New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.57: The Hurricane

The Hurricane MovieAs I sit at my computer I can barely concentrate due to the violent winds firing a barrage of liquid bullets at my windows. Weather reports have supposedly downgraded the storm but it seems like we are experiencing a full fledged hurricane. The President and Governor have declared a state of emergency in New Jersey and the surrounding areas. About a million people have evacuated our shore towns. Casinos have been shut down for only the 3rd time in over 30 years. So, while I still have power and Internet service, I’d like to recommend some appropriate viewing in case you are looking for something to watch since you’re probably stuck indoors for the next day or so.

Despite accusations of it not being absolutely historically accurate, I still recommend you check out 1999’s “The Hurricane,” which features another first rate performance by Denzel Washington. Washington was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Actor and also took home a Golden Globe award for his work in the film and his turn was also lauded by Roger Ebert as being “on a par with his work in Malcom X.”

The biographical film of middleweight boxer Rubin “Hurricane” Carter’s life works best if you aren’t too familiar with his unfortunate story. Carter was wrongly convicted for a murder in Paterson, New Jersey in 1966 and spent 20 years in prison for it. It’s a compelling and tense drama filled with emotional performances and engrossing boxing sequences. The film also stars Deborah Unger, Liev Schreiber, Rod Steiger, Dan Hedaya, David Paymer, Debbi Morgan, and Vincent Pastore.

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A few interesting facts about the film:

– Bob Dylan’s 1975 protest song “Hurricane” is featured on the soundtrack and according to Wikipedia, Dylan visited Carter in prison and later wrote the song.

– Thanks to the film’s IMDB profile, the filming locations included East Jersey State Prison (Rahway Prison), Paterson NJ, and Trenton NJ.

– The picture of Malcolm X used in the film is actually a picture of Denzel Washington from the film Malcolm X.

Dania Ramirez is August’s Garden State Playmate!

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Did you know there was a made for TV prequel to Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion? Well, Dania Ramirez did because she was in it, proving that actors have to take the crap roles to get to the better ones. Now, this Dominican dame can look back and laugh at some of the movies she starred in like Romy and Michele: In the Beginning and Fat Albert.

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I first saw Ramirez as A.J’s Dominican girlfriend Bianca in The Sopranos and was surprised to find out that she went to college in New Jersey. Ramirez graduated Montclair State University in 1999 where she was a standout volleyball player. During that time she continued pursuing her dream of becoming an actress and model. Before gaining mainstream notoriety, Ramirez appeared in several music videos including ones from Jay-Z and LL Cool J.

Early in her career Ramirez appeared in the film 25th Hour starring Ed Norton which lead to several larger roles. Eventually, she became well known with fanboys/girls when she played Caridad in the last season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Callisto in X-Men: The Last Stand, and Maya on NBC’s Heroes. Also, if you’re a fan of HBO’s Entourage you will recognize her as Alex, Turtle’s girlfriend.

It looks like Hollywood’s next craze will be late ’90s and early 2000’s nostalgia flicks. What makes me think that? Well, next for Ramirez is a part in the next NOT straight to DVD installment of American Pie: American Reunion.

Perfect Age of Rock n Roll Premieres!

In theaters and ON Demand August 5th!

Long time readers of The Sexy Armpit will recall me posting about the film The Perfect Age of Rock n Roll. I’m excited to announce that the film is finally getting it’s official release! I was lucky enough to see it a few years back at a private screening and be the first to review the film. After tracking the evolution of the film and hearing about it’s awards at film fests and other positive feedback, I’m pleased that it will finally be released for all to see. Congratulations to Scott Rosenbaum, Joe White, and the rest of the cast and crew who poured their heart and “Lost Soulz” into this project.

The Perfect Age of Rock n Roll is about the erratic relationship between 2 band mates (Jason Ritter and Kevin Zegers) and how their music has brought them back together on a journey across the country. On the way they discover their rock and roll roots as well as get involved with the same woman (Taryn Manning). As I said in my review, this ain’t the Partridge Family! The title of the film represents the idyllic age of 27, an age at which many famous rock musicians died such as Hendrix, Joplin, and Morrison to name a few.

