Monster Mania Con 11 at Crowne Plaza, Cherry Hill New Jersey 8/23/08

Whenever a Horror or Pop Culture convention rolls through town I always wind up missing it. I used to make it an event and go with my Dad every year but as I got older and actually started working full time, the weekend became a time to cram everything in that I neglect during the week. Even though weekends are busy, I’m realizing life is too short and I should be doing things that I enjoy. If going to a concert is the best way for me to spend my hard earned cash, then blowing the rest of it at a convention is a close runner up. In fact, not only did I make it to a convention this weekend, but as soon as I got back from my near hour drive I was off to Crue Fest at the PNC Bank Arts Center. Talk about a jam packed day of pop culture!

Chiller Theatre is the most well known Horror & Nostalgia show in the Tri-State area. It attracts a slew of actors, musicians, and personalities from horror movies and pop culture. Another convention that has made a big name for itself in the past several years is Monster Mania. Monster Mania took place at the Crowne Plaza in Cherry Hill and featured Robert Englund, A Lost Boys Reunion, and a Halloween Reunion.

Getting overwhelmed at one of these shows is ridiculously easy. If you’ve never been to one I’d actually advise you to NOT bring too much cash because you WILL unload it ALL! There’s so many vendors and sellers that have copious amounts of “stuff.” It all happens to be “stuff” that you NEED! From obscure bootleg horror movies to rare action figures and magazines, you will find it all at a convention. It’s almost like a flea market except it only sells the coolest crap. When walking around one of these events you might forget eBay ever existed because everything you ever wanted, and everything you didn’t even realize you wanted is all there spread out in the hotel’s convention centers. And oh…did I mention the celebs? Ok, we’re not talking A-listers like George Clooney but people who are much closer to our hearts. You might want to take your picture with Freddy Krueger himself, Robert Englund. He’s such a cool guy that he’ll put the glove on and ham it up as Freddy in your picture. That’s a photo op that you’ll tell people about for the rest of your life! Adam West did a similar thing for me also. The personalities that appear at these events are usually people who love to interact with their fans.

The real grabber for me, aside from The Two Coreys, was Danielle Harris. I spent most of my life having a major crush on her. One of the main reasons is because I used to watch the Halloween 4 and 5 and I related to her since we were almost the same age. I remained a fan through the movies that followed although they weren’t big budget films nor were they easy to find. The overlooked Killer Bud actually became one of my favorites. Who knew that she’d have such a resurgence with Rob Zombie’s Halloween? When I found out that she would be coming back for the Zombie version I turned into a smitten little bitch all over again. I was waiting for her name to appear on the guest list at one of these horror conventions and sure enough, she was signed on to appear at Monster Mania along with some of the other stars of the Halloween series.

When I met her, I told Danielle that I brought her a Sexy Armpit T-Shirt, which was based off my blog. She actually said that it was really cool because she wears shirts people give her alot and the tank she was wearing was actually from a fan also. Danielle was cool enough to take a picture with me holding the shirt.

I never thought I’d say that I got to meet Corey Haim and Corey Feldman considering that I’ve seen basically all of their movies collectively. That’s a difficult task since there’s so many films that they’ve done which no one’s ever heard of. I haven’t just seen those, I own them. That’s how much of a dork I am. If you grew up in the ’80s and were young enough to think these guys were cool then you know what I mean. Heck, anyone who was always on the cover of Bop and Teen Beat were considered cool. It didn’t matter if you were a guy or a girl, you appreciated that crew. If it was Nicole Eggert or Alyssa Milano, or The Two Corey’s it was almost a prerequisite to revere them. If not, then you probably weren’t the right age. All I know is, their movies were all anyone my age talked about for a few years. Then it all got weird. Just like with Danielle Harris, I remained a fan.

Getting to meet The Two Corey’s was possibly the closest thing to surreal as it gets. For a kid who knows all their lines to their movies and used to mimic the things they did, I still can’t believe that I was talking to them face to face. I wasn’t really excited though, it was more weird than anything. I almost wet my pants when I met Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue but meeting The Two Corey’s just made me feel like I was having an outer body experience. I guess the possibility of meeting them never even crossed my mind.

