AMERICAN GLADIATORS IS COMING BACK!!! I’m as happy as a pig in the Eliminator. For more on TheSexyArmpit.com’s love for Am. Gladiators click here.
It’s Anybody’s Meadowlands
I read a story in our local paper yesterday that Continental Airlines is ending their deal with the Meadowlands arena in East Rutherford. They will no longer have their logo on the top of the building. The NJSEA is taking bids from all different companies to see what company the arena will be named after next. It took ten years for people to finally start getting used to calling it Continental Arena and now it’ll probably be something whacked out like Iams Dog Food Arena, or The Marlboro Lights Arena. Wait, shouldn’t a beer company own it!?!
“Welcome everyone to the Budweiser Arena in New Jersey, we’ve got a great game tonight for you the Nets vs. the defending Champions San Antonio Spurs! This season it’s a bit different though, every game the inside of the entire arena will be filled with BEER! That’s 37,693 gallons of BEER, not even your grandmother could throw that back! How will the players play while submerged in BEER? We’ll soon see as we go court side for the tip…”
Soon the N.J Nets will play at the Barclay’s Center in Brooklyn N.Y. What’s with teams playing in different states? (The New York Giants play in New Jersey and now the N.J Nets will be playing in New York! I think it’s all scam to try to get people to take mass transit and pay tolls when going to the games.) $400 million over the next 20 years will give Barclay’s Bank the rights to plaster their name to the top of the building. I understand that teams need the revenue but I can’t stand the fact that the winning bidders never truly have much in common with a sports or entertainment event at all. It’s purely done for exposure.
I think the advertisers bidding should at least have to correspond to the events or the sports held there in some way. I don’t care if it’s Nike or Gatorade, but it just seems to make more sense than a bank. A Continental Airlines sign on the top of the arena made sense since Newark airport is not far away and if you’re flying over the arena you’ll see the sign. Having an airline adverrtise seemed like a good idea since players and fans use airlines to travel to games. To some extent, I’m ok with venues like the Verizon Center. Since many people around the world use cell phones or Internet service, they apply. Through their service, sports/entertainment information can be accessed and tickets can be purchased.
The NJSEA actually asked former governor and one time namesake for the building, Brendan Byrne, if he and his family wanted to place a bid. Luckily, he replied with a definitive “No.” I don’t know how much money he has but I doubt he’d be able to compete with even the lowest bid. After all, he’s got a freakin’ N.J state forest named after him isn’t that enough? What company do you think should win the bid?
Tuesday’s Trash
This will probably be my next “favorite movie of all time.” John C Reilly is a genius! All I can say is: Patrick Duffy!
If you get Fearnet and you never saw it, I definitely recommend watching The Texas Chainsaw Massacre part 2. It’s from one of my favorite years: 1986. I watched it and it’s pretty good. I think some fans might’ve been turned off because it was sort of comedic. Bill Moseley is in top form as Chop Top.
WWE Summerslam is coming up on Sunday 8/26 and it’s right here in the great state of New Jersey! I’ll be front and center in the Meadowlands for this one. I’ve never had the luck to score tickets to a WWE Pay Per View so I’m pretty pumped. I’ll have a report for you. I’ll have to watch out that I don’t get hit with Triple H’s spitwater.
In Music,
It’s the end of the world: K-Fed on the WB’s One Tree Hill!
October 2nd brings Bruce Springsteen’s latest album Magic. Here’s the cover. I don’t get why it’s just a picture of Bruce and his name when it features the E Street band. It’s supposedly more rock oriented and with song titles like Girls in their Summer Clothes, Last To Die, and Devil’s Arcade, this one might be a throwback to the old school E-Street band.
Foxy Brown has legal trouble in New Jersey?
KISSology 2 isn’t as good as I expected and I’m really sick of all the different bonus discs at different stores. Can’t they just include all of that footage and charge a little more? As I get older a wild goose chase for a bonus disc of Kiss at Budokan is not what I call fun.
Speaking of KISS, did you see the end of Entourage? New York Groove played over the credits. Ari just gets funnier as the show progresses.
The Donnas have a new CD that will be released on an Indie label on 9/18.
