Star Wars Gang Runway Modeling Ecko Line at Macy’s

Here’s some pics I snapped at Macy’s of Darth, Yoda, Boba, Chewie, and a Stormtrooper sashaying around in the new Marc Ecko Star Wars clothing line. I could almost hear Vader talking to Boba Fett “You’re money baby! You’re money!” Sucks for Ecko and Macy’s, but I think more people would actually want to buy the masks rather than the clothes.

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DAAAMN YODA! those are some big ass hands for one little dude! And Chewie looks like he’s wearing a toupe!

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He’s One Sexy Sith:
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“Name The Sexy Armpit Girl” Contest Winner!

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A big THANK YOU to everyone who entered the contest and came up with such great names! I was excited to see how many responses I received. it was difficult, but after a painstaking elimination process I’ve chosen a winner! Even though I’ve chosen a name, (thanks Corinne!) I will be keeping the names on hand for possible use in other aspects of the site. I’ll announce the name of The Sexy Armpit girl in an upcoming post!

I find it funny that the He-Man T-Shirt contest hasn’t been anywhere near as successful as the Monstrous Halloween Prize pack giveaway was. It just goes to show, people would rather wear a shirt with an image of an unnamed hot chick leaning on a slimy N.J Turnpike sign than a Battle Armor He-Man Ringer T-Shirt. I suppose the action figure it’s inspired by has a real niche fan base. What am I saying? I nearly exploded with amazement when I saw that such an awesome shirt existed! That contest will be over at the end of the month if you’d still like to enter.

I can’t say I have any parting gifts to be announced by Johnny Gilbert or anything, but all of the names and ideas were very creative and made me laugh. If I had enough resources (money) you’d all get prize packs and then I can also save my house from being foreclosed on and having Troy’s father build a golf course over it. Trash the Goondocks.

Here’s some of the best entries:

Pitricia submitted by Richard

Obnoxia Grimm or get different chicks and number them after their TPK exits – submitted by Sal

Pike-slut Penny, The Jersey Swirl, Waxed Winona, Road Rash Roxy, Barbie Beefeater, Sin Sational, Janet “Slow Hand ” Jones, Siena Swallows, Sexy’s Squeeze, Connie Lingus, TeaBag Terry, Lolly Gagger – submitted by John from N.J

Felony Turnpike, Camden Bristol, or just…Jersey – submitted by Joe Sherlock aka Dr. Squid http://www.drsquid.net/ http://fandcproductions.blogspot.com/

Josey T. Urnpike submitted by Ace Johnson

There were several more but these were some of the most memorable. Based on creativity, number of ideas, and sheer determination of the contestant, the Monstrous Prize Pack goes to…

John from N.J! Congratulations! Thanks for being a part of The Sexy Armpit!

Review of ROCK OF AGES: It’s RAD!

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Could it be possible? Does history really repeat itself? I never thought it could happen, but after the rollicking good time I had at ROCK OF AGES on Sunday October 26th at The New World Stages in New York City, I really think it does.

When I was a little kid, tearing through issues of Metal Edge and plastering my walls with posters of GNR, Skid Row, and Poison; I dreamed of the sinful aura of debauchery, sleaze, and mayhem that the L.A sunset strip rock scene evoked. Meanwhile, my sister, in her teens at that time, sang along to all the songs that old worn out VHS tape of Grease cranked out incessantly.

