sexyarmpit, Author at Sludge Central

Futurama’s Got Jokes 2

Posted on September 3, 2011 by sexyarmpit

Jersey is again the punchline of a joke in a Futurama episode. Fry and Bender decide to become roommates in “I, Roommate,” episode 3 of season 1 which originally aired in April of 1999.

It’s decided by the group that Fry has to move out since he’s being a slob and fouling up the business. They have no choice but to kick him out. After Fry moves into Bender’s apartment that’s as small as a closet, they set out on a search for a new apartment for the both of them.

During a montage of clips showing the duo’s quest for a new place to live, we see them go through all kinds of weird places including one apartment that turned out to be an MC Escher painting come to life.

But the moment Fry visits an apartment that looks suspiciously perfect, he’s in disbelief as the realtor shows them around.

FRY: “Well I give up…what’s the catch?”

REALTOR: “Oh, no catch, although we are technically in New Jersey.”

Immediately after seeing the New Jersey apartment he was convinced they exhausted all their options. Fry determines that he hasn’t looked at “one place even remotely livable.” Eventually, the odd pair are able to move into the apartment of one of Professor Farnsworth’s recently deceased colleagues.

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 82: High Hopes

Posted on August 30, 2011 by sexyarmpit

My Amazon wish list is a junkyard of DVDs that nobody wants. I’ve got the weirdest shit on that list. The DVDs just sit there, unbought. For years! I have over five hundred movies on there, enough that 10 people probably couldn’t get through them in their entire lifetimes. But somehow I think I will one day. Or, I just like to pay a minimal amount of attention to the lesser known efforts. Some are B-movies, some are forgotten comedies, most of them are cheesy, but only one of them features Parker Lewis having a run in with Diamond Dallas Page.

Buying this unfortunate film was completely out of the question. So, I did what any B-film curious movie lover would do…I checked Netflix. Sure enough, HIGH HOPES (2006) popped right up as being available for streaming! I started feeling like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and off my wish list.

The plot is pretty standard late night cable comedy fare. A group of guys are attempt to get their movie financed and they bank on their friends movie star girlfriend to star in it and then she breaks up with the guy so they are up the creek. Blah, blah, you could figure out all the wacky hijinks that ensue as they try to accomplish their goal. The cast is made up of actors who will probably charge you an exorbitant amount for an autograph at the next Monster Mania Con.

And no, I wasn’t joking, Corin Nemec does indeed have a run in with former pro wrestler DDP. Geez, doesn’t he know not to refer to DDP as a pimp? I really loved Parker Lewis Can’t Lose when I was a kid. Of course, now it’s trendy to claim that with all the hard- ons out there for ’90s nostalgia. It’s good to see he’s still getting acting jobs. He must still synchronize swatches previous to his auditions. Boy I’ll tell you who this movie could’ve used…TV’s Ferris Bueller CHARLIE SCHLATTER! But perhaps even more of a coup was the decision to cast one half of our local stoner tag team, Jason Mewes. (Check out his awesome New Jersey t-shirt pictured above.) If you’re a Jay and Silent Bob fan, this film won’t be such a stretch for you. There’s many variations on Jason Mewes getting stoned such as the one that will warm your heart: Jason Mewes getting a deaf mute guy stoned. You’ll also see Dany Trejo whose company Trejo 4.0 also co-produced the film which probably explains why his friend from Point Pleasant NJ, DDP had a cameo. Previously, they both appeared together in The Devil’s Rejects.

There are many worse low budget comedies on my wish list than High Hopes. I hope to continue gradually eliminating the crap from it. I gave the film a chance, but for you it just comes down to deciding if you want to part with an hour and a half of your life which will be dedicated to watching a movie which cast includes David Faustino and the kid who played Alex in Head of the Class. You really have to be a lover of the obscure ones, or just completely desperate for something to watch. Here’s my final verdict: Less Dick as in Andy Dick and more of that Lacey stuff…I mean Lacey Chabert.

NJ Is Under Water!

Posted on August 29, 2011 by sexyarmpit

Many towns throughout the Garden State are submerged in water right now. News helicopters have been filming people getting around town by canoe and TV reporters are standing in the middle of streets knee deep in water. This vintage postcard from 1958 is a funny one, but Hurricane Irene was no joke. Can you imagine not having cable for like…an entire day? What about Internet? Worse than that: what about all your snacks in the basement pantry? Soaked! New Jersey is the wet basement capitol of the world right now. In all seriousness, it seems to the rest of the world that we are being little babies about this hurricane. While it wasn’t as severe as some previous hurricanes, it still caused a ton of damage and claimed 35 lives in it’s wake. So far, we know that 4 of them were from New Jersey. The Sexy Armpit sends our sincere condolences out to their families.