Blabbermouth.net has an article about Axl Rose guesting on Sebastian Bach’s new album. He appears on 3 SONGS! That’s kick-ass, I don’t give a f–k I’ll say it! Love is a Bitchslap could be the best song title around since Buckcherry’s Crazy Bitch. Axl seems super humble in the interview excerpts. What’s with that? And he talks about Chinese Democracy like it’s actually gonna come out!
Film Review: Superbad 4 stars
Superbad is exactly what I was hoping for. It’s a movie where the nerds get the girls, drink beer out of laundry detergent containers, and get to shoot at a police car that’s engulfed in flames. I missed out on Knocked Up when it was in theaters so I made sure I saw Superbad and I was not disappointed.
The film is probably semi-autobiographical because the main characters/best friends Seth and Evan could be a young Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, the writers of the film. Gee, you think? Their counterpart Fogell starts out as the annoying third friend but ends up so badass that he’s getting hauled away by the cops.
Just when you think Evan is actually going to get some action, he proves that he’s too nice of a guy to take advantage of a drunk Becca. Becca (Martha Maclsaac) is dead on with her portrayal of a drunken teenage girl looking to bed down the most innocent Evan. Seth, the fat kid friend of Evan’s clearly has some subconscious gay issues but I won’t give too much away. He tries to get with Jules (Emma Stone) but it doesn’t really work out as he planned. There’s even a platonic love scene between Seth and Evan which actually feels more poignant than icky.
The storyline featuring Rogen and Bill Hader as bumbling, intoxicated police officers Michaels and Slater is the highlight of the movie. They take in Fogell (aka McLovin) who is underage trying to buy some adult beverages at the liquor store. The success with scoring with the girls they like rests on if they can swindle some liquor and bring it to a party. As he’s about to check out and actually score the alcohol McLovin’s punched out by a robber who steals money from the cash register and bails. The rest of the movie the friends frantically try to get to the party with drinks for all.
There’s no doubt in my mind that this is going to be one of those movies we constantly quote from. The film’s pace slows down a bit toward the end but it flows nicely into the resolution. Superbad’s genius mess of action and vulgarity makes for a lot of hysterical laughing which is what I did throughout. Oh yeah, listen for an awesome Zack Morris reference and that Real Ghostbusters lunchbox to name a few.
CRUSH! A Tribute
CRUSH!
When you used to turn my head into mush
When you used to make all the girls blush
CRUSH!
When you were the third member of Demolition
When you kicked more ass than Men on a Mission
CRUSH!
When you lacerated Savage’s tongue
When he put you in a rope and you hung
CRUSH!
When it was falls count anywhere
When you felt sexy cause you used Nair
CRUSH!
When you fought the Repo Man
When the business was so bad it made a new FCC ban
CRUSH!
When Mr. Fuji turned you heel
When we weren’t friends anymore, what was the deal?
CRUSH!
When you led the DOA
When I said to you, GOOD DAY!
When she said me and you should hit the hay.
When the event was over it was $50 bucks that I still had to pay?
What else do I have to say?
CRUSH!
When you were Savage’s bodyguard
When you were in charge like Commadant Lassard
When, hold on, I have to fard
When no one said I was the Bard
CRUSH!
When you hailed from Kona
When I refused to let you use my phona
When your printer ran out of tona
When you banged that red haired cougar named Mona
CRUSH!
What the World needs now is Comic Book Stores, Sweet Comic Book Stores
I’m not a big fan of shopping but I’m a sucker for a good comic book store. Growing up, going to a comic book store was one of the main things that I looked forward to. Aside from new comics, you could find boxes of 10 cent comics, random junk, posters, and the newest collectibles. Unfortunately there aren’t many decent comic stores around anymore. I think it has more to do with the personal connection that many of us had with the store owners and employees back then.
