Easter Bunny Blasphemy!

Mallrats
JAY: “You’re f*cking kidding me, the Easter Bunny did this?
BRODIE: “All I said was the Easter Bunny at the Menlo Park Mall was more 
convincing and he just jumped the railing and knocked me down”
JAY: “He’s f*ckin’ dead…”
BRODIE: “Oh, let it go he’s under a lot of pressure.”
T.S: “What the hell happened to him?”
JAY: “The guy in the Easter Bunny suit kicked his ass!”

The territorial aspect of Kevin Smith’s films can’t be fully appreciated unless you are from New Jersey. If you’re from Pittsburgh, PA or Peoria, IL, the effect is not exactly the same. It’s like the way that people from Dallas felt a part of the long running prime time soap based on the Texas city, and it’s also no different than the way people in Philly connect with It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. If you’re an outsider you probably didn’t know that the people who suit up as Easter Bunnies at malls in Central New Jersey have a bad chip on their shoulder, so don’t f*ck with them!

This doesn’t mean that if you are a non-Jerseyan you like Mallrats less than us, it’s just in a different way. Much like Clerks, it was a thrill when I first saw Mallrats in the theater since there were so many references to the local area. The mall scenes in Mallrats were not filmed in Jersey, but Brodie mentions Menlo Park Mall in Edison, New Jersey. Menlo Park Mall was quite an institution. It was one of those places where my family and everyone we knew would be at constantly. I have fond memories of it, especially before it’s revamp in the early ’90s.

Along with the above Easter Bunny scene, Mallrats also has an exterior shot of the old U.S #1 Flea Market. It was a legendary emporium that I also used to frequent a lot as a kid with my family. The flea market closed years ago to make way for a Loews Cineplex, which has since been taken over by AMC Theaters.

Back in 1995, even though it was merely through a couple of quick references, Smith provided a completely fresh take on Jersey in Mallrats.  He put Jersey on a pedestal, years before it was considered trendy. When Kevin Smith was originally embracing his home state there were no reality shows, and especially none that took place in Jersey. At that time Jersey wasn’t getting a lot of play in movies either, and when it did, it was usually the butt of a joke.

Smith also pioneered the fact that it was cool to be a geek. I can’t claim that trend to have originated in New Jersey but I can tell you that since then Seth Cohen from the O.C and the guys on Big Bang Theory as well as many others have been proud of their geeky lifestyle. They can thank Kevin Smith for making Brodie one of the coolest S.O.B’s in the history of movies. He’s literally a fanboy icon. I used to think that if a guy who liked comic books and video games as much as Brodie did could be that cool, it just reassured me that there were others like me out there. Although I doubt I’d ever choose a game of NHL Hockey on Genesis over a roll in the hay with a bitter, post 90210 Shannen Doherty, but that’s another story.

Smith’s films have helped geeks become proud of their fixations and he’s created films that have upped New Jersey’s coolness factor. For example, after Mallrats came out, people in Tonganoxie, Kansas thought we slackers in Jersey were pretty f’n rad, and meticulous with our comic book collections. I have news for you, we still are.

Rip a Hit From The EVIL BONG…in 3-D and SNIFF-O-RAMA!

Yes, I do have enough brain cells to realize that today is 4/20. But today I’ll be telling you about another important day which is a little less than a month away. On May 14th, Full Moon Features’ Horror Roadshow, featuring the local premiere of Evil Bong 3-D The Wrath of Bong, will make it’s last stop at The Forum Theater Arts Center in Metuchen, New Jersey. Unfortunately, I missed out on the last couple of Full Moon’s roadshows in my area, so I’m anxious to experience it for the first time. Lucky for me, this installment of Evil Bong will be in 3-D and features Sniff-O-Rama! Wait, that’s not all! There’s also going to be a Full Moon Film Fest as well!

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igKBuJz5Bmo?rel=0]

The festivities begin at 4pm and they won’t close up shop until approximately midnight folks. That means you will have plenty of time to take in the scene. Special guests will include producer and director Charles Band, Barbara Crampton, and Charlie Spradling among others. You’ll also be able to purchase lots of Full Moon Merch as well as take part in audience participation.

