New Jersey Day is TODAY!!!

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Today is New Jersey Day. On this day 223 years ago, New Jersey officially became the 3rd state of the United States. A lot of people have been asking me, Jay, how does one celebrate New Jersey Day? Here’s a few things you can do…

1) Start your day off right, with a greasy sandwich: pork roll egg and cheese on a roll!

2) Fill up your gas tank! Breathe in the fumes and enjoy the fact that you don’t have to lift a finger to pump your gas.

3) Have for some good ‘ol fashioned road rage. Stick your middle finger up proudly. Throw your head out the car window and shout “F*ck You Motherf*cker!” Followed by a barrage of annoying HONKING. Be thankful for living in Jersey because we don’t get fined or ticketed for honking our horns like in New York City.

4) Get in front of a mirror and continue to practice your impression of Silvio Dante (Little Steven) from in The Sopranos.

5) Flick through the channels to see what’s on TV. Forget 57 channels and there’s nothing on…more like 857 channels and nothing on!

6) Marvel at the fact that Jon Bon Jovi has horned his way into the White House.

7) Go back into the Sexy Armpit archives and pick an old post that haven’t read. I will write you and I.O.U. Or, take a look at one of the many entries of NJ T-Shirt Tuesday and buy a tee to wear NEXT year on NJ Day!

8) Take a trip down to Atlantic City and gaze at tons and tons of people pissing their money away. Don’t believe the stories for a second that nobody is going to A.C. Where there’s a vice there’s people and New Jersey has an overabundance of both.

9) Go to the mall, our sales tax is a little bit cheaper, but our people are still a-holes. As you drive there you’ll have a lot of time to reflect on life because, chances are, on any one of our fabulous roads or highways you’ll probably be sitting in a ridiculous amount of traffic.  Once in the parking lot, you will get into a fight for a spot. Then, inside the mall, people will walk into you because they don’t pay attention. Don’t even mention those annoying kiosk people. No, I don’t want you to slather your exotic facial cream culled from the dead sea onto my face in the middle of the mall. Get out of my face!

10) Pretend you’re DJ Pauly D and crank up your iPod! We have plenty of offerings for today. From Old Blue Eyes to Bon Jovi, and The Four Seasons to The Fugees and Springsteen to The Smithereens there’s an endless array of artists who have spawned from The Garden State.

Dine-In Theaters? AMC’s Newest Movie Theater Concept

AMC Dine-In

Last week I was asked to attend a special blogger preview night at the newest AMC Dine-In Theater at Menlo Park Mall in Edison, NJ. It sounded like a request for free advertising, but I had my reasoning for showing up there. It was a total trip for me to see this theater after it’s makeover since I actually worked there for nearly 5 years. I had some of the best times of my life there believe it or not, and I met a bunch of people that have become life long friends. What seemed like an easy part time job throughout high school and some of college was truly an awesome experience, so I felt like I needed to check out what they’ve done to my old digs. It was great to see that the structure and layout has stayed primarily the same, but what has changed is the fact that the traditional movie theater will soon be extinct.

AMC DIne-In

Specially selected AMC Theaters are transforming into a place where you can watch a film, get tanked, and eat dinner all while chilling on a cozy leather recliner. At first I really wasn’t interested since what once was my favorite hobby, going to the local theater to watch a movie, has become an annoyance. Nowadays I’d rather watch movies at home, either selected from my obscene amount of DVD’s and Blu-rays or from Netflix and the nearby Redbox. My worn-in couch and all the little minor luxuries of home make going to the movies a big chore, so this concept is a tough sell for me and I’ll explain why.

AMC Dine-In

Dinner and a movie used to be one of the simplest dates you could go on. Now, even if you want to take your lady out for dinner and a romcom you wind up waiting 30 minutes at the restaurant for a seat, and then once you get to the movies and sit in the theater some a-hole is talking nonstop behind you and kicking the back of your chair. Combining the experience streamlines the process in terms of time and money. Obviously, no theater gimmick will get rid of the talking a-holes with the leg spasm, they will always be there; but this new Dine-In concept may improve theater going in some respects while making it worse in others.