I was immersed in comic book collecting from a very young age. It all started with a back issue my sister picked up for me, Batman #349. It was 1985 and she bought it at the store that occupied the future spot of Heroes World in Woodbridge Center, I believe it was called The Paper Tiger. The cover is still etched in my mind and the style of Batman and Robin is still a favorite cover of mine ’til this day. I prefer Bronze Age Batman which is reflected in the ’70s and early ’80s comics books. For a better idea of these you can take a look at this site where you can find comic book covers of all kinds. I began collecting several Batman titles, some Superman, Supergirl, The Outsiders, and The Green Hornet to name a few. It was pretty difficult to find a comic book store before the Batman movie in ’89 created Batmania all over the place. Luckily, I started collecting before the Batman movie was on the horizon. At that time comics were getting more and more popular but they were still bought by a relatively small fan base.
My favorite shop, Comic Relief in Colonia, was where my father would take me every week. They had some really good people working there who would remember me and hold my “pull list” of comics for me back when I didn’t even know what a pull list was. For those that don’t know – they always remembered what titles I collected and which issues I was looking out for. Stores aren’t as personal anymore now that eBay and online shops exist. You don’t even have to go searching anymore, you can type in the issue and order it in a few seconds! Not to sound like an old fogey, but it was more fun back when you actually went to the shop and searched for a specific issue in the back issues boxes. It was a great feeling of excitement when you first walked in and saw all the new issues on display. What wasn’t fun was the point you realized you had a stack of 10 books and you were about to pay close to 40 bucks for them! Occasionally for a change of pace we’d go to Tommy’s Cards and Comics in Metuchen. Tommy, the owner, always acted real cocky and wore odd fishing hats. Not necessarily the kind of guy you want to buy your comics from.
Comic Relief in Colonia and Heroes World closed and I was constantly being jerked back and forth like I was on a bumper car. An avid comic collector such as myself was left without a store to get comics at. Heroes World became my destination for comic, collectibles, and action figures for several years. Later, Comic Attitudes in Menlo Park Mall was close to me and a decent enough replacement for a while. The people working there were kind of snotty and they were also overpriced probably due to Mall overhead. Eventually, out of the several locations of Jim Hanley’s Universe, the most convenient for me was the one in Fords near Vintage Vinyl. I liked Jim Hanley’s a lot more than Comic Attitudes since it catered more to the fanboy, not the mall shopper.
It wasn’t until I was about 13 years old that I discovered what I consider the mecca of comic book stores, Midtown Comics in Manhattan. I had an sensory overload when I realized all of the comics, shirts, toys, and hard to find bootleg videos they had. The only problem was that I only had the time and money to get to Manhattan maybe once a month. I started heading into Manhattan once a month to load up on comics. That was before I even had a license! NJ Transit back and forth. After the demise of Jim Hanley’s in Fords and Comic Attitudes, I started giving Adventure Planet in Edison a try. They had a great selection of books without all the glitz of other places like Comic Attitudes. It reminded me most of Comic Relief. In fact, I believe their store was originally a location of another Comic Relief. They also had a killer selection of used and new toys and figures. I used to sell a lot of my stuff to them.
I began this post basically saying there are no more comic book stores around here. That’s not really accurate, because they are around, they just aren’t the same. Or is it that I’m just older? Or is it that the personal touch and rapport that a frequent comic buyer and a store owner/employee used to have with each other?
We still have hope. I visited Little Shop of Comics in Scotch Plains and it’s a pretty decent little store. They have lots of collectibles and a wide selection of new and indy comics. Thanks to Miss Sexy Armpit, another store I visited about a year ago is actually called The Record Store in Howell. It’s pretty awesome and has a large selection of figures, comics, collectibles, and music. My buddy Rebecca reminded me that there was also Rogue Comics in Cranford, which is also a good stop. Classic Comics in Rahway is OK, but it feels like they’re watching you when you’re browsing. I hate that. Finally, I can’t leave out Jay and Silent Bob’s Secret Stash which is a fun stop at anytime I’m in Red Bank. If you know of any great comic shops please post/link them. Thanks!
Film Review: The Last Kiss 2 1/2 stars
Have you ever wanted to hammer a few nails into your eyelids so they would stop opening? I figured if I did that I wouldn’t have to watch the rest of the The Last Kiss starring Zach Braff. It was Saturday night and my girlfriend and I just wanted to relax and see what was On Demand. We came to The Last Kiss, and we both said we wanted to see it when it was in the theaters. The minute I clicked “watch” I was having second thoughts.
