[vimeo http://www.vimeo.com/28698642 w=500&h=281]
The Dirty Pearls perform “Static” live at Maxwell’s in Hoboken, NJ on 9/1/2011.
NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 83: Sons of Anarchy NJ
SOA T-Shirt in a store on the Atlantic City Boardwalk
Although fictional, the Sons of Anarchy may very well be the first thing that pops into your head when asked to name a motorcycle club. Sure, the Hells Angels are probably the most recognizable, but the Sons of Anarchy are about to embark on their 4th season of their own show tonight on FX.
SOA are based in California but they also have chapters all over the U.S and around the world. Members of this outlaw motorcycle gang are recognized by the logo on their vest. The logo is white on black and depicts a grim reaper holding a scythe with an M16 handle and crystal ball showing the anarchy symbol. The various regional chapters are cited under the logo and this one is from the New Jersey chapter of the SOA.
The existence of a New Jersey chapter may be the idea of the show’s creator, executive producer, and full blooded Jersey guy, Kurt Sutter. A graduate of Rutgers University, Sutter was also a writer on FX’s “The Shield.” Sutter has proven his versatility by serving as writer, actor, director, and producer on both The Shield and his own creation, Sons of Anarchy. In real life, Sutter is married to Katey Sagal (Peggy Bundy) who also plays Gemma on the show. According to his IMDB profile, he’s got pediophobia, which means he’s scared of dolls.
Sutter grew up in Clark NJ watching a lot of cartoons and told reporter Linda Moss in an interview on New Jersey News Room, that he learned “the essentials of storytelling from Hanna Barbera.” You can watch the premiere of Sons of Anarchy tonight at 10pm on FX!
Follow Kurt Sutter on Twitter and check out his blog!
Jon Bon Jovi Does Not Work For Me
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gFlfuqcsF0?rel=0]
Surprisingly “Work For The Working Man” sucks only a little bit less than the rest of the tracks on Bon Jovi’s latest effort The Circle. The second I heard this blah medium paced rocker previous to it’s release in late 2009, it’s lyrics struck me as ironic coming from an obscenely wealthy music icon. I’m a working man and Jon Bon Jovi sure as hell doesn’t work for me, otherwise he’d still be recording songs that make me jump out of my chair and play air guitar in front of my mirror.
Jon Bon Jovi’s limp songwriting as of late is partly because in the past several years he’s been too concerned with being an entrepreneur and hosting political galas to be a real rock star. Why concentrate on writing kickass songs when there’s hobnobbing to do, hands to shake, pockets to fill, and horned up wives to flirt with? Rock stars always boast that there’s no better job in the world than to play their music in front of crowds on a nightly basis. Sure, being a successful musician or rock star is lucrative, and as you know, offers a lot of tremendous fringe benefits. So why is this guy singing about losing his pension and having to work 2 jobs just to get by?
Jon Bon Jovi’s net worth is estimated to be in the same range of the number of records his band has sold: 100 million. Listening to Jon sing lyrics that question “Who’s gonna work for the working man?” is ridiculous. Jon brazenly announces that he’s “here trying to make a living” in the first line of the song. It’s a warm and fuzzy sentiment, but really just a futile attempt at appealing to the hard working average middle class citizen – the very group of people responsible for igniting the band to fame in early ’80s New Jersey. Most of them aren’t rock stars, but some did take a crack at it after seeing him make it big. Where are they now? Probably looking to be interviewed by The Sexy Armpit.
Jon Bon Jovi may have grown up in middle class suburban Sayreville, New Jersey, but it wasn’t very long before Bon Jovi’s hit records started making them millions. Oh, the woes of having a family and trying to make ends meet on a one hundred million dollar budget! I know Jon, it must be a real challenge to get those utility bills paid at the end of the month when dealing with such a meager salary. I hear the Bon Jovi clan may even have to skip Christmas this year. You know, sometimes I have $9 dollars left in my account when I’m done paying bills? Look out, airing on E! Network soon, Jay’s True New Jersey Story.
Talk about Captain Crash, more like Captain Obvious! Themes such as the economy, unemployment lines, and government involvement are as easily detectable in the song as the moments in concert when Jon’s about to twinkle his spirit fingers. You can see them coming from 7800 miles away. The song’s clunky title, awkward chorus, and political theme fail to unite with the run of the mill Jovi musical background. Which reminds me about an old story. Once upon a time…not so long ago, Bon Jovi sang a song about a working class couple. Although “Work” shares a similar chugging musical intro that recalls their signature song “Livin’ On A Prayer,” their hopes to evoke the same emotions as “Prayer” has for the last 25 years were squashed.
