Worst Drivers in America: NJ Takes 2nd Place!

new jersey,driving,turnpike

It was to be expected. New Jersey strives to make the top 5 of lists like this year after year. Coming in 2nd place in GMAC’s Worst Drivers in America report, is a loss in our eyes. We didn’t invent road rage to be in a crappy 2nd place.

Why do cable networks continue to create shows based in NJ about salons and guidos when they so should be creating a quality program about what Jersey people are clearly superior at, being shitty drivers! NJ came in 2nd behind New York on GMAC’s report, one that doesn’t exactly measure how many accidents or violations we’ve had, but merely a survey of driving knowledge. The website WalletPop cites from the study that “nearly 1 in 5 licensed drivers — roughly 38 million Americans — would not pass a written drivers test exam if taken today.” So, before the rest of you go getting all braggadocios, it’s not just us Tri-State area folks who are complete maniacs on the road!

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 51: Bon Jovi Hard Rock Signature Series

hard rock,bon jovi,t-shirt,new jersey,atlantic city

It’s fitting that after Bruce Springsteen and The E-Street Band closed Giants Stadium, tomorrow night Bon Jovi will open up The New Meadowlands Stadium in East Rutherford, NJ. Throughout the shiny new facility I’m sure there will be vendors galore selling swag, thongs, cds, hats, bumper stickers, and whatever else they can slap a Bon Jovi logo on, especially T-Shirts.

Recently on a trip down to Atlantic City, I stopped into the Hard Rock Cafe because I read about the exclusive Bon Jovi t-shirt only available at Hard Rock Shops. It’s the 26th edition in a line of Signature tees that Hard Rock began in 1990. The girl behind the counter showed my girlfriend and I the shirt, but it wasn’t impressive.

Since the Have a Nice Day Tour, Bon Jovi shirts have been extremely lame. During the bands heyday their shirts were just as cool as other hairbands of the era. Now all you see on the front of their tees are crosses, flowers, smiley faces, hearts, and yes…GRAPES! This is not a joke, that is what makes up any Bon Jovi t-shirt you see for sale, unless it’s vintage from eBay. The band opted to veer away from skulls and gangsters in favor of more women and children friendly designs which are frankly, WEAK. All of the characteristics of a typical Bon Jovi shirt are here, mainly the one that screams “If you’re a dude you should NEVER be wearing this shirt!” To add that extra special something that your wardrobe of other Jovi shirts may not have, there’s a silkscreen of Jon’s autograph on the bottom right of the logo!

Out of the $26.00 dollars you’re asked to shell out for this tee, 15% of the profits will go to the Jon Bon Jovi Soul Foundation, which will help create “affordable housing to those in need.” The Soul Foundation concentrates on serving the greater Philadelphia area rather than New Jersey, the state that provided the title for the band’s 4th album. There are still plenty of run down, low income parts of New Jersey, but no that’s fine Jon, go help the people in Philadelphia, the city that you didn’t grow up in.

www.jonbonjovisoulfoundation.org

Other Bon Jovi T-Shirt Tuesday Installments:
NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 13
NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 48

Bret Michaels’ Diet Snapple Seen on Celebrity Apprentice

iced tea,bret michaels,trop-a-rocka

I opened up and said ahhh, and took my first sip of Snapple’s latest tea, Trop-A-Rocka, a Celebrity Apprentice tie-in. Donald Trump must have loved all the press Bret Michael’s recent health issues stirred up because it only meant a colossal rating for the season finale of his TV show. As the world now knows, even though he was always claiming to be “discombooberated” on the Apprentice, the Poison frontman overcame adversity and triumphed as the winner of The Celebrity Apprentice.

The final project on The Apprentice involved marketing a new Snapple Iced Tea geared toward the contestants prospective charity. Holly Robinson Peete’s (aka Officer Hoffs from 21 Jumpstreet) Compassion Berry Tea did not interest me in the least, while Bret’s Blend Diet Trop-A-Rocka sounded a little off the wall and right up The Sexy Armpit’s alley. My girlfriend had a hell of a time finding the tea driving all over creation, but my suggestion was to go to the local Shop-Rite, and wall-a, that is where she found it!

Bret noted that he wanted the tea to be refreshing and taste great even though it is Diet, and it definitely fits that description. I can’t say that I’ve had a Snapple variety that tastes anything like this. The tea is an oddball bunch of flavors and they are easily detectable. In fact, the fruits on the label aren’t even all the flavors that my taste buds were picking up. Pear is clearly the dominant flavor, while there actually is a nice amount of cinnamon, which sounds like it wouldn’t ever be an ingredient in a Snapple beverage unless it was something like Thanksgiving Apple Pie Spice, but it works well. Instead of the mango flavor that is advertised on the label, I got some mellow coconut and banana undertones instead.

