According to Josh Tyler from Cinema Blend.com, for the first time in his career, Kevin Smith will direct a film that he didn’t write. Warner Brothers’ “caper comedy” A Couple of Dicks will star Jersey guy Bruce Willis and 30 Rock star Tracy Morgan. Sounds like a great team up to me!
Gondry – Be Kind, Don’t Ruin The Green Hornet!
I have to admit, I wasn’t quite sold on Michel Gondry after seeing Be Kind Rewind. Certainly, that doesn’t mean I dissapprove of him being at the helm of next year’s Green Hornet film. Gondry chose to set Be Kind in New Jersey and in my world that’s like a Julius Erving baseline scoop even if the film sucks. Want proof? I spent over an hour writing about Dark Ride.
“…she couldn’t get the doors open.”
In Be Kind Rewind, the “odd couple” buddy team of Mike (Mos Def) and Jerry (Jack Black) put their heads together to figure out how to save Mr. Fletcher’s (Danny Glover) dilapidated old corner video store in Passaic, NJ from being turned into the town’s newly constructed center of commerce.
“…you must never slam the door or the building will collapse?”
Mike gets electrocuted while attempting to disable an electrical plant that’s apparently melting his brain, and then walks into the video store. His proximity to the rental tapes erases them all. In reaction, Mike and Jerry have a novel idea to record their own films and rent them out to customers. The “sweded” versions as they’re known as, inadvertantly get so popular with the customers from around town that they begin raising alot of money to save the store. Unfortunately, the amount of money raised wasn’t nearly enough to save the store.
Mike and Jerry replicate a scene from Ghostbusters as they bolt through the doors of the Passaic Public Library
Be Kind Rewind sparkled only occassionally and ultimately failed to showcase the skills where Gondry excels (see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind). The plot to Be Kind Rewind was inventive, but stock in many ways. Gondry used several typical movie conventions but I was expecting a far more cryptic affair considering Gondry’s innovative rep. Mike and Jerry could’ve been trying to save Average Joe’s Gym in Dodgeball or the South Harmon Institute of Technology (S.H.I.T) in Accepted. This scenario is overused, but otherwise the film was light, and enjoyable. It’s not one I’d watch multiple times though. Was Gondry attempting to win the mainstream? The film is not without merit, but the New Jersey backdrop is what turned me on the most.
The Green Hornet From Sony Pictures
Gondry had previously worked on a Green Hornet script around 1990. He wanted to be involved in the latest project so badly that Seth Rogen, in an interview with MTV, revealed: “To convince the studio to let him do it, he filmed a fight scene on his own.” Rogen expressed his awe of the short, action packed footage which leaves me with peace of mind. Hopefully Gondry will muster up all that avant-garde talent he’s got and use it to assemble a truly standout action film about the green cloaked vigilante. I trust that we Green Hornet fans are in good hands.
To many people, Seth Rogen seemed to be an odd choice at first. I feel like the team on this film must be inspired by the characters and the story of GH to come out with their Hornet Sting’s blazing. They are banking on a character who was popular in the golden age of radio, and during the ’60s when superhero campiness was at an all time high. Just like Evan (Michael Cera) says in Superbad: “I’m not too worried about it, really. I wouldn’t worry about it. Don’t worry about it. I’m not worried at all.” If you’re still worried after that, just keep in mind how much Rogen seems to have slimmed down for the role of Britt Reid/GH since he was announced. He looked as if he was never even a chubster at the Academy Awards last week, so perhaps he will fit through the door of Black Beauty after all!
Why You Need Kevin Smith’s Zack and Miri Make a Porno on DVD & Blu-ray
Kevin Smith’s Zack and Miri Make a Porno is available today on DVD and Blu-Ray. I fought the treacherously slippery roads and 3-4 inches of snow and headed to Best Buy to pick up my copy. It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard about this film, if you read The Sexy Armpit, and even somewhat enjoy it, then I’m positive you’ll like this film. If for some insane reason you haven’t seen it and still need to be convinced, see it for these reasons:
5) Katie Morgan is nude. Very nude. Oh and Traci Lords is C3PO! (see above)
4) Craig Robinson is hysterical. “Han Solo ain’t never had no sex with Princess Leia in the Star War!”
