Ashley Tisdale is January’s Garden State Playmate!
Classic WWF/WWE Event Cards from New Jersey #3
In past installments of Classic WWF event cards I’ve mentioned my disappointment with attending frequent wrestling shows that lacked A-list wrestlers. Today’s post features an event card that would make any wrestling fan at the time pop big time. In the early to mid ’90s, WWF provided family entertainment but never chinced on the good stuff that the true fans wanted to see.
Let’s take a look at the WWF’s event card which took place at the Meadowlands Arena on May 22nd, 1993. The second I heard that the Hulkster was going to be appearing at a house show in New Jersey, I seriously hulked up. I panicked, and even though the tickets weren’t on sale yet, I felt so nervous that I would miss out. I got great seats and I counted down the seconds until I heard “Real American” blast through the arena. Thanks to Hulk Hogan teaming up with his “bionic brother” Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake (they are good friends, not relatives) the Tag Team Championship would be on the line in the MAIN EVENT! It’s rare to see the tag titles up for grabs as the main event of the night but Hogan was the WWF Champ after beating Yokozuna at Wrestlemania 9. The Mega Maniacs would be taking on the formidable and experienced champs Money Inc, which comprised IRS (Mike Rotunda) and The Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase. To ensure order in the match and to lessen the chances of IRS’ mysterious briefcase getting bashed into someone’s skull, Sgt. Slaughter was appointed special guest referee.
Back then, Giant Gonzalez was our massive equivalent to The Great Khali. He was a stone faced gargantuan guy who wore a furry Slim Goodbody unitard. For some strange reason, he would feud with Randy Savage at house shows all over the country.
A good friend of Randy Savage, the late Crush, had an interesting feud with Doink the Clown. You might think for a minute that Crush was in wrestling purgatory for having to participate in such a lampoon of a program against a clown, but that’s not the case. At the time, Doink the Clown wasn’t the silly, corny circus act that we know now. Doink was an evil, twisted clown and his character was actually pretty interesting. Crush was a great babyface and powerful in the ring, yet Doink’s pranks and stunts were effecting the Kona Crush. Surprisingly, this matchup kept the capacity crowd’s attention and was one of the most entertaining matchups on the card.
Click Here to read my tribute to CRUSH!
For days and weeks after the house show, the most surprising moment of the show came when Tatanka beat Razor Ramon. At the lunch table in school the next day my friends asked how the show was and all that burst out of my mouth was “TATANKA BEAT RAZOR RAMON!” Regardless of heels and faces, I had favorites on both sides of the fence. In this instance, Razor Ramon was a heel and Tatanka was a face and new to the WWF. I was fans of both of them but I didn’t think Tatanka would be able to subdue Scott Hall who was one of the best in the business at the time.
The Steiner Brothers vs. The Headshrinkers feud went on for a while and it always brought out some fantastic old school tag team wrestling. The Steiners were made up of sheer power and technical skills while The Headshinkers were uncivilized yet methodical. The Steiners went by the book while the Shrinkers were reminiscent of their Samoan wrestling relatives.
After clucking around as the Red Rooster, Terry Taylor went over to WCW and eventually made his way back to the WWF. Upon his return, he lost the silly gimmick and wrestled as himself. “Terrific” Terry Taylor faced The Rocket Owen Hart who was beginning his solo career sans Koko B. Ware his High Energy teammate.
Considering all the years of punishment and repression Virgil’s character had to go through, I’d love to see a HUGE return by Virgil to squash Randy Orton’s minion Ted DiBiase Jr.
Also, notice the ICO-PRO ad at the bottom? Perhaps Vince should bring this shit back so his wrestlers would stop getting persecuted about taking Steroids: “OUR WRESTLERS TAKE ICO-PRO…SO SHUUUUUT UUUUUPPPPP”
Christmas Gifts: Better Late Than Never
Perhaps the gift most worthy of mentioning here on The Armpit, just for its sheer appropriateness, was one I gave rather than received. My father and uncle were both recipients of The Sopranos Chianti. If you’re Italian and from Jersey, you are almost certainly a Sopranos fan. Actually, if you are a living, breathing, human with a modicum of
Classic WWF/WWE Event Cards from New Jersey #2
For the 2nd installment of Classic WWF Cards we go back to July 7th, 1988. I didn’t expect much this time since the event took place at a local high school. For those of you not from around here, Perth Amboy isn’t necessarily the ritziest town, but then again it’s not that much better than the swamp the Meadowlands is built on.
Nearly one year later from our last installment of Classic WWF cards, Dangerous Danny Davis is still feuding with George “The Animal” Steele. It goes to show how long feuds used to last and how the WWF would squeeze every drop of excitement out of them that they could. I believe George Steele consumed 433 lbs. of turnbuckle padding during this feud.
Our local son Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Haku is one of those matches that doesn’t sound spectacular at first, but turned out to be one of the more exciting on the card. Those two wrestlers always managed to exceed expectations. When Haku went out on his own I thought, “O h g r e a t h e’ll t a k e t h e w r e stling w o r l d b y st o rm for s u r e.” in my most dry, sarcastic inner tone. I didn’t care much about Haku unless he was tag-teaming with Tama in The Islanders. On the other hand, the late Bam Bam always intrigued me since he carried a lot of weight, but was super quick and agile. Seeing him come down to the ring, menacing, with flames on his outfit and his bald head all tattooed up was quite a sight. His cartwheels and diving headbutts made for an entertaining attraction, although he remained underrated throughout his career.
