Sludge Central

AD JERSEUM 15: Gary’s Oasis

Posted on February 4, 2012 by sexyarmpit

Gary’s Oasis…

All Your Fantasies Can Come True…Now Buy a Jacuzzi you pricks! I need a new car stereo!

There’s no stipulation in AD JERSEUM saying that we can’t discuss fictional ads relating to Jersey, so the 15th installment of Ad Jerseum comes from the 1985 film Desperately Seeking Susan.

During a sleepover when I was a kid, instead of hanging out and pretending we were on secret missions with toy guns and all the usual activities, I once made my best friend watch Desperately Seeking Susan. This was one of the rare times he actually trusted me and agreed to watch a film that I recommended. I was a little kid in love with the Material Girl, what can I say? Most of my friends would’ve told me in more juvenile terms that my sleepover agenda was out of whack, but not Frank, he was a trooper. He actually got into the movie and enjoyed it.

“In our New Jersey showroom we have hundreds of models of whirlpools and hot tubs at the lowest manufacturer-to-you prices…”

Speckled with New Jersey references, Desperately Seeking Susan was less about Madonna and more about Roberta Glass. Roberta desperately wanted to BE like Susan (Madonna). She was unlike the obnoxious women you see on the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Roberta lived in a beautiful home in Fort Lee, NJ and had everything she needed because her husband raked in a fortune selling spas and jacuzzis to rich assholes. Her husband, Gary (yes…Gary Glass – possibly the brother or cousin of George Glass, we’re still investigating that), was basically a self centered d-bag played to a tee by actor Mark Blum.

In the film, Glass has a party to view the airing of his latest commercial. The Gary’s Oasis TV spot has a similar production quality as a commercial you might see at 3 AM for a crappy local car dealership. But, it’s the blonde girls in bathing suits volleying the beach ball back and forth as they sit 2 feet away from each other that makes this one AD JERSEUM GOLD!!!

Winner of Arkham City Figure Giveaway

Posted on January 31, 2012 by sexyarmpit

Congrats to Ralph a.k.a @RS3Feed who was chosen using randomizer.org. He will be receiving the Arkham City Batman and Robin action figures courtesy of The Sexy Armpit! Thanks to everyone who participated! We appreciate all the retweets and emails!

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.63: Night Shift

Posted on January 23, 2012 by sexyarmpit

Sure, the line “Take LIVE tuna fish and feed ’em mayonnaise!” may not be as iconic as “Nice f*ckin’ model,” and definitely not as imitated as “I’m Batman,” but it’s also from a film in the career of an actor who has personified a multitude of quirky and hilarious characters. Many roles Micheal Keaton has chosen are zany and often outlandish, but those are the ones that continue to make me laugh ’til this day.

One of the early films I wore out on VHS was 1983’s Mr. Mom. Jack Butler is still one of my favorite characters ever even though he’s a lot more laid back than Bill Blazejowski in his first major movie role in Night Shift the previous year. Night Shift is right up there with Keaton’s best work. It’s hard to beat the team-up of The Fonz and Michael Keaton as morgue attendants who become pimps and start a brothel.

Keaton’s Billy Blaze was always amped up, humming The Rolling Stones “Jumpin’ Jack Flash,” and chock full of so many ideas that he had to dictate them into his handheld tape recorder so he wouldn’t forget them. Sounds a lot like what I do with the notes app on my iPhone. I related to Blaze since I worked the night shift for a few years and it’s certainly a whole other culture.

To pass the time, Blaze was always yapping a mile a minute to his partner Chuck (Winkler). A couple of the stories he told involved his trips down to Atlantic City to gamble. I always love watching movies that were filmed in New York City in the ’80s and the proximity to A.C is what gives this film that extra coolness. As Blaze told his stories I could just imagine him driving across the river and hopping on the GSP all the way down to Atlantic City, humming Stones songs all the way. In the early ’80s A.C was the Northeast’s answer to Las Vegas, but according to Blaze “Vegas knows how to treat you right… cause they got broads…and Wayne Newton…”

BILL BLAZEJOWSKI GOES TO ATLANTIC CITY:

“Chuck, I’m really getting good at remembering these cards. (21 jeez!) Boy I’ll tell ya Chuck…this weekend is it. This weekend I go to Atlantic City and I do nothing but play blackjack straight through. I’m not even gonna get a room I’m just gonna get those wash’n dries…ya know? Did I tell you I thought of them first?”