If you’re a music fan, especially rock, metal and the blues, you will dig this movie. It’s for guys and girls alike so you can watch it with your boyfriend or girlfriend. The original songs on the soundtrack by Steve Conte and Andrew Hollander kick so much ass and I recommend downloading them for a reasonable price on iTunes. After seeing the movie the songs will definitely be stuck in your head.

For the Jersey aficionados like me, many scenes were filmed in Jersey. You might not realize that Jersey isn’t all fist pumping and juiced up guidos, we also offer line dancing and mechanical bull rides at The Colorado Cafe, which happens to serve as one of the clubs the band plays at in the film. The film’s co-writer is New Jersey born Jasin Cadic who is also the lead signer of the metal/industrial band Star Killer and the director of The Dirty Pearls latest video for “Who’s Coming Back To Who.” Be sure to check it out in the comfort of your own home ON Demand on August 5th!

For showtimes, tickets, and to download the free poster:

TRANSFORMERS: Robots in New Jersey! Part 1 – Pine Barrens

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In the Transformers episode “Make Tracks,” the Megatron and the Decepticons steal hundreds of cars and attempt to turn them into drones to add to their powerful squad of evil robots. Tracks, the Autobot, poses as a stolen car and discovers the Decepticons remote facility that changes the stolen cars in the Pine Barrens of New Jersey. The Pine Barrens are made up of over a million acres of protected forest area, so this was a perfectly diabolical scheme. No one could possibly hear or see a gigantic space age industrial plant that creates Transformers in the middle of a forest that is intersected by two major highways. Gee, great plan Megatron! Way to go!

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OPTIMUS PRIME: “Hmm, he might have been heading for New Jersey and the Pine Barrens” 
POWERGLIDE: “Pine Barrens? What’s there?”
OPTIMUS PRIME: “That’s what we’re gonna find out, Powerglide”

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Of course Optimus and his Autobots save the day, but if you’d like to watch the 2nd half of the episode that is based in New Jersey, it’s posted below. Thanks to YouTube user Bernard9782 has made it happen. Thanks to the Transformers Wiki, an unbelievable source for all kinds of minute Transformers tidbits.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgYJA6ucjSc?rel=0]

Why I Traded Transformers for Megan Fox

Jay Getting Optimus Prime
That’s me receiving Optimus Prime as a birthday gift

Through the years it was easy to get bogged down in the excessive amount of Transformers incarnations through the years. I have to give credit to the property though, it’s enjoyed a long evolution and hasn’t ever really gone away.

Transformers would not have enjoyed the same type of resurgence if the 2007 big screen adaptation was never released. I doubt there would be the same type of clamor for Transformers stuff if Michael Bay never got his filthy rich hands on them. But what has shocked me most about the franchise is how much of a difficult time I recently had getting into the original ’80s animated series. I noticed that Hub network has been airing reruns of the original Transfomers. Just for nostalgic purposes and for the fact that the 3rd Transformers film, Dark of the Moon, is being released, I set a couple of episodes on my DVR and tried watching them.

As much as I felt I would be in for some ’80s fun, sadly, the episodes were borderline boring and even a bit hard to understand. Although I’m a sucker for old cartoons, especially those I loved as a kid, going back and watching Transformers just didn’t hold my attention at all. Expecting a 25 year old cartoon to enthrall and entertain me seems totally unrealistic, but even the silliest episodes of He-Man and She-Ra still mesmerize me. It’s a shame too because I was a fan of Transformers as a kid, and so were most of my friends, since we were the Prime (pun intended) audience for it. I had my Transformers lunchbox and a bunch of the toys, but it was never a full on obsession for me.

Attempting to pretend like I was a transforming robot was awkward and not nearly as fun as holding aloft my magic sword and becoming the most powerful man in the universe. Now, I know that a lot of people will vehemently disagree with my sentiments, but I have my reasoning. Subconsciously perhaps, I made more of a connection with human or human-like characters. I always preferred GI Joe over Transformers and although I enjoyed Thundercats immensely too, He-Man and She-Ra always edged them out if I had to choose what show I liked better.

