jersey shore Archives - Page 7 of 9

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 52: Jersey Shore Variety Pack

Posted on June 2, 2010 by sexyarmpit

Shore Whore Jersey Shore T-Shirt available at Clutch Tees

Guido a Real Jersey Shore Hero available at Crazy Dog T-Shirts

No, these tees aren’t actually available in a variety pack, don’t be so literal! If they did come in a pack it would be pretty awesome, I’d be having flashbacks to the days of the Wise Chips variety pack in the long box which included Bravos, popcorn, Potato chips, and Cheez Doodles; there were so many possibilities! What would I discover in my lunchbox, or should I say treasure chest? Back then, I had my favorite, and I know you did too. Bravos were the best because even though they were flimsier than a Dorito, their flavor was more subtle. So, much like tearing into a lunchbox sized bag of the second string nacho chip, if you can’t actually be at the Jersey Shore this summer, at least you might as well pretend you’re there with these t-shirts.

The Jersey Shore Palm Tree Tee and Jersey Situation T-Shirt sold at Solid Threads

Even though MTV’s Jersey Shore brings a lot of attention to New Jersey, it’s not the best kind of attention. With guidos there is a lot of obnoxiousness, a melange of stenches made up of gallons of cologne mixed with body odor, terrible dancing, and tees with sweaty pits. All 12 of you who aren’t from Jersey originally and never lived in Jersey at one time or another, please understand that the experience of going “Down the Shore,” isn’t as much of a train wreck as you see on MTV’s stereotypical reality show. It’s nothing like walking around Malibu, California mind you, but we love it anyway for some f-cked up reason. Trust me though, except for certain bars and clubs, the actual Jersey Shore has nothing to do with the lobotomized guidos who have popularized it.

*Out of these tees, the Palm Tree shirt is my favorite because believe it or not, you’d be hard pressed to find a palm tree amongst all the refineries and toxic waste. At first glance The G.I Joe parody is pretty cool, but I would never step out of the house wearing it. Which one is your favorite?

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 49: Guidon’t!

Posted on April 27, 2010 by sexyarmpit

GUIDON’T T-Shirt available at T-Shirt Bordello

The great Darius Whiteplume of Adventures in Nerdliness brought this tee to The Sexy Armpit’s attention. Guidos have been associated with Jersey since the dawn of time. When cavemen roamed the land, tanned, roided up, fist pounding, shaved beasts scientifically referred to as Guidos gallivanted around New Jersey. For the past several years anthropologists knew they weren’t officially extinct, but they definitely seemed dormant for a while, until now. Thanks to MTV’s Jersey Shore we’ve seen more and more guidos come out of the woodwork, almost as if they think it’s socially acceptable to be a Guido now. Go back and take refuge in the club where you belong! The Guido has become a mockery and this shirt sums up that sentiment perfectly. Regardless, they are more marketable now than ever because of Snooki, The Situation, and the rest of MTV’s Jersey Shore cast. The graphic on this tee would make a great logo for Guidobusters: The Movie, how much do you want to bet it gets greenlit before Ghostbusters 3?

**T-Shirt Bordello refers to this shirt as their “Fist Pumping Tribute to Jersey Shore” and it’s “made of 100% cotton for that comfy feeling you get after changing the channel from Jersey Shore.” Just before this post was published the tee was on sale for a rock bottom price of $2.99, so get it while you can! www.tshirtbordello.com

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.38: Baby It’s You

Posted on April 11, 2010 by sexyarmpit

I had not heard of Baby It’s You until a couple of years ago when I discovered that it was based in Trenton, NJ so I wanted to check it out. Recently, I rented it from Netflix and even though there’s been many occasions where The Sexy Armpit has been known to save a film merely based on its ties to New Jersey, as you will read in this review, even with the added feature of seeing Rosanna Arquette’s boobs for the bazillionth time, Baby It’s You is better left undiscovered.

Baby It’s You, is based on a story by Trenton-born Amy Robinson, and begins in 1966, and progresses into the early ’70s. The soundtrack is classic, but even it can’t incite the plot, if you want to call it that, to miraculously become interesting. Considering the film was made in 1983 and is set in 1966, when I heard the first Springsteen track play it was obvious the filmmakers were taking some creative license. Featuring some of Springsteen’s best songs worked well within the film and it kept with the Jersey theme, but it wasn’t enough to rescue the dismal film out of the depths of the Delaware River.

