Pirates of The Caribbean: On Jersey Tides

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Avast all these negative reviews! The critics are scallywags! Aye, if you’re a swashbuckler yourself then I’ll stake my last swig of rum that you won’t be disappointed in Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. Grab your wench and make way for the theater!

The fast paced, action packed opening scene includes Captain Jack Sparrow salivating over a pastry. Pirates eat pastries, and wash them down with rum it’s simple as that. They also get advice from Keith Richards, and yes, he’s back! Depp is also back in top form as Captain Jack Sparrow, a character I never get bored of watching. This time the journey involved the fountain of youth, and standing in the way is Blackbeard (Ian McShane). On Stranger Tides allows Sparrow to be funny, heroic, and yet still underhanded because after all, he’s a pirate! I even drew a comparison to Teen Wolf of all films. Sparrow balanced atop moving carriages through a town during the opening sequence just like Styles did on top of Howard’s Hardware van. Styles was a bit of a pirate wasn’t he?

In a twist that I found pretty damn cool, we find out that Captain Jack corrupted a young girl while she was in a convent years back and now she’s out for revenge. Penelope Crews plays the spunky Angelica, a fiery female pirate who was once spoiled by Sparrow. Depp and Crews chemistry was the highlight of the film and I’d like to see more of it in this series. With Depp pushing 50 and Crews pushing 40, both actors look like they went through a real life fountain of youth. Crews was a perfect casting choice to help extend this franchise and I do hope to see her in future installments. HINT: If you wait until after the credits role you’ll see a clip featuring Angelica and who she might set her eyes on in the next film.

As for the 3-D effect, it was not overdone. I forgot I even had the IMAX 3-D glasses on for the majority of the movie. I thought it would be a sword jabbing fest. Like in most 3-D movies that feature swords, they only jutted out toward the audience a few times. The half underwater scenes were superb. You know those scenes when only half the camera is submerged underwater? In this film that effect seemed so real that it made me feel like I was actually underwater. But beware, you will need your sea legs for one scene though. Captain Jack and Barbossa meet inside of Ponce de Leon’s ship which is stuck up on top of a mountain. As they attempt to duel they realize that the ship begins to sway back and forth as they move. This balancing act scene may indeed make you sea sick and they aren’t even in the ocean!

Entertainment Weekly reviewer Owen Gleiberman writes in his review that he had began to wish that “…Russell Brand had been handed the role of Jack Sparrow.” Wow, what a moronic comment. If you want a movie that’s a total mockery then you can get Brand. Swapping Brand for Depp is an insult. Depp is an infinitely skilled actor while Brand is a decent comedian who only half of the U.S can tolerate.

I don’t know what critics are expecting out of these movies. I got everything I expected and more out of the film. They’ll rant and rave about how amazing Toy Story 3 was, yet pan an adventurous and highly entertaining Pirate film with Johnny Depp. Doesn’t make sense. Will the Pirates franchise ever release another film as good as the first one? I doubt it, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be a close second, which is what On Stranger Tides is. And for those critics who complained that it was too much like the other films, I disagree. There were so many aspects of this installment that set it apart from the rest. First off, the mermaids were ridiculously awesome and their scenes will take you by surprise. These are not the Daryl Hannah type of mermaid you’re accustomed to. All the excitement is accented by the outstanding musical score. I didn’t think it was possible to improve upon the rousing musical score of these films, but they did. Hans Zimmer contributes another stellar soundtrack.