“You know I’ve been working on my blackjack system, right? All right, so, I get down to Atlantic City this weekend and I’m sitting in the casino with my wash’n dries; Did I tell you I had the idea for them first? Anyway I’m sitting there and I’m playing blackjack right…they bar me, they bar me, I’m out, I’m barred, I can’t get in now, right. You know why? Being too good a player…”

The Beatles “Every Little Thing” Written in Atlantic City, NJ

Posted on January 17, 2012 by sexyarmpit

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWe543eWAR8?rel=0]

This cool piece of New Jersey rock and roll history comes from The Beatles Bible, a boundless online source of everything Beatles. While reading this amazing site, I discovered some trivia about the track “Every Little Thing,” from The Beatles For Sale album which was released at the end of 1964. Several months prior to the album’s release, The Beatles played Convention Hall in Atlantic City on August 30th, 1964.

After The Beatles played to 18,000 fans at Convention Hall in A.C, they stayed at the Marquis De Lafayette in Cape May. There was no pay per view porn back then so they did what all typical rockers did in their down time, they played cards, had a fiercely competitive game of Monopoly, chatted with Elvis on the phone, and oh yeah…wrote another song. It was “Every Little Thing,” a love song about how lucky this guy was to have such a great girl.

“John and I got this one written in Atlantic City during our last tour of the States. John does the guitar riff for this one, and George is on acoustic. Ringo bashes some timpani drums for the big noises you hear.” – Paul McCartney, The Beatles Off The Record Keith Badman

Take a look at a collection of ticket stubs from The Beatles A.C concert HERE

Giants’ CRUZ: From Paterson To The NFC Championship!

Posted on January 16, 2012 by sexyarmpit

You see those numbers under his eyes? That’s the Paterson NJ area code!

CRUUUUUZ!!!!

The Sexy Armpit is celebrating The New York Giants huge win over the Green Bay Packers tonight. Next week The G-Men will be facing off against the San Francisco 49ers for the NFC Championship. Before that we’d like to pay tribute to one of the G-Men who has been so instrumental to the team this year and that is Victor Cruz.

If you think you hear boos when he makes a huge catch or scores of TD, that’s actually a CRUUUUZ chant. It’s just like the BRUUUUCE chants at a Springsteen concert, maybe that’s because Cruz is also a Jersey boy. Cruz hails from Paterson, NJ, amid gangs, drug busts, and shootouts. That strife clearly could not distract him from becoming the NFL superstar that he has become.

There have been a slew of kickass Cruz moments this year. Cruz made a 99 yard touchdown on Christmas Eve 2011 against the Jets and he also now holds a Giants record for most receiving yards in a single season, but perhaps his biggest accomplishment was becoming a dad just last week. He’s already turned down the chance to be on Dancing With The Stars because he’s onto bigger and better things such as possibly taking a vacation to Disney World! Be sure to check him out next Sunday when he salsa dances all the way to the SUPER BOWL after the Giants beat the 49ers!!!

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gwj90GMIeu8?rel=0]

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 91: How I Met Your Mother

Posted on January 11, 2012 by sexyarmpit

More than a year before MTV’s Jersey Shore began giving New Jersey a bad name, How I Met Your Mother was innovating the prevalent “NJ on TV” trend.

A slew of episodes mention the Garden State, but “I Heart NJ” is one of the best. It originally aired in October of 2008 and in this episode Ted’s been complaining about having to travel to New Jersey to visit his girlfriend Stella. (In the picture above, Ted’s t-shirt summarizes his thoughts about the state.) Both he and his friends hate New Jersey, well, not counting Marshall – he secretly loves it.

Marshall especially loves the “dog t-shirts” that he found at the local wholesale club. Apparently one of the show’s writers thought dog t-shirts are big in New Jersey. I can’t say I’ve ever seen anyone ever wear one of them, but the jab didn’t offend me since Jason Segel makes everything funny.

Regardless of the fact that it’s just over a few years old, “I Heart NJ” is a real classic episode. In it, the gang gets into a heated debate of New York vs. New Jersey, Barney just can’t seem to get props in the form of a fist bump, and Robin finds herself pulling some Evel Knievel type stuff while racing to get her old job back. If you haven’t seen this episode and you don’t feel like waiting for the rerun, How I Met Your Mother is streaming on Netflix.

Batman Arkham City Action Figure Giveaway!!!

Posted on January 7, 2012 by sexyarmpit

The title of the post says it all. We are giving away a set of DC Direct Arkham City Series 1 Batman and Robin figures. These are sold out all over and quickly becoming collector’s items. You don’t have to jump through hoops to win these either. To enter you have two options. All you need to do is:

1) Follow us on Twitter @sexyarmpit and Retweet “@sexyarmpit Batman Arkham City Action Figure Giveaway: http://tinyurl.com/6nw2j9t“

2) If you refuse to join Twitter like some people I know, then just e-mail sexyarmpit@comcast.net with the subject line ARKHAM and you will be entered.