The flaw of the film is that the two main characters are unlikeable. Our main character, Jill, played by Rosanna Arquette, gets courted by a more suave version of a greaser who calls himself Sheik. Sheik (Vincent Spano) dresses to the nines to make up for the fact that he’s pretty much a loser and has daddy issues. For some outrageous reason, he thinks that he’s going to be a singer someday and make something of himself. Shiek’s mom is very sweet and encouraging while his father is tough on him. I didn’t feel bad for Sheik’s home life at all, nor did I have any sympathy for Jill’s situation. Jill seemed to have a perfect situation, she was an above average student who lived with 2 caring parents in a nice house. She aspired to be an actress and she succeeded in high school and college, but not without Sheik proving to be a distraction in her pursuit.

Get this, Sheik’s aspirations were not to be an actor like Jill, but to be a singer like Frank Sinatra. Now, if he could only actually SING then he’d be headed in the right direction! This guy looked like he would be a crooning version of Tony Manero. His dream is to do a night club show where he lip syncs to songs from Sinatra, Dean Martin, Paul Anka, and others. What kind of a lousy dream is it to lipsync to songs played from a stereo at a night club half filled with old drunk people? The dude winds up working at a club in Florida lip syncing along with songs, not even doing Karaoke. Karaoke singers seem like Pavarotti compared to this guy. If you’re halfway decent at the video game Rock Band then you already have more talent than Sheik! With all his expensive suits helping to play up his image, Sheik was clearly trying to find an identity. Sheik was overcompensating for the fact that he didn’t really have any talent, but knew that he wanted to be a famous singer. It was hard to relate to this character, since it’s easy to realize when you just aren’t cut out for something.

His advances toward Jill were just plain creepy. They didn’t even know each other and he just plopped himself down at her lunch table one day, came on strong, and then wondered why she wasn’t receptive to him. Eventually, Jill falls for this metrosexual bad boy. She agrees to let him take her out. Sheik brings her to a dive bar and ignores her to hang with his friends at a completely different table for the entire night. What a douche! Oh yeah, was there a time when you were allowed to drive on the boardwalk? Or was this another way for him to demonstrate what a badass he is? Shiek was basically the film’s answer to late ’60s guido. Maybe guidos have a license to drive on the boardwalk?

“The way I figure it, there’s only 3 people in the world that matter.

Jesus Christ, Frank Sinatra, and Me.”

– Albert “Sheik” Capadilupo (It’s must be the late ’60s version of GTL)

Sheik had a bad temper. Spano played him like a completely unhinged slimeball, especially when Sheik informs Jill that he got kicked off the basketball team. She tries to get away from him and tells him to leave her alone “Whattya think you’re too f-cking good for me?” he says before launching her school books down the hallway. He throws a fit and hits the locker like an immature little bitch. What’s with this guy? Was this how Jersey Shore would have been in 1966? In a later scene, while looking for Jill, he trashed her dorm room before she returned. After she walks in to see him, Arquette barely shows any feeling of shock that he has just completely trashed her place. “…my stuff” she says in a docile tone. Yeah. That’s what I’d say if I came home to find that my shit was thrown around the room and the place had been totally ransacked. “…my stuff.”

As you can see, Jill is just plain stupid. Sheik and his pal actually wind up kidnapping Jill and her friend. He grabs them, tosses them in the car, puts a gun to them, and speeds away. Maybe I wasn’t interpreting this scene and the ones that followed correctly, but it seemed like a truly dumbass move for Jill to forgive him after what he did. If I put myself into Jill’s character, I just can’t relate to her, but you can bet your ass that I would NOT continue dating someone who kidnapped me at gunpoint. Crazy bitch! Is this entire movie just about Jill’s infatuation with “the wrong guy?” How pathetic. At one point, Sheik even bangs one of her best friends!

The theme of the film seems to be “I’ll love you no matter how fucked in the head you are.” With all the emotions that were desperately pleading to be relayed to the viewers, they never come across. It’s a shame because the movie intends to mirror the frustration, confusion, and chaos that makes up a teenagers transition into adulthood. It’s a downer and it fails to convey these feelings because of our lack of sympahty for the two main characters. Their lives aren’t that bad, in fact, they are pretty damn good. After watching the film, the characters seemed like 2 spoiled brats who are bored with their suburban upbringing. They are basically normal teens who are going through the same crap that everyone else goes through. Baby It’s You isn’t sure what it wants to be, but what it does agree on being is a f-cked up love story with some damn good shots of Asbury Park.