John F. Kennedy’s Inaugrual Address in 1961 included his famous call to action “…ask what you can do for your country.” Essentially, Jon lyrics stand behind Americans who work their asses off every day and are still getting screwed. Now it’s the governments turn to help the people out a little bit, and no matter your political beliefs, that’s not a bad idea that Jon has. The bigger issue here is why he and his guitar slinger Richie Sambora couldn’t turn these passionate sentiments into a huge walloping rock song with an indelible chorus that doesn’t merely ask a question, but instead commands results. Rock music needs to resist and challenge the status quo, but unfortunately Bon Jovi’s “Work” output is too sluggish to be taken seriously.
Straight No Chaser at Harrah’s in Atlantic City
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2E8znrSgxqM?rel=0]
Rock, metal, pop, new wave, I enjoy it all, except for a capella. It’s not like I loathe a capella music, it’s more of the fact that I’d rather just hear songs the way they were originally recorded. So, it was ironic that for the past couple of years there’s been an ongoing joke I’ve had with Miss Sexy Armpit about the a capella band Straight No Chaser. I knew nothing about these guys except for the fact that they were appearing every damn place I went. If I was walking down a hallway, leaning up against a wall, or surfing the net, I would somehow encounter Straight No Chaser, without fail, especially while in Atlantic City.
You can’t really go anywhere in A.C without hearing this group mentioned. I grew so sick of hearing about them that I started working them into everything I said to point out how ludicrous their name sounded. Soon I met up with one of my best friends for pizza (Sciortino’s if you’re wondering) and he started gushing about how amazing this singing group was who he saw perform in Atlantic City a few weeks prior. Of course, it was Straight No Chaser which made me laugh. I couldn’t escape these guys! I still wasn’t sold.
On top of all that, Miss Armpit informed me that she got us a couple of tickets to their Back To The Shore concert at Harrah’s during Labor Day weekend. I appeased her and said “I’ll go,” even though I was less than enthusiastic about it. Fast forward a day or two later and even my parents came home from a weekend trip to A.C totally raving about the time they had at a recent Straight No Chaser show. I needed to check these guys out to see what all the fuss was about.
SNC are an all dude a capella group from Indiana who have tremendous voices and harmonize flawlessly. They perform a wide range of cover songs, all of which you are familiar with, from pop songs to TV theme songs. The band recreates all the vocals, background music, and sounds you hear in the original song purely using their voices. Now I’m trusting all the high praise that I’ve heard about them and looking forward to the show! Tickets are available at the link above.
Here’s SNC live in A.C with medley’s of BRUCE and Bon Jovi courtesy of YouTuber DaisyKary:
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lPBWPbHr00?rel=0]
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WeithIkKRQ?rel=0]
Futurama’s Got Jokes 2
Jersey is again the punchline of a joke in a Futurama episode. Fry and Bender decide to become roommates in “I, Roommate,” episode 3 of season 1 which originally aired in April of 1999.
It’s decided by the group that Fry has to move out since he’s being a slob and fouling up the business. They have no choice but to kick him out. After Fry moves into Bender’s apartment that’s as small as a closet, they set out on a search for a new apartment for the both of them.
During a montage of clips showing the duo’s quest for a new place to live, we see them go through all kinds of weird places including one apartment that turned out to be an MC Escher painting come to life.
But the moment Fry visits an apartment that looks suspiciously perfect, he’s in disbelief as the realtor shows them around.
FRY: “Well I give up…what’s the catch?”
REALTOR: “Oh, no catch, although we are technically in New Jersey.”
Immediately after seeing the New Jersey apartment he was convinced they exhausted all their options. Fry determines that he hasn’t looked at “one place even remotely livable.” Eventually, the odd pair are able to move into the apartment of one of Professor Farnsworth’s recently deceased colleagues.
NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 82: High Hopes
My Amazon wish list is a junkyard of DVDs that nobody wants. I’ve got the weirdest shit on that list. The DVDs just sit there, unbought. For years! I have over five hundred movies on there, enough that 10 people probably couldn’t get through them in their entire lifetimes. But somehow I think I will one day. Or, I just like to pay a minimal amount of attention to the lesser known efforts. Some are B-movies, some are forgotten comedies, most of them are cheesy, but only one of them features Parker Lewis having a run in with Diamond Dallas Page.