Winner will be chosen randomly using a generator and will be contacted for shipping information. Winner will be announced on 1/31/2011. Thanks for swinging by The Sexy Armpit!

Card Subject To Change Review

Posted on January 6, 2012 by sexyarmpit

Have you ever passed by a barber shop or a dry cleaner and noticed a poster for a local independent wrestling event? Out of the nearly 20 wrestlers that appear on the poster, occasionally you’ve heard of at least a few. Events like this are usually much more reasonable than going to a WWE event, and a lot closer, there may even be one this weekend at your local VFW hall. OK, so you won’t see John Cena, CM Punk, or Zack Ryder, but it will still be a lot of fun. Even as a lifelong, hardcore wrestling fan, the dedication of indy promoters and wrestlers never ceases to amaze me. What keeps these guys performing at these events? It’s definitely NOT the wrestlers paltry payout at the end of the night, it’s the devotion for the business.

Since the hype started hitting the Internet a couple of years ago for the indy wrestling documentary Card Subject To Change: Pro Wrestling’s Underground, I wanted to see it desperately. I went so far as to email the addresses listed on their official site to find out more info on the film or if I could somehow review it. I never heard back from them. You’d think a mere mention of The Sexy Armpit would elicit some sort of response after the several moments of snickering and confusion clears the air. I forgave the filmmakers since the operation was headed by a fellow Kean University graduate, Tim Disbrow. He directed, produced, and edited Card which is now streaming on Netflix. George “The Animal” Steele had his plush creature “Mine,” and Tim has his documentary. Creating a documentary that’s actually entertaining and not boring is quite an accomplishment and I have to hand it to Tim for producing a film with such reverence for the business.

Lots of places around the U.S claim to be exclusive hotbeds for professional wrestling. Actually, the truth is that aside from Madison Square Garden, the state of New Jersey has cultivated so many superstars and continues to have tons of indy wrestling shows all throughout the state. This made it easy for Tim to capture scenes with promoter Johnny Falco who runs shows all over New Jersey.

While The Wrestler illustrated the end of Randy “The Ram” Robinson’s career, Card Subject to Change shines the spotlight on a broader look at the indy wrestling scene. From the outset, Tim Disbrow’s film establishes that there are literally thousands of active professional wrestlers in the country, but probably only around a hundred are signed to full time contracts with the large companies. So DVR the glitz of Smackdown for one night and power up your Netflix. Update your status as “watching a documentary” so they think you’re very cultured and intelligent. Meanwhile you’ll be seeing the local exploits of some of the most well known indy wrestlers.

Appearing in the film are NJ’s Rob Eckos (now Robbie E. in TNA), the late Trent Acid, Kamala, Kevin Sullivan, the late Sensational Sherri in her last interview, ROH’s Rhett Titus (Also from NJ),

Necro Butcher (whom you may know from his appearance in The Wrestler), Corvis Fear, and Sabu among others.

At times, Card shows aspects of the indy scene that are far from glamorous. There are a few wrestlers interviewed who are no longer with us and some actually shoot steroids on film, but the train keeps rolling. The show must continue and every now and then you’ll come across a kid at one of these VGW halls with a dream who is doing everything in his power to make it big. He or she will be the one to look out for…the next one snatched up by the all mighty Vince.

Santa Brought Me Some Cool Shit

Posted on January 5, 2012 by sexyarmpit

KISS + The Beatles = The Beats T-Shirt and Batman lounge pants and Bat-Beer Koozie

Coal is some HOT shit. Instead, I got some cool shit for Christmas. Every year I’m very appreciative of the gifts people give me, the time and effort they put into choosing, buying, and wrapping them, and this year is no different. As usual, the holidays passed by so fast, and now I finally have the chance to look back at some of my gifts.

Usually it’s hard to even think of ideas to tell the people in my life who aren’t sure what to get me for Christmas. But it should actually be pretty easy come to think of it. I’ve liked comics, Batman, WWE/WWF, music, movies, KISS, SNL, Disney, and horror movies since I was a little kid so there’s a wide range of stuff to choose from right there. You can’t go wrong with a person who has a lot of interests.

Oh, and of course there’s my little obsession with the toxic sludge flooded state I call home. As highlighted here on The Sexy Armpit, pretty much anything Jersey related will also do the trick. To avoid having to do the previous rundown every time someone asks me for ideas, I usually just ask for some Tinker Toys…and iTunes and Amazon gift cards. The ‘Pit Crew picked out some really great ones this year. Let’s take a look at some of them:

Disney Traditions Hitchhiking Ghosts Statue by artist Jim Shore

I’m a foolish mortal, and a HUGE Haunted Mansion fan. Last time I was in Disney World, I drooled over this baby in every store we shopped in. Thanks to Ms. Sexy Armpit for this badass surprise!

