sexyarmpit, Author at Sludge Central

Rumors of Jersey Devil Movie Are Bloody True!

Posted on October 2, 2011 by sexyarmpit

Since talk of the new big budget Jersey Devil movie, The Barrens, has proven true, now all we can to do is wait and hope that it doesn’t SUCK royally like it’s predecessors. Carny, and 13th Child were far from spine tingling and I hope that the producers of this film ensure that they do everything in their power to learn from previous train wrecks.

The plot centers around a father who takes his family to the vast woods of the Pine Barrens in New Jersey for a camping trip. While at Wharton State Forest, he believes they are being stalked by The Jersey Devil. All I can say is that if this gets a theatrical release I’ll be first on line, otherwise I’ll be pre-ordering it on Bluray!

Hopefully being released next fall, Stephen Moyer of True Blood will star in the film. It’s a shame that future Garden State Playmate Brit Morgan, who plays Debbie Pelt on True Blood, has not been cast in the film. She’s from Marlton, New Jersey and having a Jersey girl in the film would add to the authenticity.

The Barrens comes to you from writer/director/and producer, Darren Lynn Bousman, who was also the guy who brought us Saw II and Repo The Genetic Opera. Unfortunately though, The Barrens was filmed in Toronto, not actually in Jersey, but it’s still awesome news nonetheless!

Fall in New Jersey by Nick “N.J” Holden

Posted on October 1, 2011 by sexyarmpit

Our featured writer Nick “N.J” Holden ushers us into the fall:

Put the cover over the pool and say goodbye to the hot sunny days

When time slowed to a snail’s pace and five minutes alone

Floating on an inflatable raft took all your troubles away.

Here come all the lovely colors from the trees crashing down

Painting the grass orange, yellow, and crimson here and there

While the cold fall winds begin to come around.

Get off the beach and dusk off the backpack

And time to splurge on new clothes, books and stuff

All the while wishing the summer would hurry back.

Forget the long leisurely breakfasts and time to spare

In the morning; get ready to fight traffic on the roads and those

Stupid drivers who seem to have no worry or care.

Pack up the bathing suits, towels, and the barbecue grill

And bring on the Halloween costumes and other festivities

As we wait the other holidays that test our pockets and good will.

Hopefully the fall will be free of rain and other headaches

Because once it leaves us and winter charges in

There’s all this wicked snow for Goodness sake.

But don’t worry; all in good time

We’ll be sweating again down in Seaside

And not worrying about all these rhymes!

“Temptation Is a Part of Life…” and It Made Me Buy Pebbles Boulders

Posted on September 29, 2011 by sexyarmpit

Tasty cereal is like a great song. It can be enjoyed again and again. Although, just recently, a great song came to mind after eating an atrocious cereal. In the 1991 dance pop song “Temptation,” Corina sang the lyrics “Temptation is a part of life, it doesn’t matter if it’s wrong or right.” Back then its classic club beats brought many people onto dance floors, but if there was a dance club in my mouth, Pebbles Boulders turned my taste buds into wallflowers.

In the summer, on my friend Greg’s site Half Assed Productions, I saw that Fruity Pebbles released yet another spin-off cereal. This came a long time after the release of 2010’s disappointing Marshmallow Pebbles. Those would’ve been better if they were Marshmallow FRUITY Pebbles, but instead they failed because they offered a weird tasting vanilla/graham flavor pebble.

Giving into temptation is what the song is about and it’s exactly what I did when I was at Shop-Rite the other night. I bought a box of Pebbles Boulders. Why, Why, Why did I do this? Why is it that I continuously fall for limited release food gimmicks? Slap “For a Limited Time” or “Limited edition” and my curiosity gets the better of me. Most times I think to myself “This flavor is probably so incredible that they would sell out of it so fast so they could only produce limited quantities…NEED TO BUY.” We all know that limited edition cereals are rarely as good as their original counterparts, but somehow I fall for them anyway knowing they will most likely SUCK!

With a flavor such as stone age caramel apple, I thought it sounded original enough that it could be good. I thought about how many cereals have been apple flavored aside from Apple Jacks and Apple Cinnamon Cheerios, and there hasn’t been too many, at least on my local store shelves. In the end, I brought home the Boulders and tried a bowl. It’s hard to believe just how heinous the flavor is. They taste like ass, ketchup, and caramel apples all smashed up in a dirty gym sock. Apologies to the food flavor innovator who formulated this one. It’s too bad because Boulders is a great name for a spin-off Fruity Pebbles. And Fred Flintstone looked so convincing of their deliciousness on the front of the box.