Buying this unfortunate film was completely out of the question. So, I did what any B-film curious movie lover would do…I checked Netflix. Sure enough, HIGH HOPES (2006) popped right up as being available for streaming! I started feeling like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and off my wish list.
The plot is pretty standard late night cable comedy fare. A group of guys are attempt to get their movie financed and they bank on their friends movie star girlfriend to star in it and then she breaks up with the guy so they are up the creek. Blah, blah, you could figure out all the wacky hijinks that ensue as they try to accomplish their goal. The cast is made up of actors who will probably charge you an exorbitant amount for an autograph at the next Monster Mania Con.
And no, I wasn’t joking, Corin Nemec does indeed have a run in with former pro wrestler DDP. Geez, doesn’t he know not to refer to DDP as a pimp? I really loved Parker Lewis Can’t Lose when I was a kid. Of course, now it’s trendy to claim that with all the hard- ons out there for ’90s nostalgia. It’s good to see he’s still getting acting jobs. He must still synchronize swatches previous to his auditions. Boy I’ll tell you who this movie could’ve used…TV’s Ferris Bueller CHARLIE SCHLATTER! But perhaps even more of a coup was the decision to cast one half of our local stoner tag team, Jason Mewes. (Check out his awesome New Jersey t-shirt pictured above.) If you’re a Jay and Silent Bob fan, this film won’t be such a stretch for you. There’s many variations on Jason Mewes getting stoned such as the one that will warm your heart: Jason Mewes getting a deaf mute guy stoned. You’ll also see Dany Trejo whose company Trejo 4.0 also co-produced the film which probably explains why his friend from Point Pleasant NJ, DDP had a cameo. Previously, they both appeared together in The Devil’s Rejects.
There are many worse low budget comedies on my wish list than High Hopes. I hope to continue gradually eliminating the crap from it. I gave the film a chance, but for you it just comes down to deciding if you want to part with an hour and a half of your life which will be dedicated to watching a movie which cast includes David Faustino and the kid who played Alex in Head of the Class. You really have to be a lover of the obscure ones, or just completely desperate for something to watch. Here’s my final verdict: Less Dick as in Andy Dick and more of that Lacey stuff…I mean Lacey Chabert.
NJ Is Under Water!
Many towns throughout the Garden State are submerged in water right now. News helicopters have been filming people getting around town by canoe and TV reporters are standing in the middle of streets knee deep in water. This vintage postcard from 1958 is a funny one, but Hurricane Irene was no joke. Can you imagine not having cable for like…an entire day? What about Internet? Worse than that: what about all your snacks in the basement pantry? Soaked! New Jersey is the wet basement capitol of the world right now. In all seriousness, it seems to the rest of the world that we are being little babies about this hurricane. While it wasn’t as severe as some previous hurricanes, it still caused a ton of damage and claimed 35 lives in it’s wake. So far, we know that 4 of them were from New Jersey. The Sexy Armpit sends our sincere condolences out to their families.
New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.57: The Hurricane
As I sit at my computer I can barely concentrate due to the violent winds firing a barrage of liquid bullets at my windows. Weather reports have supposedly downgraded the storm but it seems like we are experiencing a full fledged hurricane. The President and Governor have declared a state of emergency in New Jersey and the surrounding areas. About a million people have evacuated our shore towns. Casinos have been shut down for only the 3rd time in over 30 years. So, while I still have power and Internet service, I’d like to recommend some appropriate viewing in case you are looking for something to watch since you’re probably stuck indoors for the next day or so.
Despite accusations of it not being absolutely historically accurate, I still recommend you check out 1999’s “The Hurricane,” which features another first rate performance by Denzel Washington. Washington was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Actor and also took home a Golden Globe award for his work in the film and his turn was also lauded by Roger Ebert as being “on a par with his work in Malcom X.”
The biographical film of middleweight boxer Rubin “Hurricane” Carter’s life works best if you aren’t too familiar with his unfortunate story. Carter was wrongly convicted for a murder in Paterson, New Jersey in 1966 and spent 20 years in prison for it. It’s a compelling and tense drama filled with emotional performances and engrossing boxing sequences. The film also stars Deborah Unger, Liev Schreiber, Rod Steiger, Dan Hedaya, David Paymer, Debbi Morgan, and Vincent Pastore.