Described as a “galactic stoner horror comedy,” Charles Band himself has been quoted as saying that Evil Bong 3-D has a “record amount of naked alien beauties, boobies, and reefer hits to ever be presented in 3-D.” I’d say this is truly some good news. If you’re already a fan of the Evil Bong series, you need to be at this event!

There aren’t many filmmakers who will bring their films directly to the fans, but Charles Band takes it to the next level. He not only comes to town personally to screen his new film, but he’s also bringing guests and an over the top roadshow. Who needs the corporate movie marketing machine of regurgitated crap? As the legendary KISS would say, it’s going to be like “you’re in the Psycho Circus.”

Tickets are available NOW!

Forum Theater Arts Center
314 Main Street
Metuchen NJ 08840

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 76: Charlie’s Corner

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The online t-shirt shop Shirts With Balls has gone exclusively eBay in order for the owner to pursue their political thrash metal band…sounds like the next pilot to tank on ABC. The store once carried vintage style t-shirts from random bars in New Jersey. And, because I am a total weirdo, I saved a t-shirt pic from their site back when it was on sale. This one is from Charlie’s Corner, a bar in Secaucus that has been raked over the coals on the Internet. I’ve never drank at Charlie’s Corner and I don’t think I will anytime soon, but it was still amusing reading up on the place.
Here is what some sites and reviews have said about Charlie’s Corner: 
*Beware these aren’t from Peter Travers:
“The beer selection is white trash approved, the staff are a bunch of skanks…” 
– tluv80 at city search
“If you saw the kitchen area you’d just as soon eat out of the toilet and cut to the chase.” 
– tluv80 at city search
“The waitresses are practically hookers” – clubplanet.com
“…Good parking…” – liltbones at city search

Preparing to SCREAM Some More…

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After reading a post by Johnny over at one of my favorite horror blogs, Freddy in Space, I thought I should get a SCREAM-themed post together as well. My tickets for Scream 4 have been purchased and I don’t think I’ve been this excited for a theatrical horror release since Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows came out. That one let most of you down, but not me, I loved it. BW2 aside, now it’s Scream time!

Two things about Scream 4 are gripping my attention. Foremost, I’m looking forward to seeing the new cast members as well as some familiar faces. Some of my favorites have been cast in the film including Kristen Bell, Marley Shelton, Aimee Teegarden, Adam Brody, and Heather Graham.

It will also be interesting to see if Wes Craven can rebound from My Soul To Take. I realize a lot of horror fans out there enjoyed it, but I wound up bored out of my skull. I never thought I’d be scanning through a Wes Craven horror film. Shit, I’ve sat through all of Wes Craven’s movies, even the ones he merely “presented.” Wes deserves to have another true classic for the new generation of horror, so please let it be Scream 4!

Although I’m hoping Scream 4 will be a triumphant culmination of the series, even if it tanks at the box office it’s sure to yield more installments in the future. And why shouldn’t the Scream franchise continue on? All the great horror franchises keep evolving. They’ll probably go on forever, long after The Sexy Armpit has disappeared from the net, only to be found via a wayback machine. The original Scream was released in 1996, so the Scream Team has had a hell of enough time to perfect its formula. Who knows, maybe Scream 4 could even surpass the original?

Are you going to see Scream 4? If so, let us get you geared up for the film, with two classic Scream posts:

All about the night of Scream 2’s premiere. I dressed up as Ghostface when 
I worked at Loew’s Menlo Park Cinemas.
One of the best cameos in the Scream series!

Will MTV Shed Some SKINS?

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Featured Sexy Armpit writer N.J Holden is back, and this time he’s offering his editorial expertise 
on MTV’s controversial show, SKINS. He also explores two of the cast members’ Jersey roots.