I can’t say it was a let down, but Haim is out of his mind and Feldman is kind of a dick. Suzie just liked to horn in on Feldman’s every word and interaction. She was noticeably agitated that I was ignoring her and talking it up with her husband who’s actually talented. Thanks Yoko. I bet The Two Corey’s would still be on the air if it weren’t for you! I don’t give a crap if you were in Playboy! You’re mooching off the fame of one part of The Corey’s. Now that’s pretty much sabotaging yourself.

It was definitely hard to come up with something to say to these two. I knew I’d mention one of my favorite Feldman roles but Haim seemed so drugged up that he wasn’t even making much sense. Perhaps it’s true that all the years of drugs actually did fuck him up so bad that he has a major slur. Who knows. All I know is Haim told the kid before me in line that he was “very close to getting Robin.” That meant that he was in the contention for the role of Robin in the Batman film franchise. As far as I know there’s no plans for Robin in future Batman films AT ALL, so maybe I could get the role of Nightwing if I take whatever pills he had in his system!

As for Feldman, I tried to throw him a joke but he wasn’t too receptive. You would think he’d appreciate that some guy respects his work so much that he remembers a minor role he had from 1988 (Ricky Butler from “The ‘burbs”). I didn’t want to be like everyone else and talk about The Goonies. In fact, alot of the people were pulling the exact thing that he hated by asking him to say certain lines from some of his movies. That is kind of rude in a way because he’s not a sideshow, at least show him that much respect. I think I might react the way he did if I was put on the spot like that. The girl before me asked him to say a certain line from one of his films and he got noticeably perturbed and said “c’mon that was 20 years ago.” Damn these guys are bitter aren’t they?

I don’t think there’s such thing as a child star curse. I think it’s that certain people just can’t cope with not having fame. Fame provides them with self worth and that’s the unhealthy part. Who knows, they may not turn to drugs or create shitty bands like The Truth Movement if they truly loved themselves. Regardless of seeing how fucked up they really are, it was cool to meet them and I’ll never abandon their movies!

How can I forget to mention what I bought at Monster Mania? I picked up a fantastic Toxic Avenger box set at the Troma Films table. I’ve been trying to track down the complete set of Toxie films and I wanted to make sure that they had the ENTIRE animated series included as well. This box set has it all so I was happy to plunk down the cash for it, otherwise it would sit on my amazon wishlist forever.

Among all the fanboys and girls and just plain horror freaks, I noticed a lot of awesome tattoos. One nasty giantess wearing fishnets and an uncomfortably skimpy black number had a tattoo on her arm of David Bowie’s “Jareth” from Labyrinth. I would’ve commended her on it, but she scared the hell out of me and she was kinda gross! Luckily this girl was able to wash the bad taste out of my mouth:
She had a kickass JEM tattoo that I noticed from about 10 feet away! I went up to her like my usual psycho self and said “yo! cool Jem tattoo! Can I take a picture?” She must’ve thought I was a weirdo, but who cares! lol.

If you haven’t made it out to a convention, make sure you experience one. You’ll have alot of fun, see alot of cool stuff for sale, and possibly meet some of your idols! What’s up next? Chiller Theatre!

Rob Zombie’s Hellbilly Halloween

Ahh, the wonders of eBay. White Zombie and Rob Zombie basically have the monopoly as far as artists go on my iPod’s Halloween playlist. Not that their music is “Halloween music” but it definitely fits. **”American Witch” off of his latest release Educated Horses get’s alot of play.

Back in 1998, Rob Zombie released his solo album Hellbilly Deluxe. I was always a big White Zombie fan and it blew my mind to hear how amazing Rob Zombie’s solo album was. Alot of the marketing and merch surrounding the release of the album had some kickass artwork. This shirt was always one I was meaning to order but kept putting it off because it was usually around $30.00, which always seems high for a T-Shirt.

I forgot about getting the shirt for a long time, but a month or so ago I decided to see if any online T-Shirt shops had it, but with no luck. I went over to eBay and sure enough someone was selling a brand new one! I snatched it up and I’m glad I did even if my sole purpose was to drool over the artwork.