On a side note, ever since I was a kid I have been continually disappointed by cereals, especially limited editions. I know many of you remember the Batman cereal that came out after the 1989 Batman movie. That was just Captain Crunch in bat-shapes! Then the Ghostbusters and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cereals both failed to impress me, but with further forced consumption I grew more fond of them. Not having that instant love affair with a certain cereal meant that they really weren’t that impressive. Gone are the days of my favorite cereals ever: Strawberry Shortcake (yes I’m a dude), Smurfberry Crunch, E.T, and C3P0’s. Cereal companies would make a TON of people happy if they dug up the recipes for these and re-released them. Permanently.

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 84: AT LAN TIC CITY!!!

Posted on September 28, 2011 by sexyarmpit

If you’d like to know the story of the creation of this t-shirt, read the actual first hand account transcribed below:

HANK:

“So Bob, what do you say we make a t-shirt?”

BOB:

“Sounds fun Hank!”

HANK:

“How’s about we make a shirt for that place we love so much, the world’s playground?”

BOB:

“Oh you must mean that dagnabbit place that I gambled away my retirement money away in!”

HANK:

“Of course Bob! But I think we could make a cool million off this t-shirt. What do ya say we just get a yella t-shirt and print the words Atlantic City, New Jersey on it?”

BOB:

“Why that’s the best idea you ever had!”

HANK:

“Well ahh shit. Dammit Bob. I just thought of somethin’.”

BOB:

“What? What is it pal?”

HANK:

“If we try to fit ATLANTIC CITY all on one line the letters are too small and I can barely read it.”

BOB:
…….

“I’ve got it! What if we continue the letters on the next line like so:”

(motions with his hand)

ATLAN

TIC

CITY

NEW JERSEY

HANK:

Well, I’ll be damned Bob! That’s it! Whoever said you were a dope had shit for brains. That there t-shirt will be selling like hot cakes in luxurious dollar stores all along the classy Atlantic City boardwalk, you just watch!

Terra Nova in New Jersey: The Hadrosaurus Foulkii

Posted on September 27, 2011 by sexyarmpit

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NwXn5C6S8Q?rel=0]

Earlier tonight our love affair with dinosaurs continued with the premiere of Terra Nova on Fox. I have yet to watch the show because it’s on my DVR awaiting me to check it out sometime this week. In the meantime, in a state filled with highways, refineries, and shopping malls, it’s fun to think about how dinosaurs ruled the area at one time.

We’re actually lucky enough to have an official state dinosaur in New Jersey, the Hadrosaurus Foulkii. If your state only has a state bird or state dance, then you’re really missing out. Write a letter to your congressmen! So, how does a state get it’s own dinosaur you ask? Well, in our case, back in the Cretaceous period, Haddy roamed the land that now features a putrid smelling Turnpike, an infamous guido infested shore, and the same land that I call home. But seriously, 80 million years later a teacher and her students in Haddon Township helped get the creature made into our official state dinosaur.

Here’s a little background on the dino: Haddy was about 25 feet long and weighed nearly 8 tons. Since it was a herbivore it wasn’t ferocious – according to WikiDino, it only ate “twigs and leaves.” Back 1838, in Haddonfield NJ, the first remains of Haddy were found, but it wasn’t until 20 years later that it was officially documented as the most complete set of dinosaur bones unearthed in the world at that time. In 1868 it became the first ever mounted dinosaur skeleton.

How pissed have you been your whole life that dinosaurs are extinct? You really wanted to hang with Haddy didn’t you? Well, you still can! Sculptor John Giannotti created his own version of the Hadrosaurus which has resided in the center of the business district in downtown Haddonfield since 2003. For photos of the sculpture and all the info you can ever want about the creature, you can visit Haddy’s official site here: http://hadrosaurus.com/index.shtml

Girls Jello Wrestling at Rutgers

Posted on September 26, 2011 by sexyarmpit

Since Mondays force us back into the grind I figured this would be a nice distraction. via College Humor

http://www.collegehumor.com/e/39874

AD JERSEUM 13: Boardwalk Empire in Atlantic City

Posted on September 26, 2011 by sexyarmpit

For last year’s premiere of HBO’s Boardwalk Empire, the ad campaign was seen all over Atlantic City. The series of posters for the first season were beautifully painted and appeared in magazines, blogs, and naturally, along the boardwalk in Atlantic City. You might have also seen these posters while you were baking on the beach because they were all over the pier.

Not too long ago Miss Sexy Armpit and I saw a couple of billboards for the 2nd season of Boardwalk Empire on the Atlantic City Expressway. These were more of a viral type ad campaign in contrast to the lavish artwork used in the 1st season’s campaign. The Atlantic City Beautification Project is a bit of a ruse if you don’t bother to look at the rest of the billboard. Since Atlantic City has actually made progress in beautifying it’s central area with new landscaping, upscale outdoor shopping, various restaurants, and Jay Z’s 40/40 Club, one might think that the A.C Beautification Project was a real municipal initiative. Either way, the ad indicates that we have Nucky Thompson to thank for it.