Even as a kid I knew better than to believe life actually resembled how it was depicted in Grease. Anyone who’s gone to high school knows, that compared to the film Grease, high school could be a nightmarish, bleak, and horrible place. To my surprise, I graduated high school without engaging in one group hand jive, without ever having been stranded at the drive in, and my old 4-cylinder ‘87 Chrysler LeBaron didn’t, by any means, drive like “Greased lightning.” Life’s never as “peachy keen” as it is in the movies or on stage for that matter. I never thought for a second that the explicit, raunchy rock scene that was my obsession would ever be “Grease-ified.” Grease was originally a stage musical and just as it pulled from late ‘50s high school nostalgia, Rock of Ages embodies the excess and broken dreams on the ‘80s Sunset Strip. I was petrified that the attempt of glamorizing my beloved hairband era would be catastrophic. Would the play condescend and poke fun at the age of lipstick, plastic, and paint? Could Grease’s cigarettes, cheerleaders, and black leather biker jackets be interchangeable with the ‘80s themes of drug abuse, aquanet, spandex? I would soon find out!

After I took my seat, I immediately basked in the authentic set design by Beowulf Boritt, who also worked on The Toxic Avenger Musical. The stage was created to look like the interior of the fictitious Bourbon Room, which is reminiscent of the Whiskey or the Rainbow in L.A. The walls of the theater were plastered with concert posters while billboards hung from high above. A Jack Daniels advertisement asks “I did what with my sister?” and another one points out, in case you haven’t heard, Arsenal’s new CD “I Want Your Cans” is in stores now.

Pink lights drenched the inside of the Bourbon room. Rock memorabilia adorned the walls. There was a Pink flying V, collages of rock stars, and framed pinups of Motley Crue, Guns and Roses, and Poison among others. The main focal point of the Bourbon Room was it’s small stage where a lot of bands began their rock dreams. (Stone Pony anyone?) Onstage there was a dingy bathroom that served as the butt of a few jokes, and center stage featured a revolving room that provided background for various scenes. Oh yeah, I know you’ll like this part…there was a stripper poll on each end of the stage. I know what you’re thinking, and the answer is YES! Did they get used? What kind of a question is that? A good question actually, because now’s a good time for me to mention that when I’m reincarnated in my next life, I’ve signed a definitive, definitely happening, contractually binding, legal document that professionally and law abidingly states that I will come back as one of the two brass stripper polls on the Rock of Ages stage. Triple Stamped. For the honor of Grayskull. And that’s the bottom line cause I just said so!

Right about now a message over the P.A system states there should be NO flash photography unless you’re willing to show your boobs! YEAH BABY! I won’t spoil too much for you, since the Rock of Ages marketing team utilized the “less is more” idea and it worked. All online and print ads tout the play’s great tunes. It seemed as if name dropping the bands was enough since the house was PACKED! The vague propaganda turned out to make the play an unexpected blast.

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At the crux of the play there’s a love story between Drew (Constantine Maroulis) and Sherrie (Kelli Barrett). It’s the typical story of a couple of ‘80s L.A dream chasers who fall for each other. Boy works at a bar and hopes to make it big as a rock star. When boy gets noticed by a talent manager, he suggests that boy change his whole look and go on a “mall tour.” Girl dreams of being an actress but plans fizzle out and works as a waitress, then climbs ranks to become a stripper. Even though the story is simple and reminiscent of others you may have heard before, I dig the message of the play. Even if you don’t get exactly what you want on your quest, it doesn’t mean your dreams are necessarily broken, you may just find that you have better dreams.

When we’re off cloud 9 with the two lovebirds, the city government is attempting to clean up the Sunset Strip and make it more family friendly. One of the establishments that would be effected is the Bourbon Room, so it’s manager Dennis, (the skilled Adam Dannheisser) does his best to stop this insanity. Like the good natured hippie he is, he doesn’t want his bar to close or his staff to be out of jobs. Dennis comes up with the idea to call in a favor from Stacee Jaxx, a Steel Pantheresque lead singer of a wildly popular band called Arsenal. (CD just dropped) I laughed deliriously at Will Swenson’s flashy performance which reminds us of how pompous, arrogant, and egotistical many of the great ’80s hair band frontmen were. Other superior performances include the refreshing Kelli Barrett as Sherrie, the over the top hysterical Mitchell Jarvis as Lonny the narrator, and Wesley Taylor as the gay German (ok so he’s not gay just German.)

