Giants’ CRUZ: From Paterson To The NFC Championship!

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You see those numbers under his eyes? That’s the Paterson NJ area code! 
CRUUUUUZ!!!!

The Sexy Armpit is celebrating The New York Giants huge win over the Green Bay Packers tonight. Next week The G-Men will be facing off against the San Francisco 49ers for the NFC Championship. Before that we’d like to pay tribute to one of the G-Men who has been so instrumental to the team this year and that is Victor Cruz.

If you think you hear boos when he makes a huge catch or scores of TD, that’s actually a CRUUUUZ chant. It’s just like the BRUUUUCE chants at a Springsteen concert, maybe that’s because Cruz is also a Jersey boy. Cruz hails from Paterson, NJ, amid gangs, drug busts, and shootouts. That strife clearly could not distract him from becoming the NFL superstar that he has become.

There have been a slew of kickass Cruz moments this year. Cruz made a 99 yard touchdown on Christmas Eve 2011 against the Jets and he also now holds a Giants record for most receiving yards in a single season, but perhaps his biggest accomplishment was becoming a dad just last week. He’s already turned down the chance to be on Dancing With The Stars because he’s onto bigger and better things such as possibly taking a vacation to Disney World! Be sure to check him out next Sunday when he salsa dances all the way to the SUPER BOWL after the Giants beat the 49ers!!!

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gwj90GMIeu8?rel=0]

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 91: How I Met Your Mother

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More than a year before MTV’s Jersey Shore began giving New Jersey a bad name, How I Met Your Mother was innovating the prevalent “NJ on TV” trend.

A slew of episodes mention the Garden State, but “I Heart NJ” is one of the best. It originally aired in October of 2008 and in this episode Ted’s been complaining about having to travel to New Jersey to visit his girlfriend Stella. (In the picture above, Ted’s t-shirt summarizes his thoughts about the state.) Both he and his friends hate New Jersey, well, not counting Marshall – he secretly loves it.

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Marshall especially loves the “dog t-shirts” that he found at the local wholesale club. Apparently one of the show’s writers thought dog t-shirts are big in New Jersey. I can’t say I’ve ever seen anyone ever wear one of them, but the jab didn’t offend me since Jason Segel makes everything funny.

Regardless of the fact that it’s just over a few years old, “I Heart NJ” is a real classic episode. In it, the gang gets into a heated debate of New York vs. New Jersey, Barney just can’t seem to get props in the form of a fist bump, and Robin finds herself pulling some Evel Knievel type stuff while racing to get her old job back. If you haven’t seen this episode and you don’t feel like waiting for the rerun, How I Met Your Mother is streaming on Netflix.

Batman Arkham City Action Figure Giveaway!!!

The title of the post says it all. We are giving away a set of DC Direct Arkham City Series 1 Batman and Robin figures. These are sold out all over and quickly becoming collector’s items. You don’t have to jump through hoops to win these either. To enter you have two options. All you need to do is:

1) Follow us on Twitter @sexyarmpit and Retweet “@sexyarmpit Batman Arkham City Action Figure Giveaway: http://tinyurl.com/6nw2j9t

OR

2) If you refuse to join Twitter like some people I know, then just e-mail sexyarmpit@comcast.net with the subject line ARKHAM and you will be entered.

Winner will be chosen randomly using a generator and will be contacted for shipping information. Winner will be announced on 1/31/2011. Thanks for swinging by The Sexy Armpit!

Card Subject To Change Review

PhotobucketHave you ever passed by a barber shop or a dry cleaner and noticed a poster for a local independent wrestling event? Out of the nearly 20 wrestlers that appear on the poster, occasionally you’ve heard of at least a few. Events like this are usually much more reasonable than going to a WWE event, and a lot closer, there may even be one this weekend at your local VFW hall. OK, so you won’t see John Cena, CM Punk, or Zack Ryder, but it will still be a lot of fun. Even as a lifelong, hardcore wrestling fan, the dedication of indy promoters and wrestlers never ceases to amaze me. What keeps these guys performing at these events? It’s definitely NOT the wrestlers paltry payout at the end of the night, it’s the devotion for the business.

Since the hype started hitting the Internet a couple of years ago for the indy wrestling documentary Card Subject To Change: Pro Wrestling’s Underground, I wanted to see it desperately. I went so far as to email the addresses listed on their official site to find out more info on the film or if I could somehow review it. I never heard back from them. You’d think a mere mention of The Sexy Armpit would elicit some sort of response after the several moments of snickering and confusion clears the air. I forgave the filmmakers since the operation was headed by a fellow Kean University graduate, Tim Disbrow. He directed, produced, and edited Card which is now streaming on Netflix. George “The Animal” Steele had his plush creature “Mine,” and Tim has his documentary. Creating a documentary that’s actually entertaining and not boring is quite an accomplishment and I have to hand it to Tim for producing a film with such reverence for the business.