With television saturated by so-called “reality” shows, MTV cheerfully bathes in it from head to toe. At any given time on any given day, shows such as True Life, Teen Mom, The Real World, and (ugh) Jersey Shore can be seen and have, in a sense, become the network’s standard in terms of programming. But when it was announced that it was producing Skins, few could have anticipated such a myriad of hype and controversy about a hand-me down drama from England about teens up to their eyeballs in sex and drugs. Forget its other show The Hard Times of RJ Berger (whose geeky high school protagonist has the endowment of John Holmes); Skins seemed to have a bulls eye on it from the get-go. After its initial airing, major sponsors pulled their ads and the Parents Television Council (PTC) called for its cancellation, citing that the nudity amongst its cast was dangerously near child pornography (despite the brief nude scenes, it never becomes graphic or sexual in context) since most of its cast was under the age of 18. But if you look past all the cries of denouncement, one would find that MTV has finally put on a good show, but one that seems destined for a brief life.

Using a talented cast of unknowns (including New Jersey natives Sofia Black D’Elia and Daniel Flaherty), the show follows the lives of a small clique of teens with a penchant for anything bad. From scoring legal and illegal drugs to switching sexual partners on a dime, this is KIDS (that cult classic from 1995) for the new millennium, but with more sympathetic characters than their New York counterparts (hell, even more sympathy than those Jersey Shore clowns). Stanley (Flaherty) is the group’s warm heart and soul, an aloof kid with marijuana smoke for brains who is torn between his best friend’s girlfriend and his own girlfriend, all of whom carry their own sorts of baggage. Meanwhile, Tea (D’Elia) is an open lesbian who questions her sexuality after a forbidden tryst with her friend’s boyfriend Tony, the clique’s macho leader whose swagger is only matched by his appetite for destruction, sometimes at the cost of his own friends. Along with the group, the show features subplots as a student-teacher relationship, a disastrous class trip into the woods, homelessness, and ill-equipped parents either not ready to deal with their kids or are too busy being kids themselves. For one hour each week, all of these ingredients are stirred together to give people a reason to forget “reality” shows and see a grossly (but not too distorted) view of why teenagers are revered and abhorred in today’s society. Every teenager seems to have feelings of superiority and invincibility and combined with irresponsibility and a lack of remorse, nothing good can come of this which is what the show demonstrates.

With Jersey Shore as its lead-in, Skins seemed to be a guaranteed success, not to mention the heavy promotion the network put behind it. But with its numbers far below expectations and the viewers dwindling week by week, the fate of the show (at the time of this writing) was still up in the air. An online petition was formed in the hopes of keeping it alive at least for another season if not more. While MTV thrives on controversy, the backlash may have worked against it. Is the show racy? Yes, but it never crosses over into sleaze territory, and those who have cried foul over the show’s depiction of sex and drugs failed to realize that the show never glamorizes or promotes it. Whatever the outcome, Skins has introduced NJ’s own D’Elia and Flaherty into the mainstream; two actors who are sure to become stars sooner or later. Let’s hope sooner.

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 75: Lipstick and Cigarettes

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Lipstick and Cigarettes covering Duran Duran’s “Rio”

Lipstick and Cigarettes performed last Friday night at The Saint in Asbury Park and The Sexy Armpit was in attendance. L&C are quickly becoming a fixture to the NJ pop rock scene which is awesome. The band’s music (which is available on iTunes and elswhere) is a modern take on the ’80s new wave pop rock style. Their hard work is paying off since they’ve been in rotation at local college radio stations and they’re playing some great gigs in the coming months. I recorded their cover of Duran Duran’s “Rio” which was chosen by the winner of their T-Shirt contest they held at their Facebook page. You can see them live at The Court Tavern in New Brunswick on Saturday, April 16th.

Their first official T-shirt is now available at ALL Lipstick and Cigarettes shows!
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Lipstick and Cigarettes are also featured in:

“Death Is But a Door, The Toilet Is But a Window…I’ll Be Back”

Vigo on My Toilet
“Only a Carpathian would come back to life now and choose Jay’s bathroom. Tasty pick bonehead!” 
– Peter Venkman

I’m going to wager that not too many people have Vigo The Carpathian staring at them while they are pissing. That smug bastard. He’s looking at me every time I take a leak. I try to do my business in the bathroom as quickly as possible knowing that at any moment he could come alive and rip right through the cheap Wal-Mart frame I’ve enclosed him in. Surprisingly, Vigo has tricked some guests who have never seen Ghostbusters 2 into thinking that I have some sort of fine art in my bathroom. It’s better that they think that anyway. Although if you’re ever constipated, sitting there with Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy looking right over your shoulder will scare the shit out of you real quick.

