A Septic Spiel of Spooky Scares, Super Heroes, and Strange Stories from Miles Beneath the Crud of New Jersey!
While driving home from The Field of Terror in East Windsor, NJ, Miss Sexy Armpit noticed a massive Halloween display on someone’s front lawn. We pulled the car over in awe and then I snapped some photos. If you’d like to take a ride there and check out their awesome display, head into Hightstown NJ and get onto South Main Street and the house address is in the 500s.
Can you imagine that much of the younger generation knows Susan Sarandon from SNL’s “Mother Lover” sketch? I wonder if those same kids would be surprised that she was also quite a hot little number back in her day. Back in her day started about 40 years ago in 1970’s Joe, her first film role. Since then, out of the long list of movies Susan Sarandon has starred in, her performance as the innocent, yet sexy Janet Weiss in 1975’s The Rocky Horror Picture Show is still one of her most memorable.
Casting Sarandon in “Mother Lover” was fitting, since she definitely is a MILF. Are MILF’s allowed to be named Garden State Playmates, you ask? Of course they are! I also chose Susan Saradon to be October’s GSP because even though she was born in New York, she grew up in Edison, NJ and graduated from Edison High School.
Sarandon has had many standout performances and coincidentally, one of her most notable is actually linked with New Jersey. Her role in 1980’s Atlantic City gained her an Academy Award nomination for Best Actress. Sarandon’s film choice is not always predictable or safe which is apparent when scanning her filmography. She’s starred in films such as The Hunger, The Witches of Eastwick, and Thelma and Louise. In the pop culture department, Sarandon starred as Queen Narissa, a badass witch in Disney’s Enchanted, as well as The Simpsons, the live action Speed Racer, and as a guest on Sesame Street.
As you can see, Susan Sarandon certainly has had an impressive career thus far, but she’s most notorious for her knockers, and you can admit it, we’re amongst friends here, you know you want to touch-a, touch-a, touch-a, touch them! So, here’s to you Susan Sarandon! Who the hell needs a lifetime achievement award when you have the honor of being October’s Garden State Playmate?!?!
People are dead serious about zombies. All over the country zombie walks will take place on Halloween weekend, and you will be in danger unless you take the proper precautions. It may be wise to order yourself, your significant other, and your kids some protective tees which will make it clear to the zombies that you are NOT breakfast, but merely horrendous tasting innocent bystanders. The survival tee was cool last year, but this year there are 2 versions! The first is for men (or women who like to wear men’s t-shirts) and shows a male zombie ripping through a Garden State Parkway sign, and the second is a babydoll tee for women that features a female zombie tearing through a New Jersey Turnpike sign.
The last t-shirt is splattered with an exclusive bloodied New Jersey ZOMBIE license plate which is available with a $25 dollar donation. There’s a lot more to look at and purchase, so visit the official New Jersey Zombie Walk website where you can get all the info you need to join in the walk and get other awesome NJ Zombie merch. If you can swing it, try to make a donation because proceeds will go toward offsetting the cost of putting on the event. Their website explains that there are rental, permit, and insurance fees, so shell out the cash muthatruckas! The 3rd annual NJ Zombie Walk kicks off at Asbury Park Convention Hall on the afternoon of October 30th!
There is more to come in this last week of our Countdown to Halloween, but first, I ask that you head over to STRANGE KIDS CLUB and check out my latest guest post which pits the film Ghost Chase against it’s twisted older step brother, Making Contact. When you’re done reading, Rondal has a poll where you can weigh in on which one you like better!
Not in the Halloween spirit yet? Well, you don’t have much time left, but a good old fashioned Haunted Hayride through some spooky woods will definitely do the trick. The Field of Terror in East Windsor, NJ is New Jersey’s largest corn maze/haunted hayride event. We took a Sexy Armpit excursion there last weekend and had a great time. It was a perfect night, the air was crisp, the moon was bright, and we even ran into The New Jersey Ghostbusters!