I really love the way Zombie is made into a ghoulish monster but still retains his actual appearance to an extent. I want to be a ghoul too, I wish I could draw! In this artwork we also see a Wolf-Man, a Mummy woman, a ghost, and a hunchback. The artist seemed to have given the picture a Halloween vibe since there’s pumpkins, a bat, a black cat, and lots of cobwebs in the background.

Trick or Treating with Mr. Mom

The other blogs that have featured Halloween “blogathons” don’t seem to be letting up steam. While they’re continuing to annihilate us with great posts, I’ll feature some mediocre posts for the days leading up to Halloween. I plan on featuring more random Halloween related stuff but I’ve pretty much blown all my good material already. Some of the topics I was geared up to write about have already been beaten to death or I realized it wasn’t that interesting in the first place.

I don’t know about you, but I desperately want to be way more into the Halloween mood but it’s not working! Working for a living really puts a damper on being a kid again. Hopefully this weekend I’ll be able to watch a bunch of horror movies and get into the spirit.

Above, I posted a moment from one of my favorite movies of all time, Mr. Mom (1983). In this scene, Jack (Michael Keaton) takes his kids out to trick or treat while his wife goes away on business. Jack’s son Alex (Chip on Kate & Allie) is dressed as a cowboy and his brother Kenny looks like a medieval knight. Jack’s wife’s friend Joan (Ann Jillian) is looking foxy as hell and Annette (Miriam Flynn) has a kickass vintage E.T mask on. Even though Mr. Mom isn’t a Halloween movie, I always associated this scene with the holiday because it reminded me of how awesome Halloween was when I was a kid.

Haunted Hayride of Terror

With Halloween approaching I realized that I’ve never been on a haunted hayride before and that needed to change. On Friday night we headed down to Marlboro N.J to check out the “Haunted Hayride of Terror” and the Haunted barn. It was a cool autumn night and there were a lot of people showing up to get scared which reminded me of how Halloween should be!

If you think to yourself “How is a barn going to be scary?” There were no slaughtered hens or pigs scattered all over the place, but they did the place up nice. It was no Castle Dracula or the Haunted Houses you remember from your youth, but it had a spooky atmosphere. We wandered through the dark “barn” and finally came to a spinning tunnel through which we walked across a swaying catwalk. The spinning tunnel was a great effect and I enjoyed the feeling although if I stayed in there I felt the small glass of Jim Beam I had earlier in the night might’ve came up. We saw the usual setups, like the exorcist, and the crypt keeper. We also passed by skeleton pirates and at the end there was a real masked midget that jumped out at us who was doing a grand job of keeping still so we didn’t know he was real. There was no feeling of impending danger but the different animatronic setups were a throwback. It’s a little much when your walking through a local haunted attraction and all you encounter around corners are teenage kids donning various horror movie masks. To me that’s never scary. We did witness those exact kids when we went on the hayride.

After the barn a mess of people hopped on a big tractor that sat everyone on bails of hay which were actually comfortable. There were torches to light the way of the tractor driver as he slowly drove us through the woods. Scattered about the woods were various scary setups, some with live actors and some with fake bodies or skeletons. The live costumed actors would actually jump up onto the tractor and come try and scare each of us. One of the guys had a chainsaw, while another dressed like Michael Myers. At the end of the ride we stopped to take some “wacky” pictures of ourselves in the cardboard stand ups of Frankenstein and the Phantom of the Opera etc.

Halloween 1981

Last weekend I was looking through a box of old photos from Halloween’s past. These pictures become time machines for me. I came across quite a few that were taken at school during Halloween parades or just in the classroom. The one I’m posting today actually has nothing to do with me at all. This is Halloween 1981 and my sister dressed up as one of her favorite characters Holly Hobbie. The Wikipedia entry mentions that Hobbie was popular throughout the ‘70s, although I know for a fact she still held her own through the early ‘80s as well. Even though I was a little kid during that time I remember my sis loving Holly Hobbie.