The ensemble cast featured some hot dancers who weren’t afraid to show some butt cheeks and rock skimpy lingerie. Don’t be a prude, that’s how it was in the ‘80s! The ‘80s hair band era was instrumental in providing me with a template of the ideal woman. White leather jacket, short skirt, crimped hair, high heel boots, and stockings, don’t you remember? Duh. Rock of Ages featured an immensely talented actress, dancer, and singer Angel Reed. I definitely had a crush on her like a little kid watching Dial MTV during the hair band days and seeing that girl with the white leather jacket on. Or maybe it was Club MTV, it escapes me. Either way, she was hot, and she has her own exotic dance DVD that all you women should pick up and let her teach you how to dance for your man. While you’re at it check out all of Angel’s other projects like her music and modeling gallery! You really need to experience Rock of Ages just to watch some of Angel’s moves with the aforementioned poll that I will become in my next life. Yay! I never thought I’d say it, but I can’t wait to die!

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Jay and Angel Reed

I didn’t go into the play with too many expectations since I managed to avoid reading reviews of the show. Although I could imagine what’s being said, since for the past several years it seems like shitting on ‘80s bands is the trendy thing to do. But now is the time that the up and coming bands are citing bands like Guns, Motley, and Poison as major influences. (rightfully so!) It’s time that this era got some credit! If it becomes known for anything, Rock of Ages, pays tribute to the ‘80s rock era in a monumental way. The classic songs that help the play rumble on become even more transcendent. (u shut up now)

Bo Bice sucks and Constantine should’ve been runner up on Idol in ’05. Some of the notes he hit in Rock of Ages almost exploded the Bourbon Room, which would’ve sucked cause he was trying to help save it! His mastery of this style of rock truly wins the audience’s approval as his character Drew shows off his rock chops.

In Rock of Ages some of the songs you hear are taken right from the hair band era, while others are simply pop rock, but all of them work into the show’s plot. Songs from the following artists are featured in the play: Asia, Bon Jovi, David Lee Roth, Poison, Extreme, Mr. Big, Night Ranger, Quiet Riot, Twisted Sister, Warrant, Whitesnake, Foreigner, Journey, REO Speedwagon, Styx, Steve Perry, Pat Benatar, Quarterflash, and even Survivor!

Even though the music gives the show its gusto, it’s actually responsible for my only complaint. The musical is made up of storm trooping assembly of songs that only a late night CD box set infomercial with Bret Michaels could envy. The massive list of songs are finely weaved into the plot like the hairs on Bret Michaels head. Some of my favorite rock classics are featured in the show, so what’s the problem here, Jay? Some of the songs seem to be overused. I heard enough of Warrant’s “Heaven” when I sang along with it daily back in ’89. (By the way people get with the program! Jani Lane is OUT of Warrant again! That news didn’t interrupt your local affiliates broadcast of the last presidential debate? That’s weird because on my TV Riki Rachtman broke in just before McCain said “Joe the Plumber” for the 68th time and broke the news) Twisted Sister’s “I Wanna Rock,” and a few others seemed to be utilized several times at points when an original riff would feel more natural. Rock of Ages might benefit from sprinkling in a few original tunes in between the massively popular ones. How about an original Arsenel song? Arsenal, for those who don’t know, are the ‘80s rock band that is asked (blackmailed) to play at the Bourbon room to save the bar. (CD in stores now)

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I’m a sucker for a T-Shirt, especially those emblazoned with a logo for a fictitious band. If the band happened to be from Jersey then I might just spontaneously combust. Whenever I go to a show or concert I look for that specific T-shirt that jumps out at me literally, and seduces me with a one liner like: “I wanna be on you…” After the show I strolled by the schwag station and almost yelped like a fat girl who can’t keep a secret and got a hand over her mouth. I then blacked out for a moment and came to. In my hands was a sparkling, magical, authentic ARSENAL concert T-shirt. Of course, the logo rips off Anthrax and Metallica but c’mon, what do you expect from a fictitious band! It was brought to my attention that if I looked at the back of the shirt, all the stops listed for their Cocked and Loaded tour are in New Jersey towns!