Read about Pirate activity in NJ:
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The Cars at Roseland Ballroom in NYC

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[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLG9P7VTlak?rel=0]
Not even the best salesman could’ve convinced me to buy into “The New Cars.” Do you even remember them? From 2005-2007 Todd Rundgren, Prarie Prince, and Kasim Sulton joined Greg Hawkes and Elliot Easton to form this offshoot band. I’m glad I held out because the original band reformed last year. Except for the late Ben Orr, The Cars are back with a new album, Move Like This, which they have been promoting through a ten city tour of the U.S and Canada. On May 25th, 2011 The Cars revved their engines over to a SOLD OUT Roseland Ballroom in New York City. Are The Cars rusty? You Might Think that, but I found them to be just as pristine as when I first heard them.
After reading reviews of the first few dates of The Cars tour, I was pleased to know that they are a no nonsense band. They didn’t have an opening band, they didn’t wait for 2 hours to go on stage, and they didn’t B.S about politics and who we should vote for in the next presidential election in between songs; all they did was delight the crowd with their new wave brand of rock and roll.
After stating a reunion would never happen, Ric Ocasek was finally back on stage with his band mates where he belongs. Front and center with his signature black hair and big sunglasses, Ocasek looked so comfortable up on stage that I’m pretty sure they could play another 10 – 15 years. I didn’t expect Ocasek to sound exactly like he did back in the day, but he sounded right on point. There were some moments when he backed away from the mic to play his guitar and his vocals trailed off and a couple of times where he seemed a little off key, but aside from that it was like listening to the studio versions. No one was there to hear him do vocal calisthenics anyway. All the electronic bleeps and bloops sounded perfect and the background vocals in the choruses provided that key element that helps make the songs so catchy.
It was really a trip getting to see a band whose songs and videos mesmerized me as a kid. I never saw The Cars live and it was amazing to finally get to experience their show. The setlist was a good mix of old, new, and rare. They played hits like “Good Times Roll” and “You Might Think,” but their new material really brought them alive. They seemed to have a blast with songs like “Blue Tip” and the hard rocking must download “Keep on Knocking.” The revitalized Cars showed that extra jolt when kicking into new tunes like “Sad Song” and “Free.”
A concert on a Wednesday night is tough so The Cars took pity on us and made it an early night for the sold out crowd at Roseland. The audience wasn’t obnoxious and people weren’t pushing and shoving, at least in my area of the floor. The band didn’t make us wait long for their encore either. The three song encore included “Just What I Needed,” “You’re All I’ve Got Tonight,” and my favorite, “Moving In Stereo.” With the vitality of the material on Move Like This, I hope The Cars continue to make new music because judging by their concert in New York City, they haven’t missed a beat.
www.SexyArmpit.com

Green Lantern Coaster Review at Six Flags Great Adventure

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Forgiving Great Adventure for killing The Great American Scream Machine won’t be easy. I figured that if The Green Lantern Coaster blew me away that I’d have an easy time forgetting about one of my favorite coasters of my youth, but no matter how insane the rides get I’ll always have a thing for The Great American Scream Machine. When I was a kid that was the coaster that got major hype, and rightfully so. As the ride started to decline in popularity I would go on it 6 or 7 times per visit. Good luck pulling that off on the new Green Lantern Coaster, even if you have a Flash Pass! Is the new Green Lantern coaster worth waiting on the long lines for? Slip on your power ring and continue reading to find out!

Roller Coaster enthusiasts know that The Green Lantern Coaster is not the first stand up coaster at Six Flags G.A. The standup coaster SHOCKWAVE made its way to Great Adventure in 1990. Back then it was a new gimmick in the coaster world and people were eating it up. The novelty didn’t last long. It was only a couple of years before it was removed from the park. The Green Lantern Coaster offers this gimmick to a new generation.

Now, situated to the right of Superman Ultimate Flight, there’s an enormous power lantern near the entrance. A schnazzy graphic of Green Lantern towers above the beginning of the line. Since this was a season pass only preview there were a lot of pissed off people hanging around this area. I thought this was the long line for the ride, but it was mostly people who didn’t have season passes and were walking away disgruntled. Our wait was less than a mere half hour. While on the line I was pleased to see that similar to Superman Ultimate Flight, there are large comic book panels posted around the ride queue familiarizing those on line with the Green Lantern mythos. It makes me happy anytime the DC Universe is properly represented in a theme park.