In this photo my sister was one of the Holly Hobbies way in the back row. The Holly Hobbie closer to the front was actually “Evil Holly Hobby.” You can tell because she’s the one looking pissed off with her arms folded grumbling some crap about another girl dressing up as the same character. With more scrutiny we can see a lot of superhero representation here. There’s a possible Wonder Woman to the right of my sister in the back whose head is behind the kid with the red cloak. There’s a roaring Incredible Hulk in the front and then another poor Hulk stuck in the back biting his nails. He seems worried that he’s not as good as the proud ferocious Hulk who demands the spotlight. We can also pick out a few Spider Man costumes, a Superman, a kickass vintage Yoda costume, and finally an awesome Darth Vader with his mask up…dammit!
Leaving out the kids that make me giggle would be a crime. How about the little Asian boy with a cowboy hat on? (WWE fans: Is that Jimmy Wang Yang? was he foreseeing the future?) Is it even a cowboy hat? I totally don’t want to sound wrong but who are the kids in the front with the sheet over their head with their hats on supposed to be? The one in the front row’s face is being obstructed by the Incredible Ham Hulk who is raping the camera. You also can’t miss the innocent, friendly looking Snoopy. He doesn’t seem like that sarcastic, mischievous Snoopy we know from the cartoon. The ever-living Strawberry Shortcake makes an appearance as well as a nurse (yay).

Perhaps the winner for most enigmatic costume is the young New York Giant on the bottom left who is donning a #33. I have no idea who #33 was on the Giants back in the late ‘70s or early ‘80s. I’m going to assume that it was a generic N.Y Giants children’s costume with a random number on it unless one of the awesome Sexy Armpit readers can provide me with some answers! Lol. Oh, I saved the very best for last. On the right side, attached to the railing… is that a clown with an enormous fro, or is this supposed to be a character of some type?
I hope you enjoyed looking at some of these old-school costumes. Do you have any memories of these? If so, drop a comment! Especially if you know who the blonde guy is with the stars on his shirt. Evil Knievel? One of the Duke boys? I have a lot more Halloween related material coming your way here at TheSexyArmpit.com so stay tuned and as always, I appreciate you stopping by!

Skull Shot Glasses

I haven’t bought many Halloween decorations or knickknacks for my place but I couldn’t pass up these Skull Shot glasses. I can’t truly call them glasses because they’re made of plastic but they’re damn cool. When I finally moved out and bought my own place, the first thing I bought was a bar. I’m not even a big drinker but I love the whole aspect of it. Surprisingly, I have all the accessories but I never picked up shot glasses because I figured someone would’ve bought me wacky Batman or Pac-Man shot glasses. I never wound up getting any, but to be honest…how many shots am I going to be taking? Living on my own I don’t do much hardcore drinking, but shot glasses are a necessary item to have for a bar. It’s been a long time since I moved in and I figured it’s about time to finally get myself a set. In a total act of fate, I was walking around the local grocery store’s Halloween aisle and found these awesome Skull Shot glasses. I saw the typical pumpkin paper plates, fake spiders, and then some cool skull goblets. The goblets were cool but they were just larger versions of these shot glasses. Regardless, who would want a goblet made of plastic? If I’m going to get a goblet it better be borrowed from Lil’ John or from The Noble Collection or something. So, I opted for these fantastic $1.99 set of shot glasses.

Bet your ass these sexy additions to my bar will be used all year ‘round. Friends will start to come over just because they heard that I had Skull Shot glasses.

JAY: “Would you ladies like a drink?”
GUESTS: “F-yeah! We’ll take 2 shots of Tequila…but only if it’s out of your $1.99 set of skull shot glasses!”

To fill up my empty set of shot glasses, keeping with the orange theme, I picked up Saranac’s Orange Cream Soda. This version of Orange Cream soda was a let down. It’s orange flavor is so overpowering it might as well be an Orange Crush. They really skimped on the cream flavor and there’s a bit of rusty water type aftertaste to it. Sad to say, even the skull shot glass didn’t improve this overly sweet soda.