If I’m going to get really comfy, I don’t want to do it at Menlo Park Mall. Once I get comfortable, I fall asleep. So, inviting me to come into your theater to kick back in an easy chair and conk the f*ck out is not the best plan, especially if you want my tab to get paid by close of business! Terrible idea people! Are they supplying woobies too?

AMC Dine-In
The old box office and business office is now a lounge area with LCD screens

First off, I hate hearing people eat when I’m trying to pay attention to a movie, unless of course, I’m also eating at the same time, then I’m not paying attention to them at all. If the theater is mostly quiet and some couple are chowing down on crunchy nachos beside me, I would want to scratch my eyeballs out. If I was trying to watch a movie and get distracted because someone in front of me is ordering their fifth Mojito and a giant sized portion of lobster ravioli and the server is in my view of the screen I would really freak out in my mind.

I am very particular when I watch things. It’s not so much that I am missing something it’s that old general principle of being quiet in a library. You can wolf down food and domestic beers with your friends at a bar, you can bullshit with your yenta sister in law at your house during the holidays, but I believe in a calm and cool attitude in a theater. It’s a time to relax.

I already mentioned the leather recliners, but there’s also airline style “seat side service buttons” that alert a waiter or waitress that you want to order some grub. That’s a red light for me. Imagine how many people are going to abuse that one. Do they provide puke buckets too? Because when those cougars start getting all up on those raspberry martinis and horning it up over Mark Wahlberg, those poor ushers are going to have some cleaning up to do.

AMC Dine-In
A full wet bar and cocktail lounge has taken the place of the old rarely used front concession stand

How do you feel about Dine-In Movie Theaters? Can’t wait to go or your ass will be staying on the couch? Let us know in the comments!

The AMC Dine-In Theater at Menlo Park Mall in Edison, NJ officially opens to the public this Friday and also feature upscale Cinema Suites.


AMC Menlo Park 12 Dine-In Theater
390 Menlo Park Mall
Edison, New Jersey

American Angel’s “Best Part of Christmas”

This one goes out to Miss Sexy Armpit!
Jersey hard rock fans know all about American Angel. If you aren’t familiar with them, look ’em up! They are one of the most underrated rock bands of the late ’80s and early ’90s. Unfortunately the evil cloud known as grunge came along and wiped out many of the glam metal and party rock bands signed to labels at that time. Since then it’s apparent that these bands actually outlasted the great depression of music. And, not to worry, lead singer Rocco Fury and a new band lineup recorded 2007’s Vanity and began playing occasional shows as American Angel. Chances are you will be seeing more of American Angel, since I read on Rocco’s Facebook page they have a tour in the works for 2011, but he’s a funny guy and I can never tell when he’s being serious or not! Check out some of the music at iTunes and HERE.

When Glam Rock and Wrestling Ruled: THE WRESTLER (2008)

The Wrestler
Our featured writer and film buff Nick Holden is back! If you missed his last post check it out HERE! But now, read his insightful thoughts on one of the best Jersey movies ever: The Wrestler

The world of a professional wrestler, with the outfits, the personas, and the fans will always be a myriad of truths and fictions. Yes, the outcomes are preordained and the storylines scripted, but no it isn’t fake; they really get hit and injured (sometimes permanently) and do things that should only be tried on Jackass!. But underneath this world, for the ones that have left the limelight behind, it’s only one of memories and disappointments. And to look closer, it is also a mirror into the career of Mickey Rourke. Once considered the next Robert De Niro with legendary roles in such 80’s classics as Diner, 9 ½ Weeks, and The Pope of Greenwich Village, Rourke’s star soon faded in the 90’s along with his career, which led him to briefly take up professional boxing. But after a small resurgence in bit parts, Rourke slowly found himself in demand which lead to a breakout of sorts in the 2000’s, with prominent roles in Once Upon a Time in Mexico and Sin City which brings us to The Wrestler. Upon first look, it’s easy to dismiss the movie as Rocky with wrestling in place of boxing. But after numerous viewings, it is an example of Rourke’s power as an actor as well as an excellent portrait of New Jersey in all its truth and grittiness.