Funky Chunks Soaps!

When you’re done reading this, click over to FunkyChunks.net and pick up some of their creatively handmade 100% Vegan soaps. Their soaps smell amazing and lather up nicely. After you’re done perusing, read about Michele Rosta, the former punk rocker from Cleveland turned New Jersey soap maker. I was happy to receive The Jersey Devil soap (pictured above) with an order I placed for Christmas. This gray, concrete looking bar of soap smells awesome and has a masculine sensibility, while their Jersey Girl soap (below) is more of a chick soap.

For you non-Jersey maniacs out there, don’t worry, they also offer soaps that aren’t Jersey related such as Frosted Pumpkin, Bewitched, Secret Sin, and Lavender Lemonade to name a few. Trust me, if your mom is going to put soap in your mouth for dropping an F-bomb, you better pray it’s Funky Chunks!

Ghosts of Central New Jersey and Hot Wheels FrankenBerry Van

My sister picked me up The Ghosts of Central Jersey by Richard J. Kimmel which is right up my alley, but I must confess, I bought the Franken Berry van for myself at Pathmark of all places.

Top 10 Moments of 2011

Posted on December 28, 2011October 26, 2020 by sexyarmpit

Plenty of sights brag about their amazing accomplishments. It’s pretty damn easy to kiss your own ass. Almost weekly I come across a post that states something to the effect of “We are celebrating a bajillion hits! YAY FOR US!” The Sexy Armpit does indeed celebrate it’s yearly birthday, but other than that we try to keep the boasting to a minimum because it gets annoying. On the other hand though, I do toot my own horn because blogging doesn’t yield many benefits. Aside from a degree of personal satisfaction, and the occasional media review copy, blogging is simply a lot of work. With that said, allow me to repay myself for all that hard work as I steal a few minutes of your time exploiting the BEST Sexy Armpit moments of 2011! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

10. Showered With Deb and Hilly! – OK So I didn’t actually take a shower with them, it was more like I showered them…with my adoration. The Chiller Theatre Convention in Spring 2011 featured Judie Aronson and Suzanne Snyder (the girls from Weird Science) and as I stood sandwiched in between these ladies, for the first time in my life I didn’t feel like a total dick.

9. My Kick Buttowski Halloween Costume! – Every year for Halloween I have to feel some sort of inspiration or else I won’t dress up. This year I became my favorite child daredevil from the Disney XD cartoon Kick Buttowski.

8. The Sexy Armpit Turns 8 Years Old! – It sounds like a really long time to be blogging but I’ve actually been running websites since the year 2000 which at one time would sound futuristic, but now just makes me a relic! Can you say Geocities?

7. Appeared On The Nerd Lunch Podcast! – It was definitely cool to be a guest on Nerd Lunch. Being on their podcast was a lot different than my former career in rock radio and then doing some podcasting of my own, but it was still a blast!

6. Interviewed By Geof At The Man Cave! – I was able to hang with my friends Geof and Dan at Monster Mania this year and they filmed an interview with me for The Man Cave. I had a lot of fun and it was very cool that they asked me to be on!

5. Oh Yeah, I Wrote Some More Articles – If you liked The Wrestler you should read this. If you were a fan of Macho Man Randy Savage you should read this. If you bought tickets to see Sammi Curr back in the day, read this. Fans of Transformers should read this while fans of G.I Joe might want to read this and this. Finally, if you’re going to take part in the All-Valley Karate tournament, then you might be interested in this.

4. New and Improved Sexy Armpit T-Shirts! – I bought a few for myself! They are available now on Red Bubble right HERE!

3. Interviewed on Star Ledger Live on NJ.com! – Brian Donohue’s online video show is part of The Star Ledger and NJ.com and he invited me on to talk about my article Gotham City, NJ? to coincide with the filming of The Dark Knight Rises in Newark.

2. Premiered Two Sexy Armpit Shorts For Our YouTube Channel! Watch Get Sludgey to The Starland and The Sexy Armpit Halloween Special 2011.

1. The Sexy Armpit Got Its Own Theme Song! – Our friends, NJ’s retro inspired rockers Lipstick and Cigarettes whipped up the perfect theme song for our upcoming YouTube series! This list has a lot of cool entries, but like my friend Lori said, “…there’s nothing cooler than having your own theme song!” Click the link to watch the band perform it live!