3) Elizabeth Banks is hot. If you don’t believe me…watch Wet Hot American Summer.
2) See what happens when Brandon Routh (Superman) and Justin Long drink one too many cosmos. Together they provide one of the most classic pieces of banter out of all of Kevin Smith’s films. That’s quite a remark considering such classic quotable competition from the likes of Clerks, Mallrats, and Chasing Amy.
1) The moment depicted in the screen shot above. They plan on making a Star Wars PORN! If you’re sick and tired of the ridiculously delayed homage to Star Wars, Fanboys, then these Star Wars porn scenes will more than tide you over.
Can’t Wait for Adventureland!
Film Review: The Spirit
“…I guess you guys aren’t ready for that yet…but your kids are gonna love it!” – Marty McFly, Back to the Future (1985)
It looks like the public just wasn’t ready for an over the top spectacle like The Spirit. Screw The Dark Knight for ruining chances of another comic book themed film achieving any sort of success! I am fresh off seeing The Spirit and my first reaction is that it traveled right over people’s heads. The storytelling in the film isn’t typical, and it’s appearance isn’t easy to adjust to, but I found these aspects enhanced what might’ve otherwise been a generic film based on a lesser known comic book character.
Gabriel Macht was a perfect choice for The Spirit, and pretty much seems like he could play ANY super hero for that matter and knock the role out of the ball park. The role was campier than I expected, but also serious, and thankfully not too serious. For guys at least, the eye candy is tremendous. We get to see Eva Mendes and Scarlett Johansson (among others) glam it up in old school style as they fog up the screen seductively. If you’re not convinced yet, The Spirit contains one HOT fleeting Eva Mendes ass-shot which I found to be highly agreeable. But if for some reason you’re not into hot ass shots and Scarlett Johansson’s voluptuous…uh…lips, then by all means, go and enjoy the fine work of Samuel L. Jackson as The Octopus! Even though Samuel L. will be Samuel L. whether he’s playing Jules Winnfield or Mace Windu, it really doesn’t matter because he’s just a lot of fun to watch because he enjoys his job so much.
Don’t go into it expecting Superman, or Iron Man, because this is a very different film. The Spirit is highly stylized and at first you aren’t sure if you’re supposed to laugh or cringe. When in doubt, laugh! This is a movie based off a comic book dammit! I’ve read critics’ reviews that have bashed this film for every detail including “I didn’t like the fact that The Spirit had to punch Octopus so many times.” Are you kidding me? If you can’t handle how a comic book would look on the big screen, then don’t waste your time. This is a comic book movie etched in retro style that isn’t brooding and marinated in realism, so if that appeals to you, I suggest you see The Spirit before it disappears from theaters. Well, I’m not pressuring you to go to the theater of course, especially since the DVD will probably get released in a few weeks. Still, I plunked down the cash to see it and I’ll definitely be shelling out more when it hits on Blu-Ray.
Did Elisabeth Shue Bankrupt New Jersey?
It’s been almost 25 years since Elisabeth Shue played Ali “give me back my radio” Mills, Danny Larusso’s love interest in The Karate Kid, so it’s about damn time she made some headlines again. This time, instead of playing the girlfriend of an Italian Jersey boy who learned how to wax on and off, she was actually instrumental in New Jersey losing a bunch of cash. For NJ to lose more money than it already has seems impossible.
Gracie, a film about a Jersey girl who wanted to play competitive soccer, did not make enough revenue to turn a profit. Almost 4 years ago, NJ’s Economic Development Authority wrote off a $2 million dollar loan to the film’s producers to pay the tab for Jerseyites Andrew Shue (a co-writer on the film) and his sister Elisabeth to star in Gracie. The loan was granted by state lawmakers in hopes of boosting movie production in New Jersey. The filmmakers also have to pay back the film’s lead financial backers Goldman Sachs, who shelled out $7 million dollars to make the film.