Randy “The Ram” Robinson (Rourke, who trained with real life wrestler Afa Anoai) is an ’80s wrestling star that has long since been out of the spotlight. Working on the independent circuit in gymnasiums and schools, Randy is a broken man in every aspect. His muscled body cannot stand the abuse anymore, and he keeps himself going with pain pills and steroids. Outside the ring, he makes ends meet as a stock clerk at a supermarket, constantly bullied by his boss, while trying to coax Cassidy, a stripper (Marissa Tomei, who bares everything and looks damn better than women half her age), to see him outside her work. He has long since lost contact with his daughter (Evan Rachel Wood) and longs to be back on top, which may happen by a chance rematch with his old nemesis The Ayatollah (Ernest “The Cat” Miller). But his wrestling career is put in jeopardy after an extremely violent “hardcore” match leads to a heart attack that nearly kills him. Now Randy must decide if a last chance shot at fame is worth everything, including his very life.

Director Darren Aronofsky perfectly captures the balance of a person and wrestler. One minute, Randy is larger than life in the ring, playing to the crowd and basking in the attention; the next, he is sad and pathetic at his work, doing menial labor and swallowing his pride to work the deli counter. Rourke disappears into the role from beginning to end. In addition to performing some of the wrestling scenes, Aronofsky filmed him waiting on real customers at the deli counter in order to keep the scenes as realistic as possible. Apart from Rourke, Marissa Tomei also scored an Oscar nomination as a woman who is much like the Ram; well past her prime to be working in a strip club (Cheeques, located in Linden if you’re interested), she struggles night after night, and well aware that she is being passed over for the younger entertainers. Both Randy and Cassidy live in an era that has long since passed; the ’80s, celebrating the music and clothing, trying to deny the current times around them. An excellent example is summed up during their meeting at a bar while RATT plays in the background: “Yeah, the ’90s really sucked.”

Along with Rourke and Tomei, another star is the state of New Jersey. With a short shooting schedule, Aronofsky filmed on location in Linden, Bayonne, Rahway, Roselle Park, Hasbrouck Heights, Garfield, Elizabeth, and Asbury Park while other scenes where filmed in Pennsylvania and New York. What really captures the spirit of the film is a scene in Asbury Park, where Randy has a brief reunion with his daughter. Asbury has undergone a complete renovation and transformed into a more glitzy, trendy affair of clubs, restaurants, and hotels. But at the time of filming, it was a forgotten, dilapidated boardwalk of empty venues and boarded up businesses. But New Jersey is kinda like that; most of the industries that populated Newark, Passaic, and Paterson (to name a few) had been outsourced and left the Garden State high and dry. Much like Randy, time has not been too kind to the state, but still everyone (me included) still remembers when good times were to be had and hope was not a lost word.

The Wrestler won numerous awards from every film festival from here to Toronto and, following two wins at the Golden Globes including best actor and best original song (courtesy of original NJ’er Bruce Springsteen) was expected to win big at the Academy Awards. But sadly, it came up short with Rourke losing out to Sean Penn and Tomei to Penelope Cruz, but it gave people around the world a new reason to consider Mickey Rourke a major talent again as well as showing New Jersey in a non-Jersey Shore light. Subtle, funny, and moving, The Wrestler is definitely one of the best films in the past decade.

The Hall and Oates Gift Tin? Say It Isn’t So!

Every year I accompany Miss Sexy Armpit to a Christmas gift swap party that her sister and brother in law hold. I usually try to conjure up an oddball gift, and last year’s Beat the Meat Gift Basket was a big hit. You can watch the video of that HERE. This year I assembled quite a gift. The Hall and Oates Gift Tin included a $10 dollar iTunes gift card, Hall and Oates Greatest Hits, a full variety pack of Quaker Oatmeal, and 2 packs of Halls Breezers cough drops. All together the value of the entire gift was over $30 since I also included the lovely Wal-Mart Christmas tin. 

The tin sat there under the tree the entire length of the swap. It was as if people knew that it might be the lamest gift there so they stayed away. Even after several chants of “Take the Tin!” and heckles such as “Open the tin” “Hey, there’s a cookie tin there!” and “The Tin, The Tin, The Tin!” It remained unopened. Finally, when the last person’s turn came they ignored the last gift which was the tin under the tree and opted to steal a gift. So the person who got their gift stolen was forced to open what was left under the tree.