After the wait, we were ready to strap ourselves in. The engineer emphasizes that everyone needs to stand up straight and that they can’t sit down on the annoying crotch piece that protrudes from between your legs. This intruding part of the harness is shoved right up under your crotch! Right off the bat I wasn’t a big fan of it because it was uncomfortable. If you’re a guy and plan on riding this, I recommend opting for boxer briefs the day you plan on riding they’ll keep everything nice and secure. Aside from that minor gripe, the ride was pretty damn exciting.

The GL Coaster is innovative and utilizes the most up to date technology to make for an intense experience. As we made our slow ascent, there was audio from the GL characters pumped through the speakers. From there, it epitomizes the term thrill ride. It’s a full throttle and packed with stomach tickling excitement. The speed of the ride is really what left the biggest impression on me. You’ll be tearing through the air at 63 mph. Obviously stay away if you’re not a roller coaster person, but even if you are, this one is not for the amateurs.

Great Adventure History is a treasure trove of New Jersey theme park goodness. If you are fan of Six Flags G.A and have been going there since you were a kid, this site offers so much park history and ephemera that you might not be aware of. Block out some time on your schedule though because I wound up reading it for solid couple of hours.

www.SexyArmpit.com

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 78: Coaster Hero

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Coaster Hero T-shirt
Coaster Hero T-Shirt from Six Flags, Great Adventure

You should only be allowed to wear the Coaster Hero t-shirt from Six Flags Great Adventure if you’ve rode every roller coaster in the park. But what if you can’t make it to Jackson, New Jersey to even attempt that sinuous feat? Well, technologically we’re probably not far away from having a video game chair in our homes that can simulate the same thrilling feeling of a roller coaster. Years ago, games like Sim Coaster and Roller Coaster Tycoon gave us the chance to design our own virtual coasters. Now that we’ve moved well passed Windows 95, who knows where technology will bring us? Rocking out with Guitar Hero for the past several years has been quite a trip so maybe we’ll be able to buy a game that lets us “ride” any coaster in the world in the comfort of our own homes. Or does The Sharper Image have that already?

Come back tomorrow for our thoughts on the new Green Lantern Roller Coaster at Six Flags!
www.SexyArmpit.com

Lady GaGa Likes THE BOSS

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[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Zz5wxYj7RY?rel=0]
Lady GaGa’s enthralling Monster Ball Tour stopped at the Prudential Center in Newark on April 22nd, 2011 and The Sexy Armpit was there to witness the spectacle. Since I previously saw GaGa in Atlantic City, I wasn’t surprised when I saw her dramatic Monster Ballads type performance of “You and I,” during which she pounded away on the keys of her flaming piano, even occasionally foregoing her fingers to use her stiletto heel. She usually dedicates “You and I” to someone and this night it went out to her grandfather, a New Jersey native. I’m glad that YouTube member music4life324 captured GaGa’s intro to this song because here GaGa elaborates on her other associations with New Jersey. GaGa always makes it well known that she’s from New York, but it’s interesting to see how many New Yorkers have plenty Jersey connections as well.
Even several years after her debut, GaGa is still winning fans over. Recently, HBO premiered their presentation of The Monster Ball Tour taped at Madison Square Garden. Even the queen of glam rock on the Internet, Allyson from Bring Back Glam recently described GaGa’s latest video for “Judas” as “Metal,” and I fully agree. Of course there was a barrage of comments left on her post, many of which took exception to putting the pop icon in this category. Unfortunately, there aren’t many rock or metal bands who are badass enough to be called METAL nowadays! Isn’t it sad when our pop icons have more metal attitude in their petite 5’1 firecracker of a body than most actual metal bands today? I’ll take GaGa’s stiletto heels, pyro, and exposed butt cheeks any day.
It’s also pretty cool to know that GaGa knows who the BOSS is and I’m not talking about Judith Light. Many of the tracks on GaGa’s latest album “Born This Way” (available today) are influenced by Bruce Springsteen. She even had “The Big Man” Clarence Clemons do a guest spot on “Edge of Glory.” The following GaGa quote from an article on Billboard.com is taken from an upcoming MTV documentary, Inside the Outside, airing 5/26:

“Springsteen had such an influence on our home,” she says. “My father gave me, I believe it was for Christmas, a Bruce Springsteen songbook for the piano and on it was ‘Thunder Road,’ which is my favorite Bruce Springsteen song. My dad said, ‘If you learn how to play this song we will take out a loan for a grand piano, a baby grand.’ So I remember it was the hardest thing for me. I was playing these huge (classical) pieces, like 15 pages long, … and then there was this Bruce Springsteen song. I opened up the book and there was like chords, guitar chords. I was so confused. I didn’t understand it, so I just started to read it and eventually, eventually I got it down.” – Lady Gaga Reflects on Springsteen Influence for ‘Inside the Outside’ Doc by Phil Gallo 5/18/2011 Billboard.com

www.SexyArmpit.com

NJ/NY KISS Expo Video Recap by Matt Porter!

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[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhtFXcyxAUs?rel=0]

My man Matt Porter, video creator extraordinaire, has came through yet again with a killer video recap of the KISS EXPO that happened last weekend in Somerset, NJ. Matt has rectified the issue of the Expo being referred to as the New York/New Jersey KISS EXPO, renaming it the NJ/NY KISS EXPO. I somehow feel partly responsible for that HAHA! Since I couldn’t be there this time, the video is an excellent substitute. Thanks Matt! Go over to his YouTube channel and LIKE the video!

www.SexyArmpit.com

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.55: Nearing Grace

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Scott Sommer’s 1979 novel Nearing’s Grace may have had more impact back then, especially to a young teen male audience. I would wager that more male teens read books back then, before being inundated with computers, video games, and porn in the mid ’90s. The 2005 film adaptation Nearing Grace is set in South Orange, NJ, so as Dr. Evil would say, I’m going to “…throw it a frickin’ bone.” All you need to know about this film lies in that cheesy, overused, but awfully accurate movie description, “a coming of age tale.”

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It’s 1978 and Henry Nearing is a teen coping with the loss of his mother. Since his father and brother are drinking and abusing drugs to cope with her death, the only shoulder he has to lean on is the girl next door. Ashley Johnson, the actress who made me want to plant the remote control into my skull as little Chrissy Seaver on Growing Pains, plays Merna, a girl who adores Henry. She’s his loyal friend and has always been there for him, but Henry’s got a boner for Grace (Jordana Brewster of Fast and the Furious) who he thinks is hot, mysterious, and exciting, but is basically a total skank. Look, we all make the mistake of falling for the wrong person, Henry was just thinking with his dick.

The story was not compelling which translated to a bland film. It’s hard to blame director Rick Rosenthal (Halloween II, Halloween Resurrection, Smallville) since the film seems to be faithful to the novel. Even though I’ve never read the book, the entire film gave me a sense that it had to have been based off a book. I wanted desperately for the film to be one of those cool undiscovered gems, but it lacked a certain edge that other films and TV shows set in the ’70s have. For instance Almost Famous, Dazed and Confused, and even That ’70s Show, all evoked the vibe of that era. I’m not the only one who felt this way. In an October 16th 2006 review, Morgan-23 on IMDB “…didn’t feel one way or another about it.”

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Nearing Grace does offer a heartwrenching performance by David Morse (Disturbia) as Henry’s father, and the kid from BIG, David Moscow, seemed to be channeling Jeff Spicoli as Henry’s stoner brother. The real highlight of the film is the fantastic soundtrack. Unfortunately it doesn’t rescue this film from the depths of downerville. You’ll hear The Kinks, The Ramones, Tommy James and The Shondells, and The Velvet Underground among other bands.

