Wrestlemania 29: IT’S IN JERSEY THIS TIME!!!

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Vince McMahon’s goal in bringing Wrestlemania to MetLife Stadium was to beat the NFL to the punch by a year. In 2014 The Super Bowl will be taking place at MetLife Stadium, though it’s still referred to by most people in the Tri-State area as GIANTS STADIUM. Tomorrow, Vince and his crew of superstars will join Governor Chris Christie in East Rutherford NJ for the official announcement that WWE’s grandest event will emanate from MetLife Stadium on April 7th, 2013.

Rumors about this have been surging the past couple of months, so this wasn’t a surprise. To say I can’t contain my excitement is an understatement. Pro Wrestling sites, Twitter, and even real live actual people are buzzing about this. Considering that the New York Giants just won the Super Bowl, that makes this announcement even more monumental. There’s no telling how the G-Men will do next year, but either way, WWE chose the right venue.

But wait! The infant MetLife Stadium has no roof! As you may know, the weather in Jersey is whacked out. The first week of April will either be freaky freezies weather, torrential downpours, or swamp-ass city 90 degree heat. We rarely enjoy a happy medium as far as weather goes. I’m not complaining, WWE obviously has a plan for inclement weather. Either way, it’s revenue and publicity for New Jersey and that’s positive.

Now if we can get WWE to stop saying Wrestlemania is coming to New York/New Jersey. If WWE was holding Wrestlemania in Madison Square Garden, that would be New York. Of course it’s still too early to tell, but the fact that Wrestlemania 30 won’t be held in MSG boggles my mind. Since the major turn to stadiums for Wrestlemania, it would seem more appropriate to have the 30th Wrestlemania at MetLife Stadium rather than the 29th, but who knows, I’m sure they have a secret master plan.

This could very well be a once in a lifetime opportunity. As a hardcore WWF/E fan since 1984, I never thought there would be a Wrestlemania held so close to where I live. Now that there finally will be, it may not happen again for a very long time so I’m definitely going to do everything in my power to be a part of it. I have the memory burned into my brain of watching Hulk vs. Andre at the Pontiac Silverdome live on pay per view with my friends and fast forward 25 years later and now it’s blowing my mind that I might be in the audience of an event of a similar scale just mere miles away from home. It’s all come full circle for me. Now if only we can assure that Steve Austin returns for one last match against C.M Punk!

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Valentine’s Eve Starring Jason Voorhees?

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Many people say Valentine’s Day is lame and stupid, but they’re mostly single people. Even though it is a pretty hokey holiday (if you want to call it a holiday), I usually just embrace it as I do most other holidays. If you have even the slightest degree of appreciation for your loved ones, I’m sure you’ve scanned the selection of Valentine’s Day cards at the local grocery or convenience store and found a bunch of generic B.S. That’s why I looked to Zazzle this year. It’s where I found one of the coolest Valentine’s Day cards ever.

*Spoiler Alert – I probably should’ve given this to Miss Sexy Armpit last night, but I hadn’t finished writing the message inside of it yet. Maybe she can act surprised when she opens it! This is a perfect V-day card for horror fanatics out there, especially fans of Friday the 13th!  It’s a little late now, but order it for next year and you’ll be prepared. Keep in mind, you won’t find this Happy Valentine’s Eve card in stores. Click over to Zazzle where you can get this card or its graphic on a t-shirt as well.
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Friends With Benefits (2011) Review

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Dylan and his father, pants-less, eating in Newark Liberty Int’l Airport

Friends With Benefits was just an excuse to maximize Timberlake’s on-screen butt time. Will Gluck really sold out. I expected a lot more out of him. Many of you are probably thinking, “Who the hell is Will Gluck?” and rightfully so. Unless you are film fanatic or someone who pays close attention to film director’s resumes, that name probably passed you by.

Sold out sounds so cliche, but it’s what Gluck did to a degree. The director was hired to make a larger budget movie with big name stars. Too many writers spoil the script and in the case of Friends With Benefits, it took 3 people to write the story, and Gluck and 2 other writers to write the screenplay. Seriously? And even with all those writers, it was all just a bunch of romps in the sack.