Lots of places around the U.S claim to be exclusive hotbeds for professional wrestling. Actually, the truth is that aside from Madison Square Garden, the state of New Jersey has cultivated so many superstars and continues to have tons of indy wrestling shows all throughout the state. This made it easy for Tim to capture scenes with promoter Johnny Falco who runs shows all over New Jersey.

While The Wrestler illustrated the end of Randy “The Ram” Robinson’s career, Card Subject to Change shines the spotlight on a broader look at the indy wrestling scene. From the outset, Tim Disbrow’s film establishes that there are literally thousands of active professional wrestlers in the country, but probably only around a hundred are signed to full time contracts with the large companies. So DVR the glitz of Smackdown for one night and power up your Netflix. Update your status as “watching a documentary” so they think you’re very cultured and intelligent. Meanwhile you’ll be seeing the local exploits of some of the most well known indy wrestlers.

Appearing in the film are NJ’s Rob Eckos (now Robbie E. in TNA), the late Trent Acid, Kamala, Kevin Sullivan, the late Sensational Sherri in her last interview, ROH’s Rhett Titus (Also from NJ),

Necro Butcher (whom you may know from his appearance in The Wrestler), Corvis Fear, and Sabu among others.
At times, Card shows aspects of the indy scene that are far from glamorous. There are a few wrestlers interviewed who are no longer with us and some actually shoot steroids on film, but the train keeps rolling. The show must continue and every now and then you’ll come across a kid at one of these VGW halls with a dream who is doing everything in his power to make it big. He or she will be the one to look out for…the next one snatched up by the all mighty Vince.

Santa Brought Me Some Cool Shit

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KISS + The Beatles = The Beats T-Shirt and Batman lounge pants and Bat-Beer Koozie

Coal is some HOT shit. Instead, I got some cool shit for Christmas. Every year I’m very appreciative of the gifts people give me, the time and effort they put into choosing, buying, and wrapping them, and this year is no different. As usual, the holidays passed by so fast, and now I finally have the chance to look back at some of my gifts.

Usually it’s hard to even think of ideas to tell the people in my life who aren’t sure what to get me for Christmas. But it should actually be pretty easy come to think of it. I’ve liked comics, Batman, WWE/WWF, music, movies, KISS, SNL, Disney, and horror movies since I was a little kid so there’s a wide range of stuff to choose from right there. You can’t go wrong with a person who has a lot of interests.

Oh, and of course there’s my little obsession with the toxic sludge flooded state I call home. As highlighted here on The Sexy Armpit, pretty much anything Jersey related will also do the trick. To avoid having to do the previous rundown every time someone asks me for ideas, I usually just ask for some Tinker Toys…and iTunes and Amazon gift cards. The ‘Pit Crew picked out some really great ones this year. Let’s take a look at some of them:

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Disney Traditions Hitchhiking Ghosts Statue by artist Jim Shore

I’m a foolish mortal, and a HUGE Haunted Mansion fan. Last time I was in Disney World, I drooled over this baby in every store we shopped in. Thanks to Ms. Sexy Armpit for this badass surprise!
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Funky Chunks Soaps!

When you’re done reading this, click over to FunkyChunks.net and pick up some of their creatively handmade 100% Vegan soaps. Their soaps smell amazing and lather up nicely. After you’re done perusing, read about Michele Rosta, the former punk rocker from Cleveland turned New Jersey soap maker. I was happy to receive The Jersey Devil soap (pictured above) with an order I placed for Christmas. This gray, concrete looking bar of soap smells awesome and has a masculine sensibility, while their Jersey Girl soap (below) is more of a chick soap.

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For you non-Jersey maniacs out there, don’t worry, they also offer soaps that aren’t Jersey related such as Frosted Pumpkin, Bewitched, Secret Sin, and Lavender Lemonade to name a few. Trust me, if your mom is going to put soap in your mouth for dropping an F-bomb, you better pray it’s Funky Chunks!

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Ghosts of Central New Jersey and Hot Wheels FrankenBerry Van

My sister picked me up The Ghosts of Central Jersey by Richard J. Kimmel which is right up my alley, but I must confess, I bought the Franken Berry van for myself at Pathmark of all places. 