Jersey Shore Bobbleheads

Posted on April 7, 2010 by sexyarmpit

MTV’s Jersey Shore Bobbleheads available at Entertainment Earth

You’ve officially made it when there’s bobbleheads being made of you. Pictured above are renderings of what the upcoming MTV’s Jersey Shore Bobbleheads will look like, and they don’t look bad, except for The Situation. I don’t think it will matter to him that his face looks a bit odd because he’s still showing off his trademark abs. I imagine that the only people who will buy The Situation’s bobblehead are his young female fans. Come to think of it, I don’t know anyone who owns or buys bobbleheads, so I’m under the impression that Bobbleheads are exclusively sold to Bobblehead collectors. More importantly, who the hell wants to watch Snooki’s head bobble around? Couldn’t they have made her a “booblehead” instead? Bouncing boobs are always a source of endless enjoyment, and it’s a surefire way to make Snooki’s bobblehead a hit unless they design her head to jerk back and forth like she’s getting punched in the mouth.

Super Mario Bros: Jersey Shore

Posted on April 2, 2010 by sexyarmpit

via popped culture

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 45: Popeye at The Jersey Shore

Posted on March 30, 2010 by sexyarmpit

Popeye Jersey Shore T-Shirt available at 80’s Tees.com

When mashing up MTV’s Jersey Shore with a cartoon property, Popeye is not the first to pop in my head. But, this T-Shirt mash up actually brings an amusing idea to the table. Could this be a novel way to breathe new life into Popeye for a whole new generation of young viewers? A guido version of Popeye could definitely be funny and it’s not improbable to think that Adult Swim, Comedy Central, or even Fox would jump on airing it. For the next few minutes, just imagine that Popeye’s crew got shipwrecked and washed up on somewhere on the Jersey Shore.

First, we’ll need to see if we can compare the stars of MTV’s Jersey Shore to the characters in Popeye. Ronnie could pass for Bluto (or Brutus as I knew him from reruns as a kid), and for Olive Oyl you can take your pick between Snookie, JWoww, and Sammi because they are all annoying enough to fill that role. Unfortunately, there’s no debate that Vinny would have to be the hamburger eatin’ straight man, Wimpy, and finally Popeye would be The Situation, although he’s nowhere near as heroic, and instead of ripped abs, Popeye’s got killer forearms, gee, I wonder if it’s because Olive Oyl doesn’t put out enough? Oh, and as for DJ Pauly D, we’ll let him create the modern fist pounding theme song for the show.

Ad Jerseum 4: AT&T on the GSP

Posted on March 5, 2010 by sexyarmpit

Ad Jerseum: So much Jersey advertising it’ll make you vomit!

I really don’t care if you can or can’t hear me now. I don’t give a crap that you think Luke Wilson got fat. Who’s the biggest, who’s the best, 4G or 35G, who has the iPhone killer; the answers to all of these questions are meaningless. If only our brain power went into important things rather than worrying about how to swindle your way out of your cell contract and bypassing termination fees so you can switch and get that phone you really wanted.

After seeing ads like the one pictured above, ATT may have convinced you to switch over to their service despite incessant complaints about it’s poor coverage. Perhaps seeing your future swayed your thinking a little bit. Millions of people drive the Garden State Parkway to head to the Jersey Shore in the summer, and God forbid you don’t have a cellphone! Do people forget the severe legal penalties that exist for talking on a cell phone while driving? I see about half of the people on the road yapping away without a care in the world. Ahh, who cares, right? In this advertisement, those cars are lined up in “full bars formation,” so as long as we have coverage to talk to our friend Melissa with the whiny Staten Island accent and the 4 foot long fingernails then all is right with the world.