Every year Asbury Lanes and Paranormal Books present an over the top Halloween party and it’s always the place to be. If you still have not made your Halloween plans, then click over to ticketweb and order your tickets! Tragedy performs their signature metalized versions of The Bee Gees hits! The Sexy Armpit will be there, in costume of course. What costume will I be wearing? Not telling!
Halloween isn’t even here yet and I’m already preemptively sick of all the people dressing up as characters from MTV’s Jersey Shore. I can see the groups now, entering costume contests, lifting their shirts up to show their abs, comparing their poufs, and just being plain obnoxious. I live in Jersey so I don’t need to run into artificial guidos when there’s already enough real ones around as it is. Hopefully people thinking of buying these Jersey Shore costumes will think twice before making the purchase. Just a word of advice if you are actually thinking of going through with it, don’t you think there’s going to be a shitload of other people going as the same thing? Seriously people, this is Halloween not a Snook-a-like contest.
2009’s Stan Helsing should have taken the small world of horror-comedies by storm. Maybe somewhere down the line it will become a cult classic when it gets replayed on every cable channel 600 times during October. Even though it’s from the mind of Bo Zenga, the man who produced Scary Movie, I thought Stan Helsing was funnier and a helluva lot more entertaining than any of the Scary Movie installments, and that’s coming from a big Ana Faris fan. Zenga wrote, directed and appeared in the film as well. Stan Helsing is streaming on Netflix and you can find it dirt cheap on Amazon.
The cast includes Steve Howey as the video store clerk, Stan Helsing, the two smoking hot lead actresses Diora Baird and Desi Lydic, Kenan Thompson from SNL, and a hilarious cameo by Leslie Nielsen. The film takes place on Halloween night and it also features parodies of Freddy, Jason, Mike Myers, Pinhead, Leatherface, and Chucky. Not only will you laugh at some of your favorite horror icons, but you’ll also get to go on scavenger hunt for all the New Jersey references. Why this movie has so many Jersey references is a mystery because it’s never really mentioned outright that they are in New Jersey. The movie was filmed entirely in Canada and Los Angeles. It’s quite apparent that Zenga wanted us to know that this film was set in New Jersaaay! If you can find more clues please go ahead and leave a comment!
*His family moved from Boston to New Jersey, and he’s gone from E-Street to The Soprano’s: The soundtrack features a song written by Steven Van Zandt and recorded by Glen Phillips called “I Don’t Want to Go Home.”
*UPDATE* 10/25/10 On the commentary on the bluray, Bo Zenga mentions that he is a “Jersey boy” even though most profiles available on Zenga do not mention where he was born or grew up.
It struck me as odd to see a Bon Jovi Halloween T-shirt being advertised at their official web store. A band like KISS can never be questioned for having a Halloween shirt because their whole persona is built on their macabre costumes, especially Gene Simmons. You won’t go to a Halloween party this year without seeing at least one person or an entire group dressed as KISS. Yet, even if you see a group of guys dressed up as Bon Jovi, they will easily be mistaken for “any ’80s hairband,” unless they’re the minority who decide on the “early ’90s Bon Jovi, after they all cut their hair.”
All of this leads me to wonder about this bizarre Bon Jovi/Halloween correlation they are touting on this cool Jack-O-Lantern T-Shirt which goes for an astounding $29.99! While you’re scrounging up the cash to pay for it, take a look at the Top 5 Scariest Things about Bon Jovi:
5. Sure he’s a talented songwriter but David Bryan’s hair is insanely ludicrous. Listen buddy, it’s time to go to whatever store in France that Bret Michaels did. Shit, even Gene Simmons hair, which looks like licorice flavored cotton candy, is better than that preposterous crown of curls. Dear Dave: this isn’t 18th century Europe!
4. Jon Bon Jovi’s veneers. Those are some humongous white chompers! His childhood dream of becoming the next Dr.Teeth and the Eletric Mayhem band is one step closer to realization, except for the good rocking music of course.