Top 10 Moments of 2011

Plenty of sights brag about their amazing accomplishments. It’s pretty damn easy to kiss your own ass. Almost weekly I come across a post that states something to the effect of “We are celebrating a bajillion hits! YAY FOR US!” The Sexy Armpit does indeed celebrate it’s yearly birthday, but other than that we try to keep the boasting to a minimum because it gets annoying. On the other hand though, I do toot my own horn because blogging doesn’t yield many benefits. Aside from a degree of personal satisfaction, and the occasional media review copy, blogging is simply a lot of work. With that said, allow me to repay myself for all that hard work as I steal a few minutes of your time exploiting the BEST Sexy Armpit moments of 2011! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

10. Showered With Deb and Hilly! – OK So I didn’t actually take a shower with them, it was more like I showered them…with my adoration. The Chiller Theatre Convention in Spring 2011 featured Judie Aronson and Suzanne Snyder (the girls from Weird Science) and as I stood sandwiched in between these ladies, for the first time in my life I didn’t feel like a total dick.

9. My Kick Buttowski Halloween Costume! – Every year for Halloween I have to feel some sort of inspiration or else I won’t dress up. This year I became my favorite child daredevil from the Disney XD cartoon Kick Buttowski.

8. The Sexy Armpit Turns 8 Years Old! – It sounds like a really long time to be blogging but I’ve actually been running websites since the year 2000 which at one time would sound futuristic, but now just makes me a relic! Can you say Geocities?

7. Appeared On The Nerd Lunch Podcast! – It was definitely cool to be a guest on Nerd Lunch. Being on their podcast was a lot different than my former career in rock radio and then doing some podcasting of my own, but it was still a blast!

6. Interviewed By Geof At The Man Cave! – I was able to hang with my friends Geof and Dan at Monster Mania this year and they filmed an interview with me for The Man Cave. I had a lot of fun and it was very cool that they asked me to be on!

5. Oh Yeah, I Wrote Some More Articles – If you liked The Wrestler you should read this. If you were a fan of Macho Man Randy Savage you should read this. If you bought tickets to see Sammi Curr back in the day, read this. Fans of Transformers should read this while fans of G.I Joe might want to read this and this. Finally, if you’re going to take part in the All-Valley Karate tournament, then you might be interested in this.

4. New and Improved Sexy Armpit T-Shirts! – I bought a few for myself! They are available now on Red Bubble right HERE!

3. Interviewed on Star Ledger Live on NJ.com! – Brian Donohue’s online video show is part of The Star Ledger and NJ.com and he invited me on to talk about my article Gotham City, NJ? to coincide with the filming of The Dark Knight Rises in Newark.

2. Premiered Two Sexy Armpit Shorts For Our YouTube Channel! Watch Get Sludgey to The Starland and The Sexy Armpit Halloween Special 2011.

1. The Sexy Armpit Got Its Own Theme Song! – Our friends, NJ’s retro inspired rockers Lipstick and Cigarettes whipped up the perfect theme song for our upcoming YouTube series! This list has a lot of cool entries, but like my friend Lori said, “…there’s nothing cooler than having your own theme song!” Click the link to watch the band perform it live!

A Theme: What I Want For Christmas

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Stealing from a couple of classic Christmas movies and songs, there are a few ways I can start this. Mrs. Shields wanted us to write a theme so here goes or if anyone wants any last minute gift ideas for me, (that means YOU Cousin Eddie) and there’s also the Tenacious D/Sum 41 song “Hey now Santa I’m writing to you cause there’s a lot of cool shit I want…” Either way, like Bob & Doug said, “There’s lots of ideas in here, so listen and don’t get stuck”:

Dear Santa,


These are just a few of the things I want. I know I can’t have them all, but if I don’t write them down I might forget. Would you mind keeping these on file for next year in case you can’t make one or two of them happen? Thank you, and you can be sure we’ll leave some good shit for you in case you have the munchies.


Sincerely,


The Sexy Armpit

1) The He-Man Power Sword – offered by Toonseum and Filmation, it was the actual sword He-Man used on the float at the 1986 Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.

2) A flyby from TokiDoki Tattoo Barbie in her Barbie Glamour Jet – Please instruct her to blow me a kiss before she drops a huge shipment of Margaritaville Salsa.

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3) Rhonda Shear and Up All Night is making a comeback – you can check that one off the list

4) Force Chris Collinsworth into retirement from sportscasting

5) Convince Hef to Let The Sexy Armpit Re-Open The Great Gorge Playboy Club in NJ
In this Christmas wish the old Playboy Club in New Jersey is back in action, and it’s rocking better than ever. Hugh personally tapped me to be in charge of it. On one cold Friday night I’m chilling in a hot tub sipping Bubble Gum flavored Kool Aid that Amber Heard served to me in her bunny outfit. To my right is Katy Perry in Rainbow Brite getup. The Bella Twins are laying behind me sprawled out on the deck whispering cute little flirtations into my ear and giggling while sipping a moderately priced champagne. To the left of me is my pal Larry Dallas who’s cracking me up while his on again off again lady friend Princess Giselle looks on with a smile in awe. Providing tunes up on the nearby stage is none other than Prince who just invited Meatwad to join him for a duet of “Little Red Corvette.”