Upon seeing the trailer for this a month or so before it opened, I actually thought it looked pretty good. I didn’t really like Garden State, but I thought Braff turned in a good performance. The trailer was Rachel Bilson heavy, unlike the movie. The trailer also seemed like it might have been a romantic comedy, which is more tolerable than just a romance. What the movie turned out to be was completely different.
The Last Kiss was a film that explored Michael’s (Braff) feelings of apprehension about spending the rest of his life with the same woman. In the film, he described marriage as being “final.” His girlfriend Jenna (Jacinda Barrett) was pregnant with his child but they weren’t married yet. All of Michael’s friends were having issues with their girlfriends also. One of them, Kenny had a romp with a new girl he met and then bounced when she was about to introduce him to her parents. Naturally that’s the knee jerk reaction. Chris (Casey Affleck) couldn’t deal with the pressure of fighting with his girlfriend and taking care of their baby so he decided to leave her. I couldn’t stop thinking “what a downer this is!”
Michael needed to explore life away from his girlfriend and Kim (Rachel Bilson) was very cute, in college, and ready to slip her panties off. They meet at a wedding and they hit it off. Michael visits her at college and they eventually wind up having sex. (*To make matters worse Bilson doesn’t even get naked) Of course, Kim gets clingy for a moment. Michael claims he needed to be with someone else to realize how much he loved his girlfriend who caught him in a lie. After Jenna found out Michael was banging Bilson, she wouldn’t let him in the house as he pleaded her forgiveness. What a pansy. The End.
Who wants to watch a movie about a guy who gets caught cheating and gives up on life to sleep at her doorstop until she lets him back in? That’s the suckiest idea for a movie ever! The subplot was even worse. You have Jenna’s mom Anna played by Blythe Danner who is depressed about something. We find out that it’s because she thinks her husband is cold and uncaring. She’s also wrestling with the fact that she cheated on him with Egon Spengler a few years prior.
I can’t stand this trend of people cheating on each other in movies. There’s so much divorce and infidelity in real life I don’t care to watch it on screen. Movies are supposed to be escapism! It’s pretty sad. With all the negative stuff in life, wouldn’t you think people would want to watch a strong relationship depicted rather than have the burden of watching a couple with problems? The Last Kiss isn’t about infidelity, it’s about Michael’s struggle dealing with the status quo. Michael was scared of the long haul, but sleeping with another girl isn’t going to make Michael figure out what he really wants in life. Even if he marries Jenna he’ll still have those random urges to sleep with that piece of ass college girl who’s flirting with him.
EZ-Pass Thief on the loose!
From The Sexy Armpit Police blogger: Occasional cruddy, toxic waste infested locales aren’t the only thing New Jersey is known for. Many of you aren’t aware of a more prevalent problem plaguing N.J than garbage and radioactivity. It’s the fruitless thievery committed by inept, third-rate criminals.
Around 12:36 am this morning in the vicinity of a suburban N.J community (which will remain nameless) an innocent woman’s car was viciously broken into. The neighborhood was
serene as it’s citizens were in repose awaiting another hard, honest day of work.
After the ruckus occurred dogs at the residence of the victim began to bark, waking the family up. The thief left the car door and trunk open and must’ve ran away. After notifying authorities and thoroughly examining the car inside and out, it was discovered that the only item stolen was an EZ–pass tag. There are still several states that don’t have EZ-Pass. For those that aren’t familiar, EZ-Pass is a transponder you put in your car that lets you glide through tolls on highways without stopping to pay. You receive a bill in the mail detailing your account activity. What the thief didn’t think of is that the owner can easily report the EZ-Pass tag stolen and order a new tag. If the pass still works after that then I’d be surprised. Come to think of it, there’s really nothing lucrative or beneficial to gain from stealing one of these tags. If the thief raced to their nearby car they might have hopped onto the Garden State Parkway or N.J Turnpike and scammed the poor woman out of at most, a few dollars, if that. A typical parkway toll is $0.35!
