t-shirt Archives - Page 9 of 14

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 39: Six Flags Great Adventure

Posted on February 10, 2010June 22, 2016 by sexyarmpit

This old school Six Flags Great Adventure shirt

is available at Smith and Pooter Vintage on eBay

Have you ever actually bought an old, used, smelly, stained t-shirt on eBay? Personally, I can’t say that I have, but there must be enough people out there who do because there sure are a ton of eBay stores that specialize in what they call “vintage” t-shirts. In this case, vintage is a word that makes old and worn out sound somewhat desirable. These t-shirts aren’t the trendy, distressed, logo tees that you see at Target labeled Large but only seem to fit boys in 3rd grade, rather they are from whatever year YOU were in the 3rd grade. In many households the next step for these tees is either the trash, or the nearest good will clothing bin. The Sexy Armpit would probably throw the better quality ones in the good will bin, while the shittiest one would be used to dust off old electronics. We are in America after all, a country where so many people out there think, “why can’t we make a buck off of these ancient rags rather than donate them to people who are less fortunate.” What complete douchebags.

The male model for Smith and Pooter Vintage, is apparently 6 feet tall and weighs 150 lbs. I’ll refrain from making assumptions about this guy’s character, but I will say that he has stupid hair. He definitely needs to start throwing back more White Castles or something because he looks emaciated. Of course, this shirt was originally a men’s large and now fits like a girls small, so this scrawny guy was a perfect choice to model this piece of shit shirt. Whoever you are, why do you buy this crap?

Armpit stains (even the best detergent can’t eradicate evil Armpit stains!), holes, more stains

Just remember folks, as bad as this economy has been, YOU DO NOT have to lower yourself to buy used t-shirts, nor do you ever have to accept a job creeping everyone out while modeling stinky old t-shirts on eBay. You should however, still have fun, and more flags=more fun, SIX FLAGS! Oh man, they should be paying me for that.

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 38: New Jersey Nets

Posted on February 3, 2010 by sexyarmpit

NJ Nets Charcoal Flame Thrower T-Shirt by Adidas

found at FootballFanatics.com

You have probably heard by now that the worst team in the NBA may be gracing Newark’s Prudential Center with their shittyness for the next 2 seasons. “THANK THE FRIGGING LORD!” said Izod Center earlier today. The deal is not completely official, it’s merely waiting to be passed by new Governor Chris Christie. No big loss, the Nets are OUTTA’ HERE and hauling their asses off to Brooklyn, NY in 2012. The question remains whether or not New Jersey will opt to attract another franchise from the NBA to The Garden State. With an embarrasing record of 4-42, I’m going with a resounding NO on that one. As far as I’m concerned Brooklyn is doing us a huge favor and we should cut our losses. Unless of course The Nets play the best two seasons in team history at The Prudential Center…then GO NETS!!!

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 37: Cake Boss

Posted on January 27, 2010 by sexyarmpit

Carlo’s Bake Shop T-Shirts available at www.carlosbakery.com

Are we so starved for entertainment in this country? I could see how we are lacking in good quality entertainment, especially on television, but I know damn well that we’re already filled up on cake and desserts. Of course, I don’t expect the majority of the country to be able to do 1,000 push ups in 23 minutes like Jack LaLane once did, but we really need to restrain the food reality show habit and shows like CAKE BOSS ain’t helpin’ one bit!

Filmed in Hoboken, NJ, TLC’s Cake Boss spotlights Buddy Valastro, the owner of Carlo’s Bake Shop who is obsessive about his work and eccentric enough to make people interested in watching him do it. It’s quite apparent that his crew of gourmet dessert chefs, many of which are his family members, are immensely gifted at what they do, and we get to see their final creations that prove it. My question is, do we really need another show about baking cakes? I thought the Ace of Cakes filled the quota. People love sugary, frosted goodness, yeah I get it. But what bugs me is that network and cable TV pay for shows like this rather than opt to create new original programming that isn’t reality based.

If I wanted to see reality I could hop on the NJ Turnpike a few exits and actually go to Carlo’s bakery, the shop where the show is filmed. I know the rest of the country doesn’t have that luxury, but is there that much of a demand for a show about making exquisite cakes? I’m not taking anything away from their prowess because it’s impressive to watch them create these ornate confections. I just can’t stop thinking that we will never stop seeing shows come along about ice sculptors, rubber band ball makers, food additive geniuses, and popsicle stick house architects. Is this niche type of programming here to stay, or is it a passing trend? I miss sitcoms that were imaginative and silly, I miss creepy shows like Unsolved Mysteries, I miss shlocky action shows, and I especially miss tawdry comedies about 2 girls living with a guy who pretends to be gay in front of his landlord. OK, so Jack Tripper happened to be a chef. That was the closest connection to a cooking show that my shows ever got. Well, unless you want to count the time Alf blew up the kitchen.