Elvis Reese’s and Jeff’s Orange Dream Soda

During this spooky time of year I feel right at home having a blog. When I check out all of my favorite blogs and websites many of them such as X-Entertainment and Brandedinthe80s.com feature countdowns where most of the posts throughout the month of October are Halloween related. This kicks alot of ass if you’re a fan of the holiday which I most definitely am. I’ve always been a huge fan of horror movies and thrillers and I’ve already started playing the Halloween playlist on my iPod which I spend all year tweaking because I’m a super geek. Unfortunately I’m not writing this to inform you that I’ll have a Halloween related post every day this month, but I’ll do my best. First you’ll notice that I’ve changed the header on the site. This is a classic scene from one of my favorite movies of all time, Ghostbusters. I don’t consider it a “Halloween” movie but Slimer and The Sexy Armpit are “perfect together.”

I usually associate the color orange with Halloween, most likely because of Pumpkins. So here we’ll take a look at 2 products that I’ve had within the last week or so that had orange packaging. I don’t care that they have nothing to do with Halloween, just go with it ok?

First we’ll take a look at the candy category with the limited edition Elvis Reese’s Peanut Butter and Banana Cups. A few months back I was really excited to hear that these were coming out. When my girl finally found them by chance at the local Wal-Mart I immediately tore into them. The miniature size had an effect on the taste because the difference in taste is obvious when you bight into a regular size peanut butter cup from a 2-pack. I think the peanut butter’s flavor and consistency tastes completley different than the miniature versions. Only the bottom of the cups have a banana flavor which wasn’t anything to write home about. It would’ve been better if they eliminated the chocolate altogether from these limited editions. Reese’s PB covered in all banana would’ve been a winner since it’s a more definitive flavor. Elvis didn’t have chocolate on his Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwiches so why’d they mess with a good thing?

The second product we’ll take a look at is Jeff’s New York Egg Cream in it’s special Orange Dream flavor. This is a creamy style soda that tastes like a Creamsicle. If you’ve never tasted an Egg Cream you’re really missing out. If you’re lactose intolerant then I feel sorry for you because these sodas are so unbelievably delicious. Jeff’s egg creams precisely replicates these old school sodas. If an “Egg Cream” sounds disgusting, it really isn’t since according to Wikipedia, they don’t contain egg or cream and they were basically described as a “poor man’s ice cream soda.Think Seltzer mixed with orange and vanilla cream and you have Jeff’s Orange Dream. I’ve also been a big fan of their plain vanilla flavor as well.

Film Review: Rob Zombie’s Halloween

I thought Rob Zombie might have overplayed his hand. Halloween hit theaters today and I was excited and intrigued by getting the chance to learn about Michael Myers back-story. Was the decision to delve into this killers past too risky? Would giving away too much of his early life make him less scary? At first, I thought it might have taken away from the big question mark that was Michael Myers. After all, Myer’s largely undefined past helps make him the ominous character he is. In this film it’s the realism of the character that makes him terrifying.

As I watched the plot develop it made so much sense when I understood where director Rob Zombie decided to go with the character. You may be a little bewildered by the mannerisms and unmanly behavior on the young Myers because he’s a character we know to be such a monster. All I can say is…have some patience. Early in the film we get to see so much striking footage of a young and messed up Michael Myers. I don’t want to give too much away, but he does some deranged things as a child and winds up in the mental institution where he’s cared for by Dr. Loomis (Malcolm McDowell). Loomis starts out long haired and youthful and as the film progresses we see Loomis in a more modern sense. (On a side note I left the theater and hopped in my car, only to have a white van with the company name of LOOMIS slapped right on the side of it!) The film advances periodically by one year and 10 year increments and then to the present. I enjoyed the jumps as it added not only to the sense of the plot but also the pacing.

