TRANSFORMERS: Robots in New Jersey! Part 1 – Pine Barrens

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In the Transformers episode “Make Tracks,” the Megatron and the Decepticons steal hundreds of cars and attempt to turn them into drones to add to their powerful squad of evil robots. Tracks, the Autobot, poses as a stolen car and discovers the Decepticons remote facility that changes the stolen cars in the Pine Barrens of New Jersey. The Pine Barrens are made up of over a million acres of protected forest area, so this was a perfectly diabolical scheme. No one could possibly hear or see a gigantic space age industrial plant that creates Transformers in the middle of a forest that is intersected by two major highways. Gee, great plan Megatron! Way to go!

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OPTIMUS PRIME: “Hmm, he might have been heading for New Jersey and the Pine Barrens” 
POWERGLIDE: “Pine Barrens? What’s there?”
OPTIMUS PRIME: “That’s what we’re gonna find out, Powerglide”

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Of course Optimus and his Autobots save the day, but if you’d like to watch the 2nd half of the episode that is based in New Jersey, it’s posted below. Thanks to YouTube user Bernard9782 has made it happen. Thanks to the Transformers Wiki, an unbelievable source for all kinds of minute Transformers tidbits.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgYJA6ucjSc?rel=0]

Why I Traded Transformers for Megan Fox

Jay Getting Optimus Prime
That’s me receiving Optimus Prime as a birthday gift

Through the years it was easy to get bogged down in the excessive amount of Transformers incarnations through the years. I have to give credit to the property though, it’s enjoyed a long evolution and hasn’t ever really gone away.

Transformers would not have enjoyed the same type of resurgence if the 2007 big screen adaptation was never released. I doubt there would be the same type of clamor for Transformers stuff if Michael Bay never got his filthy rich hands on them. But what has shocked me most about the franchise is how much of a difficult time I recently had getting into the original ’80s animated series. I noticed that Hub network has been airing reruns of the original Transfomers. Just for nostalgic purposes and for the fact that the 3rd Transformers film, Dark of the Moon, is being released, I set a couple of episodes on my DVR and tried watching them.

As much as I felt I would be in for some ’80s fun, sadly, the episodes were borderline boring and even a bit hard to understand. Although I’m a sucker for old cartoons, especially those I loved as a kid, going back and watching Transformers just didn’t hold my attention at all. Expecting a 25 year old cartoon to enthrall and entertain me seems totally unrealistic, but even the silliest episodes of He-Man and She-Ra still mesmerize me. It’s a shame too because I was a fan of Transformers as a kid, and so were most of my friends, since we were the Prime (pun intended) audience for it. I had my Transformers lunchbox and a bunch of the toys, but it was never a full on obsession for me.

Attempting to pretend like I was a transforming robot was awkward and not nearly as fun as holding aloft my magic sword and becoming the most powerful man in the universe. Now, I know that a lot of people will vehemently disagree with my sentiments, but I have my reasoning. Subconsciously perhaps, I made more of a connection with human or human-like characters. I always preferred GI Joe over Transformers and although I enjoyed Thundercats immensely too, He-Man and She-Ra always edged them out if I had to choose what show I liked better.

In my eyes, the best part of the original animated Transformers series is Megatron. he was the reason I watched the show. I always liked villains and I appreciated how he looked, sounded, and acted in the original series way better than how he is in these new films. That’s not to say I didn’t also love Optimus Prime. What boy in the ’80s didn’t think Optimus Prime was awesome? He’s the quintessential character of the franchise. Even in the new films he still kick ass. The hero has a modernized look but is thankfully still voiced by the iconic Peter Cullen. Anyone else would be 2nd rate.

Regardless of how the original series holds up, the film franchise and even the recent Transformers Prime are both well done and easy to get into especially if I was 7 years old right now. I have yet to watch Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen, so hopefully I’ll get to it before Dark of the Moon disappears from theaters, which will probably be in about 3 weeks. Then it’s straight to DVD and Bluray by the end of August. Maybe if Megan Fox played her cards right she’d be in Dark of the Moon and I’d make it more of a priority. Damn her and her Hitler comments. Funny how when I was a kid, I wanted Optimus Prime, and now I need Megan Fox to hold my attention.