Whether you’re using an iPhone, a Droid, a Blackberry, 2 tin cans with a string, or mental telepathy to communicate, it’s all B.S. The fact that I hear people on a daily basis engaging in heated debates about what cell phone carrier has the best service is complete idiocy. The bottom line is that all of the companies suck ass because they all provide mediocre service, atrocious customer service, and are ridiculously overpriced. You can buy the cheapest voice plan, but when you want a smartphone they tell you that you can’t have one unless you buy an unlimited or high priced data plan. You started out thinking you would save some cash by getting a cheap voice plan and then you wind up paying more than double thanks to the data plan and the various extra charges and fees. Who knows what those are for. At that point, you realize you’re paying $100 bucks a month so you can download one stupid ESPN app. What’s more important is the fact that many of us actually are paying over $100 bucks monthly for a single cell phone plan.

Please stop buying into all the hype. ATT vs. Verizon is like McDonald’s vs. Burger King and Pepsi vs. Coca Cola. We’ll never see the end of it, but can’t we stop with all the nonsense about coverage and if you can hear me know, and reliability, and missed calls? I personally don’t give a crap. IT’S A CELL PHONE FOR F-CKS SAKE! We’re not deciding the fate of the world here people! There are so many more important things that I’d prefer my mind get bombarded with during the duration of a day than having to listen to the public girl fighting between two ridiculously rich and greedy cell phone companies.

Wireless providers should have learned long ago that lobbing lame insults at each other only makes them look weak, and it’s NOT what I call advertising. Bitching about each other is what happens in high school. Get the f-ck over yourselves. So to all the cell phone providers out there, Verizon, ATT, T-Mobile, Sprint, etc, you all need to MAN UP and learn how to make a convincing case for your product without acting like little immature children. And obvious New Jersey puns are off limits as well.

Jersey Shore Cast on Ellen

Posted on February 25, 2010 by sexyarmpit

via imbringingbloggingback

http://wbads.vo.llnwd.net/o25/u/telepixtv/ellen/us/video/player/embed.swf

Scarfin’ It with The Armpit

Posted on February 23, 2010 by sexyarmpit

Blitzburgers in North Brunswick

Regardless of America’s obesity epidemic, hamburgers seem to be more popular than ever. Blitzburgers is capitalizing on this popularity with their own eclectic array of burgers, along with chicken burgers, hot dogs, salads, sandwiches, and paninis. Perusing the Blitzburgers menu will give you a case of the old momentary “decisions, decisions” disease. You’ll really have to use process of elimination to determine which burger you’ll order since the menu, specifically their burger repertoire, is so huge. I ordered #21, The All American Burger with American Cheese, pickles, tomatoes, onion, ketchup and mustard, although I was secretly fantasizing about #19, the Jersey Shore Burger which includes pork roll, fried egg, and american cheese, mmm…aka The Burger that WON’T get you abs like The Situation’s. The burger was awesome, but the only aspect of it that disappointed me was that it had two patties in it. I was only expecting one and two slabs of meat not only make the burger sloppier, but I also felt kind of disgusting after eating such a gigantic burger. Blitzburgers also has another location in New Brunwick.

Blitzburgers Grill and Cafe

468 Renaissance Blvd. East

North Brunswick, NJ

Sliders Bar and Grill in New Brunswick

The Tex Mex Chicken Slider with avocado and monterey jack cheese was a perfect sized portion so I didn’t feel stuffed before heading to The Stress Factory later that night. The chicken patty was cooked just right and was very flavorful, but my only gripe with this slider was that the bun was too small for the patty. I understand the concept of a mini burger, but the roll did not cover the circumference of the patty, which bothered me. As you can see, the presentation is trendy and more upscale but the prices are very reasonable. The decor at Sliders is very cool, equipped with TV’s all around, they boast an awesome bar, and bubbly waitresses who aim to please.

Sliders Bar and Grill

378 George Street

New Brunswick, NJ 08901

My Cuban Rose in Kenilworth

We started with a couple of empanadas and then what was delivered to me was the most massive, gigantic piece of breaded chicken I’ve ever seen in my life. I originally wanted a pork dish but they were out of the breaded pork entree so I played it safe. The chicken was brought to the table and my girlfriend noticed that it looked like the shape of the United States. At first I wasn’t sold, but when you really look at it, it does bare a resemblance, although conspicuous by its absence is Texas. The chicken was crispy, delicious, and very thin. On the side they give the option of black beans and rice, but I recommend the option of the black beans and rice mixed together. I wound up taking much of the dinner home because there was so much food. I think I got another 2 meals out of the leftovers! There’s a laid back atmosphere at My Cuban Rose, although the waitresses seemed like they were too busy to pay proper attention to each table. I also had a hard time understanding our waitress since she had a very thick accent. My Cuban Rose also offers catering, takeout, and hand rolled cigars.