Some internet sites have received feedback that the beverage has a peach cobbler taste, while others have ripped it claiming it tastes like medicine. For a diet drink that’s also a rare TV tie-in, you can’t get much better than this, especially for a possibly limited edition fruity summer tea. I would pick it up again because it’s not as sickeningly sweet as other Snapple flavors and The Donald’s mug is on the label so you can’t go wrong. Better track down a bottle for yourself if you want to try it because it’s going for $4.25 a bottle with $9.00 shipping on eBay right now!

Etymology of The Chipwich

ice cream,new jersey
Pictured on the right is LaMotta next to a Chipwich Stand

It’s sad to hear of the recent death of Richard LaMotta, inventor of The Chipwich. His unique approach to selling the frozen treat on a cart in New York City in 1982 took the simple premise of the traditional hot dog stand to another level. The Chipwiches became such hot sellers that his 2 Chipwich plants, one in Queens, NY, and one in Lodi, NJ were churning out 200,000 a day! Prior to its boom in popularity and LaMotta’s truly passionate marketing of his new concept, he lacked a name for it.

While LaMotta was half owner of The Sweet Tooth ice cream parlor in Englewood, NJ, he held a contest to come up with a name for the ice cream sandwich. For Anne Dermansky, a mother from the surrounding area, Chipwich was the first idea to pop in her head. She quickly wrote it down, credited her daughter, and submitted it. Not only did Dermansky’s daughter Julie win the contest, but she was gifted a one year supply of Chipwiches, and a $10,000 Scholarship which she used to help pay her tuition to Tulane University. According to an article on North Jersey.com, Dermanksy explained that LaMotta never missed a scholarship payment to Julie and they received them like clockwork, even when the company experienced financial hardship.

Also check out The official Chipwich Site, Just My Show’s Post about The Chipwich,
as well as an Article from NY Times and North Jersey.com

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 50: The Saint in Asbury Park

new jersey,asbury park,the saint,t-shirt

The Saint in Asbury Park, NJ is one of the best venues to discover new bands in the Tri-State area. Since 1994, the stage at this corner bar has been graced by major label acts, local up and coming bands, and artists hailing literally from around the globe.

On a recent visit to Asbury Park, I stopped into The Saint for a beer. As I sat on a stool at the bar, I absorbed the atmosphere. The multicolored lights saturated the various concert posters, memorabilia, and other quirky decor hanging on the walls. To the right, I noticed a band setting up their equipment on the stage, and even though I was curious to stay and check them out, my eyelids were already involuntarily shutting on me. I just can’t hang anymore, especially since I was up at 5:00 am that morning. As my girlfriend and I were about to call it a night and hop back on the GSP, Lipstick and Cigarettes, were plugged in and ready to rock the crowd. I peered around at people’s faces in the bar and everyone was waiting patiently, so I figured this band must be pretty good. One girl standing not too far from my stool who said her name was Stephanie, seemed like a fan, so I asked her if she saw this band before: “Yeah I did, and this is only their 2nd show actually,” ahh, thanks for the info Steph. Normally “only their 2nd show” would be a surefire signal for me to hightail it out of there, but after hearing merely 20 seconds of their opening song “Burn This City,” I knew they were my type of band.

lipstick and cigarettes,band,the saint,asbury park

Almost all the songs this trio performed were instantly memorable. I was sold on their bouncy, energized, retro rock vibe. Chris, the lead singer and guitarist of Lipstick and Cigarettes, could have been yanked out of a video from the early days of MTV with his skinny tie and black button down shirt. His voice matched the visual, creating a sound similar to many new wave bands with the prefix “The” in their names like The Cars, The Fixx, and The Knack. Their drummer, Erik, provided killer beats throughout the show, especially on the intro to “Alibi.” He infuses the songs with a rhythm that made me feel like they could have been on an ’80s movie soundtrack. But providing the key female element in the band is their bassist, Sarah, who probably gets so sick of hearing all the Cassandra from Wayne’s World references, so unless you want to get punched in the mouth, you better think twice about asking her if Crucial Taunt is playing The Gasworks this week. Sarah provided backing vocals on a few of the songs, such as “White Tie Affair,” but the band would benefit from making Sarah and Erik’s backing vocals more prominent in every song, which would provide a fuller, more distinct sound.

During the concert, I admired how meticulously constructed their pop rock songs were. For instance, “Taking it Slow’s” big “Whoa-Oh” chorus was fun, less sugary than the sweet power pop of Tinted Windows, and way less effeminate than Franz Ferdinand. Accentuating their set was a fresh cover of The Romantics’ “Talking in Your Sleep,” while some of their best tracks followed such as “Sleight of Hand” and “Dangerous Eyes.” As they brought it home, the crowd wanted more. Although unsure of what song they would do, Lipstick and Cigarettes delivered an encore. After some back and forth, Sarah was elected to sing. She enticed all the guys in the crowd with her alluring vocals on Blondie’s “Call Me,” and of course, she slapped some bass as well.