In my eyes, the best part of the original animated Transformers series is Megatron. he was the reason I watched the show. I always liked villains and I appreciated how he looked, sounded, and acted in the original series way better than how he is in these new films. That’s not to say I didn’t also love Optimus Prime. What boy in the ’80s didn’t think Optimus Prime was awesome? He’s the quintessential character of the franchise. Even in the new films he still kick ass. The hero has a modernized look but is thankfully still voiced by the iconic Peter Cullen. Anyone else would be 2nd rate.

Regardless of how the original series holds up, the film franchise and even the recent Transformers Prime are both well done and easy to get into especially if I was 7 years old right now. I have yet to watch Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen, so hopefully I’ll get to it before Dark of the Moon disappears from theaters, which will probably be in about 3 weeks. Then it’s straight to DVD and Bluray by the end of August. Maybe if Megan Fox played her cards right she’d be in Dark of the Moon and I’d make it more of a priority. Damn her and her Hitler comments. Funny how when I was a kid, I wanted Optimus Prime, and now I need Megan Fox to hold my attention.

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.55: Nearing Grace

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Scott Sommer’s 1979 novel Nearing’s Grace may have had more impact back then, especially to a young teen male audience. I would wager that more male teens read books back then, before being inundated with computers, video games, and porn in the mid ’90s. The 2005 film adaptation Nearing Grace is set in South Orange, NJ, so as Dr. Evil would say, I’m going to “…throw it a frickin’ bone.” All you need to know about this film lies in that cheesy, overused, but awfully accurate movie description, “a coming of age tale.”

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It’s 1978 and Henry Nearing is a teen coping with the loss of his mother. Since his father and brother are drinking and abusing drugs to cope with her death, the only shoulder he has to lean on is the girl next door. Ashley Johnson, the actress who made me want to plant the remote control into my skull as little Chrissy Seaver on Growing Pains, plays Merna, a girl who adores Henry. She’s his loyal friend and has always been there for him, but Henry’s got a boner for Grace (Jordana Brewster of Fast and the Furious) who he thinks is hot, mysterious, and exciting, but is basically a total skank. Look, we all make the mistake of falling for the wrong person, Henry was just thinking with his dick.

The story was not compelling which translated to a bland film. It’s hard to blame director Rick Rosenthal (Halloween II, Halloween Resurrection, Smallville) since the film seems to be faithful to the novel. Even though I’ve never read the book, the entire film gave me a sense that it had to have been based off a book. I wanted desperately for the film to be one of those cool undiscovered gems, but it lacked a certain edge that other films and TV shows set in the ’70s have. For instance Almost Famous, Dazed and Confused, and even That ’70s Show, all evoked the vibe of that era. I’m not the only one who felt this way. In an October 16th 2006 review, Morgan-23 on IMDB “…didn’t feel one way or another about it.”

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Nearing Grace does offer a heartwrenching performance by David Morse (Disturbia) as Henry’s father, and the kid from BIG, David Moscow, seemed to be channeling Jeff Spicoli as Henry’s stoner brother. The real highlight of the film is the fantastic soundtrack. Unfortunately it doesn’t rescue this film from the depths of downerville. You’ll hear The Kinks, The Ramones, Tommy James and The Shondells, and The Velvet Underground among other bands.

For a teen drama set in the late ’70s Nearing Grace is everything it sets out to be. The only thing it’s not is fun. I would recommend this one only if you were an angsty teen back in the late ’70s OR Jordana Brewster gives you rumblings in your utility belt. And for those interested in the New Jersey aspect of the film, it’s very slight and lacks authenticity because it was actually filmed in Portland, Oregon.

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.51: The Other Guys

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While gathering evidence to crack a case, NYPD cops Terry and Allen (Wahlberg and Ferrell) must cross the river over to New Jersey to pay a visit to the Gretchel and Dawson accounting firm in Fair Lawn, NJ. This scene in 2010’s The Other Guys was actually not filmed in Jersey but Wahlberg’s character did reference Jersey:

TERRY: “It looks like we’re going to Jersey to visit an accounting firm, that’s a shitty day.”

