Jersey’s Got The Most Haters?

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From the Associated Press:

NJ Tops List in Anti-Semitic Hate Crimes

PARAMUS, N.J. (AP) — New Jersey had more anti-Semitic incidents reported in 2008 than any other state. The ADL says there were 238 incidents reported in the Garden State compared to 247 in 2007. California was second with 226 incidents reported and New York was third with 207. ADL regional director Etzion Neuer says the number of reports in New Jersey could be inflated compared to others because New Jersey has a large Jewish population. Information from: The Record of Bergen County, www.northjersey.com

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College Humor’s Dark Knight 1960’s Version

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Being such a hardcore fan of the campy ’60s Batman TV series, I normally would be disgruntled after watching a video that makes fun of the show, but I couldn’t help laughing at this one. College Humor strikes again with their version of The Dark Knight film done in ’60s TV series style. I would recast the guy who’s supposed to be Adam West though.

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The Smithereens: “Time Won’t Let Me” from Timecop

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Rarely do I have a hard time finding the right words, but this is one of those occasions. I was alive and kicking in 1994 when Timecop was released in theaters, but for reasons which escape me, “Time Won’t Let Me” remember this video. I also don’t remember much about the Timecop sequel, TV show, or video game spawned from it either. If I wasn’t searching for The Smithereens on YouTube, I wouldn’t have came across this lost treasure of cheesiness.

Straight from the Armpit of New Jersey, Carteret to be exact, The Smithereens formed in 1980 and enjoyed success throughout the early ’90s with several power pop hits. In 2000, lead singer Pat DiNizio was gracious enough to grant me an in-studio interview and performance on my college radio show at WKNJ-FM. At that time, DiNizio was gunning for the N.J seat in the U.S Senate, and although he didn’t win, he made quite an impact with headlines all over the place. I’ll wager that I’m not the only one who doesn’t remember The Smithereen’s cover of The Outsider’s “Time Won’t Let Me” from Jean-Claude Van Damme’s highest grossing movie ever, Timecop, but let’s take a look at the video starring the entire band and Muscles from Brussels himself!

The Smithereens are playing The Stone Pony in Asbury Park on June 27th, 2009.

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NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 3: Wedding Daze

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In the criminally overlooked movie Wedding Daze, aka The Pleasure of Your Company, 2006 Ted (Michael Weston) is damn proud to wear his “I Lost My Ass in Atlantic City” shirt. I know what you’re saying right now “But Jay, he’s wearing a 3/4 sleeve, how could you possibly include this in a column that strictly spotlights T-Shirts?” And to that I say, very eloquently, “Give me a f–king break! The title of the column would sound stupid if it were just NJ Shirt Tuesday.” Boy, alliteration is really special, isn’t it?

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Wedding Daze is written and directed by Michael Ian Black, who also played a major part in this evening’s Reaper finale. SAVE REAPER! (I’m going to need some alone time, I’m in mourning). I’m a big fan of Michael Ian Black’s writing and stand up, and I’m surprised it’s taken so long for me to finally see this film. I remembered to add it to my Amazon shopping cart and I’m glad I did. Daze stars Jersey boy Jason Biggs, the adorable Borat wife Isla Fisher, Rob Corddry, Hoboken, NJ native Joe Pantoliano (Joey Pants if you’re from Jersey), and Toxic Avenger: The Musical alumni Audra Blaser.

If you haven’t seen it, this is one of those films that flies under the radar but is eons better than any romatic comedy released in the past couple of years. This is one that you AND your girl will enjoy. As an added bonus, some scenes in the movie were were filmed in Atlantic City, NJ.

If you’re still skeptical about seeing it, I’ve got 3 words for ya: The Jewla Hoop!

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Zoe Saldana is May’s Garden State Playmate!

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I admit it, I first came across New Jersey born actress Zoe Saldana in the Britney Spears movie Crossroads. I have no reason to lie to you, I didn’t think it was that bad! The film wasn’t as predictable as I thought it would be, in fact, it was pretty shlocky and had a few unexpected twists. They were almost as unexpected as reading that Zoe likes to wear men’s clothing occasionally. Who doesn’t dig a girl in a man’s business shirt wearing nothing else? That’s always a WIN if you ask me, since she’ll probably feel obligated to take it to get dry cleaned afterwards. You know how girls are, always concerned about returning your clothes in a fragrantly clean condition. For a second there it made me think “Damn, Zoe must smell really good…” then I remembered that’s an impossibility, because she’s from New Jersey!