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.57: The Hurricane

Posted on August 28, 2011 by sexyarmpit

As I sit at my computer I can barely concentrate due to the violent winds firing a barrage of liquid bullets at my windows. Weather reports have supposedly downgraded the storm but it seems like we are experiencing a full fledged hurricane. The President and Governor have declared a state of emergency in New Jersey and the surrounding areas. About a million people have evacuated our shore towns. Casinos have been shut down for only the 3rd time in over 30 years. So, while I still have power and Internet service, I’d like to recommend some appropriate viewing in case you are looking for something to watch since you’re probably stuck indoors for the next day or so.

Despite accusations of it not being absolutely historically accurate, I still recommend you check out 1999’s “The Hurricane,” which features another first rate performance by Denzel Washington. Washington was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Actor and also took home a Golden Globe award for his work in the film and his turn was also lauded by Roger Ebert as being “on a par with his work in Malcom X.”

The biographical film of middleweight boxer Rubin “Hurricane” Carter’s life works best if you aren’t too familiar with his unfortunate story. Carter was wrongly convicted for a murder in Paterson, New Jersey in 1966 and spent 20 years in prison for it. It’s a compelling and tense drama filled with emotional performances and engrossing boxing sequences. The film also stars Deborah Unger, Liev Schreiber, Rod Steiger, Dan Hedaya, David Paymer, Debbi Morgan, and Vincent Pastore.

A few interesting facts about the film:

– Bob Dylan’s 1975 protest song “Hurricane” is featured on the soundtrack and according to Wikipedia, Dylan visited Carter in prison and later wrote the song.

– Thanks to the film’s IMDB profile, the filming locations included East Jersey State Prison (Rahway Prison), Paterson NJ, and Trenton NJ.

– The picture of Malcolm X used in the film is actually a picture of Denzel Washington from the film Malcolm X.

G.I JERSEY: Dreadnoks On The Jersey Shore!

Posted on August 24, 2011 by sexyarmpit

Marvel’s G.I Joe comic book line (1982-1994) used New Jersey as a location quite often. In reality, to set a Joe story in Jersey isn’t all that far fetched. New Jersey is home to many Air Force, Army, Navy, and Coast Guard bases and training centers including McGuire, Dix, and Picatinny to name a few. Also in Jersey, the shore town of Sandy Hook is not only home to a famous nude beach, but at one time was used as the nation’s first proving ground. Coincidentally, the Sandy Hook Proving Ground was eventually moved to Aberdeen, Maryland which is where G.I Joe issue #81’s story begins.

I always knew Cobra was underhanded, but a lame real estate scheme? Please don’t tell me that Cobra Commander was having secret dealings with real estate infomercial guru Dean Graziosi, whom as I’ve mentioned many times in the past, has me convinced that he was formerly a woman and had a sex change operation. If the Commander did engage in a business relationship with that swindler then I’d lose all respect for him.

Regardless, Cobra Commander did indeed strike up a deal which lead to the Dreadnoks getting sent to Jersey. In the issue, families of Cobra employees get hauled on a ship to an undisclosed area somewhere in the U.S. We find out that a small span of the Jersey Shore, the fictional Broca Beach, winds up being the secret location where the families are being moved to. The Dreadnoks are basically instructed to be make sure they are moved discreetly. Fat chance with those hell raisers as your point men. Imagine that, The Dreadnoks – what a welcome wagon!

The idea of the Dreadnoks in Jersey is pretty f’n rad. The ‘noks have a long history in Jersey as they’ve set up many hideouts there since the gang’s inception. In this issue, The Dreadnoks are actually pictured speeding down the infamous New Jersey Turnpike while wrecking up toll booths in the process. Now that’s pretty badass.

Notice the Haunted Castle at the end of the Broca Beach Boardwalk!

We shouldn’t worry our little heads about Cobra and his Dreadnoks plot at Broca Beach because Mutt and Battleforce 2000 are on the job. As we learned in the first installment of G.I JERSEY, Mutt is a native of the Garden State so why would he need maps of the highways? Jersey highways may seem a little convoluted if you’re a first time visitor, but navigating NJ is pretty damn cut and dry in comparison to other states in the country. It’s true that in Jersey all you need to know is “what exit?” Someone get Mutt a damn GPS!