3. Jon Bon Jovi’s acting. If you ever need to kill any vampires, call Jon Bon Jovi: Freelance Vampire Slayer. He eradicates vampires with the power of his jazz hands.
2. Jon Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora are Italians from Jersey. (Just in case you were wondering what happened to Alec John Such.)
1. What’s truly the scariest thing about Bon Jovi is that somehow people are buying their newer music. Every time I’m finished doing my business on the toilet, I look down at the water flushing into the black hole, and all I think of is “The Circle,” Bon Jovi’s latest atrocious album. If you happen to be rich and really cool and you decide to give out those ancient relics known as CD’s instead of candy for Halloween this year – don’t bother giving out any copies of Bon Jovi’s “The Circle.” Kids might throw it back at you.
Over the weekend I noticed an awesome tweet from our friend Laryssa of the Comma ‘n Sentence blog. She and her brother combined forces to carve the world’s coolest New Jersey Jack O’Lantern! Laryssa was nice enough to let me post some of the pictures she took during the creation of this badass pumpkin. Laryssa also offered us some insight as to what inspired her to cut The Garden State into her pumpkin:
“My brother and I are kind of obsessed with New Jersey. He attends school in Maryland, but he was home this past weekend for Fall Break. Making a New Jersey pumpkin was our way of celebrating how excited he was to be home. We thought about carving cartoon characters, even the typical Jack O’Lantern face. But this is more personal.”
A big thanks to Laryssa Wirstiuk and her brother! Remember to stop by her blog as well!
This Ghostbusters Ectoplasm energy drink jumped out at me from a small refrigerator in Spencer’s in the mall, very much like the terror dog did to Dana Barrett in the movie Ghostbusters. When I got home, I only took a couple of sips of the Ectoplasm and was not really impressed by it’s taste. The green color wasn’t as neon as a I thought it would be, and it didn’t glow in the dark, which was sort of a let down, but probably better for my insides. No ghosts flew out of the can after I cracked it open either. That’s probably a good thing also because I sold my Kenner proton pack and trap a long time ago. I couldn’t pinpoint the smell of the drink, but it was basically a Monster/Red Bull hybrid. It had a sour citrus/melon flavor and left a very syrupy texture in my mouth. The drink was filled with sodium, sugar, and of course, caffeine. Let’s face it, this drink has nothing on Hi-C Ecto-Cooler!
The reason why I mentioned that I only took a couple of sips of it is because I’ve recently kicked my caffeine addiction. Not sure if it was an actual addiction or if I am just being melodramatic, but regardless, I think it was a good move. I was constantly relying on energy drinks like Monster and Red Bull because I constantly felt tired. It made me start thinking that they were actually the reason why I was always tired. WRONG!!! The reason I’m always tired is because of this here blog. I stay up way too late working on posts. editing videos, and cropping pictures when I really should be sleeping. Here’s the indication that you’re staying up too late: You’re sitting at your computer desk but your eyes are shut and you’re completely incapacitated, only to wake up and realize you’re taking screen caps of some stupid movie that mentions New Jersey once. So I not only lack sleep, but a life as well.
Pounding these caffeinated concoctions sure made me alert and amped up, but not without side effects. My heart rate began to skyrocket in simple situations like walking up stairs. I also felt crappy and lethargic constantly. I knew this was from the energy drinks because I run all the time and go to the gym often and consider myself to be in good shape. Within the last month or so I curbed my caffeine intake altogether just to see if the enticing cans were the culprit. Sure enough my heart rate does not surge when I go up stairs and I don’t feel as jittery as I did when I was relying on these beverages. I still feel just as tired though, and every time I go to grab something with caffeine I get decaf because it’s obvious that I don’t need it and that the real problem is my lack of sleep. I tend to get an average of 5 or 6 hours of sleep per night which is not enough for me. I need more like 7 or 8 and I’ll probably still be tired! Have you tried this Ectoplasm yet? Do you think you’re addicted to caffeine too? Let me know, Love, The Sleepy Armpit.