If a movie company was throwing obscene amounts of cash at me to make a movie exactly the way they wanted it, I’d do it too. Gotta make a living, right? Gotta pay for that new hot tub. Gotta buy that hot new Acura NSX. Gotta build that reputation in order to make more Hollywood crap. You go Gluck! I genuinely loved Fired Up, his cheerleading comedy, and Easy A with Emma Stone, but in terms of freshness I give this an Easy F. His previous films were creative and current, yet Friends is exactly what you’d expect from a romantic comedy…not much.

Friends really wants to mean something to the teens and twenty-somethings of this generation, but it’s ultimately just corporate garbage. It’s another “insert hot young star here,” and “insert another sex scene there.” Why was there 2 flash mob scenes? TWO!!! The film’s finale desperately wanted to be poignant and as memorable as when Lloyd Dobler held up his boom box in Say Anything. There’s a reason why you know that scene even though you may never have seen the movie and that’s because because it was a meaningful scene that reflected the time and has since been parodied to death. Is wooing a girl via flash mob going to be looked at the same way 20 years down the road?

Mila Kunis is certainly hot and Timberlake is truly talented but commingling them didn’t ignite any spark. Much like the embarrassing Love and Other Drugs, if you watch Friends With Benefits in mega high speed it would just look like a series of awkward sex scenes. If your Grandparents saw this movie they’d say “What are ya watchin’, porno ya pervert?!?!” It’s the typical Hollywood formula featuring a hot male actor to grab the girl moviegoers and a sexy young female star to lure in dopey guys like me. They had me at Jackie from That ’70s Show. Boy did I fall for it.

It wasn’t all boner pissing though, Friends with Benefits did deal with some serious issues. Although I had a barf bag next to me the whole time, I appreciate how the Alzheimer’s angle was handled. Unfortunately, it seemed conveniently shoehorned into the script in order to give some human qualities to its characters. The best scene of the movie is when Timberlake takes his pants off and joins his father (who’s afflicted with Alzheimer’s and has his pants off) at a restaurant for a steak dinner in Newark Liberty International Airport. I can watch Mila Kunis stare blankly into space and be content for an hour, but this scene actually had some depth.

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DYLAN: “You have a boat?!?!”
TOMMY: “I live in Jersey and I ain’t takin’ no ferry…unless it’s out to dinner and a show!”

I always enjoy Woody Harrelson and this time around was no exception. He excels in random supporting roles and here he played a gay online sports journalist who constantly advertised his love of men’s genitalia. He also takes his boat across the river back to New Jersey where he lives which kicks ass because he doesn’t have to sit in traffic.

Friends with Benefits should be a sequel to The Breakup where Vaughn and Aniston really do just become friends after their breakup and one thing leads to another and they each lose their jobs at different times while the other is still working and since they aren’t dating anyone they have to angle to get put onto the others health benefits. Listen, it may sound ridiculous now, but when Universal green-lights it in 2 years you’ll be having deja-vu. But, in all seriousness, I spent the whole movie wishing that it turned into the kooky love story of Andy Samberg and Emma Stone who actually appeared in the beginning of the film. It would’ve been so much more Glucking awesome.

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Van Halen’s New Album and A.C Concert

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PhotobucketYesterday Van Halen’s A Different Kind of Truth was released to the delight of their legions of fans. As a fan of Roth, I have been waiting patiently for the past couple of years to hear some concrete information on the new album with Diamond Dave. Most of the rumors and false starts were reported and frustrated the crap out of myself and many other fans. It’s been 15 years since VH created new music with David Lee Roth and I was curious to hear their next evolution.

The first single “Tattoo,” had all the right elements. It was perhaps not as hard rocking as I would’ve liked, but still evoked the light hearted old school VH antics. Pre-ordering on iTunes was a no-brainer for me. Finally, on February 7th, 2012 the brand new VH songs downloaded into my account. 
My favorites after one thorough listen of the album this morning are “Stay Frosty,” the sequel to “Ice Cream Man,” which the L.A Times referred to as a “clunker” (they clearly aren’t fans of VH), and “Big River.” I’ve also gathered from reading various reviews that some of the tracks from the album were reworked from early demos of the band in order to grab that classic VH sound. There’s definitely a few tracks that are as succinct or as fleshed out as they could’ve been. Evidence is clear: there’s a song called “As Is.” 
I’m not an audio expert, but I noticed that Roth’s vocals should’ve been more prominent in the mix on a couple of the tracks. Occasionally, his voice seemed drowned out compared to the literally MIGHTY rhythm section. Truth is definitely a heavier album in terms of the instrumental side of the music, but Dave sounds damn good.
Regardless of the minor gripes, I’m just happy to have a new VH album with Diamond Dave. Is it only a matter of time before they explode into ridiculous in-fighting amongst the band? Should I fear that the March 24th, 2012 VH concert at Boardwalk Hall in Atlantic City will be cancelled because of another Roth/Eddie blowout? I hope not! 
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NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 92: Randy “The Ram” Robinson