The Official Home Page of Carlo’s Bake Shop

Visit Cake Boss on TLC

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 36: Bugs Bunny in Atlantic City

Posted on January 20, 2010 by sexyarmpit

WB Bugs Bunny Atlantic City T-Shirt courtesy of eBay member imasin1978

“Ehhh…what’s up slots? That’s probably what our favorite wabbit Bugs Bunny says when he’s gearing up to play in A.C. I wonder if he rubs his own foot before he hits the tables? On the front of today’s t-shirt, Bugs is all duked out in a tuxedo, but when he hightails it down the Garden State Parkway for a weekend filled with booze, hookers, and baccarat, I’m almost positive Bugs dresses like a total schlub as not to attract attention to himself. Remember, not only live action celebrities strive to conceal their identity in public, but you can bet your ass that anthropomorphic cartoon characters do as well.

You might think that Bugs would get mobbed when visiting a casino in Atlantic City, but actually it’s only the tourists that bother him. You see, Bugs is a Jersey boy. I know what you’re thinking right now. “Oh my Lord! Here he goes again, bragging about how everyone is connected to New Jersey!!!” It is true though, aside from the Easter Bunny, the hometown of the most famous bunny of pop culture is Perth Amboy, NJ! If you don’t believe me, start Googling!

Considering he’s a Jersey Bunny, Bugs is no stranger to the ins and outs of Atlantic City. Keeping with the anonymity thing, Bugs rolls down to A.C in his piece of shit 1996 Ford Aspire which he bought new when he received his huge windfall from signing on to star in Space Jam. It turned out to be quite a good investment since no one really ever thinks to look over at a Ford Aspire on the highway to see if an animated rabbit is driving it. The only downside is that it doesn’t drive too fast. While the Aspire plods down the GSP, adjacent in the EZ Pass Express lane, Road Runner meep meeps right passed him leaving Bugs in a cloud of dust digging for change to pay the toll.

Welcome to Atlantic City! Maybe the initials on this shirt should stand for “We’re Broke,” because that’s what many people are saying when they leave, much like this couple:

DAN: “Umm…honey?’
DAN’S WIFE: “Yes Dear?”
DAN: “I’m not sure how to tell you this, but I gambled away all of little Emma’s college money…but I bought this really cute Bugs Bunny shirt with my comp dollars! It’s a little big, but you can wear it to bed!”
DAN’S WIFE: “WHAT?!?! Are you f-cking kidding me?!?! Do I have to call Rocky and Mugsy to fix this? And what in the name of Speedy Gonzales made you think I’d want a freaking Bugs Bunny t-shirt? You know my favorite is Hippety Hopper you broke bastard!”

*If you did any Googling to see if there is any truth to Bugs hailing from Perth Amboy, I commend you. If you didn’t and you simply don’t believe me, then believe this: Bugs Bunny Land resided at Six Flags Great Adventure in Jackson, NJ from 1988 to 2004. Presently, Six Flags Great Adventure features Bugs Bunny National Park in addition to a couple of rides in the Looney Tunes Seaport. So how do ya like them carrots?

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 35: “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal

Posted on January 12, 2010 by sexyarmpit

Black Machismo Foil T-Shirt available at shopTNA.com

Since there’s virtually no chance of seeing The Macho Man Randy Savage return to the ring, “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal is even better than the next best thing. Hailing from Elizabeth, New Jersey, Jamar Shipman began wrestling as Jay Lethal in Jersey All Pro Wrestling. Lethal won the JAPW Heavyweight title twice and has also been JAPW Light Heavyweight, Tag Team, and Television champion. Among other companies, Lethal has also appeared in Ring of Honor, and AWA.

Lethal has been doing his Savage shtick for several years now and it’s so faithful that it’s almost eerie at times. Obviously, many people, especially wrestling fans, can imitate the Macho Man, but Lethal literally becomes Savage! If you were there to experience the original wave of Macho Madness back in the day, then you’ll easily get sucked into the latest craze of Black Machismo Madness!