My Cuban Rose

625 North Michigan Avenue

Kenilworth, NJ 07033

Thai Thai Cuisine in Edison

Thai Thai Cuisine’s service was top notch and the food was right on par with the best Thai food that I’ve had. My girlfriend and I started off with an awesome appetizer of Chicken Satay with peanut sauce. For our meals we ordered the Pad Thai, and I requested mine HOT. It was an exceptional meal and did indeed provide a good amount of heat, but of course I had a gripe. All of the shrimp pieces still had their tails, and that pissed me off because if the tails were removed I could’ve scarfed down the whole meal without having to pinch out the shrimp meat. I like when that stuff is taken care of by the restaurant before I dig in. It was a minor annoyance but it grew worse when I realized that I ate a piece of shrimp with its tail and I didn’t care much for that at all. Overall, Thai Thai Cuisine is a definite winner if you’re fan of Thai food. You can also visit their other location in Old Bridge.

Thai Thai Cuisine

Shop Rite Strip Mall

Route 1 and Old Post Road

Edison, NJ 08817

Ad Jerseum 3: Corona “This Island Jersey”

Posted on February 16, 2010 by sexyarmpit

“Bundle up!” not cheery. pissed. have to walk outside in 19 degree weather. shovel. scoop. toss. shovel. brush snow off car. get into car. residual snow falls onto seat. sit down, ass gets wet. turn car on. crank up defroster. get out of car. scrape ice off windshield. spray de-icer on windshield. begin to drive even though glass still fogged up. “Can’t be late for work!” obviously not smiling. roll down window. more snow falls into car. stick head out so I can see where I’m going. wonder why I don’t live here:

Believe it or not, I’ve been trying to track down a picture of this awesome billboard for a long time, but to no avail, until now. A few years back while on a train ride to New York City, I saw the same billboard as pictured above in Newark and thought it was one of the coolest beer ads ever. Corona ads have always taken a different approach from other beer brands. I praise Corona’s ad campaigns for making abundantly clear that they are a different breed than your average brew. This is cerveza. Sure, it’s easy to sell beer to frat boys. Bud, Miller Lite and Coors Light ads, all seem to say “I’m a masculine guy who loves sports and sexy women who love sports, now let’s get wasted!” Listen up, I’m not giving Corona props just because they were brazen enough to feature the Garden State in one of their ads, but they actually do present themselves in a more sophisticated light.

The regional aspect of this billboard accomplished more than what an average ad could. Back on that train ride, I took a glimpse of the billboard for a fleeting second but the image stuck with me. Momentarily, my mind was whisked away to the alluring, mysterious, and deserted island of New Jersey where beer runs from bathroom faucets and the warm ocean water is blue and the sand is soft and white. This visual only works for a few seconds until I abruptly flashback to what I actually have to deal with on a daily basis. In the winter, I wait about a minute and a half for my faucet water to become luke warm, so let me verify that no beer comes out. Then of course, our ocean water is usually frigid, which is more scary than refreshing even on sweltering days, and it’s dirty, nay, probably contaminated. The sand? Fuggedaboutit. Broken shells, cigarette butts, garbage, mashed up jellyfish, crab carcasses, used condoms; It’s all displayed for you like an unexpected putrid potpourri. You thought a vacation at the Jersey Shore was supposed to be all fried Oreos and Snookie? Ha. It’s a tough call but I’m going to say that Corona’s imaginary Jersey Island is intensely more appealing. I can envision myself right now relaxing on the beach, with my feet massaged into the soft white sand and the only thing I might have to defog is my sunglasses.

*A big thanks goes out to Michael William Sullivan for taking this perfect shot of the Corona Billboard. I’ve gone to several lengths to get a hold of this ad directly from Corona and the ad agency who created it, but neither were helpful. It would seem that presenting an ad on a blog could only mean free advertising for the product, right? Maybe next time when The Sexy Armpit knocks on their door they’ll give up the goods. Check out all of Michael William Sullivan’s excellent photography here at his Deviant Art page.