When seen from your car before you split off to go to your casino, this smaller version of the billboard is even more realistic. It’s like one of those homemade signs stuck in someone’s lawn promoting a candidate for a spot in the local government. Props to HBO for another cool localized ad campaign. The only thing that could make it feel more real is if it said Nucky Johnson!

Let Me Plan Your Weekend in NJ

Posted on September 23, 2011 by sexyarmpit

– Tonight, the legendary Loews Jersey Theater in Jersey City has a Caper Films series going on and THE ORIGINAL Thomas Crown Affair will be showing tonight. This movie kicks ass and nothing beats Steve McQueen and the hottness of Faye Dunaway. 8:00 PM (Also this weekend: Take the Money and Run and The Sting)

– On Saturday catch NJ rockers Scarlet Carson are headlining Starland Ballroom in Sayreville, NJ for their CD release party. Several other great bands are featured as well such as: The New Black, Life Without Warning, and Jaded Faith.

– Also on Saturday night, the glammed out pop/rock band Sweet Fix will put on their musical spectacle when opening up for ’80s safety dancers Men Without Hats at Mexicali Live in Teaneck, NJ.

– Elaine’s Dinner Theater presents the horror spoof Gone With The Werewolves through November.

– The Hexagon Players will put on their production of Wizard of Oz at Bernards High School in Bernardsville NJ through October 1st. http://hexagonplayers.org/

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.59: Seinfeld’s Face Painter

Posted on September 22, 2011 by sexyarmpit

Earlier tonight in preseason NHL action, the New Jersey Devils beat the New York Rangers. But, as you know, this isn’t a sports blog. Although, there aren’t many things that get people as passionate as they do for sports, except maybe The Simpsons, and Seinfeld.

Seinfeld freaks know every episode, so this one is for you! In the 6th season (1995), Elaine went on a date with hardcore New Jersey Devils fan David Puddy played by Patrick Warburton. Just before they leave to go see the Devils/Rangers game at the Garden, much to Elaine’s shock and dismay, he reveals himself to be a face painter. Puddy was just one of those crazy fans who the camera pans over to after a huge play or when the home team is trying to get a rally going. Elaine will have none of it because she thinks “it’s insane.”

“We’re the DEVILS!” (to the priest)

With his diabolical looking face paint on, Dave even scared the crap out of Kramer at first! With a Brodeur jersey on and his face full of grease paint, Puddy screamed at the top of his lungs during the game. The Devils wound up winning and Puddy rubbed it in everyone’s face, including a priest’s! The priest thought he was the actual Devil! Sports fans out there know the kind of intense fan Puddy is. I’m a fan of Patrick Warburton and he was the perfect casting choice to pull off this character. I think he’s a funny dude and if you aren’t familiar with him, you’ve probably heard his distinctive voice overs everywhere.

At the end of the episode Elaine tries to break it off with Puddy because of how much the face painting is weirding her out. He tells her he’s going to stop for her and all seems fine after that. Later, they are messing around on the couch and Elaine opens Puddy’s shirt to discover a big red “D” painted on his chest so he can spell out Devils with other guys in the crowd at the game.

The Making of Sludgey

Posted on September 21, 2011 by sexyarmpit

Sludgey was a character I created with my friend Steve to promote not only The Sexy Armpit website, but also the now defunct podcast that was available via the site. It feels like ancient history now since it was back in 2004! I killed off the podcast because it was a lot of work and I preferred to write and create other things for the site instead.

The Sexy Armpit podcast may have disappeared rather quickly, but Sludgey never went away. The little whacked out sarcastic slime monster always managed to weasel his way into my website. Whether he appeared in my header or elsewhere on the site, he was always there. Eventually I used him as my Twitter avatar since the first day I joined several years ago. Many of you recognize him from talking with me on Twitter. So, Sludgey has come a long way and I’m happy that I was finally able to bring him out of the computer screen and into reality.

Thanks to Liz at Puppatoons, The Sexy Armpit is proud to finally unveil our puppet Sludgey! Liz worked with me to create a version of Sludgey that was basically the fleece version of my Twitter avatar. I explained to Liz how I wanted him to look and we went back and forth with sketches and details, and not too long after she sent me some “making of” photos which were awesome. Sludgey came packed securely and, now, a few months later, he’s making his YouTube debut!

You can catch Sludgey in “Get Sludgey to Starland” an episode of The Sexy Armpit Show on YouTube. In it, Sludgey begs and pleads to go to see his favorite band, NJ rockers Scarlet Carson, but the Starland Ballroom won’t allow him in. Check it out! Give it a LIKE!

To see and read more about Liz’s puppet creations go to her blog: http://puppatoons.wordpress.com/

Author: sexyarmpit