Pop Tarts: Vanilla Milkshake

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Boy, am I relieved that Kellogs has infused CALCIUM into their morning toaster pastries. Never before has eating a Pop Tart been this exciting! Even before adding their new ingredient, Pop Tarts weren’t the worst choice for a fast breakfast. With the latest info that calcium may ward off colon cancer, you have the perfect excuse to eat these babies 3-4 times a day at a minimum. When you see what all the people at my job are eating at the cafeteria in the morning, these Pop Tarts don’t seem all that bad in comparison.

I’ve always been a fan of Pop Tarts, but more specifically, untoasted Frosted Cherry or Frosted Brown Sugar Pop Tarts. I feel ancient when I stroll through the aisle at the grocery store and see all these crazy variations of Pop Tarts considering I remember the days when Kellogs only offered about 4 different flavors. Now you name it, they offer it. I wouldn’t be surprised if they release Creme Brule Pop Tarts, or even Tiramisu. (I was just kidding but I found out they actually make Dulce De Leche) Clearly, Kellogs is taking this a little overboard, but the big push for exotic varieties in toaster pastries really makes the brand name Pop Tarts stand out on the shelves.

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As a cousin to their Strawberry Milkshake version, Kellogs has released Vanilla Milkshake Pop Tarts. Whenever I go to White Castle, I have to order a vanilla milkshake. I’m not sure why but it’s just something about their shakes. I enjoy vanilla milkshakes so I was banking on these Tarts being pretty damn awesome. As soon as I got home, I poured a highball of ice cold milk, grabbed a paper plate, and ripped open the foil wrapping. Colored sprinkles were sparse, but the fact that they were there made me happy. I cut the first tart in two pieces and noticed the filling was pretty gooey and moist which was an immediate difference from the other varieties. The fruit filling is usually more of a paste-like consistency.

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The flavor was dead-on-balls accurate! These things taste just like a vanilla milkshake! The milkshake flavor is authentic and the sweetness isn’t overpowering. I recommend them if you are a fan of vanilla milkshakes. Next I’m hoping to try Orange Cream, whole grain, and their Fiberrific versions.
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Christina Milian is February’s Garden State Playmate!

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Although she moved out to Los Angeles when she was 13, Christina Milian’s still a Jersey girl at heart. Born in Jersey City, NJ, Milian has enjoyed success as a multi-faceted entertainer. 

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Milian skyrocketed from Wendy’s and Honeycomb commercials to movie credits that include American Pie, Torque, Love Don’t Cost a Thing, and Pulse with Kristen Bell. If you haven’t seen the remake of Pulse give it a shot, it’s pretty damn creepy. My personal favorite role of hers is 2005’s follow up to Get Shorty, Be Cool, where she plays singer Linda Moon. Also in the film, you’ll get to see Vince Vaughn’s superb role as a pimp (which he also did on Pimp Chat on SNL) and Dwayne Johnson (I still call him merely “The Rock”) as his gay bodyguard. Look out for Aerosmith, Gene Simmons, and Danny Devito along with a host of other cameos in the film! Milian has also starred in the video game Need for Speed: Undercover.

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Milian first love is making music. “Dip it Low,” and “AM to PM” are a couple of her successful singles. She’s also co-written for J-Lo, and supplied the theme song for Disney’s Kim Possible, “Call Me, Beep Me!” Milian recently signed with Myspace records and her upcoming 4th album, Dream in Color, which will be released in April of ’09. The album is said to feature Milian’s collaboration with Kanye West. “Us Against the World” is the first single from the album and in the video you can see why she was chosen to be February’s Garden State Playmate!:
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The Beastie Boys: From White Castle to the Nile? Scratch That. New Jersey!

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Have you ever wondered what the correlation is between The Beastie Boys, South Orange, Slyders, and Secaucus? No? Well, I’m going to explain it anyway!