The Cars at Roseland Ballroom in NYC

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLG9P7VTlak?rel=0]
Not even the best salesman could’ve convinced me to buy into “The New Cars.” Do you even remember them? From 2005-2007 Todd Rundgren, Prarie Prince, and Kasim Sulton joined Greg Hawkes and Elliot Easton to form this offshoot band. I’m glad I held out because the original band reformed last year. Except for the late Ben Orr, The Cars are back with a new album, Move Like This, which they have been promoting through a ten city tour of the U.S and Canada. On May 25th, 2011 The Cars revved their engines over to a SOLD OUT Roseland Ballroom in New York City. Are The Cars rusty? You Might Think that, but I found them to be just as pristine as when I first heard them.
After reading reviews of the first few dates of The Cars tour, I was pleased to know that they are a no nonsense band. They didn’t have an opening band, they didn’t wait for 2 hours to go on stage, and they didn’t B.S about politics and who we should vote for in the next presidential election in between songs; all they did was delight the crowd with their new wave brand of rock and roll.
After stating a reunion would never happen, Ric Ocasek was finally back on stage with his band mates where he belongs. Front and center with his signature black hair and big sunglasses, Ocasek looked so comfortable up on stage that I’m pretty sure they could play another 10 – 15 years. I didn’t expect Ocasek to sound exactly like he did back in the day, but he sounded right on point. There were some moments when he backed away from the mic to play his guitar and his vocals trailed off and a couple of times where he seemed a little off key, but aside from that it was like listening to the studio versions. No one was there to hear him do vocal calisthenics anyway. All the electronic bleeps and bloops sounded perfect and the background vocals in the choruses provided that key element that helps make the songs so catchy.
It was really a trip getting to see a band whose songs and videos mesmerized me as a kid. I never saw The Cars live and it was amazing to finally get to experience their show. The setlist was a good mix of old, new, and rare. They played hits like “Good Times Roll” and “You Might Think,” but their new material really brought them alive. They seemed to have a blast with songs like “Blue Tip” and the hard rocking must download “Keep on Knocking.” The revitalized Cars showed that extra jolt when kicking into new tunes like “Sad Song” and “Free.”
A concert on a Wednesday night is tough so The Cars took pity on us and made it an early night for the sold out crowd at Roseland. The audience wasn’t obnoxious and people weren’t pushing and shoving, at least in my area of the floor. The band didn’t make us wait long for their encore either. The three song encore included “Just What I Needed,” “You’re All I’ve Got Tonight,” and my favorite, “Moving In Stereo.” With the vitality of the material on Move Like This, I hope The Cars continue to make new music because judging by their concert in New York City, they haven’t missed a beat.

Mourning The Macho Man Randy Savage: My Macho Memories

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Sexy Armpit & Miss Sexy Armpit (top) Macho Man (bottom)

I’M IN MACHO MISERY RIGHT NOW. The news of the passing of Macho Man Randy Savage has wrestling fans and the entire world buzzing right now. Savage was not only an icon of sports entertainment but a fixture in popular culture for many years. Describing Savage as a hero of mine is an understatement. I’m sure there will be an outpouring of tweets, blog posts, and YouTube tributes, and rightfully so, but this post will serve as a collection of my own Macho Memories.

Many of my Macho Man memories involve Miss Elizabeth. She was such a huge part of his mystique after he hired her as his manager. It was a controversial move to hire a sexy female valet who many thought had no mastery of the wrestling business. As we all know, they were a match made in heaven and hopefully they’ve met up so Savage could hoist her up on his shoulders once again for old time sake.

I had been into wrestling for about 2 years at that point. During that period in the WWF I remember everyone buzzing about Macho Man and Elizabeth. They were a hot topic and the couple grabbed the attention of everyone, not only wrestling fans. When the Miss Elizabeth LJN action figure first came out I remember wanting it so bad. I waited and waited and finally I got a special opportunity from my parents on Christmas Eve that year. They let my sister and I open each others gifts. After ripping open the paper I was so excited to see that my sister got me the Miss Elizabeth figure! Now Macho Man would walk the aisle with some arm candy.