Unfortunately, the wordplay was lost on it’s recipient. The poor guy didn’t even know who Hall and Oates was! I didn’t think that was possible! Six #1 hits on the Billboard charts and he never heard of them? Was he was born in the ’90s or was he just “OUT OF TOUCH?” HAHAHAHA! In the end I made out like a bandit. There wasn’t much to choose from since most gifts usually involve alcohol, or blankets. I zeroed in on the $25 dollar iTunes gift card that I stole from an innocent party goer. Don’t worry, I didn’t actually steal her gift, in the game you’re allowed to forego your shot at a new gift and steal someone else’s that they’ve already unwrapped. It’s a cruel world.

New Jersey Christmas Tree Ornament

NJ Ornament 1

Facebook status updates rarely yield anything significant. Most of the time it’s a report on how crappy someone’s day is going, what they are eating, that they are completely shitfaced at a bar, or that they are now listed as “single.” Boo-hoo. In contrast, an exceptional status update may even inspire someone who blogs to write a post about it, which is what is happening right now.

NJ Ornament 2
The ornament depicts Atlantic City gambling, a lighthouse, produce, sports, etc.

My friend Tara on Facebook took some pictures of a few ornaments on her Christmas tree recently and posted them on her page. Her status update displayed these pictures and one of them was a New Jersey Christmas ornament. I’m sure that at some point in my life I’ve been in a random chotchkie store and passed right by an NJ Christmas ornament, not even giving it a second thought.

Even though Tara said the ornament was a gift and she didn’t buy it herself, I think it’s cool that someone is proud enough of their state to hang an ornament of it’s likeness on a branch of their Christmas tree. Right on, Tara, and thanks for sending the pictures! Now, I’m off to the North Pole to convince Santa’s elves to make up those Sexy Armpit Christmas ornaments!

A Twisted Christmas at The Starland Ballroom in Sayreville

Twisted Christmas DVD

In my cavernous vault of Christmas tunes, one facet of my collection that has never been properly represented was hard rock and metal. Before 2006, I never would have pegged Twisted Sister as a band to record a Christmas album. Although, after A Twisted Christmas was released in 2006, it was an immediate classic. There’s obviously been many hard rock bands through the years who have released holiday songs but how many actually withstand the test of time? We’re covered from a Jersey perspective with songs from Bon Jovi and American Angel, but overall we’re hard pressed for good hard rock and heavy metal Christmas songs.

In 2007 we saw Monster Ballads Xmas released, and a year later We Wish You a Metal Xmas, but none of them had the potential that A Twisted Christmas did to become a classic. The Twisted Sister formula combined with these perennial holiday songs was a success. A Christmas album might seem like a strange move for rockers who wear costumes and makeup, but they followed through with an annual Christmas concert where the band performs Christmas tunes, and a slew of their other big songs as well. Unfortunately, the Twisted Christmas concert did not take place this year (2010) but if you would still like to experience it anyway, I suggest getting your hands on a copy of the very first Twisted Christmas Live DVD which took place at The Starland Ballroom in Sayreville, New Jersey and released in 2007.

With the stage doused in red spotlights, bows, and silver tinsel garland, Dee Snider stormed the stage wearing a Santa Claus costume. TS then ripped into “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,” which also incorporates a Ramones-esque “Ho, Ho, Ho, Let’s Go!” Their version of “White Christmas” is the quintessential hard rock version of the immortal song and “Oh Come all ye Faithful,” merges with “We’re Not Gonna Take It” to create the ultimate metal Christmas song.

The Starland concert was a fast paced onslaught of holiday hard rock. Dee Snider had a blast throughout the show, especially on “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.” At times the rest of the band looks like they’d rather be knitting or doing a crossword puzzle, but they come alive when it’s time for Twisted songs like “The Fire Still Burns and “You Can’t Stop Rock and Roll.” Dee, who really has a way with words, thanked the troops overseas before kicking off “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” followed by a heartwarming rendition of “Burn in Hell.”

We get to see an awesome drum solo from A.J which leads into “Silver Bells” where Jay Jay French shreds as artifical snow fell from the rafters. You’ll also see plenty of Mark slapping the bass and Eddie electrifying his guitar. Dee tells a funny, yet long winded story about getting socks for Christmas which ultimately introduces “I Wanna Rock” as they completely annihilate the audience. Finally, the band comes back out for an encore of “Heavy Metal Christmas.” It wasn’t all holiday tunes either, mixed into the setlist were Twisted Sister tracks like “Shoot ’em  Down” and “The Price.”