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How RAD is that? And I don’t mean that in the Rock Against Drugs type of way. (That line I just ripped off was courtesy of Drew, Constantine’s character) Is Arsenal supposed to be from New Jersey? Perhaps that’s why Stacee Jaxx, while adorned in white spandex, unleashes a perverted, priceless rendition of Bon Jovi’s “Wanted Dead or Alive”? I’ll take it!

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After you check out Rock of Ages, you’ll be thanking me. You too will come to appreciate the many facets of “Rusty Trombonering,” Warrant’s “Heaven,” and the atmospheric appeal of the Fogmaster 5000. Your arms will be super strong after holding up that keychain flashlight in place of a lighter during ballads. Oh, and you’ll also be thanking me because you scored points with your girlfriend. Theater tickets are a better gift idea than the run of the mill stuff, so buy her a pair of tickets for the holidays! For you ladies out there, your boyfriend will be elated that he can bring beers and adult beverages into the theater. That satisfies the alcohol lovers and those yearning for a true ‘80s sunset strip vibe.

Writer Chris D’Arienzo, Director Kristin Hanggi, and Choreogrpaher Kelly Devine are responsible for making Rock of Ages a play that feels like the kind of movie you watch a million times and remember all the dialouge. Keep in mind that you can only own a DVD for several generations, Rock of Ages the musical is off-Broadway NOW, so don’t miss out! Oh and some advice from Lonny the narrator: before you head to the show, if you’d like to make your experience more authentic you may want to set yourself up with an eight ball of crystal meth and get a sixer of Diet Shasta. Dude, it’s amazing.

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Jay and Adam Dannheisser “Dennis”
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Jay and Mitchell Jarvis

NAME THE SEXY ARMPIT GIRL CONTEST!!!

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The Sexy Armpit’s MONSTROUS HALLOWEEN PRIZE PACK is now up for grabs!!!

This is all you have to do:
1) Help me come up with a NAME for the hot chick on the top left of this screen, you know, the one wearing The Sexy Armpit T-Shirt, the one leaning up against a Turnpike sign covered in sludge, YES that one! I need to come with a name for her. It could be anything from Anastasia to Suzie, or from Margath to Mercedes. If you’re the winner, I can’t say that I will definitely wind up using the name you submit, but it will definitely help narrow my choices! The sexier and skankier, the better!! Remember, this is the type of girl you want to receive a lapdance from. That is…after she cleans off all that Jersey gunk. Or she can keep it on if that’s your bag. I don’t want to read any names like Mary, Kate, or Ashley. Try to give me some that even my outlandish mind wouldn’t think of! If you feel like throwing in some that will make me chuckle, feel free! Have some fun with it! REMEMBER, she’s a Jersey Girl!
2) E-mail your choice/choices to sexyarmpit@comcast.net
3) One winner will be selected and they’ll take home THE SEXY ARMPIT’S MONSTROUS HALLOWEEN PRIZE PACK!!! 
The prize pack consists of:
A Very Limited Edition Sexy Armpit T-Shirt!!! Very few were printed up since I literally had to take out a second mortgage just to pay for them.
TWO (count ’em 2!) FREE PASSES to MONSTER MINI GOLF! The folks at Monster Golf were nice enough to send over some giveaways after they saw my review and You Tube montage that I made! Monster Mini Golf is an indoor glow in the dark 18-hole mini golf course with locations all over the country. The passes are good at all locations.
Jack O’Lantern DVD – The worst movie of all time. Perfect watch with your friends while you’re drinking. DVD is brand new, bought specifically for this contest so some unsuspecting soul could be dragged into the depths of MOVIE HELL just like I was when I watched this piece of crap.