You may be wondering, what the hell is Battleforce 2000? Well, BF200 was a specialized crew of Joes who had high tech armor, weapons, and vehicles. Debuting in 1987, it was one of of the gimmicks that used to turn me off about action figure lines and cartoons. With most action figure lines back then and their cartoon or comic counterpart, there always seemed to be some zany new look for the characters with a fancy new group moniker as an excuse to sell more figures.

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 81: NJ Earthquake Survivor

Posted on August 23, 2011 by sexyarmpit

I found this NJ Quake Survivor T-Shirt via a link from Scarlet Carson

I always thought watching the late wrestler John Tenta was the closest I’d ever come to experiencing an actual earthquake. I lived my entire life in Jersey and I’ve never felt one tremor…until today. An aftershock stemming from an earthquake near Virginia caused tremors all the way up through New York and Connecticut. For those of you who have lived through a quake, it’s scary but sort of thrilling at the same time. Thankfully, the mere 30 seconds of rumbling wasn’t life threatening, but still pretty scary for people in our state who are ill prepared for an earthquake.

Can you believe there are already NJ Earthquake t-shirts, websites, and even Twitter accounts now? People are always trying to make a quick buck, but can you blame them in this shitty economy? These NJ earthquake survivor t-shirts are funny because we all feel pretty damn proud of ourselves for making it through the tiniest aftershock, when meanwhile folks on the west coast live through tremors constantly. How about you, did you feel the earthquake today? Was it your first?

Today’s t-shirt is available at Cafe Press.

Bat-Fest on Asbury Park Boardwalk

Posted on August 22, 2011 by sexyarmpit

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYa8sqVDQPo?rel=0]

When I read that the Asbury Park Boardwalk would be holding a Bat-Fest, Egghead, Bookworm, not even Mad Hatter could stop me from getting there. On Saturday August 20th, an entire day of events dubbed “Bat-Fest” promoted Jersey born bat-producer Michael Uslan’s new memoir The Boy Who Loved Batman. If you’re male and you like Batman, then that title should sound like a familiar story.

The Batmobile is constantly maneuvering the streets of Gotham and isn’t used to cruising around down the shore, but on Saturday it made the trip from Gotham to Asbury Park on autopilot. That’s the kind of clout that Uslan has, after all, he was the man responsible for bringing all the Batman movies to the big screen. Both the 1966 and 1989 Batmobiles were on display courtesy of John Brown of Gotham City Supercars for fans and beachgoers to take pictures with. Seeing the 1966 Batmbobile has been fairly common lately since it shows up at a lot of pop culture conventions, but the ’89 car isn’t always around, so I was excited to see it. The sleek ’89 model was parked beside the boardwalk and was in mint condition and driveable, unlike the shell that sits outside Batman: The Ride at Six Flags Great Adventure.

Chicks dig the car, but they also like romantic rendezvous on the beach, and there was a little bit of that also. Going to watch movies on the beach has become a popular event in many shore towns, and Asbury Park presents many of them. Bat-fest capped off with a showing of the 1989 Batman movie introduced by Michael Uslan himself. I thought Uslan’s intro was insightful as he compared the Gotham City in the film before it’s 200th birthday to Asbury Park, a once crumbling city that has recently made quite a comeback.

Once I thumbed through Uslan’s book at The Sundry Times store on the boardwalk, I knew I wanted to read it. The first thing that struck me was the high quality pages and lots of color photos. What can I say, too many words intimidate me! I was able to speak with Michael at the end of the festivities and he took time answering my questions and signed my book as well.

Uslan isn’t just some guy who wanted to be a Hollywood movie producer. His heart has always been with comic books and superheroes. He once had a collection of nearly 30,000 comic books that he has since donated to Indiana University’s Lilly Library. You can take a look at Uslan’s IMDB profile and you’ll literally be amazed at how many comic book related projects he has produced throughout his career (Batman, Swamp Thing, and The Spirit to name a few) Uslan also created and produced one of the cartoons that I watched before leaving for school as a kid: Dinosaucers! I’ll be reading his book after I finish a couple of others and I can’t wait!

The Boy Who Loved Batman is available through Chronicle Books, Amazon, and book stores:
http://www.chroniclebooks.com/theboywholovedbatman

The Official Site of The Asbury Park Boardwalk:
http://apboardwalk.com/

Missing Monster Mania :(

Posted on August 19, 2011 by sexyarmpit

I’m going to miss Monster Mania Con this weekend

Hopefully another one will be right around the bend

But if you plan on being there in Cherry Hill

There are plenty of guests on the bill!