The DVD is well put together. Visually, you’ll feel like you are actually in the venue. The Starland Ballroom is small, but the film crew did a superb job with the limited space. When watching this concert you will quickly notice how the creative crew makes the ballroom look huge as they shoot from all different perspectives, many of which I’ve never seen done before at a Starland concert. There are also several extras including music videos for “Oh Come all ye Faithful” and “Heavy Metal Christmas” as well as an interview with the band and more. I only have one gripe with the DVD itself. They decided to delete the word “motherf*cker” all throughout the show, which I assume was to not get a parental advisory warning slapped on there.

If you’re one of those humbugs who hates holiday tunes, then this DVD is your kryptonite. But if you’re the type who can’t wait to break out the holiday music after Thanksgiving, and if you’re a Twisted Sister fanatic, then this DVD is a must own! It’s also a collectible for those fans of New Jersey popular culture, since New York’s Twisted Sister chose our little Starland Ballroom to do their first ever Christmas concert! I recommend getting this DVD before it goes out of print and you have to buy it on ebay for $80 bucks!

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New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.50: Miracle on 34th Street

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MACY: “Well, we can cover the country too. Notify our stores in San Francisco, Atlanta, Toledo, and Newark to get going right away.”
This scene in 1947’s Miracle on 34th Street shows R.H Macy rattling off several store locations from his empire. In retaliation against Gimbel’s, Macy instructs a couple of his employees to expand the new referral policy that Kris Kringle started because it created so much customer loyalty and positive publicity for them.   
When I watch movies like Miracle on 34th Street and A Christmas Story every Christmas season, I find myself in awe of the department store scenes. Shopping in department stores back in the 1940’s seemed like such a larger than life experience in comparison to the horrific battles encountered at Targets and Wal-Marts around the country. If you were a kid back then, the wondrous store front displays were of utmost importance because they provided the chance to scope out all the toys that you might put on your Christmas list. Macy’s in New York still attracts huge lines to view their store window spectacle during the holidays, but there isn’t really anything that grand in New Jersey. 

In the above scene, the Newark location Macy mentions is actually a Bamberger’s, which was one of the premiere department stores in New Jersey. It was founded way back in 1893 and their flagship store was built in Newark in 1912. In 1929, Macy’s bought Bamberger’s, but it wasn’t until 1986 that they were officially rebranded as Macy’s. In addition to malls across The Garden State, Bamberger’s operated stores in Morristown, Plainfield, and Princeton as well as in New York, Pennsylvania, Delaware, and Maryland. An anonymous comment posted at The Department Store Museum blog summarizes exactly what Bamberger’s was: “Jersey’s version of Macy’s…”

Check out the Bamberger’s post at The Department Store Museum which offers pictures and info on many of their New Jersey locations. Also, several facts in this post were taken from the Bamberger’s Wikipedia entry.

Film Review: Jersey Guy (2003)

Jersey Guy
Who the hell wants to watch a movie about a Jersey GUY anyway? I guess guidettes would, but only if it stars big sweaty fist pumping gorillas. It’s safe to say that more people are interested in Jersey GIRLS. We know for sure that Tom Waits, Bruce Springsteen, and shit, even Antonella Barba definitely are. The curious thing about the 2003 film Jersey Guy is that it disregards the typical Jersey stereotypes. It’s probably because Jersey Guy was made years before MTV’s Jersey Shore brainwashed the world into thinking everyone in Jersey is a guido. DJ Pauly D was probably on the ones and twos on his Fisher Price record player when this movie came out. So if it’s tanned, ‘roided, guidos you are looking for, pass this one up.
Jersey Guy is about Jack, a 25 year old who still lives at home…in Jersey (duh!). That’s not really out of the ordinary because, shit, I’d still be living at home if I didn’t have so many comics, toys, and other crap. Jack’s dilemma is that he fears marrying “the girl next door and living his parents life.” He works at a nursing home and not only does he worry about the elderly people living there, but also about his parents. His father, who mentioned several times that he grew up in the north ward of Newark, is played by Arthur J. Nascarella, a pretty decent substitute for James Caan.