Welcome to The Sexy Armpit’s Halloween Hang Out

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Starting this week:

1) The Sexy Armpit Halloween Countdown beginning with our review of New York City’s Blood Manor!

2) We’ll also have yet another Sexy Armpit Contest going on! This one will be going on all month long. More info within the next few days.

3) The He-Man Battle Armor T-Shirt contest is still going on! The deadline will be announced soon, most likely in the beginning of November. Enter by clicking the “CLICK HERE” link on the right side of the page.

4) Voting for The Sexy Armpit reader survey is going on now! Please take a minute to tell us what you’d like to see more of if you haven’t already voted.

As always, thank you for visiting The Sexy Armpit and in case you missed them here’s a few posts from last year’s Halloween Countdown!

Halloween 1981

Movie Review: Don’t Go To Sleep

Mike Spade’s Haunted House

Trick or Treating with Mr. Mom

Haunted Hayride of Terror

Skull Shot Glasses

Rob Zombie’s Hellbilly Halloween!

and reaching further back is a Sexy Armpit Classic:

15 Things that Scared the Shit out of Me as a Kid

Battle Armor He-Man T-Shirt Contest!

I’ve always heard rumors that the transformation of Prince Adam into He-Man not only made him the most powerful man in the universe but also had a Viagra-like effect on his wang. While I’m not about to do a field study on this one, I can try to put myself in his position to properly understand the nature of the Beastman. We at The Sexy Armpit can’t be sure what team Prince Adam would actually be playing for considering his lavender tights, felt maroon vest, and cute little fuchsia power sword. All that aside, let’s give Adam the benefit of the doubt and assume he’s a little flamboyant, but straight nonetheless ala Paul Stanley.

Have you ever neglected some important work and found yourself wondering how He-Man resisted hot bitches like Teela, Evil-Lynn, and She-Ra…oh wait…that was his sister! So what, Luke and Leia had no idea they were brother and sister and everyone thought they were gonna,“do it…eww!”

It’s time for a kick-ass contest here on The Sexy Armpit.com! You can win the above pictured, custom made “Battle Damaged” He-Man Ringer T-Shirt by answering the following 2 questions as creatively as possible:

1) If you were He-Man what Eternian/Etherian girl would want to bang and why. **This can include anyone from Queen Marlena (but you’re my mo—) to Frosta

2) What would you (as He-Man) do for your first date with her? I love being Chuck Woolery, he’s an idol of mine.

SEND ANSWERS and YOUR ADDRESS TO SEXYARMPIT@COMCAST.NET
Your information will be kept strictly confidential, although if your answers are good they’ll be featured in a future post!

Remember Armpiters, the Best, Funniest, and Most Original answer will win the custom made Battle Damage He-Man Ringer Tee!

For more in the world of Masters of the Universe, check out the awesome new blog Geek Orthodox. Reis is putting himself through the arduous labor of scanning all the old He-Man and the Masters of the Universe Mini-Comics for all of us to enjoy. Head over there and do some friggin’ enjoying.

The Sexy Armpit’s Guide to Becoming an Official Ghostbuster

Rumors have been swirling about another Ghostbusters film and I think it’s safe to say that the majority of us welcome the new film but have to see it to believe it. Aside from the possible new installment, we as Ghostbusters fans have a lot to look forward to. Not only is there an upcoming Ghostbusters video game, but there’s also the forthcoming DVD release of the entire run of The Real Ghostbusters animated series! In order to properly prepare yourself for all this bustin’ you’ll be engaged in, you’ll need to be put through proper training.

STEP 1: Head over to Shawn Robare’s Branded in the ’80s where last year he posted an excellent scan of The Official Ghostbusters Training Manual. I ordered this from the Troll book club back when I was in elementary school. The anticipation to get this book from the time I ordered it to the time I got it was unbearable. I still have the book in great condition but since Shawn’s entry and scans were masterfully done, there was no need for me to scan in mine as well. If you’re not already an official Ghostbuster than I recommend you go through the training. If you make it through successfully than you will receive a Certificate of Achievement stating that you are now an official Ghostbuster.