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It’s been a little over 3 years since it’s release and I am still as crazy about The Wrestler as I was the first time I saw it. It’s the combination of Mickey Rourke’s heart wrenching performance, the reminiscing about the glory days of professional wrestling, and its New Jersey setting that makes it hit so close to home for me. Darren Aronofsky’s masterpiece remains legendary, especially to fans of the pro-wrestling business, but we the fans need to keep it alive! One way to do that is through wearing The Ram’s t-shirt!

Even though there was a glimpse of a Randy “The Ram” Robinson action figure in the movie, it was merely a custom job. You may be able to find a few custom Ram figures in the outer reaches of the Internet, but that’s about it. Since The Wrestler wasn’t watered down by a marketing onslaught, fans took it upon themselves to create t-shirts for their broken down Jersey hero. I wore mine this past weekend, and I’ve also noticed WWE’s Curt Hawkins (Zack Ryder’s former tag partner) proudly wearing a black Randy “The Ram” T-shirt as well. You can purchase one via Zazzle at this link.

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Madonna, Atlantic City, and Armpits…

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Frequently I come out with some preposterous claims. One of these includes the theory that I may have invented the “screen shot” or “screen grab” as it’s commonly known. As soon as Desperately Seeking Susan was available on VHS, Momma Armpit brought me home a copy because she knew I wanted it. I watched it over and over marveling at the fact that I could keep rewinding my favorite scene and watch it over and over. Believe it or not, my favorite scene wasn’t seeing Rosanna Arquette’s boobs, nope, as nice as they are, I was more interested in a scene most of you probably quickly forgot about. 
My favorite scene comes when Madonna is in the Port Authority bathroom looking super sexy in her hot pink mesh Atlantic City shirt. She walks over to the hand dryer and raises her arms to dry her armpit. Now, contrary to popular belief, I do not have an armpit fetish so get this out of your head right away. The name of the site might mislead you, but I just think it’s a funny scene. I wouldn’t doubt that Madonna actually came up with that herself because she’s really perverse.
Anyway, I took my 35MM Vivitar camera (that I still own!) and took a few snapshots of the TV screen while this scene was playing. My mom went to get the film developed and as she was going through the pics of the family gatherings and events there were also 2 or 3 shots of Madonna air drying her armpits. Classic.
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AD JERSEUM 15: Gary’s Oasis

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Gary’s Oasis…
All Your Fantasies Can Come True…Now Buy a Jacuzzi you pricks! I need a new car stereo!

There’s no stipulation in AD JERSEUM saying that we can’t discuss fictional ads relating to Jersey, so the 15th installment of Ad Jerseum comes from the 1985 film Desperately Seeking Susan.

During a sleepover when I was a kid, instead of hanging out and pretending we were on secret missions with toy guns and all the usual activities, I once made my best friend watch Desperately Seeking Susan. This was one of the rare times he actually trusted me and agreed to watch a film that I recommended. I was a little kid in love with the Material Girl, what can I say? Most of my friends would’ve told me in more juvenile terms that my sleepover agenda was out of whack, but not Frank, he was a trooper. He actually got into the movie and enjoyed it.

“In our New Jersey showroom we have hundreds of models of whirlpools and hot tubs at the lowest manufacturer-to-you prices…”

Speckled with New Jersey references, Desperately Seeking Susan was less about Madonna and more about Roberta Glass. Roberta desperately wanted to BE like Susan (Madonna). She was unlike the obnoxious women you see on the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Roberta lived in a beautiful home in Fort Lee, NJ and had everything she needed because her husband raked in a fortune selling spas and jacuzzis to rich assholes. Her husband, Gary (yes…Gary Glass – possibly the brother or cousin of George Glass, we’re still investigating that), was basically a self centered d-bag played to a tee by actor Mark Blum.