Jersey Guy - Princess Diner
Jack has an affinity for the old school. He drives a classic Mustang, and he hangs out with old people. For this to be a more enjoyable film that sentence would’ve ended with: “…and falls for Betty White in this all out comedy about whacked out senior citizens.” Jack grows bored and he’s seeking some sort of thrill in his life that’s more exciting than his job and stagnant relationship. Most of his time is spent keeping tabs on the kooky old folks in the nursing home, so one night he goes out to NYC with a co-worker, Merle, and miraculously starts talking to a hot model. There’s no way that would happen considering he was dressed like a total dork and hanging out with a guy that looked like he could be his grandfather. The movie is chock full of neverending montages including the one that establishes the already established fact that Jack is interested in this hot model. She’s shakes her hair back and forth and shoots seductive looks. I’m getting sleepy.
Even though the film was released in 2003, it was made pre-9/11. The movie seemed even more dated when we meet Jack’s younger teenage brother who has a thing for fashion model Claudia Shiffer, who peaked in popularity back in the ’90s. When Jack’s brother asks him what he’s going to do about this new girl he met, Jack says “what any self respecting guy from Jersey would do, I’m gonna call her.” Referencing the state is completey unnecessary, why does Jersey even play into his reply? That’s a totally unrealistic piece of dialouge. Nobody from Arkansas would say “What any self respecting guy from Arkansas would do.”
The blatant references to N.J were welcome, but the outdated and lame quips were not. The dialouge sounded like a high school kids conversation in the late ’90s with such corny lines as “do the nasty,” and “I just ate, no pun intended.” I’m no stranger to explicit jokes, but Jack goes into a ridiculously disgusting “what if” scenario that has his mother in law drinking his seminal fluids out of a used condom she discovered that he and his girlfriend Susan left in bed. This came early on in the film and the tone hasn’t been defined at that point so hearing a joke like that was abrupt and disturbing.

Jersey Guy - Willowbrook Mall

After an excruciatingly long sequence showing Jack unsuccessfully searching his closet for an outfit that isn’t a reject from the wardrobe department on the set of Leave it to Beaver, he hits up Willowbrook Mall to pick up some new clothes. Jack then realizes how rich and pretentious the model’s friends are. After hanging with her hipster pals and then heading out to the Hamptons with her, it’s obvious he doesn’t fit in with them. In part of his life he’s living it up and sleeping with a sexy model, yet he misses his hometown girl Susan, who he’s cheating on, but ultimately realizes she’s more important to him.
What makes Jersey Guy craptacular is the fact that Jack is a pathetic main character. Jack is unlike any Jersey Guy I’ve ever known. Making a trip to New York was a huge deal for him and it’s only a few miles away. It’s possible that the writers of the film attempted to draw parallels between Jack and the homebound seniors roaming around the nursing home, but it did not translate well at all.
Jersey Guy is a limp movie. The reality girl vs. fantasy girl theme has been done a thousand times, but I wasn’t attached to either of the girls. The only salvageable aspect of Jersey Guy was it’s nods to Jersey. Mentioned in the film are Route 23, the Seaside Boardwalk, Branchbrook park, and Central Avenue in Newark. Filming took place in Edgewater, Totowa, Bloomfield, and Wayne. Listen for shout outs to local newspapers The Star Ledger and The Bergen Record.

How The Grinch Stole New Jersey

The Christmas season has officially kicked off and The Sexy Armpit’s iPod has been cranking out the holiday tunes, but there’s one song that I forgot to put on there! “Mr. Grinch,” a 1995 alt-rock cover version by The Whirling Dervishes who hailed from Westfield, NJ.

The Whirling Dervishes got some airplay on MTV and they were were pretty big in the local Jersey rock scene in the ’80s and ’90s. Members of the band went on to form Everlounge, who frequently plays original rocking lounge music in bars and clubs around The Garden State. Whether you’re a New Jersey native or not, their version of “Mr. Grinch” is a must add to your Holiday playlist.

Everlounge will be playing at:
The Stage House
Scotch Plains, NJ
on 1/7/11

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