STEP 2: You got the talent, so you now need the tools! Go into your messy closet and dig out your old proton pack, PKE meter, and Ghost Trap. If you don’t have yours anymore, prepare to spend upwards of $100 at least for Kenner’s classic RGB toy on eBay. Another possibility is finding an actual replica of the pack on eBay like the one pictured to the left. Shipping on the item is $125, so you may be better off fashioning a proton pack of your own. You can consult Squidoo for an entry all about homemade proton packs!

STEP:3 You can’t catch ghosts in your Mumm-Ra t-shirt. Get your Ghostbusters His and Hers jumpsuits! Or if you’ve used the LAST of the petty cash on some magnificent feast, then go here to get a Ghostbusters uniform T-Shirt. This is reminiscent of the ever popular “tuxedo t-shirt” that we joke about but secretly would love to wear to an upscale gathering.

STEP 4: Make your Official Ghostbusters ID card. I actually still have my original Ghostbusters ID Card that came with the proton pack. I scanned in the card and deleted my name and old address which was scrawled by a 5 or 6 year old ME! It’s ready to be filled out and flashed at spooked hotel owners everywhere. All you need to do is print it, fill it out, fold it in the middle, and if you’re feeling saucy you might even want to laminate that sumbitch!


For a more professional look, head over to GBfans.com. They feature a promotion called “Create a Custom Ghostbusters ID Badge.” Their ID’s look very professional and I’m sure your card will grant you access into the firehouse with no problem. Access to the protection grid is another story!

Congratulations! Now all you need to do is wait for the call! Or hang out under Janine Melnitz’s desk!

Miss Sexy Armpit 2008

The Sexy Armpit T-Shirt Contest Official Rules: Miss Sexy Armpit 2008

The winner’s picture will be featured on the site logo at The Sexy Armpit.com. The winner will be the prestigious, first ever Miss Sexy Armpit! The winner will also receive a $50 gift card to Ticketmaster. I’m pretty sure that the card will be used to purchase tickets to the NKOTB reunion tour. Don’t even lie.

1) Yes I know I’m being sexist…GIRLS ONLY! Why? Because who the fuck wants to look at guys especially those wearing a black t-shirt? You can go to any Hot Topic to see that. Girls are just nicer to look at. TAKE THAT all you debonair male models.

2) Must be sexy! Don’t worry about some nipple slippage…we’ll edit it out or you can cover them with your hands. BTW, pants are not required but thongs, g-strings, and any type of lingerie are always effective. Although, if you decide to wear underwear in the pictures, don’t even think of wearing granny panties or no one will vote for you.

3) What’s encouraged? Creativity! Be creative while trying to remain as close to the concept of the girl in the website artwork as possible. Maybe you want to be punked out or look rock n’ roll like a Suicide Girl…It’s up to you! The point is to get the feel of the name of the site. The whole idea that “NJ is disgusting and filled with sewage but still sexy.” You can take your photo by a NJ turnpike sign on the road thumbing for a ride. Perhaps you can prove that Jersey isn’t as trashy as people think it is? Or maybe being trashy is sexy? Points for originality. There’s attractive backgrounds all over New Jersey if you choose to take your picture outside. There’s landfills, highways, fuel refineries, dumpsters, garbage cans etc. You might want to take the picture in a bathtub filled with green slime. You have the freedom to be serious, or tongue in cheek. PHOTOS ARE ALLOWED TO BE MANIPULATED AND MODIFIED in programs like Photoshop. Feel free to add stuff to your photo or make it black and white.