Just because you’re reading a guy’s blog about Jersey nonsense doesn’t automatically mean he has a hard on for Kevin Smith movies. OK, it does mean exactly that, but so what? You can mouse on over to the back arrow on your browser and take a lightning fast trip (depending on your ISP of course) back to wherever you came from if you don’t like it. And NO, this post isn’t about Brody Bruce, Silent Bob, Randal, Trish the Dish, Holden McNeil or any of Smith’s host of signature characters. It’s about a cop film that Kevin Smith was supposed to direct if the studio’s original plan came to fruition. Needless to say, it didn’t, and Smith went on to direct a very similar, non-Kevin Smith film called Cop Out, which I found to be way more entertaining than it’s sub-par doppelganger, The Other Guys.

Adam Mckay directed The Other Guys with a mega budget while Smith directed Cop Out on an insanely meager budget in comparison. Merely teaming cinema favorites Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg together did not guarantee success considering the big ongoing joke of the movie is a reference to the female R and B group TLC. That was the best material writers Adam McKay and Chris Henchy could come up with? Do Hollywood writers just get together and type up whatever they were making jokes about the night before while getting stoned? “…Heyyyy…duuuude…you remember TLC?” “Yeeeahhhh maaan they were some hot ladies.”

In Cop Out, a film that beat The Other Guys to theaters, Bruce Willis’ finesse and Tracy Morgan’s intrinsic comedic timing win this battle by a landslide. In The Other Guys, Wahlberg’s character Terry was kind of odd and by no means should he be doing comedy unless he’s reprimanding Andy Samberg on SNL for doing impressions of him. As always, Ferrell is funny during his random outbursts back into “The Gator,” a nickname from his days as a pimp.

In Hollywood’s continued pursuit of being completely unoriginal, they decided to rehash ’80s cop movies like Lethal Weapon and 48 Hours. Even with terrible material to work with Ferrell was amusing as a geeky cop who also designs phone apps in his spare time yet scores ridiculously hot chicks. The odd couple relationship between Terry and Allen is more often annoyingly realistic than funny. I must admit that there are some people who make me want to smash my computer into the ground like Terry did, but the effect came off the same as the relief of a squishy stress ball rather than providing over the top laughter.

The Other Guys’ NYPD Captain Gene Mauch is also a part time manager at Bed Bath and Beyond. Fortunately for us, he is played by Michael Keaton. I was glad to see Keaton doing comedy once again, since that’s where he thrives. And yes, I got it, he’s totally unaware of the existence of the group TLC.

Even though it feels as if it just rolled off the assembly line, The Other Guys is worth a rental because it does have a few strong points. Two creatively directed scenes look as if they are straight out of a music video. The first is a still life scene where Terry and Allen are in a bar getting shitfaced and everyone in the bar looks like they are made of mannequins or wax statues. The other is an action scene toward the end where Terry and Allen barge in on a meeting and it turns into a shootout. You might also appreciate that it’s a very New York movie. Look for several breathtaking shots of the Manhattan skyline.

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The Creepy Karate Kid Coincidence

Sexy Armpit's Karate Kid Coincidence

“Yeah, but 3 was awesome because it had the twist that Daniel was getting trained by Terry Silver in the Cobra Kai dojo,” said my friend Frank as he defended 1989’s 3rd installment of The Karate Kid saga. Yes, the actual Karate Kid, with Ralph Macchio, not Will Smith’s son and especially not Hilary Swank. “OK, but 2 had the typhoon which was intense,” boasted Dave who was more passionate about watching Danielsan’s trip to Okinawa than his adventurous attempts at uprooting an innocent bonsai tree. “In 3 I like how they tied in the detail that John Kreese was in the war, it worked nicely.” Meanwhile my mind was regurgitating all the awful, scarring memories of when Elisabeth Shue abandoned me. After all, I was one of her loyal prepubescent admirers and then as if she learned some secret ninja shit, she vanished and was nowhere to be found in the sequels.
As usual, I was the one who incited this debate. So, over a few beers, I decided to gauge some of my best friends’ opinions on the Karate Kid films. I was even nice enough to preface my upcoming topic to my cohorts with a very brief overview of how Empire Strikes Back is largely regarded amongst Star Wars fans and movie goers as the best of the Star Wars films. The same usually goes for The Godfather Part 2 and several other movies as well, it’s just that no one ever paid either of the Karate Kid sequels the respect they deserve by officially burying one of them. 
“Since the original Karate Kid is the far superior film in the saga, which of sequels is the best?” I asked them. On this particular night I was in a very “3” mood and was basically in agreement with Frank if it weren’t for the fact that the venerable William Zabka did not appear in it. Other times, such as right after I saw Karate Kid Part 2 in the summer of 1986, (at the now defunct and dilapidated Amboy Multiplex Cinema in Sayreville) I was riding it’s excitement and naturally a huge proponent of The Karate Kid Part 2. But as Batman said in another less lauded film sequel, Batman Returns, “…Things change.”