While Jay Lethal’s Macho Man impression might bring him attention, he also thrills inside the ring as well. You can check out Black Machismo on TNA Wrestling which airs on Spike TV on Thursday nights, but perhaps not for very long. Thanks in part to the addition of Hulk Hogan, TNA has positioned itself as a competitor against WWE so you may very well see Jay Lethal on Monday nights instead! Lethal also appears in a small role in 2008’s The Wrestler.

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 34: The Situation from MTV’s Jersey Shore

Posted on January 6, 2010 by sexyarmpit

Unfortunately, The Whereabouts just doesn’t have the same ring as The Situation. I’m absolutely furious that Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino has tarnished one of the best words in the English language forever. All the hipsters who actually enjoy watching MTV will now associate the word SITUATION with a former male stripper from Staten Island. In fact, this guy helped make Jersey Shore the pop culture phenomenon that it is, and the m-therfucker is from Staten Island?!?! He’s what true Jersey Shore folks call a Benny! Or as you may remember in a scene from Star Wars: A New Hope “We don’t serve their kind here!”

When I was but a young whippersnapper, the word SITUATION was well respected. It was an esteemed word that didn’t come to mind when sweaty, fist pumping, ‘roided out, guidos were mentioned. The real situation is the puddles going on in their armpits! (That is not Sexy). Can you remember a simpler time not so long ago? Take a moment to think back to a period of your life when the mere mention of the word situation elicited such cool and recognizable song lyrics such as “OK, here’s the SITUATION my parents went away on a weeks vacation…” I’m going to make a safe wager that Will Smith doesn’t even care that whenever I hear one of his legendary rhymes, a Staten Island guido will completely cloud my mind and impair me from enjoying the rest of DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince’s classic “Parents Just Don’t Understand.” Every time I hear the word situation, it feels like I’m having a little heart attack.

I used to chant along wild and passionate with Motley Crue’s frontman Vince Neil, and shout “It’s the saaame ol’, saaame ol’ SITUAAATION!” and now thank goodness I have a medical alert button around my neck or someone would literally have to kickstart my heart. This guy is frigging everywhere! I can’t think of a more appropriate time to say WTF? Have you ever been sitting around quietly reflecting on the events of the day and suddenly began to think to yourself…”What the hell happened to Yaz?” Well, coincidentally, that happens to me quite often and even when I looked them up and found out that they reunited in 2008, it still slips my mind what the hell happened to Yaz. So, in order to recall Yaz’s glory days of British synth pop stardom, I have to crank up the iPod and spin the click wheel to one of their biggest hits, yep, you f-cking guessed it…SITUATION!!! What a word killing bastard! I’m getting a class action lawsuit against this guy for ruining one of my favorite words ever!

To protect my heart from failure, I’ll be refraining from using the word S——-N from now on. Since Mike Sorrentino rose to fame thanks to MTV’s Jersey Shore, it was merely a week until I started seeing “I Love The S——-N” T-shirts.

Can’t we be a little more creative here people? At the very least I would have expected some illustrated abdominal muscles on the front or “Lift up my shirt to see The S——-N!” Dammit, I should be this assholes PR guy. They could’ve had a shirt that would give the tuxedo t-shirt a run for its money! (This eBay store should be ashamed of themselves for creating the most uninspired S——-N shirt ever.)
Shitty t-shirts aside, one of these days, The Sexy Armpit will inform The S——-N all about how he’s permanently massacred one of the finest words in our vernacular. Hopefully by that time I’ll have ruined the words SEXY and ARMPIT for him!

I’ll leave you with a quote from one of the most influential idols in my life, George Carlin:

“…Newspeople like to say ‘police have responded to an emergency situation,’ no they haven’t, they’ve responded to an EMERGENCY, we know it’s a situation…everything is a situation!”

Where to find these shirts:
Garden State Parkway Inspired Tee designed by Skeezoid on CafePress.com

“I Love the…” at the official Jersey Shore store at Zazzle.com, and yes…they even have t-shirts for your dog.