4) Keep in mind you DON’T have to WEAR the shirt. If you want to use it in other ways that is fine too. Draping it over select body parts also may score you some votes. You can tie the shirt in front like you’re a really feminine male or you can go totally ’80s style with a half tee. I was asked if you can rip or cut the shirt, and if you feel like ripping out my heart then by all means you can do it, but if you’re going to deface the shirt I’d prefer if you bedazzle it. But then again, if you’re soo voluptuous that you’re boobs rip the shirt open by themselves then it’s no fault of your own. In fact, God Bless. Cut carefully though, we only have a limited supply of shirts.

5) You’re allowed to send in up to 5 photo entries per person. The best 2 will make the competition. All photos sent may not make the competition but the ones that are chosen will be published on the Internet for visitors to vote on and become property of The Sexy Armpit.com. If you are not comfortable with this then please do not enter.

6) If you cannot get pictures taken or if you feel that you won’t be able to for some reason then we’ll arrange for our professional photographer to take them at The Sexy Armpit Headquarters.

7) If you’re DIY, then send us your address in order for us to send you the shirt. After you take your photos please send all entries to sexyarmpit@comcast.net

  • the name/nickname you want to enter as & what size shirt
  • the town you were born and raised, and a sentence or two bio of what you’re about and what you like to do. You can include bands you like, links to your website, etc. Provide some interesting attention grabbing facts about yourself.
  • up to 5 photos, in .jpg, .bmp, .png, etc. (Please keep pictures original size)

8) The contestant with the MOST votes after the voting is over will be the winner.

HOW DO I WIN?

Tell everyone you know to vote. You’ll be notified where you can view the contestants pictures and how you can vote. Tell everyone on MySpace or Facebook. VOTE! You don’t have to sing for this competition, you just have to look good.

WHAT HAPPENS IF I WIN?

The prize police will knock down your door…eh…no they won’t. We’ll let you know if you win. You’ll become the first ever Miss Sexy Armpit and take home a fine gift card for Ticketmaster.

You Want It, But You Don’t NEED It!

I’m being a real slacker lately so I’ve put together a post that will highlight some cool shit that I’ve found while clicking around the Internet. I’m sure you’ve heard of some of these, while others maybe not. There will be more posts on the way from The Sexy Armpit.com, and the very first, limited edition, SEXY ARMPIT T-Shirts are COMING SOON!

For years I have been trying to invent a robot that wheeled itself around asking “Do you want ketchup on that” And if you said yes then it’s crazy robot hands would flip up and start squirting ketchup at you…or if you’re lucky…on your fries or burger. Once I figured out that I had no skills in science in any way I put that idea to rest, probably for the better. It was just a chance discovery to find this item, it’s no robot, but at least it attempts to bring condiments up to the FUN level that they should always be at. Introducing: THE CONDIMENT GUN!

The price of this collectible has jettisoned through the entire space time continuum and came BACK and it’s still ridiculously expensive. Even cowboy hats and Mary Steenburgen couldn’t make this baby affordable. Great Scott! It’s your very own Flux Capacitor!

If you ever aspired to be Jack Burton from Big Trouble in Little China, like I did after I saw the movie when I was a kid then you need the shirt he wore in the film. Found Item Clothing has one of the best replicas of the shirt I’ve seen yet.

When I was a young Masters of the Universe freak, I was never too happy wielding a half a toy power sword while I forced my dad to carry the other half which belonged to Skeletor. It was a great gimmick to put the two halves together but one side was silver and the other was florescent yellow. I always hoped to get a power sword of my own, I even contemplated getting one tattooed on me but I figured I’d get a huge RED “G” (for geek) burned into my arm by the townspeople. That brings us to just a few years ago when the new Masters of the Universe cartoon came on Cartoon Network. The resurgence of the He-Man toy line and collectibles soared, (or ZOARED! lol) but the power sword changed and got all mechanical on us. I couldn’t stand the look of it since it was pretty far from the sleek and simple design of the original sword. To my dismay, Kingdom of Swords carried the replica of the new complicated power sword, but they also carry THE LIGHT UP SWORD OF OMENS from THUNDERCATS! This is CRAZY COOL, PEOPLE! I don’t think you understand the magnitude….just click the link and you will!