A few interesting facts about the film:
– Bob Dylan’s 1975 protest song “Hurricane” is featured on the soundtrack and according to Wikipedia, Dylan visited Carter in prison and later wrote the song.
– Thanks to the film’s IMDB profile, the filming locations included East Jersey State Prison (Rahway Prison), Paterson NJ, and Trenton NJ.
– The picture of Malcolm X used in the film is actually a picture of Denzel Washington from the film Malcolm X.
G.I JERSEY: Dreadnoks On The Jersey Shore!
Marvel’s G.I Joe comic book line (1982-1994) used New Jersey as a location quite often. In reality, to set a Joe story in Jersey isn’t all that far fetched. New Jersey is home to many Air Force, Army, Navy, and Coast Guard bases and training centers including McGuire, Dix, and Picatinny to name a few. Also in Jersey, the shore town of Sandy Hook is not only home to a famous nude beach, but at one time was used as the nation’s first proving ground. Coincidentally, the Sandy Hook Proving Ground was eventually moved to Aberdeen, Maryland which is where G.I Joe issue #81’s story begins.I always knew Cobra was underhanded, but a lame real estate scheme? Please don’t tell me that Cobra Commander was having secret dealings with real estate infomercial guru Dean Graziosi, whom as I’ve mentioned many times in the past, has me convinced that he was formerly a woman and had a sex change operation. If the Commander did engage in a business relationship with that swindler then I’d lose all respect for him.
Regardless, Cobra Commander did indeed strike up a deal which lead to the Dreadnoks getting sent to Jersey. In the issue, families of Cobra employees get hauled on a ship to an undisclosed area somewhere in the U.S. We find out that a small span of the Jersey Shore, the fictional Broca Beach, winds up being the secret location where the families are being moved to. The Dreadnoks are basically instructed to be make sure they are moved discreetly. Fat chance with those hell raisers as your point men. Imagine that, The Dreadnoks – what a welcome wagon!
The idea of the Dreadnoks in Jersey is pretty f’n rad. The ‘noks have a long history in Jersey as they’ve set up many hideouts there since the gang’s inception. In this issue, The Dreadnoks are actually pictured speeding down the infamous New Jersey Turnpike while wrecking up toll booths in the process. Now that’s pretty badass.
Notice the Haunted Castle at the end of the Broca Beach Boardwalk!
We shouldn’t worry our little heads about Cobra and his Dreadnoks plot at Broca Beach because Mutt and Battleforce 2000 are on the job. As we learned in the first installment of G.I JERSEY, Mutt is a native of the Garden State so why would he need maps of the highways? Jersey highways may seem a little convoluted if you’re a first time visitor, but navigating NJ is pretty damn cut and dry in comparison to other states in the country. It’s true that in Jersey all you need to know is “what exit?” Someone get Mutt a damn GPS!
You may be wondering, what the hell is Battleforce 2000? Well, BF200 was a specialized crew of Joes who had high tech armor, weapons, and vehicles. Debuting in 1987, it was one of of the gimmicks that used to turn me off about action figure lines and cartoons. With most action figure lines back then and their cartoon or comic counterpart, there always seemed to be some zany new look for the characters with a fancy new group moniker as an excuse to sell more figures.
NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 81: NJ Earthquake Survivor
I found this NJ Quake Survivor T-Shirt via a link from Scarlet Carson
I always thought watching the late wrestler John Tenta was the closest I’d ever come to experiencing an actual earthquake. I lived my entire life in Jersey and I’ve never felt one tremor…until today. An aftershock stemming from an earthquake near Virginia caused tremors all the way up through New York and Connecticut. For those of you who have lived through a quake, it’s scary but sort of thrilling at the same time. Thankfully, the mere 30 seconds of rumbling wasn’t life threatening, but still pretty scary for people in our state who are ill prepared for an earthquake.
Can you believe there are already NJ Earthquake t-shirts, websites, and even Twitter accounts now? People are always trying to make a quick buck, but can you blame them in this shitty economy? These NJ earthquake survivor t-shirts are funny because we all feel pretty damn proud of ourselves for making it through the tiniest aftershock, when meanwhile folks on the west coast live through tremors constantly. How about you, did you feel the earthquake today? Was it your first?
Today’s t-shirt is available at Cafe Press.