Some people look back fondly on the greatest moments of their life. Some cite winning a high school football championship, getting married, or winning a huge sum in the lottery as random memorable life moments. Believe it or not, some of the greatest moments of my life involve WWF and Macho Man Randy Savage. His heel win to become I-C Champ, Savages feud with George the Animal Steele who was in love with Elizabeth, Savage vs. Steamboat at Wrestlemania 3, all the events that lead to the formation of The Mega Powers, The Wrestlemania 4 tournament which concluded with Savage winning his first WWF World Championship and sharing the greatest moment of all time in the WWF with Miss Elizabeth and The Hulkster in Atlantic City NJ. Then the Mega Powers exploded in the same venue at the next Wrestlemania. Years later he was in memorable feuds with Jake The Snake and Undertaker, Flair, and Ultimate Warrior.

savage WWF magazines

Life was so simple back then. Who cares if I sound old! On sunny and hot summer days I would walk down the local Rite Aid or ask my Dad to bring me to Quick Check and scan the magazine racks for the official WWF Magazine. A couple in particular made me literally explode with excitement. My sister dropped by while I was at a neighbors house to bring me the July 1988 issue with Savage on the cover. I nearly went into convulsions. I don’t think kids get this excited anymore over a magazine, but it made my month back then. I’d worship the pages and read the same articles over and over. It sounds incredible, but I can remember the exact moment I got most of them. I still have those magazines too.

Growing up, my best friend Frank and I were immensely influenced by Macho Man. It was easy for two best friends to call themselves The Mega Powers, but it was another to start filming themselves wrestle at a time when taping yourself wrestling wasn’t en vogue at all. At least in my neck of New Jersey, taping backyard wrestling matches wasn’t something that people we knew ever did. Leave it to us to spend our Friday and Saturday nights recording promos and matches while our friends went and “socialized” with each other. In our first match ever, we chose to explode the Mega Powers yet again just for the hell of it.

I know a lot of people claim that their parents are the greatest, but My Dad is seriously in the Dad Hall of Fame. He’s always been a fan of WWF right along with me. The fact that he interacted in my little obsession with me meant more than anyone could ever imagine. Through the big wrestling boom in the ’80s and then through the times when WWF fans got made fun of for still liking it well after it’s popularity surge was over – it was so cool to be able to share those moments with him. Of course he used to watch Saturday Night’s Main Event with me and bring me upstairs after I fell asleep on the couch, but there was one time in particular years later that will always stick out in my mind.

After Monday Night Raw premiered in 1993 I made it a big TV event. It was the highlight of my week. I set up my TV chair and grabbed my drink and snacks. Occasionally my Dad would watch with me, but other times if he was busy he would tell me to let him know if something good happens and he’ll come watch. That’s the kind of thing that meant a lot to me. I didn’t toss the baseball around much, I didn’t have much interest in sports or fixing cars, my world was all about WWF. He was a big fan of Macho Man and Razor Ramon at that time.

savage crush

In 1994, prior to Wrestlemania 10, Randy Savage and Crush began a feud that was pretty hardcore in WWF at that time. My father and I were shocked as we witnessed Crush turn on Savage. Crush pressed Savage up over his head and dropped him onto the steel barricade, lacerating his tongue. We were both in awe of how this played out in a very realistic way. Since that was just before the computer era really took off, there were no spoilers or dirt sheets to ruin the storylines, so it was a vivid and surprising night on Raw. The feud culminated at Wrestlemania 10 in a falls count anywhere match, just over the river at Madison Square Garden in NYC. It was Savage’s last appearance at a Wrestlemania.

armpit and jane

In recent times, Savage has kept a low profile but I’ve kept his spirit alive as much as I could. I’ve dressed up as Macho Man twice in the last couple of years. The first time was for a Halloween Costume Party at Asbury Lanes and my girlfriend dressed up as Miss Elizabeth. You can read more about that in this post. The next time I went with the classic lavender Macho Man T-Shirt and matching bandanna for my friend Jane’s surprise ’80s style birthday party. Each time it was a big hit and everyone was complimenting me on how good I pulled off the look. I even won runner up in the costume contest at Asbury Lanes.