I heard about this next link on Attack of the Show. Just in case you missed it, I’ll repeat it here: GH Skinz is a skins site for your Guitar Hero guitar and drum kits. These skins will spruce up your guitar if you already haven’t plastered stickers and other foreign objects all over it already.

If you’re imaginary intergalactic adventures aren’t quite up to par lately, why don’t you buck up some dataries (try almost 6,000) and splurge on your very own life size protocol and astromech droids? Fuck yeah!

This last one is purely for those who enjoy a constant state of regression, like I do. When you grow frustrated with your life, job, wife, etc. Make a SNO-CONE from the Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine! I had one when I was a little kid and I remember making the Sno-Cones with my mom and sister and they never lived up to the hype that you got watching the ads for it. I think the process was more fun, and the anticipation of how good I thought it was going to be. Ahh, what the hell, let’s get one for the condo!

The Goonies Treasures Discovered

In the past 20 some odd years it’s been tough being a Goonies fan. We waited such an insanely long time after DVDs became mainstream to even get The Goonies on DVD. ’80s classics like The Gremlins had an early release when DVD’s first got popular, but Goonies fans had to continually watch our beat up VHS copies. There’s also been constant teasing from the media for several years that a Goonies sequel has been in the works but it never seems to go anywhere.

Things started to look up a few years ago when The Goonies was finally given a nice treatment on DVD. About 6 years ago I started to notice an influx of Goonies merch like T-shirts, lunch boxes, and a whole lot of junk that could most likely be purchased at your local Hot Topic. I didn’t care what it was, or where I could get this stuff, I was just happy to see that my favorite movie of all time was finally getting some play. Even growing up there wasn’t much fervor for the Goonies and I didn’t see why. At the time, everyone close to my age loved watching the Goonies. I remember my mother bringing me to see it and I thought it was the most awesome movie ever and it reminded me of how it was hanging out with my friends at the time.

Just when there finally seems to be a big demand for Goonies stuff, I’m really losing my touch trying to keep tabs on all of these cool collectibles. If it weren’t for the Internet I would miss out on alot of crap. I try to keep up on the collectible landscape but the new Goonies action figures seemed to have slipped by me. I went to a website that said they’ve been out since August, so I immediately bought the entire 5 figure set. These figures are unbelievable. The accessories! Chunk has his milkshake (cause it brings all the boys to the yard), Mouth has his comb, and Mikey comes with an alternate hand so he can suck on his inhaler. Freakin’ amazing! While purchasing the figures, I noticed another entry for the “Copper Bone” contraption that Mikey used to activate the huge boulder trap. I couldn’t believe that a replica of this existed and how cool it looked. It’s a limited edition made by Mezco Toys and it was a Comic Con exclusive. When it came in the mail, I was overwhelmed at it’s authenticity and beautiful packaging.

Just this morning while doing a Goonie Google search, I found another great Goonies related treasure. How could I have missed this one? Did you happen to see it? Apparently Jeep is celebrating 20 years of their involvement in the Goonies film and they have a video game Goonies: Return to Astoria on their site. The game is downright horrible to play but there’s new artwork and a trailer to check out.

It’s fantastic that all this Goonies nostalgia’s happening, so hopefully it’ll make way for a sequel. I’m sure the pirate nostalgia caused by the popularity of the Pirates of the Carribean films helped out a bit. ’80s nostalgia in general is big too, and it only means dollar signs so why not keep it rolling? One of the best parts of being a Goonies collector is that there aren’t too many things to actually get. I’m happy with my Goonies posters, Goonies Burger King glasses, and movie magazines, although I am even more excited that there will be more to come.