Cary Elwes, and a reunion of the Walking Dead!

and William Ragsdale from Herman’s Head!?!

Danielle Harris that little hottie…

and I think Casper Van Dien, but my memory is spotty

Winston Zeddemore and Walter Peck?

And I won’t be there? WHAT THE HECK?!?!

Can’t forget the creator of Troma, my man Lloyd

but remember, get there early because it’s the parking that you’ll want to avoid!

Monster Mania Con is today through Sunday at Crowne Plaza in Cherry Hill, New Jersey!

Go to their official site for more info!

Slippery When Wet’s 25th Anniversary

Posted on August 19, 2011 by sexyarmpit

Many readers of The Sexy Armpit who don’t know me in real life think I’m always bashing Bon Jovi…and I am. The thing is, I’m a huge Bon Jovi fan at the same time. You see, Bon Jovi is not the same band as they were when I was growing up. The cool rock stars from a few miles down the road who lived and breathed rock and roll are long gone. I guess sitting on billions of dollars sucked all the coolness and rock and roll out of them too. The guys hungry for stardom who worked with famed songwriter Desmond Child in Richie Sambora’s basement once upon a time creating what would become one of the most iconic rock albums of all time have taken a wrong turn on the road to rock.

I want none of this “Who Says You Can’t Go Home” crap or this “(You Want to) Make a Memory” bullshit. The modern Bon Jovi completely ignores the hard edged pop rock they once produced because they believe it isn’t lucrative anymore. Let’s be honest – I think Bon Jovi would become even more popular than they ever were if they released a really kickass hard rock song with a catchy chorus like they used to do back in the ’80s. People worship those songs. Do you really think people hanging out in bars 20 years from now are going to be sliding dollar bills into a space age jukebox to hear “When We Were Beautiful?” F-ck no. They want to hear the good stuff!

It’s simple, if you want to relive some of Bon Jovi’s greatest musical achievements then go into your iTunes and listen to their 1986 album Slippery When Wet in it’s entirety. It’s one of the greatest rock albums of all time and it’s sold 28 million copies worldwide. Even if you’re not a Bon Jovi fan, respect must be given to this album for it’s prominence in pop culture. Go to a wedding, a beach bar, a barbecue, or sporting event and chances are you will hear a song from Slippery When Wet. You know them whether you like to admit it or not, here we go: “Wanted Dead or Alive,” “You Give Love a Bad Name,” “Never Say Goodbye,” and of course the song that’s almost as popular with drunk women as Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin'” – “Livin’ On a Prayer.” Oh and I can’t forget one of my personal favorites, a song I share fondness for with Barf from Spaceballs, “Raise Your Hands.”

And now, easily one of Bon Jovi’s greatest tracks:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SRvCvsRp5ho?rel=0]

New Misfits Album Hitting Stores In October

Posted on August 18, 2011 by sexyarmpit

Arthur Suydam’s kickass cover art!

October 4th 2011 will be an exciting day for Misfits fans because it marks the release of the first full length Misifts album of new material in about ten years. Many fans abandoned the NJ horror punk group in recent years because of all the lineup changes and direction of the music. Personally, they’re still The Misfits to me and the fact that they’re keeping the spirit of the band alive is cool. But then again, I’d probably go to see KISS even if there were no original members left. What can I say, I like their music!

The album is called The Devil’s Rain and it promises to be a treat for those hardcore fans who hung in there. The album was produced by noted punk producer Ed Stasium and it’s said to be a return to the sci-fi themes and monstrous sounds of their past. The Amazon.com sale page describes the album as “not just a continuation of a historic legacy, it’s a total reboot ushering in a new era of terror.” Sounds good to me.

Also, if you bought the Misfits last 2 singles “Land of the Dead” and “Twilight of the Dead,” they have been re-recorded for this album. Recently the band dismissed Robo for Murphy’s Law drummer, Eric Arce, now known as “Chupacbra.” Hopefully they can stick with this lineup for a while.

I’m looking forward to this new album and it’ll be a great addition to my October playlist! Also look out for The Misfits LIVE on tour. Their Halloween show happens on Friday, October 28th 2011 at The Starland Ballroom in Sayreville, NJ. Click HERE for tickets!

Author: sexyarmpit