Louis Tully stands by in pajamas with feet and his earmuffs on grasping his canon and saturating us with pink mood slime. Seconds later the record scratches as the maniacal Purple Pie Man crashes the party. We thought he was going to wreak havoc, but he just had a huge blowout with Sour Grapes and wanted to come see if Raspberry Tart and her pet monkey wanted to get into some late night mischief. After some mind altering experiences we take the Batplane to Houlihans and enjoy a shitlaod of their delectable So. Cal Fish Tacos. I can’t stay out too late though because I have a mini-golf outing planned the next morning with Doyle Wolfgang Von Frankenstein. I need to be on point because he’s a bad ass on the course.

6) CGI Danny Devito as a normal Penguin into Batman Returns
I tend to watch Batman Returns during Christmas time and as much as I love Tim Burton I always feel like it needs a lot of improvement. What I’d really love to see with modern computer technology is a revamped version that makes it more of a traditional Batman film. One of the making of documentaries explained that Burton was hesitant to do a sequel to Batman but was coerced into it when the WB big-wigs said he could “make it a Tim Burton movie.” That’s what makes Batman Returns so different than Batman. There would be more of a connection to the first movie if it wasn’t so warped. Penguin never had flippers for hands or ate raw fish right out of it’s scaly body. He was a little rich pipsqueak. There’s a lot of haters of the ’60s Batman show, but Burgess Meredith really nailed the original vision of The Penguin. I know that Burton’s freakish take on The Penguin was just an alternate way to see the character, but I think making DeVito’s Penguin more like the Batman Returns figure that was released by Kenner would’ve made a better Bat-film.

7) Goldust vs. Cody Rhodes

Sure I’d love to see Stone Cold or Jericho come back to fight CM Punk, but there’s also lots of talk on Twitter trying to gear up for this family feud. I’m instigating it as well. I was never really a fan of Dustin until he premiered the character Goldust in WWE in 1995. I immediately became obsessed with his bizarre ways. I went so far as to dress up as him for our backyard wrestling events, face paint and all. I creeped out all my friends. My first ever AOL screen name was even Goldust1. To see him make a comeback against his brother Cody would be awesome, especially with that kickass classic white Intercontinental title on the line! Make it happen WWE!

A New Jersey Christmas Card by David Price

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Mother Armpit found these cards for me when she was out shopping. Don’t moms always find the best stuff? These limited edition cards are 100% sustainable and made in the USA by Allport Cards in Oregon. A portion of the profits from the cards go to charitable causes. In case you were getting jealous, several other states are available as well as other variations such as wine lovers, Shakespeare lovers, etc, but the NJ card is a best seller according to the Allport site. The art by David Price was done with pen and ink on paper and you can check out his other work that appears on cards and towels here.

Elizabeth Gillies is December’s Garden State Playmate

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Santa Claus informed me that he has too many good girls and boys to deliver to this year so he won’t have time to visit The Sexy Armpit. The good news is that he’s dropping off our present early this year. It’s New Jersey native Elizabeth Gillies, one of the stars of Nickelodeon’s Victorious. Don’t get all up in arms…she’s 18.

Elizabeth Gillies Santa's Helper Outfit

Looks-wise, Gillies is reminiscent of a young Lindsay Lohan before the skankiness and the drugs. Lohan starred in the film Mean Girls while Gillies just plays one on TV, but the similarities end there. As bitchy Jade West on Victorious, her goth punk stylings would’ve made me putty in her hand if I was a kid. Jade certainly has an attitude problem, but those blue-green eyes give her a pass. Those colored streaks in her hair, her piercings, tattoos, ohhh…and her fixation for scissors – be still my beating heart!

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If you ever catch Victorious, you’ll see that Gillies is cast perfectly in her role and it’s obvious she’s going to become a big star. Gillies also appeared in the 2008 film Harold and some of her other TV credits include The Black Donnellys and White Collar. She grew up in Haworth, NJ and attended Northern Valley Regional High School in Demarest, NJ.

Victorious: “A Christmas Tori: It’s Not Christmas Without You”
Get More: Victorious Episodes,Victorious,Victorious Games

If Disney Made MTV’s Jersey Shore

Stumbled onto this parody while on YouTube. Many of you might just say…”wow, this user has too much time on their hands,” but xXCaraTabrettXx actually did a pretty damn good job. I’m surprised Disney hasn’t yanked it off yet.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oACE-zw6nE?rel=0]