For a teen drama set in the late ’70s Nearing Grace is everything it sets out to be. The only thing it’s not is fun. I would recommend this one only if you were an angsty teen back in the late ’70s OR Jordana Brewster gives you rumblings in your utility belt. And for those interested in the New Jersey aspect of the film, it’s very slight and lacks authenticity because it was actually filmed in Portland, Oregon.

www.SexyArmpit.com

Mourning The Macho Man Randy Savage: My Macho Memories

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Sexy Armpit & Miss Sexy Armpit (top) Macho Man (bottom)

I’M IN MACHO MISERY RIGHT NOW. The news of the passing of Macho Man Randy Savage has wrestling fans and the entire world buzzing right now. Savage was not only an icon of sports entertainment but a fixture in popular culture for many years. Describing Savage as a hero of mine is an understatement. I’m sure there will be an outpouring of tweets, blog posts, and YouTube tributes, and rightfully so, but this post will serve as a collection of my own Macho Memories.

Many of my Macho Man memories involve Miss Elizabeth. She was such a huge part of his mystique after he hired her as his manager. It was a controversial move to hire a sexy female valet who many thought had no mastery of the wrestling business. As we all know, they were a match made in heaven and hopefully they’ve met up so Savage could hoist her up on his shoulders once again for old time sake.

I had been into wrestling for about 2 years at that point. During that period in the WWF I remember everyone buzzing about Macho Man and Elizabeth. They were a hot topic and the couple grabbed the attention of everyone, not only wrestling fans. When the Miss Elizabeth LJN action figure first came out I remember wanting it so bad. I waited and waited and finally I got a special opportunity from my parents on Christmas Eve that year. They let my sister and I open each others gifts. After ripping open the paper I was so excited to see that my sister got me the Miss Elizabeth figure! Now Macho Man would walk the aisle with some arm candy.

Some people look back fondly on the greatest moments of their life. Some cite winning a high school football championship, getting married, or winning a huge sum in the lottery as random memorable life moments. Believe it or not, some of the greatest moments of my life involve WWF and Macho Man Randy Savage. His heel win to become I-C Champ, Savages feud with George the Animal Steele who was in love with Elizabeth, Savage vs. Steamboat at Wrestlemania 3, all the events that lead to the formation of The Mega Powers, The Wrestlemania 4 tournament which concluded with Savage winning his first WWF World Championship and sharing the greatest moment of all time in the WWF with Miss Elizabeth and The Hulkster in Atlantic City NJ. Then the Mega Powers exploded in the same venue at the next Wrestlemania. Years later he was in memorable feuds with Jake The Snake and Undertaker, Flair, and Ultimate Warrior.

savage WWF magazines

Life was so simple back then. Who cares if I sound old! On sunny and hot summer days I would walk down the local Rite Aid or ask my Dad to bring me to Quick Check and scan the magazine racks for the official WWF Magazine. A couple in particular made me literally explode with excitement. My sister dropped by while I was at a neighbors house to bring me the July 1988 issue with Savage on the cover. I nearly went into convulsions. I don’t think kids get this excited anymore over a magazine, but it made my month back then. I’d worship the pages and read the same articles over and over. It sounds incredible, but I can remember the exact moment I got most of them. I still have those magazines too.

Growing up, my best friend Frank and I were immensely influenced by Macho Man. It was easy for two best friends to call themselves The Mega Powers, but it was another to start filming themselves wrestle at a time when taping yourself wrestling wasn’t en vogue at all. At least in my neck of New Jersey, taping backyard wrestling matches wasn’t something that people we knew ever did. Leave it to us to spend our Friday and Saturday nights recording promos and matches while our friends went and “socialized” with each other. In our first match ever, we chose to explode the Mega Powers yet again just for the hell of it.

I know a lot of people claim that their parents are the greatest, but My Dad is seriously in the Dad Hall of Fame. He’s always been a fan of WWF right along with me. The fact that he interacted in my little obsession with me meant more than anyone could ever imagine. Through the big wrestling boom in the ’80s and then through the times when WWF fans got made fun of for still liking it well after it’s popularity surge was over – it was so cool to be able to share those moments with him. Of course he used to watch Saturday Night’s Main Event with me and bring me upstairs after I fell asleep on the couch, but there was one time in particular years later that will always stick out in my mind.