So far I have failed to mention that there was a Sirius satellite radio system in the car and one of those nifty spring-loaded telescoping umbrellas. Wouldn’t you have snatched the Sirius and the cool umbrella? Bet your ass! Maybe even the whole entire car? The EZ-pass would be the last thing anyone would want to steal, right? In it’s defense, EZ-Pass is a great invention and it allows you to coast through tolls while others are waiting from Joe P. Nocoins to find the change he dropped while ordering that Big Mac he was inhaling while driving. What self respecting thief steals an EZ-pass? One from Jersey, obviously.
Surprisingly, Blue Jersey.com actually had a short post about EZ-Pass crime:
Surprisingly, Blue Jersey.com actually had a short post about EZ-Pass crime:
Funny: Ms. Kelly Clearasil Commercial
Have you seen this Clearasil ad? I think it’s hysterical. “I’m really good company” the kid says, trying to put the moves on his friend’s mother, Ms. Kelly. He proceeds to take a bit of whatever the mother is mixing on his finger and licks it seductively. Clearasil’s tag in this ad is “Clearasil may cause confidence.” It’s pretty damn clever although I don’t think it would give a guy the cajones to hit on his friend’s mom. Unless of course the friend was Bill S. Preston Esq.
Too Hard on The Two Coreys
I sacrificed watching Entourage last night to check out A&E’s The Two Coreys. In sum, Haim is really dysfunctional and Feldman is totally whipped by his raspy voiced, domineering, vegetarian girlfriend. Watching them at a total opposite point in life than they were in the ‘80s actually makes me hope for the best for them. Haim talked to the audience about their “comeback” and sadly their second coming probably isn’t happening anytime soon. Hold on a second though, none of us thought Rocky could come back and stand a chance against Mason The Line Dixon now did we? Stranger things have happened in Hollywood especially from one half of the Frog Brothers and the guy with frosted hair who had a risqué Rob Lowe poster on his wall.
As I watched Transformers in the new AMC theaters in Linden, NJ I couldn’t help but feel like it reminded me of an ’80s movie. Not for any glaring reason but for a subtle vibe running through the film, after all it’s based off of an ’80s toy line. It definitely wasn’t blatant but consider the mainstream schlock that Michael Bay is typically responsible for. When making such generic blockbusters it’s not hard to make a movie that gives the impression that it could have been made in a different decade. The main reason why I got that ’80s vibe was surprisingly Shia LaBeouf’s kick-ass performance. You could pick up on his versatility and his comedic timing was dead on. Here’s where you’re all going to abruptly jerk your steering wheel to the right to dodge the oncoming unexpected comparison to yes…Corey Haim and Corey Feldman: the two guys that the entire world may tie back to. I’m in no way saying that we can compare a rising star like Shia LaBeouf, the guy who’s already starring in Indiana Jones 4, to “washed up” guys like the Two Coreys. What I am saying is that people should think twice before completely lambasting them.
So what, they got caught up with drugs and bad reality shows. They are human, and they just so happen to have been the same guys who probably would have been cast in Transformers if it was made into a live action movie in 1987. It might pain you to think about it, but it’s true. Nothing that LaBeouf did was new. We could have easily taken either of the Coreys circa 1987 and inserted them in that role and they would have been equally as comedic and considering inflation, equally as successful at the box office.
Perhaps they’ve had a run of bad luck, but America is never satisfied with the abundant amount of nostalgia that gets spat back out at them. Once you think you had it to the gills with the Surreal Life, Flavor of Love, and Scott Baio programming it’s time for more! Knock the Coreys all you want but clearly there is a demand for them. You might try to consider the impression that movies like License to Drive and The Lost Boys left on you. Let’s not forget movies like The Goonies, The Burbs, and Dream a little Dream. The Coreys were on magazines and wallpapered every girls bedroom at the time. And to the guys: don’t act like you didn’t think Corey Feldman was friggin‘ hysterical in every movie he did. He was definitely a guy who we could all relate to. Think of him in Friday the 13th part 4. How many of us were exactly like that when we were young? How about Haim in License to Drive? It’s his best role and evokes very similar feelings we all had when we hit 17 and were about to hit the road with our new licenses. All I’m saying is back off already! The Two Coreys contribution to the world has been solidified a long time ago. If producers, advertisers, and public demand deem it necessary to supply us with another dose of the Coreys, then so be it!