STAR KILLER: Savoring Their Surge of Success

star killer,new york city,hard rock,jasin cadic
STAR KILLER Photo by Coco Alexander (L to R): Lou LaRossa, drums – Steve Perlmutter, bass – 
Jasin Cadic, vocals – Rob Hayder, guitar – Ian Krier, guitar 

Have you ever been invigorated by a feeling of accomplishment when you get a lot done in a really short amount of time? It’s a feeling that New York City’s ultimate industrial rockers Star Killer are extremely familiar with. Progressing at a breakneck speed, it’s as if the band has taken a quantum leap, except Scott Bakula’s not at the forefront, it’s NJ born lead singer Jasin Cadic, who I spoke to recently upon hearing the news of their upcoming tour. “It’s a combination of luck, talent, and a lifetime of networking and connections all coming together at the right moment” said Cadic. Star Killer will now be moving full throttle into a tour with CombiChrist.

Any band that has formed within the last couple of years would kill to be in Star Killer’s boots right now. And although they are savoring these moments, Cadic mentioned that it isn’t without added stress and responsibilities. For many rock bands, it’s admirable to write a “To Do” list, but sometimes it’s futile. In fact, I can probably tell you that most of them read like this: 1) Rock really hard 2) Get Super famous 3) Get crazy drunk with Lemmy 4) Bang a bunch of groupies. Well, I guess if you’re going to have a to-do list that would be a better jumping off point than some bands start out with. I’ve seen bands come together, fantasize about stardom, practice a lot, but yet never even make it to the stage. In Star Killer’s case, merely their 7th live show will be on a tour in support of CombiChrist, one of the most eminent electro-industrial bands. CombiChrist, who will be promoting their latest work “Throat Full of Glass,” share a similar musical vibe with Star Killer which is credited to the bands roots.

This tour is reminiscent of Han Solo running into Lando on Cloud City as it reunites Cadic with old friend and former band mate Combi’s drummer, Joe Letz. Several years ago Cadic and Letz started their first serious band, Handful of Dust. Cadic told the Sexy Armpit that Letz is still one of his closest friends and that the tour “reunites us in a musical setting which is very full circle and exciting.” (Guitarist Rob Hayder of Star Killer was also in Handful of Dust for a number of years as well) Cadic expressed his appreciation for CombiChrist having Star Killer on the tour: “We are very fortunate and lucky that CombiChrist has given us this amazing opportunity. Combichrist is one of the best industrial bands out there today, bands would kill to be on this tour, and we don’t take that lightly. We plan on giving it all we got on this tour.” After their tour with CombiChrist ends, Star Killer has responded to the demands of their fans by setting up a few more big New York shows.

Their debut EP featuring the single “As The Sky Is Falling,” has been downloaded in the U.S, and around the world. Their first live show was not your average rock gig. Star Killer debuted at the House of Blues in New Orleans on Halloween 2010 at the world’s most badass Halloween party, The Endless Night Vampire Ball. After the overwhelming response from that show generated a positive buzz, packed shows in New York and New Jersey soon followed. From there, it’s like they’ve been accelerating to ludicrous speed with no sign of slowing down. I asked Jasin if they were ready for the rocket ride and he replied, “Myself and Star Killer are ready for whatever the future holds, no matter how big, I say bring it!” Check out the CombiChrist tour with STAR KILLER on Wednesday, May 4th at Irving Plaza in New York City.

Star Killer’s diabolical sounds of cosmic chaos are not only a favorite here at The Sexy Armpit, but they have also been embraced by Brian Basher at Hard Rock Nights Radio, The Metal Mish, as well as other college radio stations around the Tri-State area. Tune in and ask them for more Star Killer!

Can’t stand that you only have 6 songs by Star Killer? Well, you have two options. Head over to their Reverb Nation page right now and check out an exclusive track “Echoes and Amputations,” a track not on their EP. Or you can wait patiently until their follow up CD gets released. Jasin Cadic has confirmed that Star Killer will be returning to the studio this summer. More music from Star Killer is on the way!