As we continued to mull over the high and lows of the saga, we examined each film’s minute details which were otherwise ignored, traded barbs, and also inadvertently made jokes to the point where I couldn’t breathe because I was laughing so hard. That’s when something happened that halted The All Valley Giggle Fest 2011.

…DING! 
At that very second, a loud bell broke the laughter. It was my iPhone notifying me of a new text message. I leaned over to the coffee table and I was momentarily stunned after I read it’s eerily timed message. I showed my friends, and as we stood there dumbfounded with our mouths hanging open, we all simultaneously turned into “Ted” Theodore Logan and gave a collective “WHOA!”

Nick Text Message

It’s not unlike Sexy Armpit writer Nick “N.J” Holden to text me famous movie quotes at random times, but this one made me feel like he should be Pete Venkman’s next guest on World of The Psychic! I wasn’t sure if it was just a one off movie line or whoever was possessing Nick wanted to continue going back and forth. For a few seconds I felt that if we came back with the wrong line some death machine like in a SAW movie would come out and torture us. Nah, it was just Nick…or was it? Is his cell phone equipped with GPS and ESP? We continued sending back the follow up lines as if we were defending our honor in a karate tournament.

6 Last Minute Gift Ideas from Paul Blart: Mall Cop

If you are a living, breathing homosapien and you saw 2009’s Paul Blart: Mall Cop, chances are you thought it was a piece of crap. Even though it made an assload of money at the box office, it was critically panned. As you might have suspected, I was one of the people who actually liked it. I have an affinity for “stupid funny” and Kevin James is a master of that art. His love interest in the film, Jayma Mays, was looking cute like a young Goldie Hawn. At least for me, Paul Blart was easier to swallow than the weirder mall security movie, Observe and Report, which was released a few months later. Paul Blart: Mall Cop was set in West Orange, New Jersey but was actually filmed in Massachusetts because the production company was denied a permit to film in Willowbrook Mall in Wayne, New Jersey.

Enough of the minutia, if you’re looking for some last minute gift ideas and you don’t feel like kidnapping your cousin-in-law’s boss, here’s a few ideas plucked straight from the DVD of Paul Blart: Mall Cop.

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6) A PINK PUSH UP BRA FROM VICTORIA’S SECRET – Victoria’s Secret has risen to the level of Tiffany’s in that every girl loves to get something from either store. You could buy the sluttiest little lingerie ensemble, but when they see the tag that says Victoria’s Secret, they’ll be anxious to try it on for you.

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5) A WIG – Jayma Mays looks great in all kinds of wigs and I’m sure your girl will too. Cosplay is more popular than ever so why not play dress up once in a while? A Pink wig works wonders, and hell…what about a Blue Katy Perry type wig? It’ll transform your lady into an enticing celebrity in no time.

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4) A SEGWAY HUMAN TRANSPORTER – You’re already in debt so what’s another $6,000 to $11,000 bucks? You can ride girls around the mall on the ol’ seg and then their phone numbers will seamlessly find their way into your pocket in no time. It’ll be a piece of cake…or pie with peanut butter slathered on it!

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3) CELL PHONE BLING – jewels for a cell phone are a cheap and easy stocking stuffer. Although extremely gaudy, many girls like these peel and stick rhinestone phone accessories.

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2) A REALLY EXPENSIVE PEN – Even in this digital age, everyone still has to sign their name once in a while so why not shock the kid behind the counter with your pretentious taste in pens? More specifically the Summit 5280 Fountain Pen that the douchebag Stuart (Stephen Rannazzisi) is pushing. It makes you feel like you have a little piece of heaven between your fingers.