Aside from White Castle references that make Harold and Kumar feel inadequate, The Beastie Boys are also associated with NJ. Not only was Adam Horovitz a.k.a King Adrock born in South Orange NJ, but the Beastie Boys also refer to the NJ town of Secaucus in 2 of their songs:
“We’re from Manhattan, You’re from Secaucus”
Rock Hard
“You’re From Secaucus – I’m from Manhattan”
The New Style
In addition to geographical name drops, sprinkled throughout the lyrics of the album, the Beasties make their lust for the mini burgers abundantly clear. It’s unbelievable how many people from around the world first heard of White Castle through listening to The Beastie Boys’ debut album License to Ill. Just type it in a Google search and you’ll see what I mean! Plateoftheday.com, a food blog, claims that “White Castle burgers if you don’t know, were first made popular by a Beastie Boys song back in the ’80s.” All I can say is…wow. If giving each person in the world the power to go on the Internet means granting them permission to spew such innacurate and outrageous comments, then I say people like that need a License to Internet. 
BTW, Even though they were founded in 1921, NJ is one of only 11 states that have White Castle restaurants. Such a pity for the other 39 states! Now If you’ll excuse me, I’m about to grab two girlies and a beer that’s cold…
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Kid Rock Rocked The Borgata in Atlantic City

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On February 13th, I had to forego my viewing of the new Friday the 13th film since I already had plans to go with a couple of friends to the Kid Rock concert at the Borgata in Atlantic City. I’m not one to pass up a kickass rock show, especially since I’ve seen Kid Rock twice and he’s thoroughly entertaining. Rock’s Twisted Brown Trucker Band deliver the goods like a punch in the face. They made me want to mosh during “Bawitaba” but the crowd was pretty lame, and Rock’s fans have grown older. I was a junior or senior in high school when Kid Rock jettisoned to fame, and that was over 10 years ago!

Rock never quits during his performances and it’s clear that he loves what he does and he’s proud of the music he’s created. Between songs Rock relayed that his friend once told him that 30 million people watch American Idol, so he performs for …”the 270 million people who DON’T watch that bullshit!” Throughout the show Rock was the center of attention, although members of his band came up and joined him for vocal solos, guitar shreds, duets, and even a sax solo. Through his music and his stage show, Rock conveys his love for many types of music as hints of other famous songs creep into their set. During the concert, Rock’s band played hints of AC/DC’s “Back in Black,” he sang “Cat Scratch Fever” while pounding the drums, and Rock even crooned his rendition of “Good Ol’ Boys,” the Dukes of Hazzard Theme Song, which I even caught on video:

Here’s Part 1 of clips I shot at the concert:

Part 2:

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New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.17: NJ’s Commemorative Quarter

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For President’s Day, and in honor of the stimulus package getting passed, let’s take a look at currency kicked with a dash of Jersey. According to Wikipedia, in 1997, Bill Clinton signed the 50 States Commemorative Coin Program Act into law. The US Mint honored all 50 states with their own commemorative quarter. The coinage raked in quite a bit of dough for the government just based on collectors alone.

New Jersey’s quarter was the 3rd release in the state quarter series, which wasn’t too shabby. Delaware and Pennsylvania were the only states that preceded the Garden State’s. NJ’s coin features George Washington’s army crossing the Delaware on his way to surprise the Hessians and wreck house in the Revolutionary War. We’ve all seen this before. The reverse side design is inspired by the 1851 Emmanuel Leutze painting Washington Crossing the Delaware. I really thought NJ could’ve sprung to throw an original design on there rather than a painting we’ve been looking at for over 150 years.

According to usmint.gov, this quarter was the first circulating coin to feature George Washington on both sides. (I guess they had no idea that I have GW’s silhouette tattooed on both of my asscheeks.) I find it ridiculous that it took a board of 15 people (descriptively referred to as the New Jersey Commemorative Coin Design Commission) “who were selected for their backgrounds in history, art, and numismatics,” and Christine Todd Whitman all to approve a coin design! Talk about overkill.

For those who aren’t on board with the stimulus package, why don’t you lobby for another set of state quarters, but a series more accurate to modern times? New Jersey’s will obviously feature refineries, toxic swamps, and the Jersey Devil smiling giddily giving a thumbs up. California’s would naturally feature Dutch from Predator puffing on a cigar resting his machine gun on his shoulder as the Hollywood sign rests on the hills behind him. What’s up with New York you ask? Gozer the Gozerian is shooting laser beams right at us from high atop Dana Barret’s apartment building with terror dogs on each side of her. Florida? C’mon that’s a no brainer! Scrooge McDuck. Now I’d buy those for a quarter!

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Most Romantic Moments Heard on my iPod Part 2

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Valentine’s Day is one of the cheesiest days of the year. Boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands and wives are supposed to be good to their significant others all year round, but for the past oh…let’s say 200 years, thanks to Valentine’s Day, we’re only contractually obligated to be nice once a year. I look at V-day simply as an unecessary occasion where men have to buy overpriced flowers and candy for their lady.

