when Timberlake takes his pants off and joins his father (who’s afflicted with Alzheimer’s and has his pants off) at a restaurant for a steak dinner in Newark Liberty International Airport. I can watch Mila Kunis stare blankly into space and be content for an hour, but this scene actually had some depth.

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DYLAN: “You have a boat?!?!”
TOMMY: “I live in Jersey and I ain’t takin’ no ferry…unless it’s out to dinner and a show!”

I always enjoy Woody Harrelson and this time around was no exception. He excels in random supporting roles and here he played a gay online sports journalist who constantly advertised his love of men’s genitalia. He also takes his boat across the river back to New Jersey where he lives which kicks ass because he doesn’t have to sit in traffic.

Friends with Benefits should be a sequel to The Breakup where Vaughn and Aniston really do just become friends after their breakup and one thing leads to another and they each lose their jobs at different times while the other is still working and since they aren’t dating anyone they have to angle to get put onto the others health benefits. Listen, it may sound ridiculous now, but when Universal green-lights it in 2 years you’ll be having deja-vu. But, in all seriousness, I spent the whole movie wishing that it turned into the kooky love story of Andy Samberg and Emma Stone who actually appeared in the beginning of the film. It would’ve been so much more Glucking awesome.

Van Halen’s New Album and A.C Concert

PhotobucketYesterday Van Halen’s A Different Kind of Truth was released to the delight of their legions of fans. As a fan of Roth, I have been waiting patiently for the past couple of years to hear some concrete information on the new album with Diamond Dave. Most of the rumors and false starts were reported and frustrated the crap out of myself and many other fans. It’s been 15 years since VH created new music with David Lee Roth and I was curious to hear their next evolution.

The first single “Tattoo,” had all the right elements. It was perhaps not as hard rocking as I would’ve liked, but still evoked the light hearted old school VH antics. Pre-ordering on iTunes was a no-brainer for me. Finally, on February 7th, 2012 the brand new VH songs downloaded into my account. 
My favorites after one thorough listen of the album this morning are “Stay Frosty,” the sequel to “Ice Cream Man,” which the L.A Times referred to as a “clunker” (they clearly aren’t fans of VH), and “Big River.” I’ve also gathered from reading various reviews that some of the tracks from the album were reworked from early demos of the band in order to grab that classic VH sound. There’s definitely a few tracks that are as succinct or as fleshed out as they could’ve been. Evidence is clear: there’s a song called “As Is.” 
I’m not an audio expert, but I noticed that Roth’s vocals should’ve been more prominent in the mix on a couple of the tracks. Occasionally, his voice seemed drowned out compared to the literally MIGHTY rhythm section. Truth is definitely a heavier album in terms of the instrumental side of the music, but Dave sounds damn good.
Regardless of the minor gripes, I’m just happy to have a new VH album with Diamond Dave. Is it only a matter of time before they explode into ridiculous in-fighting amongst the band? Should I fear that the March 24th, 2012 VH concert at Boardwalk Hall in Atlantic City will be cancelled because of another Roth/Eddie blowout? I hope not! 

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 92: Randy “The Ram” Robinson

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It’s been a little over 3 years since it’s release and I am still as crazy about The Wrestler as I was the first time I saw it. It’s the combination of Mickey Rourke’s heart wrenching performance, the reminiscing about the glory days of professional wrestling, and its New Jersey setting that makes it hit so close to home for me. Darren Aronofsky’s masterpiece remains legendary, especially to fans of the pro-wrestling business, but we the fans need to keep it alive! One way to do that is through wearing The Ram’s t-shirt!

Even though there was a glimpse of a Randy “The Ram” Robinson action figure in the movie, it was merely a custom job. You may be able to find a few custom Ram figures in the outer reaches of the Internet, but that’s about it. Since The Wrestler wasn’t watered down by a marketing onslaught, fans took it upon themselves to create t-shirts for their broken down Jersey hero. I wore mine this past weekend, and I’ve also noticed WWE’s Curt Hawkins (Zack Ryder’s former tag partner) proudly wearing a black Randy “The Ram” T-shirt as well. You can purchase one via Zazzle at this link.

Madonna, Atlantic City, and Armpits…

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Frequently I come out with some preposterous claims. One of these includes the theory that I may have invented the “screen shot” or “screen grab” as it’s commonly known. As soon as Desperately Seeking Susan was available on VHS, Momma Armpit brought me home a copy because she knew I wanted it. I watched it over and over marveling at the fact that I could keep rewinding my favorite scene and watch it over and over. Believe it or not, my favorite scene wasn’t seeing Rosanna Arquette’s boobs, nope, as nice as they are, I was more interested in a scene most of you probably quickly forgot about. 
My favorite scene comes when Madonna is in the Port Authority bathroom looking super sexy in her hot pink mesh Atlantic City shirt. She walks over to the hand dryer and raises her arms to dry her armpit. Now, contrary to popular belief, I do not have an armpit fetish so get this out of your head right away. The name of the site might mislead you, but I just think it’s a funny scene. I wouldn’t doubt that Madonna actually came up with that herself because she’s really perverse.
Anyway, I took my 35MM Vivitar camera (that I still own!) and took a few snapshots of the TV screen while this scene was playing. My mom went to get the film developed and as she was going through the pics of the family gatherings and events there were also 2 or 3 shots of Madonna air drying her armpits. Classic.