Zombie used his “starting lineup.” You’ll see everyone from Sid Haig to Police Academy’s Sgt. Debbie Callahan! Bill Moseley turns up again and there’s even a cameo from The Monkee’s Micky Dolenz! Zombie’s wife Sherri Moon, who’s not playing Baby Firefly this time, turns in a potent performance as Michael Myers mother. For the past few months I’ve also been anticipating seeing Danielle Harris since she played Jamie in Halloween 4 & 5. Harris plays Laurie’s friend Annie. Annie’s a hot little number who has the honor of uttering one of the best lines an actress can ever say…“Ya wanna fuck me?” Harris’ delivery of that line will be ingrained in my head forever now. What is it with Zombie’s stuff that sticks in my head? I always have Baby’s line from House of 1,000 Corpses in my head: “You know we like to get fucked up?” And in White Zombie’s Thunderkiss ‘65 “I never try anything, I just do it. Want to try me?” Don’t be surprised if Harris’ “Ya wanna fuck me” sound byte turns up in one of Zombie’s songs. Hell I’d purposely write a song just as an excuse to use that sound byte. Ahh, Harris was such an innocent little girl. Now she’s topless and skanking it up for the majority of her performance. I love it. My one gripe is that all of the rumors lead me to believe that Sheri Moon was going to get naked but it didn’t happen. She does a stripping scene so I’m assuming there’s going to be an unrated DVD coming out with that scene extended for horn dogs like me. I had to settle for all the rest of the girls getting naked. It wasn’t so bad.

One of my favorite scenes that I think you should look out for is when Laurie and her friends are discussing the babysitting plan in order for Annie to be able to see her boyfriend. At that point Laurie sees Michael Myers standing by a tree staring at them for a moment. This scene is very reminiscent of a scene in the original film. Very creepy. Not to sound cliché but the finale is pretty damn pulse pounding. I was genuinely on the edge of my seat. Zombie did a fantastic job at reinventing Myers as a scary dude again.
If you didn’t enjoy House of 1,000 Corpses or The Devil’s Rejects and you’re worried about Zombie slashing the Halloween franchise to pieces don’t be scared! Zombie superbly captures the essence of the Halloween series while making it relevant again. The only thing I dread more than hiding from Michael Myers in an abandoned house is the thought of what producers are going to do with the franchise next. Zombie claims that he will not be part of any sequel or continuation, so this is a one time thing for him. Other horror films like Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Omen have been “re-imagined” but there’s no comparison. This version of Halloween is freakin’ phenomenal.

The Day the Candy Died

At work the other day we came into a windfall of Smarties. It was fun, it was like Halloween. I don’t eat candy a lot now that I’m all “grown up,” but I was a loyal fan of the candy when I was a kid. Smarties were a favorite of mine and I can’t count how many occasions Smarties wound up in my hands. We would get them in birthday party goody bags, on Halloween, and sometimes in a big-ass variety pack mom bought that was filled with candy. Smarties never changed the formula and always stayed true to themselves. The packaging, flavor, and consistency have stayed the same as long as I can remember. This means a lot in comparison with all the rest of the candy out there.
We stuffed our pockets with as much would fit. My coworker and I had lumpy asses. I haven’t had them in so long so I ripped into them immediately and they tasted awesome. There was actually different varieties like Tropical, which didn’t taste too much different than the original, and Bubble Gum! Now, I’m a big fan of the flavor bubble gum as in “Maglione’s Italian Ice Bubble Gum,” and I was hoping that the Smarties would taste similar. After I popped a bunch in my mouth and started chewing I realized that they actually turned into gum. A pretty BAD gum if I must say. It tasted like apples instead of bubble gum. Even worse, was that it was the type of weak gum that seems like your chewing a pansy ass gum that wears frilly violet shirts. I spit the damn gum out immediately. I couldn’t stand it.
It’s such a shame that Smarties has bowed to the pressures of society and started making all these different varieties. That’s the downfall of quality. Why make Reese’s with caramel, Reese’s with white chocolate, Reese’s with pudding, Reese’s cookies, Reese’s with pesto sauce, Reese’s with neon yellow peanut butter, Reese’s with her spoon, the list goes on and on. To all the candy companies: Start concentrating on the original and quit worrying about offshoots! Stop trying to spin-off your candy! Are you trying to make candy or jump the shark?
After checking out their website, I read that they’re a family owned company and they are made right in Union, New Jersey! Not that this makes me forget how awful their Smarties gum is, but it definitely puts them back in my good graces. But that didn’t last long as I continued to peruse their site and saw so many different kinds of Smarties to chose from. There’s even Smarties candy money! Let this be a lesson, stick to the basics. Once you start manufacturing X-Treme Sour Smarties, it’s disastrous!
And what’s with Nestle Chocolate Smarties clogging up search engines when I search for the REAL Smarties? F-them! Does anyone even like them?