If you love someone, you should profess your love often, and in a variety of different ways. One way is to make a playlist on your lovers iPod or go old school and make them an actual mix CD. For hints on some of the best musical expressions of love, here’s part 2 of the most romantic songs heard on my iPod. If you are a completist and would like to read the first installment, then click here!

I want you, in a vinyl suit, I want you bad
The Offspring – I Want You Bad
I know you’re hungry I can see it in your eyes
She’s lookin at me like I’m a side of fries
I wanna take your chubby ass back to my place
And squirt my baby gravy all over your face
Steel Panther – Fat Girl

She took a lightsaber to my heart
And she picked my brain with a pocket knife
Marvelous 3 – Cold as Hell

You got a body like the devil and you smell like sex
I can tell you’re trouble but I’m still obsessed
Because you know you’re so hot, I want to get you alone
So hot, I wanna get you stoned
So hot, I don’t want to be your friend
I want to fuck you like I’m never gonna see you again
Kid Rock – So Hott

She calls and I come runnin’ back, I call, she never calls me back
What’s wrong with me I’m so addicted to you…
and you’re such a dick to me
Lit – Addicted

Don’t come hangin’ around my door

Don’t wanna see your face no more
I don’t need your war machines
I don’t need your ghetto scenes
The Guess Who – American Woman

The plaster’s gettin’ harder and my love is perfection
A token of my love for her collection

…

And my love is the plaster
And yeah, shes the collector
She wants me all the time to inject her

KISS – Plaster Caster

Put your hand in my pocket
Grab onto my rocket
KISS – Take Me

You know I thug ’em, fuck ’em, love ’em, leave ’em
Cause I don’t fuckin’ need ’em
Jay Z – Big Pimpin’

I used to love her, but I had to kill her
I knew I’d miss her
So I had to keep her
She’s buried right in my backyard
Guns N Roses – I Used To Love Her

Girls Don’t Like Boys, Girls Like Cars And Money
Boys Will Laugh At Girls When They’re Not Funny
Good Charlotte – Boys and Girls

Need your love 1,2,3
Stop starin’ at my D cup

Don’t waste time, just give it to me
C’mon baby, just feel me up
The Donnas – Take It Off

Hey! You’re a crazy bitch,

but you fuck so good I’m on top of it.
When I dream I’m doing you all night,
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on.
Buckcherry – Crazy Bitch

You say you’re cried a thousand rivers
And now you’re swimming for the shore
You left me drowning in my tears
And you won’t save me anymore
Bon Jovi – I’ll Be There For You

You let me violate you, You let me desecrate you, You let me penetrate you
…
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
Nine Inch Nails – Closer

She dashed by me in painted on jeans
And all heads turned ’cause she was the dream
In the blink of an eye I knew her number and her name
Ah she said I was the tiger she wanted to tame
Billy Ocean – Carribbean Queen
I hope she’ll say, “Hey me and you should hit the hay!”
I asked her out she said, “No way!”
The Beastie Boys – Girls

One more thing before you go
would you please give me my records back
My Bloody Valentine, The Pixies, Cheap Trick and Back In Black
You can keep the dog we bought but you can’t go near the Standard Bar
Don’t hang around, don’t call my friends, They won’t know who you are!

American Hi-Fi – The Breakup Song

I don’t drink tea
Or white chablis
I sit around and watch tv
Don’t send flowers
Or take showers
But I’ll be there to pull your weeds

Alice Cooper – Fantasy Man

I know you’d like to thank your shit don’t stank
But lean a little bit closer
See that roses really smell like poo-oo-ooo
Yeah, roses really smell like poo-oo-ooo
Caroline! See she’s the reason for the word “bitch”
I hope she’s speeding on the way to the club
Trying to hurry up to get to some
Baller or singer or somebody like that
And try to put on her makeup in the mirror
And crash, crash, crash.. into a ditch! (Just Playing!)
Outkast – Roses

But it all was bullshit.
It was a goddam joke.
And when I think of you Linda,
I hope you fucking choke.
Adam Sandler – Somebody Kill Me Please

I try to love you but sometimes it’s just a pain in the ass
RATT – I Want a Woman
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A Compendium of Curse Words from The Sopranos!

Posted on by sexyarmpit

I saw this video thanks to Ken Shane, a NJ writer and performer.

It’s a montage of EVERY curse word used in EVERY episode of The Sopranos! Happy Fuckin’ Valentine’s Day!

http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=2998698&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1
the sopranos, uncensored. from victor solomon on Vimeo.

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