NJ.com’s story about the $2 million dollar loss, garnered numerous comments that ranged from infuriated people who criticized the state’s lack of fiscal responsibility to others who had the idea of re-shooting the film with gratuitous frontal nudity and sex scenes and then re-releasing it. Oh you wacky Jersey folks! There may be a lack of moolah here, but there’s never a shortage of PORN!
Regardless of NJ being “in the hole,” Elisabeth Shue could probably afford to send me a kickback from her residual check because I keep her entire filmography in rotation. Just the other day I checked my brain at my front door and popped Hollow Man into the antique “DVD player.” Let’s talk about that one scene where Josh Brolin is about to get his bang on with her. We would’ve had a nice fleeting ass cheek shot, but her granny thong is in the way. That was the most ginormous whale tale in the history of the existence of the term “whale tale.”
Even though Shue is no spring chicken, she’s still a hot and seasoned actress who has starred in a bunch of other films close to my heart. You are all beasts for condemning her turn as Jennifer Parker in Back To The Future II and III. Leave her alone, she was in a catch 22 situation! She had to fill the “shues” of Claudia Wells who had a sexy appealing sex appeal. And no…that wasn’t a typo. Wells was not only sexy, but supportive as her character Jennifer rooted Marty on: “You’re good Marty, you’re really good!” I love that kind of encouragement, especially when she’s being “encouraging” in the back of my black Toyota 4×4 down at the lake.
For all her years of service to horny men out there, The Sexy Armpit gives Elisabeth a bye this time. Perhaps we could all demand that her brother Andrew refund the money to the state via his windfall that came through after Melrose Place made it to DVD?
The Day the Earth Stood Still on the NJ Turnpike
In his review in the N.Y Times of the remake of The Day the Earth Still starring Keanu Reeves, A.O Scott fills in on the New Jersey aspect of the film:
“A metastasizing swarm of metal bugs — the best special effects in a movie
that often looks cheap and bedraggled — is dispatched to eat us and everything
we’ve made, or at least everything on the New Jersey Turnpike.he goes on to say:
“Its scenario and many of its scenes feel ripped off rather than freshly
imagined — why do aliens always seem to end up in New Jersey?…”
Normally I don’t heed the majority of movie critic’s warnings but in this case I will. I can’t imagine this being mind blowing in any capacity. Even though Tom Cruise’s War of the World’s was filmed in NJ, I would personally still like to see some more alien action here. We’ve already seen Los Angeles and New York City have prominent roles in sci-fi and action films, so let NJ have a go at it for a while!
They Live Starring John Cena?
io9.com has an exclusive interview with WWE’s John Cena regarding the possibility of him starring in a remake of 1988’s They Live. Will he step into Rowdy Roddy Piper’s role for the modern day take on the film?
I’m glad to read that io9 is referring to Cena positively. All you Cena haters aren’t being forced to watch RAW last I checked. Go watch TNA, UFC, or Hulkster’s Celebrity Wrestling!
Notes on an ’80s Scandal: “Mr. Mom” Jack Butler’s Shocking Secret!
How many times have you heard the statistic that 50% of marriages end in divorce? I for one have heard it so many times that it makes me wonder why people get married in the first place. I take Gene Simmons stance on the subject, he remains “happily unmarried.” One of the most prominent reasons for rampant divorce is infidelity. Even the model husband is still not exempt from having his will power melted by some hot lingerie clad minx who’s bent on bedding him down.
Take the sexily milfish Joan (Ann Jillian) from Mr. Mom for instance. Her character was a divorcee whose main excitement consisted of grocery shopping, male revues, playing poker for coupons, and gossipping about daytime soaps. She didn’t fly into fiery jealous fits of rage and she never tried to make Jack’s wife Caroline’s life a living hell. She was slick and subtly made herself an accessible part of Jack’s life. Caroline wasn’t present that often in the household while she was pursuing her career, so Joan took advantage of a perfect opportunity to steal Jack’s affections away from her. She planned to be everything Caroline wasn’t. Unlike Caroline, Joan was enticed by Jack for who he was. She liked his beard, his old flannel shirt, and the fact that he gained a little bit of weight: “I like a man with a little meat on his bones.”