CombiChrist with STAR KILLER Tour Dates
5/2 Norfolk VA             Norva
5/3 Baltimore MD         Bourbon Street
5/4 New York NY        Irving Plaza
5/6 Worcester MA         Palladium
5/9 Detroit MI                Harpo’s
5/11 Minneapolis MN    Ground Zero
5/16 Portland OR           Hawthorne Theater
5/17 Sacramento CA      Ace of Spaces
5/19 Santa Ana CA        The Galaxy
5/22 Phoenix AZ            Nile Theater
5/23 Albuquerque NM    Sunshine Theater
5/24 El Paso TX              Club Peoria
5/25 Lubbock TX            Jakes
5/26 Dallas TX                South Side Music Hall
5/27 Houston TX             Numbers
5/28 San Antonio TX      White Rabbit
5/30 Jacksonville FL        Jack Rabbit’s
5/31 Orlando FL              Club Firestone
6/1 West Palm Beach FL Respectable Street
6/2 Tampa FL                  State Theater
6/3 Spartanburg SC         Ground Zero
6/4 Atlanta GA                Masquerade

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 74: Take Sesame Street To The Jersey Shore

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Mash-ups in pop culture are inevitable no matter how blasphemous. If you grew up watching Sesame Street and The Muppet Show, then there’s a damn good chance you are furious over the mere idea of the Sesame Street gang getting mixed up with the cast of Jersey Shore. It’s like the apostles banding together to create one righteously badass boy band, it’s just something that’s never supposed to happen. But when t-shirt sales are involved, all bets are off!

For some reason I can see Bert and Ernie going tanning and doing laundry, but I doubt I’d catch them at the gym since they seem pretty doughy. Maybe The Situation and Pauly D. have inspired them to tone up for beach season or bathtub season in their case? Oscar seems to fit right in. He’s chillin’ in a trash can that has an “I Heart Jersey” sign on it, and I’m sure he’ll be quite happy since we’ve got a helluva lot of trash here in Jersey. They really should’ve got the Muppets in on this and asked Miss Piggy if she wanted to be Snooki.

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In the t-shirt pictured above, It looks like Cookie Monster turned red from too much tanning and had a sex change. I always thought Cookie Monster was male but seeing him as Snooki Monster has me worried. I hope Cookie Monster didn’t go and have any weird Muppet operation. I realize it’s only a play on words but who knows, right? Do you have a direct line into Cookie Monster’s personal affairs? Does he tell you his innermost feelings? Maybe he was never comfortable as himself and he engorges himself with COOOOOOKIES to help alleviate his misery. Until you truly know Cookie Monster then don’t make any assumptions! If he wants to have an operation to become a pudgy, tanned guidette who eats pickles instead of cookies, then so be it. We love you either way Cookie Monster.

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.54: Hatchet

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Samuel Barrat a.k.a Shapiro Driver’s License in HATCHET

In Hatchet (2006), the character of the pseudo filmmaker scumbag Shapiro (Joel Murray) was somewhat of a genius if you ask me! Shapiro went around with a video camera recording hot “Girls Gone Wild” type exploits of Misty and Jenna who frequently flashed their goods to the camera.

Shapiro convinced airhead girls that he was a film producer so he could amass his own little porn collection. He was basically a hornball whose name really wasn’t Shapiro after all. There’s nothing worse than a guy who goes around calling himself a filmmaker when he’s actually never worked on an actual film before, but I guess I can let it slide since low budget porn does actually count.

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“So he really didn’t work for Bayou Beavers?” – Misty

In this quick scene, Ben (Joel Moore) finds Shapiro’s wallet. Inside there was an American Excess credit card, $10 bucks, a condom, and a couple of business cards. Ben also pulls out his drivers license to discover that he’s really Samuel Barrat from Newark NJ! He must have been pretty desperate for girls to film if he had to travel all the way down to New Orleans. We also find out that Barrat is a senior marketing manager for Whitman Diagnostics located in Hoboken, NJ. Of course, that was before Victor Crowley made him a headless marketing manager.

Hatchet Shapiro
Northeastern areas of NJ have the (201) area code