I never caught one of Leaping Lanny Poffo’s frisbees, and as gay as it sounds, I always wanted to. I don’t know if it was because I just wanted to catch something thrown from a wrestler in the ring, or if it was really because I thought it was a cool concept. Printing a poem he wrote on a frisbee and throwing it out to the crowd: cool or uncool? Nowadays it seems like an insanely silly idea, but at the time it was fun for the kids. Poffo’s later turn as The Genius seemed to have been more successful, but nowhere near the caliber of success that his brother “Macho Man” Randy Savage attained.
The card is finalized with a statement that throws salt in the wound: All NON-Title Matches! Regardless of the lack of headlining WWF superstars, I fondly recall my dad taking me to this event and having an awesome time. We sat only a few rows from the ring with a seat near the entrance, so I got to slap some of the wrestler’s hands. Be quiet…it’s thrilling for a young wrestling fan.
How I Discovered Music Not By Clicking a Mouse
Mining through my parents vinyl LP collection was something I did often as a kid. On a summer weekday morning when my parents were working and my sister was yapping on the phone in her room, I’d be gazing in wonderment as I opened a colorful gatefold record sleeve.
A few of my favorite albums to look at were The Beatles’ Greatest Hits The Red Album 1962-1966, The Blue Album 1967-1970, and the Bee Gee’s Saturday Night Fever Soundtrack, simply because I thought they looked ridiculous (this coming from a kid who at the time thought Brutus Beefcake and Jesse “The Body” Ventura were the epitome of cool.) I was also mesmerized by every other album in their vast collection ranging from Benny Goodman and Artie Shaw to Sinatra and Streisand. I’d also feel remiss if I left out the free Christmas albums they got from the gas stations.
Discovering music in this paleontological way was risky. What if I scratched one of their records? I’d feel terrible and they’d immediately know it was me since I was the only “hi-fi curious” one in the household. In subsequent visits to my parents record collection, which resided in a shelf under the stereo components, I made sure I was extra careful. Once I got the courage to actually put a record on the turntable, I placed the needle ever so gingerly onto the groove of the record. I may have had my first heart attack at that tender young age when I heard the record playing on the wrong speed. After my ears nearly bled, and I almost soiled myself, I was convinced that I ruined their pristine records. Seconds later, I figured out what the problem was.
The album was released in 1968…so what? I was a little kid and the music sounded fresh and rocking to me. All their big ones were on here, including “Good Lovin’,” “How Can I Be Sure,” “It’s Wonderful,” “Groovin’,” “I’ve Been Lonley Too Long,” “Mustang Sally,” and “You Better Run.” What made listening to the album a complete sensory experience was that I could hold the album and stare at the comic strip style cover art that featured each member of the band. I remember wondering to myself “which one of them is singing?” during each song I listened to. It was almost 20 years later and The Rascal’s music sounded upbeat and made me feel like jumping around. What made them even cooler was that I remembered that my mother told me how a couple of members of The Rascals went to her high school and hung out in town before they were famous. (Eddie Brigati and Dino Danelli are both from Jersey.) In Bruce Eder’s All Music.com review of Time Peace, he writes “Arguably the greatest greatest hits album of the ’60s. A White-Soul classic.”
New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.15: Lex Luthor Aims Missile at Hackensack, NJ!
Classic WWF/WWE Event Cards from New Jersey #1
Welcome to ringside folks! It’s a slobberknocker here at The Sexy Armpit where we’re taking a look at the FIRST in a series of Classic WWF/WWE Event cards. An event card is the rundown of all the matches that take place at a house show, Live TV taping, or a Pay Per View. These cards are from events that I actually attended, and as we get into later posts in this series you’ll notice the quality of the cards diminish greatly. Nowadays you don’t see these match listings as much, since so many storylines change at the last minute, and occasionally a wrestler slated to appear gets replaced due to injury. But for now, let’s enjoy the classic days of the WWF as we take you down to Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura!
New Jersey’s Not Wearing Foot Pads!
Finally someone has spoken out about how absurd those silly “seen on TV” Kinoki foot pads are. The pads supposedly remove toxins from the body when applied to the bottom of the foot overnight. If you couldn’t immediately tell that these things are bullshit then you seriously need to have your brain functionality checked out. NJ consumer affairs officials have filed a lawsuit for violating NJ’s consumer fraud act. THANK YOU for waking up all the people that buy into this crap. If you get these in your stocking for Christmas this year, I’m giving you the silent treatment.
Here’s some excerpts from Michael Diamonds’ Asbury Park Press story about it:
“The foot pads were advertised on infomercials and the company’s Web site as a prescription to remove heavy metals, metabolic wastes, parasites and cellulite. They were billed as “perfect for diabetes, arthritis, fatigue, high blood pressure, insomnia and weight loss.”
“The lawsuit, filed in state Superior Court in Ocean County, said the companies last fall began an extensive advertising campaign, touting a pad that customers could place on the bottom of their feet, removing harmful toxins and boosting their energy.”
The Day the Earth Stood Still on the NJ Turnpike
In his review in the N.Y Times of the remake of The Day the Earth Still starring Keanu Reeves, A.O Scott fills in on the New Jersey aspect of the film:
“A metastasizing swarm of metal bugs — the best special effects in a movie
that often looks cheap and bedraggled — is dispatched to eat us and everything
we’ve made, or at least everything on the New Jersey Turnpike.he goes on to say:
“Its scenario and many of its scenes feel ripped off rather than freshly
imagined — why do aliens always seem to end up in New Jersey?…”
Normally I don’t heed the majority of movie critic’s warnings but in this case I will. I can’t imagine this being mind blowing in any capacity. Even though Tom Cruise’s War of the World’s was filmed in NJ, I would personally still like to see some more alien action here. We’ve already seen Los Angeles and New York City have prominent roles in sci-fi and action films, so let NJ have a go at it for a while!