It wasn’t long before Jack had a dream involving Joan seducing him. We all know that’s the first step in realizing you want to bang someone. Let’s face it though, considering how thick she laid on the seduction sauce, it would’ve been pretty damn easy for Jack to fall into her clam trap. Alas, in the film Jack wakes up and the viewers can rest assured that it was only a dream. Don’t worry, our male-mom hero hasn’t cheated on his loyal wife. But has he?
The FBI agents here at The Sexy Armpit took a trip to the archives to view footage from the cutting room floor of Mr. Mom, and we found some interesting evidence. Actually, what we came across was more of a sex tape. Believe it or not folks, long before the days of Pam and Tommy, and Paris and Rick, Jack and Joan made a sex tape. Unfortunately, I do not have lawful clearance to show the footage to you, but I can clue those in who have an insatiable lust for the juicy tidbits: There was tons of anal.
Would you have been able to resist Ann Jillian knocking at your door, then opening her trench coat to reveal some sexy lingerie? Are you sure? She was ready to tend to Jack’s every want and need. I’m sure whatever fantasy he conjured up in his head she would’ve made it happen, after all, she was the original desperate housewife.
It wasn’t until recently when I made the connection and started gathering evidence to make my case. I realized that a few years later, in the 1989 film The ‘Burbs we have living, breathing proof of the Jack and Joan liaison in the headbanging neighbor, Ricky Butler. Ricky lived in Mayfield Place and relished in watching the hijinks his neighbors got themselves into. Just by his physical appearance I noticed the similarities Ricky had to Jack and Joan.
Ultimately, Jack Butler stayed with his wife Caroline but never admitted to her that he had actually bumped uglies with Joan. His sons Alex and Kenny grew up and were never aware they had a stepbrother. Listen up guys, your dad is a rotten cheating mr. man-whore! Joan never told anyone about her and Jack’s baby. Upon learning she was pregnant, Joan relocated to Mayfield Place when she realized she would never have Jack all to herself. (Incidentally, the set of The ‘Burbs is now used as the set for Desperate Housewives.) In her new neighborhood, she went on to become the town’s happy drunk and earned her title of town floozy. She decided that she wanted little Ricky to keep Jack’s last name in honor of her love for him. Little Ricky did not grow up to build cars like his dad, but he did become a skater/metalhead who obviously inherited ladies man status from his father: “Hey uhh Mrs. Rumsfield…no tan lines this morning…looks nice!”
Is it curious that we never actually see Ricky Butler’s parents in The ‘Burbs? In 1989, Michael Keaton was most likely too busy being Batman to make a cameo as Ricky’s estranged father. Let this be a lesson to all those bored homewrecking housewives out there: stop seducing your girlfriend’s hardworking husbands! Their almost non existent will power is no match for your shrewd womanly ways. A word to the wise: If you are going to pull a “Jack and Joan,” always keep in mind that you may just wind up with your own little mistake. Then again, who wouldn’t want a scraggly poster child for Vision Street Wear like Ricky Butler running around?
The Wrestler starring Mickey Rourke filmed in New Jersey
In The Wrestler, starring Mickey Rourke, it seems that Marisa Tomei plays a stripper. I’m a big fan of her recent renaissance as an on screen sexpot. Anytime Marisa Tomei is nude or partially nude is a good thing (see Until The Devil Knows Your Dead). I’ve pondered how incredible she looked under those clothes since I was a kid watching A Different World and now I wonder no more. How does this work into The Sexy Armpit you say? Some scenes in The Wrestler were filmed in New Jersey and a new Bruce Springsteen track is featured in the closing credits.