The show was over and I wasn’t tired at all after seeing Lipstick and Cigarettes. The second the show ended I basically interrogated the drummer Erik and tried to shake him down for a CD, but he claimed they didn’t have one made yet. That got me more than a little pissed considering that I could totally picture myself cruising around this summer with the windows down blasting their music. I thought he was just joking around and didn’t want to give me a copy, but then he mentioned that this would be their last live show for a while since they are working on writing and recording their debut album. Damn, I was glad that we decided to hang out! I admit that I was unsure if I wanted to stick around for a band I knew nothing about and whose music I have never heard, but that is the type of unexpected magic a place like The Saint offers. All the classic bands started somewhere, and if I’m lucky I may have witnessed one in the making.

LIKE Lipstick and Cigarettes on Facebook
and
visit http://thesaintnj.com to check out their event schedule

Ad Jerseum 7: Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman Shill for Palisades Park!

Ad Jerseum: So much Jersey advertising it’ll make you vomit!

new jersey,amusement park,palisades park,batman,superman

In the old days, Super Heroes were known to teach kids to do the right thing. But, when they weren’t telling kids to get the proper nutrition, exercise, and obey the law, they were also scheduling their weekends for them. Here’s a pretty accurate dramatization of how it probably went down after a kid saw the above ad in the comic book they were reading: “Mom please! Palisades Park! Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman gave me coupons! Please, please!! I need to go!” Long before amusement parks were commonplace, Palisades Park was the equivalent to Six Flags. The only difference was that it stood out as one of the most extravagant amusement parks in the country. If I was a kid back when these ads were popping up in comic books and magazines I would have begged my parents to take me there for sure.

Notice Wonder Woman shoved down into the right side of the ad while Batman and Superman are cockily posing in the top left with shit eating grins on their faces. You don’t even have to wonder what’s going on behind that FREE coupon. It’s no secret that The World’s Finest team often had their differences, but one thing they both always fully agreed on was Palisades M-therf-cking Park. That’s how they referred to it too. The following is from an actual phone conversation between Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne…

BRUCE: “Hey Clark! Are you ready for the uproarious fun we’re about to partake in at Palisades M-therf-cking Park, Clark? Get it? Let’s go to the Park, Clark! I’m like Paul Simon tonight! 50 Ways to leave for the Amusement Park, sing it with me!
CLARK: I’m sorry Bruce, I can’t, I’m actually pretty busy working on an article for The Daily Planet.
BRUCE: Yeah sure you are, and Man-Bat might fly out of my butt! Here, I have a fantastic idea, you do your flying thing, and I’ll take the Whirly-Bat and we’ll see who makes it there first. This will kick so much ass, it will be better than the time I “accidentally” saw Catwoman in her lavender neglige. I rocked that pussy…uh…CAT that night. So, I bet you see a ton of hot ass with that sweet X-Ray vision of yours. Damn you Clark! Lucky bastard!
CLARK: Bruce, I’m sorry I really can’t…hey…wait one second…
(Jimmy Olsen sprints over to Clark’s desk)
CLARK: What is it Jimmy?
JIMMY OLSEN: (out of breath) You’ve got to hurry! Lois and several others are stuck on a roller coaster at Palisade’s Park in New Jersey!
BRUCE: JACKPOT! Perfect time to look up that champagne colored skirt she has on today! If you don’t mind, I’d like to take a stroll down to her lane if you catch my drift!
CLARK: Bruce, I’ve really got to go!
BRUCE: No wait! How about you take the Justice Jogger and I’ll take a bat-run through the emergency underground Bat-Tunnel and I bet I’ll still beat you there. That Justice Jogger, what a useless piece of shit! I think you’ll still lose though, mostly due to the fact that you waste too much time standing around with your fists on your hips and your cape blowing in the wind before you spring into action. By the time you get to the park I’ll have already finished riding The Cyclone, The Wild Mouse, and of course MY RIDE ahem…The Batman Slide and will have saved Lois and taken her into The Arabian Nights Tunnel of Love with extra time to spare for some brooding atop The German Fun House! Don’t worry though, I’ll wait for your slow ass at the salt water wave pool, OK Clark? Uhhh…Clark?
CLARK:…(dial tone) (cue subtle hints of John William’s Superman theme)
BRUCE: Fine! I’ll just see if old blue balls himself Dr. Manhattan feels up to going there! Who needs you anyway?

www.palisadespark.com

Whoa, I Wasn’t Searching For All That!

I was simply on a search for some nostalgia on the old Menlo Park Cinema in Edison, New Jersey when a completely unrelated and unexpected result appeared. This wasn’t really what I had in mind:

google,edison,new jersey,menlo park,cinema

I can’t think of anything I’d like to see LESS than erotic photos of Thomas Alva Edison, especially on such a credible site such as “Platinum-Celebs.com.”

NJ Band Rapid Fire

This video profile of New Jersey band Rapid Fire comes to you courtesy of Star Ledger videos. Listen to this metal/prog rock band tear it up, but be more in awe that the band members range in age from 14 to 16 years old. Rapid Fire won a contest where they snagged an opening spot at last week’s Bamboozle Festival at The Meadowlands.