After Monday Night Raw premiered in 1993 I made it a big TV event. It was the highlight of my week. I set up my TV chair and grabbed my drink and snacks. Occasionally my Dad would watch with me, but other times if he was busy he would tell me to let him know if something good happens and he’ll come watch. That’s the kind of thing that meant a lot to me. I didn’t toss the baseball around much, I didn’t have much interest in sports or fixing cars, my world was all about WWF. He was a big fan of Macho Man and Razor Ramon at that time.

savage crush

In 1994, prior to Wrestlemania 10, Randy Savage and Crush began a feud that was pretty hardcore in WWF at that time. My father and I were shocked as we witnessed Crush turn on Savage. Crush pressed Savage up over his head and dropped him onto the steel barricade, lacerating his tongue. We were both in awe of how this played out in a very realistic way. Since that was just before the computer era really took off, there were no spoilers or dirt sheets to ruin the storylines, so it was a vivid and surprising night on Raw. The feud culminated at Wrestlemania 10 in a falls count anywhere match, just over the river at Madison Square Garden in NYC. It was Savage’s last appearance at a Wrestlemania.

armpit and jane

In recent times, Savage has kept a low profile but I’ve kept his spirit alive as much as I could. I’ve dressed up as Macho Man twice in the last couple of years. The first time was for a Halloween Costume Party at Asbury Lanes and my girlfriend dressed up as Miss Elizabeth. You can read more about that in this post. The next time I went with the classic lavender Macho Man T-Shirt and matching bandanna for my friend Jane’s surprise ’80s style birthday party. Each time it was a big hit and everyone was complimenting me on how good I pulled off the look. I even won runner up in the costume contest at Asbury Lanes.

I will miss you so much Macho Man, you were larger than life to me and no one will ever come close to having your unique blend of electric charisma and ring skills of a king. I hope the Fink announced you into heaven with Pomp and Circumstance echoing throughout the universe. “We’re gonna climb that mountain together and we are together forever Oooooh Yeah!” Elizabeth…DOWN THAT AISLE!

www.SexyArmpit.com

Jersey Shore Gone Wilde

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[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mhk5Rjz7xk0?rel=0]

Even though you may have seen it already, I couldn’t resist posting this video mash up of Jersey Shore and Broadway’s The Importance of Being Earnest courtesy of The Roundabout Theatre Company. This is the first part of a multi part series created for Playbill by The Importance of Being Earnest stars Santino Fontana and David Furr.

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New Green Lantern Roller Coaster at Six Flags Great Adventure!

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green lantern coaster
Season Pass holders have access to a special preview of the ride
from May 19th thru May 22nd


What’s better than The Dark Knight Coaster at Six Flags Great Adventure? Almost every ride in the park HA! After Six Flags debuted the last DC Comics Superhero inspired ride The Dark Knight Coaster in a vastly disappointing 2008 premiere, it seems that they are about to redeem themselves.

Presently, The World’s Finest heroes are both heavily represented at Great Adventure. Batman and Superman rides are among some of the best in the park (aside from the lame Dark Knight coaster) which leaves the other members of the Justice League green with envy. One DC hero in particular isn’t going to take it sitting down.

Opening May 25th, the new Green Lantern coaster will be a thrilling experience based on GL’s mystical power ring. The super smooth ride stands 154 feet tall and reaches speeds of 63 mph. It’s now among the tallest and fastest coasters in the world. According to the Six Flags press release the ride will be a towering “…15 stories high with over three quarters of a mile of twisting green steel, this new stand-up coaster will take you on a journey of epic proportions.”

I can’t think of a better movie tie-in than a brand new roller coaster at Six Flags Great Adventure. Green Lantern is finally getting the credit he deserves. People will be coming from all over the place to ride this one! It’s a 2 minute and 30 second adrenaline rush for most people. For me, it’ll be 2 minutes and 30 seconds pretending I’m flying around like Hal Jordan. Hopefully the standing up-upside down part won’t make people morph their green energy into puddles of vomit.

Six Flags Great Adventure
1 Six Flags Boulevard
Jackson, NJ

www.SexyArmpit.com