I will miss you so much Macho Man, you were larger than life to me and no one will ever come close to having your unique blend of electric charisma and ring skills of a king. I hope the Fink announced you into heaven with Pomp and Circumstance echoing throughout the universe. “We’re gonna climb that mountain together and we are together forever Oooooh Yeah!” Elizabeth…DOWN THAT AISLE!

Grave Digger at Izod Center in East Rutherford

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7YX5XzsyY8?rel=0]

Considering the commercials for it were played during every mid-afternoon cartoon show in the ’80s, I’ve never actually attended a Monster Truck Jam. Grave Digger was created in 1981 and now there’s several Grave Digger trucks with various drivers allowing them to make appearances throughout the country at different times. Grave Digger only faces Bigfoot a few times a year, but the debate over which one is the most popular Monster Truck still rages on. Bigfoot is a few years older than Grave Digger, but Grave Digger has become synonymous with Monster Truck Jams. Monster Truck Jams come to East Rutherford and Trenton NJ annually and tickets are usually reasonable. Although Monster Truck Jams are a notch lower than WWE events, it still seems like a fun day out if you have kids who would enjoy witnessing some vehicular destruction, or for those single desperate guys who like to drool over Ms. Bigfoot! Monster Jam returns to the Izod Center on 2/4/2012.

This Is Gonna Hurt – A Dark Ride Through Nikki Sixx’s Mind

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Rock stars are not exempt from aging. Even after 30 years in Motley Crue, Nikki Sixx is still one of the coolest motherf*ckers in rock and roll, but the sad fact is  – he’s getting older! More than his previous books, his latest, This Is Gonna Hurt shows that Nikki isn’t afraid to expose his vulnerabilities. He may have written songs about strippers, doing drugs, drinking whiskey, riding motorcycles, and dying and coming back to life, but not one of his songs exposes what’s going on in Nikki’s mind in the intimate way that This Is Gonna Hurt does.
If you’ve read The Dirt and The Heroin Diaries, you’ve lived vicariously through periods of Nikki Sixx’s life. But, aside from doing a lot of drugs what do you really know about Nikki Sixx? This Is Gonna Hurt, is like a rickety dark ride through his mind. Even though I’m a big fan of Nikki Sixx, this book showed me a side of Nikki I wasn’t aware of.
Nikki’s writing style has always been very personal, but here that style comes full circle. Parts of his previous books were culled from old diary entries whereas this is a more timely account of his thoughts and feelings. Sure he discusses a few old stories, but for the most part he brings you up to speed with his life as it is now. He’s lived through drug problems, a divorce, and challenges within his band.
Throughout the book I appreciated his attempts to spark the creativity of the reader. He doesn’t want to just tell us stories, he yearns to make people look at things differently, appreciate life and art, and stand up for themselves. He continuously reminds us that he’s had a second chance at life and he’s never let that idea escape him. Capturing beauty through writing and photography is one of the ways he’s broadened his scope as an artist. He’s not trying to hold on to the past, he’s been trying to soak up every beautiful piece of life there is and he’s poured it into this book.
For a guy who many thought was just a dumb big haired bassist back in the ’80s, his brilliance is presented here for all to read and look at. For the past several years Nikki has been exploring and taking advantage of various ways of self expression. Nikki writes, tweets, hosts a radio show, and has an extremely awesome side band that he’s passionate about called SIXX A.M who just released their latest album also titled This Is Gonna Hurt. All of this indicates that Nikki Sixx continues to adapt to the times and doesn’t plan on packing it in any time soon.
If his firm grasp on social media doesn’t surprise you, then his view on Hollywood will. Early on, Nikki explains how his outlook on his own stardom has changed drastically since the beginning of his career. He’s sick of showbiz and the fact that the media tries to dictate what’s beautiful. One moment in the book that I especially applauded was when he trashed Keeping Up With The Kardashians and similar shlocky shows. While it’s perhaps not as riveting, This Is Gonna Hurt is definitely more telling than the typical drug addled exploits of The Dirt and The Heroin Diaries.