Mike’s Quote Tee from mdunphy89 found in her Sweet T’s store at Zazzle.com

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 33: Springsteen Wrecks the Stadium

Posted on December 30, 2009 by sexyarmpit

It’s a good thing we’ve got Springsteen, because the New York Giants sure as hell didn’t come through for us this season. Couldn’t they have at least won their last game in Giants Stadium? And while I’m at it, are the G-Men really moving on to greener pastures? I’d say that playing in “The New Meadowlands Stadium” is a step down in comparison to having an entire stadium named after the Giants franchise for over 30 years. From now on, the Giants and Jets will have to share a stadium that’s generically named so it won’t offend Jets fans. Big Blue couldn’t end it all on a high note? Nope, instead they let the Carolina Panthers trounce them. It’s a good thing my woman got us tickets to see Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street band put on the last concert ever in Giants Stadium back on October 9th, 2009.

Bruce Springsteen and The E-Street Band’s final shows at Giants Stadium were commemorated with different variations of t-shirts that were available in honor of each night’s show.

I feel that BRUUUCE bid the stadium proper adieu by bringing on his own “Wrecking Ball.” If you were there, then you know how special the night was. Emotions ran high that night and Bruce was in great spirits. He uplifted the crowd in many ways, and the crowd even uplifted him when he randomly decided to stage dive. Nobody, not even the drunken buffoonery in Jersey would drop Bruce Springsteen. That’s like dropping the Queen of effing England, if for some reason she happened to be stage diving. God might not save the Queen in that instance. The last night of Springsteen’s concerts in Giants Stadium was more special than the previous shows because as far as concerts go, he’s the main event there. The spectacular show was only weakened by the fact that the G-Men’s new digs was only 50 feet away next door. But Bon Jovi can have the shiny new New Meadowlands Stadium. I prefer old, weathered, and worn in any day.

You can visit Bruce Springsteen’s official online store and grab these tees while they are still available! (www.brucespringsteen.net)

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday Vol.32: Fist and/or Gas Pumping

Posted on December 22, 2009 by sexyarmpit

“We Don’t Pump Our Gas, We Pump Our Fists” & “Jersey Girls Don’t Pump Gas”

available at www.BurnTees.com

The theme today on NJ T-Shirt Tuesday is Gas. Not the sort that flatulates out of your bowels, but the kind that seems to fluctuate in price all the time. Coincidentally, New Jersey and Oregon are the only states that prohibit pumping your own gas and I’m fine with that. I couldn’t imagine getting out of my car and having to pump my own gas when it’s 15 degrees below zero with the wind chill. Call me spoiled, but the only way I’d be OK with doing such a maniacal thing is if I lived in a warm state. Then when it reaches 96 degrees in the summer and I’m freshly showered ready to head off to some swank restaurant like T.G.I Friday’s, I don’t want to present myself to the hostess beading with sweat. No antiperspirant can contain The Sexy Armpit. So, what do you think? Are you jealous that we don’t even have to leave the confines of our car and attendants are required to pump our gas for us? Or do you feel that NJ and Oregon have a good thing going and all the states should adopt the law? How many people think all states should outlaw guido fist pumping?

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 31: Apparently, We Go Hard

Posted on December 16, 2009 by sexyarmpit

I cannot tell a lie. I stole this pic off a friends Facebook page. This is a total violation of privacy and a downright shitty thing to do. In fact, I don’t even know how I could possibly face this person after I pulled such an irreverent stunt like this. But, when Tuesday rolls around and there’s t-shirts that need posting, then drastic measures have to be taken. How much of a jerkoff am I? T H I S M U C H! I don’t care though, because according to the tee in the pic above, here in Jersey, we go hard. Dammit, that is such a lame saying, but I guess it’s better than going soft! (face was sludged to protect the innocent)

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 30: House

Posted on December 8, 2009 by sexyarmpit

Yet another TV series set in New Jersey is the medical drama, House, starring Hugh Laurie. We can thank producer and former West Windsor, NJ resident, Bryan Singer, for its Princeton, NJ setting. Singer, the producer and director responsible for such films as The Usual Suspects, X-Men, and Superman Returns, graduated from West Windsor-Plainsboro High School South in 1984. IMDB reports that some of his future film projects include Battlestar Galactica and Excalibur.

This Princeton-Plansboro Teaching Hospital T-shirt is a must have for fans of the series. Although the series is filmed in Los Angeles, CA, Princeton University’s Frist Campus Center has been used for the external shots and aerial views of the show’s fictional teaching hospital. This tee can be found at the NBC Universal store.

In addition to the aerial shots in Princeton, Wikipedia states that scenes set in the Mayfield Psychiatric Hospital in Season 6 of House, were filmed at the abandoned Greystone Park Psychiatric Hospital in Parsipanny-Troy Hills, NJ.