In the film, Glass has a party to view the airing of his latest commercial. The Gary’s Oasis TV spot has a similar production quality as a commercial you might see at 3 AM for a crappy local car dealership. But, it’s the blonde girls in bathing suits volleying the beach ball back and forth as they sit 2 feet away from each other that makes this one AD JERSEUM GOLD!!!

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New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.63: Night Shift

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Night Shift

Sure, the line “Take LIVE tuna fish and feed ’em mayonnaise!” may not be as iconic as “Nice f*ckin’ model,” and definitely not as imitated as “I’m Batman,” but it’s also from a film in the career of an actor who has personified a multitude of quirky and hilarious characters. Many roles Micheal Keaton has chosen are zany and often outlandish, but those are the ones that continue to make me laugh ’til this day.

One of the early films I wore out on VHS was 1983’s Mr. Mom. Jack Butler is still one of my favorite characters ever even though he’s a lot more laid back than Bill Blazejowski in his first major movie role in Night Shift the previous year. Night Shift is right up there with Keaton’s best work. It’s hard to beat the team-up of The Fonz and Michael Keaton as morgue attendants who become pimps and start a brothel.

Keaton’s Billy Blaze was always amped up, humming The Rolling Stones “Jumpin’ Jack Flash,” and chock full of so many ideas that he had to dictate them into his handheld tape recorder so he wouldn’t forget them. Sounds a lot like what I do with the notes app on my iPhone. I related to Blaze since I worked the night shift for a few years and it’s certainly a whole other culture.

To pass the time, Blaze was always yapping a mile a minute to his partner Chuck (Winkler). A couple of the stories he told involved his trips down to Atlantic City to gamble. I always love watching movies that were filmed in New York City in the ’80s and the proximity to A.C is what gives this film that extra coolness. As Blaze told his stories I could just imagine him driving across the river and hopping on the GSP all the way down to Atlantic City, humming Stones songs all the way. In the early ’80s A.C was the Northeast’s answer to Las Vegas, but according to Blaze “Vegas knows how to treat you right… cause they got broads…and Wayne Newton…”

BILL BLAZEJOWSKI GOES TO ATLANTIC CITY:

“Chuck, I’m really getting good at remembering these cards. (21 jeez!) Boy I’ll tell ya Chuck…this weekend is it. This weekend I go to Atlantic City and I do nothing but play blackjack straight through. I’m not even gonna get a room I’m just gonna get those wash’n dries…ya know? Did I tell you I thought of them first?”

“You know I’ve been working on my blackjack system, right? All right, so, I get down to Atlantic City this weekend and I’m sitting in the casino with my wash’n dries; Did I tell you I had the idea for them first? Anyway I’m sitting there and I’m playing blackjack right…they bar me, they bar me, I’m out, I’m barred, I can’t get in now, right. You know why? Being too good a player…”

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The Beatles “Every Little Thing” Written in Atlantic City, NJ

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This cool piece of New Jersey rock and roll history comes from The Beatles Bible, a boundless online source of everything Beatles. While reading this amazing site, I discovered some trivia about the track “Every Little Thing,” from The Beatles For Sale album which was released at the end of 1964. Several months prior to the album’s release, The Beatles played Convention Hall in Atlantic City on August 30th, 1964.
After The Beatles played to 18,000 fans at Convention Hall in A.C, they stayed at the Marquis De Lafayette in Cape May. There was no pay per view porn back then so they did what all typical rockers did in their down time, they played cards, had a fiercely competitive game of Monopoly, chatted with Elvis on the phone, and oh yeah…wrote another song. It was “Every Little Thing,” a love song about how lucky this guy was to have such a great girl.

“John and I got this one written in Atlantic City during our last tour of the States. John does the guitar riff for this one, and George is on acoustic. Ringo bashes some timpani drums for the big noises you hear.” – Paul McCartney,  The Beatles Off The Record Keith Badman

Take a look at a collection of ticket stubs from The Beatles A.C concert HERE
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