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1) ROCK BAND – Whether it’s 1, 2, or 3, it really doesn’t matter. They are all awesome and fun, especially when playing and singing along to KISS’ “Detroit Rock City,” like Paul Blart does while all alone in the mall arcade.

Dine-In Theaters? AMC’s Newest Movie Theater Concept

AMC Dine-In

Last week I was asked to attend a special blogger preview night at the newest AMC Dine-In Theater at Menlo Park Mall in Edison, NJ. It sounded like a request for free advertising, but I had my reasoning for showing up there. It was a total trip for me to see this theater after it’s makeover since I actually worked there for nearly 5 years. I had some of the best times of my life there believe it or not, and I met a bunch of people that have become life long friends. What seemed like an easy part time job throughout high school and some of college was truly an awesome experience, so I felt like I needed to check out what they’ve done to my old digs. It was great to see that the structure and layout has stayed primarily the same, but what has changed is the fact that the traditional movie theater will soon be extinct.

AMC DIne-In

Specially selected AMC Theaters are transforming into a place where you can watch a film, get tanked, and eat dinner all while chilling on a cozy leather recliner. At first I really wasn’t interested since what once was my favorite hobby, going to the local theater to watch a movie, has become an annoyance. Nowadays I’d rather watch movies at home, either selected from my obscene amount of DVD’s and Blu-rays or from Netflix and the nearby Redbox. My worn-in couch and all the little minor luxuries of home make going to the movies a big chore, so this concept is a tough sell for me and I’ll explain why.

AMC Dine-In

Dinner and a movie used to be one of the simplest dates you could go on. Now, even if you want to take your lady out for dinner and a romcom you wind up waiting 30 minutes at the restaurant for a seat, and then once you get to the movies and sit in the theater some a-hole is talking nonstop behind you and kicking the back of your chair. Combining the experience streamlines the process in terms of time and money. Obviously, no theater gimmick will get rid of the talking a-holes with the leg spasm, they will always be there; but this new Dine-In concept may improve theater going in some respects while making it worse in others.

If I’m going to get really comfy, I don’t want to do it at Menlo Park Mall. Once I get comfortable, I fall asleep. So, inviting me to come into your theater to kick back in an easy chair and conk the f*ck out is not the best plan, especially if you want my tab to get paid by close of business! Terrible idea people! Are they supplying woobies too?

AMC Dine-In
The old box office and business office is now a lounge area with LCD screens

First off, I hate hearing people eat when I’m trying to pay attention to a movie, unless of course, I’m also eating at the same time, then I’m not paying attention to them at all. If the theater is mostly quiet and some couple are chowing down on crunchy nachos beside me, I would want to scratch my eyeballs out. If I was trying to watch a movie and get distracted because someone in front of me is ordering their fifth Mojito and a giant sized portion of lobster ravioli and the server is in my view of the screen I would really freak out in my mind.

I am very particular when I watch things. It’s not so much that I am missing something it’s that old general principle of being quiet in a library. You can wolf down food and domestic beers with your friends at a bar, you can bullshit with your yenta sister in law at your house during the holidays, but I believe in a calm and cool attitude in a theater. It’s a time to relax.

I already mentioned the leather recliners, but there’s also airline style “seat side service buttons” that alert a waiter or waitress that you want to order some grub. That’s a red light for me. Imagine how many people are going to abuse that one. Do they provide puke buckets too? Because when those cougars start getting all up on those raspberry martinis and horning it up over Mark Wahlberg, those poor ushers are going to have some cleaning up to do.

AMC Dine-In
A full wet bar and cocktail lounge has taken the place of the old rarely used front concession stand

How do you feel about Dine-In Movie Theaters? Can’t wait to go or your ass will be staying on the couch? Let us know in the comments!

The AMC Dine-In Theater at Menlo Park Mall in Edison, NJ officially opens to the public this Friday and also feature upscale Cinema Suites.


AMC Menlo Park 12 Dine-In Theater
390 Menlo Park Mall
Edison, New Jersey