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In 2003, Zoe scored a pretty sizeable role as Anamaria in one of my favorite movies of all time, Pirates of the Caribbean. Out of the 8 times I saw it in the theater, I was, without a doubt, the ONLY person male or female to announce fairly loudly “HEY, THAT’S THE GIRL FROM CROSSROADS!” I then continued to ogle her and sip my cold, refreshing, $5 dollar cherry ICEE.

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Uhura’s hotness quotient has risen, among other things. Casting Zoe in the new Trek film was a power move since it made watching the film a lot easier for those who weren’t previously fans of Star Trek. Hey now! That’s one Sexy Armpit! Something just beamed up in my trousers! Coming soon, look out for Zoe starring in James Cameron’s Avatar!
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NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 2

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Our first selection this week is another offering from Solid Threads‘ New Jersey collection. The front of the shirt states “I’m From New Jersey but I Don’t Like Bon Jovi,” and the back makes it crystal clear: “I LOVE HIM.” Believe it or not, there’s many Bon Jovi haters here in Jersey. I consider myself a big fan, but if they don’t start cranking out some old school rock records I may lose my Faith in the band! What’s with the silly country music? Give it up already guys! Just play “In and Out of Love” over and over again and we’ll be straight.
Our 2nd and 3rd T-shirts come from Dirty Jerseys who exclusively offer New Jersey tees that are pretty friggin’ funny. The shirt on the top right riffs on the Garden State Parkway logo claiming “It’s My Way or the Parkway.” This shirt truly combines the old saying “My Way or the Highway” with the “F— off” Jersey attitude all wrapped into the immediately recognizable GSP logo. The next one I chose from Dirty Jersey’s says “I Blew My Load in Atlantic City.” The innuendos can’t get anymore blatant than that one! This shirt is hysterical and TRUE because people are blowing their loads in the casino AND with hookers up in the hotel rooms!
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To The Jersey Shore, Robin!

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Many Jersey folks refer to the beach as “the shore,” it’s just something we do. Some people wear socks with sandles, we call the beach “the shore.” Some people still bring fanny packs fastened around their gut that’s hanging over their waaay too small seafoam green bathing trunks, while some middle aged women are parading around in front of other beach goers lacking the proper butt cheek coverage. You can tell when a woman isn’t from around here when she’s wearing what Paul Stanley refers to as “butt floss.” 

At the Jersey Shore, some people don’t give a crap if they kick sand in your face as they pass you. And then SOME PEOPLE BRING A MUTHAF–IN’ BATMAN TOWEL THAT THEY BOUGHT AT WALMART. (Me) So, I got news for you lousy people who have no common courtesy and kick sand around while walking: If you see a guy laying on a Batman towel, watch out because you might get a batarang flung at your ass. And nobody wants to see your gut, you beached whale.

Do you think I should soil this awesome rectangular piece of heavenly bat material by bringing it to the dirty Jersey Shore, or should I keep it sheltered in the linen closet at home as it anxiously awaits it’s chance to soak up the water particles off my squeaky clean body after I shower?
Summer is almost here so break out your bootleg of “Surf’s Up, Joker’s Under,” and as the Joker said…”Cowaboonga!”

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Red Bank New Jersey’s Monster Magnet

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We’ve all heard Monster Magnet’s “Space Lord” a million times, so today let’s change it up and check out the video for “Unbroken (Hotel Baby),” a track they scored a minor hit with from their 2004 album Monolithic Baby. The video’s over the top style and debauchery reminds me of how classic hard rock videos used to be. When I was a kid, I’d fall asleep on the couch at 12:30 a.m on Friday night and wake up later on captivated by the depraved revelry on the screen. I used to WANT MY MTV, where the hell did it go? We need more videos like this! Watch:

http://d.yimg.com/m/up/fop/embedflv/swf/fop.swf

See Monster Magnet w/ Bang Camaro at The Starland Ballroom in Sayreville, NJ this Saturday night 5/16!

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