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The Motley Crue founder, songwriter, and bassist shows off his affinity for bones, (human and otherwise) and his addiction to photography. The visual aspect of This Is Gonna Hurt is more enticing than a regular book that merely offers bland off white pages and black type. This is more of a scrapbook with glossy pages and it’s so much more enjoyable to consume. Breaking in between each chapter are interludes that include photos, song lyrics, and even some inspirational self help tips. Nikki also includes chronicles from his tour around the globe, the creative vibe between SIXX AM, anecdotes on Motley Crue, and even some tidbits on the ill fated Brides of Destruction.
I only had two complaints about the book. First, not to take anything away from Nikki’s photography skills, because he’s damn good at it, but the subject matter in the photos might make you think you were looking at a book on a coffee table at Marilyn Manson’s house. There are plenty of photos of freaks, dead flowers, dunce caps and gravestones that Nikki shot himself. You’ll also see a few self portraits as well as a glimpse into his own studio filled with oddities. The other issue I had is that a few pages have red type on dark backgrounds which is fairly difficult to read if you’re in low light.
Just because Nikki has enjoyed ridiculous levels of fame and money doesn’t mean he can’t experience mental anguish. In the book, he warns that drugs are not a cure all and delves into many issues that he continues to struggle with even after so many years of being sober. You’ll also get to read how he fearlessly discusses the true love he had for Kat Von D and how she totally broke his heart right before he left to go on tour with Motley Crue. What a bitch! This Is Gonna Hurt will make you realize that Nikki Sixx’s life wasn’t all about eyeliner, smack, and shiny stripper poles.

http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=thesexarm-20&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=0062061879&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=000000&bg1=FFFFFF&f=ifr

Arcades In The ’80s – We Went OUT To Play Video Games!

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 Chuck E. Cheese’s in New Jersey – 1984 (Photo from Sulaco99)
I found Sulaco99‘s photo in the Flickr Pool: Growing Up In Arcades 1979-1989

It’s impossible not to sound super old when talking about arcades. Kids nowadays get a big laugh out of the fact that we used to actually go out to an arcade to play video games. Even though most of us eventually had an Atari home system growing up, we still blew our pocket full of quarters in the ominous looking Star Wars Arcade game at the local Space Port in the mall – at least I know I did! The ultra high tech, home based and portable video games of today are no longer the multi-faceted sensory ritual they used to be in the ’80s.

Even though video games have evolved so much from a technical aspect, they are no longer the full blown experience they once were. Sure, new games can immerse us into the creepily realistic world of a first person shooter on X-Box or PS3, with 3-D graphics that will make us question whether we’re in our living room or some chemical plant fighting bad guys, but it’s not the same. Nothing can compare to the feeling I used to get before hopping into the Space Harrier arcade game at RazMaTazz in Sayreville, NJ!

In the arcade, so much care was put into designing the game cabinets that housed the screen, joystick, and buttons. If the artwork on the side panels wasn’t elaborate and eye catching enough, we might’ve passed right by it. You don’t have to slip quarters into your home console or your tiny portable, you don’t even have to go to a store to purchase a game anymore! At this point in time we can beam a game directly to our home console in literally under a minute.

The communal aspect of physically being in the same dark room and hearing the same fusion of sound effects from various games around the room with button tapping and click clacking as the back beat, and even gaining an occasional crowd to root you on has evolved into a primarily home based adventure. This transition is much like the way Netflix and Redbox have made some of us opt to stay home rather than go to the movies.

There’s plenty of gamers much older than me who have moved with the ever changing technology. Personally, I’ve never played a game against someone online and I don’t think I ever will. I don’t want to wear a headset while playing, nor do I care to hear people talking video game trash in my ear. If they were physically beside me in a black lit room, eyes transfixed on the action on the glowing screen, playing a finger numbingly competitive game of WWF WRESTLEFEST, I would welcome the trash talkin’. I think my days of video gaming are tucked away with my memories of my beloved Sega Master System.

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 75: Lipstick and Cigarettes

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AY2272Ch_qY?rel=0]
Lipstick and Cigarettes covering Duran Duran’s “Rio”

Lipstick and Cigarettes performed last Friday night at The Saint in Asbury Park and The Sexy Armpit was in attendance. L&C are quickly becoming a fixture to the NJ pop rock scene which is awesome. The band’s music (which is available on iTunes and elswhere) is a modern take on the ’80s new wave pop rock style. Their hard work is paying off since they’ve been in rotation at local college radio stations and they’re playing some great gigs in the coming months. I recorded their cover of Duran Duran’s “Rio” which was chosen by the winner of their T-Shirt contest they held at their Facebook page. You can see them live at The Court Tavern in New Brunswick on Saturday, April 16th.

Their first official T-shirt is now available at ALL Lipstick and Cigarettes shows!
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Lipstick and Cigarettes are also featured in:

Birthday Nostalgia

Dukes of Hazzard Cake 1

“DUKES!” was my answer to everything for a long time when I was a kid. I was talking about Dukes of Hazzard, a show that I was obsessed with as were many other boys my age. My mom would ask me what I was going to ask Santa to bring me for Christmas and I’d reply “DUKES!” super loud. “Yes, but what Dukes thing do you want, Jay?” “A DUKES CAR!” I said to her, strangely in a thick New York type accent. When I was a little kid I had a hard time pronouncing my R’s which lead people to scratch their head when I said words like SMAWF and BAWN which actually meant SMURF and BURN. This is an issue you’ll hear many kids struggle with but usually grow out of. Occasionally that problem comes back when pronouncing the word BREWERY. To me that is the hardest word to say. I don’t remember having issues with the word BIRTHDAY, and what do you know, today is mine!

Dukes of Hazzard Cake 2

In this post you are looking at a few photos from a couple of birthdays from when I was a kid. The first one is circa 1982 where you can check out the awesome Dukes of Hazzard cake that was made for me. Back then the world wasn’t as obsessed with the insanely intricate gourmet cake decorating that we are today. Now we have Cake Boss and other shows like it and there’s no cake that can’t be created! Back then this cake was pretty f’n awesome. Through the years I’ve had a bunch of awesome cakes made for me such as Batman cakes,  and a Sexy Armpit cake made by my awesome girlfriend.

Sexy Armpit Cake
Jay Getting Bobby Heenan Figure

The above photo was several years later after my I was a full blown WWF addict for a long time. You can see how excited I was to receive the Bobby Heenan action figure. I was so anxious to amass the Heenan Family and without it’s manager they were nothing so I was pumped. Anytime I got a WWF action figure I remember yelling so loud as if it was Silver Banshee’s sonic scream. I still get excited about things but I tend to be more reserved. Nowadays I don’t think I would shriek like that unless I won $47 million dollars. So, times have changed in some respects, but many aspects of my birthday remain exactly the same. For instance, this year I already bought myself a few hot wheels cars (not a General Lee), a couple of action figures, and my birthday weekend will include a TNA Wrestling show in Rahway NJ!

Lipstick and Cigarettes at The Crossroads in Garwood NJ

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXcEkm1aCwA?rel=0]

On Saturday night February 18th, The Sexy Armpit along with our featured writer Nick “NJ” Holden inhaled some delicious pop rock that was coated in a sweet new wave glaze and dusted with crunchy grooves. Sound good? Well, I’m lying. Dessert wasn’t a priority for us at The Crossroads in Garwood that night, it was actually Lipstick and Cigarettes, the new wave inspired pop rock band.

Surprisingly, out of all the music venues I’ve been to throughout NJ, this was my first time at The Crossroads. I discovered that they serve a TALL, ice cold, Red Bull and vodka. If you’re like me and get tired when you stay up passed 10pm, that’s the drink for you. “It’s 10 pm, do you know where your children are?” MY MOM: “Why yes I do, my son The Sexy Armpit is at The Crossroads in Garwood passed out at a table but not from alcohol, it’s just because he gets sleepy.” Once the band hit the stage at around 10:45, I no longer needed the liquid crack because tunes like “White Tie Affair,”and “Automatic” energized the heck out of me and so did their shout out to The Sexy Armpit! Thanks guys!

This was the band’s last show of the winter and I’m glad I got to check them out once again. Clad in an outfit straight out of GQ, frontman Chris Orsi’s lively mood was contagious. Erik’s drum beats kept me well stimulated. Also elevating the crowd was bassist Sara who was having a blast on stage and could not stop smiling in between songs. Maybe it’s because of the rumors I’ve heard about a keytar being incorporated into their repertoire very soon? Hopefully one day we’ll see Lipstick and Cigarettes “play the keytar on the MTV!”

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Also check out iTunes to download Lipstick and Cigarettes brand new EP!